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The Official Guide To My Rants

How To Read My Reviews- Phrases and words I use....

Okay folks; I understand that some people don't understand what I mean when I write these rants. This is a guide where I use phrases and statements that are part of my original talk and lame attempt to inject humor into an otherwise insightful commentary. Enjoy what I consider the phrases which makes my rants interesting. This page will be update when I feel like adding new jokes.

AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH: Anytime that I see smoke and/or someone coughing or blowing out smoke; I invoke this phrase. It's a running gag over the dangers of smoking by the way.

ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #x: I use this to annoy anime purists because I believe that they are causing more harm to anime dubs then the people at post-production are when it comes to dubbing and editing anime. Usually I invoke this when the characters do rhyming; which is considered a violation by purists. (Because rhyming is _COOL_ !). I have retired this one since even anime purists are getting the picture now.

BARREL OF LAUGHS: Just a barrel which is used to thwart evil even though it does not so big damage in real life.

BUMP: A character takes a shot on his or her body on objects which look more painful than they actually is because they are cartoon characters and therefore don't feel pain. Alternative Phrase: MAN-SIZED BUMP refers to a really sick bump; like Baloo's head splat in Polly Wants A Treasure. Wrestling is similar.

CHEST OF DEMONS: This joke actually started in Polly Wants A Treasure when Baloo pulled out a treasure chest. The Chest Of Demons was the main focus in the cartoon series The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo in which Scooby opened the chest and unleashed 13 of the most deadly ghosts known to mankind. Okay; maybe they weren't deadly. Scooby's job is to get the ghosts back into the Chest of Demons once again. Everytime I see a mystery chest; then I invoke this joke. Sadly; the joke didn't start in Plunder and Lightning where the treasure chest for the Sub-Electron Power Amplifiler since it looks very mysterious as well.

DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!): This is a running joke that I started in I Only Have Ice For You when Baloo broke the rules when he entered Cape Suzette without proper clearance and was suspended for one week despite the fact that Baloo's actions were not needed. The term DA RULES actually comes from the poorly done cartoon series The Fairly OddParents which is the rulebook for Fairy Godparents to follow when being with their subjects. The Fairy Godparent's part comes from Denzel Crocker who has a deadly obession with actually finding fairies and taking over the world. Everytime he sezs the word FAIRY GODPARENTS; he actually does the most insane bumping you will ever seen in your life which is actually funny.

DUBBED ANIME STYLE: Anime otaku's should understand this one; particually when it comes to anime dubs. This line is invoked when someone uses the mild version of swearing (darn, curses, heck, fiend, blast etc.) when in real life they would be using harsher words. I'll leave those words as an excercise to the reader. Since then I used it to invoke a certain way of speaking in other countries such as Dubbed Aussie Style and Dubbed Scottish Style.

FASHION POLICE OF LAW: Refers to a piece of clothing that is too cute and if it the person wore it in public then the person would be laughed at and shamed to no end. Usually applies to sea captains. Molly is usually immune to this for obvious reasons.

I SMELL A FANFIC COMING!: Anytime I sense a plotline where there is a way to create a whole new episode and make it half decent; I invoke this phrase as a way to relieve the pain and suffering that comes with the fact that Disney will never renew TaleSpin ever.

KIT THE MIRACLE WORKER: This phrase refers to Kit's ability to preform miracles and win my heart as a character. Don is similar; but is called THE EVIL~! MIRACLE WORKER.

LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRITY: A joke about someone using their heads longer than they should since the plan is so easy to spot regardless.

MIMI JOKE ZONE: This is a running joke from the little known; but great cartoon series "What About Mimi?" (about ****) which runs on Teletoon. It stars Mimi; a red-headed girl who is a very nice teenager and actually has the heart that Pepper Ann lacked so much of. The show is a teenage drama type show; but is the best of the lot. However; the funniest thing about the show is when Mimi has a problem; she sez the following: "Mimi's got a plan!" I literally laugh my lungs out because everytime she does that; things just get worse. So everytime a character doesn't get monster over in my eyes comes up with a plan; then I invoke the Mimi Joke. Kit Cloudkicker and Don Karnage are automatically immune from the wrath of that joke. This joke was retired after I discovered that Krackpotkin Plan (as per Gruel & Unusual Punishment) was a lot less dated.

MOLLY VIOLENCE: This phrase stems from the episode Molly Coddled. Molly Coddled was an episode where Convington was trying to seduce Rebecca into love while trying to steal the Cara Stone from Molly Cunningham. Molly realized that he was a creepface and tried to convince everyone that Convington was a crook. However; Convington and two unknown racoon furries threatened Molly several times; so Molly invoked her shin kick on them and the writers build a running joke around that. Molly's shin kick was so funny that I called it MOLLY VIOLENCE and I've created a religion around it . Alternative name: CANADIAN VIOLENCE which is a chop to the chest which has the running joke of what Canadians do all day.

object OF DOOM, PAIN, AGONY, DEATH etc. (Way too many to list): This is a popular phrase I use to indicate the stupidity of stuff used. Most of the time; I just use it for the heck of it although I have toned it down since moving to 50webs since it got annoying way too fast. However; Dragon Ball's Tao Pai-Pai is one excellent example of the phrase with his PONYTAIL OF DOOM which in real life cannot do any damage whatsoever.

OVER: It simply means that the character on the show is well designed enough to win my heart and makes me like the character. It applies to all named characters in a certain series. In TaleSpin there are few characters that have not won my heart at all. Kit Cloudkicker is the most over; followed by Don Karnage, Molly Cunningham and Shere Khan in that order. However; this is all subject to change. So far only Barney, Seymore and MacKnee are not over. Alternative Pharse: MONSTER OVER which means that they are so over than no one can hurt them (hence a monster.)

PROMO: Some statement or reference related to pop culture in the real world. For example a KFC promo would be something out of the commerical selling of Kentucky Fried Chicken (It's finger licking good.). In wrestling; it's simply someone trying to build hype to a match; or making a statement against another wrestler.

SEAL BOY KIT: This is Kit's infamous moment of dressing up as a seal during the episode "All's Whale That Ends Whale" and that pretty much saved the episode from becoming a DUD episode. Although my re-rant of this episode pretty much negated the joke since it wasn't quite the mess it once was.

SELL: They buy (or agree) what the person is saying or doing. No-selling (they don't buy or they disagree) is the opposite. In wrestling; no selling refers to a wrestler who refuses to act like he/she's injured and/or in pain when a move is used on him/her. Selling is the opposite of that.

SPOT: An animation sequence which is used. All animation does this often and some are screwed up. In wrestling a spot is basically the same.

WRAITH OF BECKEY (sic): This phrase comes from seeing Rebecca Cunningham being angry at everything when nothing goes right. She believes that her way is always right and screw all those who believe otherwise. She also gain sympathy doing that because Baloo is a lazy, irresponsible pilot after all and it's not too diffcult to understand why someone would be so uptight over that. However; (and the spelling is that way on purpose) her actions in the end come back to bite her on the bum and usually haunt her for the rest of her life. Sometimes used with different character names to invoke irony.

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