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Planet of the Capes
Dumb people breed dumb superheroes....
Yippee! I cannot go shopping yesterday because of the SHOPPING LAW OF BOXING DOOM and I cannot go shopping today due to the ice storm. I CANNOT BUY A BREAK; even during the Christmas season. So; I'm back to being tormented by Drake Mallard. It was either this one or the ultra stupid Dances With Bigfoot. I went for this one because it involves Comet Dumb Guy of course and I need some amusement. So let's rant on shall we
The episode is written by Ellen Svaco & Colleen Taber (three times in this series?). The story is edited by Steve Roberts....This one is animated by WD-Japan and the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN.
We begin this one LOST IN SPACE as we get some pointless meteor showering in a lame attempt for the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN to show that they do not suck in animation. Sadly; there is NO animation in the background so it doesn't work. That's why only using Tama Pro as a backup was a good idea. The meteor finally lands on QUACKARIA (which looks like Earth I should note) and takes the bump WITH WUSSY CHEESE AND WUSSIER BACON into the ground near a alleyway. And then out pops Comet Dumb Guy's clown hat and it zooms around the city being careful not to hit anything. We hit the scene changer as we go to DARKWING..DUCK's hideout and to the master control center as Drake is in his dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM mode about 90 seconds in. He is watching the tornado on screen because that is what this episode really needs: More windbags! And of course we get the old clicking of the remote and a full second of probably the closest thing we will EVER see of sexuality on this show and that leads to seeing the comet riding down which is switched back to the bathing suit contests. I believe this is the first time in DTVA history that the word vice is used.
If that is considered a vice then it would have been better off if that wasn't a history making moment. If it was alcohol than it would have meant something; but then again Disney kind of did that in TaleSpin (like anyone was fooled into thinking that Louie was serving fruit drinks despite TELLING US that it was?) so it would have been tainted a bit. Logic Break #1 rears its head as the screen changes into the city with rumbling building despite Drake not changing the channel. Drake then realizes that there is only one idiot capable of doing such misdeeds. And it will cause him headaches because he clicks the channel like a doofuss and the screen shows Comet Dumb Guy (like he could EVER be smart?) calling out for Drake Mallard. He acts like a heel doing that promo despite having the worst acting to ever be taken seriously as a heel. Drake decides to stop him before he kills the city and his reputation. If that reputation means that Comet Dumb Guy is even more REALLY STUPID than you are then I agree totally. We cut to city level as Comet Dumb Guy still doesn't know how to use a door (Geez; what a shock that is?) and unintentionally sees a towel wearing woman in the bathtub.
That was pretty contrived and there was absolutely ZERO animation whatsoever. I guess this falls under the same rule Heather suffered when she had her feet tickled in Gadget Boy & Heather. I've already stated this in my Live Journal somewhere so I won't repeat it here. Drake appears from the alleyway OUT OF NOWHERE and calls for Comet Dumb Guy to come over. And of course Comet Dumb Guy doesn't even know how to turn a corner and so he rips over another building just to annoy Drake more. Drake greets him in a sarcastic matter (because he's more stupid than Drake is now and thus is leeching off his heat.) and threatens to hurt him harshly. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy..BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! AS IF DRAKE MALLARD! The police alarm blares and Comet Dumb Guy takes the hint and slams the building down on it's foundations and somehow doesn't crumble under the weight. We cut to Comet Dumb Guy flying with Drake in his arms as Drake asks him why he is here?
They then proceed to do the old cartoon flying spot that were done better in TaleSpin then in here (fly over building before you crash into the middle; flying into a cloud; a bird flying in your way; Losing Drake in the clouds; Drake is carried by the stork etc. That's the fifth spot they stole from Bugs Bunny for this series I should note.) as CDG reveals that Planet Mertz is in trouble and they are depending on Drake to save them from themselves apparently. Wow; Mertz thinks Drake is their God. This is the ultimate irony to the whole Cartoon Duck Syndrome thing I was talking about. And to think that Svaco and Taber were the ONLY ONES WHO GOT THE POINT?! Comet Dumb Guy saves Drake from free falling after the STORK OF DOOM drops him like a bad habit and they stand on a jumbo jet while Drake cuts his first full of himself promo three minutes in.
You knew that wouldn't last. At least he hasn't done anything REALLY STUPID....yet. Oh geez; that last promo is the most self serving promo I have ever heard in this series to date (complete with sun rise spot). PDG is HAPPY so he stuffs Drake in his clown hat because even he knows that Drake as an international object equals funny. PDG then stuffs himself in said hat and then it's off to being....say it with me...LOST IN SPACE!! Drake asks for a rest stop and PDG blows him off in the most patronizing way possible which is good because I HATE DRAKE! What more can I say?! For those who don't get the song here: I basically scream I HATE DRAKE for five minutes onwards to get the full effect of how frustrated I am with him as a character. If that doesn't convince the Cartoon Duck Syndrome people; then that shows that DARKWING..DUCK is a dangerous drug and those affected need help at once. Best possible solution: A good dose of TaleSpin.
Post-Production Glitch #1: I see we need another half second black slug....
The meteor arrives inside a lab or a whacked out airport (either explanation is acceptable) on the Planet Mertz. I was hoping for some CONTINUITY in that Comet Dumb Guy would pinball into planets again; but it doesn't happen sadly. They land on the Yellow X Red Circle Launchpad and of course Comet Dumb Guy misses the middle by about ten feet. And you thought Jeffy Hardy missed spots badly?! CDG unstuffs himself and calls it a perfect landing which allows him to unstuff Drake who is nothing more than a steaming pile of goo. Drake blows himself up and blows off PDG's flying skills by comparing them to Launchpad. I guess LP saw the script and no showed for this episode judging by Drake's blow off. Scene changer and we get Comet Dumb Guy and Drake flying over the planet of Mertz. That leads to the annoying singing and then he even gets a parade in his honor as they fly into the white limo as his many fans shower greetings to him. This is so ironic on SO MANY LEVELS. This is like the ultimate suck up to Cartoon Duck Syndrome if I ever saw one. This might be Svaco and Taber's best episode EVER!
And Drake gets a hot air balloon of himself of course because he is full of hot air. Drake then pops the obvious question to all this: What am I doing here?! I think a lot of us are wondering the same thing about all Darkwing Duck fan boys everywhere who enjoy this. Planet Dumb Guy claims that the most important person in all of Mertz is missing as the ticker tape is sticking onto Drake and Drake realizes it's colored duct tape. PDG states that duct tape is better because it doesn't involve sweeping as Drake is completely covered in it and grumbles like Baloo after he gets creamed with tinsel after Dan Dawson throws the same stuff in Stormy Weather. Too funny. We head to the stage as the Official Guy (who just happens to be a black person no less; but don't get excited it's done by Dorian Harewood (Captain Ron Hicks in Boomtown); not Phil Lamarr. ) presents Drake with the key to the city. Ahh; Planet Mertz: The place where no one realizes that he was really giving Drake the key to the planet basically. Drake cuts another self-serving promo while trying to act like he is emotional.
Jim Cummings is still having problems doing that even after about four years of work getting the work out of his voice. Drake accepts the golden key which is a leftover prop from the NWA which later was expanded by using Netwon Gimmick's Portable Reducing Machine. And of course Drake cannot handle the key because it's SIMPLY TOO BIG! Drake struggles so Comet Dumb Guy wants to save him. However; Comet Female Guy strips off her oppressive male clothing (voiced by Maggie Roswell) and declares that she will save him; but Official Guy strips into his superhero outfit and wants to save him. Oh crap?! This is basically the Politically Correct version of the Ripping Friends now (before the Ripping Friends made it to television)...and for some reason this version is better than the John K. version EVER was.
The PC Ripping Friends now argue as Drake is about to go down the steps and fall like the joke that he is. The PC Ripping Friends pounce on Drake and that allows the entire stage to crumble into rubble. Nice touch as the Superheroes all scatter like scalded dogs in that scene which pretty much destroys the creditability of them being superheroes right there. Drake crawls out of the carnage and blows off Comet Dumb Guy complete with swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (crimeny. Yeah; and Openoffice says it's a misspelled word in the captions). See Planet Mertz is really the planet for superheroes (well; all human anyway) which allows Drake to ask the REALLY STUPID question: Why do they wear disguises and of course they responds to that by saying that every superhero wears disguises and everyone knows that. Planet Mertz: The reason why everyone stopped reading comic book after 1970. I'm just saying.
Drake Mallard blows it off and wants to get on the case at once. So he asks who it is and it turns out to be someone called Ordinary Guy. See; he's the ONLY one on Planet Mertz who doesn't have superpowers. Must have made a wrong turn at Planet Pulg. Hey; if they are going to resort to degrading Bugs Bunny than I can too. So there! BLAHHHHHH! See; the PC Ripping Friends save him because that is what a superhero does. Wow; and comic book writers wonder why they got SCREWED all those years?! The acting here is about on par with a crutch (God bless Final Fantasy 4 Advance Porom.) as Drake blows it off because they cannot get the job done in FINDING the guy despite their superpowers. Like I said before; Planet Mertz is the dumbest planet in the known universe. And of course; the PC Ripping Friends tell him that Drake is now going to REPLACE him until they find Ordinary Guy which is NEVER. BWHAHAHAHAHA! And Drake goes loco on them for that moment.
You know what; those superheroes are pretty smart after all. I mean; it's about time Drake got dropped a few pegs down the ladder for being so full of himself. See; Drake claims to be a superhero and Official Guy claims that Comet Dumb Guy reported that Drake had no superhero qualities. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake blows off that report because he has many superhero qualities. I didn't know being a superhero involved qualities such as cutting full of yourself promos and being REALLY STUPID. Fenton Quackshell must be laughing his butt off somewhere in Duckberg right about now. Drake unleashes his gas gun and Comet Dumb Guy steals it to examine it. And of course Drake panics because he was REALLY STUPID enough to let him play with it and Drake basically sucks gas. Drake chokes on his own as he holds his throat while running in the gas cloud. Now you know how I feel about your show Drake Mallard.
The PC Ripping Friends no sell of course as Drake is screwed. Drake complains about a little tickle in his throat. Must be Feather Gas. HA! I KILL ME! Comet Dumb Guy isn't impressed so Drake walks to him and reveals the remote control which has a red twist knob. Drake calls it the Ultra Pitch Device or something goofy like that and twists the knob (which is apporos considering that every Canadian would call him a knob after watching this show) to try to cause the PC Ripping Friends headaches. It doesn't work of course as Comet Dumb Guy steals it and turns up the heat causing acute damage to Drake's ear. At least that was wishing thinking on my part. I think Drake needs some villains to test his pussy gadgets on someone because the PC Ripping Friends are beating his butt badly. Drake then tries another device which is hidden in his person (EWWW!!) according to his latest full of himself promo. Official Guy calls this all amusing; but wonders about his natural talents. Drake decides to go for the only one that doesn't make him look REALLY STUPID and that is his LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION WEB KICK OF DOOM. And of course he remember to include his dashing good looks in cutting that full of himself promo. This is going to end bad for Drake; I just know it. He runs back and then does the DOUBLE LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION WEB FEET OF DOOM (He didn't even do the move to start with) and he takes a funny bump into Official Guy in the process. Official Guy no sells of course because he's as ROIDED as Comet Dumb Guy.
The female superhero of course is natural because girls don't take steroids right?! Geez; if there is one stereotype I don't want to see; it's THAT one. Drake drops down onto the ground with a decent bump and attends to his webfoot which is funny since he slammed BOTH feet with equal force into Official Guy. Must be the trick foot acting up again. Official Guy then jump kicks the building into orbit and Drake is SHOCKED to see that. Female Guy uses her super strength to lift up the limo which has gained about 100 tonnes since we last saw it. You know the drug culture is in full effect when even CARS are doing the ROIDS. Drake complains about a paper cut on his finger as an excuse. Do you see the obvious logic break in all of this?! Comet Dumb Guy shoots fireballs from his fists and Drake even admits that he cannot do that. Again; Drake has the ONE thing these goofs have and Drake is REALLY STUPID because he doesn't reveal it here: His somewhat good detective skills. There's the obvious logic break here folks. CDG blows off Drake and Drake rightfully blows off them because you don't need super powers to be a superhero.
Now if I were Drake; I would show my detective skills and find Ordinary Guy which of course would finish the episode after the first act or midway through the second act. Sadly; Drake doesn't want to help them AT ALL and storms off. And what do the PC Ripping Friends do in response: They sob and whine and pounds their bodies against the floor of course. This is exactly something that the Ripping Friends would do. No wonder John K. looks like a rookie. Drake then plugs his ears and decides to give in and become Ordinary Guy. I hope Svaco and Taber make the next seven minutes or so funny because if they don't; it's going to look like padding and this is not what we need in a DTVA cartoon since it gives future writers (Quack Pack, 101D I'm looking at you most of all!) bad ideas to drag an episode longer than it needs to be. The PC Ripping Friends ask if he means it and Drake means it for only a few days. The PC Ripping Friends don't care as they smother him and dress him into Ordinary Guy. Drake complains about a pocket protector. Memo to Drake: They want Ordinary Guy; not Dork Guy. The PC Ripping Friends grab Drake and celebrate down the street in a painful manner as we see the EVIL SHADOW OF DOOM lurking behind an alleyway laughing his butt off...badly...This isn't looking too good...
We head to a small white house in the middle of the Planet Mertz which is the only house that looks like a normal Earth house. I knew that Ordinary Guy took a wrong turn at Planet Pulg; and this is more evidence to that fact. Drake Mallard is in his swimsuit sitting on the inflatable chair soaking up some sun rays and enjoying himself. He then cuts a full of himself promo which allows Comet Dumb Guy to show up to ruin his fun and bring up the funny for mine. He's shielding Drake from the harmful effects of the sun. In other words; Planet Mertz is in the same place as QUACKARIA. I guess CDG likes taking the scenic route. Drake takes it well; for about three seconds as the entire PC Ripping Friends jump onto his inflatable raft to shield him. Okay; this could work out after all. The raft flips over and Drake is all wet as he swims towards the edge and he looks ticked off now. We cut to a city sidewalk which is looking more and more like QUACKARIA by the second. Drake is walking down the sidewalk singing badly as we see the banana peel on the sidewalk.
If you are going to do that spot; show the SHADOW OF DOOM placing it BEFORE Drake starts walking down. Then at least we know who did it. This makes it as if the PC Ripping Friends did it just to screw Drake over. Drake is about to be REALLY STUPID not to notice said banana peel (Smarter Than A Speeding Bullet; I'm just saying) and of course Comet Dumb Guy stomps on the sidewalk block and allows Drake to fly up and take a wussy bump into the roof and comes down. Somehow that spot makes him a headless horseman; but fails to squash his hat. SOMEONE FIRE THAT HAT! Drake blows him off for that weak spot. Drake manages to recover as the editing job is starting to get on my nerves. Drake is about to cross a busy street and presses the walk button on the lamp post. He waits as the PC Ripping Friends arrive to ruin his day and Comet Dumb Guy goes into the street and manages to smash a blue car. Hello; that is like illegal guys?! The cars have the right of way until the walk sign for Drake comes up. Then about nine superheroes (seriously) arrive and they start smashing cars on each intersection.
If this is what Ordinary Guy goes through; then WHAT WAS THE FREAKIN POINT ABOUT PUTTING IN A WALK BUTTON ON A LAMP POST?! Planet Mertz: We don't follow any logic whatsoever. Drake walks across as he blows off the PC Ripping Friends for stacking up perfectly innocent cars; but the manhole cover was open during this time and Drake REALLY STUPID Mallard falls into da hole. SMACK! And of course there's a wussy bump to boot as we head to the weird city hall (I guess) as we get to the top of the tower (check out the extended pan shot) as Drake Mallard (dressed as DARKWING...DUCK now) with the sack declaring that he has had it with being Ordinary Guy. So; he's going to finally use his detective skills to find him. And since Planet Mertz is even more stupid than Drake is; he's got the perfect MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN as he puts a dummy of himself (which is very accurate in more ways than one I might add) onto the edge of the tower and then uses the HIGH PITCHED VOICE OF DOOM to call out for help.
Why not just use your normal voice Drake Mallard?! The LEGION OF PC RIPPING FRIENDS are on the ground as Female Guy tells everyone to stand back because she's going to save him. Geez; this is going to set back female superhero progress a good decade I just know it. Drake tells them to stay there because they might scare the dummy and it would fall to an untimely death (death reference #1 for the episode) as everyone is SHOCKED. Drake giggles on that on and backs up thinking that he has won. However; he is REALLY STUPID because he fails to turn around and look forward and he basically free falls off the left edge of the tower. Ah; the pitfalls of being so full of yourself as Drake breaks all logic and reasoning by claims that the PC Ripping Friends would save him. Of course; they completely BUY into Drake's dummy and do not save him. I think we can call this a tie in the REALLY STUPID department here. Drake then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY because he said dummy and he is screwed as he freefalls to officially end the segment 11 minutes in.
After the commercial break (for real this time); we continue to see Drake free falling and then he does the wussy bumping against the tower and then takes the big bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON (at least it was better this time) as the SHADOW GUY OF DOOM shows up to blow him off and then leaves as quickly as he comes. That gives new meaning to the term OUT OF NOWHERE and going in the same place. Comet Dumb Guy arrives which completely screws Drake plan completely. Well; Drake has no one but himself to blame for that one as CDG gets Drake out of the bump he created and Drake blows him off harshly because he's not Ordinary Guy. Drake then goes into MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #24509 and suggests that the PC Ripping Friends defeat a super villain because that's what ALL SUPERHEROES do. Planet Dumb Guy thinks this is a problem because Mertz is about love and justice. Oh wait; wrong show.. it's truth and justice. I always get those two mixed up. Drake raises his eye brows as he springs his act back in Ordinary Guy's house. Drake uses the projector in order to attempt to bury Quackerjack...ERRR...show how to think like a villain.
He shows slides to CDG while CDG is confused because thinking like a villain sounds not so superhero like. This guy is like the secular version of Left Behind. Drake calls Quacky a sicko and shows a biting dog trying to kill a child to further prove that evidence. What?! Drake puts over a villain?! Did I wake up in some alternative universe here? Drake then tells CDG (who is like a fat student in his desk) to write down sicko using the pointer. Drake is such a bossy teacher; I'm surprised he DIDN'T get a teaching job out of his life. I guess he is a real dork after all. CDG writes on his notepad as Drake goes into a lecture on masters of villainy. This should be fun...and of course Drake enters the wrong slide which shows Drake being REALLY STUPID at the Christmas Party. No wonder Vlad hates him so much. Drake shows the next slide and it's Sparky getting ready to fire. And of course CDG uses the fireball fists of fury to completely MURDER the projector and the wall to boot. Planet Mertz: We cannot tell reality from fantasy. Jack The Anti-Gamer One would make a killing on this planet.
Drake does the clear throat spot to annoy as not only he is completely unharmed; but so is the butterfly despite being in the exact spot to be MURDERED. Logic Break #3 for the episode. We cut to the outside shot as the SHADOW OF DOOM is on the lawn as CDG asks Drake if he's doing well. We cut to inside as CDG is on a footstool wearing the dunce cap as Drake blows him off because his laugh wasn't EVIL enough?! As if Drake Mallard would know ANYTHING about evilness. He's REALLY STUPID in that department. CDG tries again and it's so goofy that CDG might be over as a goofy villain. Drake of course blows it off as he slumps onto the ground as we cut to outside as the SHADOW OF DOOM laughs like a maniac. And that is clearly enough for Drake to call CDG a good villain as he wakes up while almost taking God's name in vain (by Jove) in the process. Considering that Comet Dumb Guy has a completely different voice than the SHADOW OF DOOM; color him REALLY STUPID. We head into the whacky cafe as the next lesson is upon us.
See; CDG now must play the bad guy and tie Drake up. Don't bother tying his mouth; we all know that will NOT shut him up. Drake hands CDG the rope and CDG doesn't want to do it because he might get rope burn. Of all the people in DTVA; it just had to be CDG to be the only way who knows about realism. Drake blows it off because villains show no mercy. It's clear that Drake NEVER watches his own show. Drake calls him a villain and that leads to a lame exchange of CDG misspelling (you wish you were Zummi.) and getting confused as to who is the villain in this scene. Drake thankfully corrects him and tells him to act like one. CDG ties up Drake (and thankfully; CDG was smart enough not to tie Drake's beak; because lord knows if they screw that up again) and places him on the atomic particle destroyer complete with the conveyor belt; because all goofy death devices have at least one. Drake is very upset because he wanted a buzz saw.
CDG wanted this device because he thought that it would be a lot more painful and Drake gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. YESSS! FRY THAT FULL OF HIMSELF BASTARD NOW! CDG pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the conveyer belt moves Drake forward as Drake asks CDG to untie him now; but CDG no sells because he shows NO MERCY. YESSS! FRY HIM TO ASHES! FRY HIM NOW! CDG cuts a really good promo on Drake (YESS! You're getting it now) as he pulls another lever (RIGHT LEVER!) and it goes even faster. Drake is so screwed as CDG laughs like a goof (cannot win them all I guess) and stuff himself into the golden clown hat and crashes out of the factory. Drake then goes into his VOICEOVER OF DOOM and makes the big mistake of asking for help; so now the remaining PC Ripping Friend crash into the factory to save him and the POWER OF SUGGESTION causes the belt to roll and Drake's little plan is screwed as he is now at the mercy of the atomic particle destroyer! HAHA!
Drake turns into art after a long dramatic sequence and cuts a morality promo (you know which one) before crumbling into a heap onto the floor. So CDG returns and stuffs himself out of the golden clown hat and apparently has come back as a babyface. So NOW he decides to save him?! Either he's really more stupid than Drake; or he's truly a genius in COMEDY BABY! Drake blows himself up and really cuts a nasty promo because he's HAD IT with them. Drake storms off taking the elevator and I was expecting more crying and whining from the PC Ripping Friends; but that is ruined by the robot which walks from the shadows. Well; that pretty much ruins the suspense of the whole episode right there folks. And of course; it's Ordinary Guy (voiced by Ron Palillo who is pretty much a ordinary movie actor in movies such as Hellgate, Snake Eater, Snake Eater II, Committed and The Guardians. Go figure.) The PC Ripping Friends rip onto the scene and that are SHOCKED and confused since they don't know who he is. Planet Mertz: They don't know who they are defending.
Drake blows it off and demands answers to this outrage. Ordinary Guy takes off the stupid disguise and reveals himself as a real dork of a guy. The BIG FAT RAY GUN OF DOOM gave that away. See; he got tired of the lack of privacy, no social life and getting beaten by the PC Ripping Friends. Geez; this is turning into a Ripping Friends episode. Drake blows him off because he didn't turn evil. In the eyes of the TaleSpin characters; you already did when their show was canceled in favor of a Cartoon Duck; so there. Ordinary Guy proves to everyone that he isn't really villain material by pulling the Gay Zoro hat over Drake's eyes. That's Kit Cloudkicker after getting tickled under the chin by Molly material there. Drake then pulls on his nose blowing him off because he's such a dork. Which is apporos since even Drake doesn't look dorky enough to pull it off himself. Besides; Ordinary Guy at least is so bad that the pull nose spot works a lot better here than it did when the Gummi Bears were doing it on Dukie. Drake orders CDG to finish him off but CDG doesn't want to because he's supposed to be protecting him; not hurting him.
Ordinary Guy blows off Drake for treason (Oh please?!) and invokes the ray gun on Drake; but the PC Ripping Friends protect him from it. Okay; that makes sense as CDG at least gets the point of this problem as Official Guy and Female Guy both drop dead. Doesn't that like a little bigoted to me; or am I just seeing things? CDG (the white male I should point out) goes to the ray gun (good selling of getting hurt on his part) to destroy it. His strength is gone as Drake orders him to use the comet breath; but that only gives him the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS. Apparently; the ray gun saps their strength. That's it?! Ordinary Guy blows them off because he's going to make them into super wimps and remembers to use the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS to laugh in their faces as the PC Ripping Friends look like France (WE SURRENDER!) in front of Drake to end the segment seventeen minutes in. Unlike Bushroot; this guy deserves the beatings he got from the PC Ripping Friends because he's not cool and he acts like a self-righteous old nerd who thinks he's better than everyone and at least the PC Ripping Friends cared about him even though they were TOO STUPID to do it properly.
After the commercial break; we return to the inaction of Ordinary Guy continuing to go through his ultra lame playground level name calling. Official Guy decides to step in to stop all this by basically calling him a plug ugly hooligan. I see Drake and Official Guy were exchanging notes in between scenes. That leads to the off-screen brawl as Drake does some shadow punching to amuse me a bit and of course Official Guy loses by getting his cape tied up around his head. Official Guy asks to repeat the question as Ordinary Guy blows him off. Official Guy dances like a goof as CDG cannot sing; cannot break dance (I guess he finally beat the dinner bell weakness) and cannot fight despite all attempts to look feisty on camera. He tries to fly; but he falls flat on his face in front of Drake with a really good bump on his face. The glass breaks; and here comes Stone Cold, Stone Cold, Stone Cold...Oh wait; wrong guy as more PC Ripping Friends come to defeat him; but they get zapped. Sexy Reggie must be in his zone if he's cribbing ideas for the new Wii Zapper here. Nice bumping from the pussy Ripping Friends on that spot as Ordinary Guy blows off Drake again. Ordinary Guy tries to make him suck rays; but the PC Ripping Friends block the way. Ordinary Guy gets ready to get them a really good zap; but it's the Dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM (complete with anime background) at 18:02; right on the satellite dish (complete with smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!)...
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the ham radio operator who scrambles your reception.
Good one Drake; you just alienated every ham radio operator and listener in the world. Drake Mallard: The ultimate way to alienate your television division from the rest of the sane public. Sadly the dish top gets zapped and Drake freefalls. Wow; if Ordinary Guy didn't suck; that would be really funny. As it is; it's just there. Drake takes a MAN-SIZED bump and breaks Ordinary Guy's ray gun. Ordinary Guy doesn't even bother to sell properly as he grabs the parts while Drake lies there asking Ordinary Guy to call it a day. I approve of this but Ordinary Guy blows it off as he reassembles the ray gun and tells him basically to suck zaps. Sadly; he pushes the remote button and it fails..badly. Ordinary Guy blows himself off for not getting the extended warranty making sure he sezs Dang while doing it. Yeah; that really sucked OG; it's time to take Drake's advice now. Of course he zaps himself with the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM and he turns into Extraordinary Guy; meaning with ROIDED muscles and ten times the suckage value. He blows the PC Ripping Friends off as this episode is over completely overbooked and the joke is dead. Comet Dumb Guy doesn't like this because OG no longer needs saving.
Actually he does need saving..from me if he continues to suck like this. Drake protests this outrage and of course OG invokes the big ass stomp to make Drake flatter than Alexander the Grape. Nyuk Nyuk! He then annoys me some more by peeling Drake off his shoe and throwing him into the golf cart. Oh no; that wasn't contrived in the very least no siree! OG cuts the today Mertz; tomorrow the universe promo and it sucks despite the fact that he at least is thinking very big this time around. And of course Drake zaps himself with the ROIDED WII ZAPPER OF DOOM and then punches OG right in the kisser..and OG doesn't sell that one properly. I REALLY HATE OG NOW! Drake blows him off for being such a crappy character and it is ON BABEE! And naturally; OG runs away like a scalded dog of course. Drake follows him as the PC Ripping Friends wonder how they could help Drake Mallard without their superpowers. Now the logical thing to do would be to use the WII ZAPPER OF ROIDED DOOM and then go after Drake; but of course this is Disney and the moral of the story is that you can do ANYTHING without your superpowers despite the fact that Drake was hypocritical because he basically used SUPERPOWERS in order to change the tide on Ordinary Guy. This is why Svaco and Taber are not good writers.
So the chase is on as the PC Ripping Friends use the limo and the Scooby Doo chase is on; only the babyface is chasing the heel in this one. Now this needs lame hippie music just to make it more complete but Disney is too original and cheap to do that; so this is all we have basically. Let's add some more zapping just to make them bigger and more ROIDED because we cannot have Drake be less hypocritical now can we?! Nice loop-de-loop for only 15 cents from OG as he gets the jump on Drake and zaps himself again just to make this episode drag on even more. OG is not over guys; you should have ended the episode the moment Drake became ROIDED and pound OG into silly putty. The WII ZAPPER OF DOOM flings out of their hands and right in front of the limo as the PC Ripping Friends arrive. OG creates a makeshift EPEE OF DOOM and it's time to skewer the duck so to speak. That would have been a good spot if they did it about two minutes ago. CDG wonders what to do and sees the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM on the floor along with the giant magnet. Drake is forced near the edge as OG calls for last request. Here's mine: END THIS DAMN EPISODE NOW! And here comes the PC RIPPING FRIENDS into the magnet rider and they give Drake the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM and he gets bigger. Wait a minute?! There are three superheroes that they could have zapped a couple of times to make it four on one and they went with the cop out just to fit a moral that was clearly contradicted about three minutes ago?! And that proves pointless because we then go into dueling WII ZAPPING on the two battlers.
If they went for my suggestion and broke the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM; there would be enough time for the episode to end. This goes on for a while until Drake and OG are now as tall as the atmosphere itself. Oh great; I thought this show was immune to overbooked crap like this?! So now they have a meeting of the minds in which OG and Drake realize that there is no town to save and it's all planet. OG tries the old shooting star routine to make Drake look; but Drake doesn't fall for it. Sadly; OG was telling the truth and the star misses by about a hundred feet; but the power of suggestion allows for OG to grab onto the globe with his hands and it's the log rolling spot to follow. OG falls from the globe and lands on an asteroid field. He then tries to use the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM and it is out of juice. We then waste MORE time as he uses the giant tweezers (Newton Gimmick must be spinning in his grave right now after all this crap) to fix the thing. He then invokes the WII ZAPPER OF DOOM again as Drake ducks and the SUN OF DOOM shrinks into a black hole (I think).
OG blows Drake off once again as Drake just stands there looking like he's about to panic just a little. Drake then finds the conveniently placed little dipper and whacks OG with it. At least OG sold that one properly; I'll give him that much. More Red Ocean zapping (That is SO IRONIC ON SO MANY LEVELS!) as Saturn is destroyed to reveal Drake hiding behind it. This is about as contrived and forced as Dave hiding behind a puppy. Drake then finds his giant ass slingshot and it's SHOOTING STARS TIME! Well; as least OG is selling them properly as Drake dodges more red ocean zapping and finds the crescent moon to use as a boomerang. Geez; I knew that would be used at this point. OG is nailed good and the Red Ocean ray gun zaps him back to his normal self. That is the video game industry in a nutshell circa 2003 to as long as Nintendo is around. OG free falls and Drake grabs him with the big ass paw.
Drake blows him off because he's a superhero see and therefore he will show mercy. If there was one villain who didn't deserve mercy; it would be OG. Drake then blows off the laser marks off his cape as he wants a Big & Tall shop in the universe. Fade to black to end the episode at 21:07. Geez; where to begin?! Everything was pretty good until Ordinary Guy came in and then the episode turned into an overbooked mess just to please the DUCKZ RULEZ fans out there with a villain who sucked and basically contradicting the moral completely of not using superpowers and then using a spot as an after thought which turned out to be pointless because it didn't end the episode and we get another two minutes of mess. Maybe this episode wouldn't have ended so quickly for fans had they made the moral meaningful and had the finish around two minutes BEFORE HAND so we could have a proper ending scene. I'll give this ** 1/2 ( 50%) because I'm pretty generous. It was a fun ride before Ordinary Guy showed up and seeing Drake get screwed by Ripping Friend like heroes was funnier than anything John K. has ever done.
THE REVIEW LINE
This is one of those episodes that really tore my hair out in frustration. For the first fifteen minutes of this episode; everything was going along smoothly with few logic breaks (even I accepted the most glaring logic break of the episode) and it was pretty funny to see Drake screw himself in the face of the screwing of the superheroes. I thought Comet Dumb Guy was pretty funny for a change along with Official Guy and Female Guy. However; once Ordinary Guy finally decided to show up; the episode free fell into something out of Double Darkwings. Only one animation spot was blown; but everything else was just cringe worthy. For one; they built the moral around the fact that you didn't need super powers to be superheroes and yet the writers threw it in as an afterthought which turned out to fail and then they contradicted themselves completely. I could have accepted that; but then again, Ordinary Guy was a really annoying dork who was pretty bad with selling and he wasn't a villain without his ray gun which was pretty lame if you ask me.
And then there was the DUCKZ RULEZ syndrome acting up here as they should have ended the episode right where the superheroes got the ray gun and just used it on themselves and Drake a few times and then break it completely followed by beating OG into silly putty as a finish so that we got a proper ending to his after than a cop out excuse and an extra two minutes just to please the Cartoon Duck Syndrome fans with lame universe spots that was supposed to be impossible to do in this series. In the end; we got an overbooked mess that makes me feel like that the writers were really hyper. It took seven minutes to get a decent **** episode to basically ** ½ and that was being generous. Again; this is due to Cartoon Duck Syndrome and I'm really getting sick of this. And ironically enough; it wasn't Drake this time that ruined the episode; it was Ordinary Guy who proved that even NegaDuck isn't THAT bad. At least the animation didn't suck this time around.....
Thumbs in the very middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.
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