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Catch As Cash Can Part Three
What a perfect Doofus?!
So we continue on with Scrooge's attempt to get his money back. How does he do it? And can Scrooge rise above the Sea Vs. Land plotline? This is also the rant debut for one of the nephews most odd friends; that being Doofus Drake. No relation in any way to Ludwig Von Drake nor Drake Mallard. Let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode was written by Jymn Magon, the late Bruce Talkington and Mark Zaslove. The story is edited by Jymn Magon. The script is consulted by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron and the teleplay is done by Michael Keyes. Michael Keyes isn't much of a writer; doing a Smurfs episode, Beetlejuice, Timon & Pumbaa, Wonderful Days, and this series. Oh; and he was himself in Wild West Tech. So color me unimpressed.
Opening Moment #1: The title card for this episode is “Aqua Ducks” which makes total sense in the context of the episode.
We begin this one with a shot of a red crimson apartment building. Why? I don't know; maybe they got tired of the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM. We then see an orange helicopter fly towards the small little yellow house with lots of junk as we get a sky shot and Scrooge proclaims that Gyro got the salvage vehicle ready in time. Might as well get giddy before Launchpad and Gyro start messing with Scrooge's head which we ALL know is going to happen. Launchpad calls the banana yellow globe (Sigh Gyro...) an ornament from Paul Bunyan's Christmas tree. Thank goodness Disney is a private company or else that ornament would be on a holiday tree or a solace tree if you catch my drift here. Scrooge gleefully blows him off for it (but sadly; not Gyro's fetish for Gedo's fashion sense.) Launchpad calls Roger on Mr. McD and I call a crash coming in thirty seconds flat. Damn; I'm good as the helicopter drops dead like a fly as the oil pressure is dropping and Scrooge's blood pressure is rising. Considering that he probably already has high blood pressure to begin with; color me unimpressed.
So they tangle with the power wires and somehow no one gets SHOCKED. I'm tempted to call that logic break #1 for the episode; but I think fuzzy cartoon logic on that spot is constant. Funny how TaleSpin used REAL LIFE logic instead. So we head into Gyro's workshop of doom as Gyro is showing a fat, out of shape, glass wearing, blue shirt wearing Doofus on his invention of balloon gizmos. And Gyro calls him doofus. Oh boy! That just writes itself doesn't it?! I know that some people think I'm being mean to a fat kid; but he IS fat and his name is Doofus Drake. Mere mortals like me couldn't do what Jymn Magon did to get characters over on a regular basis. I like Doofus Drake (no relation to Drake Mallard; and maybe Ludwig Von Drake. However I'm staying away from family relationships. I like my brain thank you very much.) as he was a perfect foil for the nephews and he lives up to his name.
Doofus is voiced by Brian Cummings and personally I like the voice he gives; although here it seems that Brian is still breaking into the shoes so to speak. Anyhow; Gyro is grabbing the yellow balloon as he explains that they will be used by Mr. McDuck to get his fortune off the bottom of the ocean. See he puts the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH into the duffle bag; blow the balloon up and the helium takes it up to the surface. I have one problem with this: Bluebottle states that normal subs couldn't dive that deep because they would be crushed by eggshells. Unless Gyro's stuff is “Deepest Trench Proof” this is not going to work. Doofus calls this inflation. HAHA! If he's talking Gyro's ego than I concur. Then we see logic break #1 for the episode as the green door opens (when there either wasn't one to begin with or it was already open from the other side) and Launchpad comes in doing a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!) along with Scrooge as they stop on the green table. That is so symbolic of Scrooge's character isn't it?
Launchpad and Scrooge's eyes spin around as Launchpad states that any landing you can spin away from is a good one. HAHA! Good one LP; make TaleSpin look better than it already is. Gyro states that these two look like they rode on a tornado as Scrooge gets off and feels terrible as he needs something to drink. UH OH! Scrooge's off the wagon again if he's asking for a drink. Gyro goes to his test tube and reveals the ultimate green liquid called Super Fizz. I wonder if the Cola Cult from Rescue Rangers worships Gyro as their lord and savior? See it has calcium carbonate which Gyro claims that it's good for your teeth. Okay; that makes sense in the simplest terms as he puts the green liquid in the beaker as he puts in the smallest Mento's tablet I have ever seen as the thing fizzes, DUH! Oh; and it's great for upset stomachs. Too bad Scrooge's upset stomach can only be cured by strangling Launchpad. He then pours it into the glass and his look is like a senior citizen only about 30 years younger. He seriously needs to get outside; even more so after Agent X was built. Oh come on! You know only Gyro could build something that withstands 1000 impacts; but isn't rust proof.
He gives the beaker to Launchpad and the glass to Scrooge and neither one seems terribly excited about it. They drink it and they all gag and spit on cue. HAHA! Gyro needs to invest in lime flavoring and then he can really take over the soda industry. Otherwise; it's just carbonated water with peppermint Mentos which isn't exactly taste worthy in soda. It's like Club Soda Water only goofier. Launchpad proclaims that it tastes like an old tire and Gyro responds by saying that vulcanized rubber is one of the main ingredients. You know what is even funnier: fake rubber is the main ingredient in bubble gum. So it's not the rubber's fault; it's GYRO forgetting to add flavoring to MASK the rubber. This is evidence #1 that he created Agent X. Doofus takes the beaker and drinks it as Scrooge calls it not fit for human consuming. One of those annoying things I don't like about DTVA: using the word human in a setting that has none. It doesn't work; I prefer not fit for dancing animal consuming. Yes; it sounds politically correct, but it makes perfect sense as Doofus shows that Scrooge is such a fuddy duddy because he likes the drink. HAHA! Scrooge calls that resting it's case because he refuses to drink something only a doofus would love. Scrooge is more interested in the expedition anyway.
So that logically leads to Scrooge's yacht on the high seas as Scrooge blows off Doofus for standing on his head. HAHA! That is just too funny as we see Launchpad and Gyro on opposite seats while Scrooge is the filling of a screw up sandwich. AHHAHAHAHA! Doofus apologizes (HA!) and grabs the red duffle bag away from Scrooge's head. Scrooge wants to know what is in the stupid bag as it weighs a ton. According to my fuzzy cartoon logic book; a ton would flatten Wile E. Coyote so I think Scrooge is fibbing here. I also see Doofus is a Junior Woodchuck and he always comes prepared. On that subject; WHERE THE HELL ARE THE NEPHEWS?! You would think they would be an important element in helping Scrooge here. I thought this small group crap was a TaleSpin thing only? And of course Doofus only brings peanut and sardines to make a sandwich. HAHA! Scrooge blows him off as three growing boys. Then why not bring the nephews and throw Doofus out? It's not like you KNOW Doofus THAT well Scroogie. Scrooge asks Launchpad if he's ready to go and Launchpad gets in mid season form by almost MURDERING the back of his head on the pipes. HAHA!
Scrooge gets pissed on THAT one because the Gold Digger goes underwater. Oh man; that stuff just writes itself. Okay; Scrooge is a greedy bastard; we get it Jymn. Launchpad is an imbecile which is really generous since Jericho called Kurt Angle an idiot, an imbecile and an ignoramus. Launchpad gets the point on that one as he giggles on earning his water wings as Scrooge finally does the annoying Gruffi pose almost four minutes and about 11 episodes. Then Scrooge goes up from his chair and proclaims that Flintheart Glomgold screwed his money onto the bottom of the ocean and he only has three days to find it and get it to Macaroon for the weigh in. He wants no goof ups between now and then. I put 2:1 odds that it'll take about 10 seconds before the first goof up occurs considering that Gyro is having his problems with the air tank. And naturally the balloon blows up and everyone is stuck like freaking bugs on my windshield (God bless Kenny Blankenship MXC.). LP tries to help but he pulls on the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the Gold Digger spins around like a Merry Go Round. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Scrooge complains about his face and spine on THAT one.
Sadly; that gives LP the impression that he should release the line and he violates DUB ANIME CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt not rhyme. Because it's COOL!) and he pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!). That allows the Gold Digger to swing up into the air (killing about three clouds in the process thus making Kit proud) before finally dropping into the water and sinking. Scrooge wants some air as Doofus (the only one who hasn't screwed up...yet) struggles and find the toothpick and Scrooge screams to not pop the damn balloon. I thought you wanted to relax your spine. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY MR. MCD! And he pops the balloon and it makes one hell of an explosion as everyone is out while Scrooge has ringing in his ear which prompts everyone to do the old lady hearing spot which I never liked. Scrooge quickly gets his hearing back as Launchpad proclaims that he got it to fly and Scrooge blows him off of course. Ah; I see the Gold Digger has Launchpad's leather web boot look on the bottom too. So we go to the scene changer of death as Doofus is blowing up Gedo balloons with the mini air pump just to annoy me. Not the spot itself; but Doofus' love for Gedo's fashion sense when it comes to balloons. He then rubs the balloon casually as that annoys Scrooge to no end. HAHA! Hey; he hasn't really goofed up yet so take his awesomeness like a man and LIKE IT!
Doofus answers that one and I laugh some more. Doofus Drake is carrying this episode on it's back right now. Scrooge then pops the balloon with his cane (BOO HISS!) and threatens to make him tread water the hard way. Wow; he found a way to turn HEEL on me. Scrooge wants to know where the trench is and then the squeaking sound is heard again and Scrooge blows Doofus off. Doofus of course is just sitting there eating because it's really the dolphin doing it. HAHA! I betcha Scrooge hates the Miami Dolphins now. Hey; Ducktales is basically more or less the real world with duck cities added according to Carl Barks' whims. And he can talk TOO. So Ignatz wasn't a unique creature from TaleSpin after all. So Doofus decides to annoy Scrooge even further by using the balloon again. HEE HEE! They have some fun until Scrooge takes the balloon away (BOO! HISS!). I know this is logic break #2 for the episode since Doofus magically had the balloon in his hands when his was popped originally; but I don't care. Scrooge calls it a pea brain talking to a fish brain. As opposed to an evil brain? AHHAHAHAHAHA! See this is where the BS&P guys get the idea that Scrooge is a greedy corrupt businessman even though he really is not. Scrooge takes the air out of the balloon and the dolphin gives the best raspberry in history surpassing even Molly's version against MacKnee and her mother.
Then he storms off as Launchpad is playing with the controls like a video game. No wonder Scrooge dislikes him so much as the Marinara Trench is at 12:00 low. We dive down as we see the trench which looks like it narrowed about five feet in both directions from the previous episode. Doofus is in awe as Gyro proclaims that the tough stuff is now coming. Scrooge doesn't care as he tells LP to dive, dive, AROOGA! AROOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGAAAAAA! It just sounds better that way as LP proclaims that he doesn't have to tell him twice. Somehow; it's funnier when Scrooge HAS to tell him twice. And the Gold Digger jumps into the trench and we dive, dive, AROOGA! AROOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGAAAA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Yeah; it's not the same without Dive Man from Mega Man IV involved. So we continue the freefall with fishes swimming in the foreground to show TMS is awesome and then the headlights switch on. One stupid question: If Flintheart wins the thing; does the Gold Digger run to him?! AHHAHAHAHA! Yeah; I had to get the cheap shot in at some point. More fishes swim as LP has it clocked at 5000 fathoms as we see the angler fish swim in and impress Doofus.
Scrooge calls this great as we continue diving deeper than anyone has doven before. Doven is not a word Scroogie; Openoffice doesn't see it as such. He actually praises Gyro because he built a doozy this time as Gyro is shaking like a stiff leaf because see; he hopes it stays in one piece because he never did get all the bugs out. Evidence #2 that Gyro built Agent X for Quack Pack. Scrooge is mad as he backs up Gyro and then some sphere nails Launchpad in the back of the head and he blows Gyro off nicely on that one. And the nuts and bolts come loose and the Gold Diggers is taking more leaks than the entire ECW Arena taking a nacho break during a boring wrestling match. Well; boring to THEM anyway. Scrooge is pissed and proclaims that he'll KILL him if they drown. That I believe is the first direct reference to kill in DTVA history; at least for my rant anyway. Kind of like Kit being the first child character to say die in DTVA. Scrooge is all wet as Gyro does the finger in the hole spot while using his shoe as fill up. Even funnier is Gyro is a duck and yet he has human feet. Explain THAT one kids?! Doofus is actually doing the sensible thing by using nails to plug up the holes as LP proclaims that they are nearing bottom at five fathoms as they finally make it to the trench. I see Scrooge has completely forgotten about the leaking water as they are at the bottom as LP cuts a elevator store promo with LOTS OF MUD. In other words; there is no MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH to be seen. Okay; maybe not yet...
So we see the Gold Digger swim in an easterly direction as Scrooge asks if they are at the money and Launchpad checks his coordinates and proclaims that it should be over the ridge as Scrooge gets so giddy that BS&P of the future gets all they need to say: Scrooge would be a greedy, corrupt businessman today. BS&P: Idiots of demographic marketing. I predict that we see the bottom and there is no gold to be found. I check the DVD... Damn; I'm good as there is only a penny left as Doofus asks if he had a lot more money than that. HAHA! Sadly; Disney Captions misses the “than that” part as Scrooge moans and drops on his face sulking like a well behaved child actually. Gyro calls this impossible because no craft could dive this deep and you cannot move three acres of gold that fast. Unless the Gold Digger has already turned heel. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Scrooge cries like the worst baby I have ever seen as he's reduced to bag-lady. Like BS&P cares anyway. That's why I love Jymn Magon and his gang of job value entertainment. It always works in OUR favor. Gyro checks the sonar and apparently there is more up ahead as we cut to ground level and see a faceless nickel. Yeah; apparently in this world just making it round is enough for legal tender. Gyro sees more up ahead as they grab it and put it into the purse as I see logic break #3 for the episode because other than Scrooge's lucky dime, he has no pennies or nickels in his stock.
So we swim some more as we see the first gold coin in Scrooge's stock; but the Gold Digger cannot get it in time. Scrooge gets mad and wants LP to turn around; but LP cannot do it because they are caught in the current of the trench. Even the trench is turning heel on Scroogie. AHHAHAHAHA! Flintheart must be loving this even if he cannot see them right now. LP tries to get things under control; but it's Launchpad so a crash with a sea vessel has to come at some point; even if he's not really at fault here. They smash into the rock; and somehow despite the MAN-SIZED bumps it takes; the Gold Digger has no damage whatsoever. This is turning into a video game right now. More bouncing into rocks as the Gold Digger is now the trench's ball in a pinball machine. I cannot believe Launchpad hasn't crashed this vessel yet. He is losing his magic touch. We are upside down as Scrooge blows off Launchpad and LP tells him not to worry. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't be worried; suuuurrrreee LP. LP wants to put the engines in reverse as Scrooge grabs the chair and blows him off because they are in reverse. Not in LP's world they aren't Mr. McD. So he crashes it into the rocks and it flips right side up and everything is back to normal as Launchpad is now on bottom. I guess the burial process for LP in Darkwing Duck has begun and Tad has barely even started Rescue Rangers yet. Oh wait; it's Scrooge who is on bottom; my mistake as he calls them a bunch of morons. You think they are morons Scrooge? Wait until Patrick Star comes along and then you'll really have something to whine about.
Sadly; the Gold Digger gets lifted by the seaweed vines as the real plot line begins in earnest. Launchpad looks up somehow and sees big green men pulling it up. We cut and see a Sea Hag pressing his face against the window as Gyro calls them fish folks. We cut to an outside shot as the Sea Hags of Doom ride on their seahorses as the top Sea Hag is strengthening the sea line. Doofus isn't liking them as Sea Hag #1 (Frank Welker) calls them air breathers and orders them seizes which is kind of pointless because the air breathers they seek cannot go anywhere even if their air tanks grew 5,500 fathoms. But thanks for thinking your plan out completely though even if it's overkill. Scrooge wants LP to run for it which is silly because you don't run in water; you swim in it. On water and you're the next Jesus. And naturally the Gold Digger runs away with the weirdest sound effects I have ever heard plus Hanna Barbera looping effect. Oh; and the sea weed line gets snapped of course as the Gold Digger runs like the whirl water wind. In an easterly direction of course. The seahorse sea hags uses the LASSOS OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERWHERE and they disable the feet of the Gold Digger and catch it again for real as LP apologizes for being stuck like rats on flypaper. Okay; that was pretty lame. Shouldn't it be: “ducks in a barrel”?! That would make sense here. Sea Hag #1 uses a black stingray and grabs onto the tail as he orders it to take the thing to his master. Why are they wearing blue/black striped underwear? It's not like anyone outside of LP, the dogspeople and Gyro wears pants anyway. So why the hags? So they drag the Gold Digger away as we logically cut to....
Ground level shot of the Gold Digger being dragged by two seahorse Sea Hags and lead by two more. Umm; weren't there only three Seahorse Soldiers? Logic break #3 for the episode as they lead the babyfaces to the city of Atlantis as Gyro swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (holy mackerel! Which makes perfect sense here.) as he sees that they are an underwater civilization. Scrooge doesn't care because he wants eyes peeled for money as he does the Gruffi pose again. And reason and true characterization of Scrooge wept. Man; those pink lips are a little too close to them being racial stereotypes there guys. They make it to the entrance (with a purple star in the background I might add) as two Sea Hag guards with tridents guard the entrance. Umm; where did the two front Sea Hags without the lassos go? Logic break #4 for the episode. Scrooge waves his can around as he wants to see the top sardine. Sea Hag #1 blows him off as the master waits within these walls.
We open the doors slowly as the bubbles of doom make up the next scene changer as we are in the throne room of doom as Sea Hag #1 address Master Malek (Frank Welker again) as Scrooge and company are trespassers. Scrooge blows them off because he wants his money and that they are thieves. Oh boy; if this turns into a Sea Vs Land morality play; I'm going to vomit. We then cut to Master Malek (he wears a purple cape; a star locket and welds a clam like staff just to make him seem like a girl even though he's clearly male.) who accuses them of dumping onto their seabed. UH OH! I think I know where this is going as Scrooge blows him off because he wants it back. And remembering to swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (darn tootin) for good measure. He then finds them guilty of littering which is the most heinous crime of all. Oh great; we are going to get the PETA approved plotline that I dreaded coming. Launchpad, Gyro and Doofus better makes this worthwhile; or this is going to turn ugly fast. Scrooge is confused as Malek does his speech on the evil air breathers doing horrible things to them. Well Launchpad calls him the purple traitor which earns an elbow into the ribs by Scrooge.
Okay; that was pretty funny as we see a huge clam being placed on a poduim and then some electric eels go into it and it opens to create a television screen. Okay; this is getting way overbooked as we see stuff being dumped on them as the male and female Sea Hag bail as the cannon comes down on them. Malek (called Malick by Disney Captions by the way) does his commentary on how for generations they have dumped garbage into their kingdom. Hey; isn't that the stuff from Episode 2 of Treasure of the Golden Suns? I do recall an old cannon being dropped into a trench. Then we cut to a trash boat dumping more trash into the ocean. Oh boy; this IS turning into a Greenpeace approved episode now; which is only slightly better. At least Greenpeace doesn't have the foul taste of hypocrisy like PETA does. And it's the dogpeople's fault what a shock. Even worse; they dumped chemicals and poison as the Sea Hags run like scalded dogs; or in this case boiled fish. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Man; I got off easy. So the Sea Hags picked up the trash and used it to the best of their ability. Most of it was useless; so they throw it into a junkyard. Umm; isn't that a little hypocritical here Malek? I see most of it can be recycled nowadays. And of course; most of the wagon stuff they throw out is Scrooge's money as Scrooge wants at it. It's his trash; so I agree with him. Malek grants him his wish and he'll work at the city dumps for 400 years as the sentence. HAHA! Launchpad think that makes it as 100 years for each of them. Everyone else is stunned on cue. HAHA! That's the only logical response LP could give as the Sea Hags come in with tridents as Malek orders them to the city dump to end the segment 11 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we go to sea as the Sea Hags drag the babyfaces (in reusable diving gear) to the city dump as Scrooge blows them off because he's a mega-quad-zillionaire. Of course you are Scroogie; you're also an evil littering scumbag which is all THEY care about. Thankfully; Sea Hag #1 just blows him off as they are almost at the dump site. We pan over to the dump and it's the true city of Atlantis by the looks of it. There's even a huge ship upside down in the city to boot as the gang is SHOCKED to see this. Gyro notices that it is the lost city of Atlantis as it's an awesome treasure. Scrooge doesn't care of course because he wants the money. So we go to the scene changer and see Sea Hag #1 ordering them to sort out the trash like a recycling area. Tires go in one place; broken bottles go into another. I see where we kids got the idea to recycle. We pan over to the far right and Scrooge sees the scrap metal as his fortune. Scrooge tries to go to it; but the golden trident stops him dead in his tracks. Sea Hag #1 simply tells his to ignore it and get to work.
So we get another scene changer as we see Scrooge whining about being reduced to trash man. HAHA! I think CBC had an idea for something like this; but I forget the name of the show sadly. LP is sorting out can in his wheel barrow as he calls this job security. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Gyro is shoveling cans as Doofus defies the sentence by talking with the dolphin known as Squeaker (Frank Welker again) while eating sardines from Doofus' hand. See; he may be fat, but he's no nepotist unlike me. He then squeaks the balloon again and the dolphin carries the tire Doofus puts on his head towards the building opening. He returns to Doofus and then gets chased off by Sea Hag #1 as Doofus protests this outrage. Sea Hag #1 calls him an air breather which is stupid because the dolphin is clearly able to breathe water easily. He just doesn't like air breathers goofing off of course which is no shock to me. So we get another scene changer as LP, Doofus, Scrooge and Gyro continue their work from the sky shot. Doofus collapses as he cannot go on; so Sea Hag #1 arrives and shows some mercy as they are finished for the day.
He then tells them to follow him as we get another scene changer to a far shot of the upside down ocean liner. We then cut to inside as the babyfaces (or are they heels; I cannot tell anymore) get the kitchen suite and there is pockets of air inside the area as Gyro points out. Scrooge feels relieved that they get to keep the helmets and of course Sea Hag #1 pops up from the water and takes all the helmets because you don't want them to escape of course. Gyro and Scrooge exchange high and dry puns on each other as LP suggests the old jail break escape routine which is so funny because Scrooge asks him how he survive childhood. For Kit Cloudkicker that would be easy: He had none basically. Gyro proclaims that they are screwed without the Gold Digger (How low do you have to stoop to ask for the Gold Digger's help?) and Scrooge agrees with him because he's the only one smart enough to try. Scrooge asks for the three goofs to create a diversion and Doofus suggests lighting a fire which really causes Scrooge some pain as he would rather ask for the mermen for help instead. This is turning into a temple for Flight of the Snowduck; only it's being played for comedy.
So we go to the scene changer as the next day arrives and they are working in the junkyard again with Sea Hag #1 guarding them to make sure there is no funny business involved. Too bad he's going to suck defending the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDES funny business though. Launchpad goes over to the penny stacks and gives Scrooge the all clear signal as he is hiding behind the penny stack. Scrooge pops up and swims stage right towards the Gold Digger. Okay; how stupid are the Sea Hags if only ONE of them is guarding the junkyard. You would think they would have five guards guarding the place. That is logic break #5 for the episode. I see the Wuzzle Logic Break system is in effect today and it's making the heels (or is it babyfaces?) look weak now. Scrooge pops the top off the Gold Digger (OUCH!) and hops in proclaiming that he cannot leave without his fortune. Now that is a big brain cramp by Scrooge; but it's fitting at least as he brings out the air pump with Gedo balloons and then walks towards the sacks of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. I think the Sea Hags are going to find him within the next minute or so. Scrooge manages to get one of them into the air and of course the balloon gets shot by the golden trident. HAHA! Good; these Sea Hags have good taste and are babyfaces by proxy now. Scrooge tries to run as Sea Hag #1 arrives on his seahorse (man; their distraction is ultra weak) and puts the net on Scrooge. Sadly; Scrooge is not a fairy (in the magical sense by the way) so he invokes the banana yellow balloon (which turns him heel by proxy) and it floats up as he bails stage left with a bad hair promo.
He then swims into the Gold Digger and closes the hatch as he restarts the thing (kind of kills the whole point of having Launchpad in this episode doesn't it?) and then dives up remembering to bump Sea Hag #1 off of his seahorse. Nice cloud of sand dust by TMS there. The trio of goofs on ground cheer for his victory as Sea Hag #1 gets up and proclaims that he's not getting away that easily. That somehow sounds lame when the heels do it as he blows his seashell horn (Ahh; I see Neptuina was a former Sea Hag in training) as the Gold Digger floats up and Scrooge decides to get the lads later and invoke a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Umm; this is turning into a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN as the trio of goofs still continue to cheer. Sadly; the hope chest is gone as Gyro points out as the biggest Sea Monster in the land (I mean water) rises from the dead. See; this is the guy that SHOULD have been the one eating Scrooge's ice cream. Then the joke would make perfect sense and we wouldn't have to wait until Don Rosa did it right in TaleSpin. The trio of goof yell at Scrooge as Scrooge wonder what the excitement is about as he turns around and see the nasty, wart infested green sea monster of doom. If it just had that Hercules 1960's hissing sound; then it would be perfect.
Scrooge pushes on the joysticks (which have no red buttons; although Scrooge's hand is over them so no logic break there) like a video game as he tries to dodge the sea monster ; but the sea monster grabs the Gold Digger. Scrooge isn't done yet as he takes the JAWS OF EIGHTH LIFE and pinches the nose of Gutzilla (Frank Welker again). That is what Chris Barat calls it so that's the official name and I'm sticking to it! One more thing; what is the deal with violence to the nose? That's kind of like raking someone's back in DTVA; which is Scrooge fighting like a girl to get over I guess. Good selling from Gutzilla as the Gold Digger drops to the ground and gets stuck as the sea monster is PISSED (as if he wasn't pissed already) and stomps towards the stuck Gold Digger and kicks it like a soccer ball. Nice to see the Goofymania Soccer Movie has rubbed off on some people as the Gold Digger takes a decent bump off the ridge and then gets caught by Gutzilla and then it's some basketball dribbling to waste some more time. Sea Hag #1 loves it as he tells Globzilla (according to Disney Captions) to MURDER Scrooge and his Gold Digger now. The sea monster tears up the Gold Digger like an eggshell (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now how can he collect the money now you bastards?!) and grabs Scrooge from it as Scrooge is dizzy and wanting a conductor.
So we cut to Sea Hag #1 and #2 as they take Scrooge into the smoke stack of the upside down ocean liner as Scrooge protests again. Like that worked the FIRST TIME Scrooge. Sea Hag #1 blows him off and tells him he's lucky that Malek is only putting him in prison as Sea Hag #2 wants execution by Globzilla. I agree since Globzilla would have made a perfect ice cream eater too. AHHAHAHAHA! SMACK! OUCH! Now I'm seeing stars. They get up to the small area with air on top as Sea Hag #1 takes the helmet away from Scrooge and blows him off before swimming down. Scrooge gets onto the bench on top and blows them off in kind. Geez Scrooge; you are so anti-environmental that it's no longer funny. Scrooge then starts sulking because he screwed up the plan. That's why it's called a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN Scrooge. He then starts thinking about the trio of goofs coming up with a plan and tells himself to buck up....for about three seconds as he sulks about a retirement plan. HAHA! Well; Scrooge is at least less mean than Baloo was so he isn't all that bad. That ends the segment 16 and a half minutes in. Hey; this episode is better than Creep in the Deep already; mostly due to the trio of goofs and Globzilla.
After the commercial break; we see the trio of goofs in the kitchen without their helmets of course sitting on barrels as Gyro feels sorry for him and wishes he had gone with him. LP wishes he drove the sub and Doofus wants a drink as he is all over the magically appearing peanut butter jar. Logic break #6 for the episode as he asks for the Mr. Fizzy stuff Gyro created as LP blows him off because they need a brilliant MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Gyro then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as Doofus wanting a drink just give Gyro his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Well; it cannot be any worse than Scrooge's plan that's for sure. Gyro's plan is to make the biggest fizzy stuff in history so they can float out of here which Launchpad doesn't quite get and I don't either. The not so smart goofs dance around and wonder how they will float the entire city of Atlantis. Gyro's plan then springs into action as we go to the scene changer and see Gyro spooning all of Doofus' peanut butter into pots and pans as Doofus complains about taking it all.
Gyro explains that he needs a vegetable substitute and Doofus' peanut butter is the only thing they have. Ooookkkkaaaayyy. Gyro then realizes that the only ingredient missing is the vulcanized rubber as Launchpad blows off the fizz's tire taste. Don't worry about it LP; you're not going to drink it anyway. Doofus suggests using the old tires and grind them up. However; the dump is too far away without the helmets so Doofus counters with the yellow balloon and then lets the air out of it to call Squeaker and his school of dolphins. I just knew they would be involved in the finish somehow. All of the dolphins pop up from the water as Gyro calls him a genius. I betcha he got that from the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book. Doofus explains what he needs to Squeaker (and Disney Captions forget some extra dialog of course). Squeaker sells it as wheels and Squeaker no sells the deal. So Doofus adds cans of sardines to the deal and they sell it finally and swim off to find the wheels as they say. Doofus wipes his hands clean and asks for the next ingredient....
So we logically cut to several guards (wearing goofy seashells on their heads along with the golden tridents) sleeping outside the smoke stack of the upside down ocean liner as Squeaker and his dolphins go to the building with the tires stacked in a huge pile and then they return with the rubber tires around their necks which is a bit disturbing to me; but makes total sense in the context of the episode. So we cut to Scrooge's prison as he panics and bangs on the walls because the water is rising. So Malek is going to execute him after all; by drowning him. Maybe Scrooge shouldn't have insult the Sea Hag's children after all. Nudge! Nudge! Wink! Wink! So we cut back to the trio of goofs as Doofus feeds Squeaker and his dolphin friends as Gyro pours the mixture into the GEDO BALLOONS OF DOOM as Gyro explains the plan as they add the MENTOS OF DOOM onto the mixture and pour it onto the seabed. LP then asks the stupidest question of all: Where are you going to find someone dumb enough to do that stunt? Why is it stupid? Because the one who sezs that has to do it silly.
Scene changer ensues and we see Launchpad riding on top of Squeaker while Gyro puts a glass bowl on his head and then hooks up the pipe on his back. Okay; this makes sense; but it's a huge logic break #7 because they could have simply ESCAPED THAT WAY EARLIER! Gyro tells him to breathe normally; and Launchpad agrees to it if Gyro goes in his place. HAHA! So Gyro slaps the back of Squeaker and they begin to jump for joy. Doofus calls Launchpad a role model. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! If it wasn't for the trio of goofs this episode would easily be a thumbs down at this point. They blow their cover on the three Sea Shell Hag Guards (Three? I thought there were only two...That's logic break #8 for the episode) as Launchpad and the dolphins swim away stage left. The Sea Hags have had enough and call for reinforcements. Codeword: Globzilla of course. One gets onto the Stingray and escapes as Sea Hag #1 invokes the horn of course to contact Globzilla. And so we get the thrilling SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE UNDERWATER EDITION~! Launchpad asks for warp speed from Squeaker and he sells as they goes around the columns and through DA...HOLE (God bless Baby Plucky) in the rock wall as Sea Hag on Seahorse #1 follows through as we see a third person view of the action (like a video game much to the disdain of Mr. Hardcore); but then he crashes into the rock wall with a MAN-SIZED bump as he was about five feet short. LP thinks he's safe as Squeaker tells him to face front and we see the STINGRAY PATROL OF DOOM blocking the way along with Globzilla. LP wants some fancy moves and the dolphin opt for the simple one: bail stage right.
So that leads to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE STINGRAY EDITION~! They do a hyperbole and then force the Sea Hags on Stingrays to go upside down and then they ram right into Globzilla in a mass of bubbles. Well; it's water so the bump was going to be weak no matter what. It's the nature of the beast as they say. Nice bouncing spot from Globzilla on the ground as LP and the dolphins swim stage right and LP pets him because he's got more moves than a game of checkers. I think LP should lay off the soda pop for a while and try to beat Squeaker in checkers just for a laugh. Hey; LP's success rate is better than Drake's. Squeaker cheers for himself as they swim towards the coral reefs and Launchpad let's loose the balloons and they release the toxic substance (well to the Sea Hags anyway) as it drops to the ground and bubbles. We have less than two minutes to go; so this shall be quick. They commit to a line swim around the base of the city and then Launchpad jumps onto the second dolphin on his right. I'm sure the Agony Booth would mock Launchpad for announcing his move; but at least LP puts behind some wit into his promos; unlike most animation in the 1980's, so screw them.
More toxic droppings from LP as we cut to Scrooge yelling for help in his prison. I think he's showing off since there is about four feet of air still left in the scene. So we go to the far shot as the base of the lost city is bubbling up as we see Launchpad near the base proclaiming victory...and then here comes Globzilla. HAHA! About time the sea monster started being a bitch. Launchpad asks if he read any good books lately which makes Launchpad slightly more moronic than he should be. I would have gone with: Have you swam any good lengths lately? LP then shows the playground floating away as the base crumbles before them. Globzilla notices it and Sea Hag #2 tells him not to let it get away as we get logic break #9 for the episode as the sea shell helmets are gone and they have stars on their left breasts. Oh god; this episode is just getting absurd now. Globzilla grabs onto the ledge of the city and hangs on for dear life to stop it. Which allows Launchpad and Squeaker to swim beside him and then LP invokes the most devastating move in all of DTVA: You know what it is...You know (Snoopy camera waves at me.).....Needless to say Globzilla giggles badly (he is no Kit or Molly that's for sure) and then lets go and falls down towards the floor with a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen. LP cuts a bigger harder promo which I reply: But they don't fall so often.
The Sea Hags on Stingrays curse on McDuck's body and demand them to come back with their...and then they catch themselves because the trio of goofs are actually doing them A FAVOR. They thank him of course. It's not really a logic break; but I'm sure they will get mad when the next boatload of trash comes to their kingdom. Mark my words; it will happen and then they will curse the trio of goofs again for escaping. Scrooge of course is too busy drowning in the smoke stack to care as the City of Atlantis rises from the ocean slowly to the surface and I see Logic Break #10 because there's no F'N way the city could FIT through the deep trench. And wouldn't the city hit the rock ceiling.... Ah; screw it, this episode is seriously (insert swear word here). Great visual of course with the seagulls flying in the background.
So the water drains from the smoke stack and Scrooge is screwed because he free falls and slides down the smoke stack and lands with a wussy bump onto the ground. I'll take the bump over the logic break thank you. Gyro and Doofus meet with him and Scrooge is in SHOCK. Gyro thanks LP and the dolphins along and Doofus thanks Gyro for the fizzy drink. I would thank Doofus for getting the dolphins to help of course; but it's ignored. Scrooge gets his top hat and is mad now because there is no possible way they could do it by themselves. And then he recoils and admits that he was wrong. Oh boy; that was pretty forced if you ask me, but the episode is nearly over so it was unavoidable at this stage. Scrooge thanks them as LP and the dolphins pop up to the surface near them and Doofus offers the sardines to Squeaker and company as they squeal for fish which is awfully cute. LP takes off his helmet and wants some sardines too and that ends the episode at 21:18. And sadly; that is our first thumbs down episode of the series right there. Although you cannot fault the trio of goofs for it (nor Globzilla for that matter); as you can blame it on bad logic and the silly Greenpeace like episode. ** ¼ (45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; they lost their momentum for this story arc; but really the Greenpeace like style of the Sea Hags wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was merely silly in comparison to the real problem which was ten logic breaks and several of them were really glaring. It felt like an average Wuzzles episode instead of a Ducktales episode. Sad; because Doofus, Launchpad and Gyro did a really good job in this episode as they figured out a good plan when Scrooge couldn't. I like Doofus a lot and he had a pretty good performance for the most part; but there will be better episodes for him. I also liked Globzilla and even Sea Hag #1 who showed some good taste in this episode. I also like the dolphins (Hey; I am a Miami Dolphins fan so..) as Gyro and company managed to figure in the balloons, fizzy drink mixture and the dolphins into the finish quite well. However; I found Master Malek really lacking as he just stood there like a judge. It reminds me too much of Heavy Dental's SMOOSH leader. As much as I sometimes cannot stand Gomer from Citizen Khan; at least he was willing to get his hands dirty. Sea Hag #1 and even #2 took more screen time than Malek ever did. I also see Malek is a play on Bruce Malek (a story editor for Rescue Rangers). Overall; this episode actually was better than Creep In the Deep and could have been a *** ½ episode; but it fell due to bad logic. You cannot really blame the performers for this one; I just think Magon and company as writers had an off day. I would suggest watching this episode for story arc sake; but expect to mock the logic breaks in the process. So; onto the story finale which is Scrooge VS. Flintheart for the title of richest duck in the world in Macaroon. So.....
Thumbs down (barely) for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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