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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - Buzz Blitzman, Mighty Duck
Reviewed: 09/20/2014
Buzz Blitzman, Low Rent Zack!
So we have finally reached the final two episodes of this short series. One is a good one and one features Buzz Blitzman as he needs protection from Dragonous; in which the ducks wonder why, with Buzz pleading the fifth so to speak. Yeah; I just hope this is perversely entertainment at least. Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode was written and story edited by David Wise. The animation was done by Sunwoo Animation and Studio B.
We begin this one on a hilly roadside AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark); or a storm is brewing in the sky. A car drives to a spooky haunted mansion and stops. A old man wearing glasses and a brown trenchcoat comes out of the car with a black briefcase in his left arm. The man walks to the house and the door suddenly opens. It reveal a green skinned zombie like butler with black hair saying "good evening"; which indicates that it might be a monster movie or Chameleon in a crappy disguise. Frank Welker voice clearly indicates that it's Chameleon, and sure enough it is. So Chameleon offers to have him come inside which the men follows him. Somehow; Chameleon changes into a butler with a red trenchcoat, grey hair and flesh colored skin. Huh. Yes; the haunted house is disguised as the Raptorous and Dragonous is inside. Dudworth Chameleon addresses the guy as Freddy Fingered. That was super creepy in hindsight as the guy is from Unbridled Technologies (the sign on the monitor screen when Freddy walks in is a classic Mighty Ducks moment because the t is incomplete in "technologies" on that sign), and Freddy comes in looking scared. Probably scared to be on this show. So Dragonous turns around and wants something valuable as he is now called Singer. So his full name is Freddy Singer? So the briefcase drops onto the floor and opened to reveal papers; including a blueprint which Dragonous claims is part of a formula for Bearlium crystals; however, it is useless without the second part. Freddy tells us that the second part is inside a scientist's head and he is too stubborn to tell anyone. So Dragonous rubs Freddy's chin with his fingernail and then tells Chameleon to take care of this little problem. This prompts Chameleon to transform into a plumber....ERRRR...I mean; best technologist in the damn world. Not funny at all. So Dragonous demands Freddy tell him who is the scientist and the guy claims that Dragonous will be surprised by who it is. So we head to Unbridled Technologies, which is a huge industrial building, like you would see in a industrial park. We hear Roy Firestore yelling that the Mighty Ducks have won once again. Okay.
So we head inside with a shot of a small television on the desk as it plays recycled footage of the Mighty Ducks touching sticks that we have seen about a dozen times by now. Then we cut over to a teenage boy sitting cross-legged on his bed which is designed to look like a race kart (complete with legit tires in the front). There is also a green towel, a book and a remote control on the bed. The boy has blond hair with a nasty combover, glasses, purple vest, white shirt, green shorts and white sneakers. Come to think of it; he looks like Honker Muddlefoot if he was a human crossed with Max from Mighty Max and Zach from TMNT. And of course; the color stylist sucks as the white sneakers are really white/purple to match the vest. We uses the towel as a cape as he is Buzz Blitzman, and he wants to be a crime fighting duck, which to me is child cruelity. Being a Mighty Duck even more so. He's the midnight avenger with a bad hairstyle and he strikes terror in the dark. Yep; he wants to be Darkwing Duck when he grows up...even though he is on a show trying to get ice hockey over to children. Yeah; you are reminding the audience of how much Darkwing Duck rules, and thus reminding the audience of how much Mighty Ducks suck! Buzz looks under the bed (by the way; like Rebecca from 101 Dalmatians (in the immortal words of Juan F. Lara:), in DTVA; there is only one Buzz and like Rebecca, he's on a furry show.) and finds a pink piece of paper as apparently, the Mighty Ducks are making a PR appearance at Wacky Golfland tomorrow as Buzz wants to meet them. Then out of nowhere, he mentions Mallory as the babyface he wants to meet. So this is how they are going to have Mallory have her time in the sun: By being a boy's crush. NO BUYS~! Not even in 1996! Not even in 1956! Not even before the woman's sufferage movement. Buzz grabs a purple hockey stick and tries to mimic a slapshot and he falls on his back and ass like a complete dork; which is fitting because he is a dork.
Then the door slides open and in comes a fat, blue suit wearing man with brown hair as he calls Buzz, Bernie; in which Buzz completely blows off. I'm guessing this guy is confusing Buzz with Bernie from Gundam 0080: War In The Pocket who was turned into hamburger last time I checked. The Frank Welker clearly gives away that the guy is Chameleon and he further gives it away by reading a script like a cue card about some crystal like fuel; which is supposed to be Bearlium crystals again. Buzz claims that it's right here and he refuses to tell anyone about it because he wants to be free from this place. We then discover that the guy is not Chameleon as he claims that he cannot allow Buzz out of Unbrided Technologies because people would be after him for his formula. So in other words; Buzz is a prisoner all because he has a game changer. The boss walks out as Buzz proclaims that he is seeing the Mighty Ducks no matter what. So he goes to his multi-screen computer desk and starts typing some stuff as we see the monitor of crap and numbers. The guise of this is that they only officially open the doors during the fire drill session. So yes; Buzz has to depend on a "safety measure" to free himself. So Buzz opens the sliding door to his room and practices the fine art of not being seen. Here's a better idea Buzz: Why not just call the Mighty Ducks for a PR appearance? It would be so much easier than to rebel...Oh wait; never mind. 1990's kid: Breaking out against company orders is so bodaicous and rad to the max, man! Geez; I probably said this better than most 1990's kids. That's horrifying. So Buzz passes Plumber Chameleon fixing a pipe; and then PC asks for some assistance as Buzz blows him off because he's busy. So Chameleon blows his cover and grabs Buzz, just as the fire alarm goes off. You wish this was not a drill! You wish this was not a drill! Buzz stomps on Chameleon's foot and runs right out of the building without as much as a single guard anywhere. Chameleon does a 1/12 to inform Dragonous in the cockpit that he screwed up; and Dragonous is pissed off. Chameleon points out that he put a homing device on buzz; but needs reinforcements.
Dragonous is not exactly thrilled about this; but he calls for Siege as we head to Siege welding metal to an escape pod somewhere in the Raptorous. Dragonous informs Siege that he has a job for him on his wrist communicator. Scene changer of doom and we see the Aerowing literally land in the parking lot of either Unbridled Technologies or Wacky Golfland. I was hoping that the two areas were literally side by side just to make Buzz's boss look like a total heel, but I doubt David Wise would put that much thought into writing a decent script. So the ducks come out to a decent crowd popping at them; as this is Wacky Golfland; as the babyfaces are wearing their alternative color jerseries on stage along with Phil Palmfeather. Wildwing looks at the sign and is in disbelief that this PR joke actually has heat. So a clown with a bicycle horn wearing a red baseball cap, white facepaint, curly orange hair, a purple shirt, a red king's robe, purple shorts, white gloves and a crown on top of the baseball cap. He is also carrying a yellow spraypainted golf club (which looks like a septor) because it's a golf course DUH! The poor guy even has a name, I think it's King Duffau as he welcomes the ducks to his golfy kingdom. Yeah; this is dumb as Duke proclaims that this kills off their dignity. Cue laugh track! Phil blows him off because King Duffau is a VIP... of a gold course. Buzz runs in through the crowd and shoves a few people like a rude kid. What a shock?! He gets on stage (he really is Luke fon Fabre from Tales from Abyss) and cuts a promo on all six babyfaces, which is a praise promo. I was hoping that one of them would say: "Are you confusing us with Drake Mallard?", but Grin claims that he is not allowed to play the Aerowing. Yes; he was referring to Buzz, not himself. Even though it would be funnier if it was; as Buzz sounds hyper, thus I was confusing him with Digger. Tanya tells him that if he accepts an autograph; would he go away, in which red laser fire ensues and the denizens of Wacky Golfland scatter like ants. The banner gets fired on and it bursts into flames while Siege and four hunter drones all run in.
They shoot the stage to collpase it and also shoot the entrance to the golf course which is a giant clown head which looks super creepy. It squashes the babyfaces along with the wooden stage; and somehow, not only are the ducks uninjuried, but Buzz is as well. In Buzz's case, he acts like he didn't do anything but stand there and nothing happened to him. He might as well been written out of the spot by teleport; and then written back in by teleport; which is probably what BS&P wanted in the first place. So Buzz is cheering them on like the annoying dork that he is (at least he is supposed to be annoying in the storyline; instead of characters who claim to be likable in character sketches and turn out to be the most unlikable characters ever in most modern cartoons.) as he goes over to Mallory who is using the puck launcher because in storyline, Buzz admires Mallory. Remember that Mallory has yet to have an actual focus episode; which is eeriely similar to Fimberly from Fish Hooks where she only was great in See Bea Ski before doing her gimmick of being a bump machine and generally getting abused like a filet of fish meat. Mallory blows him off for being annoying as Wildwing grabs him and puts him in the field of plastic colored mushrooms. This sounds so wrong for some reason. Buzz proclaims that he wants to fight with them and wants a puck launcher. No you do not Buzz! Quite frankly; merely cheering the Mighty Ducks as a kid is basic evidence of child cruelty. So Wildwing forces Buzz down to shut him up. Then we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment: All the babyfaces run to in front of a castle; so I'm guessing that this is a mini golf course. The firefight ensues as Siege order the robot drones to get Buzz as Siege wants to run interference. Mallory is confused as the babyfaces finally get that they were after Buzz all this time. Well; there goes the suspense right there, but it gets "better". So Siege throws a gernade and all the babyfaces have at least three routes of escape: The sides, and running towards Siege as it's 6 against one advantage babyfaces. So what do they do? They run into the castle, the gernade explodes and the babyfaces get buried in a rubble tomb to end the segment almost eight minutes in. Way to go David Wise! You rendered all six of your top babyfaces into idiots just so you could go to commercial break when you have up to FOUR minutes of time to finish act 1! This episode is no good thus far; and lacks the perverse entertainment value Huey Duck, P.I. had.
After the commercial break; the castle collapses again as Siege finds Buzz in the plastic mushrooms and grabs him as he is property of Dragonous now. Damn; another plot device I stole for my fanfics (hint: Badwin Pentaknight sees Kit Cloudkicker as property to him.). Seige is about to walk away with Buzz; but the Mighty Ducks rise from the tomb with Wildwing cutting a promo on Siege. Siege turns around and Buzz is swinging around cosplaying like an annoying dork. Sheldon from Big Bang Theory needs to bleach his hair blond and dress like Buzz; it might get all of his heat back. Or maybe not. So Siege turns around again and Wildwing rushes him; grabs Zach...ERRR...I mean Buzz; and Siege gets shoulder tackled into the out of nowhere conveniently placed pond with a resounding splash. That sequence looks so awkward, that the animators gave me whiplash for no reason. Siege then gets up and there is a plastic frog wearing a top hat spraying water in Siege's face. You know you are really sad as a show when even stealing from Warner Brothers is considered way too passe for the kids to care about. Siege crushes the frog of course; because he's mean. So we cut to the Aerowing taking off while Siege cuts the "I'll get you for this" promo and then we cut to the Anaheim Mall and then to Captain Comics as Buzz is running inside the store on a far sky shot. He continues to cut this promo acting like Darkwing Duck, even though he is supposed to be inspired by the Mighty Ducks. Earth to David Wise: Kids will tune out when they realize that Buzz is burying the very babyfaces this show is trying to get over. There is a conveniently placed arcade machine called Space Zombies, in which Buzz is playing white light with circles as aliens. Pfft; whatever. So he plays video games and calls the aliens scum as the babyfaces are about ten feet away wondering what happened. Well; something thought it was "Wise" to do this story, that's what! Speaking of what happened: What the hell happened to Phil Palmfeather? We have not seen him at all since Siege has arrived. Another victim of "teleport plot device syndrome" and this is getting dumber by the minute.
So the babyfaces ponder over why Dragonous wants Buzz and Duke proclaims that they might be able to get him to talk about it (because he refuses to speak; even though we have not seen the babyfaces ask him to begin with) with the right duck. All of them then look at Mallory doing the Gruffi pose and she refuses point blank on this; because she knows that this is bullcrap. This is too stupid even for her. She is above this. Mallory claims that she would rather eat a bowl of worms. Knowing this show; I was expecting Nosedive to bring in a bunch of worms in a bowl as a dare. That would actually be funny; but I doubt that will happen as Duke points out that Buzz has a crush on her. Mallory is getting more and more pissed off; and we are suppose to laugh at her. So she walks behind Buzz and claims that he is a bright kid (no he is not). She asks why Dragonous is after him and Buzz's response is: You have a lot of enemies in the hero business. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. He continues to play video games and Mallory is already tearing her hair out in frustration; and getting more and more pissed off by the second. Even she realizes that this idea sucks. Mallory grabs Buzz and blows him off for fooling around as an orange laser fires and destroys the arcade machine. We cut to the door as Chameleon is firing a laser on his backpack all while shouting promos in the megaphone. This was great. Chameleon claims that he cannot be stopped; so Wildwing fires three pucks and manages to destroy the laser causing Chameleon to reconsider stopping on the megaphone. Then in comes the hunter drones; because we need more robots like TaleSpin needs more aliens. No; I'm not quoting Stickin' Around again and wasting my A material on this episode. So Buzz has a puck gun and shoots pucks at everyone; which Toon Disney kept in it's entirety. Okay; this is a prime example of why Toon Disney's editing out bullet shooting was so laughable: You're not allow to show a shot of Officer Malarkey shooting a machine gun (you are allowed to see the bullets though) at Baloo in a festive party hat.
Yet; despite the fact that the gun is stylized to look like a laser gun; it is shooting an object that is bigger than a damn bullet; and is treated as if it was a bullet! This is not a laser gun; the puck is like a bullet. So since that is the case; you would think Toon Disney would edit out Buzz grabbing the puck gun and shooting pucks with it because it is completely mimickable. Nope; they show it all before Mallory grabs the gun and blows him off. Now granted; Toon Disney did keep Honker shown shooting a rifle in Darkwing Duck, but why is it okay for kids to be shown firing guns; but adults are edited out?! Most so a police officer?! This is why conspiracy theories of TaleSpin being downplayed have some nugget of creditability. I realize that this is a moot point now that TaleSpin is on DVD; but That Sinking Feeling and all of the Mighty Ducks episodes are not on DVD, and in the case of the later, never will be. It's stupid. The reason for editing is not the stupid part here. Buzz claims that he was only trying to defend himself...ERRR...I mean help as Mallory pokes Buzz's chest with her finger and tell him to get out of her face before storming out. Buzz then blows her off and turns on heel to run through the back door; because his crush has crushed his hopes and dreams. It's difficult to have sympathy for Buzz when he's no Kit Cloudkicker. That's what happens when you making him annoying in storyline. It's clear that they were shooting for Plunder and Lightning part one; but no one can top Kit Cloudkicker, so why bother? So the firefight inside the store continues as Nosedive kills one robot drone; the rest follows. Chameleon cuts to a commercial promo; drops the megaphone and teleports out. Hilariously; the megaphone teleports out with him as the comic book store is an epic mess (at least it was the heels fault this time) and then Thrash and Mookie pop up from the checkout counter. That makes three characters now that have been written in by teleport in this episode alone because I never saw them until right now! Wildwing wants to know where Buzz is; so they go out back to find that the Aerowing is intact and not moved an inch.
So Mallory goes into the Aerowing and comes out with a Duck Cycle as Nosedive wonders what happened to their #1 fan. Mallory then admits that she snapped at him for no good reason. Actually Mallory; you did have a good reason: He was shooting a F'N gun! When someone was shooting at you like an idiot; anger is an apporos response. In fact; it would be scoiopathic not to be pissed off at. I realize that Buzz is suppose to be annoying in storyline; but Buzz crossed the line into "dangerous to society" annoying in storyline. Mallory puts her helmet on and proclaims that she is going to look for him. Wildwing tells Nosedive to second her and Nosedive gets on the duck cycle behind her as their helmets are basically headbands with plastic shields on them. How in the hell would that thing protect your head?! which is the whole point of wearing a helmet. STUPID! Also of note: Nosedive is joining and he is the kind of character that would have gotten this plot if the execs didn't realize that Mallory doesn't have a focus episode yet. STUPID! So we head back to the Raptorous for the "Dragonous is pissed off at the heels failing at plan #666" promo at Siege and Chameleon. Dragonous yells at Chameleon for failing to capture Buzz and Chameleon panics, claiming that they are having an off day as Saurian Warlords. Geez; the ducks of Puck World are huge failures as heroic babyfaces if they couldn't take down three heels who cannot even catch a 12 year old boy. Siege changes the subject as he proclaims that the Assault Vehicle is ready to squash the ducks. Sadly; no patte references were made in this episode, just to complete the cycle of stupidity on this show. So we cut into the town of Anaheim with Mallory and Nosedive on the duck cycle as Nosedive calls this a wild goose chase because Buzz could have gone anywhere. Mallory deduces that he was talking a secret place; and she deduces that he went to an abandoned theme park to play superhero. I don't get how this makes sense, but we head to an abandoned amusement park which is old and broken down; and Buzz is sitting down sniffling while throwing rocks down in front of the fountain claiming everyone hates him.
Geez; I wonder why. You are as hyper as a modern babyface on a modern cartoon, you nearly killed the Mighty Ducks when you grabbed their puck gun and you refuse to talk about why Dragonous wants him in the first place. Although; that last one is understandable because none of the heels have told Buzz why they need him in the first place! I should note that the pillar statue is a picture of Triton on a seahorse. So if this were booked by someone who is not a moron; Siege and Chameleon should have arrived and captured Buzz, just like Don Karnage caught Kit in Plunder and Lightning (which is what this episode is shooting for here) to increase tension and suspense, and give Mallory a chance to redeem herself for acting like a jerk (justifiable, but still...) in saving him. So what does David Wise do? The duck cycle arrives with Mallory and Nosedive right in front of Buzz. This episode really really sucks now! So after all of this comedy (which most of it was not funny); Mallory sits down with Buzz, and like Kit Cloudkicker admits that he is alone and has no real family of his own. David Wise was watching Plunder and Lightning while writing this; and he didn't give a damn. Buzz's parents were killed in an accident of some kind. If only we knew what happened to Kit's parents (which if some Usenet userr is to be believed; they were killed in a bloody way.). So we get basically Baloo and Kit talking about Kit being an air pirate; only it's Buzz and Mallory whom I don't care about at all. There was zero heat for this; because I don't care about either Buzz nor Mallory in this case. I realize that the point of this was an attempt at classic Disney pathos; but Disney blew their load on this in TaleSpin. No one should try to do pathos in Disney at this point; unless you are Gargoyles where you have to since that show lacks comedy value. So we exchange notes; and Buzz basically gives away the whole reason Dragonous is after him without realizing it. Now; Buzz goes on about Mallory hating him; which Mallory denies, even though she hated him for the entire time Buzz was with them in Captain Comics.
Then Buzz goes on about telling them that they would take him back to Unbridled Tech if they knew what he did. Then he simply tells them that he works on jet fuels, rocket fuel and the flavor of Mallory's favorite bubble gum. Nosedive proclaims that he is on edge since the heels have ambushed them two times already in this episode...make it three because we get orange laser fire. Before this happened; Mallory and Nosedive frisk Buzz and find the homing device Chameleon put in the back of the purple vest. Hunter drones teleport in to shoot; and I know this because they were sparkling as we see them firing. Yes; the Triton seahorse statue was destroyed and no one cares. Chameleon teleports in from behind and grabs Buzz; while the hunter drones surround Nosedive and subdue him. They then start beating him down; and it looks so weak. Mallory is on her knees looking around for her puck gun. She finds it and tries to shoot; but the hunter drone shoot at what I discover is Mallory is under the merry-go-round and she gets buried in rubble collapsing. Wow; this makes sense for a change. So the drone capture Nosedive; and Buzz's struggling is so damn weak that I cannot take this seriously at all. The heels teleport out and that ends the segment 14 and a half minutes in. Still no heat to make me care about Buzz in this episode.
After the commmercial break; we focus a shot of the rubble which was the run down merry-go-round; and Mallory just simply climbs out of the rubble as she was in a spot where there was no chance of her getting injured at all. Mallory goes to her wrist communicator and we head back to Drake One with Wildwing and Tanya as Mallory tells them that there was a homing device on Buzz; and they captured him and Nosedive. Wildwing asks why they want Buzz and Mallory states only that he works for Unbridled Technologies, but not that he works for them on jet fuel, which is the more important point of this. So yes; even though Buzz clearly mentioned what he works on, she still doesn't tell them that. Tanya tells Mallory to put the chip into the Duck Cycle control panel (which she does); and use the homing device to find the source which should be the Raptorous which it does find. So we head inside the Raptorus as Nosedive is in some sort of brain extraction bed tied down with metal pipes. The sliding door opens and Chameleon brings in Buzz who is cutting promos on them; and then gasps in horror seeing Nosedive. Then he continues to cut promos on the heels like Darkwing Duck on speed. For a guy who has a crush on Mallory; he sure loves to steal from Drake Mallard. Apparently; Buzz has his arms tied behind his back; but we never see them during this whole promo cutting. Knowing what I know in The First Faceoff; Buzz probably intentionally put his arms behind his back to play mindgames with Dragonous. Sadly; they did remember to tie his hands behind his back when Dragonous yells at him to shut the hell up basically. Good luck on that Dragonous! If he's channeling Drake Mallard on his promo cutting; he'll never shut up. Basically; Dragonous threatens to launch Nosedive into orbit in five seconds which is the wimpest form of torture ever. Even Nosedive thinks this is stupid; because he has no problems with getting launched. Buzz then simply gives up in four seconds and gives him the formula which is mixing three chemicals (one of them is legit at least); heat it to 3000*F and let it crystalize; prompting Nosedive to blow him off and Dragonous cheers. So basically; we played Secret Of The Juice; only there was zero heat on anyone. Now; I hope Buzz gave him the wrong formula or Dragonous loses the right one at the finish because if not, then David Wise deserved to be fired at Disney.
Buzz continues to cut promos on Dragonous (he is exactly like Zach now; without the Rob Paulsen voice, nor the heat) as Dragonous tells Chameleon to put him on the table and launch both Nosedive and Buzz into space while he starts his conquest of earth. Chameleon puts him on the table saying that Dragonous knows how to aim high. I find conquering earth to be aimming sort of medium there Chameleon. Then we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment: Chameleon puts Buzz on his back on the table; the instant Buzz makes contact with his back on the table; scene changer. Problem is; they used the puck scene changer, so we saw two seconds of a screen being frozen with that final image before the scene changer completed. You couldn't use a regular scene changer? We head outside the Raptorous haunted house of doom, as Mallory arrives in the Duck Cycle and blows off the disguise of the Raptorous. Then we scene change to in the city as the Migrator appears with Wildwing driving it. Duke wants to speed it up so they can capture Dragonous as a bonus prize. Yeah; I'll bet. Then the assault vehicle drives in and the backgrounds here are so Darkwing Duck-ish; it is not funny. Siege is driving the damn thing as the Migrator does a U-turn and bails; while the assault vehicle fires on it. Chase scene ensues; CGI assault mode is given to the Migrator in the cell-shaded shot (which is basically the exact same one they have used in this series); Wildwing turns the Migrator around and fires blue lasers causing the vehicle to no sell (but the backgrounds become cardboard again). They try to ram into each other and that failed badly as both sold it as if they were hit; but no damage. So we head back as Chameleon is tying up Buzz with stretchy pipe rope as Buzz continues to cut promos on Chameleon. You are not Bart Simpson before Homer took over as the lead in The Simpsons; Buzz! SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY! Chameleon does two back to back impressions; one of them was from The Hooneymooners and the other one might be Carl Sagan, but I don't care because here comes Mallory to actually do what should have been booked about five minutes ago.
So Mallory states that no moon trips are coming today (Chameleon wanted to launch Michael Angelo and Zack...ERRRR...I mean Nosedive and Buzz into the moon); uses the puck gun, the rope puck comes out and ties up Chameleon in one shot. I'm perfectly fine with this. Mallory has a dagger and she slices the pipe to free Buzz; prompting Buzz to cut yet another full of himself promo. Again; Buzz is booked as Mallory's #1 fan, but acts like he's the #340,540 fan of Darkwing Duck! So we head back to the thrilling Migrator Vs. Assault Vehicle fight that no one cares about anymore. Firefight ensues; and they are basically shooting the front of each other and none of the shots are working. We then see the side computer as Buzz motions over to Nosedive and Mallory to look at the screen showing the stalemate. Buzz types on the computer to look for structural weaknesses and he finds that the side laser cannons are weak in terms of integrity. Then we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment as the Migrator actually tries to fire to the side as if it already knew where the weakness was; but the lasers fire on the Migrator and somehow that was enough to fling the Migrator into the side of a building and debris crumbles from the top onto the Migrator. That looked horrible on film and made no sense. Then Buzz who is wearing a headband helmet like the other ducks is on the screen telling Wildwing to aim for the side cannons; just as we cut to a shot outside of Mallory, Nosedive and Buzz on the Duck Cycle. Yes; they somehow got out without Dragonous noticing them. STUPID! So here's the finish everyone: The ducks get out of the Migrator to draw their fire. Now; the key is they have to open a plug on the side cannons and plug it up with something to destroy the Assault Vehicle. Grin and Tanya get on the side cannon; Grin pulls out the plug and cuts a promo about armor being an illusion. Then take the armor you have on then Grin! Tanya puts in a puck (which blinks green) into the hole and then Grin and Tanya jump off. The AV blows up on cue and Siege is forced to teleport out from the cockpit as the AV stops completely and explodes.
So we scene change as the babyfaces meet the duck cycle as Mallory praises Buzz for stopping Siege; but Nosedive blows it off because Dragonous still got the formula. Buzz then admits that he never thought the formula through and therefore he has no idea if it will work or not. Then we get a really rare awesome non-verbal cue in this show from Buzz for all people. Buzz is doing this creepy chuckle after he cut this promo; and despite the babyfaces not selling it at all, he then stops and has the look of saying that "Uh oh. I might still have FUBAR'ed this world!" Awesome spot; the only one from him in the episode. Also; David Wise somehow has created a fourth out: The formula is real; but it's defective so it might not work. This is actually the best writing I have seen from David Wise (in theory) since Risky Beesness actually because it allows him to be defeated without looking so stupid since he got faulty information that could have easily worked. So we head to the Raptorous as Dragonous starts the engines with Siege as they go over their victory promos. The Raptorous is uncloaked and then it launches into the sky and then we go to the shot of the engine as the "Bearlium Crystal" is floating in a glass chamber; and it wobbles. The thing shatters and this alone causes the back engines to explode. The Raptorous nosedives into the ground as Dragonous and Siege panic. Dragonous orders Siege to turn on the cloaking device. Siege turns the cloaking device on; and that is that. Dragonous is pissed off and claims that he was tricked. No you were not Dragonous. Freddy tricked you into believing that Buzz knew the formula completely. It was a defective formula. Siege wants to kidnap the brat and torture him his own way (which would be great to see actually); but Dragonous blows him off. Dragonous wants to find his own crystals even if he has to go to the ends of the earth to do so; as long as he never sees this kid for as long as he lives.
Yes folks; Dragonous is scared of a 12 year old boy. Even worse; Dragonous was never annoyed by the kid and in fact was dominating him. He even got to make him give up the formula in four seconds! Now he hates him so much that he doesn't want to see him again despite having a formula that could have been modified TO WORK because the formula he gave was LEGIT! I officially take back what I said. This finish is stupid! And fitting because the cloaking device chose an outhouse as a disguise. David Wise has just admitted that he is making this show stink. So we head back to inside the Arrowhead Pond as we head to the press booth; and Buzz is with his boss and all the babyfaces including Phil Palmfeather as Buzz is wearing a Mighty Ducks' jesery; and basically, the Mighty Ducks officially adopt him as a Mighty Duck. I would be perfectly fine with this if Buzz was coming back as a regular character of the series; but we will never seen him again. I believe Jeff Bennett voiced Buzz by the way. Wildwing praises Buzz and asks if he wants anything else and Buzz has one thing in mind: A ride in the Aerowing because...why not?! So we get the Aerowing flying out of the stadium and Buzz Blitzman is piloting the damn thing. So yes; Buzz managed to do all of Kit's spots in Plunder and Lightning and Flight School in one episode; and none of it had any heat and no one cared, because Buzz is a one shotter in this show. Nosedive does make me chuckle by wondering if the Mighty Cows have openings for hockey players; because he's air sick. Mallory doesn't give a damn as Buzz is cutting his promos while flying. All of them are as annoying as they have been in the episode as he quotes the episode title for the second time in the episode to end the episode at 21:06. This was an epic clustermuck that tried to do Plunder and Lightning on a one shotter that means absolutely nothing in the end; and had no heat whatsoever. We had a "good in theory, stupid in practice" finish; logic breaks, everyone looked stupid. David Wise was more concerned about getting Buzz over, then getting the storyline over and it shows really really badly in this case. ** (40%) and I'm being very generous here.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this end is thankfully over and I came in hoping to be perversely entertained by this since I knew coming in that David Wise was writing a low rent Zack into the mix. You can clearly tell the trappings of the "Fifth Turtle" plotline as the ending was that Buzz was adopted by the ducks in a deal as he is a Mighty Duck now with freedom (while still working for Unbridled Technologies on the side). Problem is that we will never see him again; so it means nothing and they probably should have ended it with the outhouse. The finish sounded good on paper; but it didn't work because Dragonous wasn't really annoyed by Buzz. Buzz's formula was in fact legit; he simply didn't think it all the way through, which means Dragonous could just modify the formula to make it work instead of going after other sources. This makes him look stupid again and not in a good way. Buzz was exactly what I expected: A Kit Cloudkicker wannabe combined with Zack and Mighty Max, with the brain power of Honker, but lacks the foresight of Jackie. He was annoying as hell; but that was what he was supposed to be in storyline, although he was only annoying when he was cutting promos. The other major problem with this episode is that they built this as Buzz wanting to see the Mighty Ducks; and yet he was cutting promos and sounded like an average fan of Darkwing Duck; which is not what you want when you are trying to get kids to watch the show and watch the NHL by extension. There were a lot of dumb moments in this one; and some of the animation was horrible. Mallory was actually fine here and even the heels were fine until the stupid finish. Overall; this was an epic clustermuck where David Wise thought he was Mark Zaslove, Len Uhley and Alan Burnett and could write a pathos story about an orphaned kid with the ability to create new technology for other companies; but it didn't work because Buzz was basically a crazed fan who had brainpower. Much harder to create sympathy heat with. So last up is To Catch A Duck and if this is not a **** episode; this will be the worst series I have ever ranted on. Sure; Quack Pack had six negative star episodes; but that can be placed at the feet of bad politics and BS&P notes. This on the other hand is bad because it was a bad idea. Also; to Disney: Treat puck guns like a bullet shooting gun because they are basically the same. Okay?! So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.