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Star Crossed Circuits

Reviewed: 08/25/2012

Ummm; No Thanks!!

It's incredible to think that we have only ten episodes to go; but this story is going to cause me some pain since it's the old "Drake gets computer and computer loves him like a stalker so much so that it'll kill anyone who stands in it's way." Hopefully; this one will go fast. So; let's rant on shall we...

The episode is written by Bill Motz and Robert Roth and story edited by Doug Langdale. The animation is done by Sunwoo Animation.

We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as we head to the hideout to watch a soap opera on the television. We see a blond female dognose wearing a red shirt and pink pants dressing down a scumbag duck with brown hair and green shorts with a green vest. And yes; this whole scene does mean something later on. She's DD Lovelust by the way and the it's funny that the scumbag wants DD to put something down; but we see nothing in her hand in the first closeup shot of her. Logic break #1 barely five seconds in; a new record for DTVA. We discover that the scumbag is Constant Webfoot (That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Lady claims it's Wisconsin Webfoot; which makes no sense anyway); which is quite symbolic of Disney's love of ducks during this period. Although that love didn't last as Quack Pack and Mighty Ducks The Animated Series killed the good graces of kids, cartoon duck lovers and DTVA in general. And we cut to the GANG OF GAG watching in chairs (except for Honker who is sitting on the ground because he's a nerd) while Launchpad gasps in horror as DD Lovelust slaps Constant off-screen. So male on female contact is allowed; but female on male contact isn't? THAT'S SEXIST! Anyhow; Drake is trying to pull boxes open and yelling at LP to help him test some new SHUSH weapons. I cannot believe LP for slacking off. I mean; does anyone really want to deal with SHUSH in anyway now that they are billed as weak ass? I didn't think so. Drake's arm corkscrew when he flies back for no reason. Give him the REDNECK AUTOPILOT OF DOOM LP; that'll work better and Drake can stop complaining about someone no one cares about. Drake calls LP's television "swill" (which is also known as "Trash TV"; although that's kind of ironic considering what many people think of cartoons even in that period.); and LP claims that the soap opera is called "The Young & The Brainless". Kind of fits most new cartoons today doesn't it. It's the brainless leading the brainless, if you weeeellll.

However; Launchpad decides to help him anyway as we segue to a scene changer with Launchpad slamming the engine door of the Thunder Quack and proclaiming that all SHUSH equipment has been installed. Apparently; the Rat Catcher has a weapon called the waffle launcher. Okay; logic break #2: Those are pancakes; not waffles. I'm guessing that this was a copyright issue which is hilarious considering that the whole device is a BS&P decision if I ever saw one. Remember back in TaleSpin when Kit noticed that one of the harpoon guns was an oil model Smith & Wesson (which is a legit gun making company)? So Gosalyn points out that there is one more crate left and Drake finally finds the crowbar and of course it screws him. Oh come on guys; can we stop with the "Drake is weak" stuff already? And of course the crate opens itself and smashes Drake flatter than my sex life. Go figure. Anyhow; there is a super computer in there; at a time when super computers were the size of two stoves. Drake pops up from in between the boards (oh boy; we are really going cartoony to the extreme today) as Honker takes the book and we discover that it's a D-2000 super computer. Gosalyn and Honker are told to move the D-2000 up to the platform and they sell; slowly. Drake reads the book he took from Honker and we discover that the D-2000 can store 98 trillion bits of information. That equals 9.8 Tetrabits of information; or under 2 Tetrabytes. Now in 1991; that would be unbelievable and evidence to the cartoonish nature of the show; but today, 2 TB's is the average size hard drive of most computers sold today (except for reBOOT of course; but we deal with getting people on board with computers at a low cost; not people who have had computers in the past, and have enough money to buy one retail.). So there you go; D-2000 is not all that impressive anymore.

Yeah; controlling cars and theories isn't good enough for Drake; it also has to program the VCR which Drake beams. Oh; and just to show the old farts how hypocritical they are; we get a jackhammered Wii blue aura with sparkles when Drake beams. No wonder most kids aren't buying the arguments from the old farts. Then again; I notice this things even as an old fart so there you go... LP helps Gosalyn and Honker on the platform with the machine as Honker notices that the remote control can be used anywhere. Ah; so it's a 3G unit 20 years before anyone knew nor cared. LP notices some parts and thinks this computer could run his life for him. Which is exactly what Drake wants as we have Drake motioning to Honker with the red toolbox to get this party rolling and Honker salutes him. Then for no reason; we jump cut to Drake's house as Drake is sipping lemonade lying on the couch with pillows and blanket as the robot arms of doom do the job of cleaning the floors and doing other such silly stuff. Launchpad sulks on the flipping chairs; although that doesn't last too long as one of the flying robot arms whizzes in and give LP a glass of lemonade. LP goes to change the oil in the Rat Catcher; but the robot arm with serving tray informs him (Victoria Carroll) that the oil has been changes on all machines Drake owns. The robot looks like cheese with cheesy color arms and a blue screen in case anyone cares. I guess the writers were having a good laugh about the cheesiness of this episode in general; but the audience isn't exactly thrilled right now. LP tries a deviled egg (which the yolks are all green for some reason) as LP wants to check the criminal scanner; but D-2000 is on the case there. LP then tries some bit chores and D-2000 has already done that. Including baking a cake with pink icing. Drake tells LP to relax and enjoy as he tastes the pink icing with his finger.

Then D-2000 robot #12 comes in with a red siren to proclaim that a robbery is in progress and Launchpad cheers for death; or a chance to be useful. With Launchpad's muted fatalism; it's hard to tell. And it's the Sitting Duck National bank as Drake does some eye contact violence; lest he gives LP some heat as LP recoils and we head into the street to the bank and then inside as a bunch of mice gangsters with machine guns that are clearly BS&P'ed to look like pressure cookers. And you think 4Kids' super soaker guns are horrible? At least they look like water machine guns; unlike these guns. Plus; they don't have the charm that the Rattle Rifle had in 4Kids dubbing of Shaman King. He places the bag onto the counter and orders a lady to fill it. Did I mention that there is a female robber wearing a black mask too. She has no gun whatsoever which is actually a blessing in this case. As much as I would love to see a female holding a pistol (thank you Rebecca Cunningham for that BS&P note. No wonder Disney wants to forget your show ever existed.); having the female robber (who is dressed like Rebecca Cunningham) use those BS&P guns is embarrassing. I mean that too. More evidence of the BS&P note Night Flight was talking about: After the woman fills the bag; she get splattered with melted cheese from the gun. Yeap; BS&P'ed all the way. If this happened in TaleSpin; she would have ducked as the heel fires two shots from a bullet shooting gun. I assure you that would happened. And here comes Drake and his smokescreen at 4:42...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the check that overdraws your account.

Sony might want to consider that promo in the future; because it's more likely to happen to THEM; then it is to Nintendo or even Microsoft. Although Apple and Samsung are too busy suing each other to care. Otherwise; ZZZZZZZZZ! Launchpad is backwards as usual and get punished with the BS&P cheese. I'm not going to even bother explaining what the mice are wearing because I really don't care about this fight at this point. Drake does his lame karate kick on the male sidekicks and the female robber has been teleported out completely. RAMBO DALE the worst possible sub possible! Thanks writers. The leader of the mice robbers wants out (come to think about it; the leader is dressed like that mobster in the Bugs Bunny shorts; whom name of both the mobster and episode escapes me at the moment) as he goes through the back door. However; the Thunder Quack is right there as D-2000 is going to kill him with a 240 jigawatt Laser Cannon. I see someone was watching a Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale production. Jigawatt is actually a misquote for Gigawatt. 240 Gigawatts is roughly 1/4th the power of a lightning bolt so it is not all that powerful; and your odds of living through are higher. The boss mouse surrenders anyway because he doesn't have an education in weather; nor reality. So we head to the streets as Drake is standing on the Rat Catcher as the police birds put the mice (three of them since the female one isn't seen at all) in the police van. Drake proclaims that he couldn't have done it without his trusty sidekick as Launchpad thinks he is the one who did it. Well; he did serve as motivation; but Drake praises D-2000 and LP slumps. I shake my head because D-2000 wasn't even needed since Drake seemly had the robbers until control himself; and all D-2000 did was threaten the boss with a laser gun.

So Drake treats the D-2000 like a human being and we race off into the darkness as it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark); as D-2000 is apparently an automatic pilot now. Drake acts like Baloo putting his feet on the control panel as Launchpad whines and complains about being useless because the D-2000 does everything better than him. I doubt that seriously LP; you are still useful for airplane crashes and Drake is still better at being full of himself and being REALLY STUPID. So; nothing really changes at all. No siree. Pay no attention to Puppet Eisner behind the curtain (Hey; if the WWE can make a puppet based on Triple H; then Disney can make a puppet based on Eisner because Puppet H is hilarious.). Drake of course tries to come up with useful stuff; but always gets cut off by D-2000's charm of course. Although D-2000 doing heavy lifting is sure going to help LP's back in the future. And yes; the crappy cardboard Sunwoo backgrounds are in full force here. It makes me like the Ducktales backgrounds just a little more. Drake claims that LP can do show tunes; and LP tries to do a song and Drake grabs his beak to shut him up because he hates his singing. Oh sod off you full of yourself mallard! We finally had a good spot and you had to stop it. You would think Drake was the president of the RIAA or something. So we head to Drake's house as Gosalyn wants to do some crank calling as Honker thinks this is a bad idea. I agree with him; look at all the crank calling Baloo did and got him in hot water. Thankfully; the D-2000 puts a stop to this and is going to tattle tale on her too. Thankfully; Drake and LP come in so we can get this crap out of the way. Apparently; Gosalyn committed 46 incidents since he left; including playing roller hockey in the house with Honker. Wait; they brought a crocodile into the house? They also have Gosalyn using a chainsaw on the wall? How is THAT possible? And boy; the background on that wall is crappy.

So of course; under the Malstrom "video tape doesn't lie" rule; Drake buys it hook, line and sinker. Considering that this is a cartoon and not real life; that rule is very hard to defend. In real life; it's much easier to defend that rule. I betcha Gosalyn is grounded for life plus 25 years. ONLY 50 YEARS DRAKE?! Screw you! That's less time than your average copyrighted work. Gosalyn does the Gruffi pose as she blows off the D-2000 and then D-2000 comes in proclaiming that there is a jail break in progress. Launchpad is giddy about this as he heads to the flipping chairs; but D-2000 and Drake occupy the flipping chairs. Drake wants to take this one on with D-2000 alone. And it's time to get dangerous barely seven minutes in. Drake and D-2000 flip as Launchpad is in tears and decides to quit. Gosalyn has the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT with her (just to jackhammer the point home that no fun or entertainment is allowed); but D-2000 steals it from her (what a shock?). So we go into the streets with Drake in the Rat Catcher checking on the status of the crime in progress and then Drake stops in front of the police station as the Thunder Quack already has the laser gun on and the robbers from earlier have their hands up and are walking into the police station. And yes; the female mouse robber is teleported back into this scene for no reason. Drake actually protests this; but D-2000 claims that the police love her ways and it was easier. So D-2000 then reports a robbery at Lacy's Department Store and we race allowing Drake to do the flaming road spot. Boy; do the old farts look bad or what?

So we head to the department store as a your standard robber in a beret walks out with a sack of cash and he actually has a pistol on him. Betcha it's a water gun painted gray so we didn't notice it was BS&P'ed. Sadly; the robber tries to bail as the Rat Catcher arrives and Drake brings out the gas gun to make him suck gas; but he gets REJECTED by D-2000! FINALLY! A good spot I liked. HAHA! It took them eight minutes to do so too. D-2000 shoots the MELTED CHEESE OF DEATH and that stops the heel in it's tracks. I got to admit; that was good continuity from the writers there and some character development from D-2000 too. Drake gets all pissed off and blows off D-2000 with a full of himself promo. He lands in the shotgun position and orders D-2000 to drive him home. And he's not having a nice day. That makes two of us Drake. So D-2000 bails stage left as we get the peel rubber fade to black and then return to the hideout as we see Launchpad on the Thunderquack as the kids realize that D-2000 has waxed the TQ and LP is depressed. Honker offers to watch The Young & The Brainless with LP (which he taped by the way; so D-2000's despot dictator attitude does have it's limits after all); but LP doesn't care. So we see Gosalyn and Honker somehow teleport to in front of the SCPU as Gosalyn has had enough of this depressing episode. Or Launchpad being depressed. Same thing basically. Honker offers to reprogram it; but it could be dangerous. Then Drake comes in pissed off and it's clear that this whole angle is sucking. D-2000 doesn't understand emotions at all (she is a robot so it makes perfect sense) as Gosalyn tries to point out Drake's problems; but D-2000 has no definitions for such things. Gosalyn sees this as an opening as she puts the VHS tape into the machine and wants D-2000 to try to process that show.

I should point out that both kids have cans of Koo Koo Cola. Oh goody! Like I said before; I betcha Tad Stones wishes he never invented that plot device because critics made damn sure it bit him in the ass when this show was playing crappy episodes. So now that D-2000 is distracted; Gosalyn wheels in Honker in a chair as the Koo Koo cola is on the panel. Drake walks up and he's so pissed off that he slams his fist right onto the can and crushes it allowing the pink liquid (strawberry soda? Honker likes Kit Cloudkicker's favorite soda pop? If so; my respect for Honker has gone up about three notches.) to leak into the D-2000 and Drake gets rainbow sparkle fried and the power goes out like an ECW rave party. Ships collide in the bay despite the green/blue cartoon lighting (well; it's Sunwoo, what a shock?) as the power goes back on and Drake blows off Gosalyn while shining spot lights in his mouth and eyes. WHAT? It was YOUR fault for being so ticked off you didn't notice the soda can on the panel. And it's HONKER who put the soda can on the panel; not Gosalyn. Yes; Drake blames Gosalyn for what Honker did and what Drake also did. Full of himself indeed. And of course D-2000 is now corrupted as hell and is love sick with Drake. It must be the headlights coming out of his eyes and mouth that she likes because there is no reason for her to love him otherwise. D-2000 calls him Honeywumpus (Wasn't that Chris Barat's original username? It's been a long time since the existence of DAFT. Sadly; it exists no more) which used to make me laugh; but it sounds lame now. She is now DD with red lips and she knows Drake loves her despite the fact that Drake isn't so hot about the relationship. Drake is confused as the robots all squeeze Drake and kiss him with jackhammer hearts as she just lays the kissy-kissy stuff on Drake and we heart fade out to end the segment 11 minutes in. Did the writers plan to make this a two parter? Which is kind of dumb since all Darkwing Duck episodes are 22 minutes; and making two 11 minute shorts seems counterproductive? Of course; the new Disney does this crap all the time, so what a shock? This is not a good episode thus far.

After the commercial break; we get more kissy-kissy stuff as Drake struggles to get free and demands answers from Honker. Honker explains that he was reprogramming the computer and Drake screams at him to spit it out. Honker thinks that the characters from the Young & The Brainless influenced her thoughts. Nah; it was the Koo Koo Cola which caused a chemical reaction and shorted her rational circuits. Drake is not happy to hear that as D-2000 is slowly becoming a stalker; but without the hyperness that makes it look good. Drake backs up; yawns and bails with dust cloud of himself standing in the way. Yawn. Drake runs like a scalded duck; but D-2000 is still onto him as he goes to the window and D-2000 still grabs him; proclaiming that he can either love her or leap into the icy waters below. Which Drake so happens to do as D-2000 claims that he's playing hard to get. So we head to Drake's house as we go from the night to sky shot complete with cock...ERRRR....I mean rooster crowing. We head to Drake's bedroom as he is sleeping the morning away and D-2000's claw grip squeezes Drake's cheeks. Drake wants a few more minutes of sleep ; but he wakes up anyway and we have five D-2000 robots giving him some of the most fattening, tasty stuff known to mankind and MacDonalds. Drake rushes out in a panic; but remember to go back to take one chocolate doughnut on the way. Heh. Drake walks down the stairs (while risking choking himself when eating said doughnut) and then panics as five more D-2000's have clothes while Launchpad sits on the flipping chairs getting a lot more amusement out of this than me. I don't blame him for that at least. Drake gets dressed up in such a hilarious way; which is fitting since Drake seems to move away when she tries to dress him. She does gain 1/4* for the bow tie to the beak even if that will not shut Drake up. And the SPRAY OF ALLERGIC REACTIONS gets involved of course.

Drake is angry and wants to do some crime fighting; as LP tells him later. Drake then proclaims that he cannot do it without his trusty sidekick. Oh yeah; NOW he needs help from Launchpad. And Launchpad must be so depressed that he sells it without a second thought. Well; Launchpad is an airhead. They get on the flipping chairs and it's time to get dangerous again nearly 13 minutes in. We flip and D-2000 has lost her mind because she needs to protect Drake. I'm skipping over the name calling here because almost all of it is lame and nothing of note. So we ride in the Rat Catcher as we get more moving cardboard backgrounds by Sunwoo as D-2000 claims that there is no crime and she wants a ride in the park. Then we get a police call of a crime at Third and Feather as Drake blows off D-2000 for being a liar. So Drake tries to ride to 3rd and Feather; but D-2000 takes over the controls because she has a "No Drake burying heels" rule that will make sure Drake is in no danger of looking bad. Okay; she's doing it because she is love sick with Drake; but it does do the job I wanted nicely. Drake is pissed off and he flies off the Rat Catcher when it stops and is caught with a big ass catcher's mitt from D-2000. HAHA! Irony is so damn ironic sometimes you moral midget of a mallard. Second good spot of the episode 14 minutes in. D-2000 is of course adjusting him to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. I just realize that means Drake is no longer an international object anymore; which is NOT good at all. DAMN YOU! YOU LOVESICK PUPPY MACHINE~!

Anyhow; Drake is set down while D-2000 gets into the shotgun position of the Rat Catcher and speeds off to catch the robber. Launchpad sees a conveniently placed ice cream stand and LP agrees with D-2000 on getting one as Drake is like "ice cream my ass" in roundabout terms and blows off D-2000 for stealing his heat. Now you know how half of the characters in this show feel about you stealing their heat Drake. So Drake bails and he runs to Third and Feather (I think) and towards a canopy as a duck robber with stolen stuff runs out of the building and does the whirlwind spot just to create more windbags. Drake tries to nab him; but D-2000 grabs him and gets all cuddley before spitting rings from it's behind and the golden rings tie up the robber in the middle of the street. Drake wiggles free and really blows her off as he tears the console from the Rat Catcher and proclaims that he's going to disconnect her tomorrow and threatens her to stay the hell away until then; or she's going to be recycled for five cents a pound. Drake gives her the console and storms off stage left. What? You're not going to leave in the Rat Catcher? You disconnected the CPU from it; so it should be free from being controlled by that love sick computer. So...WHAT?! D-2000 looks at the monitor and we see a heart broken on screen. UH OH! To Drake: SHE IS GONNA KILL YOU! And I do mean; SHE IS GOING TO KILL YOU! And anyone else who gets in her way. She gets fiery pissed off as she turns on the laser in the Rat Catcher. Wait; that makes no sense since the thing had a pancake launcher in it. Another bad logic break to end the segment 15 and a half minutes in. Now it should get good because D-2000 in PISSED mode should be entertainment; albeit in a perverse way...

After the commercial break; we see Drake and Launchpad humming the Darkwing Duck theme song AFTER HAPPY HOUR towards the house. Suddenly; Honker and Gosalyn run out of the house and slam the front door. Gosalyn is barricading the door as she pleads for Drake to not go in because D-2000 is pissed off. Drake calls this a classic example of Plan B (the machine kind) and he walks into the house and gets sucked up by the out of control vacuum cleaner. I'm not wasting Ron Sparks on this episode; the episode is doing fine on it's own before this. Drake struggle in the vacuum bag as the D-2000 robots take the bag and throw Drake onto the ground. Then Drake gets his clothing off to reveal his heart underwear as they have prepared a tub of hot water. Two years old; TaleSpin would have no problem showing Baloo naked without underwear at all. Drake struggles as D-2000 calls him tense. Well; that is what happens when you deal with a full of himself mallard being put in his place by a love drunk robot and it's super computer. So they drop him on the coffee table and message him complete with rolling pin. HAHA! Now this episode is getting better. See D-2000; you can be a dictator and still use Drake's best trait to get yourself over. Sadly; D-2000 only gets half of the kneading and rolling before Drake counters. Sigh. Oh; and Drake is wearing a pink shirt as Drake runs out and barricades the door. Gosalyn giggles as she calls Drake kinky. Really now Gos? So it's all right to say kinky; but not "This blows" Toon Disney? Really now?

Drake calls it all the rage in Europe as he does the whirlwind spot (because he's such a windbag) and he becomes DARKWING...DUCK! So we see the GANG OF GAG walking in the middle of the street (Kick: OH BISCUITS!) as it's was NEVER Drake's fault for wanting D-2000 to run his life. As usual as Drake wants to shut her off; but Gosalyn and Honker point out that she can tap into his records and alter them. Drake doesn't care as he tries to walk; but the TQ grabs him and we ride into the sky for a while and through some dark clouds before Drake free falls as he gets out the gas gun and shoots a pellet down onto the ground which turns into a red bean bag cushion. BS&P RULEZ! And FINALLY; BS&P gets screwed as Drake misses the thing by six inches. Drake has a concussion and proclaims: "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson". HAHA! That is the best spot of the entire episode right there and nothing will top it! Then come the police cars as they are here to arrest Darkwing Duck for crimes of the heart. WHAT? BS&P won't allow you to say "Alienation of Affection" which is the actual criminal charge?! Never mind that law is stricken from the books in most states anyway. Then comes a bill collector claiming that Drake is owed six million in credit charges. Ah; SHUSH finally footed the bill on the weapons! And he hasn't returned 6 billion video tapes according to a lady in purple. Then the three dumb adults who depend on technology more than Drake ever could bicker at each other and Drake crawls into the alleyway. Launchpad, Gosalyn and Honker find him and Gosalyn bullies Drake around wanting the D-2000 to be unplugged. Drake agrees with her as the three dependent adults find them and we give chase; but the TQ D-2000 finds him anyway and we get another really bad logic break as she shoots the 240 Gigawatt Laser on Drake's ass and Drake no sells it. Okay; the selling he does is jumping him and grabbing his ass; however...Ahem...


Ahem; sometimes my childish side must take over in such stupid spots like that. So everyone chases Drake as the TQ shoots the red laser and the GANG OF GAG dodges them. The babyfaces all hide behind an alleyway as D-2000 unleashes the Rat Catcher and the Waffle Launcher. Dammit! I knew that would be involved somehow. I really wish it didn't as it entombs the three dependent authority in a tomb of pancakes, syrup and butter. I'm fine with that; maybe that would prove that D-2000 altered the records. But knowing DTVA authority figures; I wouldn't count on it. Drake cheers and then gets flatten into Paper Drake by the Rat Catcher. HAHA! Launchpad unpops him as the GANG OF GAG gets surrounded by the RC and TQ and we chase for a while longer. Sadly; the babyfaces do not see where they are going and run right into the mouth of the Thunder Quack. Somehow LP got in without actually going in. Never mind; we head to Drake's hideout as the TQ returns and then spits out the babyfaces onto the top platform. Drake tries to flip the conveniently placed switch; but one of the D-2000 robots grabs his arm and raise him into the air as D-2000 is now officially role playing D.D. Lovelust from the Young & The Brainless. Honker points out the obvious for us as Gosalyn has a plan. We see Drake deciding to take the hell of a woman's scorn...And here comes Launchpad McQuack dressed up as Constant Webfoot; but changes the name to Lucas. Now why would you change the name to Lucas; when she has heat on Constant in the show and he's dressed like Constant (albeit different colors) anyway. For goodness sakes BS&P; Launchpad can take a beating.

Anyhow; DD asks why he wasn't in love with her evil twin sister and left to find his birthright. Lucas claims that she couldn't cook which is an obvious red flag in any sane universe; but this is Saint Carnard so she buys it. So DD decides to get in love; but her robot grab Drake on the rebound before he makes it to the switch. Revenge of a woman scorned you see. So Gosalyn enters looking like a poor little homeless girl with bandages on her feet and a green scarf. I see she got her shoe plans from Burl Ruxpin. I'm sorry; but this episode is not doing it for me. She is Lucinda now as Gosalyn climbs on her after DD claims that she was never seen again after the blimp incident in Boliva. What kind of soap opera is this? This sounds too much like a TaleSpin soap opera as Lucinda claims that she was in the jungle and DD cuts in on her lines which Lucinda blows off. DD teases letting go of Drake; but Honker goes for the switch and gets caught as DD thinks she is Spenser and in cahoots with Drake. So she thinks Drake is Constant which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever because Drake looks NOTHING like Constant at all. Damn you writers! You had a perfectly fine finish and you blew it now. Honker gets his beak shut and DD even tells him to shut up. Wow; that was almost like Kit Cloudkicker yelling at Molly to shut up in Plunder and Lightning part three. Almost. So Lucas pleas with her because he cannot stand to be with other men and she agrees. Honker and Drake are relieved; but the robots throw both babyfaces out of the window. But somehow Launchpad grabs Drake's cape and it springs back (ah; the old tear proof cape strikes again!) allowing them to collide into the machine with the wussiest bumps ever. Sigh. Drake pulls down the switch with his body weight and DD gets all melodramatic and the acting sucks so much; she must have been in a Z-grade soap opera. Whatever; it's over and I don't care. At least the machine sells better than Carroll's acting skills as the computer goes dead.

Launchpad sniffles as Drake consoles him because she had to be stopped. Drake wipes some tears because she wasn't all that bad as he steps in front of the computer and the computer squashes him flatter than Alexander the Grape. NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! Yes; I'm ending with that joke. It's better than most of the episode anyway as Drake claims that he spoke too soon to mercifully end this episode at 21:08. This episode did little for me as it had one awesome MAN-SIZED bump and funny reaction from Darkwing Duck; but it was all the usual "computer becomes monster" plot line that was too dumb to be believable back then; and it's even worse now in hindsight. It also doesn't help that the finish was screwed up and D-2000 got annoying throughout most of it. Call it ** (40%).


Well; what can I say? There was really little to the episode except for the fact that Drake gets a computer from 2011 from SHUSH; Drake loves computer then realizes that the computer is taking over his life and then turns into monster due to bad influences like a soap opera and wants to get revenge for being scorned; Launchpad outsmarts computer and the episode ends. So yeah; just average. Well; the finish was screwed up badly as Launchpad should have been Constant instead of Lucas (it's not like we know Constant enough as a character before LP changed; so why Lucas?) and D-2000 thought Drake was Constant (even though he looks nothing like him), and Victoria's acting on the death scene was lame. And you can tell right away that Business Standards & Practices was really tightening up at this point. Now; I can accept the Thunder Quack having a laser beam that has 1/4 the power of a thunderbolt; but a waffle launcher?! Seriously?! Two years ago; that's a missile launcher. There were guns that sprayed Cheese Whiz on it's victims. Two years ago; that's a bullet shooting gun. Now granted; a cheese whiz gun is really funny and so was a waffle launcher; but it's kind of stupid to do it when earlier episodes of Darkwing Duck showed Honker of all people shooting a bullet shooting rifle on broadcast television no less. I hope that this was a one off thing and not a trend (although seeing the new Disney; it was a slow trend to be sure). And the first half of this episode just didn't do it for me; although I do credit the writers for working the soap opera into the storyline and making it make sense; even though they screwed up the finish as a result. So this was a below average episode that didn't click for me; but I have seen thousands worse than this even in this series; so I won't complain anymore and move on to The Frequency Fiends tomorrow followed by Steerminator on Tuesday. Steerminator is update #499 on my list so next weekend; #500 will be Hot Spells. Might as well make the blacklisted episode #500 on the list. So....

Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time!


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