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A Brush With Oblivion
Isn't That Quack Pack's gimmick?!
So we reached the final episode of all the 1991 episodes of DARKWING...DUCK. I know it's hard to believe that we made it through two months (24 episodes worth) of material on this show. This one is one the best DW episodes due to one of the most surreal villains I have ever seen up to that point: Splatter Phoenix. And it's the return of Honker as a focus character as well. How does this episode fare today?! So; let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Mirith Schilder and story edited by Carter Crocker. Mirith's only credits: Goof Troop, TaleSpin, Darkwing Duck, and Winnie The Pooh (animated series and the Playtime: Detective Tigger video). The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation OZ.
We begin this one in an art museum with various denizens looking at some modern art. Sadly; none of it is animated as we cut to floor level with Drake, Launchpad and Gosalyn looking at art. I should point out that only Gosalyn's eyes are blinking so this might as well be a still photo that pans. Gosalyn finally breaks the ice as the art she is seeing is the classic definition of modern art. I'm sorry if I cannot figure out what public domain piece of art Gosalyn is making funny faces at; but Drake just has to do the eye contact violence because her face would stick that way. I see Drake comes from the Happeh school of medicine. If you don't know who Happeh is; consider yourself lucky. Gosalyn thinks this is cool as Tank comes in and claims that it's an improvement. Gosalyn knuckles us and threatens violence on Tank's face on that insult. So we cut to a corner of the museum as Binkie and Herb are giddy near a sign and has a kid painter painting a picture on an easel and pointing to the left. We discover that the Saint Carnard Art Museum is showing student paintings as we see a cow in a grass as done by an eight year old. Then it's a sunflower field with a house in the background; which is a ten year old painter. Binkie asks if this is Honker's painting; and Honker states that it isn't as we see Honkers which is a dognose in a green shirt with blue pants and black shoes holding a cereal box. However; the cereal box is like one of those scenes where you hold a mirror to the camera and it create image after multiple image whenever someone stands in front of it. Honker calls it "Crusty Flakes To The 14th Power". Which would have worked if there were 14 images of the same character holding the box into the mirror. I only see four of them; and on the far shot which Herb is praising Honker; there is no mirror image; just a badly drawn cereal box image of the same guy with a heart on top of it. If you want an example of why people prefer CGI to hand drawn cell animation; this is the particular spot you should be looking for.
Anyhow; Drake suggests that Honker is NOT having a happy home life. Geez; I wonder why he isn't Drake Mallard? Considering that one of the members is Tank Muddlefoot. Gosalyn than drags Drake over to her art which shows dinosaurs trying to destroy each other and damn; this painting is even more awesome than Honker's. Launchpad asks about the home life of Gosalyn and Drake claims that it's just a painting like the hypocrite that he is. So we cut to a number of denizens (one looks like a golden rooster) standing there looking at a fat pig furry wearing a blue suit and red bow tie address the crowd. I should point out that Drake and Honker are the only ones in the museum not wearing shoes. The Museum Curator is voiced by the late Michael Greer (passed away in 2002) and according to the USIMDB: Michael Greer was an actor and comedian. His most famous role was as Queenie, the prison drag queen in Sal Mineo's stage and the Harvey Hart film versions of "Fortune and Men's Eyes" (Fortune and Men's Eyes (1971)), which dealt with sex in prison. Mr. Greer appeared as Don Johnson's friend in the 1960s cult film The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart (1970). That movie was also Don Johnson's big screen debut. Other credits include the B-Movie sex comedy Summer School Teachers (1974) and The Gay Deceivers (1969) about two guys avoiding combat in Vietnam by pretending to be gay. He also had bit parts in the Steve Martin comedy The Lonely Guy (1984) and the Bette Midler vehicle The Rose (1979). Michael was also famous for his live performances as a comedian. Of particular note was a monologue, as the Mona Lisa, holding a giant gilded frame around himself. He wrote supplemental material for Debbie Reynolds Vegas act, and was once called in to dub Bette Davis' voice when she refused to loop over scenes.
Greer was somewhat a victim of early "gaysploitation" films. A talented actor, it never occurred to him that once he had turned in solid performances as designated that he would not be allowed to work as much else, partially because no one had done it before. He is not acknowledged much in gay cinema because of a climate of political correctness. He is probably more accurately remembered by friends, colleagues, and punters that saw his live work, than by Hollywood. He debuted on Diamond Studd in 1969 as Jim's Betting Friend. Darkwing Duck is his only DTVA appearance. He has 16 credits to his resume and his final credit is Layover as a casting director. So the curator talks about judging the winner for the "School Day At The Museum"; but Honker turns around and seems distracted. So Honker runs off and looks at the infamous American Gothic painting (only with ducks) as Honker notices a goth like duck dressed in black with a lavender purse running in the background into the red farm. Honker is stunned as he checks his glasses and then we get a closeup of the female goth duck as she has lime green earrings and at one point WD-OZ gives her three eyes. She then hides behind a blue tractor as Honker rubs his eyes and checks his glasses in shock again. Then we notice the goth female duck hiding behind the old male duck with the pitchfork and that's enough for Honker to run back to his parents. Boy when he runs; he looks completely naked on the back shot. Honker tries to get Binkie's attention; but Binkie is too dense to listen calling the curator a nice man. The curator yells at everyone to be quiet so he can focus his golden eye piece on the artwork. Honker walks back to the painting blowing off everyone for not listening to him and suddenly the goth female duck is out of the painting and she blows off Honker and then brings out her magical paint brush and starts working her magic literally.
She uses the brush to cut open the glass case leading to the Sphinx Statue and she grabs it and then runs to another painting and splashes pink paint all over it and enters the painting which causes the paint to disappear in a really awesome way with Honker helplessly watching on. That's pretty good effects there WD-OZ. The curator notices the statue is gone and accuses Honker of being the thief. Yeah; he someone had a glass cutter and it's in his backpack. Memo to curator: Check his backpack; if he doesn't have it, you have no basis to accuses him of stealing. Honker of course doesn't help his own cause by claiming that he didn't do it. See; adults in DTVA believe that children know about reverse psychology and use it to get away with bad behavior; even though adults have no idea how children respond. Even worse he rocks a painting and the curator over dramatically sells it as him stealing a painting. So Drake comes in and does the most reasonable thing ever: He grabs Honker by the ankles and shakes him down to prove that Honker had no statue and nothing to cut the glass with. Wow; just wow. What a way to make everyone look stupid as Gosalyn loves this because Honker is an eye witness to the crime of the century. Everyone surrounds Honker and asks what he saw and Honker just stammers like an idiot. Geez Honk; maybe that's why no one listens to you since you need a lot of help in fixing that stammering. So Drake comes in and states that Honker is a shy man and then he yells right into Honker's face. Ummm; yeah that spot would be overused by Peg in Goof Troop, what a surprise? So Honker spits it out in such rapid fire that the new Disney continue to raspberry old Disney for being such hypocrites. Drake is as shocked as I am as Tank does the Gruffi pose and sarcasm.
Gosalyn drags Drake over and whisper yells at him that Darkwing Duck might be interested; but Drake blows it off because the excitement has overloaded Honker's brain and claims that he is lying. Funny since you were the one who proved that the curator was wrong about Honker stealing as Gosalyn blows him off because Honker cannot lie since the lessons never took. Binkie takes this as Gosalyn having a negative influence on him. Well; consider the number of times Gosalyn has bullied Honker; it's hard not to see why. Gosalyn takes offense to this and I say: Should have kept that one a secret there Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard. So Herb pushes Honker away and decides that less Gosalyn would be better as we pan over to the painting and notice the goth female duck with the statue looking on as no one suspects a thing. So we head to Honker's room as Herb and Binkie have Honker on the bed and we have the TALK OF DEATH. Herb doing the talk is so hilarious as he is going to ground him something fierce until he stops lying. And when he means ground; he means no food and no water either. Even Binkie thinks this is beyond the pale stupid so Herb decides to feed him before both parents walk out. Wow; the Muddlefoots sure don't like lying in this house; which is funny considering how much Tank Muddlefoot gets away with in bullying. This is roughly equal to the plot line "Abandon Friendship" from Kick Buttowski years later. So Gosalyn swings in from a pulley system which comes out of nowhere and lands on Honker's bed. Gosalyn claims that Drake claims that she lies all the time and it's all true. Gosalyn proclaims that in order to prove himself to be honest; they are going to solve the case themselves. Honker blows it off because he is grounded see. Yeah Gos; doesn't leaving just prove that Honker is a no good liar; since he lied about accepting the terms for being grounded? Catch-22 and all that stuff. Gosalyn grabs Honker and we hook away onto the pulley system and out.
So we head to the Saint Carnard Art Museum AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Gosalyn and Honker are inside practicing the fine art of not being seen. Honker then notices that the goth female duck...Okay; I've had it with calling her that; she is Splatter Phoenix and this is getting stupid. So Splatter Phoenix (the first one) is voiced by Dani Staahl who has only two credits: this show and Clueless as a Waitress. I should point out that in the next episode involving Splatter Phoenix; she is voiced by a different voice actress Andrea Martin. Splatter is rowing with George Washington and the boys crossing the Delaware River painting and she flies out and Gosalyn is shocked because Honker was telling the truth. Splatter takes out her paintbrush and she uses it to create a pink version of the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE. Gosalyn and Honker panic and bail in that order and we have the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE PINK LASSO EDITION! Wow; it has been a long time since I used that stupid pun. The lasso catches Gosalyn as Splatter is not happy since she is a dualist and wanted Honker instead. Gosalyn goes into her over acting of the situation claiming that Honker will be back with the police to throw her in jail. Splatter doesn't care as she paints pink all over the same painting Gosalyn made funny faces of and throws Gosalyn into the painting and paints her over to make Gosalyn look completely funny. HAHA! Great continuity there and a great payoff too. Gosalyn struggles as we see Honker running around and the museum curator is standing in front of a green painting with trim adjusting it. Honker tries to get the fat guy's attention' and the curator turns around and he continues to blow him off. You get the feeling that this art guy is jealous of Honker or something?
Anyhow; Honker tries to explain that the thief came back, but he grabs Honker and tells him to save it for the judge. Honker drops down allowing the curator to have the backpack. Honker bails back to the room where Gosalyn is being held at and Gosalyn struggles; no dice is forthcoming. So Honker bails to get Drake as we head outside in an alleyway as Splatter Phoenix is talking to a dognose wearing a green beret and red sweater. The dognose offers the statue for $75 and Splatter wants a lot more. The dognose no sells as Splatter is angry and asks if she needs to steal the Mona Lisa to get fast cash and the dognose agrees with her. Splatter ponders it over and we head to Drake's house as Drake is in the living room reading the newspaper. Honker runs in and tries to explain that Gosalyn got painted into a painting and even Honker cannot believe that. Drake claims that Honker has developed a fear of the truth. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Drake Mallard?! Drake claims that Gosalyn is in her room and Drake calls for Gosalyn; but no dice is present. Drake claims that if he finds out what really happened; he'll be annoyed. Somehow; it is going to be a lot worse than merely being annoyed Drake as we fade to black because Michael Eisner needs a turn on...
...and we return inside the museum as we look around and Launchpad decides to go left and notices the painting and is shocked because when the light hits (doing the Kevin Nash frame it elbow spot) it looks like Gosalyn. Gosalyn blows LP off and in comes Drake as he suddenly realizes that Honker WAS telling at least half of the truth and blows off Gosalyn while stammering in the process. Gosalyn gleefully counters that for me as Honker turns around and notices Splatter Phoenix bailing stage right. Honker grabs Drake's arm to inform him that as we see Splatter Phoenix running to a doorway and then the cloud of smoke and he appears; the master of surprise with full of himself, really stupid promos at 9:03...
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the tube of cadmium yellow that's impossible to open.
Well now that Drake knows Honker is fully telling the truth; we can now have some real fun instead of some regular fun and giggles. So Splatter finds the conveniently placed red vase and stuffs it over Drake's head. HAHA! Sadly; this doesn't shut him up. Nothing shuts up Drake Mallard. AND THE ROCKS MEANS NOTHING! Launchpad pops Drake from the vase as Splatter cuts a really elitist promo on proclaiming that little boy can never understand artwork; which Launchpad has no idea what she is saying. To him; she might as well be Donald Duck; which I wouldn't blame Splatter if she felt insulted. Drake blows her off because he cannot be fooled...and Splatter because cuts another awesome promo about being above the rules of the social fabric; and Drake shrugs his shoulders because stealing is stealing. So Splatter runs off and creates the weirdest door ever and opens it. She enters and Drake splats into the wall as if there is no door. Launchpad claims that the door is not real which is as much as claiming that Oscar Proud thinks the flames in the amusement park are not real either. Drake gleefully counters that one for me and we scene change to more running stage left as Splatter stops in a room and pants heavily. She then gets all pissy about drawing mundane art (Hey; there are a lot of fuddy duddys who enjoy such art madam) and paints a big ass banana peel which at least makes sense when Launchpad and Drake slip on it because the magic of brush gives it slippage powers. LP and Drake fly right into the Gosalyn painting and all three of them have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't in the principal's office.
Gosalyn claims that her face hurts (Geez; I wonder why?) as Drake then grabs the painting so she can go home; but in comes the curator accusing Drake of stealing. At least this one makes sense this time as Drake is trying to explain that he is trying to get Gosalyn out of the painting and the curator calls him as crazy as Honker is. Well; that is certainly insulting since Honker is...Oh wait; forgot about the gun incident; never mind as he runs off to find a guard. Drake proclaims that the only way to stop this insanity and avoid a stiff prison sentence since we have seen the sentences for Grand Theft Artwork in Ducktales. And no; it's not a rejected Rhinokey joke here. Scene change and we see Splatter right in front of the Mona Lisa (who is a dog nose) as she cuts another awesome promo before trying to grab the painting. Sadly; before she can take it off the wall; Drake and Launchpad walk in and Drake calls her a misguided Duckelango. I almost spit out my diet Pepsi hearing that one. So Splatter runs to the second painting (using the brush and pink disappearing paint to gain entry) which is surrealistic artwork (which Drake states as he puts his hand on it). Sadly; it doesn't match any of the guys from Lady Of The Cake's website on Darkwing Duck so I have no idea which public domain painting is being referenced too. Gosalyn is in the Guernica painting in case anyone wants to know. Drake and LP head inside as the animator decide to really have some fun with the painting environment to make the character look almost like the stuff in the painting. A really cool sense of continuity here. This is one of the biggest reasons why I love this episode: It's using the props and styling according to the environment they are in. It makes sense and doesn't appear random like a lot of anime can be at times. So Drake tells her to surrender and Splatter paints the wall of the environment and brings out two Golems who look like prototypes for the Golem in Suidoken...
Kit: Wow Greg; you are really going for the obscure video game references today.
Well; I do have to keep everyone on their toes when it comes to entertainment value. So there you go. The Golems back up Drake and Launchpad as we see Splatter standing on top of a surrealistic mountain as she tells them that those fiends will convince them to keep their beaks out of her business which ends the segment almost 12 minutes in. Just wonderful so far; but we are just warming up at this point...
After the commercial break; we continue with the golems as Drake jumps up and he gets punched. Oh; how I laughed at that and the fly by Drake does as a result. Launchpad ducks and the golems snarl and wheeze in the most hilarious fashion possible. I just that is just a nice touch to the surrealistic theme the writers are shooting for. Drake orders Splatter to call off the troops as Splatter goes on and on about her critic hating her artwork because it was too original. I'm now starting to understand why Mr. Hardcore is the way he is: They thought Splatter Phoenix was so cool that they should mimic her in as many ways as possible. Don't get me wrong; Splatter Phoenix is cool; but she's a cool heel; not a cool babyface to look up to. I'm just saying. Drake kicks Golem #1 in the face with one of the best kicks he has ever done. Then we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE GOLEM EDITION to waste enough time for Splatter to proclaim that she mix certain compounds to create magic paint that controls the artwork she does. However; her finances are shot and hinder her talents. This is one sad rib on Disney's crappy movies coming up soon and you know this is going to piss off Disney Feature because DTVA is nothing more than the celebration of Hanna Barbera-ism. Seriously; there was a comment in an animation website that proclaimed that DTVA is awful because it makes Disney stoop to the level of Hanna Barbera. Yes; HB turned to crap much later on; but not because of their limited animation; which was much more effective than most television was in the 1970's and even some movies at the time. The reason HB was crappy was due to the content they kept shoveling to the masses which was repeated in almost every single show. Kind of like the new Disney live action series were. Then again; movies make money in theaters; television needs ads to live (never mind the brilliance of Pay Per View which WWE used to death.) and the Internet can offer both. So enough; let's move on...
So she is going to hold the Mona Lisa hostage and she will get enough funds to continue her career as she bails stage left and the Golems continues to screech and growl in a hilarious manner. So Drake invokes the grappling hook gun and the rope is sadly normal as he ties up the Golems and one of them heart punches itself trying to punch Drake again. You just knew Drake was going to bury these two. Although; they had less luck in Suidoken; so this burial won't be so bad after all. So Drake does the splits on both Golems' heads and then drops down allowing them to crack head and they all crumble and bury Drake in a rock tomb. HAHA! Even funnier; Drake's selling of it was hilarious; due to the surreal effect of the painting. So Launchpad pops Drake from the tomb (which looks like a really funny Tetris setup which Drake is the glue) and they fly through about six painting and into a painting of fruits. Launchpad blows off the exposure of art and Gosalyn proceeds to blow off Pablo Picasso and claims that he should be lucky that he's dead because she would hurt him. Oh; that's a BS&P threat if I ever heard one. Although making him suffer can be worse than death if she really tortures him. So Drake and Launchpad go into Pablo's painting and pops Gosalyn from the picture frame and then blows her off for getting stuck in another painting. Thankfully; Honker yells that he found Splatter Phoenix. Huh? How did Honker suddenly know...Never explained as Honker does the same promo as Splatter Phoenix. Why do I get the feeling that this is going to get Honker in more trouble? Anyhow; Drake orders Gosalyn to stay in the painting as LP and Drake exit stage left. Oh come on Drake! At least let Gosalyn go to the fruit salad painting so she looks normal. Gosalyn blows Drake off and follows him. I cannot blame her for that; I mean who wants to see Gosalyn in the abstract anyway. It's like a Gosalyn beat down just waiting to happen.
So we see Splatter Phoenix coming out of the dinosaur painting that Gosalyn painted. Oooooo; now that is fighting umm..ummm...paintings! Yeah; I'm screwed; so shoot me. Splatter invokes the pink paint of death and it brings the two fighting dinosaurs back to life as Drake and Launchpad run to the camera looking in the exact same style Gosalyn painted. Now this is great continuity and we have our payoff as Drake thinks he has her. Riiiigggghhhhtttt Drake; Launchpad just tapped you on the shoulder to inform you that you are in Gosalyn's painting and those dinosaurs hate you for insulting them at the beginning of the episode. Then the green dinosaur shows his shadow as the goofs with attitude turn around and the green dinosaur growls and hisses at Drake. Drake proclaims that he is going to have a talk with Gosalyn; never mind that it was Splatter Phoenix who started this in the first place. Maybe he meant Splatter and not Gosalyn. At least I hope that it is; no matter how false it sounds. So we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE GREEN DINO EDITION to waste some time as Gosalyn is around lava flowing and she's forced to jump onto a tree branch (I see there is selective gravity in this painting) as Drake continues to blow off Splatter who is watching and cutting awesome elite promos again. Again; she is a cool heel; but she's not someone you want to look up to. Mr. Hardcore seemed to have misplaced that at some point during their unimportant little lives.
So Splatter paints into The Persistence of Memory painting as Honker runs around and proclaims that he'll handle this himself. Yeah; he's growing a set again and I like it, but before he can climb into the painting; the Museum Curator grabs him and Honker is going to jail according to him. So he couldn't find a guard and yet he got Honker anyway. Can you say entrapment? I knew you could as we fade to black again and when we return we see Honker in a jail cell. Yeah; and this only serves to make me realize how much of a heat sink the Quack Pack nephews are. Anyhow; we see Herb, Binkie and Tank watching from the bars as Herb proclaims that Honker is grounded for life by Herb once bail is reached. Only in a Disney cartoon could the parent not defend the child and it's Herb of all people doing the blowing off. Even Binkie thinks this is too much; so he's only grounded for the rest of his childhood which is ten years. I believe he was eight years old in Going Nowhere Fast as Tank is actually amazed that Honker managed to do something even he couldn't. Remember that for the next scene as we segue to Honker's bedroom and Honker just sits on the bed. Then he notices Tank and tells him what happened to Drake and Gosalyn. Tank goes over and stuffs a pillow under the bed and then takes Honker and brings him to the window. Honker is in shock of this as Tank states that this is what big brothers do and Honker climbs down and Tank waves goodbye to him. Wow; we are in Sgt. Dunder-equse Flight School region now. And unlike Dunder; I didn't see this one coming at all because to an extent; I always thought Dunder was a misguided babyface in a dictator's country. So I expected him to show heart; I didn't with Tank and now in my eyes; they finally got Tank over. Incredible! Tank closes the window and then....OH CRAP! He turned heel again and called for mom and dad to tell him that Honker ran away. DAMN YOU MIRITH! You stuck that set of pathos up our collective asses and then decide to turn the whole scene into a joke. Goodbye full monty episode right there! I hope you are proud of yourself and giving ideas to Buff Bagwell and other new Disney cartoon writers too.
So we return to the art museum and pan over to Gosalyn's painting as the green dinosaur has grabbed Launchpad and Drake with both arms. It growls as Drake struggles and grabs his gas gun and makes the dinosaur suck gas. Would it be any surprise if we found out that the dinosaurs died off 65 million years ago due to anthros using smoke bombs in guns? Yeah; I realize that this is utterly stupid with no basis of reality or evidence, but seriously would we be surprised if reality WAS anthros using smoke bombs? I mean we all blame humans for climate change (which is reality; but still...); why not go all the way like we did with smoking? Oh my god; I hope I didn't make a perfect analogy for the far right wing because I just shudder to think what could happen next. So the green dinosaur sneezes just as he lets go of the babyfaces. LP and Drake fly as they manage to grab Gosalyn who was free falling from a tree branch that snapped like a twig and the GANG OF GAG splats behind some bushes. Splatter praises them for their futile attempts as we get a really good stereostopic 3D effect in the painting. WD-OZ must have had a lot of fun animating this episode; which is good because it assures them that they will be doing future comedy shows like Goof Troop, Bonkers and Quack Pack. On second thought; maybe this wasn't such a good thing after all. So Splatter produces the dreaded can of ART CENSORSHIP OF DEATH because Gosalyn's painting has no artistic merit. Now all we need is Splatter Phoenix setting all the childrens' paintings on fire and throwing someone into said fire and we have the template for Mr. Malstrom's Washing The Hardcore Away right there. Honker tries to tackle her down; but she pours on the rebound and the top of the painting gets erased from the top and drips down towards the babyfaces to end the segment 17 minutes in. One terrible spot aside; this is a classic!
After the commercial break; we see the babyfaces on the ground trying to avoid being censored by the censor paint of death as Honker panics and Splatter Phoenix bails because she's going into her felony phase. Okay; what does she mean by felony phase? Is she implying that she was a felon before she became an artist or something? Honker decides to go after Splatter because apparently the GANG OF GAG look stupid and Honker has to play hero here. Which I have no problems with thank you very much. Honker asks nicely to bring them back and Splatter Phoenix no sells that as the painting is in ruins now and here comes the Museum Curator to blow off Honker again. Apparently; logical fallacies and false accusations are foreign to this museum curator; along with being humble and lack of evidence. Thankfully; Splatter Phoenix decides to admit that Honker is telling the truth and takes the brush and steals Mona Lisa's smile. Ooooooooooooooo... That is so much like...ummmm... editing Plunder and Lightning. Whew! Now that's an analogy I can dig. Or not. Splatter takes the lips and threatens to do harm to it if she doesn't get the ransom money within 24 hours before she paints the The Persistence of Memory painting and hides in it. Did I mention that the Mona Lisa has a much harder time shutting up than Drake Mallard does? Ponder that one for a minute and despair. So Honker follows her into the painting (I'm guessing her paint has stopped instant dry which makes the first door she did on Drake a logic break; but whatever) as the style turns them into surreal one eyed freaks. Mona's lips cannot stop talking. Geez; you would think that Mona Lisa was Drake's wife or something. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummmmmm... So Splatter puts the lips in her purse and notices Honker grabbing a paintbrush from a pot of paintbrushes.
Splatter continues to blow off Honker allowing the lips to blow Splatter off and bite Splatter Phoenix right on the ass on screen. Geez BS&P explain why Kit wasn't allowed to be shown biting Don off-screen? Splatter over sells it so much that she falls to pieces and Honker paints a black hole on the checkerboard and Splatter falls into it. HA! That should give meaning to the word checkmate; but that isn't the finish since we have three and a half minutes left. The lips blow off Honker and up comes Splatter as Honker bails stage left and here comes the GANG OF GAG looking like vanilla pencil drawings in surreal mode. Honker sees them and admits that they don't look so good. HAHA! I disagree with that notion Honk. So Honk tries to paint them and they get half pink. HAHA! Drake grabs the brush and they paint themselves back to their normal colors. Because their normal selves won't happen until they get out of the painting of course. Splatter blows off Drake with her usual Mr. Hardcore attitude and the chase is on again. Nice touch with the arm and hand pointing the direction where Splatter is going. It's little things like this that get DTVA shows over; ask TaleSpin about it. They chase her into the Composition in Blue, Yellow and Black by Piet Mondrian which is basically your average NES style of painting before NES was born nor cool. Honker gleefully states the obvious to us as Splatter paints a black line while Mona Lips' Almighty continues to act like Lips Almighty. Geez; now she know how I feel at reBOOT.
So Splatter paints a black cage and Lips goes to jail. Like that's going to shut it up Splatter; we all know how impossible it is to shut Drake Mallard up; what chance do you have against Mona Lisa's smile? So she stuffs Lips Almighty in her purse and bails stage left. We then proceed to get some really funny physical comedy spots with the green lines screwing Launchpad and Drake alike; while unintentionally screwing the kids in a sense that looks so video game-ish. And remember Piet's painting was done in 1936; which would be around TaleSpin's time period and this was almost 50 years before Nintendo got over as a video game company. I wondered why Roger Ebert didn't think of video games as art and this painting sort of proves his point. So we do some more physical comedy with Launchpad on the green escalator and that ends up stuffing the babyfaces into a rectangle like hole. HAHA! This is so great as the gang all go up and we get the Scooby Doo running start stage left as the babyfaces exit the painting and go into the splatter paint painting which I assume is Splatter Phoenix's real hideout. And sadly; because it's merely splashes of paint and that wouldn't work with the characters they are using; they have to break the continuity the writers were shooting for by making the characters look like their normal designs (sort of; they still look slightly wavy). How sad.
So Splatter create a wrecking ball and uses it as a symbol of crushing the critics of their hatred of obscure and the quirky. Drake gets smacked and MURDERED into the wall by said wrecking ball as Honker grabs the brush and at this point; it's obvious Honker is going to save the day...AGAIN! Draked proclaims that he has had enough of these creative types. Screw you Drake Mallard; for killing Disney's creativity right there with your words which inspired Michael Eisner. Splatter then paints a bomb and lights it with the paint brush. Well; there's one way to avoid the match edit as she backs up the babyfaces. So Splatter paints fire on her brush to threaten to light the bomb as Honker paints a bow and an flame arrow and then uses it to shoot the arrow right on the fuse which lights the bomb and the bomb explodes so violently that it creates a King Kong size mess outside the painting as everyone is blown out of the painting and down on the ground. Gosalyn goes over to Honker and peels Lips Almighty from the forehead of Honker as Lips blows off Splatter who is handcuffed by Drake and lead away. In comes the Muddlefoots as Binkie wipes the paint off Honker's face as Herb comes over and prepares to give Honker the third degree; but Tank interrupts for no reason and accuses Honker as a liar (which basically indicates that Honker is not one) and Lips Almighty bites Tank on the beak and blows him off before talking to the censored Mona Lisa. Lips Almighty returns into the Mona Lisa and Mona Lisa winks to end the episode and the second season of Darkwing Duck episodes at 21:11. What an episode this was? This would have been the best Darkwing Duck episode ever; even surpassing Time & Punishment and Battle Of The Brainteasers, but Mirith really screwed us on the Tank pathos scene. I get the fact that Tank needed to do this; but did he have to act like a heel? Why not have the Muddlefoots come in and than Tank is forced to confess that Honker ran away? Same thing; but it doesn't make Tank look like a liar. Other than that; perfect. **** 3/4 (95%).
THE REVIEW LINE
We finally end the 1991 episodes of Darkwing Duck with a really awesome episode that was actually one of the most thought out episodes I have seen in the series. In fact; it's as thought out as a really awesome TaleSpin episode. The animation was perfect; there was only one minor logic break in the entire episode, Honker was at his best, Tank probably would have had his greatest moment if the writers didn't flush it away by turning him heel right away like Buff Bagwell on speed, and Splatter Phoenix was a riot from start to finish. Every time they changed art styles; it meant something since they went into certain paintings and the whole going into painting thing was a thing of beauty. Splatter Phoenix is the perfect template for Mr. Hardcore minus the bonfire and throwing someone into the bonfire. The museum curator was an asshole; but that worked fine too and the episode clicked perfectly throughout (minus the Tank scene of course). I'm surprised Mirith Schilder didn't get a full time writing job after this because this episode was near perfect. I would love the story behind this.
So we end season two of Darkwing Duck and this season we had four thumbs up, seven thumbs in the middle and two thumbs down; for a total of 37 thumbs up, 27 thumbs in the middle and 14 thumbs down after 78 episodes. That's a really good ratio and despite four negative star episodes; they still have fewer thumbs down episodes than Rescue Rangers. So far. So next up is the final 13 episodes of season three which is the 1992 episode era. There is more Morgana episodes than you can shake a stick at, Splatter Phoenix and Flarg are returning to screw art and Honker, Taraus Bullba makes the impossible return in Steeminator, plus Megavolt and Drake were in the same school together, lots of continuity errors abound, Liquidator even gets a duo episode and Gosalyn sells Drake's soul to the devil. That last one went the Flying Dupes route in case anyone wants to know. So I'll be returning next weekend with Monsters R'US, Inherit The Wimp, and The Return Of The Return Of The Brainteasers, Too. Don't know what order I will do them; but they are next on my reviewing papers. So....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time!
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