Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - Beak To The Future
Reviewed: 09/08/2014
Ass To The Past!
Well; I guess we do have to do this episode sooner or later. Basically; it's the ducks being offered to go to Puck World by Dragonous which causes Tanya to decide the future of the storyline. However; Phil from the future arrives and shows them an Anaheim that has been destroyed by Dragonous. Yeah; there are a number of problems with this storyline and that is before the idiot plot takes effect. Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written and story edited by David Wise. The animation is done by Plus One Animation.
We begin this one in some despot dictatorship of a city with a lot of pollution and a lot of sunsets. So we head inside an office with Phil Palmfeather bringing in the babyfaces who are dressed in the most ill-fitted suits a duck could wear. Duke isn't thrilled about meeting some guy as Phil tries to convince him to relax as Grin has bad vibes already. So we see a desk with a green suitted man wearing a red shirt and cuddling a giant grey/brown snake with red spots. He also has black hair and looks like Phineas P. Viper (Xander Berkely aka Iago/Coldsteel from Gargoyles) and his entire room features snake statues, snake coat of arms and at least one live red snake in the background. So we make small talk for a while barely thirty seconds in. We see more red and grey snakes (mostly red) live and hissing. So there is a lot of snake promos and then Phineas writes on a piece of paper as I discover that he wants to buy the Anaheim Mighty Ducks hockey team and puts the offer in writing. Wildwing grabs the paper and he thinks it's a lot of money; and then he no sells the deal and throws the paper in front as Phil is trying to grab it because he never met a scummy deal he didn't like. Phil pleads for them to be reasonable; but Wildwing grabs Phil and leaves proclaiming that they are not for sale. So the babyfaces leave and Phineas proclaims that they will make the deal in a different way as Siege and Chameleon show up out of nowhere (teleport, so no logic break) as Chameleon does his Frosty The Snowman narrator impression while wearing a Scooby-Doo-equse tie. Yeah; whatever. So Phineas turns the chair around and they go through the back window and down the steps as Dragonous is nearby not impressed as he wants the ducks gone for good. Phineas apologizes for the attempt at diplomacy; as Dragonous claims that the ducks must not know about Project X. We then see a dome covered arena and not much else to say about it as apparently the heels have a Krackpotkin Plan to solve this problem. So we scene change to the Arrowhead Pond and into the arena as the ducks are skating on the ice for practice as Phil is begging for them to be reasonable. As in reasonable profits!
Wildwing and company blow him off as Nosedive and Tanya pretty much tell Phil that they are not doing business with a snake like Phineas. Phineas Flynn-Fletcher is ANGRY! Or maybe not. Tanya goes to the puck bucket and brings out a puck with a red heart on top and claims that this is her lucky puck from Puck World. She also looks like she's cracking up as Duke notices right away. Tanya is homesick and wants to go home so she doesn't have to deal with vipers. Nosedive agrees; unless they are under a rock as Duke does understand the feeling. So the ducks skate for a bit as Mallory tells us that they cannot go home until they capture Dragonous. Someone shoots the puck and Wildwing stretches to make the save with ease; and then his wrist communicator beeps as he claims that it's teleportation energy. So the ducks stop practice and transform into their armored gear. We get the CGI Migrator sequence of doom to waste time of course. The only difference is that in between the sequence we get a windshield shot of the babyfaces as Wildwing proclaims that if they capture Dragonous then their mission is completed. And what will you do to Dragonous once he's captured? Somehow; I doubt these babyfaces are thinking this all the way through, but this is David Wise booking so there you go. So after another recycled shot of the palm trees blowing around; we head to a jewelry store as the front glass windows and doors are being blasted out by the heels. Mostly Siege as he apparently enjoys making the alarm bells ring while shooting. Then we get another crappy CGI shot of the Migrator coming towards the hard camera (with very thick black outlines. I swear to GOD they are prepping for 101 Dalmatians the Series already! The Migrator rushes in and..oh; there you are Chameleon! I thought they were going to write you out by teleport for a second there. The Migrator stops and Mallory thinks that they have won already....then Dragonous teleports in and.."surrenders"? Mallory is so psyche to see him that she wants to kill him good too.
Dragonous then puts some device down on a park bench and basically proclaims that he cannot win and states that he'll make an offer by allowing the ducks to return to Puck World. His contrived acting is so contrived that in any sane universe, Dragonous would get his ass handed to him. However; I betcha the ducks fall for it because David Wise is booking and if they don't accept the offer, then the episode is over in five minutes flat. Nosedive is naturally not buying this at all as Wildwing uses the mask and this is the most detail that useless mask has ever done in it's career as it shows the coordinates...for Puck World. Wildwing claims that he is on the level and Tanya begs for Wildwing to accept the offer. Now; here's the stupidity of this: They have already committed to capturing Dragonous; and Dragonous makes an offer to have earth in exchange for the ducks to go home. This means absolutely nothing because Puck World is UNDER DRAGONOUS' CONTROL! Second; the contrived acting gives this facade away already; so Ginny McSwain screwed up big time; or David Wise has a lot more control on voices than we thought he did. So they put it to a vote: Wildwing and Mallory are smart enough to say that they stay. Nosedive & Duke say go home while Grin meditates on the matter so he abstains. So Nosedive said that this is a trap; but agrees to go home to Puckworld anyway. DUMB! So it's up to Tanya and she stammers like an idiot. And then we get one of those moments where it is clear that David Wise does not give a crap about this show: Some human wearing what appears to be punk bum gear, a bandana and carrying a spear appears out of nowhere inside the back of the Migrator. We discover that it's "Phil Palmfeather" telling them to not fall for this scheme because it is a trap! So the ducks are confused as Phil proclaims that if they want to live; touch the spear. The babyfaces touch the spear and the Migrator teleports out. The heels are relieved at this as Dragonous admits that it was a trap; and Wraith would shoot a cannon of rays to kill the ducks as he is seem on top of a building. Where has he been for the past couple of episodes?
Wraith is upset that he cannot have any fun and then the heels teleport out and leave a fire in front of the jewelry store. So we then see this entire area look like it was bombed out of it's boots as the Migrator reappears and the ducks are shocked and appalled as Phil proclaims that this is not ten seconds in the future; it's really ten years. This prompts Nosedive to say that they are running out of time as we look around the rubble. This ends the segment six and a half minutes in; which is one of the shortest 22 minute first act segments in history. So we have an idiot plot thwarted by Phil; and instead of backing the Migrator up and driving away, they touch the spear and go to the future anyway. If they just simply drove away from Dragonous and then have Phil explain the story of ten years in the future, and then teleport; then the story makes sense and it isn't an idiot plot anymore. I cannot believe this series lasted 26 episodes because it shouldn't even last past the pilot stage at this point.
After the commercial break; we return to ten years in the future as Wildwing and Phil are exchanging notes as the spear is a time machine. So why not just warp them back and then go after Dragonous NOW?! Because that would end the episode silly. Then a red tank approaches and it looks similar to the one in Puck Fiction as it faces the Migrator. The side doors open and out comes Hunter Drones. They bring out the red laser and shoot at the up roof of the Migrator. They do get a funny spot where they are ordering the Migrator to stop blocking traffic. So we go to battle mode and the laser cannon come out for the lame firefight as the drone tank is destroyed with ease. Then the Migrator backs up and leaves; and I was hoping that it would ram into the hunter drones and take them out. The I realize that the tank is in the way; so no go. Wildwing asks what is going on as Phil points out that in this time, Dragonous won and took over Earth because the Mighty Ducks left. So we drive around for a while as we exchange notes and then Phil has to force Wildwing to move to the right to avoid a Bugs Bunny borrowing spot. Phil explains that it's an Enforcer and you don't want to meet those. Of course it is Phil; because everything in this show has to reference hockey. More driving as we see a master tower from The First Face Off. Yes; this world is almost exactly like Puck World after Dragonous levelled it in the pilot. Even more amusing is that Dragonous has left earth to conquer new world; so who is running the master tower. Phil thinks that this is the zillion dollar question. Earth To Phil: It's Phineas P. Viper because he works for Dragonous and ecomony of charcters has to come into play. It's too damn bad that I suspect that none of the villains from this series like Asteroth and Doctor Droid will appear in this, then again I don't suspect David Wise even cares at this point. So we head to an empty cartered parking lot which I discover is in fact what is left of the Arrowhead Pond; which Dragonous went after first. The babyfaces get out as Phil then explains that Dragonous didn't get all the pond so to speak.
So we head inside headquarters which is rusted beyond belief which requires Phil to open the doors manually to get inside. We then see a bunch of men who look like scientists who some of the babyfaces think that the planet is doomed. Tanya blows them off because brains are better than brawl; so it was Mallory who blew them off. So we go on about Phil having a plan to fight Dragonus; which Phil blew off because he's not that good basically. However; he does have a Krackpotkin Plan which is to blow the master tower with makeshift Rube Goldberg bombs made by some scientists named after a Three Stooge that no one can care about. Anyhow; Phil knows that they blew up the master tower in Puck World; so they know how to set the bombs. The other two scientists are just window dressing for the scene of course. So we head outside in the parking lot as the babyfaces and Phil get into the Migrator. Duke calls Phil a humantirian; which is hilarious in itself. Phil increases the funny 200% by proclaiming that once civilization was rebuilt; he would make a fortune and be a star. None of the ducks blew him off as the Migrator rides around Anaheim as Wildwing asks what happened to them and Phil states that they were destroyed somehow; in which he doesn't know. Ummm; wouldn't warping the babyfaces ten years into the future count Phil? This is so stupid as they stop in front of the Anaheim Mall; or what is left of it. Nosedive wants to get out and scout the place; but Phil insists that he shouldn't go there. Nosedive blows him off because he has friends there and then some ghoulish creature with a pink hood (I think) breaks through the ground; snags Nosedive's ankle and drags him into hell. Then Grin gets dragged by another set of arms; and then we have the most low rent nuclear winter zombies in cartoon history coming out of a hole and persuing the babyfaces. Wildwing wants to save Nosedive; but no dice because Grin will protect him and the bomb is more important then they are. Yeah; I'll bet. So they fire pucks at some of the zombies; the zombies flee on cue as the babyfaces get into the Migrator and speed off. Phil is driving; which is usually not good.
Phil then assures us that most of the mutants are harmless. Yeah; I'll bet. So we scene change to in a sewer on a sky shot as Nosedive and Grin are surrounded by the mutants. We have reached self parody now for this show as Nosedive calls them mall creeps and Grin calls them devolved. The zombie do their ghastly spots while looking like they are completely pink skinned. Then we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment: We jump cut to Nosedive and Grin chained up together. WHAT THE HELL?! The zombies continue to try to scare and fail as Grin plays head games and proclaims that he feels their pain. I don't; I feel the pain of having David Wise trying to book a show now. Then out comes Mookie and Thrash looking like punk clowns; as they notice Nosedive right away and this nonsense grinds to a halt. Mookie and Thrash untie Nosedive as they think looking like deformed zombies is cool. And really; after all the comic books they read, it's hard to argue with that overwhelming logic. By the way; this is the Family Channel Canada version I'm ranting on, so there was a jump cut in the original too. So we head to the master tower AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and then to ground level as the Migrator stops in front of the door. Duke offers to pick the lock; but Wildwing wants to be direct, so he fires the puck cannon into the door and blows the door down. Then the babyfaces except for Phil get out and they are going in on foot. What was the point of blowing down the door then? Other than the contract saying that every episode must have the ducks destroying people's properties with impunity. Phil of course weasels his way out of this because he brought them here to do this deed. What a shocker that is?! So the ducks subtly mock Phil as they go into the master tower. Then we get a long sequence of Phil pondering over weither or not to help; and then decides not to as he'll keep the engine warm and watch out for car thieves. That makes sense to me. So we head to some double doors as Wildwing gives Duke the makeshift bomb and tells him to set it in there. Duke notices Tanya and Wildwing bailing as Wildwing yells that they are about to change history.
So Tanya and Wildwing force open a door and they head into a main command chamber which has a bunch of Bearlium crystals sitting in the middle of the chamber. They go over to a command computer and Wildwing asks Tanya to try to find access to what happened 10 years ago and Tanya cracks jokes about rigid gender roles that she can do. Whatever. Then Wildwing looks on the monitor and discovers that Dragonous conquered the earth 24 hours after Phil brought them to the future. So Wildwing and Tanya turn around and notice a large desk and the chair turns around to reveal a large mutant snake as Wildwing realizes that the new ruler of Earth is none other than Phineas P. Viper. I am so shocked that I am now appalled that anyone would ever deduce that it wasn't him. His head is as slimy as his body now. He shows off his snake hands and it's clear David Wise got the idea of this character from Baigan from Final Fantasy IV. Phineas gets up and starts shooting yellow spit rays at Tanya and Wildwing as they do backflips. Here's a big question: Where the hell is Mallory?! She cannot be with Nosedive and Grin; and I don't see her with Wildwing and Duke. Don't tell me she stayed at headquarters with those scientists?! This ends the segment almost fourteen minutes in. Bad episode thus far.
After the commercial break; we get a firefight and both Wildwing and Tanya get subdued and tangled in tentacles by Phineas in that order. I should note that Tanya was defeated by Phineas using the snake hand to love tap Tanya on the chest before getting snagged. That was weak! That was weak! That was weak! Then the hunter drones show up out of nowhere and then we cut back to Duke hot wiring some blue missile device attached to the door. Oh; hello Mallory, I missed you there for a second. So Duke basically picklocked the doors and they open. Then they run in with the makeshift bomb as we cut back to the hunter drones tossing Tanya and Wildwing down on their asses as we see a jump cut to some vent shaft with the panel opening with Phineas coming out as we talk some more. We discover that Phineas was told by Dragonous that the babyfaces warped to Puckworld and so this makes no sense to him. Speaking of making no sense; this revelation causes Tanya to gasp in horror because she caused this. Why? They hit the B&W flashback showing Tanya with her heart puck and admitting that she is homesick; then Dragonous making his offer for them to go home in exchange for earth. We head back to Tanya gasping again and wishing she never opened her big beak on being homesick. WHAT?! Tanya was the deciding vote. The problem with this is: She NEVER said yes we go home. She stammered and then Phil showed up out of nowhere. If she had said yes without a second thought, and then Phil came in, then this would make sense. Every segment of these episodes has to not make sense! I am watching Impact now; only in 1996 cartoon form! Phineas doesn't care because they are going to die and here comes the Enforcer borrowing up from the ground. He looks like an Abyss Worm from Final Fantasy too, only with black spiky scales. So we have the lamest fight I have ever seen as Wildwing almost gets chomped and it looked sloppy. Tanya of course channels Johnny Test in the "Should have seen this one coming". This is 1996 people! The era we old farts loved and we condemn Johnny Test for doing that spot?! Fools; all of ye!
Tanya makes more snake puns as she fires pucks and nearly gets the life squeezed out of her by the Enforcer's tail. The pucks have no effect whatsoever; so Wildwing is on the wrist communicator yelling for Phil to get in here and do something. Phil has to prep himself up to turn on the Migrator and head inside. Why didn't they just do this from the start? I'm asking way too many questions at this point. So Phil runs over two hunter drones and crushes them with ease. Phil drives like a drunk driver by the way as we head to the sewers with Nosedive, Grin, Mookie and Thrash as they exchange notes on the situation. The mutants explain that Dragonous fired a DNA accelerator on the planet causing them to mutate and their DNA to freak out. Now the mutants just find food and run over...Did they just say drunks? Did they just say that they get drugs? I have no idea what they said here and there is no captions option to help me here. So they are now underneath the master tower as Mookie tells the babyfaces to watch out for snakes. EGAH! THAT SUCKED! Grin has some rope (to hang himself I hope) and the mutants plea for him to reconsider because the Enforcer snake will swallow him whole. Like that is going to stop Grin. If Wildwing and Tanya cannot be eaten; what chance does the snake have with Grin? Apparently; animals love Grin and all the babyfaces simply follow Grin. Scene changer and we head inside the engine room as Mallory and Duke set the timer to the makeshift bomb and then simply run out of the room and outside. They then stop because the Migrator is now gone; and this means a drone tank arrives to shoot to kill, along with Hunter Drones coming out of it. Duke and Mallory bail behind a large concrete block for their protection and we cut back to the Enforcer who has managed to snag both Wildwing and Tanya with his tail as it hisses and squeezes the life out of them.
Then in comes the Migrator as it crashes through the door prompting Phil to yell that the calverly is here. Tanya and Wildwing yell at Phil to use the ice pucks because snakes are weak against cold you see. I though they were FIRING ICE PUCKS and they had no effect on the snake. STUPID! So Phil amuses me by pulling the lever (JESUS!) on the control panel and it causes the Migrator to rise up into the air causing Wildwing and Tanya to yell at him to push the big red button. It's always the big red button that does good stuff. When is the entertainment industry going to stop putting this red button into a rigid gender role and let it be itself? Phil pushes the red button and the ice pucks actually make the snake sell; causing Phineas to scream no like a bad cartoon villain. Geez; Thaddeus E. Klang this guy is not. So Wildwing and Tanya get into the Migrator and the Migrator bails. We head outside for more shooting between Mallory, Duke and the drones. The drones actually grow a brain and destroy the barricade that Mallory and Duke were hiding behind. It's a miracle! There is hope for these hunter drones after all. Dragonous' efforts were not completely in vain! Then we get the Enforcer rising up out of nowhere and Grin is controlling it with a rope despite us never seeing this happen. So there are either two Enforcers; or David Wise is an idiot. My money is on the later. Yes; Nosedive is riding on it's back with Grin, why should anyone be surprised? So the snake destroys the drone tank and the hunter drones bail. Nosedive and Duke jump off as Mallory is demanding to know where the Migrator is since the bomb is going to go off. Out comes the Migrator with lots of time to spare as all the faces get in, causing Wildwing to ask where have they been. Nosedive claims that they have slithered in; and the Migrator bails stage right after that. So we head back to Phineas cheering up the first Enforcer like it is a child and we hear rumbling coming in and the whole master tower explodes like a bomb. So Phineas and Enforcer are forced to go underground to escape as they go through the hole in the ground.
So the Migrator is outside and they tease having the tower land on them with the shadow; but the tower misses them by a country mile, it explodes and that is that. Then we scene change to a safe spot as Phil gives Wildwing the spear and informs him that he set it to five minutes after they left; which gives the team 24 hours to stop Dragonous. Wildwing asks if he is sure and Phil claims that he can be trusted, prompting Duke to blow him off. Considering that there is three minutes left, Phil clearly got it wrong. There is no goodbyes here as the ducks touch the spear and it and the Migrator (somehow it got teleported without touching the spear) teleport out. So we head back to five minutes after they left. At least in theory as the jewelry store has been magically repaired. This should have been a clue that Phil got this wrong. The Migrator and the babyfaces appear as the ducks are happy that Phil got this part "right" and they have "24 hours" to stop Dragonous. Wildwing asks Tanya if she wants to go back to Puck World and she answers no without question; because she'll hunt down Dragonous if it means for the rest of her life. So now it's time to CDS this episode because we have about 2 1/2 minutes left: Nosedive picks up a newspaper and realizes that this is Saturday's paper; so in other words, Phil went 24 hours too late, which Mallory claims that it's more like 24 seconds. How about MINUS FIVE MINUTES?! Because he would have started the invasion by then. So now we scene change to the metal dome as Dragonous, Phineas, Siege, Wraith and Chameleon come out. Phineas assures Dragonous that everything is ready and the alien heels all get into the dome as Dragonous wants to commence Project X. Chameleon talks about having pancakes afterwards, and no one cares what he thinks. So we get a flying sequence for a while with the Aerowing (how?) as Wildwing proclaims that Dragonous is about to bring out a super weapon, causing Mallory to ask what he is talking about. So we cut to a far shot of a dome and the retractable roof opens to show off...wait for it...Project X: AKA Raptorous Mark II, Raptorous X.
Yeah; that is their weapon to conquer the world in 24 hours. Basically; it's a souped up version of the Raptorous without the need of Bearlium crystals. Dragonous actually looks smart here as we see the heels in the cockpit of the Raptorous Mark II; as then the Aerowing comes in and somehow an orange laser shoots at them well before the heels can fire anything. WHAT?! Dragonous cannot believe this and neither can most of the heels. Chameleon's explaination is hilarious as he is basically doing a duck version of the birds and the bees. Dragonous completely ignores him and proclaims that they cannot stop this ship; which is exactly what Nosedive sezs inside the Aerowing with Wildwing piloting. Geez; the cockpit looks weird for some reason as Tanya is wearing the Duck Rocket Suit Of Doom as she got information in the future about the things weak point. She explains as she is dropping from underneath the Aerowing that she needs a direct hit into the vents to bring it down. Wildwing pilots and starts running interference on the thing while Tanya comes around and finds the circular hole which I guess is the ventilation shaft. She fires ice pucks into the hole and this causes the back of the ship to explode into stinky color gas. Dragonous panics on cue while Chameleon does a Bozo The Clown impression which isn't all that funny. So the heels teleport out and somehow Phineas returned to his building (so it was in Anaheim? So he was causing the pollution there) and the Raptorous X crashes into the top of the building 9/11 style and he wasn't killed because we would hear from him again in Bringing Down Baby. That feels more and more cringeworthy as the years go on after 2001. We cut to Nosedive putting his feet on the console and saying that they put Phineas out business twice in one episode. Stop doing that Nosedive; you are not Michaelangelo. Shouldn't it be three times since you put his business deal to buy the hockey team out of business as well? So we jump cut suddenly to an elevator with Tanya asking about stopping that future and Wildwing proclaims that as long as Dragonous is still around; the future is always in doubt. So they leave the elevator and go towards Drake One as Duke states that the amazing thing about that future was Phil showing courage and not being a scummy lawyer; which even Mallory has to concede on that front. So Phil is sitting down in front of Drake One and somehow he heard them coming in. He turns around and blows them off because they missed a photo shoot for a spread in Duck Hunters Quarterly. HAHA! Only Phil would be scummy enough to put them in a hunters magazine. Wildwing sighs and proclaims that he'll give it ten years or so while doing the Gruffi pose and that ends the episode at 21:10 approx. Not as bad as the last rant; but almost twice as stupid. ** 1/4 (45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this was the big episode that I thought would be good on paper; but the execution was bad as usual. Most of the problems stem from the obvious idiot plot designed to make Tanya look stupid. We are supposed to believe that Tanya's perfectly rational response was a bad thing. Tanya never got to decide for herself because future Phil cut her off and the episode basically sent them to the future anyway. Most of the plot in the future was decent enough; but there was a number of logic breaks and jump cuts. Much of this was not funny; save for Chameleon joke about the birds and the bees. At least the finish and ending were okay this time so it wasn't god awful like Bringing Down Baby; but it is still a disappointment when the animators and David Wise are way off base in spots. And watching out for snakes is getting so old as a meme that it's not enjoyable in something that should be coming from some company on a shoestring budget rather than Disney. Overall; a below average episode. So this upcoming weekend is the next six shorts of Dave The Barbarian, which is getting more fun than Mighty Ducks ever was. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.