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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - Take Me To Your Leader
Reviewed: 06/21/2014
Ummm...No.
So finally; I have decided to rant on Mighty Ducks full time for the summer because I picked two series that I can review the entire series of both within the alloted time that I have. So I have for the next two weeks decided to select the six episodes at random to do; because the continuity in this show is bad enough that doing them self-contained makes more sense. So I picked episode #8 first to rant on as Dragonous steals a power core from a bunch of aliens leading to Wildwing quitting on the team; a giant flytrap monster engulfing Anaheim and Guy Hebert appearing for real. Oh; that is so logical and sensical. NOT! Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by David Wise. There is no story editor; which explains a lot of the writing and booking decision on this particular episode. Additional animation services were provided by Animal-Ya; so I'm going to hazard a guess and say Walt Disney Animation Japan as the main studio since storyboards seem to be done in Japan.
We begin this one somewhere in Anheim with a shot of an "apartment building". Scare quotes intentional because we hear Siege indicating that the sensors have picked up on something. We head inside the control as on the computer screen there is a space ship approching Earth. Siege claims that it has a neutronian core. It looks like a weird shaped airplane as Dragonous senses victory because the core can give them the stuff to repair the Raptorous; prompting Wraith to point out that their ship is stranded. At least this time; he doesn't automatically kill the incentive to watch the show thirty seconds in. Dragonous is steamed because the babyfaces have screwed him up you see. Dragonous proclaims that the babyfaces have the Aerowing and can bring down the spaceship; so he yells for Chameleon. So we head to underneath the Arrowhead Pond; with a white door sliding open to reveal Duke L'Orange, Tanya and Wildwing wearing his mask for no reason at all. So we have a long sequence of them walking while Duke and Tanya basically tell him that they have not come close to capturing Dragonous; which Wildwing wishes that he was pulled into the dimension wormhole instead of Canard and I'm thinking: who cares who got pulled? I don't think Canard would have had any more success capturing Dragonous than you because if you capture Dragonous, then the series is finished. Duke proclaims that Canard had his reasons for giving Wildwing the mask; then suddenly the computer screen fizzles in and there is...Canard hanging on for dear life? Wearing a red piece of duct tape on his beak? This has to be an obvious setup here as Wildwing is yelling at Canard to tell him where he is and Canard proclaims that he is in the mountains and then the signal goes dead. Just like this series in general. So Mallory comes in as Wildwing is convinced that Canard is alive and well; while Mallory asks if he scanned him with the mask; and Wildwing proclaims that it doesn't work because it's only an image. So the mask cannot scan images? What a useless object that thing is?!
I discover that the wrist communicators have homing signals which Wildwing takes as evidence that it is Canard; when it is clearly not because Chameleon has a wrist communicator which I had seen in The Final Faceoff. Also; Townsend Coleman is not voicing in this episode; so it's clearly Chameleon in his shape-shifting disguise. So they use their wrist communicators to locate the mountains on a typographic map; and then we get the CGI launch sequence which has really good animation. Probably the only thing that makes Teddy Ruxpin look bad at this point. Then a CGI flying puck spirals directly into the hard camera and we scene change to the Aerowing in the air and Nosedive is the only one who thinks that this is a trap. You know this group is so lame when the comedy man can see right through this deception; and Wildwing is blowing him off because his best friend is there. So we are in the mountain region which looks like a national park somewhere in California; because it looks way too safe and there is a rope bridge nearby. So the Aerowing lands; and the underbelly opens to allow the babyfaces to exit the ship. They run onto the rope bridge and then stop in the middle of it because they hear Canard's voice. The babyface turn to a convenienly placed mountain side as we see Canard is happy to see them; and then instantly touches his wrist communicator to turn into Chameleon barely three minutes in. Whatever guys; it's not like anyone was convinced that it was really Canard to begin with. When the comedy guy notices this is a trap; it is a DAMN TRAP~! Talk about self-fulfilling prophecies on your part Wildwing! The laser gun gets pulled out as Siege comes in out of nowhere and they both fire at the rope bridge which destroys the rope bridge. The babyface freefall as Duke brings out the L'Orange grappling hook with sword and makes it stick to the wall. The babyfaces all swing like Tarzan; and then for no reason whatsoever, the thing lets go and all the babyfaces freefall and land hard onto the ground beside the river. What a bunch of idiots?! Siege and Chameleon seize the ship; as Chameleon gets into the cockpit acting like a hair band rocker from the 1970's.
This wasn't funny as they buckle up and Siege brought the smallest fuzzy dice imaginable. Why? Don't ask me; I don't know who is booking this crap. Seriously; I don't know who is writing this episode. He hangs them up and we fly into the sky as Chameleon mimics mission control. To mission control: This episode makes me feel drunk! It goes into space which to me is a bad move because if they want to get to the space ship that they want; why go there now when you don't know if the Aerowing is fully prepared. Sure; it's not a big deal, but it makes the heels looked rushed even though they beat the babyfaces and got what they wanted almost four minutes in. So we cut back to the "apartment building" as we head inside to the control panel with Dragonous sitting on the throne and blowing off Chameleon for acting like a goofball since the alien ship is in range. So we head to said space ship; and then inside as we have grey skinned aliens with brains wearing lavender spacesuit with red and grey trin. They look similar to that movie which it's name escapes me at the moment. The first one we see sounds like Professor Nimbel from Rescue Rangers; so my count he is Zork. The other one is named Flork as he is a thin shaped grey alien as he is blowing off Zork for whining about being out of the usual space route. We then see in the back of the ship various plants under glass. Why does Dragonous want a ship with a bunch of plants in it?! Anyhow; the aliens wants to win the intergalatic space plants challenge, which I don't care about. Zork complains about the natives not being friendly; but Flork blows him off. We then cut to the Aerowing in space shooting a blue laser at the spaceship; which is a direct hit complete with the underbelly smoking. HA! The alien ship spirals down towards Earth and crashes without suffering much damage at all. The Aerowing lands as the babyfaces use their grappling hooks to climb up the abyss. Wildwing checks his wrist watch and it's still beeping. He complains about the Aerowing being captured and then bails to get his jetpack or something.
The heels enter the back of the ship as the aliens are knocked out cold in the ship; and they have changed from grey to purple on the pan shot. Chameleon grabs a case of a flower as he does his Three Stooges impression of shooting down the flower shop; which did make me chuckle. Siege turns around and leaves wanting to find the Nutronian Core; and then we cut to outside with the babyfaces gliding on rocket skates. And then we do the puck scene changer of doom barely five seconds later. What was the point of that?! We return back to the ship as Siege has a light blue crystal like substance which looks like an ice pop. Siege turns on the wrist communicator and Dragonous is on (complete with waves) going on and on about the core on his throne chair back at the control panel. Dragonous then notices a Altronian Creeper plant (which looks like a regular Venus Flytrap) in the background under glass. Dragonous basically tells them to take it because it could be useful. Puck scene changer of doom ensues and we head outside with Siege and Chameleon walking to the Aerowing. This isn't bad booking since even though they have what they want; they need to keep the babyfaces from getting it back and using it against them. Siege wants to enjoy a free joyride in the Aerowing; but they get cut off at the pass by the babyfaces. Wildwing proclaims that the flight has been canceled; and they fire on the heels with pale fire hockey pucks. Yes; there are SIX babyfaces firing on TWO heels; and only one of them can fight properly. Chameleon and Siege use their wrist communicators to escape of course as Wildwing is relieved about this moment and wants to go back into the Aerowing because he's put the team in danger too much today. Regardless of how stupid the booking is in this show; it's nice to know that Wildwing is not a scoiopath. Anyhow; Zork and Flork wake up looking bewildered inside their ship; and then get out of the ship and notice the Areowing; which if you recall, shot them down. Uh Oh! I think we all know where this is going now...
So the engines of the Aerowing start and it flies away without incident. Flork proclaims that they must persue them at once. I should also note that they have changed from lavander skinned to grey skinned again, for no rhyme nor reason. Scene changer ensues and we head to the Arrowhead Pond as we head back underground as Wildwing takes off the mask and puts it on the control panel. He switches it off and then quits just like that. Seriously; he just quits the team completely. I realize that your success rate to capturing Dragonous is zero; but your success rate in preventing him from being the ruler of the Earth is a 100% success! That is no grounds for quitting the team. What a coward?! And mind you; this is episode #8 of the series. If he did this near the end of the series; this would mean something in storyline as it's Wildwing just cannot buy a break. But it's too early; so it renders him into a weak willed dork who cannot handle the pressure (which is a hell of a way to build up your #1 babyface). Nosedive is not happy to hear this at all as Wildwing walks out of the Arrowhead Pond feeling upset; but Duke has the Gruffi pose and doesn't seem to care about this at all. Duke proclaims that they cannot tell him what to do; which could have been a neat angle to set up a possible takeover of the leadership by Duke. However; I'm certain nothing will come out of it. Wildwing sulks outside and then just simply proclaims that he cannot be leader; but is NOT quitting the team. Wait; what?! So he tries to run back in; but Zork and Flork cut him off and put on some emerald necklace which causes Wildwing to float helplessly in midair; which is the first neat spot of the episode almost seven minutes in! So we head back to the "apartment building" with Dragonous at his throne room with the WII ICE POP OF DOOM talking to Siege about the core getting the Raptorous airborne. Sadly; in order to recharge the airship; they have to turn everything off, including the cloaking device.
Which begs the question: Why would you use such a thing in the first place; if it assures that you are screwed? Sadly; Wraith doesn't come to point out how doomed this plan is.Dragonous is not caring about getting spotted because the babyfaces will be too busy to notice; and so we begin the process with an outside shot as the "apartment building" finally turns into the Raptorous with the beak pointing up like a phillac symbol. Then we head into the park as Chameleon appears out of nowhere with the Altronian Creeper under glass as he proclaims that he must change into a disguise that doesn't blow his cover. So he transforms into the Gedo fashion sense version of a clown. That made me laugh. So he opens the glass and plants the Altronian Creeper in the dirt. The Creeper grows in about 20 seconds flat and it's vines grab Gedo Clown and hoist him up into the air. However; Gedo Clown has it's wrists free; so he uses the wrist communicator to teleport out. The AC grows and grows and grows as it grabs cars and building while destroying streets. Yawn. So we end with a far shot of the plant wrapping itself around a building which ends the segment exactly eight minutes in. Well; at least this episode isn't completely stupid like Final Faceoff is; but I have a hunch that we are going to replay Halycon/Goliath whine session again since this plotline seems to be channeling a really bad Gargoyles angles now.
After the commercial break; we head back into headquarters as Mallory has the mask in her lap; as Nosedive and Duke are sitting down together exhanging notes about their "fearless" leader quitting the team just like that. We also see Tanya and Grin sitting down with the babyfaces as Grin proclaims that Wildwing must find out where his true karma lies. You wish you were Master Splinter Grin as Phil Palmfeather runs in from the sliding doors in a panic because his hockey team is in dire straights since they cannot play with only five players. Ummm; so in this world; which is supposed to be the real world, hockey is played with six players on the ice. Even though in real hockey; it's supposed to be five-on-five; which means five players aside; which they STILL have. How can anyone like this show with a straight face? How can anyone NOT see this obvious logic break?! This only serves to having Phil being cheaper than dirt itself because he won't pay for an extra player; even though in real life; he DOESN'T NEED TO! Just make Grin the goaltender then. How can anyone get the puck in the net with him in net?! They are acting like this is a big deal; but it's not! Anyhow; this leads to Phil to voluteer his services as the extra man on the ice; which is absolutely pointless. Sad; because Phil Palmfeather would be a riot in this setup, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. So they ask about his hockey experience and naturally; Phil admits that he sucks at it. Apparently; he confuses hockey with hokey. Again; how did he become a lawyer?! How can you pass the BAR exam looking and acting all chumy like that? Phil doesn't think this will be hard; and Nosedive is happy to oblige. Then we scene change to the rink as Phil Palmfeather is dressing up like Grin in the colors of the Mighty Ducks hockey team while invoking the VOICEOVER OF DOOM which is actually funnier than when DARKWING...DUCK does it! YAY! This is the best moment in the series right there: Phil Palmfeather trying to be a hockey player and failing for my pleasure. So all the babyfaces slap shot puck at him; and he successfully defends about 85% of them; and all the pucks disappear on cue. Sigh.
Phil drops to his belly and takes the mask off like a moron gasping for air as he gets back up; and Nosedive tackles him from the side (which would be a suspension if this were today in the real world) and clobbers him into the boards. This was AWESOME! So Phil's face is smack into the glass as Nosedive demands that he get a replacement goalie and Phil agrees to it like the coward that he is. So we scene change to the stands as Phil is on his cell phone talking about some jabornai named Guy Hibbert. Now if you were watching the Anaheim Mighty Ducks NHL hockey team during this time; you would know who this goaltender is. I'll keep it as a secret for now. The ducks are doing their practice runs as Phil cannot pronounce Guy's name and then acts like an American Idiot by yelling: "They play hockey in Canada?!".
Phineas: Yes. Yes they do Phil.
Nosedive does a wicked slapshot which I was hoping that the one defending the net was Grin; but they cut away as we return to a sky shot of the space ship with Zork and Flork entering into the cockpit. Wildwing is floated into the ship and dropped near a box as Zork and Flork are demanding him to ask the guidance system which Wildwing asks if they could do it themselves, because Wildwing is supposed to be absolutely useless. Now at this point; it would be a smart move to tell them that he has Mallory who is an expert repair duck, who could be of great help in fixing the thing. However; I betcha he won't even try to point that out because Wildwing is supposed to be useless to do anything. Zork blows it off because they hate getting their hands dirty. So they are considered heels in this storyline even though they are suppose to be babyfaces. And then we start channeling Goliath/Halycon Renard from Outfoxed; which I hate with an absolute passion. Even worse; at least in Outfoxed, Goliath was an accessory to Demona destroying Halycon's defense ship. Here; the ship caused the destruction; which we know none of the babyfaces were in. Even worse; we know Mallory is a great inventor (or is supposed to be according to her gimmick), so why not just say: "Okay; Dragonous caused this; but since my ship was developed by Mallory, let me call her and have her fix your ship."? No one wants to see people whine about who is responsible for something! We want to see people owe up to being responsible and fixing the damn problem; even if it ends up making things worse. They just find new ways of screwing everything up in this series; and then they are surprised that it never got over. Hell; they cannot even get even the basic rules of hockey right in this series. Screw this show to hell! Oh; and the aliens are now light blue skinned; thus they have had THREE color changes in almost ten minutes. Zork is pissed off; so he uses the screw driver like remote control and it forces Wildwing to get to work in opening the wooden box; which apparently is where the guidance system is found. Flork is blowing off Zork for acting like a jackass; and Zork blows him off in kind.
More whining from Wildwing as he wants Dragonous stopped because he shot down the ship; but Flork blows it off because they are netural and observers to conflicts. Even though; it was DRAGONUS who shot them down and stole their stuff. Memo to Flork: Play Final Fantasy VI and take notes on what happened when Narshe decided to be neutral. Wildwing points out that he was effectively kidnapped; which is in fact true, thus turning the two alien babyfaces into heels. Zork yells at him to shut up and uses the screwdriver button to cause physical pain to Wildwing. I actually like this better than Outfoxed only because there is less whining and more screaming in pain in this segment. Flork is being all dipolmatic about this pain and he should just get bent so to speak; so he tells Zork to find a new guidance collar while he watches Wildwing. Zork gives him the screwdriver remote and tells him to make sure he stays put. Zork leaves and we cut back to inside the rink of the Arrowhead pond as they are practicing; and then we hear a cell phone ring; which somehow can be put on their wrist communicators. So the babyfaces answer the communicators and we see at his desk Captain Klegghorn complaining about an alien plant ravaging the city. Wait; how did Klegghorn get direct access to the ducks? More over; why does he believe them now after stating in the pilot that he doesn't buy Phil's story? Anyhow; he thinks the ducks brough the alien plant to earth; so he blames them before hanging up. So the team looks at the white mask and realizes that they don't have a leader; so Nosedive offers his services to them. Yeap; they are setting up based on Upgrade from Gargoyles, and I'm certain that they'll really screw this one up. More over; Duke no sells the deal even though Nosedive has proven to be the smartest babyface in the entire episode! Ponder that one for a moment as Nosedive's rationale for this was funnier than anything else in this episode so far. So Mallory does a president of the USA promo which makes no sense; and then Duke takes the mask and puts it on becoming the leader. DUMB! Nosedive was perfect for this because of COMEDY BABEE!
So we head into town as the Altronian Creeper is continuing to creep me out in a good way; and in comes the Turtle Van...ERRRR...I mean the Migrator (when I have to look up Wikipedia to figure this one out; that's bad) stopping near the AC; as the babyfaces get out. They cut promos on "taking the puck", urban jungles and other such BS. Memo to Nosedive: TaleSpin is the ultimate Urban Jungle because it was a parody of the Jungle Book; in spite of what Jymn Magon believes. And not even he could save this show; if the execs ONLY care about selling the game of hockey to kids (and cannot even do that without screwing it up) as Duke uses the mask to notice the core of the plant is from the park. Geez; Wildwing is even more useless than Nosedive! How bad do you have to be to be worse than Nosedive. And Wildwing's brooding is much less convincing than Kit's because Kit is small and a child. Only psychopaths are going to have NO sympathy for his backstory. Nosedive then proclaims that they need a weedwhacker the size of Cleveland to get through which proves that this show is copying TMNT; right down to Michaelangelo's voice mannerisms. Seriously; Nosedive almost sounded like Michaelangelo in that promo. Duke brings out the sword and turns into Leonardo cutting a Three Muskateers promo even though there are FIVE babyfaces! Mallory at least has enough sense to point out that it is a Krackpotkin Plan; which would be fine if she knew what a Krackpotkin Plan means. So Duke L'Orange uses his L'Banana Yellow sword and cuts through the vines with ease; and then a vine springs from the street and snags his ankle; lifting Duke into the air. He gets snagged into the plan which looks like something out of Jack & The Beanstalk. So before he gets consumed; he takes off the mask and throws it towards Nosedive. Nosedive stands there trying to grab it; but Mallory cuts him off and grabs the mask. She proclaims that we need to destroy the plant to save him; as Nosedive thinks this means Mallory will give him the mask. Mallory blows it off; and then gives the mask to their tech expert, Tanya; who doesn't look thrilled to be leader of this mission.
So Tanya puts the mask on and decides to analyze the composition of the plant; as she deduces that it is not used to too much nitrogen oxide and therefore it's growing way too fast. The solution is to use a nitrogen blocker to make the plant whither into nothingness. That made sense to me. So they all get into the Migrator as Nosedive is the driver of this outfit. The plant vines are coming towards the Migrator as Tanya goes into the cupboard and finds the bottle of nitrogen blocker; which is in the same place as they keep SODA POP! I'm not making this up. They kept a lethal substance in with soft drinks. 2:1 odds that it was empty and Nosedive was drinking out of it too. Sadly; I'm guessing there is a jump cut because the Migrator gets snagged, and Tanya is thinking through the mask...and then suddenly gives up and throws the mask to Mallory. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! There HAS to be a cut here from Toon Disney; even though it's a Family Channel Canada cut that I am reviewing here. So this leads to the four babyfaces opening the back of the Migrator and coming out on motorcycles called -- and I'm not making this up -- Duckcycles! GeoX seriously NEEDS to see this show and if he does, I betcha he'll take back about half of his negative comments towards Ducktales, and a few of his Quack Pack ones too. So the babyfaces escape stage left. Woo-woo! So we head back to inside the alien ship with Wildwing fixing up the guidance system wanting to create a distraction while whisper yelling. If there was ever a good time for a subtitle; this would be it. Flork is watching keenly as Zork walks in proclaiming that the Neutronian Core has been replaced. Wait; where would you find a replacement Neutronian Core on planet Earth? We don't know because he never explains where he got it! Flork asks what to do with Wildwing and Zork wants to jettison him into space. Implying that he wants to kill him...in space! That makes sense to me. Wildwing acts all cool in this as he thinks it will be fun; but also very brutal.
Flork agrees with him because he hates physical violence. Zork blows him off and they have a lame arguement as we see Wildwing use the metal alien fork -- which appears to be a electrical welding arc -- on the compliance collar. So we head back under the Arrowhead Pond with the babyfaces as Tanya comes into the control room with what looks to be an orange missile connected to a holder with a green light in the back of it. It's from the Aerowing missile launcher as it is filled to the gills with Weed Killer. Don't you mean "Nitro Blocker"?! MAKE UP YOUR MIND WRITERS! Anyhow; we get into asking who will the leader be this time and it's Mallory putting on the mask which she should have done from the start when she grabbed it. Mallory gives out orders; which Nosedive mocks; prompting Mallory to blow him off for not following simple orders despite the fact that she had YET to give Nosedive a SIMPLE ORDER! Who is booking this crap?! So the Altronian Creeper vines break through the doors leading into headquarters; which means the plant also hates ducks with a passion. So Mallory uses the Puck Launcher for fun; but the plant is overwhelming the babyfaces and Grin's Master Splinter promos. Nosedive is of course snagged; and Grin has to rip the vines to free him. We cut a "Lawn Be Gone" promo which is so dated even in 1996 that Disney should just get rid of Michael Eisner right now instead of waiting until mid 2000 to consider turning on him. Mallory shoots at the door (smart move) and that appears to destroy the core of the vines; but she gets snagged by the vines and raised into the wall near the ceiling. Mallory throws the mask and gives it to Tanya as she has been consumed off screen. The babyfaces remaining all run towards the Aerowing; being told to fall back. They still have the orange missile of weed killer left as we head back to seeing Zork and Flork blowing each other off because Flork wants to let him go free because he's an innocent lifeform see. Zork points out that Wildwing shot them down and wants him dumped; but Flork wants him free.
And of course Wildwing is up taunting them; as Zork goes for the device and tries to zap it; but the compliance collar is gone off the guy so it doesn't work. Then Wildwing goes to his wrist and pushes a button which I thought he was teasing calling the troops; but he simply create an yellow/orange aura around him and then simply fires a puck into something off-screen; and then he orders them to take orders from HIM. Like a heel! What was the point of that?! He was already free and in full armor uniform; so what was the point of that aura?! Once again; Wildwing bosses people around, even though the Aerowing was used to shoot the aliens down; so Zork and Flork had a good reason to suspect Wildwing as the shooter even if he wasn't. He shows no evidence that it was Dragonous and his minions causing the shooting; so he looks like a bossy heel. And people accuse Rebecca Cunningham of this nonsense?! At least Rebecca has more than enough justification to boss people around (because Baloo is a lazy, irresponsible, sloth bear in real life.); Wildwing has no justification to do this. So we head back to inside the room where the Aerowing is as the three babyfaces are at the tailsection of the Aerowing. Nosedive proclaims that it's time for some real leadership; which Tanya proclaims that he is right. So she gives the mask to Grin! Nosedive is flustered over this as Grin puts on the mask and sits down cross-legged cutting a promo about promoting inner peace. They are effectively making everyone look stupid except for the one guy who's gimmick is to be the dumb partier of the team! Nosedive has had enough and finally steals the mask from Grin and puts it on. Way to go Grin! You are min. 350 pounds; and Nosedive simply grabs the mask from you without as much as a stare. So the babyfaces get into the back of the Aerowing because here comes the Altronian Creeper vines crashing into this section now. So everyone buckles up and Nosedive starts the engine proclaiming that Ducks Rock. That was so lame that I laughed at it; because the two other babyfaces groan on cue. Nosedive blows off their lack of team spirit as we get the CGI take off sequence to waste more time.
So we head back to inside the cockpit of the Dragonous as Siege has returned and the Raptorous is back to full strength as it launches after Dragonous pushes buttons. The Raptorous flies into the air as he proclaims that this planet is his for the taking. So then we go into the skies over Anaheim as we see the Aerowing flying around while the city is consumed with AC vines; while Tanya is blowing off Nosedive's recklessness in driving. Memo to Tanya: Mallory and Duke did the exact same thing and got caught anyway. The fact that Nosedive is an expert in how to be reckless and not screw stuff up so far in this episode indicates that you need to take a chill pill. See; it's so easy to talk like a 1990's kid and still sound funnier than a 1990's kid and show combined. Nosedive blows him off just he needs one clear shot; and he counts to three; but the vine snags them at two and 3/4's and the Aerowing gets dropped on it's nose; which dislodges the missile launcher and the missile containing the weed killer...ERRR...I mean nitro blocker...ERR..I mean...Oh lord; this episode is confusing me as this ends the segment 16 and a half minutes in. What a load this episode is so far? At least it took about 10 minutes before they went to hell on the logic.
After the commercial break; we see the Aerowing covered in vines as we see Nosedive, Tanya and Grin come out from the underbelly. They run to the weed killer/nitro blocker/whatever orange missile as Nosedive grabs it and proclaims that he'll have to insert it into the core of the plant manually. Didn't Duke try that and got consumed as a result?! Tanya and Grin try to explain that this idea is stupid; which is funny considering that it's no dumber than Duke and Mallory's plan; and Nosedive is supposed to be the REALLY STUPID guy of the group! And then Nosedive completely mangles a Lion King promo which Grin is shocked and appalled, in that order. So we return as Wildwing, Zork and Flork are in the cockpit as Wildwing continues to boss around the two alien babyfaces. Flork proclaims that the Surian Overlords are dead; and so Wildwing pushes onto the screen and it shows stock footage of the Raptorous taking off; which shocks and appalls the two aliens. Flork still no sells because they don't get involved; and Wildwing proclaims that they will now and grabs his hand straight into the hard camera for no reason that I can think of; and we cut away back to behind the bushes inside the park as Grin, Tanya and Nosedive pop from the bushes with the Nitro Blo...Oh; who gives a crap anymore?! These writers sure don't. We notice Mallory and Duke wrapped in vines hanging around the central part of the plant; as they suddenly wake up and they plea for them to get out because the tentacle vines all come and snag the rest of the babyface; in spite of Grin's efforts to rip the vines to shreds. So everyone is risen in the air as Tanya is confused about his cacooning; and then we finally get to see the fugly mug of the Altronian Creeper which Tanya finally gets it. So we cut to the Raptorous and inside the cockpit as Siege and Dragonous are looking over the sky. Siege tells Dragonous that he can pound the city into silly putty anytime he wants to. However; he then notices the babyfaces tied up with the vines; and Nosedive with the mask on.
Now; Nosedive cannot get his arms loose, so Dragonous should simply ignore him and pound the earth flatter than creationists after losing a debate about evolution. But no; Dragonous is so stupid that he has to go after Nosedive because the mask is on him and it must be destroyed. Despite the fact that the mask has done absolutely no good in this episode! Nosedive proclaims that this episode cannot get any worse and I think he should sod off; albeit it's not for the reason he thinks it is. Of course Siege appears after teleporting from the ship onto the giant vine as he demands Nosedive give him the mask or else. Ummm; Siege. NOSEDIVE CANNOT GET HIS ARMS FREE! JUST TAKE THE DAMN MASK YOU PINHEAD! GOD! And then Nosedive gets his arm free and takes off the mask. He throws into the air proclaiming that he'll rather give it to the plant (sure, why not? It's not like that thing was useful or anything!); Siege of course fails to grab it and looks like a dork doing it as in dives Wildwing grabbing the mask in midair after skydiving from the Aerowing which we never got to fully see. The one moment were they were monster cool; and the animators completely ruined it! DUMB! Siege brings out his oversized red laser gun and fires red lasers at him which Wildwing blocks ever shot. Wildwing shoots the blue pucks of doom and Siege gets clipped and backflips onto his belly in the process, which did look cool. Siege then bails and teleports out as one of the babyfaces yells at Wildwing to get the nitrogen block orange missile thingy. Wildwing grabs it; sticks it into the core of the plant and squeezes the trigger on it; and the plant turns black and whithers into dead brown vines and that is that. The babyfaces get free and have a bonding moment together which I don't care about. Then the alien ship lands and out comes Flork and Zork as they go to the dead core of the Altron Creeper as they clear away the dead vines to reveal that the AC has returned to a sprout state.
Flork uproots it and puts it under glass again. Yes; BS&P didn't want a plant to die even though they used a substance which should have killed it including the sprout itself. WHO IS BOOKING THIS CRAP?! That was so stupid as it gets dumber because Tanya directly blames the two for causing all this; which Wildwing claims that they had help from Dragonous. WHAT THE HELL WILDWING?! You make that sound like Flork and Zork teamed up with Dragonous to begin with and then Dragonous turned on them! No; there was no heel turn because Flork and Zork never joined up with Dragonous to begin with! God damn this show sucks! Oh; and let's just add the ultimate cop out finish that makes the Through Tweeg's Fingers copout ending look like the 18* finishes in TaleSpin: So Wildwing states that Dragonous is going to attack them now; but the aliens bring out the screwdriver remote; proclaiming that it's their Neutronian Core and they can depower it as they push a button on it. Yes; they could have just depowered the core right from the start and defeated Dragonous then and now without getting directly involved at all. Worse; we cut to Dragonous sitting on his throne chair sensing victory and the Raptorous simply dives slowly down to the ground and lands in a, suburban neighbourhood as Dragonous panics like mad; ordering the cloaking device to be on and the Raptorous turns into a large castle from either Gargoyles or Gummi Bears. I have no idea which as a man and a woman are walking on the sidewalk looking at the thing; and the man proclaims "There goes the neighbourhood!". Yes; that is the finish! Dragonous loses because he was stupid enough to go after the mask in the first. And where is Siege? More to the point; where's Chameleon and Wraith? Wraith has had ONE line in the entire episode (and we have two minutes to go in this episode!); and Chameleon left about 10-12 minutes ago. It seems every heel is being written out via teleport now in one episode. Absolutely beyond the pale absurd! So we cut to the alien ship as the aliens and the "babyfaces" say their goodbyes and Wildwing orders them to fight evil when it happens. Asshole!
Zork seems to be happy with this order because he is a violent alien; and Flork proclaims that they will not be bystanders no more, so this was a 1996 version of an anti-bullying promo; and it sucked! So the aliens get into the cockpit; put on their seatbelts; while blowing off each other because Zork wants to be violent and Flork wants to be Teddy Ruxpin, or something. This goes on past it's expirey date as the ship flies into the skies and out of sight. Now; in any other universe, that would be the ending (with an extra 15 seconds or so); but remember they are selling the hockey game to kids. So after nearly 21 minutes of BS; we head to the Anaheim Mighty Duck's locker room as the babyfaces praise Wildwing for his bossy attitude and such; and suddenly, Phil comes in proclaiming that he has a replacement and in comes...Canard. And man; did he put on a lot of weight...Oh wait; it's some guy in a duck costume. Tanya tells Phil that they don't need the replacement anymore which Phil whines and stammers like an idiot. The guy in the costume is relieved as he takes the duck mask off proclaiming that it was embarassing for him to wear it; as the ducks are shocked because the guy in the duck suit is Guy Herbert. Guy Andre Hebert; who by the way, was the goaltender for the real Anaheim Mighty Ducks when this production was released! Guy Hebert voices himself in this show as he was the goaltender for the real Anahiem Mighty Ducks. According to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Guy Andre Hebert was drafted by St. Louis in 1987, when he was a sophomore at Hamilton College. Hebert played in the minors, for the Peoria Rivermen, until he was called up to the St. Louis Blues in December 1991. Hebert was the first pick of the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim in the 1993 NHL Expansion Draft his head coach was Gary Waterman who coached Hebert in the 1990 Goodwill games where they both helped the United States of America capture a silver medal.
Hebert played with the Ducks organization until midway through the 2000–01 NHL season, making him the last of the original Ducks with the team, after which he was placed on waivers and the New York Rangers claimed him. He played in thirteen games for the Rangers before retiring in 2001. Hebert still ranks 1st or 2nd in every major goalkeeping statistic of the Ducks franchise. Aside from his NHL career, Hebert also was selected to the United States hockey team for the 1994 World Championships, the US team that won the 1996 World Cup, and the 1998 Olympic team in Nagano, Japan. Hebert was selected to the 1997 NHL All star game. He is mispelled as Guy Hibbert in this show by the way. Idiots! At least I blame IMDB for that one instead of this show. So the babyfaces all suck up to him and praise him as the greatest thing in hockey history even though in real life; he NEVER had a season where he played better than .500 in his career except for the year this show was released and even then; he was basically 29-27 (if you count ties as overtime losses). So he's not very good; and the fact that Nosedive isn't joining in makes him the smartest guy in the room yet again. And he is supposed to be the dumb one of the team. Nosedive then stops selling and runs in asking for Guy's autograph which I'm totally fine with and that ends the episode at 21:10 approx. Episode started out fine and then it went comnpletely to hell the moment the whole replacement thing came and things just kept getting dumber and dumber as time went on. The finish was absolutely horrible; Wildwing is still a jerk, Nosedive is smarter than everyone else including the girls; and the writers have no idea what they are doing at this point. The only purpose of this episode was to set up Guy Hebert's appearance and while Guy was fine for the 15 seconds he was on; I cannot take him seriously as the "best goaltender ever". And it's not because he was wearing a duck suit either. Phil's goaltending spot was the best thing on the show; so call it * 1/4 (25%). And to make IMDB look worse: my video cut has the ED and in the voices; Disney got Guy Hebert's name right. So to IMDB: SOD OFF!!
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; what more can I say?! This episode sucked! It started off all right and Guy Hebert's appearance with Nosedive wanting the autograph was fine; but the rest of this episode blows. We had a really horrible finish that was a complete copout to me. Wildwing's bossy attitude really bothers me because there was no reason for him to be bossy. Zork and Flork had done nothing to screw with Wildwing; and the Wildwing looked like he was passing the buck onto others for the Aerowing shooting down the alien ship. Then he acted as if Zork and Flork were helping the heels even though we clearly know that they are not. Dragonous' defeat was horrible as well as Dragonous got defeated by a screwdriver remote; and the landing was so bland that it was like they were landing normally with any bumps whatsoever. Then we have the writers confused over the nitro blocker/weed killer thing which ended up with the logic break of the sprout being alive despite the rest of the plant being dead. Everything else was either a logic break or just there except for Phil Palmfeather being a goaltender which was a riot to me; and the defacto best thing in the series. Phil is supposed to be the #7 babyface on the show and he's doing better things than even Nosedive who is the #2 babyface in the show! Screw this show! Overall; the episode booking was horrible and the entire episode was put together with chewing gum. The animation was in fact all right; save the three color schemes of the aliens, so it wasn't a total write-off. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.