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Bad Luck Duck
Reviewed: 07/14/2012
If That's Bad Luck; Then Kit Wishes He Were A Duck!
Believe it or not; we are finally at the 65th episode mark of this series and we will end it with another Negaduck episode. Oh joy! So; let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Michael Maurer. The story is edited by Doug Langdale and Kevin Crosby Hopps. The animation is done by Hanho Heung Up Company Limited.
We begin this one with a sky shot of an island as the Hell Thunder Quack (Negaduck is such a dirty pirate isn't he?) is being driven by NegaDuck, DUH! And it's a chase between the original and the copy to make NegaDuck pay royalties and kill the copy. Well; the second part is probably more accurate than the first one. Drake drops onto the window of the Hell Thunder Quack and wants Negaduck to face the music. NegaDuck loves musicals (then that's why people hated High School Musical THEN! Or maybe not...); as he flips the window glass with the dreaded red button and it's bye, bye birdie. If only Neggy, if only. So then the Hell Thunder Quack tips over and Neggy falls and parachutes along with Drake onto the island. Neggy thinks he's safe (Riiiiiggggghhhtttt Neggy.) and of course Drake has the gas gun out ready to make Neggy suck gas. Neggy calls it luck and I have to agree with him because Drake of course cuts a full of himself promo about it all being the skills BABEE! Then we get rumbling as Drake falls on his ass and the volcano explodes in the background allowing Neggy to tie up Drake really, really good and speed off. Sadly; Drake is able to talk as he blows off Neggy's Exit Stage Left getaway because Neggy is a coward. Well; you suck Darkwing if you can be easily tied up after just a little rumbling. Then we hear some denizens of the island (all whom are pigs with horns on their noses) as the natives are dancing and the pig chief in native gear is doing some clay voodoo which looks really cool. Their chants are also pretty neat so I cannot complain about this. He brings out his amulet with has a green emerald out as the model is a volcano and it explodes in time with the original volcano and then closes the mouth of both volcanoes in time with the original. Neggy's jaw drops and he gets giddy as he imagines the havoc he can cause with that thing. The pig cult figures like it too and Neggy runs in and snaps the rope like necklace and steals the amulet before bailing stage left with a promo.
So the pig chief orders them to get it back and the pigs blow blow darts and they all miss the palm tree and create a Nega Duck figure. The timing here is so off that Neggy flees about three seconds before the darts ever make contact with the tree. Drake enters with gas gun as Neggy hides behind rock as the natives notice Drake and Drake proclaims that they are ambassadors of the country and the natives deserve respect. So they give Drake respect by blow darting his hat. HAHA! The pig chief (Hal Rayle) demands that Drake give back the amulet HE stole. Yes folks; the pig chief is stupider than Drake Mallard. Then again; he's a pig and color blind so good attention to detail. But that still doesn't explain the gas gun he has doesn't it?! So Drake blows them off and thrust spears in his face. Drake counters with the gas gun and fires a net on them. That's a no-no in diplomatic circles Darkwing Duck! The witch doctor is pissed off and Drake must suffer the curse of eternal bad luck and the pigs hold each other in fear. The problem with this is; he suffers bad luck EVERY episode; so how is a curse going to make it even worse for Drake. How about putting on a curse that makes kids hate ducks? That'll make Michael Eisner's main squeeze sell! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed again Drake! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!! Huh? This might be a good curse after... POW! OUCH! Ummm...Spoke too soon. I would prefer the oil slick duck; or skinning duck alive curse too. So the witch doctor invokes the CURSE OF EVERY EPISODE'S PROBLEM on Drake and Drake predictability no sells it. Well; that wand he's using is so lame that even I would design it to look more badass.
So Drake walks off and of course he's REALLY STUPID as he slides down a natural hill and bounces about a dozen times for no reason and lands face first into the green slime moat. Oh sure; we're supposed to believe that is part of the curse. Memo to witch doctor: Drake does this spot at least once every episode. That's his gimmick; being an international object. The witch doctor wants his amulet back; or the curse gets worse. Drake blows him off and grabs the vine and tugs it. The tree comes down and squashes Drake. Yawn; when is the curse REALLY going to start Mr. Witch Doctor?! The Thunder Quack arrives and the grappling hooks Drake up and Drake proves that this is not bad luck. I have to agree; this curse is so weak sauce. And then he tells LP to hit it and Drake get bashed around the palm trees. HAHA! Okay; so when does the curse start Mr. Witch Doctor?! Seriously; you expect me to believe that the curse is working right now? So we scene change to the skies with the Thunder Quack AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Drake blows off the witch doctor for being stupid. Launchpad points out that Negaduck got away and Drake calls him lucky. Well of course Drake; he was lucky that pigs are color blind. Drake puts his web feet on the panel claiming that he has a meeting with the DARKWING...DUCK fan club. Wait; I thought that club was disbanded after the incident involving Steelbeak and Ammonia Pine in Cleanliness Is Next To Badliness?! And second; Drake is channeling Rebecca Cunningham from Spy In The Ointment as this is the exact same spot she did to blow the Sea Duck's cover. For a show that is called filler; they sure as hell steal a lot of spots from it for this show.
And the panel is poorly drawn on the far shot and better drawn on the near shot (Boy; making Hanho an additional services company was better for TaleSpin wasn't it?) and of course Drake's heel hits the red button (and that looks screwed up as well) leading to the ejection seat. You can guess what happens next. Apes of Wrath, I'm just saying Mr. Witch Doctor. So we see Drake flying into the city as we head to a convention hall as only about seven fans made it to the event as apparently half of them are the Darkwing Squad. I think. A duck dressed in Darkwing's gear (and man; he sounds like a man child version of Ernie from the Jungle Aces) makes it to the stage and we get the lamest Darkwing chant ever. We pan over to Gosalyn alone sitting at a table with chips and dip. She is blowing off all this as the Save The Geeks Foundation. So the leader of the fan club introduces Drake with the spotlight on a behind table (How bad must you be when you don't even get the same table as Gosalyn and are in the back?); but there is no Drake. The leader of the fan club (with red hair who may be Gosalyn's long lost cousin; which explains Gosalyn blowing him off.) thinks Drake will arrive and here comes Drake through the ceiling. Now remember that the spotlight was a table in the back. Guess where Drake lands? Right at the same table Gosalyn was in and it shatters along with two chairs and the wood almost MURDERS Gosalyn in the process. Bad, bad form there guys. One of the members of the fan club looks like a cross between Mrs. Beakly and Broadcast Sally both in looks and personality.
Gosalyn blows off the dip and the underwhelming support; but Drake accepts it. Modesty?! From Drake?! Nahhhhhhhh... Anyhow Drake does the see-saw spot on a bowl of dip as he gets on stage and butts the red haired leader of the fan club aside. He brings out the speech; which the paper length is a lot shorter than I expected. So the curse makes him more modest?! To be frank; I wish it was the case. And the bowl of dip dumps on Drake's head which we have already seen in some form in the last episode I ranted on. So he spins around and collides into Gosalyn's seat and Gosalyn somehow escapes being injured by plopping on Drake's head. Great real comment that wasn't supposed to be real comment from the leader of the fan club. Launchpad walks in as Gosalyn is blowing off Drake and popping the bowl off his head. LP thinks it's the curse by the witch doctor and Drake blows it off while Gosalyn has the Gruffi pose on full blast. Once again; Drake doesn't see where he is going and the microphone stand is stepped on and the microphone MURDERS Drake's beak. As much as that is really funny; the microphone has no chance in hell of making Drake Mallard shut up. Not even the curse can shut Drake up and we see a perfect example of it. If the witch doctor were smart; he would have used a mute spell on Drake instead. Gosalyn gleefully blows off Drake as usual.
So we head outside with Negaduck making a model lion as he has the green gem amulet and rubs it onto the model lion which doesn't come to life; but the statue of the lion does come to life. Sadly; he has no eyeballs; a sure sign of brainwashing or being an undead zombie. Weaknesses: light and fire. The zombie lion goes into the building as Neggy proclaims that it's chow time. So we cut to inside a building as Drake looks at the Broadcast Beakly's cheese mode of Darkwing Duck. He balances the sherbert model and puts it on the table. Then he is so stupid to lean on the table that the model goes flying and splats on the floor off-screen. Sigh. Drake stammers like an idiot; but the fan forgives Drake anyway and kisses him repeated times. And now here comes the zombie lion and man you can hear it roar. Everyone bails outside (another jump cut; but more forgivable this time around) as Drake tries to invoke the lame karate moves; but the lion swipe cuts his torso into six pieces basically. In other words; Bryan Alvarez running into barbed wire before realizing that the brake on the ten speed bicycle is on the handle. So Neggy wants him to be shot into kitty litter; but here come the witch doctor and his pigs. WHAT THE HELL?! How did they get to Saint Carnard?! They blow darts; lion model gets destroyed, zombie lion pounces on top of Drake, Drake does the tiny umbrella spot (ala Wily E. Coyote I might add) and gets squashed. The leader of the fan club comes over and is more concerned about the 1st annual Darkwing Duck parade. That should be shorter than Drake's own speech; even WITHOUT the dip bowl in play.
So Gosalyn and LP push the lion statue out and Drake is flatter than my sex life. LP pops Drake back to normal and wonders who caused this. Then he sees Neggy and accuses him of the deed; and here come the color blind pigs shooting darts on Drake's Zorro Hat again. And the spot clearly looks like they recycled from Bugs Bunny; right down to the "don't care" look. Drake then bails into the dumpster and that allows the pigs to notice NegaDuck and they chase after him. We cut back to the dumpster as Drake finally realizes who stole the amulet and he rises up and then slips on the edge of the dumpster and falls back into the dumpster. Ho hum. So when the heck is the curse supposed to start again?! LP notices that he slipped on the lion model and Drake calls it good luck because it's a clue. Sadly; the trash truck arrives and throws the dumpster's contents into the back of the trash truck. The garbage truck drives away as we return to Drake's hideout as we head to Drake's table and it's just kooky clay. LP wonders why he needs kooky clay. Drake calls this elementary as he leans on the table which makes chemicals mix with each other on said table. the chemicals explode, Drake goes flying onto the wires of the bridge, falls down as his cape screws him, then gets flown away by a car in such a way that it's impossible to do in real life, then hangs from a clothesline with a heart apron and then the clotheslines snaps; Drake faceplants and there is the Darkwing Duck fanclub amusing me by enjoying this. Oh; I get the curse now: it's the Darkwing Duck Fanclub that is the curse put on Drake. HAHA! Which explains why they never came back after this episode.
So it's time for the parade as Drake walks to the street and it's only two floats; one is on drums; the other one is driving the green roof less car. And it's the leader of the fanclub driving I might add. Drake hops into the car and the fan club leader is pleased to see him. So we cut to the alley as NegaDuck has created a model hydrant out of clay and blows off the Save The Geeks Foundation as well. Yeah; because these geeks won't soon be stealing your jobs and getting ahead in life. Oh wait; they did, never mind. So the hydrants come to life and he opens the top of the clay model which breaks logic by being a red hydrant even though it was supposed to be clay. Again; why does Hanho be allowed to animate episode after what happened with Ruby Spears?! So we get the multiple water cannons on the fan club and we flood the streets with water. Drake gets splooshed and driven into the (moral) sewer by the water as Neggy mocks him again. Sadly; he hops too close to the hole as Drake pops up and has the gas gun ready to make NegaDuck suck gas. So Neggy brings out a model hippo and Drake mocks it. So Neggy uses the amulet on it and we see a Purple Hungry Hippo (the same fast food joint in this series) come to life as the denizens sitting on the stools (NOT THOSE ONES!) bail stage left. Drake bails and bounces into an orange car which grabs onto his cape. Drake admits that he has a little bad luck. Geez; what made you think that Drake? It's not like every other episode isn't like this. The Rat Catcher drives in with LP and Gosalyn in tow as Drake blows off LP for not reminding him to buy rip proof capes. So the purple hippo stalks them as Neggy uses the model to open the hippo's mouth; just as the cape rips off the trunk door of the car. Wait; that cape was supposed to be rip proof?! REFUND!! The GANG OF GAG gets thrust into the purple hippo's mouth and then Neggy uses the model to close the hippo's mouth and declares the babyfaces dead. Good luck on that one Neggy; I doubt Drake will shut up either way. This ends the segment 12 and a half minutes in. Look; this episode is fine and dandy, but this whole bad luck curse thing is so dumb.
After the commercial break; we see Neggy cheering victory and brings out the chainsaw to celebrate the demise of Darkwing Duck. So what happened to the witch doctor and his pigs? Seriously; what happened to them? Neggy saws a lamp pole and that destroys a car as he bails. We head back to the purple hippo and inside as the babyfaces are clearly all right since it is still a store after all. Well; almost everyone as Launchpad's head in stuck in a water pail. LP pops the pail from his head and panics while Gosalyn loves the irony of it all. Drake is trying to think this over as Gosalyn finds a jar of electric hot peppers. And yes folks; I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. She puts them into the sandwich (and somehow; she doesn't get shocked. I guess you have to eat them to electrocute you.) and offers it to Drake. Drake asks if this is a chili burger and Gosalyn lies through her teeth. So Drake takes the bun and eats it and we get the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS; some bouncing, some shaking and then we missile right through the hippo's head and into orbit out of sight as Gosalyn calls it a hot pepper wall smasher. Even though he busted through the ceiling. Who writes this stuff? The natives finally arrive for no reason and look to be chasing Drake and then we fade to black...
...and quickly return to the bridge hideout. Drake is still blasting the curse (and really can you argue with him on that?) as he is sitting in a love seat with bandages on his arms as Gosalyn is reading a comic book and being sarcastic. Drake blows it off and has a two button remote control as he wants to watch television. Sadly; the remote he has is the wrong one and the satellite blasts him to ashes. HAHA! Okay; now it's safe to say that he's been cursed because he wants a doctor right now. And lookie; here comes the witch doctor and his two cult members. Witch Doctor asks if he believes in cruses now which is silly considering all that has happened to him. Witch Doctor demands amulet back; Drake realizes that his double has the amulet, Gosalyn wants him uncursed and Witch Doctor agrees to do it. He tries the magic spell; but the OUT OF NOWHERE fly sits on Drake's beak and Drake sneezes so hard that he sneezes Witch Doctor into the box and that somehow breaks the wand in two. Well; Witch Doctor, now do you believe that cursing Drake Mallard was such a good idea? So Gosalyn pulls on Drake as his foot is bandaged up now as she's trying to stop Drake from killing himself. Drake blows it off because it's a little bad luck and Neggy is heading to the Kooky Clay Factory to get more clay when he runs out I guess. That leads to Drake tripping and doing a picture perfect dive into the Rat Catcher and it drives into the bookshelf and Drake is entombed with books. HAHA! Drake pops from the carnage and decides to catch up on his reading. So we head to the Kooky Clay Factory complete with wrecking ball machine outside the building. Why? I have no idea. So we close up to Nega Duck at the front as he has loaded the clay onto the forklift and proclaims that he'll have enough to last for years; which will be much longer than Saint Carnard will as he has inanimate objects all at his commands. No one will be able to stop him and then the smoke of doom and voice over of doom beckons at 15:30:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the ...(crash)...all right, who put the banana peel there?!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! One guess, and the first letters are K-I-T. Good one there sir. (Kit: OKAY!! {Thumbs up.}) And yes; the banana peel magically show up as Drake's eye is bandaged as well and is turning into a mummy at this point. NegaDuck mocks Drake as the terror who trips in the night. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake tries to pounce Neggy; but lands head first into the clay, natch. Neggy laughs him off and runs into a building with Gosalyn and LP in it. Drake mocks him in kind as he pops his face from the clay and chases after him. And he tries to take the elevator; but it's clearly out of order and unsafe since the door is still open. Drake freefalls and takes the bump with CHEESE AND BACON of course. So Drake climbs up, shimmy style as LP and Gos run up the stairs and Drake makes it to the roof. Then we see a helicopter (which apparently is the hell version of the one in Ducktales) fly away with a roped amount of clay as Neggy waves goodbye in Italian. Drake puts a harpoon in his gas gun and it's time to get dangerous. Which involves Drake being right in front of the door to allow LP and Gosalyn to open the door and whack Drake away. HAHA! This curse is so not believable. He misses by a mile (of course) as Neggy does the universal chant for Neaner, Neaner. Which Hulk Hogan of all people stole for TNA Lockdown 2012. How TNA became so respectable now is amazing. The harpoon rope bounces off brick buildings and pushes the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and starts up the wrecking ball machine. So the wrecking ball rises into the air as Drake didn't want to get this dangerous and then it drops to end the segment nearly 17 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we get another angle as the falling sound is badly timed with the wrecking ball. Drake then takes the gas gun and fires a loaded explosion glove and it makes the wrecking ball explode. Sadly; the top doesn't explode into pieces and Drake gets squashed by a hallowed top of the wrecking ball. That looked so weak sauce that it isn't funny. Then the ceiling crumbles and Drake free falls as LP and Gosalyn go down the steps as we super size bumps off-screen with the most poorly drawn building in history. We then get onto the ground floor; and naturally LP misses Drake by a mile and Drake takes the bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON. What a shock that was?! Drake plops and we head back to the hideout as Drake is in bed in a full body cast sulking in defeat because he's a menace to himself and the community. He finally FIGURED that out NOW?! And the arm cast whacks him in the face for fun. Launchpad makes it better for me by claiming that another super hero will save the day. Yeah; maybe GizmoDuck?! Drake doesn't like it; but what can he do?! He sulks as Gosalyn bails to the conveniently placed lever with trap door and pulls it (WRONG LEVER!). She teases leaving; but then returns with the Darkwing Duck fan club; the only thing that gives the curse creditability. Oh goodie. And yes; they have blindfolds on. And after years of golly free action, one of the members (the small puppy with two square teeth) sezs golly three times. Gosalyn informs them that Drake is quitting forever basically; and the fan club cries and screams like a bunch of wailing dogs from a 40 mile radius.
Drake is so annoyed by this hideous crying that he proclaims that he cannot let Neggy rule the world because he's the terror that flaps in the night and the itch you cannot reach because he's Darkwing Duck. His modest promo sounds better than his vain promos. That is not a good sign for the character in general. Drake demands the civilians to leave as they stop crying and get giddy and Gosalyn uses the lever (WRONG LEVER!) to bring them down a level. Drake continues to act full of himself; so the WUZZLE COMPACT BED OF DEATH screws him. HAHA! The babyface unfold the bed as we hear more rumbling outside and we see that Nega Duck has his own Hell Boat (Geez; where does he get this stuff from?) as he's going to magically make the tower of the bridge come to life without model clay at all and the tower wires and bridge comes apart literally showing just the towers as a monster. Oookkkkayyy; Drake pops down and they head to the trapdoor leading to the Thunder Quack; but Drake gets squashed by a boulder and has to be helped to the TQ. They all get in and Gosalyn blows off Drake again. So we head outside as the TQ skips on water as the towers stomp on the water. Neggy is enjoying himself; but his promo cutting is lamer than Drake's sex life. Drake cannot believe this as Gosalyn thinks that making it trip would be a good idea and Drake agrees with him. So LP drives the TQ and uses the mouth (aka teeth) to grab the wire and tie the towers' legs together and it topples into the water and causes a giant ass wave to swamp Negaduck's hell boat.
Neggy spits water out; but he's prepared too as he brings out the model of the Thunder Quack and clips it's wings (as per the promo) as we head back to inside the TQ as Drake calls this nice work to LP. And the TQ's wings get clipped and the gang of gag is forced to bail with LP and Gosalyn using parachutes. And we don't see the bag with them either so they basically came out of the body. Drake of course gets nothing but crates and free falls and we jump to Drake getting up from the third CHEESE AND BACON bump of the episode from the hell boat. Drake brings out the gas gun and it's suck sushi. HAHA! Drake grabs the amulet from Neggy's necklace (Huh?) and then walks off; slips on the fish and ties his ankle against the chain anchor and the anchor drops down. Neggy brings out the bazooka as Drake grabs him by the cape and Neggy bounces into the side of the boat with Drake. The cape rips and Drake falls into the drink. The bazooka lands on the boat and fires the missile and Neggy does the leap of faith and grabs it. Then we jump cut to a far shot of the boat and the missile explodes anyway causing the hell boat to be totally destroyed and Neggy sinks. Oh let me guess; Toon Disney cut here. We fade to black and return to the tower under water as Drake's bed is tied to the television set and hooks. Drake blows off the witch doctor for double crossing him. Gosalyn blows off Drake because he went back to his home land to get his spare wand. Gosalyn turns on the television and he appears with yellow background and does the chant. And then we break logic and reason as the purple waves go out of the television and Drake has no more curse. As if he was any better to start with as Drake is giddy and the ropes snap and his bed flies into the water and Drake sinks as he proclaims that he shouldn't press his luck to end the episode at 21:07 aired. Just your average Darkwing Duck love in with a silly curse. *** 1/4 (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; that was an average episode to say the least. Mostly bad animation from Hanho Heung Up, a few logic breaks and a silly plot device that means nothing. Come on writers; you expect me to believe that Drake was cursed all this time; when he does these spots every single time this show airs?! I mean; the whole Nega Duck/Drake battle was fine and dandy. And the whole idea of making inanimate objects come to life is every moralists' wet dream; but the whole curse thing could have been written out and it would still be the same episode. How about eliminating the curse thing and let us wonder if Drake really has bad luck on his own character terms instead of using a plot device that really did nothing but up the violence level of some of the spots which we have seen before. The whole Darkwing Duck Fan club was pretty funny though and Drake as an international object is funny; but this was mostly an average episode animated by a squad who should never be allowed to animate again.
Well; that is the 65th episode rant done and we have finished the official Disney Afternoon season of Darkwing Duck. What a mess this was with some really awful episodes and three of them in the negative star range in terms of offending me. There were some memorable episodes like Time & Punishment and Life, The Megaverse and Everything; but many times there were flaws in episodes that shouldn't be there and there are times when they have a perfectly fine episode and they ruin it by invoking Cartoon Duck Syndrome. Total series quality for the Disney Afternoon episodes: 33 thumbs up, 12 thumbs down, 20 thumbs in the middle. So next up is That Sinking Feeling; the first of 13 episodes of Season one on ABC which was running at around the same time as the syndication episodes on Disney Afternoon. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time!