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Calm A Chameleon
I Think This Requires Boy George...
Here we are on the third episode of the Natal Day Marathon as we finally get to the debut of Camile Chameleon who is steal $100 printing plates; and Honker is now going to drop the wimp act. Camile only had one appearance on television; and yet was featured in the Ducktales comic recently brought out by KABOOM! So; let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Dean Stefan and story edited by Carter Crocker. The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation Japan with additional services provided by Atelier Bwca, Studio Jack, Jade Animation and Tama Pro.
We begin this one outside a museum like building AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we zoom in and notice a cross between a chameleon and a duck (check the tail. She might be a gecko for all I know) in a green sweater jacket with dark blue anime like hair. Yes; we waste no time involving Camile Chameleon; as she uses the blowtorch to try to create a hole through a safe. So this is a bank I see. The door is two tons of unforgiving steel; but Camile has a plan because she can adapt to certain situations; so she transforms easily into a strong duck who is on steroids and on HGH no less due to the absurd height (a good 10 feet or more) and pushes the metal circle through and then transforms back into herself. Think Ditto; but one who can transform it's own stats as well. Camile opens up various safety deposit boxes proclaiming that the only way to make money is print it yourself as she finds two $100 printing plates in the box. What person in life keeping printing plates in a safety deposit box; unless it was conspiring to print money illegally itself? Camile then hears the one guy you don't want to hear in any place and any time because we all know the power of burying from this lunatic. Yeap; it's the voice over of doom barely a minute in...
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the substantial but inescapable penalty for early withdrawal.
Cloud of smoke and he appears; dumber in disguise! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He cannot find the chameleon; just a wooden stool (NOT THAT ONE!) . Drake sits down; but it changes into "The Big Muscle Duck"; which should be Camile's nickname. TBMD pounds Drake's body right into his hat because you know what is funny. So Drake pops up as TBMD tries to escape; but Drake grabs the leg and calls for help. So Launchpad enter and Drake is fighting a broom. HAHA! When wrestler say that someone wrestles a broom stick to a decent match; they didn't mean it literally DW. Drake is flabergasted and then the broom makes legs and tracks out of the bank. Logic break: Drake sezs follow that mop; when it's clear that it looks like a broom and even stated as such. So the broom walks down the step and then changes into Camile as Drake and LP follow him and then we see a little girl licking a lollipop on the sidewalk. This is what Gosalyn would have looked like if she was a Ducktales character in 1987. Oh yeah; nothing odd about this at all; no siree. The girl tells them the direction and Drake and LP whistle for a cab for the girl to go home with. The cab shows up and the girl hops into the back seat and the cab speeds off. Drake cuts a full of himself promo; and then cuts it short because Camile is in the back now. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE DARKWING....DUCK!
So we head to the front of a school as Gosalyn walks towards the flagpole and notices that Honker has become the flag. Yeap; there is a bullying in these parts here. Gosalyn gets Honker down as we discover that Honker has been accused of being a wimp, nerd cake, book worm and having a terrible taste in clothes. Okay; the terrible taste of clothes is absurd; sadly; the rest of it is pretty much true. Gosalyn's skirting the issue isn't helping either. The real question is: What's wrong with being a nerd and a book worm? It's _biology_ for goodness sake! Honker blows off Gosalyn for skirting the whole thing and just walks off. So much for being subdued. Gosalyn calls him a poor wimp as we head to a rocky cave somewhere in Quackeria (or close to Saint Carnard; it's hard to tell) as we head inside and notice Camile building a makeshift printing press with the plates. She brings out a dollar bill and the ink from the printing press slides right off the photo paper. Camile blows off the sub-standard ink and proclaims that she needs better ink; or she'll never leave the cave as she throws the bottle of ink into the screen and it splatters. Oh yeah classic Disney fans; defend this bullcrap in Darkwing Duck and then blow it off in the new Disney why don't ya? Then be shocked when Disney no longer wants to bring the old classics back. It's not like you can be anymore of a hypocrite than you already are.
Anyhow; we head into Drake's living room as Drake comes down the steps and we have a dumb bell set up just for Drake to step on it and roll into the wall and break a few tables and other various international objects that come out of nowhere and go the same place. Gosalyn and Honker come in and Gosalyn blows off Drake with the Gruffi pose. Drake wants to know about the dumb bell; and Gosalyn explains that Honker has been called names and wants to get him in shape to stand up for himself. Honker tries to act all brave with a pose that just makes him look like he's trying to hide his shortcomings. Namely; his size. Drake blows it off because he has more important things to do; like solve bank robbery #34667. Gosalyn pulls on Drake pleading for a few pointers as Drake is more concerned with Camile than with Honker's problems. Drake deduces that she is a chameleon. NO?! REALLY?! As if the shape shifting didn't give that away? Gosalyn tells Drake that he is the most unwimpest guy on the planet and really; after all the times he has been used as an international object for my sick pleasure, can we really argue that point? Drake beams and decides to spend a few minutes with Honker. After all; as long as he knows he's being used and abused by Gosalyn; it's all okay. See; it's hard to take Gosalyn and Drake seriously on helping Honker when they bully Honker also. Sure; they don't call him bad names; they just shake him and pull the shirt and threaten him to do something.
Anyhow; we scene change to Drake in the blue chair with a note pad and pencil. Honker is lying on the sofa as Drake asks if he has problems saying no to people telling him what to do and Honker sezs yes. HA! I knew Drake and Gosalyn were enabling Honker's wimp status. So Drake has pin pointed the problem and Honker needs to be assertive (which is effective most of the time; so at least Drake knows the word at least) as Drake goes to the closet and hands the BOOK OF DOOM to Honker. It's DARKWING...DUCK's Assertiveness Training Course. Yeah; the training course to be like Darkwing (and even has a stock picture of Darkwing Duck): full of himself and REALLY STUPID. And Honker trying to do it only serves to make things worse FOR HIM; than it does for Drake. Anyhow; Launchpad runs in and proclaims that a robbery is in progress. Honker's legs are drawn really badly in this scene. See; Ink Inc. is being robbed and Drake wants the Rat Catcher right here, right now! So LP and Drake go to the flipping chairs and they flip. Drake flips double because he needs to steal Ric Flair's "diamonds are forever" promo. Ink Inc.: does this mean that Jesse Neal and Shannon Moore worked as ink blotters at one point? Ink Inc. is a TNA booking name for a tag team I should point out.
So we head to the factory which has a board of ink with two small i's. Ink Inc. is the leading supplier of ink blots for shrinks basically. The Rat Catcher arrive and Drake is about to enter the factor when an old man duck with a paperbag and a cane walk out and greets Drake. Drake then turns around because he heard it hiss. D'OH! Camile seriously needs to work on her mimic voice. Drake invokes the pointy finger of death and the old man changes into a cyclist duck and steals a bicycle from the bicycle locks. So we chase for a while; and then we get stuck in traffic. I think there is a jump cut (aka Toon Disney edit since I know this episode runs less than 21 minutes this time.) somewhere because the Rat Catcher just appears in the traffic jam and the bicycle is no where to be seen. Launchpad gleefully counters for me as Drake decides to bounce off the cars with the Rat Catcher. And in one of those "you know it's a children's cartoon" moments; when he bounces off the cars; there is no damage done to them at all. Of course Drake lands right into the roofless green car causing Drake to do the dishonest grin and calling on a good detail shop. So we scene change to a road and a tunnel in which Camile rides in going the wrong way on a one way street. Wait; you're telling me that there is a two lane one way tunnel in the middle of the city? I can understand the tunnel being a one lane tunnel (heck; I have one of those on my street about five minutes from my house in fact); but a one way street with two lanes?!
So yes; this serves the purpose of only wasting time doing the mack truck spot inside the tunnel as Camile pedals away unharmed while the Rat Catcher seems to be on it's last legs. Should have listened to Launchpad DW? Better yet; listen to me and get the writers to book a different spot if you want to be an international object. We saw that spot already in The Wuzzles. So we head into the forest like road as the Rat Catcher is still sputtering around. It's like the perverse edition of "The Little Engine That Could" for that vehicle. Thankfully; the Rat Catcher needs an emma; and it's near the cave of Camile anyway as Drake and Launchpad get off and notice Cycle Camile running up a hill to fetch a pail of Moneyhats. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And dammit; she needs every last one of them; knowing Drake Mallard. Camile changes to herself and crawls underneath the rocks as Drake tells Launchpad to find another way in while he pops the rocks away. LP bails as Drake tries to pry rocks; but no luck. Then he sees Launchpad returning and he hasss found the location. Drake teases not being fooled; and then claims that LP needs cough drops. Now this is really stupid for a few reasons: (1) Yellow eyes and hissing are Camile's traits and (2) Drake wasn't fooled when the old man hissed at Ink. Inc.; so we are supposed to suddenly buy that Drake is gullible now? Also; Camile makes zero attempt to mimic Launchpad's voice at all; to make it sound more like a man. So; yes that served only one purpose: To allow Drake to slide into the cave through the rocks and find a tied up and gagged Launchpad (he should be used to this by now; because I believe this is the second time this has happened to him in this way).
So Drake unties LP's beak as LP warns him and we see a really obvious Toon Disney cut as Launch Camile has a pistol and Drake drops his really badly designed gas gun. WHAT THE HELL? Not the Toon Disney cut; I was expecting that since Camile had a bullet shooting gun in her hand (although TD's credibility streak continues because we still clearly see the gun being pointed at Drake.); but the gas gun Drake dropped. It looks crappy beyond belief. And then on a closeup shot (and the pistol is still clearly shown); the Gas Gun looks normal. UGH! So Drake surrenders and drops all the weapons from his body which looks like the Eleroo magic pocket rule is in full force here. Oh; and he has a rubber chicken; which gets laughs at parties. He never went to a party; because if he did the rubber chicken would be choked if you catch my drift. So Camile turns back to herself and backs Drake up as the gun is still being pointed at and shown the entire time. She has no friends and she's is Camile The Chameleon. So we scene change to a spiral train track area as Drake and Launchpad are tied to the tracks Dudley Doo-Right Style. Drake blows off her Snidely Whiplash antics and calls it unoriginal. As they say in the trade: It's cheap; but it's damn effective as here comes the train and it's whistle. Drake struggles like crazy and that ends the segment nine and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we have Drake struggling still as Camile decides to lay the villain story on Drake which Drake doesn't like whatsoever. Oh screw you Drake! The villain story is more exciting than your hero stories; so swallow your pride and let her get over. See; she was an outcast and bullied because she liked to study chameleons and their ability to fit in whatever surroundings they are presented with. And Drake snores on cue just to annoy her and make me want to strangle. For goodness sakes Drake; stop trying to bury her! Drake guesses right on the transformative powers of her finding the essence of a chameleon (Read: DNA) as Camile walks away north side as she has a revenge plot to carry out and Drake has a train to kill him (to catch according to BS&P). So this allows Drake to wiggle and somehow snap the ropes from his knees. Camile's rope tying skills are pretty sloppy if you ask me. We see the track switcher (it was shown throughout the scene so it's not a logic break) as Drake uses the web foot to grab his hat and fling it to the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and switches the track. Sadly; Camile is smarter than Drake because she obviously expected Drake to do this; because Drake's deed put the train heading right straight for them. HAHA! LP and Drake somehow don't get crushed or cause a train derailment as they are wedged in the front of the train guard. BS&P RULEZ~! Anyhow; we head to a street near a railroad crossing as the barrier comes down and Camile notices that Drake and Launchpad are on the front of the guard. She claims that they escaped. Yeah; thanks to BS&P RULEZ~! Camile proclaims that next time; they won't be so lucky. Yeah; because next times are always better for the heel eh?
So we head back to Drake's house complete with that annoying flute playing in the background as Honker is reading from DARKWING...DUCK BOOK OF ASSERTIVENESS! Also known as the guidebook of vanity; used by nine out of ten new Disney shows. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So Gosalyn comes in having a baseball bat and ball and asks Honker if he wants to play ball and Honker sezs no. Gosalyn is confused; so Honker sezs it again. See; he's reading chapter one of the book and it tells how to say now. I betcha that's the reason why Gosalyn has so much trouble with her foster dad eh? Honker no sells the baseball deal and goes into the house to read chapter two which is creating a new you. He closes the door and Gosalyn blows him off because she can take knitting. Huh? What? Does that sound just a wee bit out of character there? Because she said it in a serious matter and not a sarcastic manner like it should be with her. Anyhow; we head to a castle like building with roof tops with crescent moons on them. Camile arrives as we pan over to a statue of a opera singer style dognose with earrings, a dress and a furry neck liner. She takes out a clock bomb of TNA and places it behind the statue and then we head back to see Gosalyn answering the door and out comes Honker wearing the same outfit he wore in Life, The Negaverse & Everything. And he's driving a red motorcycle and not wearing glasses. Man; these writers are sure making the "Moral Qualities Are Down" crowd look like a bunch of hypocrites. Seriously; I defy anyone to defend this and then turn around and call Phineas & Ferb for driving a race car.
We discover after riding the motorcycle on the coffee table that he takes his blue beret off and his name is now Speck. Speck? Really writers? Why not Horn Ker Rougher or something all those lines? Speck? I'm supposed to take Honker seriously as a badass with that name change? Even Gosalyn points out the logic folly; so you know that name is lame. Gosalyn thinks Honker hit his head or got a part in the school play. Speck no sells as he brings the book out Drake gave him and then walks out just as Drake and Launchpad walk in. Nice touch from LP to wave at Speck as Gosalyn gets on Drake's clothes and his case, claiming that he poisoned Honker with the new book. Isn't it ironic that Gosalyn is blaming an inanimate object for influencing him; when Gosalyn would defend a horror movie from people telling her that the violence is influencing her. Hypocrisy: The only defense against defeated arguments. Anyhow; Drake claims that the book is working as Speck comes over with a bottle of strawberry soda and uses Drake's mouth to open the bottle. HAHA! Drake claims that we have a problem here. No crap Sherlock; your book IS the problem. Speck gets onto the motorcycle and ride around claiming that he's born to be wild as LP thought of him as a good kid. Speck blows it off because he's a rebel and not good. Well; monster heels are cheered before this; but Speck/Honker doesn't have any heat as a badass; nor a monster heel. Gosalyn asks who he is rebelling against and Speck pretty much gives a gibberish answer before leaving. I had no idea what he said there.
Gosalyn wants the old Honker; but Drake is more interested in Camile than Speck as we see that the television has turned on for some reason and we have Dan Gander (oh lord; if you are going to use that as a last name; make him a mallard or something) on the scene from the manor owned by Mrs. Howell as she is putting the chameleon diamond on display. Drake ponders it other; and since the chameleon diamond is equal to Camile Chameleon; she is going there next. Drake and Launchpad head out as Gosalyn watches Dan Gander try to interview Mrs. Howell (the same dognose on the statue by the way) and Mrs. Howell hisses at him. Gosalyn thinks it's the television, and then realizes that Camile also hisses and therefore Drake and Launchpad are heading into a trap. So Gosalyn heads outside and we somehow teleport to Gosalyn's school as Honker is in front of the school in his gear looking cocky as Gosalyn arrives via skateboard. Honker no sells her on everything and rides away proclaiming that he has malls to cruise. Gosalyn calls for Speck; but no dice as we head to Mrs. Howell's manor as LP and Drake look around in front of the statue where the bomb is. Drake and Launchpad sit down as Drake proclaims that they are going to wait, watch and widdle as Drake has now taken a hobby of craving statues from wood. HA! We pan over to the bomb behind the neck of the statue as Drake proclaims that once she arrives this case is going to be blown wide open. (DUM DUM DUM!!!) That ends the segment almost 15 minutes in. Yeah; this is all right.
After the commercial break; we have a shot of the bomb in the back of the neck and then back to Drake making more sawdust than he should be making as Gosalyn runs in to grab Drake's hand and try to get out of here. Drake pulls it away and accuses Gosalyn of being Camile. WHAT THE HELL?! Memo to Drake: If Gosalyn isn't hissing; she's not Camile. If she doesn't have yellow eyes; she's not Camile. I mean you figured out the hissing sound as a trait to Camile in the first place; so how come you are fooled by this?! What a stupid mallard Drake is. Gosalyn decides to bring in the underwear and Drake shuts her beak and admits that it's her. Yeah; they made Drake stupid to do that joke. Gosalyn goes to the port hole and looks through the hole into the sewers explaining that Mrs. Howell has to be Camile in disguise as she climbs up the statue like a dog (complete with sound effects similar to Hanna Barbera) as Gosalyn finds the TNT clock bomb and Drake panics like mad. I thought for a minute that Drake yelled Oh my God; but he said Oh Look Out! Or something among those lines. Gosalyn throws the bomb away and it finally explode as bits of rock fly; but no damage was done to Gosalyn at all as she climbs down. Drake thinks Camile wants to cut short his career. Drake deduces that Camile is trying to use Ms. Howell's image to take over her newspaper empire as everyone climbs onto the Rat Catcher and we speed away to the newspaper factory as we get a newspaper making machine that dances so much; I swear I'm watching Mickey's Mouseworks again.
We pan over to see Camile Howell in the office room as she changes to the real Camile as she brings out the dollar press plates proclaiming that she'll be the richest woman in the world. So you don't want to defeat Scrooge McDuck for richest duck in the world? Is there a conspiracy afoot between Scrooge and Camile? TUNE INTO DTVA TO FIND OUT! So the GANG OF GAG enters and Drake wants Gosalyn to find the real Mrs. Howell and inform her of an imposter dressed up as her. Gosalyn gets snippy; but Drake invokes eye contact violence and Gosalyn wimps out and runs away stage left. Drake proclaims that it's time to get dangerous as he climbs the ladder noticing Camile on the catwalk and cuts another full of himself promo. Camile compares Drake to a cockroach and then tips the ladder and we discover why the printing press was even there in the first place. Should have seen that spot coming from a mile away. Yeah; this actually goes on for a while as Drake is flatten into one of the newspapers; and gets shipped to a truck and then goes to a white house where a balding dognose with a pipe in his mouth grabs the newspaper and brings it to his living room. He notices flatten drake and unfolds him. Then Drake gets popped; Drake pops his hat, thanks the citizen for reading the Examiner Daily Times and runs out of the house. Yeah; there is our second comedy spot to waste time.
So we return to the printing press as Launchpad notices DW and asks where he has been. Drake claims that he's out of circulation. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Although a year before this; he was in circulation with KABOOM; teaming up with the Ducktales characters. Drake wants to go after Camile as we head to the streets near a street crossing as the don't walk sign stops Gosalyn in her tracks at the corner. Then we see Speck riding on his motorcycle and Gosalyn manages to flag him. Speck stops to comb his hair as Gosalyn tells him that there is trouble at the Howell publishing empire and Speck actually offers Gosalyn a seat. Speck rides the motorcycle with Gosalyn as Gosalyn complains that Speck is going the wrong way. Speck gleefully counters that one for me as we return to the Examiner Daily Times newspaper factory as the chase is on between Drake, LP and Camile. Drake is on the catwalk and he slips on a banana peel (Do I have to invoke Mythbusters again Drake?) and falls over the edge and plants himself into the cement floor. HAHA! Yes; Camile turned into a slippery banana peel; which actually makes sense when you think about it a little too much. Camile calls herself too slick as Drake somehow pops himself from the cement and then gets squashed by a safe. Then the safe changes to Camile and she runs off and she heads right for the motorcycle riding Speck and Gosalyn as she gets bounced off the motorcycle and instead of flipping over the kids; she flips backwards into the trash can. And on the next shot; Drake was stuck in the floor again and LP pops him out as Drake is dizzy.
So Speck gets off the motorcycle with Gosalyn running to Drake and LP bailing stage left. Drake asks if she found Mrs. Howell and Gosalyn blows off Speck for going the wrong way. Speck calls himself bad to the bone as Camile Launchpad returns with the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and MURDERS Drake with the wussiest shot I have ever seen; but the power of suggestion still manages to squash him. And Camile Launchpad makes no effort to mask her voice either. Drake still sells it as Launchpad being out of character because LP returns and Drake is blowing him off. Okay writers; if you were going to make him really stupid; then why did you make him no sell the FIRST MOMENT WITH THE OLD MAN BACK AT INK INC?! Drake wants to invoke his lame karate moves on Launchpad; but LP claims it's him. Then he goes after Gosalyn and Speck's case and both blow him off; most so Gosalyn. So Drake is paranoid (which would have made sense if he brought the old man Camile the first time) as he goes behind a stack of newspaper and we come out and there are two Darkwing Ducks. Oh lord; now Launchpad is confused. Memo to goofs: If it hisses and has yellow eyes; then it's not Darkwing Duck. Easy. Don't stoop to the writers level of stupidity now...And naturally; LP falls for it because LP MURDERS Drake with the Sledgehammer of Plot. Damn you writers; this is no longer funny! THAT WAS WEAK! THAT WAS WEAK! THAT WAS WEAK! Camile Drake bails as LP is blown off by Drake as Gosalyn wants Speck to do something; but somehow Camile Drake teleported and became Camile Speck for no reason as Speck comes in from behind to try his luck; but sadly, Speck is NO Negaverse Honker as Camile turns into Big Ass Bully and grabs Speck and throws him into the dumpster.
So Camile Bully goes over and grabs LP and Drake by the throats as Gosalyn gets Speck out of the dumpster and wants him to do something. Speck then changes into Honker for some reason and he walks over to the thermostat and turns it on. Honker explains that Camile is cold blooded; therefore; heat is her weakness because she cannot control her morphing skills with the heat. We see her sweat like crazy; drop LP and Drake; and then bounce around into about 25 different transformations before turning into Camile and then she screams in pain as she turns back into a lizard. Apparently; the side effect of excessive heat is demutantion. Okay; this is a neat finish and all; but it really makes KABOOM look incredibly dumb when you think about it because I would like to know how Camile came back in the comics. This is something that bugged me about KABOOM: They claim that they have respect for the fans and canon; but don't seem to watch the actual shows they are putting in the comics and thus we are left to explain how certain characters who didn't belong in certain shows (although to be fair; Ducktales and Darkwing Duck are in the same universe and Camile is part of Darkwing Duck; so there you go.) and it can look awfully contrived. This was pretty much a decisive end to Camile Chameleon. Drake grabs the lizard as he addresses Honker (as Speck) and proclaims that he owes him an apology. Honker should be himself as Honker seems fine with that; but Gosalyn keeps nipping at the fact that Drake wears a hat and cape. Drake claims that this is for professional reasons and that he's not maladjusted. Personally; he's better off than Kit Cloudkicker, but whatever. The babyfaces leave with the lizard and that ends the episode at 20:58 aired. This episode was perfectly acceptable cartooning; but it would have been better if Drake brought the first time Camile morphed into the old man. The finish was good, the storyline was otherwise solid and Speck looked cool even if he was still a wimp. However; KABOOM has some explaining to do. *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we have another middling episode which is a slight disappointment considering the debut of Camile Chameleon. I thought she was a good heel with a good ability; but the writers screwed up the first meeting as they made it with Drake figuring out who Camile's traits are from the start because in the other encounters; Drake kept being really stupid even though it was clear that the LP he saw was Camile. He was hissing and didn't bother to mask the voice; nor the yellow eyes. Drake should have no sold those too; but Drake is a cartoon duck; so the writers didn't care about continuity or logic. The whole Honker/Speck thing where Honker learns how to stop acting like a wimp was cute; but it's no where as awesome as Negaverse Honker. I also found some of the bumps to be weak and this episode seem to demonstrate just how similar the old Disney is to the new Disney. I did love the finish because it made perfect sense; but since she is back to a lizard, it was really decisive and there was no indication that she was coming back. This by itself is perfectly acceptable; but in canon speak; it's a big problem years later in the comics when Camile is a main villain for the KABOOM Ducktales comic. Not a strike against the television series; but something to consider anyway. Overall; this was your average Darkwing Duck love in with a good villain, a cute subplot with Speck that should have gotten more development than it got (CDS Strikes Again!) and a good finish with some bad logic. So I have two episodes left to do in the Natal Day Marathon: Battle Of The Brainteasers and the debut of Flarg and then it's Bad Tidings with SHUSH VS. FOWL again and this one might be the worst one of the lot. We'll see. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time!
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