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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - The Human Factor
Reviewed: 08/12/2014
The Factor Of Ron Strikes Before He Exists!
Well; I guess we need to finish this week off with something -- anything -- that would make me feel that this show is worth ranting on after two miserable episodes. So, today's episode has 75% of the Mighty Ducks trying to go to a baseball game; but stop at a place that looks too nice because the Migrator breaks down. Plus; Wildwing is without his mask because someone broke it. Yeah. Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode was written and story edited by David Wise. The animation was done by Studio B with additional animation done by Koko Enterprises.
We begin this one in a darkened metal factory with Chameleon, Siege and Wraith doing what at first appears to be them taking a leak. At first; I thought that Chameleon was mimicking the babyfaces voices; which would have been great. Nope; the heels turn around to see the ducks hiding behind some control panel and blow their covers. Idiots! Wildwing notices an explosive hidden somewhere using the mask; and then Siege begins firing on the babyfaces. Tanya calls this a little tricky even though it's six babyfaces against three heels. Siege calls them web-footed wimps; and knowing BS&P; this is true. So the babyfaces run in and shoot their puck guns which miss by a number of feet as Chameleon hides and does a lame impression about being lucky; and then claims that he does good impressions. That is a lie; unless he is doing generic impressions. Siege then finds a laser cannon which is in front of a flaming furance. Why? I don't know. I discover that it's a power sinker as it is firing nails at the babyfaces; and one of them manages to go right through Wildwind's mask causing Wildwing to get dropped on his back in an awkward looking bump. Wildwing is selling it like he has a massive headache and this is not believable at all because it's another case of subbing a bullet for something else that would do just as much damage if not more than an actual gun. Duke asks if Wildwing is all right; and then Wildwing gets up and acts all right. Wildwing wants that explosive; but Wraith throws the switch as a steel container up in the ceiling pours hot molten steel into the floor and we get the second lava flow in the series. Wraith wants to send the ducks to a molten doom (LAME!) as the other heels blow him off for it. The babyfaces scatter towards the wall; Wildwing shoots a puck into the wall; causing the wall to have a large hole in it. The heels teleport out as Wraith claims that he has a shrink who told him that this would be a bad day for him. The molten steels destroys the table; causing the explosive to explode and as the ducks are outside, they are forced to drop down and we get a really awesome explosion in the process; looking like it actually did some halfway decent damage. Yay!
The steel mill implodes on itself on the closeup shot as somehow the explosion did not kill the babyfaces despite being literally 10 feet from the explosion site. Wildwing claims that this cannot get any worse; and then a police car shows up (well; the siren sounds anyway); and here comes Klegghorn to taunt them for destroying people's properties with impunity again. Wildwing claims that Dragonous was creating a thermal bomb in that factory; and Klegghorn doesn't buy it one bit because when the smoke clears; there is only ducks. For once; Klegghorn is the sane one because who is going to buy Wildwing's paranoia anyway. Klegghorn basically threatens to send them to prison if he finds evidence with feathers on it; and tells them to get out because they are moltening on his crime scene. Okay; that was funny. The babyfaces return to the Migrator as Nosedive blows off Klegghorn and now we have someone who hates humanity for being people. Whatever Nosedive. How would you know; since you are a chimera duck anyway. So we scene change to a newsdesk with a red haired woman wearing a green dress with a yellow shirt and glasses on the right side of the desk; while on the left side of the desk is a white haired professor dude named Doctor Wally Pretorious (voiced by Matt Frewer). He is a genetics expert and the woman (voiced by either Jennifer Hale or April Winchell) asks Wally this question: What are the chances of the Mighty Ducks winning the Stanley Cup? Wally is so mad on so many levels that he grabs the woman's arm and states that he doesn't give a damn about hockey and wants the ducks subjected to painful experiments to see what makes them tick. Wildwing is not amused by this; but I am. I would pay good money to see a painful test that explains why the ducks destroy people's properties with impunity. Wildwing kills the signal on Drake One (by pushing buttons. See how easy it is not to destroy someone else's property?) and Nosedive is pissed off at this guy. Wildwing motions Nosedive over with him asking if he woke up on the wrong side of the nest.
Then we get another classic Mighty Ducks moment: They walk away from Drake One; and then we jump cut BACK to Drake One on a far shot with shadows at Drake One. There was no scene change here at all! So we go to the table as Tanya is using her tools; and not fixing the plate where the nail fastener bullet hit the mask. Wildwing wants a status report and Tanya explains that it will take 24 hours to rebuilt the circuit board. How does Tanya know how to fix the mask when it is supposed to be an anicent mask previously worn by Drake DuCaine. Not to mention; Canard later. Why can't anyone explain this? Oh wait; I know...Sell the hockey game to kids. Never mind that they are failing BADLY in that experiment. Wildwing then proclaims that he wants to attend a San Francisco Giants game; and Tanya tells him to go there and she'll catch up later. Wait; what? So this show cannot use NHL teams; but a legit MLB team is perfectly all right? Even if Disney owns the California Angels at this point; they didn't use them here. They said San Francisco Giants. Again; who is booking this crap?! Wildwing tells Grin to stay behind; because we always have a buddy system on hand. Grin's promo made more sense that this broken mask angle; so I don't care. So we get the full CGI Migrator sequence of doom to waste a lot of time. There is nothing of note here so we scene change to a road outside of Anaheim with the Migrator riding on the right side of the road at least. Mallory claims on the side shot that planet Earth looks beautiful; but Nosedive blows it off because the humans are assholes. That may be true; but no one is going to take Michael Nosedive Angelo seriously talking about it like a stereotypical surfer. Also; the first shots of outside, the sky is blue. When we cut to Nosedive blowing off humans; the sky is PURPLE; and then on the next shot, it's blue. So we get a closeup of a sign that reads: "Welcome to Sunnyville, Please Drive Carefully". Then we get another Mighty Ducks moment: They are driving on the left side of the road instead of the right side. Then as the Migrator stops; they are driving on the right side of the road again.
Duke sarcastically states that this is a good place to stop as any as Wildwing claims that he didn't stop as Mallory notices the red light blinking to indicate an engine malfunction. Nosedive then notices a bunch of rednecks walking towards them as he thinks this is a conspiracy to tar and defeather them for ruining their boredom. So we cut to the statehouse as more citizens of the town come out and they are so happy to see them, acting like they never saw the outside world outside of television. Which is pretty much like today with computers, natch. Some things never change; mostly Wildwing pointing out to Nosedive that he is wrong about these citizens hating them. Nosedive does the Gruffi pose and claims that they have been here about five seconds. Which is equal to 30 seconds in real life time. The grey trenchcoat wearing man with glasses, grey hair and a red bow tie addresses himself as Mayor Sam Delaney (late David Doyle) welcoming the babyfaces to Sunnyville. Wildwing explains that they are here because there is engine trouble. So then Sam brings in Pops; who looks like a redneck mechanic as he looks at the rear end of the rig with Wildwing for a while; because Wildwing is confused as to why this thing doesn't work. So then a green trenchcoat dude with glasses, a crew cut and a mustache walks in; and Mallory notices him right away as Doug MacClane who is a six star general. Maybe in this town; but I know the real Doug MacLean for years and he's a former hockey coach and broadcaster. This Doug is a retired general and Mallory still salutes him anyway. Doug MacClane is voiced by John Steveson and he debuted on this show actually. Other credits: Baywatch (Brad), USA High (Darren), Beverly Hills 90210 (Charlie), Baby Blues (Caretaker/Security Guard), One World (Bradley Covington) and Sabrina The Teenage Witch (Ryan) as his most recent credit in 2000. That's it. Mallory shows off her badge and business card as she is part of the Puckworld Special Forces. I believe this is the first time for rant purposes that she has mentioned this; in fact, it's the first time in the show that she has ever mentioned this at all.
So Mallory and Doug exhange notes as Wildwing and Pops talk about the back of the Migrator as Pops claims that a bar has been broken on the custom Migrator; and it will have to be machined from scratch, so he'll have to take it to the shop for repairs. So then a freckled faced teenager who is almost as tall as Wildwing with blond hair and a red sweater with a red star around a circle; as he is apparently Sam's son; which I find hard to believe. They shake hands as Sam is All-American in sports so he's a stereotypical jock who plays hockey and he would like some pointers from Wildwing. He also talks like a normal teenager who hasn't been influneced by TMNT in the 1980's. Sam offers Wildwing and company a place to stay at the boardhouse; and Wildwing walks with him while Nosedive blows it off as a boredom house. You see; Nosedive hates boring adults; even though he is a poor man's Michaelangelo. Then Thrash & Mookie show up out of nowhere waving at Nosedive as the two punk kids explain that they were here to visit their grandmother; which of course they hate because you see, in the eyes of the adults, kids hate their elders. Of course the irony is completely lost on them; but then again, they are kids so why should I expect more? So we exchange notes as Thrash claims that there is a video arcade close by that is rippin. Why is Thrash wearing 3D glasses with purple painted on one half and yellow painted on the other half? Does anyone use the word rippin anymore? Anyhow; Nosedive likes this and he goes with the punks as Wildwing points out that not all humans are bad. This prompts both punks to blow him off because they are not human: They are alternative life forms seeking cool tattoos and hair colors not seen in nature. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Seriously; that was the only rational response I could muster for this promo, so way to go Mookie! You got a memoriable line out of this.
Mookie, Thrash and Nosedive leave to play Space Monsters (the video game Nosedive was talking about) as Wildwing claims that birds of a feather do flock together, implying that Thrash and Mookie are alien ducks. BOO! HISS! CGI puck scene changer of doom and we head inside to the ancient museum of natural history as we get a western pan shot to the door; and in comes Duke. Complete with Spanish music flourish. Then out of nowhere we see a woman dressed with purple shoes, purple dress, purple glasses and a purple tie; with some lavander trim in the front. She looks happy to see someone actually caring about the Spanish Revolution; which is what this museum of history is about. Duke looks around as the woman goes to the wall and grabs a sword from it. She then turns around; her eyes flash red and then she throws the sword like a ninja at Duke and the sword causes Duke to fly into the wall and his uniform get nailed into the wall by said sword. Duke stammers like an idiot thinking that he had deeply offended her; but she hisses and stalks Duke. Duke rips his uniform from the wall and runs into a hiding place. He brings out his banana yellow sword; but then gets grabbed by two security guards with red gargoyle like eyes. They drag Duke and subdue him; as the woman stalks him again. Duke panics and that ends the segment nine and a half minutes in. This is all right thus far.
After the commercial break; we head back outside as the sky is purple again! Wildwing is out in the middle of the road in hockey gear (sans his white mask; so the golden mask and the white mask are the same thing. What a cheater this Wildwing fellow is?) as we play roller blading for a while. Chip shoots and Wildwing manages to make a decent save out of it as Chip claims that your best shot is your only hope as he comes over. Suddenly; Wildwing actually talks about Canard for the first time since The First Face Off. So Wildwing goes to his wrist communicator and tries to contact Tanya and Grin; but the thing emmits a screech which really causes Chip a huge headache and his reds turn red for about two seconds before finally regaining his composure. Wildwing notices Chip and asks what is wrong and Chip claims that he has a hearing problem which amplifies the volume of any sound. I had a worker in Reboot with the same problem as that; and closing a door normally would causes loud noise in her ears; so this is a legit medical condition, so Chip isn't being a heel; he does in fact have volume control problems with his ears. So Wildwing asks about using their phone and Chip claims that it's not working either, so Wildwing bails to go to a payphone. He rollerblades stage left as Chip tells him that supper is at seven pm. Okay. So we head to outside the Sunnyville Arcade AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as the place is closed already. Nosedive claims; by Mookie and Thrash tell him not to worry because Pops runs the place and they know him. So they run off to find him as Nosedive is alone doing the Gruffi pose and calls this the most fun since his last root canal. So they do root canal's in Puckworld? I betcha that was more compelling than most of this series. So we scene change to outside a lit house somewhere in Sunnyville and head inside the living room which I figured out due to the large number of bullet shooting guns on the wall, that this is Doug's house. And the fact that Mallory is looking at them. Then Doug teleports out of nowhere holding Mallory's puck gun and seems fascinated with the thing.
Mallory wants to leave to talk to her teammates and then Doug takes the puck gun and points it at Mallory saying that she is going nowhere. Mallory calls this unregulation behaviour; and then gets grabbed by the same two guards that grabbed Duke earlier. Ecomony of characters strikes again! So we cut back to the arcade with Nosedive as Wildwing runs in proclaiming that something strange is going on here. Other than the denizens having red eyes and a knack for messing up electronic signals; I don't see anything strange about this town. This is a normal B-horror movie town; you never saw those in Puckworld Wildwing? Nosedive agrees with him as Wildwing wants him to try his communicator. So Nosedive opens the link and there is noise which causes him a headache. Wildwing deduces that the signal is jammed and thus the Migrator was intentionally stopped here. Nosedive accuses the humans of trying to ice them; and it's hard not to argue that point since we have seen the human kidnap Duke and Mallory already. Then we get another logic break: Somehow Wildwing was able to locate Duke on the communicator in the Sunnyville Museum. How? If the signal is jammed; shouldn't the signal inside the city be gone as well. Wildwing tells Nosedive to stay at the arcade until further notice and Nosedive doesn't mind despite wanting actual action. Wildwing is seen running into the museum as he goes to the front desk which has a phone. He uses it and discovers that the phone is also dead. First off; even a phone with no communication power would still work, but only have that noise sound like the wrist communicator. So Wildwing looks around and notices Duke's saber on the ground which is a clear cut sign of a setup because I don't recall seeing Duke dropping the saber when he was grabbed at the end of the first act. But; Wildwing grabs it, claims that he would never drop it and then runs out of the museum without anything else happening. Huh. So we head to Chip's house near some trees. I know this because Chip is outside in front of the property taking out the trash like a good responsible little teenage boy.
So Wildwing runs in and demands answers to this outrage because all the phones are dead. So then Sam and his wife come out motioning for them to stay for dinner. Wildwing wants answers and then all the humans turn on Wildwing as it's five humans against one duck as the same two guards return and grab Wildwing as Wildwing manages to fire two shots from his puck gun wildly into the air. Why? I don't know. Chip is joining in as Wildwing is wondering why Chip is doing this as Sam continues to tell him that he must stay for dinner. This is a B-horror movie now; only with no heat or intensity because of BS&P. So we cut back to a sky shot of the arcade with Nosedive. I betcha that Thrash and Mookie return with Pops; and then turn on Nosedive and grab him because that is the only thing that makes sense. So Pops does arrive without Thrash nor Mookie and Pops informs them that Thrash and Mookie are having supper with their grandmother; but Pops opens the arcade anyway. Nosedive chooses to foresake Wildwing for one round of Cyber Sleezeoids; which must be the most PG rated game in the arcades in 1996. So Nosedive heads inside and I'm waiting with baited breath for pops to turn on Nosedive and Nosedive looks at the arcade and it looks like something out of the 1980's. Then the double doors at the back wall open and out comes the two big security guards we have seen in the previous three kidnappings. Nosedive panics and runs out of the arcade as Pops asks if Nosedive is going somewhere. So then all the "humans" including Sam, Doug, Chip, Sam's wife and the museum clerk all surround Nosedive as Nosedive trips on a raised manhole cover (which didn't look raised) and pratfalls on his face while claiming that you cannot trust humans at all. Then Thrash and Mookie show up and Nosedive thinks that he's okay now and tells them that they need to get the hell out of here. I think we all know where this is going now don't we...
Mookie and Thrash of course get red eyes and then suddenly; their skin melts like ice cream. This reveals that Thrash and Mookie were really robots in disguise. Get it?! And this happens to all the denizens as they are really killer robots. So BS&P has no problem with skin melting as long as it's not organic. Okay; good to know. Nosedive is surrounded again as he ponders what to do and then calls for a flashback right into the hard camera. I hate it when they try doing stupid stuff like this. Even the new cartoons have more sense than these old cartoons. So we flashback to the scene in neon blue because children hate black & white television you see. So we replay the scene where Nosedive is told to open his communication device and he does and it makes piercing noises. Okay; the flashback makes sense for what Nosedive needs to do for the next spot. So we head back to reality (no, not really) as Nosedive calls this his favorite scene in the whole show. WHAT THE HELL?! At least in Dave the Barbarian, there is a narrator in the show so the actors can interact with said narrator and not look like they are exposing the business (even though they keep doing that with PSA's at the end of the show!!). So Nosedive opens the communicator and it spews noise and all the robot sell a massive headache like an old fart after hearing the loudest heavy metal music in their son's bedroom. Nosedive bails towards the house (which I guess is Chip's house) and he jumps and smashes the wooden celler door feet first. He slides into the basement on his ass. And then he notices a lot of holes in the wall; and thinks this is Dracula's basement. So we look around and notice a room with lime green glass chambers lined up on each side of the wall. Nosedive goes over to the first two and inside the chambers are Mookie and Thrash lying down with peaceful looks on their faces. Nosedive opens the glass dome on both chambers without actually destroying them; and both Mookie and Thrash wake up and feel confused. So Nosedive notices Doug inside the third chamber and opens it looking like he wants to kill this bastard.
So Doug wakes up and he proclaims that there is a giant duck in the room; to which Nosedive is so pissed off because he had a rough night. This was the best acting out of Steve McKall I have ever seen in this show; so that is a win. He was legit pissed off here. Doug gets out as he explains that the whole town was gassed to sleep. Now; if you recall, Pops is the only one who didn't flash red eyes, nor took part in the surrounding of Nosedive. He just stood there in the arcade saying "Going somewhere?". Nosedive wants to know who did it and Doug doesn't know since he got knocked out before he could see who it was; but he did figure out that the gas was coming from Pop's Gas Station. So; you DO know who is behind this? I mean; he's the only one in the town who hasn't gotten red eyes yet. See; someone (Pops) used them to make robots that look like cheap copies of the humans of the town, according to Nosedive. If you cannot guess who Pops really is; you have no business reading this rant. So we go to the gas station as Pops shows up and walks into the garage through the small door. We look inside the garage and there are two robots lined up against the left wall; and at the right wall, we see Wildwing, Mallory and Duke strapped to propped up tables. So Pops finally takes off the mustache (which is fake) and all the hair plus orange hat to reveal...Doctor Wally Pretorious! What a twist eh? Well; no, no it's not. Did you honestly think that they were just going to show Wally for one scene and never see him again? What do you think this show is, TNA? Ummm; yeah. I would like to know how Wildwing has no metal cuffs on his wrists since I don't see any. It's like Wildwing is just acting like they are there. Duke even remembers somehow that Wally wanted to do painful experiments on them. Wally then admits that it's far more than that; as he basically explains that he wants to make a creature that is the next step in evolution. This guy has no idea how evolution works. This guy is more of a creationist in my not so humble opinion. So we see the metal door that two androids are guarding as the door is being bashed again and the door doesn't break down.
There was a funny moment in this: After the beast behind the door stops; you can hear a cock crowing in the background. This looks like a metal chimera to me. By the way; I notice the laser poles aimmed at the ducks are lime green in color. What is this obsession with neon lime green? Don't these marketing managers realize that Mountain Dew was over not because of it's color? It was over because the ads kept telling us to obey our thrist, and it was convincing. Anyhow; Nosedive is looking at all this through a vent outside and he speaks loud enough for most people to hear; but Wally ignores it. So Wally because wants to use the technology of the ducks to create the ultimate beast in evolution. Ummm; Dave Batisia? He basically wants to be famous and popular because he has no penis and no hair...Well; at least no hair. The no penis is allegedly of course. He also wants an infomerical which tells you that this man is insane. Isn't informercials the place where careers go to die? I guess not in this world which is supposed to be the real world. Wildwing wants to know how he managed to gas the entire town and Wally calls it quite simple because he then shows an autographed picture of Dragonous which is framed. Awwwwww. My heart melted! Wally gets his supplies from Dragonous in a "scratch my back, scratch your back way". Which if Dragonous succeeds; it'll be "you scratch my back; I'll stab yours at my earliest convenience". By the way; the autograph reads in banana yellow cursive writing: To Dr. Pretorious, Best Luck On Your Mad Ways Of Conquest. Dragonous. That was funny. Thank goodness Duke read the writing because it took me about ten minutes to figure out what it said. To people who complain about this spot: There are people who have vision problems and cannot see writing like this clearly. Please think of the visually impaired kids out there you ableist jackasses! So Wally goes over to the super computer in the room and throws the switch as he wants to get their genes and to do that, they must be properly dissected. So the red beams start coming out of the poles as Nosedive has had of this nonsense. Why didn't he just do that BEFORE he showed the picture of Dragonous? So he can be grabbed by the legs by the Terminator looking robots silly! Nosedive panics as three more come into the scene and Nosedive cries for his mommy. Seriously. What a mama's boy?! Even Chip isn't THIS wimpy! That ends the segment almost 18 minutes in. This is a fine episode thus far.
After the commercial break; we see Nosedive being robot handled in front of the garage at Pop's Gas Station. The three robots have Nosedive as he claims that he can take on three robots, and clearly struggling at that. So the fourth robots slowly runs in as Nosedive proclaims that it's all over for him and covers his eyes. So from the side; Doug runs and and tackles the robot down to the ground and wrestles with it. Then we get the ANGRY MOB OF DOOM running in with pitchforks and torches as Nosedive is let go; and he yells humans, and then catches himself. Whatever Nosedive, you're not cool anymore. So the humans take over the front of the gas station as we cut back to Wally throwing the switch again; and the red beams coming out of the poles in the ceiling are now blue as they lower down towards the babyfaces. Wildwing turns his head to the left; so I assume that Wally was going to cut Wildwing's head off. Wally proclaims that he will extract their DNA; and then the door opens with Nosedive shooting his puck gun at them (Wally should have found a way to subdue those weapons) as he orders Wally to extract this. Nosedive shoots the pucks at the poles in the ceiling, destroying them and somehow none of the debris lands on the babyfaces. I CLUB BS&P! So Wally orders the two guards guarding the metal chimera to come in and destroy Nosedive. They sell and stalk Nosedive and I was hoping that he would use the communicator again to cause noise; but no. Nosedive shoots the puck gun and that destroys the robot with ease. Geez; these robot should have been made of lime green glass; they probably would be much harder to break. So then we get a moment that baffles me as a second robot gets destroyed and the babyfaces cheer. Wally then orders the door to be opened and unleash "The Sloor" according to Wally. As the door opens; Nosedive runs in and shoots a puck rope which wraps around Wally's chest and Wally bumps into some glass canister and drops on his ass, causing the canister to land on Wally's head and the canister shatters like glass right on his head. Wow; just wow. After all the months of BS from BS&P, NOW they decide to lighten up and allow a dangerous spot. So Nosedive grabs a lead pipe and asks about crossing a lobster and a chicken; and then in comes from the door; the "Sloor". Yeah; it's a chimera that SquareEnix hasn't stolen yet.
This Chimera has a lobster claw for a right arm, goat horns, bear claws, goat hooves and a chicken foot. Basically he crossed a lobster, chicken, goat and bear into one nasty chimera like beast. And it growls and looks rather nasty. Now Wally is out cold; and Wildwing could release his friends from the cuffs. Nope; Nosedive throws the lead pipe as the chimera and runs in which is the signal for the chimera to cut the pipe and punch Nosedive in the face with his lobster claw. Even though the actual punch was weak sauce; it connected at least as Nosedive goes flying and drops on his back. The Sloor then runs over to the strapped babyfaces and slashes the armor of wildwing with...bear claw marks. Even though he was using his lobster arm to do the slashing. Bad logic there guys! Wildwing and Duke continue to turn this scene into a joke by making Surf & Turf references. Nosedive is on his belly trying to get up; and he's pissed off. So Nosedive runs in and shoulder blocks the Sloor from behind like a backfighter (which is fine since the comedy dork is supposed to only be able to win by backfighting) and the Sloor takes a bump onto the ground. Then he brings out two puck guns (huh?) and starts shooting them; which begs the question: why didn't he do this when the Sloor came out? Why the lead pipe? So the Sloor backs up into a pile of chains connected up to the garage door and trips on them. Nosedive runs in to the other side of the chains and pulls the chain as I discover that it's a pulley system. The Sloor gets hung upside down into the air as a result. Yeah; it took one shoulder block and tripping into chains to defeat this chimera. No wonder Square never stole the Sloor for a Final Fantasy monster. He sucks! So Nosedive finally decides to free his allies and Wildwing grabs Wally who has somehow recovered from getting hit with glass; and he is hung on the hook on the other side as Wildwing tells him to hang around until the police arrive. The babyfaces leave as Wally cuts a Oliver Hardy promo. A production that only I knew because of my dad getting tapes of the sketches which are at least 80 years old.
So then the ducks head outside with the angry mob; and the robots are outside just standing there right in front of an oil tank. None of them are tied up; and none of them move, they just stand there. How? I don't know. Wildwing tells them to stand back and he shoots a hockey puck at the oil tank and it explodes and destroys the terminator like robots with ease. What a lame way to end this night huh?! This would have been laughed out of a b-level horror film; although a z-level horror film would have seen it as high comedy. Then we see Mallory on the roof of the gas station as she notices a satellite and tractor beam device on the roof which was jamming their signals and causing the Migrator to stop in Sunnyville. So Mallory brings out her puck gun and kills the satellite dish dead as a door nail; and that is that. So Sam and the human come up and the animation makes it look like they are robots again; but Sam is grateful for them saving their town and wants to thank them for it. Suddenly; we jump cut back to the sign of Sunnyville as it's daylight again. Wait; what? Then we jump cut to the Migrator driving on the road in the rural part of the country as he hear the "Ducks Rock" catchphrase, and this is turning into a z-level show now. Then we get the CGI hockey puck scene changer and return to the Arrowhead Pond as we return to the table as Tanya shows Wildwing the mask as it is fixed. Wildwing then offhand claims that the mask would have saved themselves some trouble. Really Wildwing? Considering that it seems to use the same technology as the Aerowing and the Migrator, I think not. Tanya then does the "expose the business" part of saying that it would then be a boring episode. Duke has a hand on Nosedive's shoulder as he is grateful that Nosedive has faith in humanity again as Nosedive gives them a thumbs up; and calls them haste. What the hell does he mean? Then Phil Palmfeather runs in with a purple magazine which on the front cover it reads that it's called Bird Watchers Monthly and the front cover has the Mighty Ducks as their top story. Nosedive claims that Phil is the exception and he even uses the word natch like I do! I....no....NO!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I got that catchphrase from a low rent Michaelangelo. I cannot look at myself anymore. There is no justice in this world. Okay; I'm over it now. Duke tells Nosedive to relax because it's not been scientifically proven that Phil is human or not. They laugh at Phil walking towards the hard camera reading the magazine which makes me feel dirty and that ends the episode at 21:08. This was a fine episode with a lot of stupid dialogue and a lame finish. ** 1/2 (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this episode wasn't all that bad. Sure; it had a lot of little logic breaks that annoyed me, and it had the usual fourth wall breaking stupidity that wasn't funny anymore. It should stop trying to be like TMNT and try to be itself; but David Wise won't allow it to be such. The Sloor was a weak monster that got beaten with one shoulder block to the back from Nosedive. Seriously; that monster got buried in about two minutes which is half the time it took to bury Chuckles The Silly Piggy in his debut! Most of this was b-movie level horror without the gore nor the heat; but the melting skin spot and Wally getting his head smacked into glass that shatter did have some laughable factor to it; so I was fine with it. The story was fine as well outside of the logic break; but Wildwing didn't seem to care about the mask until after the episode was at the finish; and the conclusion was rushed even more than The Case Of The Cola Cult. A simple thank you; and three whiplash jump cuts that made no sense with the catchphrase. Overall; this was not horrible; but it was just there. And now I need to call my sponser after Nosedive said natch on television. I do love Nosedive's anger promos though, so I'm fine with this. So I'll be back with more episodes of Mighty Ducks a week from this Saturday as this weekend; I'll be returning to do three half hour segments of Dave The Barbarian. And man; I am so happy to be doing that show again after two wretched episodes of this show. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.