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Raiders of the Lost Harp
Reviewed: 09/20/2009
Oh! You are annoying, annoying, annoying!
So we continue on to Ducktales with an episode that I have been dreading for quite some time. It's not because the episode sucks; but because of one character. If you think Bubba The Cave Duck is bad, then you have never seen this harp. On the other hand; we get for the first time ever for rant purposes; the debut of Magica DeSpell. Yeah!! So let's bring on the pain shall we....?!
This episode was written by Cherie Dee Wilkerson. The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron. Cherie Dee Wilkerson has worked on My Little Pony, Transformers, Superman (1988), Jem, Sylvanian Families and Batman: The Animated Series. That's all that I could find. Ducktales is clearly the only the DTVA credit to date so far.
We begin this one on an island (!!!) as we hear chanting from a man on the zoom in which sounds a little bit Japanese which makes no sense since they are supposed to be in Greece. We cut and zoom in to the temple as various dogspeople (ducks and pigs of course) wearing really old and goofy gear are digging at the temple while reminding us that they are doing it. I cannot tell the voice actors doing this chant and Chris Barat is no help to me either. We pan over to see Scrooge and the nephews watching on doing pretty much nothing as we cut to a pig furry with a pickax managing to break a door made of solid stone open. It reveals the griffon statue and everyone goes all Scooby Doo on us and run away from the temple in a cloud of dust. Dewey wonder what scared them. I guess that is Drake Mallard's mother. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed me again Drake. You are not worthy. Scrooge proclaims that they won't know unless they go inside so they can be scared. Scrooge and the nephews go up the stone stairs and Scrooge sees the griffon statue and is happy because great danger lies ahead. How would BS&P get the wrong impression of Scrooge; I don't know. Unless they have been watching too much Mr. Krabs. Scrooge puts the shovel in the side of the door and states that the warnings are nonsense.
Considering what happened in Time Merit Adventures; I guess this is the episode where Scrooge changed his mind. He needs help with the prying; so the nephews join him as Scrooge proclaims that they are looking for the lost city of Troy. How can it be lost when it is found sort of? I never got that for some reason. The door opens ajar as the ducks fall down like a floating feather. What a weak ass bump that was from TMS?! They slowly walk in as Scrooge makes it to a torch with a Greek Duck Statue holding it and it lights OUT OF NOWHERE. I don't get it either. Scrooge takes the lit torch and goes down some more stairs and man; there is a lot of brown in this scene. See what happens when you play demographics guys?! You get debunked as we see here. They walk some more as they make it to the cliff and Scrooge stops at the edge; but Huey keeps going and they bump from behind and nearly free fall. Dewey and Louie grab onto Huey and Scrooge to stop that possible danger as Scrooge proclaims that the lost city of Troy has been found.
We get a shot of the city which looks like a golden stone lost city as the nephews aren't too keen about this discovery. They go down even more stone stairs as Scrooge explains that there is a Trojan vault. Is he talking about the Trojan's of history; the secrets of USC college football; or the vault where they keep all of those condoms to sell? We would like to know that answer Unca Scrooge. They enter the vault and Scrooge is giddy (what's a vault without security? Answer: Just another room.) as he sees Achilles' golden chariot which was used when Achilles' ruptured his tendon and was out for a year; Hector's golden spear which is what Edge stole 2,000 years later to use in his matches, plus. And there is the Trojan Horse right there just to symbolize the danger that will soon befall our heroes and ranter alike. Huey points to a pillar featuring a statue of Helen of Troy who has a sparkle in her eyes which is further evidence that Sun Woo is doing special effects work. So Scrooge gets on Achilles' golden wheelchair...ERR...I mean golden chariot as the nephews dress up a golden armor and swords. You know BS&P is screwed up when Chip and Dale had to use golden needles in Mind Your Cheese's and Q's. Onward; since we have glory, honor, fortune and Magica still to come. Okay; I made up the last part up; but you know it's true.
We get Louie playing with a sword, shield and helmet made of gold I guess as I cannot help but wonder how Kit didn't get to play with a real sword. The nephews follow as we get the repeat spot of the nephews playing swords and sandals of the pirate spot from Time Merit Adventures. Only Doofus isn't involved which makes it lame. Even more so without the Tarzan spot misfire. They stop as the Minotaur statue which is so huge that the nephews quit like the cowards that they are. So much for being tough guys there boys. Scrooge points out the obvious as I suspect that we will never see him again in this episode or ever. Of course that would be assuming that I was watching Quack Pack and not Ducktales. Scrooge sees something special which causes the nephews to worry as Scrooge climbs the Minotaur statue. Scrooge blows them off because mindless superstition has no place in exploration or in treasure hunting. It should have no place in baseball either; but that is asking way too much at this point. Scrooge gets to the stone box and pushes it to the left to bit. Then we get some shining light as Scrooge pulls out the bane of my existence in Ducktales. It's the BITCHY, BITCHY, BITCHY HARP OF DEATH! Now to be perfectly honest; the harp looks really impressive and it's got a really good voice in Russi Taylor. Sadly; it's also the most annoying little bitch I have ever heard in the Ducktales universe. Almost as bad as Queenie the Queen Bitch Bee. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POKE! OUCH! Ummm..At least she has a good singing voice; but watch out, she will grind my gears like mad.
Scrooge laughs it up (and almost cries to boot judging from the tear that he wipes) as we see the Trojan Horse being wheeled out by Scrooge's men (So they didn't leave? Must be Greek locals.) BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset). We then cut to a horse and wagon filled with the rest of the golden treasure as Scrooge and the crew exchange notes on their finds. They are not too happy with losing the Minotaur statue. Don't worry about it Dewey; it'll be okay. Well; for the Minotaur anyway. They talk about fitting anything in their closet as we cut back to inside Troy's vault as the Minotaur statue glows red eyes while the nephews laugh it up. IT'S ALIVE!! And it wants it's harp back. Somehow; I'm rooting it to get it back actually. It crushes the stone box and growls. So we cut back to sea on the far shot of Greece as apparently HAPPY HOUR is still in progress. The boat with the Trojan Horse sails away as we see the minotaur break free from the mountain side in a really neat visual and roars some more. So we cut back to the Trojan Horse ship AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as it sails along and we go inside Scrooge's private cabin as Scrooge and the nephews are inside in their reasonable PJ's. At least it's not like Quack Pack where we saw some of the creepiest underwear known to mankind and not known to Donald Duck. Scrooge plays the harp and that annoys the nephews. Oh swell; this harp is sucking, sucking, sucking...and I fear that it's going to get worse as this episode marches on.
Scrooge asks about his harp playing and the nephews tell him to stick to the stock market. Louie gets ribbed as Dewey tells him if he keeps practicing he might be great. With that harp?! Are you kidding me Dewey? And of course the harp finally speaks and god; it's awful. I CANNOT STAND THAT BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY HARP! She thinks that Dewey is lying. Compared to you Miss Harp?! That is the most annoying form of psychological projection ever in DTVA. At least Monty and LP's versions of it are really funny to mock. Huey thinks Scrooge is better already as Louie notices the harp singing for real. Scrooge puts the harp down (Sadly; it's not what you think you sick freaks!) as he did some research on Helen of Troy and according to the papers; magic made the harp sing as Dewey blows him off because he doesn't believe in magic and Scrooge states that he never said that. I'm SHOCKED the harp didn't sell that one as Scrooge explains that there are too many things magic can only be explained. I think PZ Meyers might have something to say about that. So we cut down to underwater level as the fish keep swimming and the Minotaur keeps walking as slowly as humanly possible. Which is pretty fast I might add.
So we go to morning as we get a shot as a volcano that has a duck face that looks like Magica De Spell. Oh wait...That is Magica's hideout. Oh goody; she FINALLY showed up in this series! I was very worried her broken Russian accent and pentagrams had buried her by Eisner and the 700 Club by now. We hear the wind howl as we cut down to ground level to see a black raven wearing a hat trying to keep warm. This would be Poe; which is Magica's not so favorite servant. He is voiced by Frank Welker of course. We then cut to a gargoyle statue beside a road as a mailer in an old car arrives at the statue and slowly places letters into it before driving away scared. He is an old dogsperson with old gray hair; nothing of note to see. Poe laughs him off and then flies to get the mail.
He grabs and tries to leave; but the Gargoyle Statue of Doom (which looks like a cartoon version of Bronx from Gargoyles) bites Poe right on the ass. Poe gets away despite losing a few black feathers which is fine because it doesn't send Michael Eisner out of the Phantom Zone. So we return to inside Magica's Room and finally the lady mage finally shows up for the first time in DTVA as she is giddy about getting mail; even bills to boot. Magica Despell wears a black dress (with red trim on the sleeves) and black high heels and is a duck with black hair and looks really beautiful which contradicts the usual Disney female heel of being really ugly. I really like her; but she became a sort of BS&P nightmare with the Russian accent and of course she is a heel Wicca. Why is that important? Because DTVA did something no other children's cartoon has done. If there is one thing that can spook the 700 Club other than Kit Cloudkicker; Magica comes pretty close.
She is voiced by June Foray; who is probably the most notable female animated voice in animation. She started in the 1940's doing shorts for Warner Brothers and Tex Avery among others. She was Winnie Woodpecker (of Woody Woodpecker fame), Granny from Looney Tunes, Witch Hazel, Lucifer in Cinderella for Disney Feature in 1950 (Yeap; she was in Disney when Disney was still Walt and ultra cool.). She also appeared in I Love Lucy, Rocky & His Friends as Rocket J. Squirrel and Natasha Fatale (whom most animation geeks know all too well), The Flintstones, Tom & Jerry and many others. She still is doing voices to this day; mostly type cast roles. Her DTVA debut was Gummi Bears as Grammi Gummi, and she did one other major Ducktales role which you have already seen in Time Teasers: Ma Beagle. She still does Magica Despell even to this day as in the video game Disney's THINK Fast. She has been in the Simpsons as well as doing several voices for talking dolls. June has been rumored to be an uncredited voice in TaleSpin; but that has yet to be confirmed; although she was in Bonkers. She has done a few video games too. Her last non-typecast voice was in Random! Cartoons. So; yeah, she is a big voice in the animation industry.
Magica proclaims that they wouldn't send bills as they don't dare her as she laughs pretty well. She also sees the latest issue of Tomb Magazine. That's not being a Wicca; that's being a female emo. There is a crescent moon in the background as Magica is PISSED because Scrooge found Troy. She crumbles up the paper and when she talks about the magic harp; she speaks in broken English. Now how is this not offensive when she does it; but when Gumps does it; it is? It's the same stereotypical European accent for goodness sakes. I know a lot of people hate Russia; but come on! Use some common sense for a change instead of going for the obvious cheap shot. She goes to her safe and does some magic on the lock combination to open it (36 left-28 right- 17 left and open)...and it doesn't open. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Magica is ticked off and the urge to smash the vault with a pentagram is rising. So she takes the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and breaks the safe open. HAHA! See; she's showing Triple H how it's done.
BS&P Nightmare Moment #1: When she is breaking the safe open with the sledgehammer; look at the floor in the background to the center left. Notice the black star, red circle and blue circle there. Yes folks; that is a pentagram. I know the symbol is a Wicca one and it is not Satanic as the 700 Club would like to believe; but considering that Magica is a heel, that isn't very flattening to Wiccans. The pentagram is usually painted out of anime and usually never used in children's cartoons for the two reasons I just mentioned (Note From The Future: The only other show that had a pentagram was Count Duckula believe it or not and it happens in the opening of every episode of that show). And this isn't the only time the animators and writers used the pentagram in this series. I have seen it a few times doing prep work for Magica's Shadow War and Send In The Clones.
So her Wicca roots is not a one off thing either. I don't know if she's a Carl Barks character and I wouldn't be shocked if in Carl Barks world; she has pentagrams out of the wazoo if she was. I'm surprised Chris Barat didn't notice it knowing his knowledge of Ducktales in general. On a personal note; I don't mind seeing the pentagram because I know it's only a symbol to indicate a religion; just like a cross is used for Christians; or the Star of David is used in Judism. It shows a bit of realism and besides; as long as it is on private property; it's okay. Magica grabs the scroll from her stone safe (I guess considering how it crumbles) and we see some information on the magic harp in Greek symbols (delta, pi, omega. I don't know what it means and I don't think the writers do either) along with a picture of the harp. She reads on the harp which renders people powerless while speaking in broken English. She wants the harp to make her great like Helen of Troy. Okay; that makes sense to me.
So we return to Scrooge's mansion as we zoom in to Scrooge's bedroom as Scrooge is wearing a white shirt now and is playing his harp again. Duckworth enters and cuts the Lurch promo to start. Scrooge puts the harp on the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) as Duckworth places the coat on Scrooge's back. Duckworth asks if he had given any thought to him getting a raise. Scrooge stammers and then states that he has...and if you cannot guess what the harp does next; then you have no business reading this rant. Well; at least the harp is constant. Constantly a bitch to all decent people everywhere. Duckworth gets Scrooge's top hat as he asks about the raise anyway and Scrooge proclaims that he cannot afford it. I betcha the harp accuses him of lying. I check the DVD....Damn; I wish I wasn't so good. Duckworth then points out the obvious and puts the top hat on Scrooge's head as Scrooge agrees with him on that. Scrooge has an awesome theory to test it out and he runs out as Duckworth follows after. He wants to talk about his raise see. So we head to the nephews' bedroom as they are stuffing more stuff in the closet than Hoppo in her midsection. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...
Harp: HA! HA! HA! You are
awesome, awesome, awesome!
Gregory: OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID
HARP!
Anyhow; they continue to push the door in as Dewey blows the others off for keeping the air mattress inflated. Huey gleefully blows him off for that one as they push harder and manage to shut the closet door up. Scrooge runs in and asks if they had cleaned their room. I'd say that they did actually as Huey proclaims that it is clean and of course the harp accuses them of lying. What a bitch and liar this bloody harp is?! Oh wait; it actually keeps her mouth shut. Scrooge knows that the nephews are hiding something that is not good for their reputation as he asks what is in there. If they just say air mattress; would the harp no sell that? Sadly; the nephews stammer and say nothing. Stupid move nephews as the harp accuses them of lying for real. As if we NEEDED to know that you little bitch. Scrooge of course blows them off and opens the door as the whole contents spill out like a toy tomb. Scrooge is giddy because he'll finally be able to know who is lying or not. Please don't turn it into a morality play, please. You are going along so well at this point. Louie thinks that this is great. Oh no, no, no! This is bad, bad, BAD!
Scrooge asks how they are doing in school and the nephews get up, stammer and run out of the room before that harp does any more damage to their moral decency. Scrooge is laughing this up because with that harp he can finally stop people from screwing him as Duckworth can only wonder what went wrong. Scrooge runs out of the house as we see at the front entrance, Huey, Dewey and Louie putting on their roller skates. Umm; shouldn't they be...uh; cleaning their room for real NOW? Louie proclaims that their lives are now miserable with that harp around as Dewey wants to go away from the house to do some serious thinking. Huey suggests the video arcade which shows that the Quack Pack nephews weren't as different from the Ducktales as we think that they are. QP nephews are soul less shell; yes, but not the way that you would think. The nephews roller skate away as we cut to the limo as it drives away from the driveway.
The nephews follow the car as we cut to inside Scrooge's Greek Museum of Doom as we pan over to the various stuff he is showing and then we see a dogsperson guard (in a brown uniform and flashlight) walking around and then we see the ancient grandmother of Miss Pine washing the floors with a water bucket. As the guard escapes stage right; Miss Pine Sr; runs to the statue of Helen of Troy and we see Poe pop from the bucket spitting water. Okay; it's really Magica Despell in a disguise with a bad gray wig. She changes back with magic to her old self as Poe blows some bubbles for fun. Magica then gets ticked because the harp is not here as she needs to know the secrets of harp so she can be as great as Helen. I thought she already WAS great as she is? Poe proclaims that Scrooge has the harp forevermore and then blows more bubbles for some more fun. Poe swallows some water as Magica has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN in mind and then changes into Helen of Troy since no man can resist her see. She asks Poe about her look and somehow she looks a bit uglier than she was when she was really Magica. But that is just me talking as a sexist man. Poe likes the look; but blows off the bad accent. Magica calls it close enough as Scrooge will be putty in her hands see. She proclaims that she needs to wear gloves and then runs off through the door laughing. Poe is confused as to what is going on as we cut back to underwater as we see the Minotaur Statue (Frank Welker; DUH!) walking slowly some more; remembering to crush a rusted tugboat in the process and scare off a crab. That ends the segment 11 and a half minutes in. Man; minus that bitchy harp; this episode is AWESOME thus far.
After the commercial break; we get more walking underwater from the Minotaur as it churns a submarine 360 degrees good as the captain and his men inside spin around and bump around for fun. They are all sailors as the sailor captain is a dogsperson with a weird hairstyle in a brown uniform (Will Ryan again). He goes to the radar with one of the sailors and orders him to contact the fleet as it is heading for Duckberg bay. So we cut back to the guard who has returned as he notices the water bucket and mop; but no sign of the cleaning lady. We then get a cut shot of the statue of Helen of Troy and then we cut to inside a car to the backseat as Magica (disguised as Helen of Troy natch) with Poe on top of the seat. If Poe doesn't get involved in any way; this could work really good. Magica proclaims that Scrooge cannot resist her charm now. So we cut to a near shot of Scrooge's Money Bin and then we pan down southwards. The black limo (I didn't know she even had a limo. How does she pay for that cool car? And can she sell it to me?) arrives at the driveway and Magica tells the driver (a green Frankenstein dogsperson monster natch) to keep the motor running. If it wasn't for that broken English accent; she would be perfect. As it is; she better know how to speak proper English or she's going to face the wrath of that bitchy, bitchy, bitchy harp.
We then cut to Scrooge's office room as Scrooge is asking the harp if that is the best deal...or wait; he talking over the phone. Never mind; I thought Scrooge was going insane there for a minute. He then gives the phone to the harp and she accuses the phone guy of lying of course. You know something; that kind of jerk off attitude is what usually kills deals before they start. I think Scrooge's attempt at truth telling is going to hurt him in the long run; as if the bitchy harp hasn't already put one foot of Scrooge's in the grave. Scrooge blows the guy off and slams the phone down calling him a crook. Scrooge proclaims that Helen was powerful because nothing can deceive her. I wonder why Troy fell then. Hmmmm; maybe because the harp kills more than just eardrums. Ponder THAT one for a moment and despair.
Scrooge calls her a great business partner and I just had to gag on that one as Magica DeHelena walks in proclaiming that she doesn't have an appointment and wants to meet with Scrooge. Scrooge gets charmed out of his skull. Helena goes for the harp calling it beautiful; but Scrooge steals it back asking if she wants to hear her play. He claims to be good and the harp calls him a liar. Will you shut the hell up you bloody, bloody, bloody harp?! Helena doesn't care anyway as she thinks the harp sings good; but the lips don't move. I told you to lose the Russian accent Magica. It's going to blow your cover as she calls Scrooge a puppet master. Scrooge then asks if they have met before. Helena calls this not possible and of course the harp has to ruin the whole thing by accusing her of lying. Helena charms Scrooge's beak and of course the harp won't shut up. Someone clip her damn strings already. I don't care if it's Scrooge, Magica or that Minotaur. JUST DO IT NOW! Helena gets pissed off at the harp as Scrooge puts the harp in the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) and locks it with a gold key.
Scrooge demands answers and Magica Despell decides to change back and blow her cover anyway. Magica threatens Scrooge to give her the golden key or else. Or else what? Sell it to WCW. AHHAHAHAHAHA! She then changes into Magica DeBullySpell complete with cleveage. Oh come on; she looks like a dumb caveman in that outfit for crying out loud! Okkkkkaaayyyy; this could be fun. Scrooge backs up to his vault and then throws the gold key into the vault and closes it. Scrooge blows off DeBullySpell. DeBullySpell wants lock combination and Scrooge blows her off so Magica grabs him and shows off the best headlock I have ever seen. I guess she's in the Diva Division of Wrestling For Dollars. She might be Awesome Kong's trainer. AHHAHAHAHAHA! She also does a gorilla press slam throwing Scrooge about 30 feet off the desk as she calls it a Flying Mayor. That joke would have been funny if Scrooge WAS the mayor of Duckberg. Or is he? I SMELL A FANFIC COMING!
She grabs Scrooge on the rebound and goes for the Airplane Spin. Why isn't Magica the World Heavyweight Champion? In any division?! She's got a better work rate than John Cena does right now and she only has done three moves total. And it's ONE-HANDED too! If she does the Screw Driver on Scrooge; then Scrooge should just submit to her will right now. No amount of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH is worth this kind of punishment. Unless he's doing it to get the managerial services of Gloria Swansong. She drops Scrooge with a good off-screen bump and then steals the desk just to screw him good. Why not? Then she can cement her position as the World's Strongest Duck in Wrestling For Dollars. Scrooge jumps up as Magica pushes the desk out of the office door. Scrooge follows her outside as Magica does her best press slam impression just to be a dick. She throws the desk onto the limo and the visual I get makes the desk look like a casket. Seriously! Magica gets on as Poe blows her off for being someone else. So Magica changes back to herself and blows Poe off as the stupid ones. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there as the casket limo drives off with Scrooge unable to follow.
Scrooge calls for the limo and here comes Duckworth with the purple limo and Scrooge goes inside and orders him to follow that desk. Duckworth's expression is showing the cracks of him snapping at some point. The limo drives and we get the SCOOBY DOO CAR CHASE SEQUENCE THE DESK EDITION~! Oh goody; a car chase scene. Just what this episode needed. We get some driving to waste more time down the maze of streets on the far shot as walkers bail away from the road. We go over a bridge to waste more time as then we see the purple limo catch up with the black limo. Fuse them together and you get the Darkwing Duck Mobile. No wonder Drake is so screwed up; he watches too many Wuzzles episodes. Scrooge jumps from the window on the right side and lands on the side of the desk as Magica stomps on his hand tells him to take a taxi and a bus as she takes the desk. Okay; that was too funny. Scrooge gets on top of the desk blowing Magica off as the black limo goes up the hill. Sadly; Magica forgot to tie down the desk with ropes and the desk goes flying off the black limo and the desk somehow doesn't break on impact despite a pretty good bump. SOMEONE FIRE THAT DESK!
Scrooge seems to be the only one on it and the desk slides down the hill to fetch a pail of Pentagram Nuts. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm.... Magica is hurt on the ground as she wants the license to that desk from Mr. Poe. So what is Poe's first name Magica? Raven? AHHAHAHAHAHA! And since this is 1987; she faints right on cue. So we continue as Scrooge drives with the desk down the hill towards the intersection which has a traffic cop (Frank Welker) with two gold stars and more white than what is needed in this show. Minus the Mickey Mouse gloves of course. He can keep those as part of the dressage by the way. He panics and whistles on his whistle blower as Scrooge rides away from him as the cop dodges. The cop blows him off claiming that he got it from office supply school. I doubt it seriously. If you want to blame the Wuzzles driving skills on office supply school; then be my guest. Rhinokey came from joke fixing school. AHHAHAHAHAHA! More riding on the desk as we get the good old fashion moving van ramp (because they show up when you least want them to) and the desk goes flying in the air. And if it squashes Drake than it is truly God. Scrooge does the spinning desk in midair and then we see it go down another hill. This is like Halifax only less boring.
So we cut to see the nephews leaving the video arcade and check out the pervert owner hanging a picture of a sexy girl with a black bikini in the background posted on a wall with the green arrow. BS&P? What BS&P?! Oh; and who allows patrons to roller skate IN the arcade anyway?! Dewey proclaims that video games cheer them up. Okay Disney fans; this is why Ducktales is in 1987 and TaleSpin is in 1937 right there. Get over it and move on. The nephews still haven't decided on getting rid of that tattletale bitchy harp yet. Dewey suggests talking to Scrooge about his side of the story and speaking of the rich devil himself; Scrooge rides down the street on his desk which makes the nephews panic. They race down to help which the nephews would never do for their uncle. Because they would blow off Scrooge as an old fuddy duddy and then go home and fling forks in the ceiling whining about having nothing to do. Now THERE'S a good home for that annoying harp: In Quack Pack; inside the new nephews room; just to piss them off. It's heading for the bay as we get a near shot of the wooden yellow stripped barrier (like that is going to help) as they race down hoping that it floats. Sadly; Scrooge's desks bumps like a horse; breaks through the barrier and flies into the ocean with a resounding splash. The nephews stop near the broken barrier as we cut to a shot of bubbles on the sea and that ends the segment 17 minutes in. So much for floating the desk I guess.
After the commercial break; we get a shot of the bay as the desk floats up (HA!) and Scrooge pops up coughing and gasping for air. Scrooge gets on the desk and tries to open it because he wants the harp. Umm; check your internal logic there guys. The harp is in the right drawer; not the central drawer. Then again; Scrooge might be going insane after the salt water has infected him; so I'm going to not call it a logic break. The nephews call it a solution to their harp problems. The nephews then recoil because they don't want to suffer the insanity of Scrooge McDuck as Huey throws the skate key over to Scrooge and he almost lets it drop into the ocean. Scrooge takes the key and opens the central drawer and takes out the harp. It's the top right one you idiot! Logic break #1 for the episode 17 and a half minutes in which is a new record for Ducktales thus far. And as he cheers for victory; the desk sinks into the ocean again. HAHA! See; I'm always right about these certain things in the end.
Huey jumps in off-screen and grabs Scrooge who nearly drowns and then he swims over to the dock as Duckworth comes with the limo and hops out. Where the hell was he? Drinking and snapping on something?! Scrooge goes back in as Louie ribs him on taking a bath. Scrooge just wants to get the museum opening started and they will have to stay alert as Magica will probably try this again. I think Scrooge has bigger problems than that as we cut back to underwater as the submarine is riding and the submarine captain is calling the Admiral (I guess Grimitz) as they will give it everything that they got. He hangs up the phone inside and orders them to give the monster both tubes at point blank range?! What kind of BS&P was that? Why not say missiles? The minotaur statue arrives right on time as the Captain has the periscope on point blank range and the Captain orders the men to fire the tube. Two torpedoes fire from the front as we go to the periscope shot as they hit their target good; but the minotaur statue no sells. Man; that stone is tougher than Steve Williams. He calls the Admiral on the transmitter as he request the Air Force to come in and for the city to be evacuated.
So we go to a city roof top shot AFTER HAPPY HOUR as the helicopters are spotlighting the entire city. We then go to a ground shot of the police chief (in a green uniform; I guess he's part of the army of Duckberg) with the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS (Chuck McCann) ordering everyone to leave and not panic. That face and white beard looks familiar to an early Ducktales episode where Scrooge was framed for stealing something. Of course; they used that plot line about three times in this series so it's hard to tell which episode it is. I see there is a poodle (or a sheep; hard to tell) in the crowd as we cut to a crowded street as the limo is driving by Duckworth. Scrooge proclaims that the exhibit is more popular than a Bruce Springchicken concert. If only Scrooge; if only. We cut to inside as Scrooge is inside along with Webby (as herself), the nephews (wearing suits and red bow tie; just to assure that I cannot tell them apart again.) and Mrs. Beakly in a Wii Blue Dress and pink pearl necklace. Geez; you know this episode rocks when the writer won't play into the Economy of Characters syndrome like most television cartoons do.
Scrooge wants Duckworth to drive on back so they can slip in unnoticed. So we logically cut to inside the exhibit and there is no one in sight. Not even Mickey Mouse. Scrooge wonders why there is no one in there as the Police Chief of Doom runs into the room asking why Scrooge is even here. Scrooge explains the grand opening and the Police Chief informs them that the city is being evacuated. One of the nephews goes to the window (all in gold I might add) and it shows that the people in the cars are moving inland and a helicopter flashing lights. Scrooge and the gang walk away as he orders Mrs. Beakly and Webby to go home with Duckworth. Why bother bringing them; if they aren't going to get a speaking role? Scrooge and the nephews decide to go after the monster with the chief because this is a male cartoon see. So we cut to outside as the Blue Army of Doom behind a sand bunker with their cannons and binoculars blazing. The rumor has it that it's as tall as an office building. That's hardly good information to go with as the police chief states that it has a head for a bull and the body of a...Well; the Minotaur Statue finally rises from the sea as Scrooge points out the obvious. So we have about three minutes left in the episode to defeat this thing. Or give the harp back to him. Same thing basically. The helicopters put the spotlight on the statue which annoys it; but the missiles of doom fail badly as usual. Scrooge realizes that it's going for the harp and the museum. Scrooge has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN to ponder as he claims that his bubble gum factory is on the way to the museum. The nephews are as confused as I am as the nephews bail just as the minotaur destroys a dock. Bastard!
So we head to the bubble gum factory (which looks like the same building that houses his chocolate factory. Then again; there was bubble gum being made there; so there is no logic break). We cut to inside as we see Scrooge and the nephews turning the wheel to the huge pipe of doom as Scrooge explains the whole plan as they bail to the roof as the bubble gum substance of doom oozes out of the pipe and out of the factory. Hmmm; looks like a repeat finish to Golden Suns episode #1; only with bubble gum. We cut to the roof as the male babyfaces make it there and watch the Minotaur Statue walk forward and destroy a red car in the process. DAMN HIM TO HELL! That was a perfectly innocent vehicle too. He steps into the bubble gum stuff like an idiot and sticks to it like mad. Somehow this spot works better on speedsters than this slowpoke.
Sadly; the stuff cannot hold much longer as the Minotaur isn't going to give up and Scrooge realizes that the only way to shut him up is to give him the harp. Nice to see it only took one plan for him to give up as we cut back to inside the museum as we cut to the Trojan Horse of Progress and out of the trapdoor drops Magica Despell. Geez; how did she find a way to stay away from Scrooge is beyond me. Magica drops on the floor with a wussy on-screen bump and then blows off the horse. I knew she was against safe sex. I just needed the evidence to prove it. She walks towards the harp and proclaims victory as she is going to take her home and find out how magical she really is. She grabs the harp just in time for Scrooge and the nephews to come in the door. D'OH! Next time; use a PLANT SPELL! The benefits pay better. The nephews run in to protest as Magica escapes through the fire escape stairs as Scrooge pleads with her because she's going to get herself (insert swear word here) by the Minotaur Statue.
Magica makes it to the roof and then blows off Scrooge again with a cute harping promo. The babyfaces follow as Magica makes it to the hellish black helicopter (Man; she is the evil female version of Scrooge)and orders her Frankenstein monster to fly the thing out of here. The monster sells and the helicopter rises up as Scrooge uses his cane to hook onto the talons of the helicopter with the nephews pleading to be careful. Save that for Kit Cloudkicker; he's going to need it more than this old geezer. POW! POW! OUCH! HEY! Ummm... Of course Scrooge makes it to the side as the helicopter is headed to Duckberg Bay as Scrooge slides along and then steals the harp from Magica. Magica protests this outrage and tries to grab Scrooge and Scrooge freefalls off the helicopter towards the city below and falls into the bubble gum stuff which of course saves him. Yeah; I know, BS&P and all. Man; that just makes Kit's fall even more special now. The Minotaur is still pissed off as usual. Scrooge pops from the gum tomb and uncorks the harp and sezs goodbye to it as he means it since the harp no sells it. The Minotaur grabs the harp from Scrooge on the hand off. Minotaur is HAPPY as Scrooge proclaims that he'll miss all the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH he could save.
After all the damages are calculated; I doubt Scrooge will be sad to see the harp go after the trouble of stealing it in the first place. At least he gets keep the other stuff he stole from Troy; so it's a partial Broken Truth telling. So we go with a scene changer as the Minotaur carries the harp away to sea and drops down underwater; probably to never been seen again; except for the Greeks of course. The nephews (on the dock with Scrooge) apologize for Scrooge losing his harp despite the fact that they were the ones who wanted the harp gone in the first place. The nephews of course rib each other on that one just to show that they indeed wanted it gone. Scrooge proclaims that the truth telling was more trouble than it was worth. Scrooge proclaims that he's not sorry that the harp is gone and the nephews blow him off for lying. And somehow that last blow off is better and more fitting than the original harp since they are both done by Russi Taylor. Everyone laughs it up as the nephews hug themselves in some cute ritual and that ends the episode at 21:07. There is our second perfect episode right there thanks to Magica Despell and a really good storyline with a pretty good moral and irony to that moral at the end. Not even the bitchy harp of death could ruin it and quite frankly; the Minotaur is better off with the harp than with Scrooge. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I remember this episode a lot back then and I still love it now. I still cannot stand that harp. Sure; she's right in pointing out the lies of others; but she's a real piss ant and often annoying. I just want to clip her strings good. Still; that is the only bad thing of the episode and despite my hate for that harp; the harp's context was correct so really that is just me being one of those people who cannot stand having my contexts challenged. Maybe the minotaur battle was a bit weak; but then again they were running short on time and I find it better off that Scrooge wasn't so overbearing and just being a slight smart aleck which is fine by me thank you. Magica DeSpell was great as I expected her to be; and it's nice to see a time when certain symbols like pentagrams COULD be put on a children's cartoon. Poe was all right too with a couple of neat spots.
The rest of the characters were their usual good selves as well as that slow but steady minotaur who is tougher than Steve Williams. Which Steve? Doesn't matter (Steve Austin's original name is Steve Williams and it was changed due to Doctor Death Steve Williams who was also real tough in the wrestling ring.). I also like the storyline and the pacing as it was constant and smooth throughout; and with only one logic break to boot and only one wussy bumps from TMS. That's no small feat for a DTVA episode. Man; I guess this writer really turned to crap after Batman: The Animated Series; or she retired for goodness knows what reason because this episode is truly first class. Next up is The Right Duck which is the first of “Scrooge fires someone and aliens attack” stories. Yeah I know; it's wacky I tell ya. So.....
Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you next time.