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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - The Iced Duck Cometh
Reviewed: 07/01/2014
Is This A New Flavor Of Iced Tea Or Something?!
So our next episode for Canada Day is going to be the first episode that aired after The Final Faceoff aired. It's a story of the ducks stuck in the middle of dealing with Dragonous who is trying to burn the planet in order to power up the Raptorous while at the same time some yeti-like aliens try to freeze the planet in order to conquer. All while Nosedive create a tank out of a zamboni. This might actually be interesting to watch. Let's rant on shall we...?!
I don't know who wrote nor story edited this episode. The animation was done by Animal-Ya.
We begin this one with a far shot of an observatory AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we zoom in and then go inside to the giant telescope as Siege and Wraith are removing the lens for Dragonous. To which I reply: Of course! So Dragonous is impatient because he wants the lens for something as Wraith is using a screwdriver to unscrew the lens. Yes; a contempable ghoul with a flaming sword, decent magic uses a screwdriver. That made me chuckle. Then he senses something "fowl" so to speak as Siege blows it off claiming that no one will touch him as the doors of the observatory open; and in comes Wildwing, Nosedive and Tanya with ND and Tanya carrying puck guns. Siege isn't amused and as he rips through the metal to get to the lens; out comes a red drone robot that looks like an insect; and it is big ass too. I'm skipping the dialogue because it is so cliched that explaining the action would be a better bet. The babyfaces are shocked and appalled as they shoot their pucks at the robot which the robot completely no sells. Okay; someone is playing Final Fantasy VI and took the invincible Guardian robot from it to apply it to this show. Only this robot can move as the robot brings out the dozens of guns of doom which is enough for the babyfaces to bail out of the observatory as we get an explosion which does almost zero damage whatsoever (the robot does do some damage to the wall; but no crumbling); because BS&P don't give a damn about logic and reason. The babyfaces get into the Aerowing which Duke is piloting; and the Aerowing launches into the sky. Aerowing shoots a white missile; but the robot destroys it easily with a yellow laser from it's eyes. So Nosedive asks about more bright ideas as Wildwing brings out the WII ELECTRIC LASER GUNS OF DEATH as they shoot and hit the robot. The robot then does a lot of goofy selling which Nosedive proclaims that it likes it like Mankind likes pain, or something. Then they use the suction cup ropes (which was stolen from Gadget Hackwrench no doubt) to snag the robot and make it go into the air; so the robot uses the buzzsaw from inside his hand to cut the ropes loose; landing on his feet on the ground.
So Duke is panicky while Nosedive wants to nail it with water balloons. Somehow; if these writers gave a damn about writing a good show, the water balloons would factor into the robot's demise. However; Wildwing wants to use the super laser and we get a laser gun which shoots a blue beam that is deflected back at the Aerowing. The Aerowing barely dodges it and Wildwing wants Duke to fly around for one last shot. Wraith and Siege come out with the big ass telescope lens and Siege gives the lens to the robot calling him Tiny. Then they use the wrist communicators and all three heels teleport out with the lens. In other words; the heels squash the babyfaces with ease. The Aerowing simply flies into the clouds as the babyfaces are dejected about being schooled with ease by Wraith, Siege and a big ass drone robot. So we head back to the Arrowhead Pond shot outside; and then underground inside the command room as the babyfaces are at Drake-1 sitting down and exchanging notes on the situation. Wildwing deduces that Dragonous is using it as a weapon; but Tanya thinks he is using it for power because the lens can be used to gain light from the sun to create solar energy. Now personally; this makes sense in the grand scheme of things and Dragonous would be stupid to not consider that option. However; the whole thing is ruined with Nosedive talking directly at the hard camera saying that "they" are bugging them to make the show more educational. Oh; this show is so not ripping off every TMNT spot you ever saw in 1988-1996 inclusive. No siree! Pay no attention to the hypocritical copyright maximalist behind the curtain. Wildwing proclaims that Dragonus' plan will not be environmentally friendly. Oooookkkkaaayyyy. So them we head to a junkyard (IT'S UNCENSORED BABEE! Not.) as we pan over to a tower with Siege and Wraith on top with the lens installed on what Siege calls a Solar Siphon; which is a neat booking name someone needs to steal for a better show than this. Dragonous has been in the Raptorous cockpit the entire time proclaiming that he is coming in for a landing. So the Raptorous lands in the front of the Solar Siphon.
Dragonous tells Chameleon to cloak the Raptorous into something that will not blow their cover as Chameleon does the same voice impersonation he did for Smartass Bubba in Bubba's Big Brainstorm but doesn't bother to change into the said personality that the voice was shooting for here. He didn't even change into Smartass Bubba from Ducktales despite the fact that there are already SIX anthro ducks as the main babyfaces. That was lazy as the Raptorous changes into a beauty parlour. One that looks like a generic TMNT building. Siege walks to the door as Chameleon comes out acting like a dork as usual; and then we cut away to the engine room where there is a pile of orange juice ice pop crystals in the background as Siege and Dragonous are connecting two wires together. Wait; shouldn't Chameleon be doing this kind of work? The crystals power up and Dragonous proclaims that soon enough, he'll rule the world with this power which renders Nosedive's educational line to the hard camera as just a cheap laugh. Siege proclaims that he gets New Jersey which shows that Siege is a total moron. Puck scene changer of doom and we return to the Arrowhead Pond in the morning as Tanya, Duke and Wildwing skate to center ice as we exchange more notes. Why didn't they exchange these notes about three minutes ago when it mattered more?! Also; the most important note was they explained where Mallory and Grin are at the space shuttle launch because they are performing energy experiments; thus Dragonous! They are still confused as to why Dragonous is ignoring the obvious plan here as we see Nosedive coming in with the most loaded, most toxic and most manliness zamboni known to mankind and Gyro Gearloose. Tanay sums up the zamboni and Nosedive in one complete package: goofy, useless and stupid. Nosedive is still better than Drake Mallard in that regard; because it's not REALLY STUPID. Duke blows off the zamboni and then Tanya deduces that the lens could generate a lot of heat; so they should go to Drake One to look for hotspots. Then the buzzer rings out of nowhere which Wildwing proclaims that practice is over. There was no practice here!
So we head back to Drake One which is completely empty and then jump cut to Tanya typing on the computer who is proclaiming that something is wrong with the computer because it's -10*F out there; which Duke calls impossible. So all the babyfaces run outside to the parking lot and it's snowing; and the ducks step on the ice and slip, slide and pratfall on their asses in that order. Yeah; this is so not making sense here. Anyhow; the ducks are confused about this sudden change in weather as Tanya proclaims that the cold air is coming from Palm Springs as Duke calls it the "desert resort"; so I'm guessing it's California which is less dumb than Palm Springs Florida, which would mean the weather patterns are going ass backwards. Which is what the writers should have been shooting for here. Tanya tells Duke and Nosedive to stay to monitor Drake One for hot spots; while Wildwing and Tanya deal with the mystery of the snow in Anaheim. Duke and Nosedive go back in as Nosedive talks about watching for polar bears. Scene changer ensues as we get a pan shot of snowy Palm Springs as we see the Migrator driving on the snow and it spins around about five times before crashing into a snowbank. DUMB! So Tanya is inside protesting her lack of use of snow chain; as I discover that Wildwing's boots can double as skates, making the previously slip-slide scene making Wildwing look like a complete idiot in the process. So we head back outside as Tanya and Wildwing are speed skating. They skate for a while and then Tanya notices on a long pan shot that there is an ice sculpture in the distance; which Wildwing blows off because it's a spaceship made of ice. So Tanya and Wildwing skate in as Tanya makes a stupid comment on the place being colder than Puck World and it's -50*F. Earth to Tanya: If that were true; you two will freeze to death within minutes. So we discover a computer console with a sun like globe on top; which has picture buttons to indicate weather conditions; so this is in essence, another plot device involving a weather machine. So now we are channeling Captain Planet & The Planeteers.
Wildwing wants to shut this thing down and then we hear Jim Cummings' voice yell at them to Freeze as Tanya is shivering no problem to this spot. We see two aliens yeti-like creatures wearing Mega Man X style armor; one has a grey helmet with a spear on top; while the other one looks like a headdress which is blue in color with a coin on the front. They both fashion the exact same style beard; only in different colors. The grey alien is addressed as Commander Xenon and the blue armored one is Emperor Xyloid who are voiced by Jim Cummings. Ecomony of voices indeed! So these two yeti aliens want to conquer Earth and literally hate talking because they go blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. Tanya points out that from a techincial standpoints; they are not earthlings; which the aliens do not give a crap about as Xenon brings out a laser gun proclaiming that this will stop them cold. Ummm; hasn't the cold in the air already done that to Tanya and Wildwing?! That is kind of redundant methinks. So Xenon shoots his ice gun and it hits the two babyfaces flush and it pushes them back and they break through one of the spaceship walls; and flop onto the snow below. Now considering the cold; you would think this laser gun would freeze the babyfaces. Nope; they pop up and pretty much stop selling cold altogether. DUMB! So Xenon proclaims that their ice robots will destroy them; and Xenon's dialogue is so slip-slod that it has to be intentional. No one; not even aliens talk like this, even as stereotypes. Then we see a bunch of ice robots appearing and they look like Ice Crystal Icicles; which tells me they are now channeling Doctor Who which is not good at all. Tanya calls them a bunch of oversized snow cones; which is something even NOSEDIVE would hang his head in shame over. Smooth one Tanya, smooth one as the segment ends nine and a half minutes in. This is just there...
After the commercial break; we have the babyfaces backing up from the Icicle Robots of Doom. The robots shoot exploding neon green icicles which the babyfaces dodge easily. Wildwing shoots a puck and it destroys one of the robots. More robots form from the icy structure as Xyloid proclaims that anyone interfering in their plans will result that complete termination; which Xenon proclaims that they are taking over the planet. More shooting from Wildwing as he proclaims that they should get in line because Dragonous got here first and he make you two look like the Bobbsey Twins. WHAT?! The reference is that they are from a children's novel which is from 1900's; and that they are not twins at all. I realize that a new version of this was made in 1992; but still, it's way before the target audience was even born. This is so random; everyone in modern cartoons will steal it. Xenon proclaims that they are not scared because they have ice water in their veins. I think the line is supposed to be cold blood in their veins (because veins are often blue which is the color of cold); but BS&P won't allow it. Despite the fact that six years ago; Kit Cloudkicker said that he had flying in his blood at one point. So the Ice Robot throw snowflakes as ninja stars; which is the best part of this sequence, and one of them knocks off the Onmi Tool cufflink Tanya was wearing. They get knocked down on their asses and then they simply get up. They skate around the robots and shoot pucks at them; which destroy all the robots in a heap of moans and melted ice. Xenon then brings back his laser gun (which did almost nothing previously); cuts a promo about being on ice and then fires it. It creates smoke around the babyfaces and they are encased in ice crystals last seen in Guardian Legend; an obscure NES shooter featuring a spaceship that turns into an woman android who wears almost nothing. So Wildwing shoots a puck inside; and it just bounces around in the ice so Wildwing tells Tanya to go for the Onmi Tool; but that is no good because her cufflink contains the tools. Why didn't she build the Onmi Tool in her actual armored suit? BS&P RULEZ I guess! Still makes Tanya look stupid though.
Wildwing is panicky as he goes to his wrist communicator to Nosedive while a ice door opens and out comes an ice tank which appears to be an alien version of Nosedive's zamboni machine; only icy blue. Emperor Xyloid proclaims that the memo to Commander Xenon (who is driving the thing) is that the Cold War has begun. The Cold War ended in 1991 by the way; five years before this show existed, which shows that all cartoons use pop culture references and the old farts don't realize that their old shows used pop culture references because it was popular culture back in their time. So we head back to the snowy junkyard of doom with the Raptorous being a TMNT style beauty salon as Dragonous notices that the solar energy is completely shut off and blames it on incomptence. So then Chameleon comes in impresonating a weather man in a green coat and pants with glasses on proclaiming that it's Old Man Winter; and then does a makeshift weather forecast as it is 20 degrees below except for the valleys which is 30 below. Dragonus slams his fist on the console of the Raptorous and we see on-screen outside and it's snowing. Dragonous calls this odd; and then we cut to in the streets of icy Anaheim as we see Klegghorn shivering in the streets whining about this weather and wonders if it can get worse. It does as the Ice Tank Of Doom rumbles in as it has a megaphone speaker on it. They order Klegghorn to surrender, etc, etc. Klegghorn brings out his gun and shoots a yellow laser bullet that pings off the glass dome; which surprises the heels. So they shoot ice missiles at Klegghorn which Klegghorn barely dodges because he's an out of shape doughnut eater; and in runs the Zamboni Machine of Losers driven by Nosedive with Duke as the backseat driver. Yeah. Klegghorn panics with his gun as we get the firefight of doom because the Zamboni Machine and The Ice Maker (as Nosedive would say); the instant this happens, Klegghorn praises the ducks after months of tongue lashing them for being no good. Yeah; Klegghorn is such a coward, what a shock?
So then the Ice Maker shoots a snowball which gains about ten times it's original size and MURDERS the side of the Zamboni Machine; but it spins it around about ten times doing no damage whatsoever. I should point out that Nosedive did say that they got the communication from Wildwing, so it's fine. Wildwing shoots a missile at the front of the Ice Maker and it actually breaks off the front of it. Wildwing celebrates like an idiot; because the Ice Maker reforms as Xenon continues his contrived, arkward style promo for fun. Nosedive is shocked and appalled; but then sees to his right, a conveniently placed gas station which causes Nosedive to jump out of his Zamboni Machine and run to the gas station; leaving Duke to panic because he has no idea how to drive a zamboni. What a peon Duke is?! So Nosedive mocks the heels and they turn around to fire at him. Nosedive dodges and the snowballs of doom nail the gas tanks; causing them to spew out gasoline. Considering the amount of friction causes to open up the things; I would have thought the snowballs alone would be enough for the gas to ignite and explode. Of course; it doesn't because Duke has to shoot the laser. So Nosedive yells at Duke to do it now and Duke pushes a button and that plays the radio. HAHA! Nosedive yells that it's the blue button which Duke is confused because the machine contains five blue buttons of various shades. So Nosedive yells that it's the dark blue button and of course the heels are so stupid that they have to stay in one spot the entire time and fire the snowballs. So Duke pushes the dark blue button and it fires a laser at the gas tanks. Nosedive bails stage right and keep in mind; if this were real, Nosedive would have been roasted to death by the heat. So the gas station blows up; and the intense heat is enough to melt the ice tank; but not melt the zamboni machine; nor the ice tank's glass dome. Yeah. So it's Xenon and Xyloid against Duke and Nosedive as Xenon is litterally shooting snowballs from his gun. Duke brings out his sword and it is ON BABEE!
Duke runs in and gives a love tap to the snowball gun Xenon was using; and it it gets cut in two. Yeah; that was so not silly at all! Duke isn't through as Xenon and Xyloid bail stage left as we do the etc, etc promo; and then they get shot with puck ropes and get tied up with ease. They both drop to their knees and Xenon demands that they surrender while being tied up. Xenon would never pass a Turing Test; let me tell ya. Then they get hit in the head with snowballs from behind by Nosedive acting like a smug ass Quack Pack nephew. Hilariously enough; Nosedive doing the smugassery is actually more convincing than when the nephews do it. Xenon also proves me wrong and does pass the Turing Test of Doom. So then we head back to the Raptorous with Siege at the computer showing a screen of the alien spaceship as Siege manages to deduce that they have a weather machine without showing the inside of the ship. Dragonous is of course pissed off; and demands Chameleon, Wraith and Seige to get the weather machine right now. We head back to a pan shot of the spaceship which shows the most crapply drawn ice crystals ever on the snow. Then; just like that; Tanya and Wildwing use their boots which has skates on them, and cut through the ice to get out. This renders the Onmi Tool to be absolutely useless now. So they go into the spaceship and the weather machine is teleported out by the heel which we barely see; prompting Wildwing to say that they need to work on their timing. No crap Sherlock! Then we simply cut back to the junkyard and the Raptorous connected to wires while disguised as a beauty salon which was connected to the Solar Siphon. Even more hilariously; it's no longer winter. The snow has completely melted now. So we cut to inside the engine room where the crystals are being powered up; in which Dragonous proclaims that in 15 minutes; the crystals will be powered up and no one will stop him from world domination. Seige proclaims that it's too bad that they have to do this under a cloaking device, but Dragonous doesn't care because in mere minutes the ducks will be patte and they will use cloaking devices no more.
So we then head back to the spaceship (after a sequence of the snow disappearing in the sky which would have been more useful in the previous scene after Dragonous got the weather machine connected to the Solar Siphon. Anyhow; we see the aliens tied up in front of the Zamboni Machine as the babyfaces and aliens exchange notes. Xenon wants to turn them into permafrost while being tied up and seeing FOUR babyfaces on retainer. Xenon is truly the real glutton for punishment; unlike Nosedive and Duke who are just gluttons for goofiness. They point out that Dragonous has the weather machine and that is enough for Xyloid to finally tell Xenon to do what the babyfaces say. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! The weather machine is in worse hands than the aliens; Xenon proclaims that he has a tracking device for the machine and he gets untied with Xyloid; which Wildwing takes the device. Wildwing orders them to leave and never come back; which the aliens agree on the condition that they get the weather machine back because they cannot live in warm weather. Which so happens; we start seeing all of Anaheim melting out from the snow with the sun coming out. Wildwing, Duke and Tanya are about to leave to get the Migrator as Tanya notices Nosedive in the Zamboni Machine which Tanya blows off because it's too slow. Nosedive blows her off because he is not leaving it, prompting Duke to proclaim that he is too attached to it. Why not Duke?! That thing is the reason those aliens from their ice planet DID NOT conquer Earth, you numbskull. Anyway; that ends the segment almost 17 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to the Beauty Raptorous Salon Of Heels and then head inside with Chameleon watching the monitor showing the Migrator driving as Wraith is handling the weather machine wanting some hail. I should point out that this is the first time Wraith has spoken in those 17 and a half minutes. So he pushes a button on the console and we cut to the street as Tanya proclaims that they are two blocks away. Then we get hailstones the size of medium sized rocks falling on them; which creates a huge ice wall for no reason. And crush a car in the process. Yeah. So the babyfaces use the laser to cut through the ice; but the ice underneath their wheels forces them to stop on a dime; and they are stuck see. So they somehow climb the ice wall and go over it; sliding on their asses to the other side. Wildwing proclaims that he hopes to get to those two blocks before the monsoon season starts. Then it gets dark as storm clouds come in to shoot out the biggest lightning bolt ever in a DTVA cartoon; which mean nothing because the babyfaces dodge all and manage to make it to the Raptorous; shooting the door down and head inside with no further resistance. Wildwing proclaims that they are going to rain on their parade for a change as Wraith predicts a gloomy forecast (and this time he is referring to the babyfaces; so it doesn't kill the incentive of the show); and out comes the Dragonous looking big ass robot that schooled them in the beginning of the episode. Excellent! The writers actually are trying to write a good story here. The results in this episode are mixed; but they are trying hard. I should note that Wildwing uses his armor as a shield because Tiny shoots a laser at Wildwing; and Wildwing blocks it without taking damage. DUMB! He also blocked a lightning bolt shot with it which actually made more sense in the grand scheme of things. Tanya calls this personal; which I doubt it very seriously. It's a freakin robot; it does not have feelings like we do. Wildwing shoots pucks and they bounce off with ease. I need a drop of Ricky Morton's heel promo on PG-13 from USWA VS. SMW: Didn't you learn your lesson last time?!
So Tiny brings out the big guns and manages to force the babyfaces into a corner as Tanya sezs; and this is an exact quote: It looks like we are not going to make the playoffs this year. Keep in mind that this episode aired after The Final Faceoff which we saw the Mighty Ducks not only make the playoffs; but win the Western Conference title! You couldn't just overdub it so Tanya sezs: It looks like we are not going to win the Stanley Cup this year. Is there really a copyright issue with that? It's a freakin word! Then the wall crumbles and Nosedive drives the Zamboni Machine right on top of Tiny and crushes it to death with ease. Perfect! That is how it should have been booked a long time ago; and it makes Nosedive look awesome for a change instead of being goofy. Although the promo he cut is still as goofy as ever. So the babyfaces notice on the monitor that indeed; Dragonous is using it for solar energy. So after some nonsensical dialogue; Wildwing simply pushes the button on the weather machine to make it shoot lightning bolts. I guess Chameleon and Wraith went back to the engine room because the heels were not there to stop them. A large lighting bolt comes down and hits the lens of the Solar Siphon and the whole tower and lens gets destroyed. A lens that is owned by the observatory. So we cut back to the engine room as Chameleon proclaims that they have problems here and the crystals gain too much light and we get a really good explosion which destroys the crystals and creates a lot of smoke. The smoke clears and Dragonous is sitting on his ass coughing as Chameleon, Siege and Wraith are on bottom. Dragonous calls the babyfaces wretched while Chameleon suggests going to steampunk references next time. This makes Chameleon into the dorkiest babyface of all time; and he's a heel. So we head to the snowy mountains with a pan shot to inside the ice ship as Wildwing gives them back the weather machine and orders them to leave and never come back; but of course, Xenon and Xyloid no sell because they are alien heels and oral contracts are not binding. What a shocker?!
So Wildwing slams his fist into the weather machine and destroys it with ease; prompting the heels to get on their knees and beg for mercy. The babyfaces blow off the heels like a bunch of dicks and Nosedive tells them to get off the planet if they cannot stand the heat. Wildwing orders them not to think about conquering other planets; even though the Mighty Ducks can barely defend Anaheim as it is. The aliens start blowing off each other for coming up with the idea as Xyloid admits that he's just a figurehead before the spaceship flies into the sky and goes out of sight. Yeah; it took destroying alien properties with impunity to drive off these aliens. So we get the CGI puck scene changer of doom as we get a skyline shot of Anaheim, then a far shot of the Arrowhead Pond and then a far shot of Drake One before we head to a sky shot of the four babyfaces looking around. Nosedive has a large case which he opens to reveal snowballs which he has as gifts from the encounter. Oh; if you cannot call the ending right now, you have no business reading this rant. So the sliding doors open and in comes Mallory and Grin. Memo to these two: Run NOW! You are now ROOM FEED~! They just walk in and stand in front of Drake Force One complaining about them getting drenched in rain while the space launch was canceled because of it. Mallory blows off Nosedive for enjoying all of this perfect weather; which prompts Nosedive to throw snowballs at Mallory and Grin while cutting a sexist promo because he calls her girly girl at least twice. What a sexist ending this was?! Mallory takes one to the face and then just admits that Nosedive got it worse as we zoom out to a far shot to end the episode at 21:01. This was a fun, and solid episode until the ending where they just had to make Nosedive look like Huey Duck. As much as I like smugass Nosedive, rotten sexist Nosedive is NO BUYS! Call it *** 1/4 (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this one is pretty much a decent, fun little episode with some stupid moments and one bad ending. Nosedive was actually great in this episode until the end when he acted like a sexist twit throwing snowballs at Mallory. Nosedive saved his buddies from the invincible robot and crushed the robot with his zamboni machine; which is good story writing and most of the episode in general made sense. Most of the downsides are nit picks that some easy overdubbing would have fixed it and a few logic breaks marred the experience a little bit. The writers wrote a decent storyline, had some funny moments, had Nosedive look good and had a really good finish where both Nosedive's zamboni and the weather machine factored into the demise of Dragonous (along with the Solar Siphon no less), and an ending that was sexist. Overall; a fun little episode with some stupidity, and other than that, I have no beef with this episode unlike Puck Fiction. So next weekend will be the start of the Dave The Barbarian episodes on the Rant Shack; so here is how the thing is going to be dealt with. I'll be doing Dave The Barbarian first; then The Mighty Ducks next weekend. The one with the most stars (Dave will have two shorts most times; so it will be the average rating of the two shorts) will be the third episode I do unless there are appointments in the way. The week after that; it will be Mighty Ducks first, followed by Dave. Then back to Dave first then Mighty Ducks thereafter. Rinse, lather, repeat until all episodes are done. On the two upcoming four day weekends (August and September first week); it will be two episodes of each alternating. If there are episodes remaining when one of the series is completed; then Gravity Falls will replace it and the same rules will apply until all episodes are completed. Then I might do the Bonkers Christmas Special early and not post it until Christmas Day; followed by all the work needed to start the 25 Years of Spin next year. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.