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The Merchant of Menace
Doesn't That Sound Like A Company Who Uses DRM?!
Don't ask; it's a copy protection thing most people don't like. And yes; I'm doing another week of doing the DW episodes out of order. Why? Because I like Herb Muddlefoot and love Grizzlikoff wanting to kill someone which I can get both here. I do remember this one as a kid; and back then I sort of liked it too. So how does this episode do? So; let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Peter Hastings and story edited by Tom Minton. Peter wrote episodes for On The Television in 1989 and was an actor for said series. He then proceeded to do episodes for Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Pinky & The Brain, Catscratch, Tak & The Power of Juju, Mucha Lucha!, and was a dancer in Riders in the Sky. Darkwing Duck was his DTVA debut and he did One Saturday Morning. Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness is his most recent credits. He has four acting credits, four directing credits, eight producer credits, seven other credits, and 12 writing credits. The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation OZ.
We begin this one outside of Drake's house as Drake is actually talking to Launchpad about the perfect cover while plopping two black bags of trash onto the sidewalk. LP questions this as Drake claims that no one can bother them as we hear a slam on the door and out comes Herb Muddlefoot in a blue suit, pink bow tie, dress pants, brown shoes and a press hat. He is also carrying a suitcase as LP and Drake hide behind the bushes. Why? Because Drake thinks Herb is in his Quackerware selling mode. That's right folks; Herb has a part time job and I cannot say that it's a bad one either. Herb finds him anyway because Drake was talking aloud about not standing Herb. See Herb is a door to door salesman selling Tupperware which is known as Quackerware. I never got the point of Tupperware or the obsession of having Tupperware parties because it strikes me as being the same addiction as someone who plays video games only with female stereotypes rather than male stereotypes. Yet; it's video games that get screwed over. Yeah; I'm over thinking this and I should be enjoying Herb's jingles. Anyhow; Herb shows off a white bowl with a red cover and calls it the best seller in Quackerware which is the Q-7301. Ummm; only in Quackerware would Tupperware be based on computer chip sets. Thankfully; Herb is more human than the company and calls it buddy. That is cute to watch as Drake of course blows it off; and the Flash Quack comes in to make Drake panic. Drake bails (A smart move is to let Launchpad run interference and let Drake answer the FQ.) and then jumps on Herb's back; grabs the Q-7301 and nabs the FQ with it. Ummmm; that is sort of dumb on Drake's part as Drake compares Herb's head to his best seller. Herb of course is way too dense to realize that he was insulted by Drake and sells it even offering the pitcher, tray and cups. Drake decides to accept them without fail and gives Herb a wad of money and then runs back into the house with Launchpad. Herb waves goodbye...
...we get some off-screen bumping and then we scene change to SHUSH's office with Gander walking around and out comes the smoke and dreaded voiceover of doom at 2:16:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night...
Oh wait; Gander ignores him and walks into his office. HAHA! About time someone did a silent blow off of Drake's full of himself promos. Gander goes through his files and apparently; judging by his eyes, his glasses aren't working like they should anymore. Drake lies on the desk like the vain mallard that he is as Gander calls this a perplexing case. Someone telling Nintendo to change the name of Wii U to WTF? That was awfully perplexing to me. See there is a villain that has slipped through SHUSH's fingers as Drake grabs a paper and looks at it. Gander called Drake as Drake keeps interrupting him on everything including Grizzlikoff; and of course the Russian Bear Stereotypes finally appears out of nowhere and Drake slams his body into him. You were saying Deadwing Dick? And yes; Grizz has the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS (and a good one too) as Drake continues to blow him off because there is something burning. Gander finds the file folder as the villain is a jewel thief that has escaped from SHUSH. Boy; you know SHUSH is doomed when they are dealing with jewel thieves. Drake looks into the file and sees various pictures of the thief in Saint Carnard and Gander claims that the thief is hiding as a Quackerware salesman. Gander hands Drake the photo and it's Herb Muddlefoot. Drake is flabbergasted and refuses to take this case because even Drake F'N Mallard doesn't believe Herb is an annoying thief. Gander admits that he cannot force Drake to take the case; so he gives the file to Agent Grizz as Drake is SHOCKED and APPALLED. Even panicky when Grizz opens a panel and brings out an assault rifle. Oh yeah! This is where Grizz is at his best as Drake grabs the rifle and protests this outrage. Ummm; you refused to take the case Drake; that's SHUSH's problem; not yours.
Grizz is so giddy as Gander no sells Drake's request to drop the case because it must be investigated. Drake realizes while looking out the window that he screwed himself and wonders how to protect Herb from Grizz. So we logically scene change to in front of Herb's house and Herb is surprised that Drake wants to learn about Quackerware. As silly as it sounds. Herb pushes Drake in the house as Drake's feet flap in such a stiff manner that I thought Sunwoo was animating; but it's really WD-OZ. We head into the living room as Herb proclaims that you are a millionaire with Quackerware. I see Herb gets his jingles from Bud Flood; but doesn't have the acting chops to pull it off perfectly. Still better than Grizz and Drake working together; so I'll take it. Drake is flustered as he sees all the Quackerware bowls. So we head outside to a house with more triangles than a musical opera. Herb is offering a red haired duck in a red dress some of the QUACKERWARE OF DOOM and she thanks Herb and then puts the Quackerware on the table. We then see Herb go all evil on us and he looks in the window and see the Quackerware all grow legs and walk around sucking up cash, jewelry and other stuff with the mouth of lids. Oh no! Herb really is an evil jewel thief. And to think; the only reason Drake didn't like Herb was because Herb was annoying. So the Quackerware walks to a cream truck as Herb is laughing and it sounds really weird as he heads to the truck and blows Herb off. Wait; what? He then takes off the mask and it's a really badly drawn weasel furry known as Weazel Loman. Yeah; let's blow the suspense wide open because the episode can get any more interesting why don't we? And make a crappier version of Weazel from Vowel Play while we are at it. If I were the writers; I would have waited until much later to unmask him so they can tease "Herb" being a heel when he is not. As bad as Scooby Doo can be; at least that show build dramatic tension...Oh wait; this is COMEDY BABEE; never mind what I said.
Apparently; Weasel (I refuse to call him the VP spelling of the name because Weazel was much much more interesting as a character than this Quackerware failure who wants revenge for being such a crappy sales...weasel.) created robot Quackerware (which is a really interesting plot device to say the least) to do his bidding and smear the good, annoying name of Herb Muddlefoot. He claims that he needs more raw material and shows a picture of Herb who is without his suit for no reason that I can think of. So we head back to Herb's living room as LP and Drake sit down and Drake has the Gruffi pose on full blast while Herb shows him the in's and out's of Quackerware showing off his silver key because he has access to the Quackerware factory. Drake calls Herb a motormouth and Herb continues his spiel and pushes the button on the bottom and the red top flies into Drake's face and somehow teleports back onto the Quackerware. Okay; NOW I'm sold on this Tupperware Year Round storage system. Then he stuffs Drake into a green suit, hat and we go to the projector and slides as Herb pretty much explains the rules of engagement without teaching Drake how to "know your product and territory." Drake decides to look out the window wondering where Grizz is as Launchpad is watching the slide where Herb won a trophy and has lots of Quackerware with it. Apparently; Herb is the salesman of the year for the company and the next slide shows an even bigger trophy. Almost as big as Herb actually as Herb turns on the lights and admits that those slides shouldn't be there and Herb admits that he's the salesman of the decade. Drake and Launchpad are in shock over this as LP calls him a hero and tries to shake Herb's hand. However; Drake gets right in the middle and wants to sell some Quackerware; prompting Herb to hug Drake and squeeze him. HAHA! He also throws Drake right into the Quackerware which Drake isn't thrilled to be at all.
So we head to a house as Herb and Drake walk up to it. Herb rings the doorbell and out comes a bird with a purple shirt and blond hair in curlers. Herb introduces himself to him and his portable Quackerware table set up and the lady goes all giddy for Herb and buys up about four or five Quackerware bowls and proclaims that she will tell Doris about this because Herb is so awesome in their eyes. Drake does the Gruffi pose and proclaims that Herb has groupies. He said it like Herb has herpes or something. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... So we hear the bell of an ice cream truck and an ice cream truck comes down the bend. Drake suddenly panics because Grizzlikoff is driving the ice cream truck. For some strange reason I find that demeaning Grizz's character to drive something so...American. Grizz sees Herb leaving the property and has his picture as Drake jumps out from behind the trees and shoves Herb into a trashcan as Grizz shoots a plunger gun which hits a steel pole and then a mack truck speeds by and somehow the plunger is now on the mach truck as Grizz surfs behind them out of sight. This all ends with Herb rolling down a hill and bumping into a tree. Drake runs in and pops the trash can from Herb's body which seems a lot easier than it should be. Herb is dizzy; but recovers just in time for Drake to console him and proclaims that with Quackerware; you can shake it, but you cannot break it. And apparently; you can shove it; but cannot break it either. Drake isn't exactly amused as we scene change to house #2 as Herb rings the door bell and Drake offer to try his luck on this gig. Herb allows him because Quackerware will take him there. HA! Drake's reaction is priceless; and I mean that in the nicest way possible.
So Herb gives him the suitcase and sneaks stage left as Drake rings the doorbell and Drake does his introduction to a dognose in a green dress with white apron who seemly has the same hairstyle as the lady that Weasel screwed earlier on. And of course Drake completely screws up by landing the suitcase on her foot. No male on female contact? What no male on female contact? Her face is funny though as Drake tries to get the portable suitcase to open; but it whacks him down to the ground with a wussy bump as the lady has the Quackerware and she's clearly new to this because she wants a demonstration. So Drake demonstrates it the Donald Duck way: bite, stomp and do everything except what Herb told him how to open the damn thing. So the lady pushes the button on the button and Drake gets the cover in the fact and gets bushed back right in front of the bushes where Herb is hiding. Drake pleads for a second chance to make up for the screw up and Herb agrees to it; on the condition that if he gets nervous; call for Herb. So we go to house #3 as Drake rings the door bell and he's a nervous wreck. He is stuttering like an idiot and juggling like an idiot in front of a obese dog nose lady with black hair and a cream apron with a light blue dress and she blows off Drake because she's not interested in carnival performers. HA! Drake sticks his leg in the doorway pleading for a second chance. I would have called for help at this point; and I'm a really more stubborn guy than even Drake is. The lady slams the door on the leg and breaks it along with the swollen web foot. Drake yanks the leg out of the door...
...and we scene change to a bus bench as Drake and Herb sit down while Herb puts on a portable cast onto Drake's injured leg. Herb DID think of everything as Drake wonders why this is not working. It's because you don't LISTEN to Herb because you think he is annoying. So we pan over to a stand of trees and see Weasel hiding behind them looking like Evil Herb. Now here's why they should have dumped the unmasking because at this point; we can clearly see that there are two Muddlefoots and even the dumbest of the dumb would realize that Herb is NOT a thief right here. By waiting until now to reveal this; there would be tension. By waiting until five minutes into the episode; there is no suspense and it makes this scene look weak. Just because Drake is a cartoon duck is no excuse for not writing a proper episode. Herb wants to cheer up Drake Mallard; so he's going to do the Quackerware cheer. Oh; this is going to be good. I know this for sure because Drake is flustered right on cue before he does it. HAHA! Here are the lyrics in full in case you can't listen to the actual episode:
Like the hundred legs on a centipede,
We move forward in a great stampede.
Even the other guys must concede,
QuackerWare salesmen are a special breed.
Now you have to admit; that was pretty funny although it would have been better if they used a unique piece of music rather than stock music. Herb's crawling around the bus stop is really amusing to say the least. Drake calls Herb talented as we see Weasel Herb blowing off Herb for having Drake as an understudy; because he was never given a chance to be one as he goes to his cell phone. You know; the whole Aero Cross fanfic that I had planned was based on some Meme war between the ducks/dognoses and the furries on discrimination and equality grounds. And yes it took place in Darkwing/Ducktales worlds so there you go. You'll never see it of course because I suck at fanfic writing in general and ranting was a better talent for me. Anyhow; we discover that underneath Herb's coat; there is a beeper as he goes to the phone booth and takes a phone call while Drake guards the Quackerware.
Weasel Herb is calling and claiming that he is John Q. Public and he's a complainer while doing the worst female voice acting ever. He wants a refund for defective Quackerware as Herb panics and calls this horrible. Yeah; it sure is Herb since you fell for it hook, line and sinker. A normal person wouldn't have brought it because Quackerware's main audience is housewives and John is hardly a female name. Now if he had said Chris Kringle; that would have been a lot more believable. So Herb runs over to Drake and informs him that he has a special call to take and he wants Drake to hold the fort while he goes into his red 1950's car and zooms off. Weasel Herb has the binoculars as Drake hobbles off with the suitcase claiming that if Herb can do it; so can he. Then Weasel Herb comes up from behind and steals the suitcase from Drake just as Grizz is in a house window with a rocket launcher. Drake protests this (and it's clear to Drake that this is NOT Herb); but stands right in the line of fire as Weasel Herb bails and Grizz fires the rocket straight at Drake. Drake calls for an A Bomb Shelter and that ends the segment 11 minutes in. All right episode thus far...
After the commercial break; we see Drake get MURDERED by the rocket as the rocket makes a small hole in the sidewalk while Drake is smoking on top of power pole wires coughing. I've accepted the fact that the writers have no idea how to keep the logic of power wires straight; so let's move on. And then he sees Weasel Herb and runs after him pleading for another chance. Now; this still makes sense because Drake has never seen Weasel Herb at all; nor his disguises, however, the whole point of not blowing your load is so we the audience can suspend our disbelief in these scenes and we as the audience can decide if Herb has an evil twin brother; or will it be someone else who looks like Herb; or other possible things. But since we KNOW who this evil Herb is right from the start; we cannot suspend our disbelief at all and thus it makes us yell at Drake Mallard for being really gullible even though he is not in this case. I made this same case on a Gummi Bears episode sometime ago; whose name escapes me at the moment; and Last Horizons did this suspense thing to perfection; even though in the end it turned out to be the most racist episode ever in DTVA. Grizz flops out of the window as his broken Russian accent is even more annoying to me now since he's now misspelling words. And yes; this is the final appearance of Grizzlikoff (and pretty much SHUSH in general, unless you count Steeminator) and he wants to kill two birds with one stone. This works because he hates Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck anyway; so it's really three birds; only two share the same bird brain. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... I guess Disney has either officially banned Drake's gas gun; or Drake is smart enough...Oh wait; it's Disney. Let's move on...
So we chase and Drake turns around to notice Grizz is behind him so it's time to run interference. Drake then runs over to a stone fence and starts taunting Grizz and his lardass hips. And yes; he said "Lard Hips" and dares him to jump the stone fence. So Grizz; being the dumb Russian stereotype who likes to kill annoying full of himself mallard; falls for it and jumps right into the conveniently placed hole in someone's front driveway (aren't we special?) and falls into the moral sewer for which it came. Drake calls this the ace in the hole and he gets splashed as a result from the impact. HA! So we head to the abandoned factory BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Weasel Herb walks towards the front doors and opens them to walk inside. I know this factory has been abandoned because the windows are poorly boarded up. So Weasel Herb unmasks and places the Quackerware into a machine and the conveyer belt moves the Quackerware through the machine and onto the other side. Now the unmasking is perfectly apporos because we now know that the was a Herb imposter because we saw them in the same scene albeit not together. Weasel wants the Quackerware to talk to him and they all chant Herb while growing legs. So Weasel brushes golden paint on all the Quackerware and apparently; Quackerware has some chemical reaction that causes the paint to dry instantly. And yes folks; there are methods in real life to make paint dry instantly; although I'm not sure if they existed in 1992. I know they didn't exist in TaleSpin's world. Anyhow; the Quackerware all jump into the padded suitcase because it's time to sell Quackerware to snobs. I see Weasel is now into playing Rebecca's playbook from A Touch Of Glass; only Rebecca knows better now.
So Weasel puts the mask back on and we scene change to Herb in a desert complete with rocks and CACTUS JACKS OF DOOM claiming that he has the right address. Yeah; Herb is so dense, it makes us think new Disney adults are dense and therefore bad by proxy. Even though at least Herb is funny and therefore can get away with such dense spots. Harold Buttowski; not so much. See how naunce can actually help a reviewer; instead of dismissing everything out of hand on principles that haven't been aired out to make sure that they aren't misguided or outright wrong? It makes convincing the new Disney fans that the old shows are better a lot easier. Herb checks his watch and hopes Drake is doing all right; so he will return to find him as we scene change to the sliver spoon section of Saint Carnard. We see Weasel unmasked for no reason whatsoever because he was masked when he left. I don't understand the point of having the mask off when no one noticed him. I guess he drives the truck without it; although he was masked when he got out to the factory. Let's move on as Weasel puts the mask back on and tries to choose which house to rob first; but changes voices to Herb when Drake is yelling for him. So Weasel Lamon is voiced by Jim Cummings; it has to be. Anyhow; Drake pleas for a second chance and Weasel Herb takes the suitcase and walks to the pink house steps. Drake likes this idea of selling to the high payers of the social fabric as they say. Kill reference #1 ensues as Drake is impressed with Herb's business acumen. So Weasel Herb rings the doorbell and hugs Drake by the neck and sounds like Herb.
So the door opens and there is a pig butler on call to answer it. Weasel Herb sounds like a oily salesman showing off the catalog as the butler no sells because plastic is beneath this house. I guess the home was expecting this guy which is odd as Weasel Herb opens the portable suitcase and shows off the golden Quackerware that he painted sparkly gold and the butler reconsiders and takes five of them. Drake and Weasel Herb leave as Drake was shocked to see this because he didn't know that upper class Quackerware existed. Well; it gives new meaning to the term "special order". AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Weasel Herb almost blows his cover by laughing; but then recoils and tells Drake to hold the fort because he has something to do before he leaves for the next house. Drake walks stage left as Weasel Herb goes over to his Golden Living Quackerware bowls and he opens them to reveal jewels and gold. Weasel Herb calls this a new level of understanding as we cut to a road and here comes Herb Muddlefoot in his 1950's car. He turns around the cul-de-sac and stops because he sees Drake at the sidewalk. Herb asks Drake why he is here (since it not on the normal Quackerware route) and Drake claims that he was the one he was with. Drake then gets the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and we clearly see Weasel Herb with his living golden Quackerware bowls. And now Herb is PISSED and I do mean PISSED; right down to the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS. So Weasel Herb walks into the front lawn of the rich house that he just robbed and the grass gets pulled and Weasel Herb falls on his face. Herb is pissed off now as he unmasks Weasel Lamon and throws the mask away to Drake who thinks that this is the work of Grizzlikoff. Wow Drake; if that isn't just the dumbest deduction ever because Grizzlikoff NEVER wore a mask in his life in ANY episode he was in.
Herb of course points out Weasel as a disgrace to the Quackerware company and Weasel blows him off because Quackerware is a 10th rate product and his living Quackerware is better than his. He also calls Herb a boy scout which just pisses off Herb. When ultra dense Herb Muddlefoot is more enlightened than you; you are seriously in need of professional help. Herb proclaims that he can disgrace Herb; but when you start messing with Quackerware you pay the price. You know; if this were 2012, the Quackerware would be a defective product and we have two misguided idiots instead of just one. So Herb knuckles up and we circle with undertaker music. Why? I have no idea. So we do a sumo wrestling spot and bump into each other as Drake breaks the fourth wall and calls them two beach balls with a grunge. Nowadays; it's two DVD sets with a personal grunge against Bob Iger. AHHAHAHAHAHA! And here comes Grizzlikoff in his ice cream truck as Drake goes up a tree and into it as he changes off-screen into Darkwing Duck and uses a chainsaw to do a snow angel spot on the tree. Oooookkkkkaaaayyyyy. Drake attempt to do his flap in the night promo; but Grizzlikoff spots him right away. He calls him a dope for stealing the case as Weasel spots him and bails stage left into his Gedo fashion sense truck like a scalded weasel and drives away. Grizzlikoff sees the whole thing and realizes that Drake was telling the truth. Drake wants to call a truce; but Grizz remembered the last time he tried to work together with Drake and goes into the ice cream truck and speeds off after Weasel. Drake climbs into the back of the ice cream truck and there had better be a fight in that truck; or I'll be so disappointed. Herb opens his eyes and sees that everyone is gone.
He then notices the Quackerware is golden and moving and chases after them because they shouldn't be used in commission to a crime. And really; who can argue with that? So we have Grizz driving the truck as Drake tells him to step on it and he sells. However; he has other ways to even the odds as he opens a nozzle and it's a Frigid Freeze Ray which he shoots and turns a police officer into an ice cube. Crime is such a chilly hell isn't it? AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! So the chase continues with Drake blowing off Grizz as Sundance as Drake grabs the Freeze Ray and lies on the roof; trying to shoot the future Weasel on a stick; but he misses and shoots the ground and we have Mr. Icy Roads just to make me cringe even though the icy roads haven't been a major factor for the next couple of years. So the ice cream trucks does the whirlwind spot out of sight forcing Drake onto the yellow cheese truck Weasel is driving because this is what this episode needs: More windbags! So Drake is on the hood of the truck as Drake brings out the gas gun and tries to do his terror promo again; but Weasel steps on the gas and Drake splats like a bug on my windshield (God bless Kenny Blankenship. I seriously need to rant on MXC for real someday. It's not like I did fanfic stories crossing DTVA and certain other characters with it.) and then tumbles over the hood and over the shoulder onto the road. Huh? Then Drake gets up in the middle of the road and almost gets MURDERED by Weasel's truck as Drake hangs onto the back...
Blink & Miss Moment #1: The back license sezs Disney on it. Although word license plates are very, very common nowadays; this would be rare since it's just asking for copyright infringement charges.
Anyhow; Drake slams the back door of the truck as Weasel thinks he's won as he stops at the factory and the license plate has completely disappeared for no reason now. We hear chanting from the walking Quackerware bowls as we see Weasel unloading stuff inside as the Quackerware bowls march in as we see the various goodies that they brought to him. Weasel proclaims that phase three is needed and he needs quality Quackerware; thus implying that he lied about Quackerware being a tenth rate product. And then we see Drake on top of the roof of the van proclaiming that Weasel is going to need good lawyers with no morals. Now come on Drake Mallard; you know it was lawyers who made the 1980's spew morals out of the ears. You are not fooling anyone. There is no such thing as an immoral lawyer; after all, the only one I can think off has been disbarred a long time ago..Oh wait; never mind. Drake has the gas gun ready to make Weasel suck gas which is not really needed because he sucks in every other way at this point. Drake proclaims that he should blast him for being a criminal and a criminal imposter of Herb Muddlefoot. Weasel stammers as we see the door entrance where the Quackerware marches in and here comes Herb crawling and pleading for them not to have a criminal record. Weasel notices him and grabs Herb by the neck hold (same one as Drake) just as Drake wanted the side by side comparison. Drake gulps and that ends the segment 18 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we have a far away shot of Weasel with Herb as his hostage and Drake on the roof of the truck with the gas gun. Weasel demands Drake put down the gun and Drake sells it without incident. Weasel then goes to Herb's suit and breaks the necklace which hosts the sliver key which Herb was wearing. Herb protests this outrage; calling this a trade secret; but Weasel counters that he's a former salesman and thus knows the secret. He is going to have it all and ruin Quackerware and Herb's reputation as they will become nothing. I don't get how stealing a silver key is going to make him owner of Quackerware's company. Drake demands that Herb be let go and Weasel ponders it over. Weasel decides to sell and throws him into a living Quackerware bowl and seals the lid. I see we have the one billion to one compression rate going here. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Drake blows him off and then has to jump away from a biting living Quackerware bowl; but lands right into the Quackerware bowl groupies who bite Drake's feet which we never get to see as Weasel gets into his van and drives away stage left. The door slams behind him as Drake does his lame karate moves to make the Quackerware bounce away from Drake. Drake then goes to Herb stuck in Quackerware and tries to open it; but it's stuck. So Drake remembers the jingle of opening the bowl and pushes on the bottom button; but nothing happens. So we get the Donald Duck style of opening for a bit; which doesn't do anything. So Drake sits on the bowl and the button pushes down against the ground and Drake springs into the air and crashes into wooden boxes with a really good bump. I guess that is the consequences of compression with Quackerware. Drake is dizzy as we scene change to Herb and Drake running as Drake points out that Weasel is heading for the Quackerware factory. Herb claims that he knows the factory like the back of his hand and Drake does the closeup as it's time to get dangerous.
So we head to the Quackerware Factory (Shorthand: QW) factory (which looks like an oil refinery tank) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Weasel uses the silver key on the door and unlocks it. He walks in and he sees the motherlode of all Quackerware bowls on the shelves. So he brings in the forklift as he proclaims that he'll have it all once he mutates the bowls. Of course he is so stupid that he forgot to spring a death trap to begin with and Drake rises from the forklift with his gas gun and full of himself attitude. See how good episodes can be when Drake tones it down? So Weasel drops the forklift part and we get the first logic break of the episode as the Quackerware bowls shatter on cue and after some dodging; Drake tries to tackle Weasel; but Weasel uses the BELLY OF DEATH to bounce Drake into the wall and drop another shelf of Quackerware onto the ground which doesn't shatter like glass. Then somehow; Weasel has a lead pipe with a faucet on it (how he got that I have no idea) and tells Drake that he is done after the Quackerware derby. Drake blows him off because we are going to beat you Weasel. Weasel does the "who and what army" promo as Quackerware bounces off his head as we cut to a top shelf and see Herb covered in Quackerware throwing Quackerware. HAHA! Now that's my Herb as he calls himself the One Man Quackerware Defense System. And really; who can argue that point? And Weasel counters with the ass to protect himself and then bails. He tries to make it to the cheese van; but Herb swings like Tarzan (and apparently; he has gotten out of the suit because he is wearing his sandals now.) and uses the big ass spatula of death to bounce Weasel onto the ground right in front of the conveniently placed Quackerware machine. Great to see someone was on the ball here eh? So Drake and Herb help Weasel up and throw him into the square hole of the machine and we process like a How It's Made promo.
And then here comes the tow truck which has the ice cream truck with Grizz in it as he comes out and blows off Drake for stealing his case. He demands to know where Weasel is and Herb checks his watch as we cut to the end of the conveyer line to see Weasel squeezed into a big ass Quackerware bowl. Only his head and shoulders are shown as Drake tells Grizz that they gift wrapped it for him. So we scene change to Grizz rolling Weasel out of the factory (and that bowl seems to be a wheel now and about three times bigger than the bowl we saw) as Drake watches on. It's amazing that Drake would swallow his pride for this; but whatever; it was the right booking decision. Drake walks into the storage area as Herb cleans up the mess of Quackerware and Drake informs that "Drake" is outside and he's a real cuss. He wanted to inform Herb of something and they both do the Quackerware jingle for one last time as Herb has a tear in his eye and that ends the episode at 21:11. Very good episode for the most part; although this basically buries SHUSH as a petty organization who is dumber than Drake is. However; the Herb/Drake dramatic was great and Herb did is usual funny good self. *** 3/4 (75%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Now this is a much better episode involving Grizzlikoff and SHUSH simply because Grizzlikoff as a trigger happy Russian bear stereotype is much more awesome and funnier than Grizzlikoff as a stupid, guy who tries to work with Drake when he is supposed to hate Drake with all his being. Herb was great as usual in this one as the entire Quackerware scheme was amusing and Weasel was a decent villain with a good plot device; albeit not much else. The story was great until they made Weasel look stupid because they didn't even bother with a death trap; and Drake's defense of Herb was good to see and it works a lot better when I am ranting by syndication episode order because it makes You Sweat Your Life seems less contrived than it already was. Everything else was fine and I enjoyed this; although to be honest, I now realize that SHUSH is nothing more than a petty anti-thief agency and they don't do all that good of a job of that; rendering them useless. Thankfully; SHUSH is basically done for this series; except for a couple of brief moments with FOWL and SHUSH during the return of Taraus Bullba in The Steeminator. So next up is the final 1991 episode: A Brush With Oblivion and it's Honker and Drake against the debut of Splatter Phoenix which also has a good following with the fans. So....
Thumbs in the middle, pointing up for this episode and I'll see you all next time!
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