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Paint Misbehavin'

Reviewed: 09/03/2012

Phoenix Goes Loco On Comic Books...YEAH!!

So we head to the final episode of our Labor Day special with Splatter Phoenix sinking to a new low: Ruining a comic book convention; with Darkwing Duck as the guest of honor. Yippeee! So; let's rant on shall we...

The episode is written by Matt Uitz and story edited by Doug Langdale. Matt started with Richie Rich in 1982 and then proceeded to do the usual 1980's and 1990 cartoons throughout his career. Darkwing Duck is his only DTVA appearance and he has 21 titles to his resume. Mega Man was his final credit. The animation is done by Hanho Heung-Up Company Limited.

We begin this one on a dark & stormy night AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) in the city of Saint Carnard. We go down to floor level and the rain suddenly stops as an old lady duck wearing a brown coat has her purse out and then we go to shadows as a dogperson thief wearing a gray sweater with candy cane sleeves (which is his shirt) and gray pants grabs the purse which somehow adds a strap out of nowhere. We are really falling on the logic scale here and we aren't even a minute in. He also has a black mask (he wishes he were a Beagle Boy) as he demands the old lady to give up the purse; and then the brick wall crumbles to the ground and in comes Hell Scooter Duck. See; he's a modern superhero duck wearing all red with a flaming head and drives a scooter. He's known as Death Scooter Boy as the guy breathes fire and brings out the machine gun lasers (about 10 of them) and is about to fire them...and then we head back to reality (no, not really) to see Gosalyn reading the comic panel. And of course Drake has no concept of privacy as he is standing behind Gosalyn in Darkwing Tower. He calls the comic book trash as Gosalyn claims that she was looking at the pictures. But; doesn't looking at the pictures influence people more than reading it. So Drake grabs the comic book and rips it in two because the comic has no taste. That is so half hearted of you Drake. Drake then brings out a comic book which he claims has a real hero and thus is a real comic. He also jackhammers the point home with the purple aura; and kids today point and laugh at us for bashing their cartoons for doing the same thing. The first comic book is called Captain Virtue and he apparently has punched someone with purple boots. What a homophobe this Captain Virtue fellow is?! Gosalyn calls him a geek and we have one of those childish arguments which makes Drake look incredibly stupid; in part due to his childish nature. At Gosalyn has the excuse of being a child; while Drake has none. This is basically the "my dad can beat your dad"; only it's comic book heroes that no rational person could care about.

So Launchpad breaks it up because Frankie The Ferret & Friends can whip both of their asses any day of the week. HAHA! I actually agree; real anthros are awesome. None of this dognose and duck nonsense that Disney kids loved until they screwed it all up in 1997 and brought the One Saturday Morning Era where almost every show had human characters. You may punch me in the kisser anytime now Chris. Drake blows it off because no one can take those three anthros seriously. Well; we all said on one could take Kit Cloudkicker seriously as a threat, until Plunder and Lightning. Launchpad claims that they have something those superheroes will never have: friend power. HAHA! I see Frankie is a proud member of the Teddy Ruxpin Friendship Society. Drake and Gosalyn dismiss it of course as Drake has no time to argue about comic books. LP asks why and Drake gets all hot under the collar because he's going to a comic book convention. HAHA! Drake recovers and claims that he's the guest of honor too. AWESOME! Quiverwing Quack is back as Drake blocks her way. See; Gosalyn has also been invited as a guest of honor to the show; and she is bringing back Quiverwing Quack out of the mothballs. Drake blows her off because she had one episode and it was mostly his. So what about the Crimson Quackette Drake? I know that episode sucked so badly; it got negative stars, but you cannot say Gosalyn didn't try to save your ass once. Gosalyn invokes the pointy finger of death on Drake's belly. Ummm; that is a serious no-no Gosalyn. So Drake continues to try to run around the fact that Gosalyn is not allowed at the comic book convention; so Gosalyn takes out her sharpener arrow and we have the target which is a pencil on the desk. She fires it and misses it (I see she has the full of herself down to a T now.) as the arrow bounces off the wall and it smacks Drake right in the kisser off-screen. HAHA! It's too bad BS&P is in full effect because I wanted to see it on-screen. We do see Drake pull the pencil sharpener from his beak which is now shaped like a pencil and Gosalyn claims that she almost always hit the mark.

So we head into an alleyway which seems to be rat infested and has a cat eating out of the dumpster. We pan over to an abandoned warehouse and head inside as we see various crappy paintings on canvas as we finally see Splatter Phoenix walking around as she has perfected her new Quantum Mechanical brushes which paint a pocket watch with wings. Geez; I don't understand why Saint Carnard hates her artwork. I know that she's a goth and Mrs. Hardcore and all that; but she does have some refreshing ideas for painting. Anyhow; I notice that her voice is different from the first time I ranted on her. In fact; she sounds familiar, as if I know that voice from somewhere. She sounds like Andrea Martin from SCTV! That's because this Splatter Phoenix is voiced by Andrea Martin and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Soon after graduating from Emerson College, she won a role in a touring company of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. After frequent visits to Toronto, she relocated from New York City to Toronto in 1970 and immediately found steady theater work. In 1972, she played the character of Robin in a Toronto production of Godspell, with a cast that included future comedy stars Gilda Radner, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, singer and actor Victor Garber, and musical director Paul Shaffer. Two of her first prominent film roles were in 1973's Cannibal Girls and then as the bookish sorority sister Phyllis in Black Christmas, another Canadian slasher film from 1974. Two years later, she joined then-unknowns John Candy, Dave Thomas, Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Harold Ramis and Joe Flaherty on the Canadian sketch comedy television series, SCTV, which was set at fictional television station "Second City Television", or SCTV, in Melonville. Martin most notably portrayed leopard-print-wearing station manager Edith Prickley, whose dealings with the staff, including president/owner Guy Caballero, clueless newscaster Earl Camembert, and washed-up actor Johnny LaRue, helped to provide much of the show's humor. Her other memorable characterizations included repressed sexologist Dr. Cheryl Kinsey, insecure self-affirmation guru Libby Wolfson, pidgin-tongued janitress Pirini Scleroso, tone-deaf children's entertainer Mrs. Falbo, Texan curio pitchwoman Edna Boil, and impossibly tight-jeaned Melba, the Disco Queen. Her talent for impersonation was key in her humorous portrayals of such luminaries as Barbra Streisand, Ethel Merman, Arlene Francis, Pauline Kael, Sally Field, Sophia Loren, Beverly Sills, Lynn Redgrave, Linda Lavin, Bernadette Peters, Liza Minnelli, Connie Francis, Mother Teresa, Alice B. Toklas, Patti Smith, Brenda Vaccaro and Indira Gandhi.[11] Her 1970s stage work eventually included the Toronto branch of the improvisational comedy troupe The Second City, a group which produced almost the entire cast of SCTV.

In 1992, she made her Broadway debut in the musical My Favorite Year, for which she won the Tony Award, Theatre World Award, and Drama Desk Award for Best Featured Actress in a Musical. Additional Broadway credits include Candide (1997) and Oklahoma! (2002)—both of which brought her Tony nominations—and Fiddler on the Roof (2005). She appeared in the Broadway premiere of Young Frankenstein (2007) as Frau Blucher, leaving the cast on July 6, 2008.[12] Martin starred alongside Geoffrey Rush and Susan Sarandon in the Broadway revival of Exit the King which played at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre from March 7 to June 14, 2009.[13] She wrote and performed in the critically acclaimed one-woman show Nude, Nude, Totally Nude in Los Angeles and New York City,[14] receiving a 1996 Drama Desk Award for Outstanding One Person Show. Other theater credits include the leads in The Rose Tattoo and Betty's Summer Vacation, both produced at The Huntington Theatre in Boston. Martin has played Wanda the Word Fairy in numerous short segments on Sesame Street She appeared in one episode from Season 5 (1988) titled "UNICEF". Star Trek fans may recognize her as one of two actresses to play Ishka, Quark's iconoclastic mother on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. For her role, she was made up to appear as an older woman although in reality Martin is less than three years older than Armin Shimerman, who played Quark. She only played the role of Ishka once—finding the prosthetics involved to be uncomfortable Martin declined to return, and Cecily Adams was hired to play Ishka in all future appearances. She has won two Emmy Awards for Outstanding Writing in a Variety or Music Program in 1982 and 1983. She has done considerable voice work in such animated film and television productions such as Anastasia, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, The Grim Adventures Of Billy And Mandy, The Simpsons (as Apu's mother), Recess as Lunchlady Harriet, the 1999 version of The Woody Woodpecker Show, Earthworm Jim, Kim Possible, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Brother Bear 2. She also appeared in the 1993 television adaptation of Gypsy starring Bette Midler.

Her many screen credits include Wag the Dog, All I Want for Christmas, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Stepping Out, The Producers, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding, in which she portrayed Aunt Voula, a role she reprised in the short-lived small-screen adaptation. In 2006, she played a major role in the remake of Black Christmas. She played Helaine in the 2009 break-out independent film Breaking Upwards. In the episode titled Pupil, she played an emergency room patient on the Showtime series, Nurse Jackie, which was aired July 27, 2009. In 2012, She provided the voice of Penny in the American Dad episode "Stan's Best Friend". She started as the girl next door in Foxy Lady (does that sound cheesy or what?) in 1971. Darkwing Duck is her DTVA debut and she also appeared in Goof Troop as Mrs. Willoughby, Recess as Lunchlady Harriet and Kim Possible as Mrs. Stoppable. She has 128 acting credits, 43 Self credits, eight writing credits (SCTV series, Winnipeg Comedy Festival, From Cleveland), one production credit and several soundtrack credits. A Larry Dorf/Ben Falcone Project To Be Named Later as Shelli is her most recent credit. Although her roots were in Canada; she was born in Portland, Maine. Which is actually close enough without being a true Canadian. SCTV was awesome by the way; the spot of the television sets getting thrown out the window at the end of the opening is so priceless.

Anyhow; Splatter wants to replace all the boring, bland and safe art with her "daring innovative pseudo anti-neo post modern deconstructionist...stuff." In other words; a painting of Mozart playing video games. Okay; maybe not. Splatter laughs as she will dominate the domain of art; and then gets all dizzy due to the paint fumes. So she proclaims that stage one begins with the lowest form of low brow art ever made: The Hotel Art Auction. And wouldn't you know it, that is used as a segue to outside the auction house as she uses her QM brush to paint pumpkin bellied dogs and helicopter ear cats. She orders them to attack the auction house; but they attack each other and Splatter gets in the middle. FCC FRIENDLY CLOUD DUST FIGHT OF DOOM ensues as Splatter blows them off for attacking her. She paints herself into a slightly new outfit and yells at the pumpkin dogs and helicopter cats to get it right and attack the infidels of art. So we head into the auction as everyone is seated as we head to the stage with the old dogs gambling table painting in the background as this auction is being presided over by Webwa Walters. There is also a kitten with big green eyes tangled up in yarn. Webwa wants to start the bidding; but Splatter jumps on stage and here comes the helicopter cats and pumpkin dogs. And yes; there are three pumpkin dogs (I'm guessing Splatter wanted to hedge her bets and painted a third one off-screen) running into the auction room from the double doors. I would call that a goof; but they are painted from Splatter Phoenix; so I'm going to let that goof slide. Everyone gets chased out of the auction house; except for Webwa Walters who just watches on in shock. Splatter then starts painting the paintings as the gambling dogs are now just gambling dog skeletons and the unicycle clown dogs looks more vicious and has 12 more arms. And the flower pot picture is now a duck head with snakes surrounding the head.

So goes over to Webwa and demands today's auction earning and Webwa no sells that bill of good. Splatter proclaims that flattery will get her no where; not even realizing that she wasn't trying to mimic Splatter in the first place. So she tries to sic the animals on her; but they attack Splatter Phoenix again and we have the FCC FRIENDLY CLOUD DUST FIGHT OF DEATH again. Okay; why are the writers making Splatter look dumb? So we segue to outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR as she is in front of the last national bank. Needless to say; she hates the buildings for being monotonous in nature and paints bat wings on herself and flies around the bank tower splattering paint and causing the building to twist and have cheese holes in it. Speaking of goofs; in a few shots, she goes into shadow completely and then in the next five or six frames later she returns to her normal self. Oh; and she steals sacks of money from the bank in case you didn't notice. So we scene change to the convention center as there are spotlights and denizens of Saint Carnard waiting outside as Launchpad, Gosalyn and Drake arrive at the back of the line. And yes; Gosalyn and Drake are wearing their superhero costumes. Launchpad proclaims that this line is bigger than the one for Winky's political discussion on the industrial/political whatever complex he was talking about. Geez; even this cartoon is mocking today's entertainers on their politics. Drake proclaims that this always happens when he's the star of the show. Gosalyn ribs him because we look up at the billboard and it shows Quiverwing Quack and Darkwing Duck and Gosalyn gets the large picture; while Drake gets the tiny picture. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Want to eat your Zorro hat now Drake? I hear it taste good on Tuesdays. Drake calls this some kind of mistake; and Gosalyn proclaims that they are tired of Darkwing Duck and want the cutting edge Quiverwing Quack. Drake gets on the conveniently placed box and we cut the promo smokeless at 6:57...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the pencil that breaks from signing too many autographs. I am... {The denizens of Saint Carnard stampede stage left and MURDER Drake into...} street pizza.

HAHA! And in the least surprising moment of this episode; they flock to sign autographs from the Quiverwing Quack. It appears a few of them are from Cleaniness is Next to Badiness too as the pig fury goes all Velma on us. Drake blows them off as computer geeks. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Drake? And another one from the Ammonia Pine/Stealbeak episode arrives to trample Drake again as apparently; the tall duck with red hair has a twin to boot. And the other one is wearing a cape. And both of them want to sign autographs with Launchpad. Now that's even funnier as half of Drake's body goes flatter than my sex life. I am glad that the writers have finally realized that no one likes Drake anymore because his routine is older than moldy bread at this point. One of the fans even asks what Gizmo Duck is really like and Drake is completely flustered with gritting teeth. So we return to a building as Splatter Phoenix defaces....ERRRR...I mean; saves another work of art in the name of Mr. Hardcore. She also wipes out one of the pipes a dog was smoking and turns the family into bugs with television sets on their heads. Now there is a rib on critics of television if I ever saw one. Splatter then turns around and sees the horror, OH THE HORROR as she is about 100 feet away from the convention center. See; the comic book is everything against what she stands for and she is going to wipe comic books out from the face of the earth. Oh joy! Splatter Phoenix = Mr. Hardcore's ultimate role model. If she sets the convention center on fire and tries to throw one of the denizens into the fire then we have proof that Sean Malstrom stole half of his "Washing the Hardcore Away" story from this episode. Which isn't much of a shock considering that he liked the Disney Afternoon games on NES. And really; how can you argue with that one?

So we scene change to inside as we pan over to see Drake sitting on the stage sulking. Both Launchpad fans come over and blow off Drake as yesterday news before walking off. HAHA! Drake is getting really pissy at this point as Launchpad comes in having about 100 comic books. Apparently; it takes thousands of comics of Captain Virtue to get just one Death Scooter comic. Drake is not happy about that at all. After all; Captain Virtue is his idol. Well Drake; virtue is sort of religious and kids these days hate religion being shoved down their throats. They see it as a form of projection for their own vices. Launchpad turns around and notices a duck in a Frankie Ferret costume signing autographs with the kids as LP gets all excited and throws the comic books away and they create a tomb to bury Darkwing Duck for good. No, not really; he only gets bopped in the head. Let me guess; someone accused Disney of brainwashing a child into suffocating when it was doing that spot in real life? Yeah; I thought so. Launchpad yanks on the costume tail of Frankie and Frankie turns around to greet and meet. Drake sulks some more as Gosalyn comes in and wants a pencil since her pencil broke from signing too many autographs. SCORE! See; make the joke and then pay it off. Drake gives her a pencil while acting all pissy as usual. He claims that heroes do not make on fans and signing autographs alone. Maybe not; but it does make a good living for professional wrestlers. And baseball players. And in the big window; we see a machine with a toaster on his head. Yes! The Toaster Head Chess Player that owned Drake in Beauty & Beet is back to really checkmate Drake now! Splatter Phoenix is such a genius. No wonder Mr. Hardcore loved her so much. Okay; it's only a pink gorilla. Gosalyn pulls on Drake as she wants to bail; but Drake takes it as weaseling out of the discussion. Gosalyn claims that it's a toaster headed pink gorilla and Drake no sells. Until it opens the roof and shows itself. HAHA! Gosalyn bails; and Drake tries to flee; but gets street pizza'ed once again. HAHA!

Drake can only say ouch and Gosalyn gleefully mocks Drake for that one. Drake blows it off because no one steps on Darkwing Duck as we see the toaster head gorilla (who seems to have lost much of his height and weight since the first shot of him) and Drake gets squashed like Alexander The Grape. NYUK! NYUK! NYUK! As they say: Toaster Headed Pink Gorillas are the exception to the rule Drake Mallard. So Drake pops up from the carnage and invokes the grappling hook gun on the toaster and makes it timber. Wait; should Drake get shocked at least since he stuck the metal into the toaster slots to begin with? Anyhow; it falls and misses Drake by about eight feet. Drake is full of himself and knocks on toaster. So the big ass toast flies out and squashes Drake into the wall. HAHA! Never screw with a toaster that has a pink gorilla's body on it. It's the LAW OF MODERN ART~! Or something like that. I just realized that the body of this pink gorilla looks like a defurred Wooly Whats-It. So Quiverwing brings out the firecracker arrows and rope and fires it tying up the creature with it and it falls; making sure it squashes Drake again in spite of the yellow hard hat which went out of nowhere and went about the same place. HAHA! Drake pops from the carnage as his body is in the hard hat and is only walking with his feet. He pops off the helmet to get himself back to normal and everyone cheers Gosalyn on stage because she's cool and Drake is absolute zero now. Drake is mad as hell because he took the pain and she got the gain. Well; she was the one who stopped the gorilla; so suck it up suckwad and LIKE IT! And then someone yells as we see Splatter Phoenix with paintbrush in hand stealing the sack of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Drake sees this as a job for him to do as he gets in front of Splatter Phoenix and Splatter calls him the defender of the tasteless. Of course he is Splatter; he is tasteless. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...

So Drake brings out the gas gun and wants Splatter to suck gas; but Gosalyn gets in front of Drake and threatens with the arrow. And they get into a one upping contest on who should shoot the fatal shot. I was hoping that one of the fans would say: "This Darkwing Duck is so childish even Quiverwing acts like an adult."; but I know it won't happen. We cannot have kids admitting that the adults are stupid; otherwise the moral guardians will invoke the Children's Television to ruin us all; and the new kids will simply point, laugh, blow off these classics as dead and continue watching Gravity Falls and Motorcity. Not that there is anything wrong with those two shows; other than Motor city is all style and no substance; while Gravity Falls is all substance, but little style. So Splatter simply does the smartest move a villain can do in these situations: leave the scene. Launchpad comes in to break it up because Splatter is getting away. Yeah; she sure is LP. And you did nothing...AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING to stop her. So we scene change to the streets as Drake is using his magnifying lens of death to search for clue. Launchpad and Gosalyn follow as Drake is looking down when he should looking up at the pocket watches with wings. Gosalyn claims that it's a clue; but since Drake is REALLY STUPID, it doesn't count. Drake does his voice over of doom just to annoy me before finally seeing that it's a flying pocket watch. Everyone follows the watches which is a sure sign that Splatter Phoenix is luring them into a trap. Even LP points out the obvious to us; but Drake doesn't look where he is going and blows LP off. And then he gets chomped by a machine like crocodile. HAHA! Drake wants a car jack right now; so Gosalyn shoots the arrow which has the car jack attached to it. Drake grabs it; but the crocodile eats him. HAHA! Apes of Wrath; I'm just saying guys.

So Drake uses the carjack on the jaw to counter and jumps off proclaiming that no stupid crocodile tank is going to stop him. And then he gets surrounded by four stupid crocodile tanks. HA! Logic break: Even though there are four tanks; Drake proclaims that three of them might stop him. So only two tanks should have been seen; or Jim Cummings line should have been redubbed. Disney has redubbed lines for much more moronic reasons; so why not this one since fixing it would lop off the logic break? Drake gets surrounded and that ends the segment almost 12 minutes in. Yeap; this is another great start in a series of them for season two. In spite of the BS&P'ing...

After the commercial break; we continue with the four crocodile tanks that Drake thinks there are three chomping at the bit to chomp on Drake as Drake is begging for mercy and I doubt Splatter will give him any. So the crocodile tanks blitz Drake and we have the third FCC FRIENDLY CLOUD DUST FIGHT OF DOOM in this episode alone. I don't know how TaleSpin avoided this throughout most of the series; but they managed to. So Drake uses the grappling hook to escape while Gosalyn tries to fire the net arrow; but it slips and the arrow shoots into the air and catches LP and Gosalyn in the net. Gosalyn calls it a bit defective. Something tells me Drake had something to do with this. The crocodile tanks stalk LP and Gosalyn as we cut to Drake who roped himself against a white blimp. He then does the dumbest thing possible: Cut a full of himself promo. Guess what happens next? Just guess. Yeah; he hit the brick wall and managed to loosen a few brick. Insert Iori's laugh here. And the whole building tumbles down and squashes the tanks for good measure as Drake is buried in a brick tomb. HAHA! Drake pops up from the carnage and cuts another full of himself promo which Gosalyn gleefully counters getting death reference #3 or 4 depending on what mood I was in. So Drake and Gosalyn trade blow offs and to Gosalyn: What does reading Captain Virtue have to do with the fact that your net arrow was defective? You sound like a fringe Republican. Drake blows her off as we get death reference #5 (all but one reference to death so far is on Death Scooter) and then recoils. He then proclaims that there is room for more than one superhero and they shouldn't fight right now because there is a lunatic painter who is giving Mr. Hardcore ideas and cannon fodder for Malstrom.

Anyhow; they decide to shake hands on it and then Launchpad notices a trail of paint heading to an alleyway that looks like crap in terms of artwork. Which means the next spot is for Gosalyn and Drake to run and splat into the wall of painting. I check the video...Damn; I'm good. It's nice to see Gosalyn sell that bump too. Launchpad pops Drake from the wall as he proclaims that this is going to be a long and painful day. Oh come on guys! It's clearly nighttime for goodness sake. Do we now have to stoop to 4Kids BS&P now? So we head to the abandoned warehouse where Splatter Phoenix's hideout is and we have Quiverwing Quack calling out Splatter Phoenix at the side door. Drake blocks the door and proclaims that this won't work because this is the 65th art studio (yeah; an abandoned art studio that looks like a warehouse, real bland Drake!) and they need to return to Darkwing Tower to use the computer. Gosalyn calls Drake a doofus. SCORE! Remember that Doofus' last name is Drake. See; make the joke and then pay it off. Gosalyn thinks Splatter is in the art studio; and the window shows that she is painting something. Gosalyn proclaims that she's right and he's wrong (and she's right in this case) and tries to motion to Drake to return to Darkwing Tower. However; Drake see Splatter in the window and blows off Gosalyn for cheating him. Ummm; yeah. You do that ALL THE TIME when she saves someone. Drake claims that she thought she could pull the wool over her eyes. Gosalyn calls this a good idea and pulls Drake's Zorro hat down over his eyes. HAHA! Gosalyn shoves Drake and opens the door as Launchpad helps Drake with the hat and gleefully sums up Gosalyn in a nutshell.

So the GANG OF GAG enters the art studio as Gosalyn and Drake have arrows and gas gun set to profits and they fire them; missing Splatter by a country mile and knocking over a pile of paint cans which somehow entomb Launchpad. Well; that was certainly awkward. Splatter calls them a bunch of miserable miscreants. Ah; I see Splatter has mastered the art of projection. Sadly; Drake has not since he does the three times fast promo before Splatter paints the pumpkin dogs and helicopter cats. So Drake and Gosalyn bring out the out of nowhere PAINT THINNER OF DEATH and splash some on the cloths and they rub the pumpkin dogs and helicopter cats out of existence. Drake then calls her Splatter Puss. Considering that she is female Drake is one lousy rotten sexist. And of course Drake and Gosalyn go beak to beak and blow each other off because it was their idea. HAHA! I'm with Gosalyn on this one because Drake is a man child who should know better that he's old and stale. And then the tentacles of death grab both arguing babyfaces as we have the Octo-Bunny. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She murdered Super Bunny! YOU BASTARD! So Launchpad pops from the carnage (and the paint cans are a lot more detailed this time) and he whines about missing the fight again; but the tentacles assures him that he didn't. Gosalyn and LP have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the sidekick convention. Splatter waves farewell to the peons as they are going to the canvas in the sky. Drake brings out the plunger gun and shoots for the paint thinner; but cannot get the thing open. So Gosalyn offers her Swiss Army Knife Arrows and they actually work together to get the thing open and Drake pours the paint thinner onto the Octo-Bunny and it melts away dead.

Splatter Phoenix blows them off as critics. HA! Just wait until Malice Restaurant and you'll see a real "critic" in action. One who hates everything. So Splatter bails and Drake goes after her and calls her a bohemian bozo. So Splatter paints him into an Andy Warhol original. HAHA! Mistaken indeed Drake. Launchpad comes over as Drake invokes the grappling hook on a tree and swings to grab the paint brush and paints himself into Captain Virtue with Drake's head just to make him look like an abomination. You just knew he had to do that payoff at some point; like a vain full of himself mallard. And here comes the toaster Wooly Whats It to grab Captain Full Of Himself Mallard. HAHA! This actually ends the segment almost sixteen minutes in. Well Drake; you wanted to be your hero and you suck at it. What a surprise?!

After the commercial break; we continue with Drake getting squeeze by the Toaster Headed Pink Gorilla of Death as Drake tries to invoke the blue paintbrush (wait; wasn't the paint purple?) and the pink gorilla slaps the brush away and it lands in front of Splatter Phoenix. Gosalyn taunts Drake if he wants some help and Drake blows her off as the pink gorilla lets go of Drake and he falls on his ass. Splatter then runs in and paints Drake into a crippled old lady sitting in a chair. HAHA! Drake now pleas for help as Gosalyn runs in, steals the brush and paints herself as Death Scooter. Like we should be surprised by this; since they set up the whole thing with the "my comic book can beat up your comic book" spot at the beginning of the episode. So Gosalyn brings out the big laser guns (of course) and we shoot lasers as somehow we see THWWI pop toast from his head and it gets shot into crumbs as Drake is forced to stop selling and dodge them. Gosalyn then tells that it's time to get funky, monkey. Oh lord; that was lame since it's NOT a monkey to begin with and quit cribbing Dusty Rhodes for ideas on promo cutting. He's a tub of lard anyway. We shoot a hole in the ground and THPG (yeah; I'm interchanging between Pink Gorilla and Wooly Whats-It here; so shoot me. It's not like Wooly isn't more than a pink gorilla anyway) sinks into hell. Well; he has suffered a better fate than the orange version of him in Fluppy Dogs.

So Gosalyn shoots and the bricks fall onto the hole to entomb the THWWI and Drake brings out the gas gun and demands that the Ducky Da Vinci surrender right now or suck gas. Splatter no sells as she steals the paintbrush from Gosalyn and paints Drake into a slimy mess. HAHA! Gosalyn does the standard "you cannot get away with this because the hero always wins promo" and Splatter actually does the one spot that every heel should do when this promo is cut: She paints a superhero called Surreal Man. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll leave his design as an exercise to the reader. Gosalyn mocks it which is the dumbest thing you can do when this happens as Splatter wants to get surreal and Surreal Man throws his umbrella at Gosalyn and it goes up like in the wind; and eats Gosalyn; chews her up and spits her out as she's Quiverwing Quack again. HAHA! No one messes with Surreal Man. No one. Except for Sean Malstrom. So Launchpad runs in from behind and dumps a can of yellow paint on Splatter Phoenix's head and steals the brush. Now in any other sane universe; this would be the finish; but we still have four and a half minutes left in this thing and thus it's time to do the only thing when the plot line is too thin to hold 22 minutes. So it's time to invoke Cartoon Duck Syndrome because this world is not sane.

So Launchpad unpaints Drake and then somehow changes the paint to brown as he paints Frankie The Ferret. What; none of his friends LP? That's pretty sloppy as Frankie and Launchpad invoke friend power. So Frankie goes over to Surreal Man and uses the FINGER OF FRIENDSHIP to stop the umbrella and asks if he wants to be friends with him. We get hearts and Surreal Man actually sells it. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT should end the episode right there. But it won't because DUCKZ RULEZ and BEARZ DROOLZ~! Funny how after 20+ years; people have finally figured out what a con these writers pulled on us when people actually think through what they are watching instead of absorbing it. Which explains why moral guardians hated cartoons. If they absorb these cartoons; the churches will be forced to compete against them and if there is one thing religions don't like is that have their contexts and beliefs challenged. With the possible exception of Jedi-ism and the Flying Pasta Monster. They just don't care if they are taken seriously or not. So Surreal Man and Frankie walk out hand in hand as Launchpad goes over to the superheroes and asks about the lesson. Drake and Gosalyn get it even if Gosalyn thinks it's still gross. Drake sums it up nicely for me as Splatter finally gets the paint can off her head and the GANG OF GAG stalks her. So Splatter finds the paint brush and paints more pumpkin dogs and helicopter cats. And she accuses US of repetitive art? So it's time to get dangerous as the dogs and cats chase and miss; then loop around and then Gosalyn and Drake grab the helicopter cats and uses the props to MURDER the dogs. Then Gosalyn invokes her hand arrow and fires it to grab the paint brush from Splatter. Oh lord; they really are going to bury her for good for the next three minutes or so.

So Drake runs in and paints a steel cage as Splatter pleads for mercy. Mercy? From Drake? Why don't you ask Bushroot about it since he keeps getting buried by Drake all the time? So much so; he never appears in season three at all. So the pumpkin dogs somehow live on (I thought they were turned into mush?) as Gosalyn fires the glue arrow and sticks the dogs on the floor. So Splatter sees the conveniently placed paint thinner canister (sigh) and cannot reach it as Gosalyn fires a triple plunger arrow on the helicopter and Launchpad has to grab her to prevent her from flying away since the cats are flying through the top of the glass roof. So we twirl around the cats for a while as Splatter finally grabs the paint thinner and sprays it on the cage. She then runs out with the paint thinner as a pumpkin dog is caught with a butterfly net. Launchpad notices Splatter getting away so Drake tries to invoke the Gas Gun; but it dies on him. HAHA! Gosalyn decides to step in (because they are bonding see) with the rocket arrows; but both superheroes fly away stage left as we see Splatter running in the street and of course Gosalyn and Drake cut her off. Yes; Splatter is officially getting buried. Right when they gave her a much better voice actress too. Damn you white male privilege! So Drake rolls up the sleeves and wants to MURDER her; but she blows him off because BS&P RULEZ~! Yeah right sister. I've seen enough male on female contact spots in this and other series to know that this is bullcrap. Drake goes into melodramatics about it; and then gives the honor of burying Splatter to Gosalyn. Well; she's the better one to do it I guess as she does the dropkick on Splatter and the paint thinner goes into the air; sprays all over Splatter Phoenix and she melts to death. Splatter just doesn't act here and sighs before finally melting into a steaming pile of black goo.

Splatter ends her career claiming that her art has increased in value since she is dead and really; she has a point if anyone know what artwork is about. Drake blows her off and this case is solved..ERRR...I mean dissolved. Gruffi poses abound because Drake is being full of himself. Drake recoils and finally shakes hands with Gosalyn for real. And then they grit teeth because this is not going to last long. So we then bring out the OUT OF NOWHERE table and chairs and we do an arm wrestling competition. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! If you ever want to see a CDS episode; this ending would be it. Launchpad rolls his eyes and we return to the convention and into the theater as Launchpad is pondering over something. See; Splatter was made out of paint and paint thinner killed her. So; LP deduces that everyone in Saint Carnard is ink and paint. Also called the Roger Rabbit Effect. No Rhinokey joke here because I'm serious about this. Drake blows him off because it will only drive him nuts as they are going to announce the superhero of the year. So a dognose with balding hair and wearing brown arrives on stage in partial shadow (which is a nice touch) announces the superhero as the one who stopped Splatter Phoenix from murdering comic books everywhere. Drake and Gosalyn stand on their seats and the winner is......


Perfect ending right there; I just wish they didn't pad it for some arm wrestling match that went nowhere. They should have just let them go back to the convention and pump themselves up with vanity. It's Frankie The Ferret in case you didn't notice. Gosalyn and Drake prat fall on the floor with their faces and that ends the episode at 21:03. Mistakes and a really lame finish that officially buried one of the better characters in the series aside; this episode was awesome as I expected it to be. **** 1/2 (90%). And a hearty SCREW YOU to Drake and Gosalyn for killing her literally and heat wise. I hate it when someone gets buried like that. Reggie can atest to that fact too.


So we end the Labor Day special with another great outing from Splatter Phoenix. Yes; I enjoyed Splatter Phoenix's character despite the fact that this would be a real damaging characteristic in real life since much of her work is really niche to put it nicely. I also loved the Gosalyn/Drake "my comic book can beat your comic book" angle because it fits them so well. Gosalyn is a child and Drake is a geek with no life; it's only fitting that there would be a collision between the two. I loved Surreal Man and how he got defeated too; which should have been the end of the episode; but again, it got marred with three minutes of burying Splatter Phoenix; or melting her in this case. I just found that silly when Splatter was a great character as a heel. Well; it probably doesn't matter now since the show is on it's way out. And the whole "you cannot hit a woman on DTVA" is total bull crap guys. We've seen it enough times to be such. Also; there was the usual Hanho mistakes and logic breaks; a Jim Cummings mistake (how could they miss that?) and the whole arm wrestling thing was tacked on at the last minutes just to give the rivalry heat it didn't need. So overall; a great episode that should have gotten full marks; but didn't due to mistakes and padding that did nothing.

Well; we are down to the final three episodes left: Mutancy On The Bouncy, Malice Restaurant and Extinct Possibility. Malice is the final appearance of Morgana and NegaDuck; and the other two I don't really care about. I'll do Malice Restaurant first, followed by Mutancy On The Bouncy and then Extinct Possibility to end the series proper. It's incredible that this season has been a really good one so far. Let's see if we go out with a bang and not a wimper. So....

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time!


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