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Heavy Dental
Reviewed: 04/12/2009
I don't think I'll be eating solid foods after watching this cartoon....
Oh man; we are barely into our second episode and this is our first major Huey episode. Please don't make this episode suck too much. Yeah; I know this is like inviting death, but I have to go through TWO Huey focused episodes to end the DVD. So; let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode was written and edited by Doug Langdale. Douglas started writing for DTVA with Darkwing Duck, Aladdin, Buzz Lightyear, Dave The Barbarian and House of Mouse. He is also famous for producing the Weekenders which is the dullest show in DTVA history. His most recent credit is El Tigre animated series for Nick. The animation was done by Toon City; who has a lot of criticism from fanboys from this series and future series for crappy animation....
Interesting Moment #1: The title card for this episode shows Huey in a dental chair facing a chomping lamp. Even Kyle would NEVER face something like that; so this must be punishment for making me suffer from the BEST Quack Pack episode last rant. Thank the lord for small favors even if it's nothing at all.
So we begin this one on a stage with spotlights and a blue curtain as they open and a goofy announcer announces the winner of the Mr. Cool Teen contest as Huey Duck as he turns around and he looks completely uncool with that fake Mr. T title teeth smile. That voting was clearly rigged since everyone in DTVA knew they clearly voted for Kit Cloudkicker; even those who didn't LIKE Kit Cloudkicker. Except for Michael Eisner; so he probably rigged the vote of course. And since he's Huey; should he be wearing all red instead of all blue since that would made DEWEY the focus character of the episode? Logic break #1 for the episode barely 15 seconds in. And by the way; calling yourself Duck as your last name is totally uncool by proxy. Now Cloudkicker is the coolest name in history which PROVES that this thing is rigged. We then see a television screen (it seems we cannot get enough of that in this series as Huey turns it off) as we pan over to Huey in a trench coat at a desk which appears to be inside the White House. Oh crap; if he's the President of the USA; we are doomed, DOOMED I SAY. No matter how screwed George W. Bush is; Huey Duck would be infinity times worse; trust me. Huey apparently had a modeling career and a rock star career to boot. See what I mean by death wish and 38 episodes to spare for lying in the previous rant?! I'm glad Jymn Magon has enough sense to show what a piece of crap Huey is. Too bad it black balled Magon from Disney completely after this.
And Daisy is doing the interview just to make the whole thing even more nonsense than usual. Ponder that by Quack Pack standards and sulk and the alarm clock beckons and of course it is all a dream. Thank god. That means the logic breaks haven't really happened....yet. Still a painful 45 seconds of experience though. Huey wakes up and I thought we would see him naked as a jaybird; but he is wearing his lime green heart underwear. Okay; that is pretty unique though as he panics because it's only 12 hours until the Mr. Cool Teen contest. Again; I don't get why everyone is complaining about this in live action series; when Disney was doing this crap in CARTOONS. At least in live action; it WORKS! Sure; the actors CANNOT act to save their life; but at least the plotlines WORK. Here; it's like Vince Russo doing reality angles in WCW...and WCW became WWE's property for $4 million in 2001.
Anyhow; Huey runs off into the bathroom and comes out with a toolbox (!!!) and goes to the MIRROR OF VAINITY and plucks his eyebrows with the pliers while wearing hair combers. Ummm; that seems even more gay than anything the Jonas Brothers have EVER done. Maybe the ADM should bash Quack Pack instead; at least the fan girls don't know about this series enough to defend it with their bloody honors. The animators really blow the spot since he's plucking his cheeks instead of his eyelashes. Oh yeah; turn into a girl; that will make you REALLY cool. Again; and you ADM people think the Jonas Brothers are gay?! Hairdryer gets involved and finally Huey realizes that he is turning gay by the second and turns it on full blast which is enough to wake the nephews up with the hair combs of doom. Man; those are either strong hair combs or light sleepers. I betting on a combination of both at work here. Louie blows the contest off as stupid as Huey is on the mud pack just to be even more girly. Sunni would kick this guy's ass for doing this; seriously. He is such a sexist tool that it is no longer funny.
The nephews are SHOCKED and APPALLED at this as Huey invokes at the polish machine as Huey blows off his nephews and he literally polishes his eyeballs off-screen. OUCH! I think BS&P did US a favor there. See; Huey is entering Mr. Teen Cool contest to get zillions of job offers. I don't know what is more gay: Huey's MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN; or Donald's underwear shopping. Naturally; Huey eyeball are now glassy and shiny. EWWWWWW! And of course; the nephews are so lazy; they don't sell properly. Huey then goes into his drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) and throws all his pants and buries his nephews in clothes. That is so symbolic of the character homicide Disney did to these nephews in 1996 that it is not funny as Louie and Dewey demand that Huey help Donald fix the kitchen sink; but Huey blows it off because he has to go to the dentist to whiten is million dollar smile. Nice to see him apologize in such a talking down to the audience matter. Welcome to the new Disney circa 1996 which make you wonder about the new Disney circa 2006. Dewey feels like gagging (HA!) as Huey walks out as Huey acts like a cocky heel on the way out. Dewey and Louie blow him off as the rumbling occurs and the hole is created and water gushes out as Donald rides on top of a water pillar. Finally a decent spot and it only took about two minutes for them to do it. There may be hope for this episode...or not. The water goes away three seconds later (D'OH!) and then Donald takes a tumble and crashes head first into the computer monitor which would kill him in real life; but Dewey turns it on and Donald shows up all right as the sink is no problem. Logic break #2 for the episode; but it's funny so I'll live. The nephews have that look of: this is going to be a long day. Club the club bitches!
So we logically (HUH? In this show?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHA!) lead to Smoosh (As if Shush wasn't lame enough for us to mock?) as we see a bald middle aged man in a white suit walk toward a bald man sitting in a throne wearing a green striped suit who looks like a Klordane reject without the goofy hair holding a white cat with a blue ribbon. The throne sitting man is asking for an evil invention and this guy is a complete Dr. Claw ripoff which tells me that this is Moltoc since Juan F. Lara kept referring to him as such in his review. Okay; complete is not really true since we don't usually see Claw's face in Inspector Gadget's face. Moltoc is voiced by Tim Curry by the way who is from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He made his DTVA debut in TaleSpin as Klang by the way. The bald doctor; who's lab coat had changed from white to light beige color (logic break #3 for the episode) addresses himself as Horton LeTrec (Jeff Bennett who started voice acting when TaleSpin was airing; Brooklyn/Owen in Gargoyles, Raw Toonage was his DTVA debut in 1992, most recent credit was The Penguins of Madagascar. YIKES!) and his invention is a bio-remote.
A door open to the right of the screen to reveal a robot which looks like a bad robot version of Mother Brain from Captain N The Game Master without a face nor heat. Horton plans to demonstrate this on Agent M as he opens the left side and it flips to reveal Agent M chained to a wall (a regular guy in a trench coat with a stripe blue tie) and glasses with acting that makes the nephews look like babyfaces even for a fleeting moment. Horton calls this the most powerful device in the world. Umm; maybe you should at most likely to be ripped off of Captain N device in the world, then you win profits from me. He even wants Moltoc to ask him why and Moltoc asks why. Good why to bury the monster heel BEFORE the heel has a chance to do ANYTHING heelish there guys. Horton pushes some buttons as he explains that the device controls people's minds. And the laser beam shoots the thing right into Agent M's heart as Horton orders Agent M to bark like a dog. Ummm; aren't you supposed to aim it at the head, where the brain is since that's the control center for thought? Logic break #4 for the episode; although that one sounds like a BS&P one. And Agent M sells much better when controlled; DUH! By the way; I guess it's not Moltoc on the throne after all. It's the Smoosh Leader voiced by Danny Mann as Agent M chases the white cat of course while Horton and Smoosh Leader exchange notes on how they will install this smaller device on Agent X and rule the world. This is SO LAME! It has been done a million times before that it isn't funny. Although Smoosh Leader's kick to Agent M when he defend his kitten was pretty good; I'll give him that much.
So that logically leads us to the hallway leading to the dentist. We know this because it said dentist in red letters with a picture of a tooth below it. Huey walks in and wants to get this thing over with quickly (that makes two of us there pal); but then he turns all sexist on us as we see a woman waltz into the hallway in a green blouse. Umm; Huey, she's not that hot..and she's not that into you. He then gets charmed and looks into the MIRROR OF VAINITY because he's so vain see. So vain that he chooses the wrong door and opens it and walks into the Evil Scientist Place. You know with all the warnings on the door; you would think that the police would have NOTICED something was WRONG...Oh wait; it is the LAW OF DTVA, never mind what I said. So; we cut to inside as Dewey sits in the dentist chair saying to the doctor to get busy while he gets some beauty rest which involves playing some rock music with the headphones and a walk man. And somehow; the music is WAY TOO LOUD. Someone needs to sue those headphone producers for defective products there pal. Or it's logic break #5. Horton turns around and proclaims that it is Agent X in a clever disguise and then goes over to his drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) and pulls out the big ass drill. We get some really dramatic music, camera and lighting which would have been awesome if the rock music wasn't ruining the effect as Horton turns the drill on and then we fade to black.
Post-Production Glitch #1: Half Second Black Slug....Go figure...Let's move on and let Eisner be turned on by it.
Huey snores a bit and then wakes up feeling heavy as he finds a mirrors and then panics and screams because he's wearing.....We then cut to a shot of outside the hallway as the girl in the green dress is back.... BRACES! HAHA! His dreams are shattered see! I was hoping episode was finally over; but I fear this episode is going to get even worse now. Huey gets out as Huey uses his coat to shield himself; but the girl sees through him and she's panicking. Over braces?! Oh please?! Talk about the ADM ignoring logs in eyes there son. So we logically return to Donald Duck's kitchen as the place is completely destroyed with dirt; holes and pipes everywhere. See; this is why you call a qualified plumber who knows how to do A job. We pan over to Donald (finally! We get to the GOOD stuff!) as he points at the blueprints which is the T shaped pipe as “the one” and then he goes over with the vice grips and tires to pull the thing out with it near the hole but no dice. Tempers start to flare (duh); the pipe twists and Donald get flung off-screen to a wussy bump (sigh) off-screen. Donald return with muted rage (and red eyes) and it's bare hands pulling time.
This time; he wins; but get rejected anyway stage right taking an even wussier bump off-screen. Dewey and Louie pop up to ask how Donald is. Donald is fine as the T has put Donald in his place no problem. HAHA! That would be the second funny spot of the episode. All from Donald Duck I should note. See what I mean by not having the nephews hogging the episode?! Dewey asks if Donald is sure about taking this bolt off as he is pointing to a pipe on the ground about ten feet below ground and Donald blows him off because he is sure see as he pops the T from him and rants like an angry bitch (duh). Dewey obeys and unscrews the bolt and that allows water to spray and then all hell breaks loose. Okay; that was REALLY STUPID; but that is Donald's fault at least. The pipe separates as Donald falls in and we has a makeshift swimming pool which is quite lame to say the least. And then the better spot occurs as they do the toilet spot right into the sewers as all three ducks get dirty and stinky beyond belief. Well; that just forces the point of this shows' quality doesn't it?! Dewey and Louie wants a plumber like Clare wants a lawyer and Donald channels the powers of Cliff Huxtable while his body gets T'ed in the process. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Finally; Donald gives up and wants a plumber as Dewey and Louie decide to show some mercy. DAMN IT! This whole Donald becomes a plumber was starting to get good too. And of course; Dewey show mercy by invoking the wooden plank on Donald's ass as Donald get T'ed off and Donald takes a MAN-SIZED bump on-screen perfectly and then he slides into the sewer sludge. HAHA! Take a picture of that spot; that's the last good spot of the episode tonight folks. This episode just died right there.
We then hear some organ music and that leads to some walking around in the sewers which leads to a shot of an organ playing duck. If you cannot guess that it's Huey Duck making an ass out of himself for being such a weak vain ass out of himself; you have no business reading this rant. Hint: Check the height of the duck playing the organ. Geez; the nephews don't know; until he speaks of the internal dentist which just makes them look all the more weak in comparison. This is just getting more and more silly the more I see it. Huey whines about being a freak and of course the nephews don't buy it until they go over to him as Huey turns around and they do the over dramatic Big Ass Brace Spot which actually is a slight improvement for him. I think it's the fake vampire fangs Huey is wearing on purpose that makes him look ugly so he should just take those damn things off if he wants to impress the ladies; the cad. He is like the lame version of Shawn Michaels in 1996; always showing off for the camera. Only; Huey has little talent to pull it off. Huey blows them off for screaming because it's not helping his morale. Well; his lack of talent isn't helping his morale either, so he's hosed either way. Louie lies through his teeth on that because they were singing instead.
Yeah sure; and even William Hung would think you would suck guys. You are not fooling anyone; most so Huey Duck as he blows it off because even heavy metal wouldn't call that good either. Dewey then points out the problem with those big ass braces; but Huey blows it off because he cannot enter Mr. Cool Teen contest. Humble this guy isn't. Hard working this guy isn't. He needs other people to do his bidding. Kit never needed to stoop to THAT low. His life is officially over. Umm; you and your nephew's lives were officially over the moment you were character slaughtered by Disney. At least you can take solace that it wasn't even your own fault and that it was marketing managers who think demographics and bird men who flap wings instead of nature of flight. Donald tries to cheer him up but this is Donald F'N Duck we are talking about and there is no dice to be had. Louie tries his luck; but Huey orders them to zip their lips and the BIG ASS BRACES OF DOOM ZAP the three GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE and they do a comic spot where they zip their teeth. Ummm; it's the lip's not teeth guys. Logic break #6 for the episode as Huey blows them off for making fun of him so he orders them to go jump into a lake and they run off which of course logically leads to.....
…..a shot of a lake (which a cliff sporting a sewer pipe which should face the wrath of Greenpeace very soon) and we get logic break #7 for the episode as the three zombies with attitude changes clothes in mid stream and jump into the lake DUH! Huey is not impressed and orders them to get out of there and they sell like mindless zombies. Or in this era; Miley Cyrus fans. AHHAHAHAHAHA! SLAP! OUCH! Ummm.... Huey goes over to his mindless army of Cartoon Duck Syndrome Zombies and realizes that his big ass braces are a mind control device and thinks that they are cool. UH OH! I think this is going to be a lot of trouble for the censors; I just know it. Huey orders them to come here and then orders Dewey to give himself a wedgie in which Dewey makes history by pulling his red underwear up to his shirt. Yeap; this is the first intentional wedgie in DTVA history; and I wish it would be the last. Then Huey wants to make Louie into a monkey and Louie sells the monkey thing good even scratches himself. What?! No slinging the poo?! That's very sloppy guys!
Donald of course gets the toughest act of them all: recite Hamlet's soliloquy. Yeah; the second most over character just HAS to get all the BORING stuff doesn't he?! And of course Donald turns into Hamlet and does a lame ass job of selling the spot. It's just not cool without some ironic twist to the spot; or unless Kit is doing it. Huey then proclaims that he is tried of doing just mere kids stuff. Now he wants to do the adult stuff see. In this cartoon? In your dreams Huey. Although I'm sure Seth will probably steal this plot device for Stewie in Family Guy; if he hasn't ALREADY done so.....and Huey zaps everyone back to normal as everyone looks stupid except for Huey. So Huey has gone from: You must be cool to get over to You must self-harm yourself to get over. Talk about mixing two extremes there. No wonder being yourself is such a BALANCED message. Huey proclaims that he doesn't need Mr. Teen Cool anymore because he can now rule the world as he crackle like a heel and then runs off like a manly little girl. Donald just sulk like he just got into the wrong cartoon. Join the club bitch! Dewey and Louie look like they wish they are still zombie at this point as they proclaims that the take over the world mode is normal for him. And of course Disney Captions starts to finally act like Disney Captions after 1 ½ episodes. Yeah; go figure.
So we logically return to Smoosh headquarters as Smoosh leader is angry at Horton because he put the Bio-Remote on the wrong guy see. See what happens when you assume ANYTHING?! Trust me; who is DUMB enough to DRESS like Huey Duck?! Dress like Kit Cloudkicker I can understand; but Huey? Please; give me an orange juice break there pal! Horton proclaims that he has the photo of Huey Duck which is basically a stock B&W picture of him (yeah; like I'm buying if came from a security camera since there was NO cameras in the office. Logic break #8 for the episode). However; it will be hard to remove the braces from him. However; Smoosh leader thinks it will be easy for Agent X as Agent X is a robot with the buzz saw as she doesn't show her face at all and steals the photo and slices off the photo in two to show her beheading Huey as Smoosh leader laughing badly. The photo flops to the ground as Smoosh leaders tells her to leave no witnesses as the segment ends a little more than 12 minutes in. By the way; I know the robot is female because it's voiced by Kath Soucie according to Juan F. Lara. Can this episode get any worse? Well; stay tuned and find out shall we. I mean; Doug has ALREADY nearly made it to Magon's level of logic breaks and hasn't even got into Act 2 yet...They should be paying me to rant these episodes. I'm barely halfway through this DVD and my IQ feels like it lost half it's value already.
After the commercial break; we head into a stadium as we see a bunch of cheerleaders (one of them is an African American) doing a cheer as Huey narrates how cheer leading is a boy's unattainable goal. Memo to Huey: Move to Japan if you want to be a boy cheerleader. And of course their acting drops about 500% the moment they turn into mindless zombies. See what I mean when everyone has to drop to the level of the nephews?! Huey thinks he can get use to this. Oy vey! So we head to a rock concert as this episode is just going from bad to worse by the second. The rock band is Scrounging which has to be the most gayest rock band in history which means that they are perfect for Disney according to the ADM. The lead singer of course gets zapped and his somewhat decent voice turns to robot crap as Huey gets to be lead guitarist. Wow; the crowd is actually into this which means that it's like the Hannah Montana crowd which means it takes nothing for them to get amused of. I don't blame them since it's hard to get really good stuff these days without legal means. And when Huey plays on his banana yellow guitar; the crowd goes dead. Memo to Huey: Banana yellow guitar + Big Ass Braces + Grade F Rookie Bad Guitar Hero Playing Equals Crowd Booing You Out of Building Soundly. So Huey zaps the crowd to make them cheer. Wow; this is Mr. Hardcore's wet dream. No wonder Jack Thompson has so many conspiracy theories about them.
So we logically head to the I.O.U.N. (Okay; that is the first witty pun in Quack Pack; I do admit) as a lady wearing a blue blouse with read hair and enough red to make her bleed is on the podium in front of a large ass globe is reading from a sheet and then she gets zapped by Huey and she makes him the Emperor of the World which basically Seth steals for Stewie later on. Hard to believe this; no matter how barzan and violent Family Guy gets; Seth's version of Stewie taking over the world was the best version of it. After all; seeing Peter getting pelted with apples by his own son is funny...because he was following the law see....but Meg is going to JAIL! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Then again; Family Guy is simply the most violent version of Quack Pack actually. Although that doesn't make it any better or worse actually. I wouldn't watch either one for that matter. Emperor Huey (in Emperor gear of course and a big ass black hat to fit his ego along with a big ass purple feather that is in danger of bringing Michael Eisner out of the phantom zone.) as the I.O.U.N bows to their new master. I betcha the USA goes against it since they hate the I.O.U.N. Thank the lord for small favors for a change mind you. We then cut to outside the building on the pavement as there is NO SKY WHATSOEVER which is proof that the animators in 1996 were starting to finally become careless and heartless bastards as Daisy proclaims that Huey is the new ruler of the entire world without ANY sense of irony whatsoever. And of course she gets zapped and even in robotic voice she still sounds cooler than Huey. Sorry Huey; but no matter how many times you zap her; killing her is the only way you are going to be MORE over than her; so get over it and move on you big vain loser.
So we head back to the kitchen as the place is still a mess as Dewey and Louie are now using a big ass wrench to fix a pipe and still no go while Daisy hails Emperor Huey. Dewey and Louie blow him off as Donald enters; decides to blow off his give up thing earlier and wants another crack at the pipes himself. Good for him; it's about damn time someone realized that this episode just doesn't have a leg to stand on without him around. He brings his TOOLBOX OF DESTRUCTION and throws out some stuff to reveal the big ass wooden mallet of death. Okay this big ass device thing is seriously overplayed now guys. Louie and Dewey bail and get their umbrella's ready as Donald swings and hits water as he gets his temper cooled off off screen of course. HEE HEE! I hope Donald NEVER calls a plumber; this is too funny as we go into the streets to see Emperor Huey (minus the big ass black hat) standing up in his big ass inflatable limo. Oh man; that artwork on the limo is just plain crappy even by 1996 standards. The door opens and Huey walks out with a red carpet underneath his feet as the police (2 of them) bow before him. The driver looks like a furry black dog by the way which just kills whatever CONTINUITY the series was shooting for. Wasn't this series supposed to be about ducks and humans only? Huey proclaims that he rules the world as everyone bows before him and he's still as miserable as ever because the GADGET OF DOOM is making them see. Proving that self harming just doesn't really get you anywhere either. By the way; I think Huey Dogs is the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Can we really suck down on a Huey wiener guys and not gag and vomit in the process?!
So Huey throws the robe away and walks down main street kicking a can off screen which shows how bad the animation really is and then he has a meeting of the minds with probably the most perverted cowgirl in all of DTVA history. Seriously; I have never seen so much skin exposed from a female in a DTVA show. And I have seen TaleSpin for crying out loud. And as I expected; Huey just plain oversells it with eyes bugging out and tongue coming out. He also acts like a dog and jumps into the air and twirls around a television antenna for logic break #9 for the episode and then melts into the pavement and comes back for Logic Break #10 for the episode. 2:1 odds this is Agent X and it's clear that it is Agent X. Kath Soucie's voice gives it away. Huey walks on his hands as he grins as Agent X notices his braces and she likes them. Huey is SHOCKED because she actually LIKES him..UH OH! Huey has ZERO idea that he is a mere lamb waiting to be slaughtered and I WANT to see it. Huey loves this and they leave as Huey wants to paint the town red as a painter hears it and gets zapped...and so he paints the town red in rapid fire. Oooookkkkayyyy; this joke is getting way too overbooked now. Agent X and Huey exchange notes as a brown trench coat guy practices the fine art of not being seen by them as Agent X likes Huey's beak. Okay; that I can accept. At least it's not something out of his mental character.
Huey claims he might get a swelled head and the trench coat guy gets zapped and gets a swelled head. Okay; that was completely pointless guys and Doug is completely showing off for no good reason. Agent X proclaims that he must hear about this stuff all the time. You know the fact that she has yet to be zapped should point to an obvious clue that she might be a....maybe a....ROBOT... HUEY! It's all TOO OBVIOUS! The swelled head guy gets his head stuck on the road as the limo with the horns on the front which indicates that it's George W. Bush again on another Christian Mission and the swelled head gets popped; allowing Huey to be Scooby to Agent X's Shaggy and the swelled guy flies away like a balloon. Geez; as if this whole thing cannot be anymore overplayed. Drake Mallard must be laughing at me right now for all the year I mocked him. So they go to the alleyway and they are all alone which is trouble for Huey; but here comes trench coat guy who is clearly all right and that is clearly logic break # 9 for the episode as he want Huey's ass; but Agent X wants him instead. So she comes over and basically tilt-a-whirls him into the trash can; then gets compacted and then gets kicked right out of the episode for good. At least we hope so. Great spot there; that's the fourth good spot of the episode. Huey is impressed by this slut's power as he is scared stiff as Agent X admits that the trenchcoat guy was sent to protect him from her as she rips off her disguise and she is the KILLER FEMALE ROBOT OF DEATH! And she has the red lights; so you know Huey is DEAD as a doornail man. Agent X addresses herself and wants the braces as she invokes the mini buzz saws from her arms as she backs Huey against the brick wall as she wants to behead Huey. Huey gulps and that officially ends the segment 17 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; Huey is close to getting his neck cut off, but then Huey proclaims that he can make anyone do what he says because he has a mind control gadget. Sadly; one small problem: Agent X is a damn robot and therefore a robot cannot listen to something like that. Huey is such an idiot if he thinks this is going to work. I check the DVD.....Damn; I'm good. Although I do admit; it did enough to back her up about six feet, so it wasn't a total loss. Huey tries to get the braces off; but no dice either. Agent X proclaims her 100% steel and tries the POWER OF THE PUNCH; but she...recoils because there is dirt on her hands and it's a flaw on her perfect beauty. Oh; I get it! The device is there so she'll be a mindless killer. It all makes sense now. Horton is a genius in making stuff; just an idiot in putting it on the right people. Wait a second?! If the device has no effect on her; then how can she be a ruthless killer THIS way? Logic break #10 for the episode. She uses her polisher hand to rid herself of that so Huey uses the motor oil trick and it works to perfection as he runs stage left. Agent X actually got fooled three times this week which shows that she is a sucky agent...and a female one which makes it worse somehow.
That leads to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE BIG ASS BRACE EDITION~! Now all we need is the Quack Pack Theme Music and we have our first true Sidism in DTVA. He goes into the bridge white house and orders the bridge guard to raise the bridge and it zaps him and he obeys. He pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the bridge rises) as Huey struggles and gets to the other side as the bridge flaps over easily to keep Agent X over on the right side. Huey slides down; so Agent X counters with the jet pack to get over the bridge DUH! Huey is such a freaking idiot. Like a robot would NOT be built with a freaking jet pack BY NOW?! The chase continues as Agent X stops in midstream and Huey declares victory because the device still works; so Agent X invokes the BEAM OF DEATH and busts up the device. Umm; isn't the whole point of reclaiming the device to keep it intact so SHE could wear it? Whatever guys. Huey declares that he is DOOMED...DOOMED I SAY. I'm already DOOMED as it is. My IQ is already at half mast after this episode is over and dropping. The chase continues as Huey dodges the Mega Man Arm Red Arm Cannon of Doom and he calls it not one of his better days. Maybe not; but this day is better than yesterday's screamer of an episode that's for sure.
So we logically return to the kitchen as Donald Duck is at the sink and he FINALLY fixed the plumbing! IT'S A MIRACLE! Donald has made Cliff look like a total pussy. IN YOUR FACE CLIFF HUXATABLE!! Dewey and Louie back him up as Donald slams the door behind him; but the plumbing says screw you back on his no problem stance and the pipes leak so much water that the house completely floods. I don't care if this breaks logic or not; the episode is a write off anyway so I might as well enjoy what little entertainment I am going to get out of this episode anyway. Dewey and Louie blow Donald off for tapping into the big pipe as they swim around as Huey finally makes it to his house and opens the door and sidesteps all the water and stuff as it drops down the stairs and doesn't land anywhere else. How about that for wacky logic there?! The wet nephews dry themselves inside as Huey panics and pleads for mercy because a big ass robot is trying to cut his head off. They of course no sell the whole thing which proves Jack Thompson has been watching way too much DTVA to get pointers on his talking points if you catch my drift. Donald drops on his face with the lamp shade on his head to amuse me a bit as Huey goes on a bullying spree on Louie like Drake on Honker and Agent X then breaks through the wooden door. Man; for goodness sakes Agent X, that was lame. If you want to break something, break the damn wall down.
She has her sword arm out as Louie no sell all because she is one foxy killer robot (his words not mine). No wonder Jack Thompson can not be taken seriously anymore. Donald and the wet nephew go to their CRAPPY MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN as they set up the.... wait for it....A birthday party?......SHOOT ME NOW!! Instant facepalm Doug Langsdale. And if Agent X takes this seriously; I'm going to puke.....DAMMIT TO HELL! UUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH! What a stupid finish this is?! And of course the cake explodes and Agent X is annoyed. Well; you have no one but yourself to blame for THAT one Agent X. At least you can take solace in being as annoyed as I am at THAT MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. I betcha Dave THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS was proud of THAT one too. It's right out of his playbook. Dewey then realizes that she is made of steel as Agent X gets all bitchy about her skin again and he has MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #2. Okay; this one is slightly better as Dewey surrounds her and asks if he wants to clean it off for her as Agent X wants to MURDER him. Yes; yes; MURDER THEM TO HELL...BUT PLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE SPARE THE HOT TEMPERED DONALD DUCK!!! I BEG OF YOU! (We need him for House of Mouse..). Louie gives the thumbs up and Agent X agrees to it as long as she gets to MURDER them afterwards. Sounds fair as Dewey pushes her into the middle of the living room and then it's the TUB WATER CANNON OF DEATH as Agent X goes right through the wall upon a MAN-SIZED bump as the nephews call it extreme. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments....
Joey: We just fixed that wall!
So then Agent X goes through the ceiling as I do believe this episode should be over by now as Agent X proclaims that she can take a thousand impacts. Sadly; she makes the fatal error as Dewey reminds her of the properties of steel which is that steel actually rusts. Yeah; the producer had the foresight to make her withstand 1000 impacts; but not the foresight to make her rustproof. Whoever made her has never been in the rain before in his life. Gyro Gearloose I presume. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Agent X does the SCREAM OF DOOM and then turns red and rusts DUH! How sad is it for Jymn Magon that Doug can make his finish make more sense than his?! Dewey than proclaims that his vanity caused all this mess and it was her vanity that got him out of it. Huey wonder how great poetic justice is? Well; it isn't if you are me Huey. Trust me on that one. Circle Fade out to end the episode at 21:07. Well; at least this one had a finish that made sense; but it was a MUCH bigger mess getting to THAT finish. Plus the whole plot line was even more flimsy and stuck together with chewing gum. * ¾ (35%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Another episode of Quack Pack goes down the tubes; although to give Doug credit, he at least wrote a decent finish that made enough sense for me to leave. To be perfectly honest; I like Agent X though as she had the soft voice to care; but she was a damn killer robot but was too vain to realize her downfall. Horton was okay I guess and Smoosh leader was nothing but just another generic leader who didn't even get what he deserved for his involvement in the episode. Even Horton got off easily. It seems like this episode was there to focus on Huey going on and on about vanity instead of actually doing a proper story where Huey realizing the importance of being a normal person while Donald fails to fix his plumbing which was pretty funny I must say.. This is exactly what I feared would happened when I was talking about Darkwing Duck episode not knowing HOW to finish an episode properly. What makes this worse is that this is repeated in EVERY episode of THIS series. Like I said before; I think the ADM people are forgetting about what happened in 1996 and also forgetting that blaming Bob Iger is like blaming someone when the horse was already out of the barn 13 years ago. Also; there were a lot of logic breaks and Toon City blew several spots as well. Plus; the nephews were their usual sucky selves as I just could not tolerate them. However; if you like to see wedgies and robot voices; then this episode is for you. Otherwise.......
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.