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Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series - Duck Hard
Reviewed: 06/24/2014
...And Goose Soft!
Well; we have another post Final Faceoff episode as the Mighty Ducks are ambushed by Chameleon and company while Klegghorn arrives to give Wildwing a hard time in environmentally dangerous substances. Yeah; this episode is an attempt to get Klegghorn and Wildwing to finally accept each other. So how will this episode do in the face of that plot?! Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens with the story edited by David Wise. Garfield & Judith are a story writing duo and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Previously, they acted as staff writers and supervising producers in the second and third seasons of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World, and wrote episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, Beyond Reality, Catwalk, The Hitchhiker, and John Woo’s Once a Thief. As executive story editors on the short-lived but highly-influential Phantom 2040, they contributed the show's unique creative direction, developing the writers' bible and scripting many key episodes (including the two-part pilot, Generation Unto Generation). They also wrote Van Helsing: The London Assignment for Universal Animation Studios,[2] More recently, they created the 2012 sci-fi television series, Primeval: New World.[3] Before branching into Star Trek, fantasy, and mainstream thrillers with Judith, Garfield wrote five novels blending horror and technology, prompting Stephen King to say, "Garfield Reeves-Stevens is the Tom Clancy of horror."[4] One of those novels, Children of the Shroud, is credited by New York Magazine as being the first to feature a storyline based on cloning Jesus.[5] In August, 2010, Impossible Films announced that the Reeves-Stevens would be delivering scripts for a Primeval spin-off television series as part of a franchise deal with Omni Film Productions.[6] In a posting on their Facebook fan page, the Reeves-Stevenses stated that they were first asked by the producers if they would be interested in pitching a concept for the spin-off series in May, 2009.[7] Being fans of the original series, the Reeves-Stevenses responded positively. Eleven months later they were invited to pitch, and subsequently were asked to write the first two scripts and the bible for the series they had described, a development process that lasted fourteen months.
In September, 2011, two months after the Reeves-Stevenses had delivered their scripts and bible, Space: The Imagination Station greenlit the series, eventually titled Primeval: New World. On February 8, 2011, the Reeves-Stevenses submitted a letter to the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) in support of an application by CTVglobemedia Inc. to renew the broadcasting license of the Canadian science-fiction channel, Space: The Imagination Station.[8] In the letter, the Reeves-Stevenses describe their involvement with the Star Trek franchise, and also discuss other science-fiction related projects, including their writing of the "critically acclaimed miniseries, Race to Mars." Other projects they refer to include their development of an original contemporary science-fiction series titled A.K.A. under CTV's "Writer Only" development program; their involvement in a NASA space policy workshop with James Cameron to discuss, debate, and help shape U.S. space exploration goals; and their current position as Lead "Land" Writers for the Walt Disney Imagineers, helping to plan the rides and attractions for the new Shanghai Disneyland scheduled to open in 2015. On September 28, 2012, the AICN site reported that the Reeves-Stevenses had been enlisted by producer Gary Goddard to develop "the next evolution" of Goddard's hit cult television series, Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future.[9] In the video accompanying the report, the Reeves-Stevenses are credited with having delivered a one-hour "premise pilot" and bible for the new version of the series, now titled Phoenix Rising. In October, 2013, the IMDbPro site reported that the Reeves-Stevenses had written the screenplay for the movie adaptation of Jerry Pournelle's classic military science-fiction novel, Janissaries, also for the Goddard Film Group. The movie is listed as "In Development." [10]
In addition to their ongoing work in television, the Reeves-Stevenses have also completed their newest novel, Wraith, scheduled to be published by Thomas Dunne Books, an imprint of St. Martin's Press.[11] Yeah; they are an interesting duo to say the least. Their debut as writers on television was Maggie's Secret in 1990 during the CBS Schoolbreak Special. Mighty Ducks is their DTVA debut and only appearance. They also wrote the Monster Rally episode by the way. Primeval: New World is their most recent credit. They have 21 writing credits, 4 Producer credits, 3 Misc credits, 2 Acting Credits and Eight Self Credits to their resumes. I do not have much confidence in them considering that David Wise is story editing here and seeing the last two episodes he wrote; it's not going to be pretty. Animation is done by Koko Enterprises Limited which has had some good episodes in the past; so hopefully this episode will not suck animation wise.
We begin this one at the Arrowhead Pond as Phil, Nosedive and Grin was walking out the door. Grin is wearing a white tank top while Nosedive is wearing regular street clothes as if it was wintertime. Phil is buttering them up about going for lattes and shopping; as Nosedive blows him off for being a dishonest lawyer. Geez; that is so defamation of character there Nosedive! Sleazy, whiny, cowardly lawyer; yes. Dishonest?! LAWSUIT~!! Anyhow; Nosedive uses the "I wasn't hatched yesterday" promo; which Phil counters that he's going to the Sports De Mayo and when it comes to fashion sense, Nosedive was literally hatched yesterday because Nosedive is a fashion disaster. Nosedive claims that he is wearing the latest in rebellionous youth fasion; which even in 1996, is total BS. Nosedive claims that Grin is wearing PJ's even though he's clearly wearing a white karate uniform. So a garbage truck enters and greets Nosedive while Nosedive addresses him as Echii and for a whacky name he looks awfully generic with a green shirt and hat. Nosedive claims that they are fighting the forces of Phil's evil fashion sense, which makes Nosedive look like a dick (and he's the #2 babyface of the show). Echii's promo is so stupid in the "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?"; which Grin blows off as the stupidest thing possible. The funniest thing about it and this is funny if you understand and like actual medicine: (a) the promo is false because most of the time; it makes you weaker and (b) Grin is doing meditation which is in fact quackery (only it makes sense because he's a anthro duck who thinks and wishes he's Master Splinter). So the truck drives away and Phil pushes the two confused babyfaces away as we see the truck go to the loading area in the back; and Echii is talking on the transmitter to someone named Rust Bucket; and then a police car shows out and out comes Captain Klegghorn welding a chocolate gazed doughnut. This is like Left Behind where one of the "babyface" had a bible in his hands at all times. Klegghorn is a left behind detective methinks. So Echii looks to his right and we see someone who looks like Echii tied up and gagged on the floor of the passenger side.
Oh come on guys! It's clearly Chameleon now; no one is fooled. You couldn't wait until ten minutes into this before teasing it?! So we head inside a lab with Tanya, Mallory and Duke exchanging notes about destroying Dragonous. And while I'm on a slow roll here: Why is Klegghorn here? Why doesn't he have a clue that no one is buying his police work? Tanya is working on something to destroy Dragonous which is a multi-puck launcher. Yawn. Mallory is giddy about it; and then Wraith, Chameleon and Siege show up. Millory tries to shoot to kill; but they are images see since the pucks go through them without any selling whatsoever. They disappear; the ducks look around, Image Dragonous comes back, Duke uses the sword, no selling, no damage, no point! Then Wildwing comes in and comments on the "decorating" and then shows that he was using a halogram device to test Tanya's toys. More like trying Mallory's patience which is usually thin. Duke is not amused as Wildwing claims that he was testing the launcher and her reflexes as Mallory steals the device from him. She proclaims that she intends to give Nosedive the fright of his life because apparently; Nosedive tried to make Mallory eat fried worms, or something. So why is she pointing the thing as if she's blaming DUKE for it?! I should note that Duke's last name is L'Orange and you would think he would use an orange colored sword; but no...the sword is banana yellow. Wildwing then gets a signal on the wrist communicator and we see Klegghorn and his loaded chocolate glazed doughnut at the elevator pushing buttons. Wildwing tells them to clean up the mess as he leaves to check out why Klegghorn is still acting like an annoyance after 24 episodes or so. Mallory is still giving eye contact violence on Duke which Duke replies that he only saw him eat the worms. I have no idea what the point of this is; and if it was supposed to be comedy, it wasn't funny.
So we head to the enterance way to the rink as Klegghorn and Wildwing are having a half-pleasant conversation. See; Klegghorn is here to eat the babyfaces' doughnuts...ERRR...investiagte an anonymous tip that there are dangerous substances underneath the Arrowhead Pond. First off: Anonoymous wanting to join with law enforcement willfully is downright laughable. Second; when it comes to dangerous substances; Klegghorn should check what he has been eating for the last three minutes. Did I just say...Oh never mind. This seems to be an excuse for Klegghorn to expose the ducks as terrorists which is in fact true. Problem is: No one in Anaheim cares. There is no heat on Klegghorn because 90% of the population has accepted the ducks willfully. Wildwing tells him to get lost because and this is an exact quote: "Because the Arrowhead Pond is private properly". The sane response to that would be: "If you kill someone on your "private" properly; then are you saying that you cannot be arrested for murder?!" So Klegghorn shows off his search warrant which is a regular doughnut (speaking of dangerous substances...); making him look like a fat police stereotype before showing the real warrant; and basically threatens to sic the EPA on the property, which Klegghorn claims that Wildwing doesn't want that. That sounds like something Al Capone would have said if he were alive in 1996! Wildwing tells him to follow and hold onto his socks as they bail. So we are basically doing The First Faceoff; only it means even less than it did back in the pilot episode. So he head to storage as a arc welder is used to make a circular hole in the metal garage door; as Echii...Oh screw it; it's clearly Chameleon and the garbage man turns into him. Earth to Nosedive: Never trust a garbage man named after an anime genre. Chameleon cheers with glee because he wants to PART-IE like it's 1996 all over again. Man; the premeditated gall this company has sometimes! So we scene change to the headquarters underneath the pond as the sliding door opens and out comes Mallory, Tanya and Duke as Tanya is blowing them off for basically cleaning up like Baloo and Kit in Molly Coddled. HAHA!
So then the doors open to reveal Wildwing and the babyface asks how Wildwing got rid of Klegghorn; which Wildwing replies that there are lizards in the building as Tanya is confused because all the defenses are up. Then I realize that this is not Wildwing; but Chameleon in another convincing disguise. Wow; Chameleon is growing on up now. Sure; 90% of his impressions suck, but he is the most useful heel in the series outside of Doctor Droid. Chameleon throws a green/grey smoke bomb at the babyfaces, it explodes, it produces knockout gas and the babyfaces drop to the floor knocked out cold. Chameleon's impression of an cranky old man wearing a hat reminds me of Hank's grandfather in King Of The Hill in terms of the look. I have no idea who Chameleon is impersonating and it wasn't funny either way. Chameleon goes to the console and then pushes button to also Chameleon to turn into a flight attendant which the voice did make me chuckle. Then he does an impersonation of a gameshow host even though it is supposed to be Bob Barker from The Price Is Right (because COPYRIGHT~!) and in teleports Siege and Wraith (after nearly 26 minutes of non-Wraith action. The Doctor Droid episode doesn't count for obvious reasons.). Siege is on the wrist communicator as Chameleon has eliminated the shields; and Dragonous is at the ship proclaiming victory because the Arrowhead Pond is theirs. This is so weak; but it makes sense now that the series is officially going to end next episode anyway. So you might as well give the heels a chance to actually be threatening the babyfaces' new home. So we fade to black (I guess this is where the commercial break would be in the German cut of this show; despite the fact that it's using an English audio track) to turn Michael Eisner on and then return with the heels at the computer showing off the CGI blueprints of the entire headquarters while turning the security system back on. Wraith of course has to give away the finish well in advance; although he was a lot more subtle in it asking why they don't just destroy the place now. Still; thank you Wraith for making kids change the channel on cue.
Chameleon does another impression I don't get (When I cannot get the 1990's pop culture reference, it's a bad impression) as he points out that they are after some miltary missile launch codes and therefore the place must be spared until then. I cannot take this seriously even if I tired. Why would the ducks have access to military bases? If this is true; then Klegghorn's creditability is even WORSE than it was in the pilot! Oh; who cares? The writers are writing for a pay cheque now since the plans for One Saturday Morning are forthcoming. So far; writing for a pay check might be a better idea than the writing I have seen in this series thus far. So we head to the dressing room for more Wildwing/Klegghorn whining and arguing. I get this Klegghorn doesn't like the ducks; but no one in Anaheim gives a rat's ass about Klegghorn anyway. Considering that he has no one to back him up; my instincts tell me that he is just a private investigator who got kicked off the force for spewing way too many conspiracy theories that contradict each other. At least Detective Matt Bluestone was smart enough to limit his conspriacy theories to the Illuminati. So I discover that the pucks on the wall are in fact switches for the elevator. Wildwing opens a puck panel; and pushes the buttons on the switch. There is beeping sounds and then a buzz sound indicating that he pushed in the wrong access code. Wildwing tries again and no dice; which Klegghorn mocks him for because he wants to see those permits on the elevator. So Wildwing goes to the wrist communicator and contacts...Mallory. Mallory informs him that Tanya is super turbo charging the elevators and Mallory seems to be acting like Chameleon for some reason. Even Wildwing thinks something is wrong with this picture and motions to Klegghorn to follow him to an alternative route. We head back in the computer room as Mallory turns back into Chameleon while I think Chameleon an impression on Babs Bunny from Tiny Toon Adventures. And Disney fans wonder why Warner Brothers was mocking them and kicking their asses six ways from Sunday?! And Chameleon is a creepy pervert; which is grand because he is a heel.
Then we pan over as Tanya, Mallory and Duke are tied up ankles and wrist with pink energy ropes as Mallory blows off Chameleon's creepy impression. Duke asks about breaking into the military base to get the launch codes and Tanya claims that they can do it without breaking a sweat. Duke proclaims that Grin and Nosedive are still around to save them. Yeah; let's completely ignore out fearless leader who is still IN the building. Second; didn't you babyfaces already diss Nosedive on him being reckless? At least Grin is a threat; but still. Anyhow; we head to the concrete walkway leading to the Anaheim Mall as there is clearly a Superman deadringer shown right at the hard camera. Only it dresses like Elvis and has a purple visor on. Then we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment which apparently means Sunwoo is animating here: They are outside the building. Phil wants to take them to Suite De Something to get new wardrobe as Grin blows it off because the suits ruin his aura or something. Nosedive claims that he has a Krackpotkin Plan to ditch Phil. Now they have only walked about five steps; and the cut to the next shot; and in these shots, they are inside a building. They NEVER entered the actual building at all! This is so Sunwoo-equese that it's not funny! So basically; he tells them that they are going into Captain Comics and they simply run into the store as Phil follows them inside. That's Nosedive's plan?! Really?! And now they are acting like they are outside the building and then enter the comic shop. With that said though; it still makes sense, since it was a background error rather than a storyline error. Still doesn't make Nosedive's plan look any smarter. So we head into the sewers as it's clear now that this show is ending, because they arew stooping to dead ringing TMNT. Which makes sense since this show is basically a clone that would fit in TMNT's world actually. So we see a flashlight from Wildwing as Klegghorn mocks Wildwing's lame attempt to show the headquarters; which Wildwing blows off. So then he opens a panel in the brick wall; and that opens a wall to reveal the entrance which has a security panel with five red lights flashing.
Wildwing takes it as a bad sign while Klegghorn is blowing him off. Wildwing pushes buttons; no go. Wildwing deduces that someone has taken over his headquarters which Klegghorn accuses Wildwing of stalling; and tries to threaten the EPA again, but Wildwing cuts him off, stands back and shoots a puck into the door destroying it. Huh; so when it comes to destroying property with impunity, Wildwing isn't all that picky. Memo to Klegghorn: If someone is actually trying to get into his headquarters in desperation; he is not trying to hide something. If he was trying to hide something; he would have done what Nosedive did and send him and you on a wild "duck" chase through Anaheim Mall. So we head back to the computer room as the monitor shows a map of the military bases all over the world and a slot machine like code. The first two numbers appears as a 4 and a 9. Siege then proclaims that it will take 49 minutes to get the codes. Earth to Siege: Having a four and a nine does not mean it will take 49 minutes. It means you already got the first two numbers in the code. I think there are eight numbers in this code; so it'll take about 15 minutes tops to get the codes. Wraith then comes in with a box of exploding hockey pucks and blows them off because he hates ice hockey. Apparently; it causes him illness. So that is what makes Wraith appear for ten seconds only in every episode then! What a useless load Wraith is?! Why did I even like this character anyway? Oh; I know. It's because he's an classic example of killing a show's heat before the show barely gets started. So Siege grabs the box and proclaims that he'll plant these in the fusion generator and blow the thing up. Chameleon did does a head coach impression while channeling Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan's acting career occured long before the target audience and most of the target audience's parents were even born. It's one thing to do it in TaleSpin when the entire world is in an era when none of the target audience and their parents and even some of their grandparents were even born; but this world is in the present (when it was shown on television).
So Tanya is complaining because they are going to plant the devices and make them explode during the hockey game this evening. This in spite of the fact that (a) the codes will take 15 minutes to get; and you know Siege will blow up the place once he gets them and (b) the heels have no plan to kill humans; they want to enslave them like they did in Puckworld. Worse; Tanya basically planted the seed in the heels by saying this while being in a sexually awkward position on the floor; as well as Mallory and Duke. Nice going Tanya; you gave them a wicked idea which actually makes them threatening. Too bad it's too late to save this show. So we go to the fusion generator; and Siege is planting the exploding hockey pucks in the fusion generator. He only puts in about three hockey pucks into the actual generator; and then dumps the rest (10-12 pucks) onto the computer console controlling the fusion generator. Why?! Wouldn't the fusion generator blow up the computer in the process? That makes no sense. Siege then hears noises as we cut to the conveniently placed wall vent as it opens and out crawls Klegghorn ands his whine; with Wildwing and his cheese colored mask. Of course Klegghorn is such a police stereotype that the writers just had to jackhammer the point home because Klegghorn is shocked and he swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE; and he sezs "Holy Doughnuts!". I head desk myself after that one. Siege brings out the gun and starts shooting just after Klegghorn demands to see a permit on the quantium fusion generator. I think the EPA would be more concerned about the after effects of overeatting doughnuts while doing police work. Wildwing bails; and Klegghorn drops onto the floor as Siege points the gun at Klegghorn proclaiming that he gets to fry a flatfoot (which is funny since most anthros are drawn with flat feet). So as Siege is shooting; Wildwing gets in front of Klegghorn and uses the Ice Shield while blitzing towards Siege. Wildwing blocks all the shots and Siege gets tackled down; taking a absurd bump stage right that had no sense of gravity or logic.
Now; this sequence does make some sense in storyline because if you recall The Final Faceoff before this; Klegghorn used a laser gun on Siege and basically kicked his ass with it. However, the problem with this is: You would think that you would have Klegghorn being attacked before The Final Faceoff like this; and so he could get his reedempation. But; no, he kicked Siege's ass and Siege wants reedempation. And Siege is the heel here. They got this ass backwards. Siege smacks into the fusion generator wall; which does no damage whatsoever, so Siege rips out a lead pipe like wire (I know this because red sparks flew from the break points when he pulled it out) and smacks it into the Ice Shield. The Ice Shield disables and Wildwing takes the stuntduck bump on his ass to the floor. Siege runs in for the kill; but Klegghorn manages to handcuff Siege to the pipe system; and then cuts a promo about how Siege is not above the law on his watch. So the heels are above the law as long as they are not in Klegghorn's jursidication? What a tyrant this Klegghorn fellow this?! Even more hilariously bad: One smack from the lead pipe from Siege caused Wildwing to lose power over the Ice Shield and knock him down; but a pair of handcuffs managed to stop Siege in his tracks for 15 seconds. Keep in mind that Siege is much bigger than Wildwing and Klegghorn combined; and the handcuffs are much more flimsier than the two weapons combined. F*** LOGIC~! Even worse; he doesn't even break the pipe at all when Wildwing throws a smoke bomb at him; and it explodes. This causes Siege to cough and then he falls down knocked out. So it was almost THIRTY seconds that Siege couldn't break out of the handcuffs and he was so weak that he got knocked out by a smoke bomb. What a stupid sequence that was?! Worse; even if he broke out, he still would have been knocked out by the smoke bomb! Way to go to make your #2 heel look like the weakest monster heel ever. Now Siege is a jobber for life! Oh; who cares?! It's not like the series is continuing past 26 episodes anyway. Klegghorn still blows Wildwing off for doing this to weasel his way out of the law of obtaining a permit for the fusion generator. At least this tension has heat and it makes sense, even though it makes Klegghorn look like a moron. They walk towards Siege and then they cut away for no reason...
So we return outside the Captain Comic bookstore as Nosedive and Grin walk out (and Nosedive has bought about 10 pounds of comic books, natch) as Phil is pissed off and they are going to Suite De Chalet. This pun would have make more sense if Swiss Chalet was a men's clothing store instead of a restuarant. Memo to Grin and Nosedive: You are more powerful than he is; you have the money. Just ditch him. You seriously think Phil can get a successful lawsuit in a court of law when you are chimera ducks?! Just go back to headquarters and ditch him already! All you are doing is invoking the "padding running time sequence" and you are no Donald Duck when it comes to good filler segments Nosedive. Phil walks off in disgust as Nosedive watches. As they are talking and walking towards the hard camera; Nosedive complains about being executive material despite the fact that this show came directly from the execs to sell a violent sport to children. Oh; and they show one palm tree and it looks like an unpolished background layout as Grin notices a department store filled with stuff that actually enchances his aura or something. He wants crystals because his aura crystals are rusted; implying that they are made from metal. Phil protests this outrage because they have a game tonight. Wait; if they have a game tonight; then what is the point of going shopping for suits? And why not bring all the babyfaces with you instead of Nosedive and Grin?! This is getting more and more contrived as this show goes on. Grin then gets in Phil's face as apparently; he comes from the same school as Wildwing when it comes to threats. Only Phil is a coward so he decides to let them do it. Grin and Nosedive go into the Crystal Shop Of Doom while Phil blows the browsing off while his mouth is clearly not moving. Why was that line dubbed in? A non-verbal cue would have gotten the same result. So we scene change to a hallway inside headquarters as Klegghorn and Wildwing turn the corner. Wildwing wants to proceed with caution because someone is controlling the defense system; which Klegghorn asks what the hell it is. Wildwing claims that we do not want to know; which is dumb anyway...
...because at the end of the hallway; out comes a bunch of UFO like robots floating in mid air with legs and arms welding guns shooting yellow lasers. Yes folks; they are parodying the Daleks from Doctor Who, right down to the Daleks' voice and mind mannerisms (Extermine this show guys!). Even funnier; they are shooting lasers; but the sound effects sound like bullet shooting machine guns. DUMB! So Wildwing and Klegghorn bail to a hiding spot (and apparently; the commercial break was after this because we have a jump cut inbetween this); and we get a classic Mighty Ducks moment again: Klegghorn calls Wildwing's shield a blackjack; which would have made sense if the Ice Shield was an actual blackjack; or colored black. Now Wildwing answers that it can keep the robots at bay for five seconds top. Klegghorn brings out his gun and proclaims to leave it to him. So Wildwing comes out with the Ice Shield and uses it to block the gunfire; and as he falls back to allow the robots to get into position behind Klegghorn (which took more than ten seconds actually; so Wildwing greatly underestimated himself like a weakling); and then Klegghorn takes his gun and fires it. Again; it uses bullet shooting gun sound effects; but we see red lasers. Not red flashes from the muzzle; red lasers. The shots hit the robots and after about a half dozen shots; all three robots are destroyed. So yes; a fat policer officer using a bullet shooting gun that shoots red lasers and was made by humans destroyed three robots with yellow lasers with only six shots and those robots were made by anthro ducks who are supposed to be more advanced than the humans on this planet. Way to go writers! Not only does this not make sense in storyline or logic; you buried your #1 babyface; and you buried the entire Mighty Ducks team in less than thirty seconds. OH MY GOD! And this episode was actually getting into a decent groove at this point too; but the writers screwed it up AGAIN! Wildwing praises Klegghorn's shooting skill while stopping the shield as we see that Chameleon was spying on them during this. Yes; the comedy heel was smart enough to stand watch and spy on the babyfaces. Heh.
Chameleon whines about the unfairness of this sitatution because the babyfaces are supposed to be toast. Yes; the Chameleon is channeling us now as Klegghorn blows him off because he is his worst nightmare. Klegghorn is the worst nightmare ever....for heart surgeons and health care systems! Chameleon than does an impression of a 1990's teenage boy wanting to play his favorite video game. I hope someone creates some drops from Damon and Jason's blog because we need a picture of that 1990's dude while speaking in the most absurd stereotype ever; because this would be perfect for Chameleon. So he pushes some buttons and the babyfaces notice a pink/white ball with blue electric sparks in the middle coming towards the hard camera. The babyfaces bail stage left as Wildwing calls it the Buzz Ball. Okay; that's a fine booking name. They come to the conveniently placed fork in the hallway as it's robots to the left of them and Buzz Ball to the right; here he is stuck with a red haired, doughnut eating police hog. And one path going away from the hard camera which is empty. Klegghorn gets behind Wildwing and it takes forever for him to say that he hates the security system and demands he get a dog next time. Oh sure; why not? I betcha a mere dog could take down Siege too! Dave The Barbarian certainly knows how powerful a puppy is and not to get on it's bad side if you catch my drift. So Wildwing punches a hole in the floor and then it's clear that they are forced into the hole; because the Buzz Ball rolls in and destroys the robots; looking like a moron in the process because the animators seems way off here; making it look like he already died. So we head back to the computer room as the two red signal fizzle off-screen (Wildwing turned off his wrist communicator; or destroyed it, it's obvious because if he merely died, his signal would still be intact; albeit unmoving) as Chameleon cheers in victory as the heels leave. Tanya is upset because Wildwing is gone see. Never say die indeed; which means Wildwing is not dead! The never say die trope never makes sense unless the babyface is actually dead because if it's alive, then he didn't die, so the trope means nothing. If she actually said "die"; then the trope works because Wildwing would not be dead; but she said gone here. If he was dead and she said gone; the trope works.
She said gone and it's obvious Wildwing is not dead because he telegraphed the hiding spot five seconds before the Buzz Ball crushed the robots. Anyhow; Duke isn't quitting yet (even though the writers clearly have at this point) as he gets his wrist to a control panel and unscrews the panel out. There are wires inside; so Duke is going to hack into the system with his hands tied behind his back. He is the only main babyface who has not been buried in this show. So we scene change to Siege waking up and breaking the handcuffs about 10 minutes AFTER Klegghorn handcuffed him. He threatens to burn their feathers and other assorted stuff which means nothing anymore since he was subdued by handcuffs and a smoke bomb. Scene change to outside the Anaheim Mall as we are finally walking to the Suit Chalet (again; this joke would have worked better if Swiss Chalet was in fact a men's clothing store); as Grin, Nosedive and Phil come out of the crystal shop; which I discover is named "Enlight-O-Rama". BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh; this is so Mike Adam-equse and yet Mike Adams barely existed at this point. Phil blows off Nosedive's fake protests of being sick and proclaims that it's time to go inside Suit Chalet and learn some style from the master. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't know why I laughed out loud when he said that; but it sure as hell was damn funny. So Phil goes inside as Nosedive and Grin look at the store; Nosedive tells Grin to promise to not talk him into buying anything and Grin agrees to the terms. They go inside; we get a flip-flop scene changer to about an hour later and Phil comes out in glee as Grin and Nosedive are carrying bags of clothes. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How can you not like Phil after this? Phil finally outsmarted the babyfaces for a change and Nosedive and Grin look at each other and wonder where this all went wrong.
Grin does blame himself for having too weak of an aura to prevent Phil from winning. I have no sympathy for Nosedive and Grin here; because Phil went into the store. Why didn't they just run back to the Arrowhead Pond? Is Phil somehow faster than them and can catch up? And the Anaheim Mall is literally walking distance from the Arrowhead Pond so why not just dump him? Oh; I know, because the writers and the characters are really stupider than Drake Mallard is. All this did was make Phil Palmfeather; you is supposed to be an annoying, cowardly babyface look like the most sensible, brave and awesome babyface on the planet. Phil proclaims that these guys look so good; they could join the circus. UH OH! I might have spoke too soon on Phil because this basically telegraphs what they bought. So we return to the computer room as Tanya is now working the wires in the control panel while Wraith and Chameleon are exchanging notes while whispering; and having their backs turned to the babyfaces. Tanya uses the ground wire to short circuit the purple energy band on her wrist; and she's free. Mallory pushes back towards Tanya as she and Duke are free now. Duke proclaims that they need a distraction and Mallory gleefully responds and brings out the halographic device. So the heels never bothered to make sure that this was removed from her person? Why doesn't that surprise me? Worse; as we cut to Wraith and Chameleon; they are standing in front of the console instead of about 20 feet away from it originally. So Chameleon is so giddy about having only ten minutes left before the place goes boom. Mallory uses the halographic device and an image of Siege appears. Now you would think that if Siege was just standing there and not blinking eyes or breathing or even trying to strangle Chameleon (because he's annoying) would have Chameleon taking the hint that this is NOT Siege. But no; he actually tries to embrace Siege and then he backs up and proclaims that he's a ghost while acting scared. Even ghosts would not stand so still and not breathe; and then Siege arrives of course to make Chameleon look like an idiot. Okay; I'm fine with that because he's a dork.
So Siege orders Wraith to check on the hostages in which Wraith turns around and asks "What hostages?" because the bands are on the floor cut in half. Then we pan up to see the babyface on top of the monitor cutting promos. Did I mention how useless Wraith is?! So we get the FIREFIGHT OF DOOM which looked lame. One of the laser blasts nails a conveniently placed pipe and steam blinds the babyfaces. I was thinking that they would then be knocked out again; and Siege would tease killing them before Wildwing and Klegghorn run in and make the save. However; Wildwing runs in and diasbles the defense systems without any heat nor fanfare as the babyfaces didn't seem to be in any compromising position whatsoever. Yeah; that was lame. Chameleon was controlling the laser cannon by the way as Duke simply just jumps down and shoots a puck to pluck the laser gun out of Chameleon's hands. Yeah; none of them notice Wildwing is alive and well as they take position and we resume the firefight for no reason at all. Tanya yells that this is for Wildwing even though Wildwing was standing in the line of sight for Tanya to notice. DUMB! So Tanya is shocked as we get more shooting as Mallory explains that they are using Drake One to access the missile launch codes. And apparently; this goes on for a long time as we explain that the pucks are in the fusion generator, and apparently; it's night time now because the arena is suppose to be full. Okay; so if you believe Siege's 49 minutes left promo earlier in the episode: Why haven't they got the codes yet? I explain that in a moment as Klegghorn tells everyone to bail because he'll handle Siege, Chameleon and Wraith on his own. Then we get some of the worst continuity I have ever seen and I don't even think it's Disney's fault here: Klegghorn wants revenge. He fires his red laser gun (that sounds like a bullet shooting gun natch) and nails the gun out of Siege's hand. Then the footage jump cuts and the footage is replayed AGAIN. Then the heels duck down. I think the video of this was at fault here and not Disney writers and animator losing their minds.
There's more; somehow, all the babyfaces except for Wildwing join up together to help Klegghorn for no reason, and then an afterimage shows up from behind and it's Dragonous. Dragonous appears and MURDERS the babyfaces including Klegghorn with one shot. Why didn't they do this before Wildwing showed up to make the save?! Then we go to a shot of outside the Arrowhead Pond and it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we hear Roy Firestone cut a promo. So it was the afternoon and they have 49 minutes left if you believe in Siege's promo. Why don't they have the codes now?! It's like a contest to see how much they can screw up a cartoon and see if can make it so not make sense at all that the kids would leave and the show is canceled. They succeeded even though it hurts Disney's hockey team. Well; not really, at least in the long run. Roy of course proclaims that it is so going to be awesome that he's going to explode. If only Roy; if only. So we head back to the fusion generator as Wildwing runs in and destroys the three exploding hockey pucks with his gloved hands. Lame! Then we see the other exploding hockey pucks inside some shadow bottom box in which Wildwing proclaims that there is no time to disarm them all even though he crushed three of them in two seconds with his hand. Lame! Wildwing then snaps his fingers and bails stage right. So we head back to the control room as Drake Force One finally reveals the full code at 49476358. I cannot find anything symbolic about that number; so I'll move on. Dragonous cheers for victory as the sliding doors open and in comes Nosedive, Grin and Phil with lots of food including chocolate glazed doughnuts. If you cannot guess the finish right now; you have no business reading this rant. Dragonous turns around as Nosedive and Grin notice the heels right away as the other babyfaces are knocked out in front of them. ND and Grin transform and about five seconds later; Dragonous MURDERS all three babyfaces and they all fall down being knocked out. The box of doughnuts goes flying and one chocolate glazed doughnut drops in front of Klegghorn's nose. Oh; if that doesn't...
Yip; Klegghorn sniffs and is relieved like smelling salts revive Mister T as Dragonous has a missile like device which contains the secret codes as he proclaims that he has won and dares anyone to defy him. Klegghorn instantly blows him off and cuts a promo which in any other universe would lead to Dragonous MURDERING him; but then Klegghorn shoots his gun and it hits the missile like device and the thing is destroyed. You have to be ribbing me! Dragonous just stood there; allowed him to cut a promo and then allowed Klegghorn to shoot and make him lose the missile codes. Even worse; Duke has officially stop selling the fact that he was knocked out as he's on his feet alive during this stupid promo. Way to go Dragonous; way to F'N go! So then the heels simply uses their teleportting devices and split after Dragonous screams no. This finish was so stupid it needs a warning label on it. This finish did no one any favors; and I guess this was designed to put over Klegghorn, but the problem is: the heels had to look absolutely stupid in order to make Klegghorn look good. Also; why didn't they just simply write the codes on a piece of paper. I can understand Wraith not doing it; but Chameleon?! I thought Chameleon was impersonating pop culture figures?! To be fair; him doing it during the pilot episode was absolutely moronic on the writers part; but here it makes sense since they have been on Earth for a while now. So that was that as we head back in the arena as Wildwing skate in from center ice with the multi-puck launcher and then they open up the roof of the Arrowhead Pond so Wildwing can shoot the pucks into the history and they explode into fireworks. Earth to Mr. Hardcore: You think Final Fantasy VI iOS has too many coats of paint on the hero sprites?! Try these fireworks dude. At least this makes sense and it played into the storyline; but lord this was painful. So we head to the dressing room as the game is over already and the babyfaces are undressing. Klegghorn comes in and they exchange notes as Klegghorn was fine with the game; but he does point out that if they want to save the world; contact the proper authorites while flashing his badge.
I get that the storyline is that Wildwing is trying to point out that they are on Klegghorn's side and Klegghorn is pointing out that the police are a better choice. After this; Klegghorn was better than Wildwing in that regard because the heels are so stupid that they basically let Klegghorn win the day. They then shake hands and agree to get along which is fine because I don't want to see them arguing anymore since neither of them are any good anymore. So then Phil shows up and orders Nosedive and Grin to come in as we replay Kit and Baloo (mostly Baloo) not wanting to go outside looking like soda jerks. Phil tells them to relax and then drags Grin and Nosedive into the room and they are dressed up like Phil. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay; this is a great ending at least because Nosedive dressed up like Phil Palmfeather is damn funny to watch. All the babyfaces laugh at him and then Klegghorn comes in and feels Nosedive's tie; and he sezs "Nice threads" and then walks off with a mere chuckle. Yeah; Klegghorn does have a sense of humor which is the same sense as Phil does. Considering how many times Klegghorn and Phil meet together; this is no shock to me. So we then end the episode at 20:10 with a shot of the Arrowhead Pond with the fireworks continuing on for no reason. Those fireworks going on for no reason is a punchline for the entire episode actually. This started off fine for the first half of the show and then it completely disintagrated into a mess of logic breaks, nonsencial promos and downright botchery in general. Again; they made Dragonous and the heel look absolutely useless in order to get Klegghorn over as a badass. That is NO buys!! Call it 1/2* (10%). Phil Palmfeather segments do rock though; and Chameleon is still good, so it wasn't a total writeoff.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this was one of the later episodes; and no surprise, this one sucked. It's really too bad because they had a great idea and for once the heels actually appeared to be threatening. Plus; they actually took Wraith's advice for once and could have won. The problem is: they had to get Klegghorn over as a badass cop somehow and it sucks. Oh lord it sucks. God bless Klegghorn; but there was no heat for this because in The Final Faceoff; Klegghorn kicked ass on the heels so there was no point in him getting revenge. I mean; look at the booking of this episode: Siege kills Wildwing's ice shield in one shot; but cannot break out of handcuffs and goes down in one smoke bomb. Wildwing's shield cannot last ten seconds against his own sentry robots; but one fat police cop takes down THREE robots with only SIX shots from his gun. Also; Dragonous has to stand there for 20 seconds doing nothing (despite having THREE other heels to help him) and Klegghorn shoots the missile like device containing the codes. How stupid can you get?! This gets no one over. Klegghorn doesn't get over because the heels had to be so stupid to the point to letting Klegghorn win. In a sane universe; Klegghorn gets knocked out again and Wildwing comes in and makes the save. Which he did way too quickly because the babyfaces who were tied up got out on their own and we holding their own against the heels from the top of the monitor. I will say this: Chameleon is one of the better heels in the show because even though 90% of his impressions suck (it's his generic ones that are more entertaining than his pop culture ones); he is actually quite useful. Siege was fine until the booking buried him six feet into the ground; and Phil was a riot as usual even though Nosedive and Grin could have ditched him at anytime; and I loved the ending of this so again; it wasn't a total write off. However; it's clear that no one on the writing team has any idea how to get characters over without killing the heat of the one who are over. Overall; this was a good episode for about half of this; and then the cliff came and it dove 90 degrees straight down until the end. So I'll be back to rant on the next three random episodes of this show this weekend; and then we head to alternating episodes of this show and Dave The Barbarian which I am looking forward to more than ever now. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.