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Ducktales episode or failed perfume?
I think I can tell what this episode will imply just by reading the title. It would be fitting considering how much Scrooge wants cash although I had bad memories of horse racing angles from ranting on Up, Up & Awry from Darkwing Duck. Let's rant on shall we.....
This episode was written by Earl Kress. The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron. Earl is another cartoon writer; but has the interesting credit of being uncredited in The Muppet Movie as Ernie. And maybe being a writer for the Ewoks which is usually a Nelevana release; but otherwise, it's the usual writing credits I see. Other than Ducktales; Earl did write for Brandy & Mr. Whiskers and for Kim Possible I should note.
We begin this one with a shot of dogspeople co-mingling together outside a building as a trumpet dogsperson (the one in a brown trench coat and gray hat) on stage blows. That is an action statement; not a quality statement I should point out. He's blowing the Kentucky Derby promo by the way thus giving away the plot line as if the title didn't already do that. He then takes the microphone (Hal Smith voices him by the way) which always signals DANGER as he welcome everyone to Louisville, Kenducky. Seriously; that is so lame that you know this is Ducktales. No wonder TaleSpin looks so high brow. We go into the crowd and see the nephews, Webby and Mrs. Beakly as Huey pokes fun of the town's name at Louie's expense as he gets ribbed. If they said Louieville; then the joke would have made sense. Then again; Disney Captions probably made a mistake there. And this is the annual Kenducky Derby parade as we cut to the street of the public as a pig furry (geez; they must have special rights or something?) in blue and red with Scrooge's top hat trumpets in with the Kentucky Derby promo as Scrooge rides in with a brown horse just to make the whole plot line so obvious. This episode better be entertaining Earl as Mrs. Beakly does her attempt at jazz with the trumpet in her blue purse (which wouldn't fit I should note) and it so bad that it's funny as even Webby has to cover her ears before they bleed. That is pretty pointless since blood is a no-no in DTVA until Gargoyles of course. Mrs. Beakly tells them that she can play the bugle (Yeah right?!) and the nephews rightfully blow her off as we cut to Scrooge ordering Cash Register (the name of the horse) to run faster. Okay; he's a greedy bastard we get it Earl.
And then Scrooge gets his cane stolen and gets whacked good on the head which goes over his eyes as we see on the far shot the return of Flintheart Glomgold for the first time in five episodes walk with his dark brown, black mane horse. Also; just to screw BS&P good; he even get a new stereotypical hat just to be a dick. He laughs it up as he tells Scrooge that things look dark for him. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Flint has entered his horse called Make A Buck (of course) and he'll win the big bucks so he can become the richest duck in the world. How is winning a horse race going to make Flintheart that much MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH to become the richest duck in the world? At least wait until Cash As Catch Can when you can REALLY make the big bucks. Otherwise; this is merely a bragging rights plot line in who can be the biggest dick in the world. And I think Flint would win it hands down. Scrooge blows him off telling him to Glom some gold. Yeah; that was so fitting of you to say that as we cut to two weasel furries with the blow darts (wearing matching outfits in blue and red colors) behind a mailbox and lamp post. Geez; they must be a block away since otherwise there are no people there to see it. Or it's logic break #1 for the episode barely two minutes in.
Flintheart counters and tells him to jump in the lake. They fire some orange rocks (that you would normally see in rock fizz candy packs) and they manage to hit the backside of the horse and the horse goes berserk. AND CASH REGISTER IS OFF to jump in the lake even managing to jump over a bench with a couple in the process (so sad they got to eat water). HAHA! Finally; a lame insult actually lead to something. Scrooge and Cash Register pop up and the crowd laughs them out of the parade. I didn't know this was an ECW parade. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Flint laughs at Scrooge's expense as we see light brown weasel wants some more and Shifty (the dark brown tall weasel) tries to stop him; but light brown weasel blows the fizzle rock and Make A Buck gets nailed in the ass and HE'S OFF to jump in the lake and does a better jump than Cash Register (missing them by two feet) and the couple eats water again. This couple is so stupid. They should both date Drake Mallard. AHAHAHAHAHA! POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummm...
By the way; Shifty is voiced by the late Johnny Haymer (who passed away in 1989) who did mostly cameo roles in the 1960's and 1970's (including one on Star Trek) and several war movies before becoming Sgt. Zelmo Zale in M*A*S*H and Walter 'Pinky' Pinkerton in Madame's Place. He didn't do much in voice acting other than Transformers as Vortex and Alvin & The Chipmunks as an additional voice. This is his DTVA debut and his only DTVA show. The light brown weasel is voiced by Dick Gautier do started in 1963 on The 11th Hour. He was Hal Walters in Mr. Terrific, Hymie in Get Smart, Jerry Standish in Here We Go Again and Robin Hood in When Things Were Rotten. He started voice acting with The Smurfs in 1981 and did a combination of live television and animation from there until Cow & Chicken in 1999. He was also Burt in the video game Detective Barbie: Mystery of the Carnival Caper and even wrote two movies: Wild In The Sky and Maryjane. Ducktales was the only DTVA show he was in. Back to the rant; as Flint and Make A Buck pop up and Scrooge calls out the irony of all this. HEE HEE!
So we cut to the race track on the far shot and then a pan shot over to the stables and parking area as there are people around from miles away (about fifty of them or so) as we cut to the fence where Webby, the nephews and Mrs. Beakly are watching something. Webby notices a drum banging and she notices a horse walking around as the nephews turn around and Dewey swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (swell) because he hasn't seen one all day. Umm; check your internal logic there Dewey: You saw two horses in a parade earlier. That is logic break #2 for the episode. Webby calls this horse different as we cut to a mallard in old brown clothes, blue pants, brown shoes (check the patch on the right sleeve) and with a beard that spells hobo. He is beating on the drum which has two patches matching the suit and there is an old camera (complete with black cloth so you know that he doesn't like technology) and there is a brown horse with a brown mane looking smooth and relaxed.
Dewey blows it off as the hobo tells them to step right up and beat the rush to get a picture taken with Milady the belle of Kenducky. Well; she is female so it's completely apporos; but I think that hobo thing is going to fail since everyone ignores him. The mallard (who wears a green shirt by the way) offers one dollar to take a picture on Milady (actually Disney Captions; it's M'lady according to Chris Barat). No one takes him on the offer as he decides to leave with Milady (which Open Office actually sees as a word) proclaiming that he has had no business all week. However; Webby runs in and offers to do business with him so that she never forgets her. How sweet of her to do that considering the guy dressed like a homeless person. Milady neighs as the hobo grabs Webby and proclaims that this can be arranged. Webby giggles (and it's a good one for a middle age woman I should note) as Milady and Webby gets together as the hobo goes behind the camera's black cloth and the flash takes her picture. OH NOES! He's taken her soul! Or not as Mrs. Beakly grabs Webby from the horse and Milday gets all whinny on Webby.
Milady is voiced by Susan Blu who should be very familiar to cartoon watcher as not only a good voice but also does casting and dialog directing (which she started in 1989 I should note). She started in a few live action television shows (Three's Company, Saint Elsewhere and Kojack); but is mostly a voice actress for animation. Ducktales actually is her DTVA debut and really her only show appearance on DTVA. She has done some of the Army Men video games as Vikki; Astro Boy 2003 as Zoran, a video called Grandma Got Ran Over by A Reindeer (as the Grandma by the way) based on the song of the same name. Her most recent credit is Transformers: Animated as Arcee. Her voice direction and casting includes: Beast Wars, The Magic School Bus, Handy Manny, Special Agent Oso and Star Wars: The Clone Wars series. Anyhow; that is the last voice talent for this episode as the two weasels (from earlier) arrive to blow Mr. Merriweather off. Now according to Chris Barat; it's either Hal Smith or Brian Cummings as an uncredited role. I have already mentioned Brian Cummings from my Wuzzles/Gummi Bear rants so I won't mention him here. Besides; Brian Cummings does voice the next rant; so if I need to do a credit report; I'll do it there where I know for sure he voiced a character.
Shifty takes the camera while light brown weasel pulls the hat over his eyes. Yeah; doing that will make you a serious badass heel. NOT! They mock him like a bunch of kids (Aren't they supposed to be adults? This is beyond lame; or maybe TaleSpin has blinded me after Don Karnage showed the proper way to be a badass heel with flair.) and play catch with his camera as Merriweather pleads for them to stop. I agree; they should stop and act like real heels and shoot the horse dead. It's not like they threaten a horse's safety and well being earlier. The light brown weasel eats a cherry apple (So the Land of Wuz is 1000 miles away from Duckberg I see?) as Mrs. Beakly wonders who threw that and we pan over to see Webby throwing cherry apples at the heel. When Webby is cooler than you; you know you are hosed as a bunch of heels. Good throwing as the heels get whacked in the face with apples. Those apples must be soft as hell because real apples would bounce off the face and break into pieces; not turn into applesauce. That is logic break #3 for the episode as Milady laughs at the heel's expense. The heels decide to bail like the wimps that they are as Huey is liking Webby's aim right now. If this kills Huey sexism; then good because when Quack Pack comes around he turned them into sex objects. Shifty throws the camera away on the bailing and Mr. Merriweather cannot get to it as it lands into the knothole of a tree. He trips on a tree root and uses his head to destroy the camera. Well; you have no one but yourself to blame for that one. He should take everyone's advice to George of the Jungle: WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE! Or tree root in this case. Merriweather is APPALLED as Webby and Milady pet each other as Merriweather panics because without the camera; he and Milady are out of a job.
…..And then the shadow arrives and it's Bull Weevil (because WE ARE EVIL see!) who is a fat dogsperson wearing a red coat, brown pants, green shirt, the shortest cowboy hat that fits on his head and black boots. Merriweather actually buys oats for Milady from him. Bull (Johnny Haymer by the way) tells him that he owes five months worth. Bull shows the proper way to be a heel: Be menacing and forces him against the tree while Merriweather pleads for mercy since he had a bad week. Well; half of it is self-inflicted by you not WATCHING OUT FOR THAT TREE; so I don't exactly have sympathy for you Merriweather. Bull blows him off and drops him on his ass as he wants payment NOW; or the horse is his to work in his fields as a slave. The nephews help him up as Milady panics like a horse on fire as Merriweather asks if he could offer him an alternative. Sadly; Merriweather has nothing thus proving that he IS a hobo as Webby doesn't like this one bit. Merriweather tries to assure her that he will see her and meet horses; but Bull really turns on the heel heat by pulling Milady onto the back of his horse tow truck as he'll make her work until she dies basically. Now that is just cruel. I see where Seymour got his tactics from and again: Why does Disney have to make every animal trainer look like a heel? Although at least here; it's Merriweather's fault for being such a hobo. In All's Whale; Kit felt that Moby was better off with Seymour only because he couldn't keep him as a pet. It wasn't until he saw the show when he realized the mistake he made and Seymour is a lot crueler than Bull is. I mean he even lasso's Kit's neck at one point (when he was a seal) which Disney Channel cut for obvious reasons.
Milady struggles as Webby is PISSED off and she storms in as Milday is in the trailer and he closes it up with a lock that even a child could break in five seconds. Which allows Webby to sneak in from behind when Bull goes to the truck and she tries to unlocks it; but Bull spots her and throws her into the hay. Again; Webby is female, so it's understandable why the spot looked weak. Seymour did a lot more to Kit then just THAT (drop him into a tank of sharks; and used him like a bitch when he was Seal Boy Kit for starters). Milady is JACKED as the truck starts so she drop kicks the door and break the wood around it. Try steel bull; the benefits pay for themselves. The truck drives away in a cloud of dust and Milady is shown outside easily. That is one smart horse there as Milady uses her teeth on Webby's ass to pull her out and they have a bonding moment together. Bull sadly uses the rear view mirror and notices that he have been screwed by the horse and then does a circle around a road and comes back calling Milady a swayback old mare! Milady looks young by my eyes; as it's just Bull acting like a bad heel. Milady uses her head to pull Webby onto her back and WE ARE OFF....as we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE HORSE AND TRUCK EDITION~!
This is like one of those sprint races where a runner, car, horse and other rides compete to become the fastest. They run on the track as Mrs. Beakly panics and like a stereotype faints dead away with Merriweather force to catch the big blob of weight. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...the nephews are really impressed by Milady's speed. Milady jumps over the fence while the truck breaks through as Milady is winning this one as she panics and does a really good jump over the haystack which Bull destroys of course. Milady goes through the narrow trees easily; but Bull's luck runs out as the car gets destroyed on cue (HA!) and Bull goes flying out like he was in a real car crash and falls into the mud pit. He should only be so lucky; in real life he would be injured beyond belief. He get ring tossed by a tire to slow him down as the QUACKEROONIES OF DOOM are amazed by Milady's speed. Well; so much for Milady being old there Bull. Mrs. Beakly is worried about this.
So this logically leads to seeing to a shot of a police car as we pan left to a police officer (I don't have a credit for him sadly) in all brown giving a speeding ticket to the horse. HAHA! Well; she is a moving vehicle so the law applies here. Webby just sits there and giggles as Milady winks to the camera on that one. This is only going to piss off Bull even more. So we head back to the stable area as Webby and the gang exchange notes on the situation. Webby proclaims that she knew it all the time that Milady was a real race horse as Merriweather helps her down. Dewey realizes that she could win the Kenducky Derby hooves down which should indicate where this plot is going now. Merriweather isn't sure since she has been out to pasture a long time. Probably because someone thinks Merriweather is cheating and using the ROIDS. However; I doubt it since she hasn't gone into ROID RAGE....yet. Huey states that if he can win; then he gets all the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH and be able to pay back Bull and keep her to boot. Merriweather calls this a jim-dandy idea and maybe there is hope for the two of them.
Unless the Racing Committee will allow it of course. Webby know the chair of the Racing Committee personally and of course that leads to the scene changer and we see it's Scrooge McDuck. In which he disallows the horse from entering because he'll be laughed off the race track because he has to win it see. I think of it this way: If Milady wins; Flint doesn't and Scrooge is still the richest duck in the world by the logic Flint uses. Problem is; Scrooge actually shows that this is nothing but bragging rights in being the biggest dick in the world. Although Scrooge not allowing Milady to enter might give Flintheart some competition after all. Milady then starts getting on Scrooge's case by tickling him with her nose as Scrooge tells her to cut it out. I say continue on Milady. That's one sure fire way of getting cartoon character to do what you want since tickling is a cartoon character's weakness see. Webby wants to bring on the heat with tormenting him on her sad story again. If we ever find out what happened to Kit before he met Don Karnage; it would make Milady's story look really weak. Scrooge swears in DUBBED ANIME STLYE (bust me bagpipes!) and decides to allow Milady to race after all. The kids cheer for victory as Dewey clears air like no one else while Webby hugs Scrooge and declares that the Kenducky Derby will never be the same again. Scrooge agrees with her as Milady kisses Scrooge on the cheek just to rub it in.
So we cut to the stable area where Louie is wiping the seat of a saddle outside while Dewey enters the stable with a bucket of water. Huey and Webby are wiping down Milady and whistling while they work. Thank goodness Scrooge isn't representing Milady or else that whistling would die. Sadly for him; it's good whistling. Huey is cleaning the hooves by the way as Dewey gets on a soap box with a big ass toothbrush (which is completely apporos in this case) and wants Milady to show them Mr. T title teeth; but Milady no sells. Good; someone has respect and decency for the Agony Booth for a change. Louie grabs a box and uses it to tell Milady to smile for the camera in which Milady opens wide as Dewey puts some toothpaste on the brush and brushes them as Milady shows them off and they shine brightly. Again; is Sun Woo doing special effects on the side or what?! So that logically leads to the race track as Webby is on Milady at the starting line in horse racing gear and she looks like an absolute tool wearing it. The nephews and Merriweather along with Scrooge watch as Scrooge annoys me with the Gruffi pose.
Webby tells Scrooge to watch closely because Milady runs so fast; he won't be able to see her. Milady annoys him more by chewing on his top hat just to be a dick. Huey then makes history as he has the starters pistol (I betcha Disney Channel cuts this out) and he...oh wait; it's only a water pistol. Never mind as WE ARE OFF..and Milady doesn't take this seriously as she waltzes and Webby wants her to ride like the wind. HAHA! Then the FLY WE DON'T SEE BUT HEAR BUZZING OF DOOM arrives and we actually see it. Man; that just makes Stress to Kill look like a real pussy doesn't it? Milady MURDERS the fly with her ears in a neat spot (making Drake look really weak which is A-OK by me!) and Merriweather tells her to tear up the field. Scrooge isn't amused by this. The nephews cheer on; but Milady no sells and eats some pink flowers on the track. Huey and the nephews along with Webby try to push her; but no go. Huey then notices a snail going faster than the horse as Merriweather clocks it as a new record for the longest time ever.
So we cut to the stables AFTER HAPPY HOUR (After dark) as Flint's two weasel henchman practice the fine art of not being seen as they notice Milady; but sneak past her because they are really after Cash Register as the light brown weasel wants some of the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH and Shifty agrees to it as long as he doesn't do anything stupid. Okay; they are horse napping which is an improvement from their bully tactics earlier. The light brown giggles as this will be like falling off a frog which is really lame as Shifty heads to the horse vault which has got to be cruel and unusual punishment for Cash Register; thus making Bull look weaker than one alarm chili. The light brown weasel thinks Scrooge is staying here but Shifty blows him off. Shifty picks on the combination lock while brown weasel uses a lead pipe to pry the door open. This logically leads to a truck driving away towards the moon light with Cash Register (check the mane) in tow from the horse trailer who is still sound asleep. That ends the segment almost 11 minutes in. Just an average episode so far...
After the commercial break; we head to a bed & breakfast (I think) AFTER HAPPY HOUR as Shifty is near a phone booth lit with a lamp pole as Shifty drops a coin into the slot and dials the number. The phone rings inside an office with a lamp lighting it. It must be Flint's office as Flint answers it wearing a blue robe as Shifty tells him that the cash register is closed. Flint is impressed as he tells them to take Cash Register to the old farm until the race is over. He slams the phone down and in from the window is Make A Buck who looks like a heel horse now as Flint proclaims that the victory is in the bag now. They share a laugh with each other as we cut back to the truck as it drives up a steep stone hill as Cash Register wakes up and thinks nothing of it. As they go up the bumpy hill; Shifty proclaims that he pulled it off without a hitch. And then the hitch of the trailer bounces off the back and Cash Register's kidnapping trailer goes down the hill and goes into a wooden barn which takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the back wall off-screen. We cut to inside as Cash Register walks out with sticks in it's mouth and walks away. So we head to morning at the stables as the nephews are working outside and Scrooge has arrived.
The nephews are checking the damage as Louie proclaims that someone wanted his horse badly. Flint arrives just to rub it into Scrooge's loss like a dick would. Scrooge blows off Flint and declares that he'll go after Flint if he doesn't find his horse before the race. Flint slaps him on the back and gives him a shoulder to cry on. I think somehow this is going to be used in the finish; I just know it. Then the nephews shout as they bail stage right; and then we cut to the nephews as Huey is leading Cash Register back home. So much for that MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN Flint. Cash Register goes to the stable and licks Scrooge's face to make him giggle as he is glad to see him. Flint isn't so happy as he throws his stereotypical hat down and stomps on it like a whiny little baby. Or for today; racists. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Flint was at one time from the Middle East you know. Louie grabs the stereotypical hat from the ground just to make sure BS&P doesn't steal it and Flint declares that he'll win the race anyway. So; he's admitting to his guilt to stealing the horse in the first place. Flint takes the hat away from Louie and walks off. Scrooge naturally doesn't suspect a thing. Flint incriminates himself on the spot by having a temper and Scrooge DOESN'T NOTICE IT?! It's not a logic break; but it is kind of odd. The nephews and Scrooge have a laugh at his expense.
So we head to the race track on the far sky shot and Milady is still waltzing like a dick on the racetrack much to the disdain of the nephews, Merriweather, Mrs. Beakly and Webby. I wondered when Beakly would come back. Probably went to the See-Food buffet they had this morning. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm....Webby is now wearing green pants and smaller version of web boots that Launchpad wears. They cross the finish line and we get the impossible time of 2 minutes and 9,999 seconds. So that is 168 minutes and 40 seconds; or 2 hours 48 minutes and 40 seconds. I call logic break #3 for the episode since no damn horse can be that slow and NOT be dead as a result. Then the horn honks and we see a truck racing down the S-hill and that is Bull coming back to take Milady away. He just noticed that NOW?! Now Bull is so stupid as a heel as the nephews yell at Milady that Bull Weevil (because we are SO EVIL!) is coming to take her away again.
Webby realizes the obvious and Milady finally shows some real effort as they bail stage right. Then we cut to Mrs. Beakly and Merriweather humming and whistling while cleaning the bugle and beard (in that order). Bull grabs onto Merriweather and demands that he wants his workhorse now. Mrs. Beakly tells him to look for it himself since it's his horse. A horse you STOLE from him. If Bull wasn't so dense; he would have called the police on them by now. Bull drops Merriweather on his butt after Merriweather proclaims that he doesn't feed her anymore and Bull goes to the stables while the two thieves shakes hands when he's not looking. So Bull checks the stables as Huey and Dewey are cleaning up Cash Register and Bull demands them to tell him where the horse is. The nephews goldbrick on him just to show Kit how it's done. Dewey reflects on a horse joke he heard as we cut to Louie, Milady and Webby on top of the wooden beam of the roof of the stable. Okay; that breaks all logic and reason right there folks. Webby has a mouth cloth cover to cover Milady's mouth so she doesn't make any noises which isn't going to work. I'm calling that right now. The joke is so lame that Bull tells them to stop horsing around just to make him look weaker. He wants the old nag (as Bull would say) which Milady panics inside and pushes Louie around and we get logic break #5 for the episode as we can still clearly hear her neigh but Bull doesn't. Man; Bull is tone deaf I see. Webby tells her to be quiet and Bull realizes that there is something going on in the stable and logic break #5 is popped out of the episode! About damn time too. So Bull isn't tone deaf, my mistake.
Bull heads inside and looks around. Considering the line of sight he's using, he should clearly SEE them and he does as the roof beam starts to break. Good; it's about damn time logic is being used around here. Louie bails stage left; but Webby and Milady crash and MURDER Bull on-screen with a pretty weak bump compared to most of the bumps I have seen in this series to date. Well; Webby is on the horse; so I can see why. BS&P RULEZ! Webby and the horse drive out of the stable in a panic (along with Louie) as we see a really contrived moment as Bull took the bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON. If you are going to do that spot; the bump has to be MAN-SIZED. Bull pops up punch drunk and will get that horse when he gets out of the hospital which will be about six to eight weeks according to Jim Andrews. Bull then drops dead with a MAN-SIZED bump on-screen. So why not do it when he got MURDERED in the first place. So we cut to Milady bowling over a pile of logs like a bowling ball and the logs drops into a perfectly done log cabin. That makes no sense since the roof uses planks instead of logs. That is officially logic break #5 for the episode. Nice spot though as we head into the car wash with no context whatsoever. Milady goes into the car wash much to the protestations of the people. This is turning into a Wuzzles episode: Klutz on the Clutch which was the worst episode in the Wuzzles. Sadly; Chris Barat has no voice notes on the people talking in that scene so don't ask me. Webby pulls on the reins of Milady and the horse stops and skids into loops and stops panting like crazy. Webby hopes this is a good sign; but it turns bad as Milady drops off her hooves tired. This is not a good sign for her.
So we head to the stables AFTER HAPPY HOUR and then the sun rises up extremely quickly (Man; this universe is pretty whack!) as we cut into the announcers booth as a rooster is perched on the desk and it crows as morning has come and the moment of truth is soon to arrive. We cut to the stables as Milady has got a roller job on her mane just to show that she is a female. Man; are their no tomboys in this series (other than Goldie of course)?! Webby takes the rollers off and uses the MIRROR OF VANITY as Merriweather is not amused because the big day has come and Milady is still acting like a dick. Milady kisses the mirror (wonder if that brings seven years of good or bad or no luck? Ponder that one for a moment...) as Webby proclaims that Milady will put those other horses to shame when she crosses the finish line. Dewey blows it off as if she crosses and Mrs. Beakly calls him out on that. Geez; it took her 15 and a half minutes to become fussy, a new record for her. She cuts a really cute promo and proclaims to win one for the Beaker and somehow that improves her playing the trumpet by 500%. Maybe there is something good about being fussy after all.
That excites Milady and she runs like the wind which is a southwestern wind (the rarest wind in the land!) Webby hold on to her on tow and Milady runs around the track on the far shot in record time. Mrs. Beakly and the nephews go over to the fence and they realizes that the bulge jump starts Milady. You know this would have made sense if they played this angle FROM THE VERY START when Milady got away from Bull the first time. Otherwise; that's logic break #6 for the episode. More running by Milady as Webby is finally on the saddle as Milady is tiring out. The nephews cheer Mrs. Beakly for finding the solution to their problems. Again; in the context of this episode, this is pretty contrived and forced. Beakly plays the bugle and she HULKS UP and runs faster as Merriweather admits that she is related to a cavalry horse and responds to bugles. It's not that I hate this angle (I don't); but Milady was running like the wind when Bull was around WITHOUT the bugle coming into play. Twice I might add. Louie tells Beakly to play during the race and they win like the cheats that they are. Beakly is giddy as she realizes that those bugle lesson did come in handy someday. Beakly plays some more as Milady continues to run around the track to end the segment sixteen and a half minutes.
After the commercial break; we head to a far shot of the horse racing track as the fans of horse racing which is all walks of life- I see a mouse, a hippo, a crow, a few dogs and mostly ducks and dogspeople on the pan shot. That should show the makeup of this show by the way. We head to the two VIP sections (painted in green) as Scrooge and Flint take their positions. They give eye contact violence and then show disdain for each other. And then more eye contact violence and blowing off. Geez; punch each other in the kisser if you hate each other so much guys. You're turning into Hoppo now. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm....We cut to the stables as horses are running and Milady is blowing off a butterfly literally. I see she hates the Smurfs too. Webby enters with the banana yellow surprise and Milady opens to reveal some pink flowers just for her to wear on her neck. Webby then uses the MIRROR OF VANITY as she calls Milady a beautiful lady. Well; that goes without saying of course. Milady sheds tears in a cute moment as the cancer music is playing. This sadly is not emotional by any imagination. The announcer (Hal Smith in Gyro's voice I should point out) beckons on the PA that it is post time and all horses are to report to the track. Webby declares that this is it and Milady flips the banana yellow cap onto Webby's head. Gedo fashion sense; BEGONE FROM MY TELEVISION SCREEN!
At least the green negates it somewhat as Milady gets inspired and pulls on Webby's pants with her teeth to pull her onto the saddle. Milady walks stage right as the horse get on the track and the background is terrible beyond belief as it's all circles and no real faces to speak of. Cash Register gets the number one slot as Scrooge cheers for her, DUH! Flint boos on cue and it's the worst acting I have ever seen and somehow it's too funny not to mention. Flint does a lame raspberry that looks like he's giving the sexual tongue if you catch my drift here. Make a Buck gets the number two slot and Scrooge blows him off because it is apporos for Flint see. Flint yells at Make A Buck to make him number one as the PA announcer chuckles on the pan shot of the horses at the starting gate for number four which would be Milady's spot as the announcer buries her as not having a chance to win as she is the belle of Kenducky. Mrs. Beakly and Merriweather are in the stands making fools out of themselves with their cheers. Everyone else laughs this off of the race track. So that's why Scrooge didn't want her to race in the first place. See; make the joke and then pay it off. The nephews cheer for Milady as a spectator (Hal Smith) tells Webby to get a car. She's not old enough to drive a car you bastard! Although she apparently is old enough to ride a horse. Webby tells Milady to ignore them because they are jealous which I think proves that it IS viral marketers and not Jonas Brothers fans who are calling the ADM users jealous. After all; the fans would be playing their music rather than listening to Youtube.
Milady blows off the crowd with a raspberry as Scrooge is SHOCKED and then he steals Flint's binoculars (ironic considering how he's the richest duck in the world) and notices Webby is the jockey...and now he's APPALLED as he runs to towards the track. The nephews then panic because Bull has arrived and apparently quickly recovered from his injuries. How about that?! The nephews have to bail so they don't see them. Why? Bull is AFTER Milady; not the nephews. Why hide from him? It's not like Beakly and Merriweather aren't blowing the cover anyway. Logic break #7 for the episode. This is turning into a Darkwing Duck episode minus the animation errors and full of himself promos. Dewey invokes plan #279 of the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...of the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book Plan # 279. So they take out their fake mustache/nose glasses and wear them. Ummm; kids that is going to fail hard because the matching color clothes give you away. And why bother since Bull is after Milady; not you three.
So we cut to the far shot of the starting gate as Scrooge and Flint are leaning against the fence. Flint doesn't approve of Scrooge's smile I see and it's simple. If Scrooge wins; he wins the bragging rights and the money. If Milady wins; he wins the bragging rights on proxy from his grand daughter (sort of) and he does the GOOD DEED OF THE WEEK. In other words; his odds to screw Flintheart go from 8:1 to 4:1. We head to the starting track and the bell rings; the doors open and WE ARE OFF.....Cash Register and Make A Buck take the #1 and #2 positions. The other horses are Tagalong (playing on the CONTINUITY from Huey calling Webby a tag along I see.), Thunderhooves, Hayride Hoopla, Rubber Band and Outcast is in last place. Or would be if Milady wasn't being a dick with the flies at the starting gate. Umm; Mrs. Beakly; you are supposed to play the stupid bugle right now.
The crowd laughs at her expense as Milady doesn't approve. Well ; race for your life you horsey bitch! Mrs. Beakly gets her cue though and takes out the bugle and plays it loud and clear and finally Milady is off running like the wind, a westerly wind this time around. The spectator who told Webby to get a car is actually beside Mrs. Beakly (a dogsperson wearing green, cream shirts with brown pants, a green hat and blue shoes) blows her off because they cannot hear themselves scream. Well good; you deserve a blow off for telling Webby that she is old enough to drive a car. Mrs. Beakly blows him off because it's a free country and she'll blow a bugle where ever she pleases as the spectator steals her bugle. Oh; you are asking for a fussy beat down there pal. Beakly gets the bugle back and the spectator and Beakly play tug-a-war with it as we cut to Webby and Milady struggling to make it through the course. Webby tries to get Milady to try harder and Milady sells; but it's no good. She's useless without the bugle like Pablo's dogs are useless without a dinner bell.
Make-A-Buck overtakes the lead as we cut to Flint yelling at Make-A-Buck to run as he is now a great big money bag. Scrooge pleads for Webby to get off the track; but no dice there. Now the nephews somehow have moved towards the steps and see that Milady is struggling and need to do something. So the nephews decide to blow their off and call out Bull. Bull sees them and the nephews bail north. Nice spot as Huey and Louie have a meeting of the minds...and it isn't at the water cooler. So we head to the announcers position as the announcer (same guy from the parade only with a top hat on this time); as we come to the turn and Cash Register and Make A Buck are neck and neck now. Rubber Band is now in third place by the way. Outcast is still in last place. Or would be if Milady didn't enter at all as we pan to the door and it opens as the nephews run in and yell at Bull that Milady is in there as the nephews jump onto the desk much to the SHOCK of the announcer. Bull runs in and yells right into the announcers mike and yells at Milady that he has her now and she won't get away. Now I get the psychology here: Bull is here and thus Milady will also run like the wind because she's afraid of Bull see. Now that makes more sense than the ultra contrived bugle trick from earlier. Milady runs like she has never run before as we cut to Beakly and the spectator doing their tug-a-war while the announcer continues to announce in spite of three kid babyfaces and one cruel heel animal trainer all over him.
Cash Register and Make-A-Buck are still tied, Rubber Band is third.....but here comes Milady racing. So Beakly shoves the spectator away and cheers for her to haul hooves. I think even she saw the angle was contrived too. Milady manages to overtake Rubber Band in third (although the timing of the announcer is awful since it looks like she is in fourth still) as Milady runs like Sonic the Hedgehog on crack. I wondered how the Sonic television series got their ideas from. Bull realizes that it's his horse and that means he wins the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. The nephews then realize that they are screwed since Merriweather will still lose her anyway. I wondered when they would realize that as Milady runs past Cash Register and Make-A-Buck for the lead as Mrs. Beakly and Merriweather are cheering this. Even though for Milady; she gets screwed either way. Scrooge and Flint cheer for their horses and Scrooge now has to win for Webby's sake. I'm calling the finish right now. The announcer declares that it will be a photo finish as they get to the finish line and I'm calling it as Milady stopping about six inches from the finish line and Cash Register wins the race by a nose. All because Milady wants a picture of herself. And damn; I'm good as the flash is done and Webby just sits there wondering where it went oh so wrong. HEE HEE!
So we go to the judge announcer who has the photo in his hand and looks at it; and it ends in a draw for Cash Register and Make-A-Buck. Oh; that is such a cop out finish guys! Flint is pissed as he stomps like a little baby because he is denied his bragging rights. Like that prize money would make him the richest duck in the world anyway. Scrooge takes it well and blows off Flintheart because he should be use to it by now. HAHA! Scrooge laughs at his expense as we see Milady on the race track getting photo ops from the PRESS OF FRAUD as Merriweather and Webby watch on proudly as Bull storms in and calls this the worst harebrained, lump-headed hammy stunt in history. Milady blows him off with a good raspberry as Bull decides that Milady is useless and blows her off before storming off stage left. Wow; losing the race actually saved her which is good to know when to deal with animal trainers. Merriweather is happy to get his horse back; but cannot afford to feed her. However; Scrooge sees MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH in her and does the Kevin Nash frame the elbow promo on Milady which leads to the scene changer as the McDuck family watches with the crowd as Merriweather is wearing decent clothes on a step ladder as he offers the fans a chance to have their picture taken with Milady.
And this time there is a bunch of people who want to ride on her after the performance she gave. This of course plays into the whole moral of this story: It's not if you win; it's how you perform that counts. That is how professional wrestling got so popular in the 1980's. No one cared if Hogan won; they cared about his promo cutting and being good enough in the ring. See HHH. See Ric Flair. See Shawn Michaels. See Steve Austin. We see a couple of puppy furries (one with a goofy pink hat I might add; which is still better than the one with the banana yellow hat) on Milady's back and we get the camera flash with Milady showing her smile. Star fade to black as Milady neighs and that ends the episode at 21:17. Good climax; but I could have lived without the cop out finish to tie since it wouldn't have killed Flint's heat any to take that finish. And the whole bugle angle was useless and contrived. And there were seven logic breaks which is terrible at this point. Still; I liked the horse racing though and they played Scrooge and Flint's hate for each other quite well in spite of the flaws. ** ¾ (55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
This was a pretty okay episode for the most part; but there were too many logic breaks and the whole bugle angle part was contrived because all they had to do was bring Bull in there and Milady would have had a chance to win. I did like the twist finish in the end with Milady losing because of her liking photos; but they screwed it up to keep Flintheart strong; which was useless because Flint had no chance of becoming the second richest duck in the world (unless the prize money was in the billions of dollars. Highly unlikely) either way, so he wouldn't have lost any heat on himself than when he started. The weasels were pretty weak until they started horse-napping. The Scrooge/Flint battle was decent as was Milady interaction with Webby along with Bull's involvement as a cruel animal trainer. In a weird way; I like this guy over Seymour from TaleSpin; if only because he bumped a lot more than Seymour ever did. The animation was rock solid in spite of the bad logic and I enjoyed Milady being a dick; although it got a little overbearing by the finish. Overall; this episode would have been a **** episode had it not been for the contrived bugle angle and the breaks in logic (Horse on wooden beam anyone) Otherwise; it's......
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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