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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - Beaks VS. B.R.A.W.N.
Reviewed: 07/18/2014
No Surprise Since This Show Has No B.R.A.I.N.S.!
Well; here's the next Mighty Ducks episode as we do an offshoot of New York's Shinest from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1987 as a giant robot police officer is trying to turn Dragonous in (which is making a new toy to rule the world with); but gets reprogrammed into a duck killing machine. So; how does this episode do? Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by David Ehrman and story edited by David Wise. David Ehrman debuted as a writer on Dumbo Circus in 1985 and then from there: Dennis The Menace (1986 edition), Sylvanian Families, Divorce Court, Freddy's Nightmares, The Super Mario Brothers Super Show, Captain N: The Gamemaster, The Commish, Promised Land, La Femme Nikita, JAG, Hack, 24, Supernatural, Danger Rangers, The Secret Circle and his most recent credit: The Fosters. Mighty Ducks The Series is his DTVA debut and only known appearance. He has 41 writing credits, ten production credits, three other credits (The Busy World of Richard Scarry) and one acting credit (The Church) to his resume. The animation is done by Sunwoo Animation.
We begin this one near a mountain range BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (Sunset) as we pan over to sand whipping around and a blue portal opening to reveal...a giant bronze statue. We cut to a shot of his right hand as it sezs B.R.A.W.N. with a police like badge surrounding the name. So he looks at his wrist communicator and it has a red target found somewhere. So it looks around and finds a trailer park with a single lone trailer. So he uses his radar and it manages to show the Raptorous in disguise. To which I reply: Of course! So we cut to a shot of a wall with a poster that reads "The Mitey Ducks" complete with surprisely reasonablely accurate looks. Siege fires his laser gun and destroys the poster as Wraith comes in to inform Siege that once he has the power of his ancestors he is infallible; which Siege is blindfolded. Siege takes the blindfold off and blows this whole religious crap off. Oh hello Chameleon; about time you showed up after almost two episodes of impression free action! So Chameleon turns into a German white haired shrink whom asks about Siege's feelings which actually is funnier than when Dave tried to do it. Dragonous enter the room guarded by two robot drones as he blows off Chameleon who is still doing his impression of a shrink; then sits down at the computer and pushes a red button to reveal a red CGI image of what appears to be a cross between a train and a skateboard. Apparently; he wants to build a hover chair and I yawn because Wraith points out that it lacks the ability to fly. Dragonous proclaims that this will be fixed as ruling the mudball he calls Earth is sort of theraputic for him. Then we get on the monitor and we see what appears to be Captain Klegghorn's dorky teenage son; complete with glasses, red hair, red tie and a brown vest and sweater combination with a white shirt. Dragon calls him Doctor Swindle; which Swindel hates because he claims to not be a thief. I would be more concerned with the fact that Dragonous is using Swindel as a useful idiot in his scheme here because Dragonous wants to oppress HIM. So Swindel gets blown off; and Swindel shows off the anti-gravitional device which looks exactly like a metal mailbox.
So he turns it on and Swindel floats into the air with the box and he's out of sight quickly. Dragonous is happy and orders Swindel to teleport it to his ship at once as he turns off the monitor. Dragonous proclaims that nothing can stop him now; and then the door gets blown up. In comes BRAWN (but no BRAINS of course as you will see soon enough); as apparently, Dragonous is prisoner #476. So he's implying that Dragonous is a war criminal which doesn't surprise me one bit. Dragonous backs up as the two robot drones (I wondered why they were there to begin with); start shooting at BRAWN (but no BRAINS) and BRAWN MURDERS them into scrap. Siege runs in and smacks BRAWN with his tail; but gets clobbered as a result. Wraith uses his fireballs; but no go either as everyone but Chameleon bails because he has to do a stupid impression while firing his laser gun; which is destroyed by BRAWN (but...you guessed it. Now the joke is hammered dead into the ground.). Chameleon proclaims that he left a pie in the oven which did make me giggle. So they go into the hallway and seal the door shut; but BRAWN breaks through it with ease. Chameleon looks sicker than usual judging by his dark green color as Dragonous basically informs us that it's an anconym which is as confusing as the mail order delivery sevice in Your Baloo's In The Mail; and not as cool as OWCA in Phineas & Ferb. Dragonous claims that he was in Limbo Prison serving time for war crimes as he pulls the conveniently placed lever (JESUS~!) and the purple beams nail BRAWN and that actually stops him. Umm; yeah. Siege states that he'll drain the Raptorous in 15 minutes this way; however, Dragonous goes over to the back of BRAWN and opens the panel to reveal a red button. He pushes the button telling us that he is reprogramming him to go after a new target. If you cannot guess who the targets are; then I cannot help you here. So Wraith, Siege and Chameleon back up in terror; as Dragonous asks BRAWN if he accepts the orders. BRAWN basically sezs yes and then walks out with Dragonous saying that duck season is officially open. For once; Dragonous looked good here.
So we head to inside the Arrowhead Pond with a sky shot of the rink as the ducks are playing the Louisana Crawclaws (I think that's the name and if so, that is a neat booking name at least) as there are 20 seconds left in the game according to Roy Firestone. So Nosedive does a side bodycheck on one of the players; and intercepts the puck. He passes it to Tanya who is on a breakaway towards the goaltender; and nothing can stop her now. Then the puck gets destroyed by a purple beam as we see BRAWN has crashed through the boards right next to the Louisana bench. He gets on the ice and he shoots at the ducks and anyone else that moves; as Phil is in the stands and this is an exact quote: Someone is trying to destroy my team..AGAIN! That was great. More purple laser shooting which has machine gun sound effects as Tanya wonders what the hell is this thing. It's BRAWN (but no BRAINS) as Duke isn't amused while Wildwing wants to drive him away from innocent people. Ummm; hello Wildwing..THE PLACE IS EMPTY! It would be more dangerous to lead him OUT of Arrowhead Pond than it would be to CONTAIN him. Idiots! So they taunt him and BRAWN follows them out as the ducks transform. They run out of the pond AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as BRAWN goes through another wall. The ducks bring out their puck guns right to fight. By the way; did you know a bullet from a 9 MM gun travels at seven times the speed of a puck after it is slap shotted? Apparently; BS&P doesn't. So they shoot exploding pucks and cause about two million dollars worth of damage, causing a lot of smoke (which is worse than usual) as Nosedive cuts another lame Michaelangelo style promo. So BRAWN completely no sold this and made the ducks look like vandals. Why doesn't that surprise me?! Okay so; they bail and stop almost instantly as Captain Klegghorn arrives in his police car. Klegghorn comes out and within ten seconds accuses the ducks of being up to no good again. He demands evidence for this robot thingy; which BRAWN shows up and shoots to destroy Klegghorn's car which explodes on just two shots.
The funniest part of this is that Klegghorn turns into ash and soot instantly as he flies from the explosion, kind of like the lead character in Die Hard when he uses the exploding cuckoo clock. Klegghorn's version of it was less cool by the way. I should also note that when he blew off the ducks for a lack of evidence, he tells them that they should write cartoons instead. That made me laugh. Wildwing and Nosedive come over as Klegghorn barely gets up admitting that this is indeed evidence of wrongdoing not caused by the Mighty Ducks. So you're going to overlook their vandalism again eh chief? Everyone bails as Klegghorn is calling for backup which we will never see. BRAWN continues to stalk the babyfaces for a while; and then we get a really dumb exchange between Mallory and Wildwing. Now; Wildwing wants to divert BRAWN away from the city which is fine; so Duke suggests a construction site a block down the road. That's not the stupid part; even though it's lame. Mallory proclaims that she wants to crush this robot now; so Wildwing states that if they don't get him away from the city, then they are no better than Dragonous. This is AFTER they destroyed part of a parking lot and part of a street with their exploding puck guns. Yeah; and they are the babyfaces. Screw this show! I should also note during this that Nosedive is still cutting dumb Mikey promos as he runs off; and you know that Wildwing's promo was awful because Nosedive points out that it is a moral message. Screw...this...show! So they turn around towards the construction zone; which in reality is a badly designed brick wall which Mallory gleefully blows Duke off for. So BRAWN shoots at them; while the ducks counter with exploding pucks again.
Cue SMW Ricky Morton promo~! I should note that when BRAWN was shooting first; his shots appeared on the far shots to destroy the brick wall; but on the closeup of Nosedive they were merely bulletholes. Sigh Sunwoo. So then we get a dumb moment in this: BRAWN shoots to kill and manages to destroy the wall which should have the ducks buried in the rumble. I'll explain that in a second. BRAWN uses his radar on the rubble and then proclaims that the targets have been terminated as we go to the rubble on the closeup and that ends the segment almost eight and a half minutes in. Now this sounds good; but remember that I said "should" earlier? Well; as BRAWN was destroying the walls; the babyfaces (including Wildwing with Ice Shield in hand) dodge debris and exit stage left out of sight before the rubble can come down on them. Which BRAWN reacts as if they were terminated. David Wise needs help at this point because he has lost touch with basic logic at this point. Other than this; this episode is just there...
After the commercial break; and I predict that the babyfaces will break logic and be right underneath the rubble anyway, thus it is a BS&P spot which should have had Wise being told: BOOK A DIFFERENT SPOT! So BRAWN proclaims that the ducks are destroyed on a different shot and walks off. Then we discover that indeed; they were buried right underneath the rubble; but had gone into the sewer, which is even worse since there is no indication of a porthole to go into. Why does this show test me so? So the babyfaces all lift a big ass pipe off of Grin as Duke complains about the landing; while Grin complains about the ringing of his ears interfering with his meditation. Wildwing proclaims that they need to get them to the hospital at once as we cut to a nuclear power plant as Dragonous is explaining notes with Doctor Swindel; who Dragonous is still calling him Swindle. Swindel (Rob Paulsen) blows him off again as we see the anti-gravitional device floating around before Swindel grabs it again. We then pan down to see various drone workers working on the new hover platform (which Doofensmirtz probably lifted from him, the cad); as Swindel gives him the bill which Dragonous reads. Dragonous is pissed off because this is several million more than they agreed upon. Geez; I wonder why they call him Doctor Swindle? Here's a clue Dragonous: When someone is named "Swindle" never make deals with him/her. You are wasting your time and money. Swindle claims that it's for taxes and other dinging like that. Dragonous rips up the bill and tries to steal the device; but Swindle backs up, showing no fear whatsoever as Siege stalks him with the laser gun who likes this job. Siege fires the gun and Swindle has a vest device which allows him to create a forcefield generator. Dragonous runs in proclaiming that it's his while his eyes and nose are flashing red. Why? I don't know. I don't really care. Swindle gets on the railing and floats away with the device without turning it on at all. How about that? He floats out of the nuclear power plant as Siege recocks his laser gun. Dragonous proclaims that he must have that generator because he cannot use the assault platform without it. Yeah.
So Dragonous goes to his wrist communicator and it's BRAWN on the line as Dragonous tells him that he has new order to terminate. Three guesses as to who it is; and the last two don't count. So we scene change to a sky shot of the city as we see the Migrator driving in the streets while Mallory and Wildwing exchanges notes because Duke and Grin were not badly hurt. So why aren't they with the attack squad? I think you need all the help you can get; except for Nosedive probably. Tanya is not amused with having only three ducks left for the fight as Wildwing continues saying that he wants no pointless destruction, which THEY already caused. Mallory proclaims that she'll get her shot when he's in range. This leads to the FPS shot of BRAWN walking in as Tanya points out that they are now in range; which BRAWN responds by turning his arms into a tire rotation like device. He grabs the Migrator and tosses it to the ground on it's side complete with white bolts on the ground. Then he just walks away stage left as Mallory notices this as the babyfaces get out; prompting Tanya to deduce that he's after someone else. Wildwing asks who and we then cut away to a bunch of payphones where Swindle is manning the payphones while auctioning off the anti-gravitional device which made me laugh for some perverse reason. He is also stepping onto the bag which I bet contains the device too as he has a winner for $7 million; prompting BRAWN to shoot his purple laser which is turning into a Transformers laser (Good! If you are going to do lasers; do laser sounds. This melts the phone on his left as he tells the person who won to meet him in the mall in 20 minutes with cash. He proceeds to bail as BRAWN chases Swindel with Swindel saying "nice robot" over and over. This fails worse than "nice kitty" as the babyfaces all run in with Wildwing protecting Swindel with the Ice Shield. They drag him into the abandoned building of the night as Swindel protest this outage some more. BRAWN destroys some windows and walls for fun as the ducks (plus scummy tweener) run out and bail. BRAWN walks out and somehow loses them on radar; and then walks stage right. DUMB!
Yeap; all BRAWN and no BRAINS! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ZAP! OUCH! Umnmmm....So Swindel is relieved as he is holding the bag while Wildwing demands answers as to why BRAWN is after him, which we discover from BRAWN when he sees him that BRAWN informs them that Dragonous sent him to terminate Swindle. Swindle is goldbricking; but the device is turned back on and it's floating in the bag as I expected it to be. It also explains why he had his foot down. Swindle continues talking about light lunches, prompting Wildwing to use the mask on the bag, which exposes it as an anti-gravity device. So Wildwing grabs him by the vest and threatens violence on him if he doesn't come clean about this situation. Like a heel who was talking about not causing pointless destruction on the city. Swindel claims that Dragonous wanted to buy his device; but he refused to do it to a monster. This is actually a reasonable and believable statement which Wildwing doesn't buy anyway; prompting Swindel to cut a American Capitalism promo, which was cute at least because he's scummy. Speaking of scummy; Sunwoo's color stylist is horrible here because Wildwing's mask is changing from gold to white to gold literally frame by frame with the shot on it the whole time. This is like exposing a blade job in wrestling. Mallory blows it off as we get more laser shooting and the front door of Suite Chalet is blown out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! I can just hear Phil Palmfeather right about now. BRAWN comes out and Wildwing demands that Swindle give him the device now. Swindle simply bails into what appears to be a Western themed restaurant you would think as Wildwing calls him out because BRAWN will cut him to pieces. So the ducks run into the Western Themed...clothing store. Okay; that is sort of creative. BRAWN destroys a glass window with dolls behind said glass; and then somehow teleports on the very next shot. More shooting and dodging as we get another firefight with pucks while Tanya and Wildwing talk about getting a clean shot of him.
Mallory blows it off because it has better reflexes than they all have. This inspires Tanya as she shoots her puck gun at a conveniently placed mirror and it bounces off the mirror without doing any damage whatsoever to the mirror; but it reflects off Tanya and it's positioned to bounce the purple laser shot right into BRAWN's head which drops the robot; and it goes dead. Now this is actually a good move; but it requires the mirror to be made of a material which is stronger than regular glass. Oh well; it was cool, so I'll take the logic break anyway. The babyfaces come over and inspect BRAWN as Mallory notices the insigna on the right back of his hand; as Wildwing is familiar with this dude as they are intergalatic bounty hunters...or IBH's. Wildwing wonders who BRAWN was really after and Tanya claims that he'll tell them once she re-programs him again! So we head outside Captain Comics with Swindle and some business suit who sounds like Chameleon in a another convincing disguise; exchange a briefcase and the bag containing the anti-gravitional device. Chameleon is referring to himself as Robby Eastwood The Third because Swindle thinks that Robby's reputation is not on the up and up. So Swindle gets the briefcase and Swindel blows Chameleon off for getting his name wrong again. Swindle puts the briefcase on the car and he just opens it to inspect the bills; which pissed him off as he grabs some of it and yells that they are old newspaper clippings. Geez; what a shock that is?! Chameleon finally reveals himself as he proclaims that money doesn't have a comic section. Are you listening Richie Rich?! So Wraith teleports out of nowhere and steals the briefcase as he tells him to have a rotten day before both he and Chameleon teleport out. The newspaper clippings go flying and Swindle is Swindled and protesting this outrage. I believe that is the payoff to Doctor Swindle and it's perfectly acceptable cartooning. So we scene change back to Tanya fixing BRAWN as his red eyes glow. BRAWN wakes up and he sounds like Frank Welker doing a Nosedive job complete with robot noises. So THAT'S why Nosedive is out of the picture then?
He sounds like a low rent Bumblebee which is fitting considering his low rent paint job. So the Mighty Duck introduce themselves as Tanya is second guessing this turnover a new leaf; as BRAWN tells them that he is after Dragonous while sounding like he a comedy dork. Wildwing explains that they were after Dragonous too; so BRAWN wants to join forces. Sadly; they use the CGI hockey ice scene changer before Wildwing can answer as we head back to the nuclear power plant. We pan up the smoke stack as the assault platform (which is a lame name for it; should be the Dragonous Death Strip) floats into the sky and reminds us of why Chameleon is the smartest heel in the show regardless of how annoying he can be sometimes. Dragonous is at the look out of the platform as he does his usual "I have won and no one can stop him" speech as he wants to pound Anaheim into submission. I think the real hockey team is doing a fine job of that sir. So head on the concrete walk of Anaheim Mall as we see Mallory, Tanya and Wildwing walking out with BRAWN. They exchange notes on the situation as BRAWN apologizes for his stupidity as he also tells them about the assault platform as Mallory has a hard time buying that the device can float a warship. Tanya claims that it's possible which Mallory asks why they should trust a robot who tried to MURDER them about ten minutes ago, and then the Assault Platform of Lameness arrives over the ducks as we hear Dragonous ordering Anaheim to surrender or be destroyed, prompting Mallory to reconsider what she said. Yip; that ends the segment over 16 and a half minutes in. Swindle was actually decent and had a good payoff. Otherwise; an average episode thus far...
After the commercial break; we see the AP flying over Anaheim as it shoots a laser and destroys a section of a building which pieces comes down and somehow most of it misses the police car of Captain Klegghorn drives in with the police car. Dragonous orders the drone robots and the AP to kill the ducks and crush BRAWN, thus officially turning on BRAWN. The ducks come over to the stopped police car as Klegghorn comes out; noticing BRAWN coming in and looking fearful because he did destroy Klegghorn's first police car. Klegghorn wants answers to this outrage; and Wildwing points to the AP as proof that Dragonous exists. So the AP shoots at the babyfaces and they all bail underneath the bus except for BRAWN. Klegghorn's second police car gets destroyed to which I reply: "Damn; that was COLD!" as then out of nowhere, a white helicopter lands on the street. WHAT?! Wildwing asks if he can borrow the helicopter after Tanya states that the only way to take the thing down is to take out the anti-gravitional device; and Klegghorn proclaims that Wildwing can borrow his underwear if need be. If this was today; there would be a payoff to this; which means no buys! So we see the helicopter take off and go into the cloud chasing the assault platform. Cut to a shot of Dragonous as he notices the helicopter coming towards him. He orders the drones to get them as three of them get into position to shoot two missiles at the white helicopter. Note that there is a logic break in all this; but that can wait as Mallory and Tanya bring out their puck guns as they shoot and score, because we cannot go five seconds without an in your face hockey promo. The missiles are destroyed of course; and then the helicopter lands on the assault platform as we see a robot drone manning the steering wheel of the ship. All the babyfaces come out and BRAWN is also out. Now; BRAWN looks to be as big as the entire helicopter itself; and there's no way he could fit in there; even though on other shots; the helicopter has lots of room for him. Bad form there guys! Dragonous order the drone to kill them and we have a firefight with BRAWN literally playing meat shield.
Wildwing tells Tanya to set the explosives while Mallory and Wildwing shoot pucks at the drones and destroys them. Tanya dodges laser fire and then climbs up the bronze plated tube as we pan up to the driver driving. Wildwing notices this and just shoots a puck at the driver and destroys it as well. Tanya gets up and opens the engine to reveal the anti-gravitional device which looks different for some reason. Tanya is trying to get it out as BRAWN and the babyfaces continue to win the firefight with the heels. Dragonous is on top proclaiming that he'll have to do it himself. Wait; so where are Siege, Chameleon and Wraith in all this? I do not like where this is going as he pulls the lever (JESUS~!) to reveal a crimson painted wrecking ball. BRAWN foolishly gets underneath said wrecking as Dragonous blows him off. Mallory notices that Dragonous has started dropping the wrecking ball on BRAWN, so Mallory tackles BRAWN out of the way as they take bumps onto the platform. Now this was pretty good on Mallory's part and probably the best moment for her in this series thus far. So Tanya has set an explosive and it's timer on the anti-gravitional device as Mallory is now agreeing with Wildwing on no pointless damage. To Mallory: You saved him to redeem yourself for not trusting BRAWN because he was a robot who was reprogrammed. So all the babyfaces get into the helicopter and fly off as the robot drone play high jump on the helicopter and it's an epic failure on their point. So we get beeping and closeup of the bomb; then a shot of the helicopter flying into the hard camera as the device explodes and destroys the anti-gravitional device. The platform takes a Z-gradish nosedive (oh the irony?!) as Dragonous get flown up into the air and then a green teleport portal appears and he teleported out. So as the platform is freefalling; Tanya suddenly remembers that there is one tiny detail she overlooked....they forget to steer the platform away from Anaheim. Damn; these ducks are so dumb that it must be terminal. BRAWN then jumps out of the door of the helicopter; which is suddenly open for no reason. Wildwing yells for him not to do it; but it is too late.
So BRAWN flies onto the platform and steers it into the mountains outside Anaheim where it completely explodes off-screen in a finish that I saw at the end of Gundam MS 08th Team. So we have a huge fire as the helicopter flies over the fire as Mallory closes her eyes and calls him noble in roundabout terms. So we scene change to the fire being out and the platform being in hundreds of pieces as the babyfaces are on the ground. Mallory states that BRAWN could not have lived though this as Tanya asks why BRAWN did this. Mallory basically proclaims that it was because they couldn't hurt innocent people and sezs it to Wildwing as if to say: "It was your idea; and BRAWN is dead because of you're "No innocents dead" mandate!". If so; BRAWN is a robot. No one is going to care if he gets destroyed or not as Swindle comes in out of nowhere protesting this outrage; which Wildwing takes it as a job well done. They are about to leave when suddenly, BRAWN is speaking about being left there. The ducks rush in and pull out some of the debris as BRAWN's head is still intact. How about that? Sadly; his personality hasn't changed a bit as Wildwing wants Tanya to bring it back to headquarters for safe keeping. Tanya proclaims that he could be useful which BRAWN accepts without question as he wants to talk about the weather play crib and do other boring stuff like that, as he sounds like Lance Russel sometimes with his DUBBED ANIME STYLE swearing. Mallory wants Tanya to find some spare personalities as we see in the background Swindle sifting through the debris yelling that he'll never trust lizards again. I wish he wouldn't trust Sunwoo for putting him in shadow when the ducks are leaving stage left. This ends the episode at 21:07. Bad logic and dumb booking aside; this was a really decent episode with Swindle and Chameleon doing well as usual. Poor Klegghorn has got to get some armor on his police cars soon; or he's going to run out. *** (60%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I don't have much to say about this episode other than what I said in the rant: This was a decent episode which featured a good finish and Swindle being a scummy scientist who got outsmarted by Chameleon which proved to be useful yet again, while Wraith wasn't a useless load like he usually is. I just watch he, Siege and Chameleon were not written out by teleport after Chameleon got the anti-gravitional device. There were the usual BS logic breaks, animation mistakes and BS&P'ing that annoys me; but it wasn't all that bad this time. BRAWN was fine and most of the babyfaces kept their heelish moments in check for the most part. Overall; not a bad episode, but it could have been better. That's about all I can say on the matter. So I'll be doing a Dave The Barbarian episode on Sunday as Saturday is my birthday, so HUZZAH~! So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.