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U.F. Foe

Reviewed: 07/01/2012

You Fantastic Foe? Huh?

Well; it's Canada Day and I get to rant on a silly Darkwing Duck episode again. Featuring aliens and UFO's from somewhere of note; which has been done a million times already. So; let's rant on shall we...

The episode is written by Dev Ross and story edited by Tad Stones. The animation is done by Hanho-Heung Up Company Limited.

We begin this one with a right pan shot of a B&W image of a desert that seems to be lifted from Citizen Khan. Gosalyn is narrating this scene and she does such a good job that Drake Mallard blows her off for wasting tape. From a guy who is supposed to be very vain and full of himself; you would think that he would expect it to rub off of Gosalyn at some point. So Gosalyn films Launchpad who is driving and Gosalyn asks for his best pose and LP makes funny faces at her; just to piss off Drake Mallard. HAHA! Gosalyn can see green dollar signs in this as Drake blows her off pointing out her failed chain of lemonade stands. But that was due to what happened in Dry Hard Drake. Nice bit of continuity there; even if it was not intended to be that way. Gosalyn blows off Launchpad for drinking the profits and LP defends himself. Then we get a huge ball of light whizzing in front of the babyfaces, then it zooms back and we get the white screen of death and Launchpad is gone. Now here's a perfect example of BS&P getting their fingers into the pie: Launchpad was driving the car. So logic would dictate that Drake and Gosalyn would be sitting in their usual seats with the seat belts on right? Well; BS&P sezs that's too dangerous because Drake is now in the driver's seat and Gosalyn's in the front passenger seat. For no reason at all. It's a freakin desert guys! There's almost nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING to crash into. And it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) by the way as the car drives away from the camera and out of sight with Drake noticing the time change. So we head to a hotel room which looks like a run down shack that was cleaned up to make us think that it's a decent hotel room. The door opens and there is a cowboy duck with the usual cowboy whistle accent. I'm guessing that it's voiced by Michael Gough since it's Gopher's voice. I'm guessing that he's cowboy Doug and this is the Cowboy Doug Dude Ranch, which means Dudettes need not apply. Drake carries all the luggage (HAHA!) as Gosalyn takes a picture with the video camera on Cowboy Doug and calls it classic Western cinema. She wants chainsaw zombies and Drake blows her off. What's wrong with chainsaw zombies? Drake: Gimmick infringement, that is what is wrong Greg. So Drake drops the luggage and points out that a vacation is supposed to be a time to relax. I call lie on Drake Mallard because his ego never rests.

So Doug is unfolding a foldable bed with considerable trouble as Drake doesn't remember ordering three beds. Huh? So where was Launchpad going to sleep Drake? Doug claims that this is what he ordered and no refunds as he goes to the door and tells them it's breakfast at 6 and exercises at 7 as he slams the door. Gosalyn goes over to a conveniently placed television set and plugs in her video camera as Drake blows that off because we are supposed to go back to basics. Gosalyn gleefully retorts that one for me as she watches the tape and there are B&W aliens on the screen. Drake blows it off because it's a Z-grade movie complete with cheap suits and Launchpad overacting. And then Drake catches himself just as he puts the luggage into the bottom bunk bed and opens one of them to reveal a pilot teddy bear. HA! Launchpad likes TaleSpin; so boo hoo to the Cartoon Duck Syndrome fans everywhere. So Gosalyn rewinds the tape showing the UFO touching down (I'm calling it forward in time; not backward in time as Gosalyn is); aliens coming out and kidnapping Launchpad. Gosalyn is remembering now as we do the flashback of doom and return to the blue car as the babyfaces are watching nervously. So the UFO comes down and invokes the TRACTOR BEAM OF SILLY SCREAMS as it hits the car and our babyfaces; shaking them and making them sound stupid. Then the UFO touches down and we see five green aliens with blue suits with the height of the nephews and small duck bills. Gosalyn runs out of the car and wants to capture the guys on film; but Drake tackles Gosalyn down and blows her off because they might eat them more or less. Logic break: When Drake tackles Gosalyn down there is no rock behind them. On the next shot; there is a rock behind them, thus making it appear that Gosalyn was going to film from behind the rock. Bad, bad form there guys. Launchpad walks towards the aliens because he apparently knows them. Of course you do; they have the nephews height and weight. And they grab him and carry him towards the UFO. And judging by the running sound effect being used here; the Horta sound editing team is working on this project.

So Drake and Gosalyn run in protest; but the tractor green light lights up just as LP disappears and out comes a taller alien who looks more reddish in color. He is also male so I presume that this is Gleeb who seems to have the same Michael Gough; only not a cowboy. He brings out a space gun and it shoots memory erasing waves at Gosalyn and Drake as we return to reality (no, not really) as Gosalyn is on a rock and Drake is now Darkwing Duck. So that explains the luggage weight then. For a guy who is supposed to be on vacation; you would think he wouldn't project himself into Launchpad. So Drake brings out the DARKWING...DUCK GLASS OF DOOM and searches for clues while cutting a full of himself promo. And of course he screams when he sees yellow eyes and is grabbing onto Gosalyn on the rock. Yes; he's afraid of Gedo eyes; which is a step in improvement for the character. It's only a desert lizard though as Gosalyn blows him off. Drake jumps down and cuts another full of himself promo as Gosalyn is wishing that they kidnapped her. Drake retorts about her reputation of kicking and Gosalyn invokes the Gruffi pose in response. Gosalyn then notices a flashlight like device on the ground and thinks it's a clue. Drake grabs it and calls it not a clue because it's a flashlight. Drake throws it away and it hits the rock and shoots the Wii blue beam of death which looks to nail Drake in the head; but it hits the conveniently place rock Gosalyn was on. I see the power of suggestion is still powerful. So we get another UFO touchdown as wind effects howl. Drake tells Gosalyn to stay behind him in case it gets worse. The green beam beams down onto the sand and it's Gleeb and three green midget aliens as Gleeb blows off the aliens for misplacing the Zaslovian Atomizer. Ooooookkkkaaayyy. He threatens to boil them in Cremate Oil and the midget aliens gulp in fear in their own special way. Drake walks in claiming that they are wimps and once again; this proves how REALLY STUPID Drake is. Know thy enemy is not a strong trait in the Cartoon Duck world I see. Gleeb notices Drake with the gun and blows off the aliens again as Gleeb wants the gun back. Drake no sells and wants Launchpad back. So then Gleeb does nothing and Drake floats into the air and then we see how Gleeb does it with motion control. Oh; so that why Mr. Hardcore is so afraid of motion control then! It's because in their tiny little minds; they will be turned inside out and bounce like a purple ball with eyes. HAHA! If only for the love of PZ Meyers that was actually TRUE!

Gosalyn captures this all on tape; just to be Gosalyn as the ball squeezes out it's arm and gives the gun back to Gleeb and then gets bounces out and turned back to normal. Damn; he should have kept him in that form for the entire episode; just for a laugh. Gosalyn loved it; but she switched batteries and demands a retake. HAHA! Since Gleeb is right there; you could ask him nicely. BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed again Drake! YOU ARE NOT...POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Anyhow; Gleeb wants to use the gun to kill them for good; but then Launchpad steps in and informs him that they are with him. Well; at was rather silly. Gosalyn climbs onto Launchpad and wants to see the stitches from their dissection of him (which by the way; LP would be dead if that happened in real life); and LP claims that the aliens are nice. Well; the green aliens are pretty nice, Gleeb on the other hand, not so much. Apparently; LP and the aliens are old friends as we go to the FLASHBACK OF DOOM as we see LP (with the same gear he always wears; only he's five years old now) in a high chair that is so high that LP is afraid of heights. He topples down and then he gets dragged away by his father. And OH MY GOD; Ripcord McQuack is back from Top Duck. I didn't think they would even remember him considering that Dev Ross never wrote a single episode for Ducktales. LP gets dragged into the red airplane with Ripcord and we take off as LP's grip was so good back then that he was ripping pavement off literally. So we go into the air and do the loop-de-loop for only 15 cents. Ripcord's plan was solid; but he forgot to fasten LP's seat belt and LP free falls and prays. Then he gets floated by a pink alien duck in a pink dress and a rocket pack. Launchpad addresses her as Tia and Tia is voiced by Allyce Beasley Gleeb and she started with King's Crossing as Salesgirl in 1982. She did mostly cameos until she was in Moonlighting as Agnes DiPesto in 1985. Darkwing Duck is her DTVA debut and she appeared in Recess as Miss Grotke. She has 55 titles to her resume. Bored to Death and Gravity are her most recent credits. She also was Edna in As The World Turns in 2009.

So Tia flies Launchpad up and they fly around the skies for a bit as Launchpad's fear of flying was gone and LP is cloudy and Tia giggles. So LP and Tia decide to have some fun at the fair and she crashed him into wooden something off-screen and we discover that this might be is first unofficial crash landing. How fitting it happened without a plane too?! So Launchpad and Tia hold hands as they make it to the cotton candy booth and the denizens of Saint Carnard all scatter like scalded ducks because there is an alien loose. LP grabs the flying cotton candy stick on the rebound. I see one of the ducks in that scene wears the exact same shirt as Drake Mallard. Hmmmmm... NAH! Couldn't be?! So LP puts the cotton candy on her head which makes pink anime hair and they play on the merry-go-round as LP wants to go faster. So Tia points like a Kinetic user and the merry-go-round turns around too fast and everyone except LP and Tia fly into the air and where they land; the writers don't care. LP is dizzy though as both kids giggle with each other. Then we see Tia (without pink anime hair) and LP fly into the sky and over the river on the sky to ground shot. They fly as the UFO arrives and the doors of the ship open as Gleeb takes his green zapper gun and teleports LP back to behind the red baron plane. In a strange moment; Ripcord actually speaks; but uses LP's voice. It's weird because Robert Ridgely should still be alive at this point and thus was Ripcord in Top Duck. Oh well; LP is dizzy and Ripcord offers to land the plane and we return to reality (no, not really). We head inside the UFO on an vertical escalator device as Drake wonders why they want Launchpad now. Launchpad states that Tia is now Queen of the Galaxy as Tia looks older, taller and awesome. Drake still asks the same question as Gleeb claims that Launchpad is going to Oompa LP. Which is codeword for Tia f***ing Launchpad (aka having sex). I know this because Drake covers Gosalyn's ears and blows off Gleeb for such nasty language. This is too funny because the writers clearly made "oompa" a sub for f*** (which rhymes with duck by the way; nice.) which is funny because in Plunder and Lightning part four; Baloo slipped the word f***ing during the comeback against the air pirates. If Kit and Rebecca weren't cheering, the censors would have spotted this a long time ago. And they have done nothing to fix it.

So Launchpad insists that it has nothing to do with sex because they are only getting married and he's king of the Galaxy. Drake blows LP off as there is a serious creditability gap. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Drake Mallard?! Gosalyn loves this idea; and offers 15 percent of the profits under the contract that she films them. Why not? She needs the exposure anyway. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! ZAP! OUCH! Ummmm... Drake walks in protest of this outrage; and it's not just Gosalyn's sleazy heelish attempts to make a Z-grade home movie. Drake thinks that their is another reason she wants Launchpad and Gleeb is pissed off (and so am I), so since he violated Zaslovian (Alan Zaslove play perchance guys?) law; he must de-evolve and shoots the REVERSE EVOLUTION RAY GUN OF DEATH on Drake. It causes some smoke; but Drake no sells it, for about three seconds and then he de-evolves into CaveDrakemon. Oh come on; the Digimon joke was RIGHT THERE waiting to be targeted. I like Gleeb now; I really, really do. Gleeb blows his gun and mocks Drake as Gosalyn panics and Drake is dumb. Really; is there any real difference between the two? Other than the shape and full of himself promo?! This ends the segment 11 and a half minutes in.

After the commercial break; we head to an outside shot of the UFO as Drake keeps de-evolving into a monkey, a lizard and a ambeoa in that order. All while keeping his purple mask, natch. Tia finally speaks in her adult voice as she explains that she returned here because due to science, technology and progress; they turned cold and unemotional. Oookkkkaaayyy; you want Launchpad to know true love. You didn't have to state the whole history of your race there. Gosalyn asks for Drake to be put in a form that gives him a backbone. Riiiiggggghhhttt Gosalyn. I kind of like him this way. Tia orders Gleeb to return him back to normal and Gleeb agrees while blowing off Drake's attitude. And really; who could blame him? So he uses the gun and we break logic when he returns to normal because when he turns back; we never see the monkey form at all in the sequence. Bad logic there guys! Drake blows off Gleeb while the OUT OF NOWHERE fly appears and Drake snags it. This would have been funnier if the fly was around throughout the scene. Tia proclaims that LP give her the gift of laughter as LP slaps skin with the alien and then shoos them away. Gosalyn feels bad about not seeing Launchpad again and hopes he visits them. Launchpad claims that he will as Gosalyn wonders if LP is doing the right thing here and LP talks more complexity about Tia claims that she can do far more good out there than in the current solar system. Gosalyn insists that he does better on Earth and really; how can you argue with that overwhelming dose of logic and fatalism? Launchpad pets her hair and tells her that he is no longer needed from Drake and that Gosalyn is Drake's successor to the sidekick. Riiiigggghhhhtttt LP. Gosalyn is in tears and hugs LP which in any other universe would have been emotional; but it doesn't work here because Gosalyn and Launchpad don't really have that much attachment to each other like Kit and Baloo did in A Bad Reflection On You part two. Gleeb blows off all this emotion as slobby. If this were TaleSpin; I would kick him freakin teeth in for that comment. Here; he has a point as he goes to a computer which has a glass IV filled with red liquid as Drake sarcastically mocks Gleeb while asking him about Launchpad's duties while doing the Gruffi pose. Gleeb basically claims that his duties is to be a diplomat and Drake isn't sure about them having the right duck; which is countered with a De-evolution gun into the face. HAHA!

Launchpad isn't so sure either because he will be far away from home as the green aliens are in tears and Launchpad doesn't like commitment to marriage either. What a shock that is?! He goes into over dramatics about it as he needs a lot of time to think about this and Gleeb (who is not amused) states that he has until tomorrow and Launchpad accepts it. Gosalyn and Drake look at each other confused. So we get the star scene changer as we head outside the desert in the morning as Gosalyn has the megaphone and a purple visor, and glasses on. The tripod with the camera is set up as she is shooting an Z-grade alien movie of course. Then we see only three green aliens wearing cowboy outfits and having guns in holsters as Gosalyn blows this all off because it needs a bigger cast. I'm guessing that the other two green aliens are already been boiled in oil. That was distressing. So the green aliens pluck feathers from their hats and shoot them to reveal clones of green duck aliens. Gosalyn loves this; but hopes that they work for scale. We then see the two remaining aliens (Ah; I thought we lost them in boiled oil. My mistake.) as they have some big ass green trees with flowers in them as Drake is hiding behind a rock blowing off LP for going with this wedding. The teleport beam is used to disappear them as Drake thinks that either Tia is up to something evil; or love is so blind it's evil. Drake ponders how to get aboard and then he sees his ticket in as we see a zombie Cowboy Doug (check the googly eyes) wheeling in a wedding cake which will probably be destroyed by the end of this episode.

So we have the spiral scene changer as we head back to the ship where a green alien is pushing a red button on the wall. It produces a table and the alien puts the wedding cake down and leaves. And out pops Drake destroying the wedding cake as I expected him to. And in record time to boot. So we head to the vertical escalator as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM continues just to annoy me. If you want to kill the killer groove an episode gets into; call DARKWING...DUCK!! We head to a Y-fork as we see from the left Gleeb and a ROB like robot as Gleeb is blowing off the ROB wannabe for slacking off. So Drake uses his grappling gas gun mode (with a plunger) to rise up as Gleeb wants to really do something awful to Launchpad before the marriage commences. As they go stage left; Drake gets all cocky in knowing that something evil was going on; but he splats into the escalator and follows stage left as a flat head. HAHA! So Gleeb looks around (and forget to look behind him of course) and opens the conveniently placed door and slams it from behind them as Drake bumps into the door; the door opens and the ROB robot wannabe flatten Drake flatter than Alexander the Grape. NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! About damn time I brought that joke out of retirement. Drake is like Paper Mario; only dumber as he slides under the door and then pops back to normal and acts like he's punch drunk.

Drake recovers and discover that there is a shelf filled with jars of brains. Ummmm; yeah. Drake panics and notices Gleeb at a table with a white metal device containing a brain inside. Gleeb puts it into a robot looking almost nothing like Launchpad and the robot suddenly works and does calculations on a blackboard (conveniently placed of course) and then blows it off because it's too smart and then blames ROB for it because a good heel never admits that it's his fault. Drake is repulsed by all this and forget his promo too. So Gleeb takes a hammer and MURDERS the brain device like a maniac. Sadly; in the next shot when he put the brain back into the robot; the whole thing is completely undamaged. The robot goes over to the blackboard (which magically cleans itself for no reason) and he draws a stick cat figure. Gleeb calls this a success as he takes the brain out. He proclaims that he is going to put it in Launchpad's head and control him, which will control the queen and then Gleeb will be the ruler of the galaxy. So yes; Tia is not a heel; just clueless. Gleeb wants to test it on an earthling brain first, and look who arrives at 16:31 as Gleeb does his motion control stuff and floats Drake up into the air and the metal arms grab him and we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on...So we return with a closeup of pink and eyes. We discover that it's Drake looking like a slug in the jar on the zoom out. Drake screams like mad and that ends the segment nearly 17 minutes in.

After the commercial break; we get one of the most pointless moments ever: The doors open for no reason and we hear more screaming as we zoom into the spot where Drake is inside a jar. Well; his brain, or he's a slug. Either way works fine to me. Drake calms himself down trying to rationalize this; then he screams again. HAHA! So we discover that the door opening was not pointless because here comes Drake's body as Drake wants it to come to him. It does and it shakes the jar to scramble Drake's brain matter even further. Sadly; Drake doesn't die from brain damage as Gleeb mocks Drake and proclaiming that he will be using Drake's body to lure Launchpad into the lab and then Drake's brain and LP's brain will have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the short pier. Gleeb leaves laughing with Drake's body as Drake is pissed off and he pops the jar open at 17:49...

Darkwing: I am the terror who flaps in the night. I am the headache in the criminal mind...

That was LAME-O Drake! It should be: I am the stroke in the criminal mind; that sounds threatening actually. Drake's brain bounces out and somehow; without any reason the doors opens. What? You couldn't show Drake pushing the red button which was right there in the background? Bad form there guys. So we return to inside Tia's room as Tia thinks Launchpad will look wonderful in his new outfit which is quite reasonable; but the crown is so goofy that it needs a slight redesign. The green aliens are measuring him as Launchpad still isn't sure about this Ooompa because they barely know each other. Tia knows enough that LP is kind and he blushes right on that cue. Tia runs down all the praises she can think of and then tells him and she must take her leave to have her wedding dress fitted. So she leaves and Launchpad's wedding suit is ripped off by the green aliens. They leave and the door opens to reveal Drake's brain as he feels relieved when he bounces him noticing him before Gleeb. Launchpad is scared because there is a brain slug like device bouncing around him. And then we have a logic break as the writers make him mute for this scene even though we clearly heard him when Gleeb was mocking him. I cannot accept that logic break at all and it's only done just to do a stupid "bounce once for yes, twice for no" which was done last year in All's Whale That Ends Whale. Even Drake's brain hates it as demonstrated by him bouncing into LP's chest so you know this sucks. Launchpad grabs him and deduces that he wants to play with him. Ooookkkkayyy; I'm fine with that as Launchpad plays Drake's brain like a basketball. HAHA!

So the door opens and in comes Drake's body as Launchpad passes the brain and Drake's body catches it without any trouble. Drake's brain is seriously (insert swear word here) as Gosalyn enters the room from the opposite side. We discover that she entered the lab instead and she sees all of these brains in jar as she gets off Keen Gear #1 for the episode as we see Gleeb watching the monitor of Drake's brain being caught by Drake's body as he orders the body to lure Launchpad since Drake's brain is useless to them now. He wants LP's brain. I don't understand making this so dramatic because it was obvious from the jar of brains what he wanted from the start. Gosalyn plugs the camera into a video port. Yes; this UFO has human technology, don't ask me why?! Sadly; the wire allows every single monitor on screen to play Gleeb's entire Krackpotkin plan to everyone from the green cowboy aliens, to Tia , to even Rob the Robot wannabe who grabs Gosalyn and forces her onto the ground. Too little, too late Gleeb, you have been exposed. So Gleeb brings out his brain extractor and wants to do some shooting on the director as Gosalyn is screwed now. So we see Drake's body do a nasty hook shot on Drake's brain and get tossed in the trash. HAHA! Life is funnier when Drake is an international object; even his own brain. Drake's body lures LP towards the door and now the brain of Drake is PISSED. So he bounces and rolls; allowing him to trip Drake's body and bounce him down onto the floor. The brain of Drake then stomps down on Drake's head into his suit; but then bounces and is whistling PISSED now. Launchpad claims that they play really rough. NO?! REALLY?!

So we return into the lab as Gosalyn dodges the de-evolution beam which turns Rob into a toaster. HAHA! Gosalyn's back is against the wall as Gleeb is about to shoot to kill; but there comes the cowboy green aliens as they shoot the gun Gleeb was holding; which also fires at the same time; deflecting the shot as the babyfaces duck and Gleeb gets shot into...a fish. A WHAT?! The cowboys put Gleeb into a jar and that is that for the heels. So we head outside of the UFO as the green teleport beam comes down and all the babyfaces show up. Drake is heeling on Tia though as he wants to arrest Gleeb for criminal offenses; but Tia no sells because the humans aren't ready for it. You means the furries aren't ready for it. My goodness madam, it's not like they aren't any less alien than you are. Drake tries the old book deal trick; but the green aliens zap him with the brain eraser (also known as the Black Box Of Doom) and Drake is stupid again. Too bad that is temporary. Gosalyn offers to give her tape back to the aliens; but the green aliens rise her up into the air and they shake her to reveal a half dozen tapes in her shirt. Ummmm; yeah. She gets zapped with the brain eraser as Tia wonders if he is sure about not doing the Ooompa and Launchpad proclaims that it takes more than kindness and laughter to pull marriage off as the green aliens pluck a white feather from Launchpad for fun. Tia kisses LP and sezs her goodbyes as apparently; Launchpad gets zapped with something and we zap scene change to the road as the blue car drives on the road as if nothing had happened. In fact; we do the MANOS ending again. I didn't like it in Lad In The Lamp; and I don't like it here. It's basically the beginning of the episode; only the UFO is chasing them and we cut to Tia crying as she looks on and in comes Launchpad with the green aliens. WHAT THE HELL?! So they didn't zap him?! Bad twist ending there guys! So LP and Tia want to plan some fun and that ends the episode at 21:08. Dumb ending and rushed finish aside; this was a great episode and was enjoyable. But really; if you going to do an Ooompa in real life; make sure it's R-rated before you start. **** (80%).


Wow; I was expecting a not so good filler episode and I ended up with a really good episode with some flaws. Gleeb was annoying; but he has a cool robot to bash verbally and physically that looked like ROB from the Nintendo Entertainment System. Gosalyn's subplot with shooting a Z-Grade movie was pretty good; Drake was Drake as usual, LP was LP, the green aliens were cute and strong, and Tia's little form was awesome, Tia's adult okay was about the same. I also like how they set this one up because it makes somewhat sense in this world that Launchpad was afraid of flying and then overcame it with Tia; while giving Tia laughter and fun. Nice to see the writers remember Ripcord McQuack too (even if they couldn't get Robert Ridgley to voice him.). The downsides of this episode were the rushed finish as the villain got beaten way too easily and the twist ending was dumb because I'm sure that he was zapped at the end; and thus would forget Tia in the first place. Plus; the whole confusion with Drake's brain talking with Gleeb and then being mute with Launchpad. The whole Oompa gimmick is funny I'm sure Willy Wonka will be suing Launchpad anytime now. Overall; a really good episode that could have been awful due to CDS and whatever; but wasn't and it did have a proper finish and ending albeit rushed and dumb. So next up is A Star Is Scorned and barring any appointments: The Quiverwing Quack. So....

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time!


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