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Treasure Of The Golden Suns Part Three
So much for that theory....
Yeap; it's time for part three of the Treasure of the Golden Suns story arc and I'm sure this is Miss Beakly's/Webby's debut. If I'm wrong again; then it has to be part four for sure. See; that is the pitfalls of running the DVD and ranting the episodes cold. I haven't seen Ducktales in a long time; so I often have little idea what I am going to expect. Not to say that Ducktales didn't have any moments I remember off my head (Send In The Clones, Scrooge's “Sea Monster Ate My Ice Cream” promo instantly come to mind for mne); but that's why I'm watching the episodes in full. So let's rant on shall we....?!
This episode was written by Jymn Magon, Bruce Talkington and Mark Zaslove and the story is edited by Jymn Magon. The script was consulted by Tedd Anasti and Patty Cameron. The teleplay was done by Jymn Magon and Bruce Talkington.
The animation is done by TMS; which should be a constant for most of the season from 1987-1989; with the exception of a few episodes in between; and of course the rest was done by Wang Films/Cuckoo Studios combination. I believe they started the animation by committee episodes in the 1990 episodes. Just to note; this is the last time I'll be mentioning this as I'll be removing the animation studio list from here on out. Unless I get an animation studio that is different from Wang Films or TMS; there's no point in wasting anymore space than I have to.
Opening Moment #1: The title card for this episode is “Three Ducks of the Condor”. I should point out that Disney stopped putting the logo of their on their episodes show somewhere either around Winnie The Pooh or Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers which is around the time Peggy Charmon started complaining about toy shows. Not that I'm accusing Peggy of causing Disney to no longer use logo of shows that belong on these episodes on their own products; but if that's the case, this would be the most petty thing Disney has done. Minus doing the hatchet job on Plunder and Lightning of course. Also; Peggy hates anthro role models; or more to the point, any role model that is fiction. Fair enough; too bad the number of REAL WORLD role models is getting thinner by the second (that are still alive) and the pool was pretty thin to begin with so the fiction role model will have to do. How else can you explain the love for God?
We begin with a gate shot of Scrooge's Home Away From Home (The mansion) which I'm sure will be the defacto STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM now. Well; at least we get no CONTINUITY ERRORS like we did at the start of the second episode. A woman proclaims that she's next; but another proclaims that she's next. And so on and so on until Duckworth nicely tells them to shut up. So we cut into the lobby as Duckworth goes over the guest list on who will be taking the position of nanny as we see various mallards dressed up like stereotypical female nannies. Ah yes; you know this is DTVA pre-1989 when female characters were interesting; but still playing to female roles and mannerisms. One of them is Miss Pecktronella Bruce (Russi Taylor) who wears a purple dress (with white apron), a purple hat with a yellow daisy and the old elder glasses. She gives Duckworth the resume and then opens the door and the previous applicant runs like the wind (an easterly wind) and then crashes in a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen. Pecktronella takes her resume back and I assume she walks off judging by that look of hers. Man; what is her problem?
So we head into the room itself as a dogsperson accountant wearing a green visor hat and a blue trench coat with smaller glasses wonders if they should barricade the room as the previous applicant (or Pecktronella playing a prank on us for whatever reason) runs away like a scalded duck in the background. Hmmmm; scalded duck...SLURP! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Well; Scrooge is picking a nanny to govern the nephews (because he doesn't want them involved again of course); but of course the nephews don't like that. So Scrooge asks the coin expert Mr. Changemaker (Frank Welker) about his coin collection and Mr. Changemaker thinks it's most impressive. Apparently; it's rare to see a Zatslovian seven cent piece. Somehow I think that country will get involved in this series since foreshadowing is DTVA's forte. Scrooge does the COIN TRICK OF DOOM and out pops the Golden Sun Coin from the end of the second episode in his hands. It would be tempting to call that logic break #1; but I have seen legit coin tricks before so I'm going to let this one slide. Scrooge asks Mr. Changemaker if he had seen it before and Mr. Changemaker looks at it with the magnifying lens and it is a coin from the Treasure of the Golden Suns and thus the pilot episode begins in earnest.
Scrooge un-pulls himself from Mr. Changemaker (You can be charged with assault for THAT!) and blows him off because the treasure is only a legend. Yet; here is a golden coin from that very treasure. Mr. Changemaker proclaims that this is the second coin as Scrooge realizes that the boatload of treasure from episode #2 was just the tip of the iceberg. Then he pulls on Mr. Changemaker and demands answers to it's whereabouts. Changemaker confesses that it is hidden in a fortress high in the Andes mountains. And apparently the owner hates visitors. Must be because he thinks they must be his parole officers. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Scrooge drops Mr. Changemaker like a bad habit (with a good bump I might add) and declares that he's never reckoned with Scrooge McDuck. In other words; someone WORSE than a parole officer. So we cut to the nephews play area (I think) as the nephews are playing Lasso the Bow Snake~! Okay; not really as Huey has a snake, Dewey has the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE (but since this is fantasy; it's all okay) and Louie has a bow and arrow. Scrooge orders the nephews to stand down and asks who he has to choose as a governess. And then we finally cut to a fat lady duck with a violet dress, wearing purple shoes and socks and you can tell she's older than Miss Bruce (Do I smell a rib on the late Bruce Talkington somewhere?) defending herself with a wooden chair. Hiding behind a coffee table is a six year old girl wearing a pink shirt with a pink bowtie on her head. The Fat Lady...POW! OUCH! Ummm....addresses herself as Betina Beakly and thus begins the debut of what a lot of fans; more so females called the two worst characters in the series not named Bubba The Cave Duck.
Mrs. Beakly in a sad way is a political hot potato in that she had the character to work well; but her stereotypical mannerisms got in the way of success in getting over. As I said earlier in a previous rant (The pilot episode to The Adventures of the Gummi Bears); the reason most critics didn't automatically condemned Grammi Gummi, Princess Calla and Sunni Gummi is because they were in a time period where you would expect extreme sexism. However; Ducktales basically takes place in the 1980's time period (as least the elements were in place for it) where sexism wasn't really going to fly anymore and Miss Beakly was considered too behind the times. However; the problem with Beakly was not her stereotypical mannerisms or role (since she chose that role and wore it on her sleeve as we will see; and also Duckworth is basically doing the same thing so Scrooge is a equal employer on that level at least.); it was because she was ultra fussy. And in some ways it dragged down episodes a little bit. Mrs. Beakly is voiced by Joan Gerber who is another one of those who was a voice actress exclusive for the most part; starting in 1959 with Matt Funday Funnies and got her big break on the show Roger Ramjet (Dee/Lotta Love) along with H.R. Pufnstuf. Don't get me started on that circus please. She did a few live action shows; including being on Mathnet for Square One TV; and her last credit was Duck Dodgers in 2003. She's making her DTVA debut here and was on one other series: TaleSpin as Helga the maid who is actually a parody of Mrs. Beakly (in that she dresses like her and is a shrew and very EVIL. And I mean; playing with knives type of evil.) for the episode The Balooest of Bluebloods.
Anyhow Scrooge blows her off because she's not tough enough. HA! Considering that she hasn't run away yet; I'd say she's got the job by default. The nephews agree with him because they don't want a nanny see. Ah; I see the sexism just so they can force Scrooge to take them with him is for all to see. Man; no wonder Kit Cloudkicker is so awesome now. Beakly gleefully answers that one for me as she asks why she is the only one here. HAHA! I wonder what kind of answer they give eh? Louie tries to say that he's Master Huey and Beakly calls that a fib. Well; according to Disney Captions; the green guy is supposed to be Master Dewey so Louie isn't as far off in the fib. Louie blows it off as he wonders how he can tell them apart? Well; one is wearing red, one is wearing blue and one is wearing green. Easy. Of course before this; they were wearing the same color stuff and you couldn't tell them apart. Not that it mattered since all three were the same character anyway. Scrooge is impressed with this and asks for her resume and she responds that she'll work for nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Wow...she must be truly doing this as a sadist and Scrooge like that price and shakes hands. The nephews are SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order). They should be lucky that they are only going to be not allowed to go to the Andes and she's merely a servant to Scrooge. You could be in Baloo's situation and having Rebecca as YOUR BOSS! Beakly of course only wants room and board for her and her grand daughter Webbagail. Scrooge isn't sure so Webby starts begging with that cute whining voice of hers.
Ah; Webby Vanderquack (Russi Taylor), a female child who also got caught in criticism for the similar reasons of sexual stereotypes; but also got problems with her pink bow and whiny like voice. I personally believe that the pink bow thing is absurd and it's just people walking into offense more than anything else. Mainly because when you take the episodes as a whole and look at what Webby does as a character; she is pretty decent. Not Molly Cunningham awesome; but still good enough at this point. As for her voice; this is one area that can be criticized on the level of watching DTVA in the past. I think the real problem with Webby's voice is that Jymn Magon and Ginny McSwain brought in Janna Michaels for Molly and once they used a real child who had halfway decent talent on her own accord; it made some people believe that they felted absolutely cheated with Webby. As in; it didn't sound right which is something I mentioned in The Bad Reflection On You OAV Re-rant a few months back. Of course; you have to make the same argument with the nephews as well. Then again; judge not right?! Scrooge decides to relent since Webby doesn't eat a lot (SEXIST!) and then thinks that Beakly can teach those three monsters a lesson in manners. Oh man; they better not meet Kit Cloudkicker; because then they will see a monster at work. The nephews blow it off like the sexists that they are. Wow; this is truly the opposite of Plunder and Lightning because Kit was SO happy to see the little girl walk in. Scrooge loves this as he blows his cover and admits that he can relax while he's gone that the nephews will be in good hands. And of course the nephews ask where he is going. That wasn't very smart of you Uncle Scrooge. So we cut to...
….A workshop somewhere in Duckberg as Scrooge is talking to a goofy hippie like duck with red hair wearing blue pants, a pink shirt with black suspenders (now there's a fashion sense you don't see everyday) , glasses and a yellow hat. Man; does every major adult babyface in Duckberg (minus Donald and Duckworth) have vision problems or something? He's playing with the JAWS OF HALF LIFE as it picks up yellow gumballs from a jar. Can you say overkill? I knew you could. This is Gyro Gearloose (That just writes itself; doesn't it?); the inventor Scrooge (and everyone else) goes to in Ducktales. Think Professor Buzz only with a lot more exposure. Gyro is voiced by the late Hal Smith and if he's anything like Professor Buzz; then he wins profits from me. Scrooge wants Gyro to build him an airship so he can go to the Andes. He needs it for the steep mountains. Gyro tells him he'll think about it for a minutes and then puts on the pogo stick helmet and bounces with really wussy bumps on the wooden floor with his head. In any other universe; Gyro would be dead but as you will see Scrooge will outclass Gyro in this department in another episode. Gyro proclaims that there would be a problem landing the plane. And it's got to attach to a rockface and he's got it as he bounces back to his feet. That spot would have worked better if the bumps were MAN-SIZED; but it was cute as Scrooge asks him of the ship will take him very long to build. Gyro goes to the closet and finds his vice claws to run out and claw on the machine as this will take a very long time...and he him wants to come back after lunch. So GYRO'S the one who invented the internet?! It all makes sense now..
So we head to the junkyard outside Gyro's house (check the trash in the foreground as we see a helicopter with long talon legs made of steel and it's shaped like a condor. Gyro calls it the Golden Condor. Does Gyro and Buzz exchange notes by chance; because they had a golden helicopter in Baloo Thunder called the Cruisin-art?! Scrooge climbs in through the mouth into the cockpit as Gyro proclaims that it will soar like a mountain bird and will causes little bear cubs on airfoils to crash into them like a bird in the window. Okay; he didn't say that, but it is implied. Or maybe not. Scrooge swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Great Scott!) as he realizes that he cannot fly this by himself and needs someone to do it. Now wait a minute? Didn't Scrooge fly an airplane in episode #2? Oh wait; it's too complex for him to fly it; my mistake. Gyro suggests that there is one pilot stupid enough to do this and Scrooge doesn't like it. However; I do as Gyro proclaims that it's Launchpad McQuack. HAHA!
This is Launchpad's official DTVA debut; although if you count my ranting career; HE'S BACK! Folks; the Launchpad you are about to see is the real Launchpad McQuack. Not the pod one we ultimately got from Darkwing Duck who cracked a few jokes and did contrived story lines. This is the “Crash A Plane A Minute” wise-cracking Launchpad fans everywhere loved as he was the most monster over character in the series. To the point where Launchpad was considered in a spinoff before being replaced by Baloo because Eisner wanted Walt Disney stars (since he was milking them see). That would be TaleSpin; and in hindsight it was probably for the best because LP was never the same outside of Ducktales. Of course I could have lived without them burying Kit Cloudkicker though. Launchpad is voiced by Terry McGovern who started in movies like TMX 1138, Smile and American Graffiti. Then it was onto live television getting bit roles on The A-Team, Three's Company, The Facts of Life among overs. He started voice acting in The Jetsons and Kissyfur in 1985 and did some odd productions (First & Ten) before finally breaking out with Launchpad in his DTVA debut of Ducktales and then made cameos in Raw Toonage and a main star in Darkwing Duck. Although main star is a misnomer with Drake around. He has since been a voice in video games starting with Lego Island in 1997 and ending with Sam & Max Season 2 last year.
So we head to the flashback (which was pretty sloppy I might add) as we see a red baron plane go into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!). I see he's already prepping for the Ducktales spinoff. Too bad Eisner's values don't match the producers values. And of course; Launchpad had lost control as he spirals down calling for a mayday. We then get an awesome spiral shot from the cockpit with Launchpad's back to us as the airport controller (Chuck MaCann) yells at him to bail out as he doesn't have a chance. The whipping of the scarf is awesome as Launchpad proclaims that he never bails out of a crash. HAHA! See; parachutes make him airsick which has got to be the funniest (and most ironic) excuse I have ever heard. So we cut to the ground level of the airfield as Scrooge and Gryo are near air traffic control and Scrooge declare that he is in big trouble as the plane spirals and then does the third nastiest bump I have ever seen in a DTVA cartoon into the ground with a crash and explosion. HOLY CRAP?! Launchpad could be dead; but since this is DTVA, he'll probably be all right. I think they recycle this for the finish of A Star Is Torn.
Gyro and Scrooge take off their hats thinking that he's dead; but out walks Launchpad all right with only flames on his scarf. GOOFY PILOT ON FIRE! HAHA! Or maybe not quite; but I had to get the line in. Launchpad stops in front of them; takes his white scarf and blows the flames out remembering to blow smoke in Gyro's face. HAHA! Methinks Launchpad has a problem with nerds as he calls this big rubble, no trouble. How can you not like the real Launchpad?! He asks about the job and Scrooge proclaims that he needs his head examined. Launchpad slaps his back and calls him Mr. McD just to cement the pet names he normally uses and proclaims that if it has wings he can crash it as they walk off. HEH-HEH-HEH. Thankfully; the Golden Condor has none so Scrooge is perfectly safe...apparently. Scrooge hopes his medical insurance is paid up on the walk as he is being squeezed by LP. HEE HEE!
So we head to the launchpad near the mansion (the one with the dollar sign painted in red) as the Golden Condor has finally landed so to speak. Scrooge tells the nephews and Miss Beakly (with Webby) that this mission is too dangerous for them. Huey pleads that they could be some help. Considering WHO is flying the Golden Condor; I for once have to agree with Scrooge. Duckworth arrives to get his ten seconds of work in the episode by giving Scrooge a telegram on a golden hubcap like platter. Scrooge opens it and proclaims that he owes it to Donald not to have them gallivanting around with him. Oh come on Scrooge; why not just tell them Launchpad is a bad pilot who could kill them with his bad flying skills? It's not like Launchpad is going to be offended by that; since he is the “Crash A Plane A Minute” type of guy. Huey proclaims that they need someone other than Launchpad to help him and somehow Scrooge has found their replacements as Donald has a three day pass while his ship is in Panama.
Well; so much for getting Donald out of the show. The nephews call this unfair. I'll tell you what's unfair: You getting character slaughtered in 1996; and Kit Cloudkicker who is more over than you three combined (They don't him the MIRACLE WORKER for nothing you know) getting buried by Eisner. Scrooge proclaims that he's doing what's best. I agree with him with Launchpad around as Scrooge wants a hug and the boys turn their backs on him. Of course they want him to take them along because they DON'T want to deal with Miss Beakly and Webby. Kit wouldn't stay simply because he needs a rush for adventure; not because he doesn't like Rebecca and Molly. Not a condemnation; but an observation as Scrooge proclaims that he'll miss them as he walks into the helicopter and tells Mrs. Beakly to take care of them and she sells. Of course the nephews whisper-yell to annoy me as they'll take care of her first complete with evil snicker.
Now I'm sure that we'll NEVER hear from these ducks again. No siree!
So we head to the skies inside the cockpit as Launchpad is flying the Golden Condor and I'm sure Scrooge is sweating to the oldies. As in his own life of course. They are near the Panama Canel (check the locks on the river below in the foreground) as Scrooge invokes the binoculars to distract himself as he sees Donald on the airplane carrier talking to someone in a desk with white papers. He is Donald's lieutenant (another dogsperson wearing blue navy police suits with a face that says: I'm going to have roast duck for supper if you point that camera at me.) and this ought to be fun as Donald fiddles with the camera of death which just isn't funny anymore. You have to have it in your bow tie see. Donald's lieutenant gets FLASHED and blinded as he takes a decent bump off his chair onto the floor. Donald apologizes for that and tries to help him; but he destroys the paper stack of course. HEE HEE! Scrooge thinks this is all normal and tells Launchpad to land the Golden Condor and of course Launchpad does the nosedive. HAHA! Donald's lieutenant gets up and blows of Donald's funny stuff as Donald has to take it. Well; they don't call it the FCC Navy for nothing you know.
Donald's lieutenant (Frank Welker) stamps a pass for him with the black stamp and gives it to Donald to inform him to be back in 72 hours or be in hot water. Somehow; that phrase would be considered literal so I would listen if I were you Seaman Duck. Oh man; that was more disturbing than the writers had intended. Donald's lieutenant gets up and starts the countdown as the JAWS OF HALF LIFE grab Donald by his sailor hat and he flies away with the Golden Condor as Donald protests this outrage. HAHA! Donald gets pushes up into the Golden Condor cockpit (how does that work?) as Scrooge greets him. Donald is confused for a moment and then he blows off Scrooge and Launchpad for treating him like a toy inside one of those vending machines. I would LOVE to see Donald strangle Launchpad right now; but the FCC brainwashing will likely prevent him from such actions. Launchpad wonders what's wrong with his voice and wonders if he grabbed him by the neck as Donald's temper seems to be coming back as he rolls up his sleeve. Scrooge stops him before we have Donald go all choke on LP as Scrooge introduces him to LP. Donald blows him off and then walks stage left only to make the fatal error of not seeing where he is going and takes a good bump into the wooden box. Which I'm sure will be used at some point. Launchpad calls him a coupla quarts low. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Psychological Projection much there LP?
So we cut to outside as the Golden Condor is flying across the mountains. See; it doesn't have wings so Launchpad cannot crash the thing. At least in theory. The dust on the bottom is pretty neat as a visual as LP proclaims that he sees something as we see a fortress on top of a mountain and it's a pretty decent sized one too. Scrooge agrees with me as he wants a closer look and land and then we have trouble as the Golden Condor is having problems much to Donald's disdain. Launchpad proclaims that it is the freakish mountain winds. Interesting swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE because dubs didn't like the word freaks back then. And the the Golden Condors goes into a dive as their hats float in mid-air in a neat spot. Launchpad cannot control the ship, DUH! All three of them do a see no evil promo (Launchpad's is pretty funny considering that he's supposed to CONTROL the damn thing.) and they fall down and we fade to black with a crash sound and the most drug induced crash effect I have ever seen. In crimson red I might add. HOLY CRAP?! And you thought the special effects guys from those bad movie's were cheap?!
So we come back as we get a shot of the Andes mountains (to show how cheap that special effect crash WAS...) as there are clouds going in Mode 7 as we pan northeast as the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE are okay; but the Golden Condor is slightly damaged and hanging by a thread on a ledge. The talon legs are currently saving if from the sheer abyss as Launchpad calls himself the king of wings. Yeah; violate ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt not rhyme; because it's COOL!); that will get you over LP. Scrooge helps Donald up as Launchpad proclaims that it's not the same without a real Launchpad landing. HAHA! And the wind is whipping around the entire time; just to make LP look like a bigger dick. Sadly; the Golden Condor falls into the abyss below as the claws let go. D'OH! And then it crashes for real with smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, MOVIE RATING AND DONALD DUCK'S HEAT!) as Launchpad feels much better. HAHA! Scrooge blows it off and gives the homing device (a blue box which looks like a drink box) to LP and orders him to find the plane. Launchpad whines about climbing down; so Scrooge threatens to push him down. Okay; he didn't say it; but it's implied as Launchpad gets the point and he's climbing down. HEE HEE!
So Donald and Scrooge walk towards the entrance and the gates (which has the Golden Suns logo on it) and they slowly open it as something is going on inside. Donald and Scrooge enter quietly (as Scrooge blows off Donald for being loud) as we see a Spanish Captain in armor with the biggest color clash I have ever seen along with a mustache and beard addressing the native who are praying on the altar before the Golden Sun God. I believe this is Joaquin Slolee who makes a cameo appearance here and he's voiced by Peter Cullen. Peter started in 1967 with The Buddies television series and as an announcer of the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour along with being various characters in the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour. He started getting into animation with the 1980 Spiderman as the Red Skull and then as Hulk and Mysterio in the 1981 Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. However; his breakout role was the Transformers in 1986 as Optimus Prime and Ironhide. Ducktales was his DTVA debut; although he didn't get a major role until Rescue Rangers as Kirby and Muldoon along with the second Monty. He was also Gritty in Gummi Bears in the 1990-1991 season; had a cameo in TaleSpin; had a few in Bonkers before settling into his role as Eeyore in all Winnie The Pooh productions after 1988. He also reprise his role as Optimus Prime in the new remake live action Transformers movies and video games. He even did an anime show: IGPX: Immortal Grand Prix as the narrator.
So Joaquin has the golden coin in his paws and blesses it. Oh boy; can you smell the religious references pouring out of this one? The crowd pops golden sun like a manly man on drugs as we cut to Donald (with camera no less around his neck) and Scrooge noticing the coin. Donald has got awesome eyesight to be able to tell from THAT distance away. I certainly couldn't tell myself. Of course we see the Golden Sun coin to force the point to the viewers as Donald takes out the camera because he wants a picture of this and Scrooge begs him not to do it. Sadly; Donald snaps the camera and it flashes blowing their cover as Joaquin calls them intruders. And you can tell it's Joaquin because he has the Optimus Prime voice on full blast too. I'm guessing the savage chef (Hal Smith) is the native wearing the golden quail helmet on his head and a gold coin purple cape which we don't see from the rest. Scrooge giggles as he is seriously screwed and the two have got to run as they bail stage left.
The savages follow as Joaquin just stands there and cuts a nasty promo commanding them to destroy them. I see they are still getting the BS&P out of their system when it comes to the words kill and die. I should point out that the savages run sequence simply loops the same sequence three times in a row. So we see Scrooge and Donald run down the hill to fetch a pail of Savage Nuts. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...And of course there is no where to run as they are on A CLIFF! Scrooge swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Curse me Kilts!) because they are trapped; DUH! The savages run towards them as Scrooge stands on a rock and has his cane ready to MURDER them. Like I'm taking this seriously from a 65 year old senior citizen?! The natives come close and that officially ends the segment about nine and a half minutes in. Wow; that was a pretty short segment for the first act....
After the commercial break; we see the natives on the far sky shot run towards our GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE as Scrooge calls them haggis-faced galoots. Oooooo; those were manly words Scrooge. NOT! Donald shows the weakest knuckle up skills in history so Scrooge whacks him hard in the back of the head and Donald falls flat on his face. HAHA! Like Scrooge did that one by accident. I see Molly is taking notes as we speak. Donald is out like a dead duck and Scrooge attends to him by whacking him against the ground with his face. Yeah; that'll wake him up, in hell of course. Scrooge continues this silliness and then the Golden Sun Coin drops onto the ground and then the natives start chanting gold sun in unison. Man; it doesn't take much to amuse them I guess. And the coin is glowing. Is Sun Woo seriously doing effects animation on the side for TMS? Maybe that explains why Sun Woo got hired as an animator in 1989. Scrooge grabs the coin and blows them off because they think he's a high priest too. Well; it's nice to know that you can say priest in a Disney cartoon; but not in a Nintendo game in 1987.
Donald recovers as Scrooge jumps off of him and proclaims that the natives like his MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH too. Um; no Scrooge, they chant because the Golden Sun God Religion is brainwashing them. Think Fred Phelps only a lot less offensive. Joaquin enters and he is PISSED because they are praying to the wrong guy apparently. I think this guy should rethink his brainwashing techs if he's getting screwed so easily like that. He then realizes that there is another coin and goes to get Scrooge; but the two bouncer savages (wearing green and yellow dresses) who seems to have TMS distracted because they didn't even try to draw toes for them either. And even in this culture; they don't get it that Gedo equals bad fashion sense. They chant again as Joaquin tries to explain that they are really the enemy; but no dice. Scrooge butts forward and does the EAR TRICK OF DOOM to steal the second coin from him as they are his children now. Joaquin recoils and decides to wait until he gets a chance to MURDER them later and welcomes the sun priest (Religious references #2) as I wait with baited breath for them to say god in any context. And of course Disney Captions addresses him as Slowly (instead of Slolee like Chris Barat has it) and he is the host of this brainwashing exercise as Scrooge and Joaquin shake hands which is kind of like shaking hands with the devil at this point. The natives pop on that one too by the way.
So we cut to the cliff way as Launchpad slides along the edge (which is only about two feet tops, natch) as he notices in the background; a large city of South American condos (his words; not mine). And apparently it's not rush hour either as we get the dreadfully crappy Wuzzle scene changer as Launchpad walks into one of the condos and then takes out the homing drink box device of doom and it beeps better than Scrooge's beeper. He then walks into a room and notices the Golden Condor which crashed through the ceiling as according to LP; it will never play the violin again. Baloo stole that quote for Kit's airfoil in The Idol Rich and that got Kit quite pissed off. And apparently someone is going to be teed off; which is a nice way of saying PISSED...and that no one is home. Sadly; he come the native on the back shot as they got Launchpad cornered. So we cut back to the entrance inside as Joaquin blows off Scrooge for interfering in his plans to brainwash these backwards savages.
Plus; he wants the coin back as Donald is now PISSED off and rolls his sleeve because he wants to fight. Oh goody! At least one person isn't all that affected by his brainwashing. Maybe the FCC Navy should invest in Joaquin's techs after all; since they work better than theirs. And naturally; Donald is talking so badly that Joaquin cannot understand what the hell he is talking about. Yeah sure Joaquin; you're just playing with his mind now as Donald gets madder and Scrooge forces him back because Scrooge is a MAN see. Scrooge wants to negotiate; but he has question he wants answered. Oh goody; I see BS&P is back on task again. Joaquin blows him off because he doesn't answer to peasants see; even rich ones. Scrooge tips the helmet and forces the point: See it my way; or no coin and Joaquin finally concedes to him. Scrooge wants everything of course so we get the dreaded scene changer again.....
And we cut to Scrooge, Donald and Joaquin walking up onto the altar as Joaquin explains about his family living here for 400 years as he relates the story of his ancestor Marching Slowly (Now there's a pun I didn't need to hear) showing a statue of him...And then we get the dreaded flashback as we see Marching Slowly (the thin dogsperson wearing the same type of armor fashion sense as Joaquin) along with his partner Walking Slowly (the fat dogsperson wearing the same type of armor fashion sense.) carrying the sacks which contain boatloads of the treasure of the Golden Suns on the beaten path. And yes; I made up the fat boy's name if you didn't notice. However; the pun was RIGHT THERE waiting to be targetted. Sadly; they were betrayed as the captain sailed away without them as we see the sailboat sail marching slowly away from the east. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! The goofs pump their fists in outrage as they were left with one gold coin left. HEE HEE! There we see a Captain on the ship sailing proudly as I wonder: He looks like a young El Capitan. Hmm; foreshadowing? In this show? Nah; couldn't be.
Scrooge asks more questions and Joaquin explains that Marching Slowly and his partner Juan Tanamera (Now that's a quality name!) made a map and tore it into two pieces. And we see Marching tearing the treasure map apart into two to force the point as Joaquin explains that they then went their separate ways. Juan sailed away on an ocean current from Rioeo; never to be heard from again. And apparently; he was murdered by a bunch of sharks on a life raft judging by the shot they used to force the point. Marching Slowly of course is seen with the natives who accept him with open arms and cheering as they are sun worshipers (making him the smart one of the team). Joaquin is happy though to have the real power which is the gold coin which he somehow got back from Scrooge with no rhyme or reason. That is logic break #1 for the episode as a woman goes over to give Donald a trade of fruit and then Joaquin turns heel and uses his foot to knock her down onto the ground and splatter fruit all over Donald's head. I smell Toon Disney cut here as Donald protests this outrage and I don't blame him. That was pretty abusive to do.
Scrooge blows him off and calls him a petty tyrant which is one of the few times I have ever heard Disney used that word at all. I guess Eisner got spooked and thought it was a rib on his micromanaging skills. I wish it was actually. Donald wants to fight as he runs in and tries the POWER OF THE PUNCH; but he aims for the chest and not the face (which is a no-no on DTVA until 1990.) and Donald's hand swells up like a balloon. Wow; he's trying out for Darkwing Duck already and the show doesn't even exist in Tad Stones' little brain. Actually; having Donald in that show would have rocked, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Sadly; Donald takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the STATUES OF THE GOLDEN SLOWLYS (while selling the hand injury with grace and respect.) and they fall like dominoes. Scrooge orders Donald to go help Launchpad find the Golden Condor and Donald protests this; but Scrooge blows him off. Donald storms out blowing him off as being bossy. He must mean Grimitiz; or as Disney Captions sees him Clemons. Joaquin does the standard you will pay for this speech and Scrooge fully intends to pay; as long as he gets the map in return. Joaquin refuses because it's been in his family see and Scrooge blows it off as too long because he'll never use it; whereas Scrooge will; remembering to use the cane to force the point. Considering that the cane is full of wood and head shots aren't allowed; I wouldn't take Scrooge seriously here. He gets the second coin and he's twice as powerful as he does the coin trick and tells Slowly to think about it. While we ponder his answer; that logically leads to....
Donald Duck going into the South American houses as Donald blows off Scrooge like Kit on speed dial for being too young to fly. He even does a decent Cloudkicker kick just to show Kit how to do it. Donald sees the Golden Condor in front of him which is damaged in the town square which is logic break #2 for the episode because I wonder how those native managed to move such a thing. I'm guessing it has to do with Larson and Gary's Native Roids. It wouldn't surprise me if they were racists; since they had no respect for nerds. Donald looks for Launchpad and hears yelling as he climbs onto the roof of the house and then notices on the far shot a bunch of natives along with the chief (check the golden helmet) as he has Launchpad caught and basically tells him to be a birdman or die. Ahh; I see the Ubi Soft marketers are having their field test today as Launchpad jokes off on that one. Oh; but he isn't going to be a birdman as they brings out the wooden wagon and it contains a big ass vulture; probably the father of the condor Kit got nailed good with in Destiny Rides Again. Launchpad gets to fly it see as LP gulps on cue. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. Donald calls this bad and I disagree with him. This could be the best part of the entire episode as the native guards (who seem to have lost 100 pounds each since we last saw them) do the old HEEVE HO HOPPO OF DOOM. POW! OUCH! Ummm....
Launchpad lands on his ass on the condor and the chef proclaims that this test shall begin. The wooden gate is unlocked and it is ON BABEE! Launchpad flies like a drunk bull rider as the condor soars up and does a hyperbole in reverse; causing Launchpad to lose his seat. However; LP grabs the tail section before he free falls as the natives cheer for death. They are so like the hardcore fans; as it doesn't take much to amuse them or hate someone. Donald tells him to hang on as LP hates riding coach. You just hate it when you cannot crash a plane on your own there. Besides; you are getting MONSTER over with this so just shut up and enjoy the ride. More flying as Donald gets his trusty camera and decides that he'll fix his little wagon as he invokes the XENON FLASH OF DEATH and Condor gets it right in the face. He goes blind as Launchpad falls and takes probably the fourth sickest bump I have ever seen off his ass off the roof and bounces right back onto the back of the condor. OUCH! I think LP's tailbone must be broken right now.
LP thanks Donald and then covers his eyes because HE'S the real pilot of this outfit see as Donald jumps for joy. The natives are scared to death at this godly show of strength by LP (HA!) as Launchpad calls him Polly and Polly flies like the wind as the native chant Birdman on cue. Yeap; this is the new Ubi Soft test guys they used for their Imagine Babyz game that sold nearly 2.5 million units on DS. They run off as Donald joins with them as we logically return to...….Scrooge and Joaquin continuing to argue and Joaquin no sells Scrooge's deal. It's a matter of honor see and the debate has to stop because here comes Launchpad with his arms around Polly's eyes as it looks like he is going to crash again into the front of the building of the fortress and that ends the segment almost 15 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we continue with Launchpad's nosedive of Polly the Condor as he bursts right through the wooden Golden Sun Gate like a box of exploding popcorn and then takes a MAN-SIZED bump right into the stone altar to end that as Joaquin groans with outrage at something as we cut to Launchpad dazed and confused along with the condor. As they say; if it's got wings he'll crash it. It's called making the joke and then paying it off. Joaquin grabs a wooden stake (from the door I betcha since LP did ZERO damage to the altar) and wants to MURDER LP into ancient history. Considering Drake's burying skills; this isn't a bad idea on paper. On the other hand; LP becomes a one shoter and loses all heat from it. Sadly; the natives run in and save him with the chants of Birdmen. Now I know why game companies don't get the nature of flight when it comes to Wii. They watch this show for pointers. Donald enters as the natives (and the children) grab Launchpad and give him the football celebration which made zero sense to me since I always thought of it to be an American thing; but whatever.
LP wants a rain check on that one and speaks some Spanish to piss Joaquin off. Joaquin then finally concedes defeat and agrees to the trade as along as his friends just go away. Scrooge twirls his cane on that one as we cut to the cliff as the Golden Condor get lifted up with the rope pulley and the natives as Scrooge blows off LP and Donald for nearly blowing the deal. Huh?! How? Scrooge was LOSING until Launchpad came in with the condor and the natives chanting birdmen. I think Scrooge DOES need his head examined. The deal takes place tomorrow afternoon and Scrooge doesn't trust him see. Because the deal is taking too long for his liking see. Scrooge wants LP to fix the plane by tomorrow as Launchpad doesn't like it because he's only a pilot and not a fixer see. LP violate the ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 again as Donald gags himself because he needs to be at the office tomorrow; or the FCC Navy will hang his neck which of course Launchpad doesn't understand. Scrooge blows them off as he leaves telling them to fix the plane.
So we go to the Golden Condor near the cliff AFTER HAPPY HOUR (read: after dark) as Launchpad proclaims that the engine is busted completely and that the Golden Condor is dead. So; the only way out is to fly the vultures out of here; but he doesn't know how to take off and get it off the ground. Donald proclaims that he has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN for that and LP gets to handle the takeoff. Launchpad gets the wrench and torch and walks off as things are worse then he thought because he's beginning to understand him. HAHA! Launchpad was just playing with us all along because Donald has a bad temper see. It's one of those reading between the lines things the writers are so well known for. So it's finally morning as we cut to a far shot of the altar as the natives kneel down before Scrooge and Joaquin who are at the top of the altar showing off their Golden Sun Coins shining in the light. Joaquin gives him half of the map and Scrooge's eyes go all dollar signs on him as Scrooge calls this a deal and gives him the second Golden Sun Coin in exchange without incident. Joaquin holds up the coin and then cuts a promo calling him an intruder and that he offended the sun coins as Scrooge runs out quickly realizing that Joaquin has finally turned heel for real as the natives go to their wooden wagons to unleash the condors and destroy the evil ones. Scrooge runs to the Golden Condor as he tells the gang that he was double-crossed. NO?! REALLY?!
So Scrooge gets in and Launchpad tells him to row like crazy as there are oars in the Golden Condor now. Donald has tied a huge rock with some rope to something which I'm sure is going to backfire in their faces soon enough. Donald finishes his work and proclaims that they are ready for takeoff and of course Scrooge doesn't understand what the hell he is saying. Launchpad does though (now that's a scary thought!) as Donald is cued as he pushes the rock over the cliff with the stick and then runs to the side as the Golden Condor flies up into the sky and he waves from the sky shots. Scrooge rows a bit and then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY because they forgot Donald. I just knew Launchpad didn't like Donald judging by THAT gaffe. Launchpad tells him to row as he'll go back and get him as the Golden Condor and tries to dive towards Donald who is waving for him; but the condors attack and grab him by the shoulders. Do they honestly WANT to get Donald pissed off?! Seriously; do they?! Launchpad considers this not part of the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN so; he invokes the JAWS OF HALF LIFE right on Donald's foot! OUCH! That's going to leave a mark in more ways than one!
Condors do the tug of war spot which is only going to serve to piss Donald off even more. Thankfully; the sailor suit rips and Launchpad wins as Donald hangs upside down with his foot caught as the savage condors take on both sides of the wings. Launchpad counters that with the 360 Counter Spin which bashes the condors away and makes Donald feel like he's going to MURDER someone. We get the cut to the cliff with Joaquin blowing this all off and ordering his savages to knock them out of the sky. We get more flying sequences which looked pretty good even at this point as LP goes underneath the stone bridge and one of the condors flies up and takes a MAN-SIZED bump into it. Okay; that was the dumbest spot of the episode thus far. More flying as another condor rider is behind them on flank; but Donald manages to get into position and invoke the camera to blind him. Which of course produces nothing. You know you are screwed when THAT happens. And naturally he pushes the correct button on himself and flashes himself which causes the camera to bounce back and nail the condor on the head with a MAN-SIZED bump and the native with a decent bump allowing them to sell punch drunk so Launchpad can do the world steepest hyperbole causing the condor rider to take a NO bump into the cliff. Got that?! I sure didn't as we do another spin and Donald get loose from the JAWS OF HALF LIFE and starts to free fall.
Launchpad tells Scrooge to row faster (Funny how Scrooge turns into the slave in this one without a nary complaint from him. Must be bad heel syndrome creeping up...) so he can get some lost luggage. Donald free falls as the Golden Condor takes a nosedive and Donald does the bounce back tree root spot just to annoy me and that forces the Golden Condor into another hyperbole as Donald rises up and two condor riders are coming at great neck speed at each other. I betcha Donald gets rescued by the Golden Condor just in time and the Condor Riders bash heads with MAN-SIZED bumps. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. They fall like dead flies as Joaquin blows the whole thing off like a madman and then he panics like a maniac as the Condor Rider takes a MAN-SIZED bump off of him. HOLY CRAP?! That's the second nastiest sick bump I have ever seen; next to Kit's missile on Baloo in Plunder and Lightning. Joaquin gets squashed flatter than Alexander the Grape (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! And it works perfectly in the context of the joke if you catch my drift. Sadly; the two golden sun coins drop from Joaquin's pocket (!!!) and then fall off the cliff as Joaquin cannot get them in time. I'd say he's really (insert swear word here.). The natives look restless as Joaquin orders them to get the damn coins from the abyss and I betcha they no sell and go after him now for brainwashing him. Joaquin sobs like a little baby and...Damn; I'm good as the natives chant no gold sun like a bunch of idiots and then walk off stage left. Eh; close enough. Joaquin sobs like a little baby for his coins (sound familiar to someone else in this pilot eh?) as we pan to the west to see the Golden Condor fly away slowly in the west. Donald climbs on the JAWS OF HALF LIFE and goes inside without further incident.
So we get a shot of the river as Launchpad states that they are 12:00 high and now need to get Donald back onto the ship; or else Donald will probably get hanged by the FCC Navy as Donald demonstrates. Scrooge proclaims that LP will get him home as Scrooge has his life jacket and some camping gear as he is going to follow the currents like Juan Tanamera did 400 years ago to find the second half of the map. Donald and Scrooge shake hands as Scrooge agrees to bring the boys next time which probably means episode #5 of this pilot I'm sure of that. Donald likes that as Scrooge tells Launchpad to get the supply plane ready when they meet again as Scrooge steps onto the door and Launchpad pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and Scrooge free falls and opens the inflatable raft (which doesn't cause laughs by the way) allowing him to float onto the ocean water below. Launchpad is thrilled to see that as Scrooge waves and LP decides to return to the FCC Navy Ship. So we logically cut to the FCC NAVY ship as Donald's lieutenant has his stopwatch on proclaiming that Donald has two minutes until he has to do kitchen duty for the rest of his life. Huh?! Just that as punishment? That's awfully lame as Donald rows like crazy because he's going to be late. Considering that the episode ends in 45 seconds; Donald has nothing to worry about. Seeing him row is funny though as Launchpad notices the ship right away as he flies around and Donald's lieutenant counts down to 11.
Wait a minute; he had two minutes left so he should have at least 1:30 left to make it. CHEATER! Well; I should expect nothing less from the FCC Navy. Thankfully; he is stopped by the fluttering Golden Condor coming at him at 11 o'clock as the FCC Navy crewmen scatter like scalded dogs. And since they are dogspeople; it is completely apporos. The Golden Condor grabs onto the wire of the FCC Navy ship and Launchpad tells Donald to quit rowing. And Donald sells which causes the Condor to snap back and crash right onto the deck of the FCC Navy ship. The crew and Donald's lieutenant surround the ship as Donald comes out punch back with Launchpad as Donald cannot salute anyone allowing Donald's lieutenant to blow him off. Launchpad tells him to ease up as Donald just flew in from the Andes. Donald's arms are tired as he drops flat on his face in a neat spot. HAHA! Normally that would be the finish and we fade to black; but we cut to Scrooge in his raft sail boat drifting away with the current to end the episode at 21:16. Now that is more like it as Donald plus Launchpad equals major fun! Only Joaquin's bad heelish tactics prevented the perfect rating. I think Golden Suns actually has a shot now. **** ¾ (95%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I really love this episode and I like it because it contained Launchpad and Donald screwing each other and Scrooge for my pleasure. It's too bad BS&P existed because I would have loved to see Donald kick some ass; but his temper is still there in spite of it. Launchpad was great and he was merely warming up as the flying the condor Birdman sequence demonstrated. Launchpad was the original Baloo; only thinner and crazier. Baloo knows how to LAND a plane. Of course; the insanity was shifted over to Kit and WildCat so there you go. As for Mrs. Beakly and Webby; they were non-factors; then again that is what the writers wanted because if you noticed my sarcasm there is an important reason for the nephews to be so evil as we see when we go into the next episode. As for Joaquin; he was actually fine until they got to the climax and he turned heel which would have been fine in itself if he didn't look like such a weak ass in the end with his sobbing like a baby. Also; there were almost zero animation mistakes and NO logic breaks which really helped the performance out. It felt exactly like a TaleSpin episode which is what it needed to be. Great start; great middle; good finish. Donald's lieutenant was okay I guess; but he got a little contrived near the end in forcing the point even though we all knew Donald was going to make it. And he's a lousy cheater too. Overall; this episode has now put the pilot back into the thick of things for the Plunder and Lightning crown for best pilot. Next up: Ducks VS. Penguins; as Beakly and Webby strut their stuff for real. So....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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