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The Right Duck
When Mars Comes Calling, Always Call the Party Crasher...
Oh goody; another Ken Koonce and David Weimers special! You know it's going to be special when those two are writing. Or maybe not. Now we get into the first story of “Scoorge fires someone and all hell breaks loose on the one being fired.” It's only fitting that it's Launchpad getting first crack at it. So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode was written by Ken Koonce and David Weimers. The story is consulted by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron and the story is edited by Jymn Magon.
We begin this one with a sky shot of Scrooge's mansion as someone is lifting a statue from a banana yellow helicopter (WHAT WAS SCROOGE OR LAUNCHPAD SMOKING TO THINK THAT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!) which of course Launchpad is flying. I see this is the back side of the mansion since the swimming pool is shown. We cut to a sky shot to ground level near the pool as Scrooge has the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS with Mrs. Beakly looking quite worried. I don't know if it's LP's lack of coordination or Scrooge's yelling that has her worried; but I wouldn't be shocked if it was both. LP is confused stiff as Scrooge runs off to Mrs. Beakly covering his eyes in panic because he is going to drop the statue into the pool. Odd makers: In pool 2:1, outside pool and it gets smashed 1:1, he does it perfectly 600:1. And Launchpad actually puts the statue perfectly on the pillar with a little sway; but it stays flush. IT'S A MIRACLE! I win $600 from myself. LP breathes a sigh of relief because this proves that he's a pilot with brains instead of the opposite of what Scrooge thinks. Umm; no LP. You still are a pilot without brains. You just got LUCKY!
Sadly; the engines die on him as he ran out of gas. Scrooge or Launchpad has got to invest in one that doesn't guzzle that much gas; seriously. He of course free falls into the pool and somehow avoids smashing the statue. That is one wacky crash landing he had there since he should have smashed the freaking statue on the free fall. Launchpad pops out and puts on his lifejacket proclaiming that he's okay and then swims to the edge as Scrooge blows him off for being proof of reincarnation. Which leads to the obvious question: Which character did LP reincarnate from Scrooge? Inquiring minds would like to know so we can thank whoever died from the result for bringing us such a funny character. Scrooge calls him out as Mrs. Beakly restrains him from Shaken Moron Syndrome~! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait...That isn't funny at all. POW! OUCH! Ummm....
So we logically go to the scene changer to a street near a bakery as LP and Doofus (DOUBLE YAY!) walk together as Launchpad basically tells him that Scrooge fired him more or less. And that he's all washed up. Nah; you were all washed up when Drake Mallard buried you in DARKWING....DUCK. Maybe you should have appeared in TaleSpin as a rival pilot to Baloo. That would truly have made for an interesting Season 2. Imagine Kit Cloudkicker right in the middle of that sandwich. One is irresponsible at business; the other is irresponsible at crash landings. Double the fun! Double the headaches for Miss Cunningham! I mean that what all Baloo lovers want to see: Rebecca getting her just deserts for the so-called bitch attitude she possesses. Doofus is on a skateboard while eating at the same time! Now there is something Kit would never do. Then again; he's not a fat kid see. Doofus calls this unfair because he only made 300 mistakes. Which is about 100 mistakes less than Drake Mallard does in an average episode in his own show. THERE IS NO JUSTICE~! Launchpad accuses Scrooge of calling him a space-case while claiming to be loopy. Okay; that is slander. He's an airhead Scroogie. AHHAHAHAHAHA! We go to the moving 3D shot (the same one used in Sheepskin Deep by the way) as it's just good enough by television standards; but would get MURDERED in feature. Doofus suggests (and he's carrying a box to boot while riding the skateboard too) that Scrooge thinks that he should be an ASS-TRONAUT~!
Oh goody; I get to bring me my MXC Kenny Blankenship joke which I found so funny. It will also help in the formatting of this rant a lot more too. And they repeat the background sequence about three times (check the lamp post with the red arrow sign) as Launchpad sees this as a way to prove to Scrooge that he is a great pilot. And reason wept tears of joy. So we logically go to the space building which is called D.A.S.A. (Take one guess what the D stands for.) as the male receptionist greets him to the Duckberg Aeronautics and Space Administration. Basically N.A.S.A in Duckberg which is funny considering that this takes place in America according to Carl Barks vision. I guess Duckberg has a local space program. Wonder if Scrooge had anything to do with it? Hmmmm.... We cut to inside the office (check the model space craft hanging on top of the ceiling) as Doctor Von Geezer's assistant (Terry McGovern) who is a dogsperson with black hair, a white coat and brown pants. We head inside the office as Launchpad, Doofus and Von Geezer's assistant walk in as we pan over to the desk as the door close. There is Doctor Von Geezer himself who is of course an old geezer with a white coat, Mickey Mouse gloves (like the assistant) and a blue tie.
The good old doctor is voiced by the late Howard Morris (passed away 2005) who began his career in the movie Riding Shotgun in 1954. And what a career Howard Morris had as he was not only an actor and voice talent; he also wrote television episodes like Caesar's Hour at the same time as Riding Shotgun, Beetle Bailey and Valentine's Day. He also directed television and movies (23 in all) including The Andy Griffith Show, The Bill Dana Show, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Get Smart, Bewitched, Hogan's Heroes, and as recently as Trapper John, M.D. In 1986. He also did voice dialog directing (which isn't that unusual for voice talents actually; See Susan Blu and even Ginny McSwain) with Police Academy the series, Bionic Six, Rose Petal Place, and Cabbage Patch Kids: First Christmas. He also did a casting role in Kidd Video, recording director for the 1983 television movie version of Beauty & The Beast, produced Corner Bar and was a guest star in This is Your Life and Hollywood Squares to name just a few.
As for his voice acting roles; he was Atom Ant in the show with the same name, did a number of Fred Flintstone episodes in the early 1960's, was Gopher in a number of the WDFA Winnie The Pooh shorts, was Jughead Jones in a number of early Archie shows and he even voiced the same character on Sesame Street. Now THAT'S a special treat when you can get on Sesame Street. He was also Bogel in 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo. I believe Gummi Bears was his DTVA debut as Sir Pouch in a rant I did earlier, and he also appeared in a few other Ducktales episodes and TaleSpin as King Amok (the dangerous one). His last credit was Cartoon Network Racing in 2006 and Cow & Chicken as Flem in 1999. So we continue on as he proclaims that this is his application and it looks like a child scrawl. Man; even Baloo is not that terrible. He then tells Doofus that he's too young for the space program anyway. HAHA! He has no clue who really did that and Von Geezer got that stereotypical slurring going as LP blows it off because it's his application. What in Scrooge's mind possessed him to hire him in the first place? At least Baloo was forced to sell and be hired on a handshake (not really; it was an argument) so he didn't have a chance to screw it up. Von Geezer cannot believe someone would write this and Launchpad basically tells him to believe it; as it's his every sketch and doodle. Von Geezer sees this as a good thing to be an ASS-TRONOT so to speak.
So we go inside the training room as Von Geezer and his assistant are ready to put Launchpad through his moronic paces so to speak. Launchpad enters wearing a pretty classy spacesuit as he is ready to go screw the space program like he did with Scrooge. Unintentionally of course. Von Geezer tells him that he must be out the competition to win the right to be an ASS-TRONOT. Launchpad proclaims that he eats them for breakfast as Von Geezer is happy to hear that. He then introduces Ronny (Chris Barat has him as Ronnie for those who are keeping track) and then Launchpad goes out to greet him; but he has to look down as we see a monkey in a spacesuit eating a banana. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just knew Von Geezer was up to something when he was giggling under his breath there. Ronny chatters like a monkey (Frank Welker, DUH!) and Launchpad shakes hands with the monkey as he gets banana creamed on his hands. HAHA! Von Geezer and his assistant lead Launchpad away as LP blows off the monkey. Not a smart move at all as the monkey gets mad and throws the banana peel right in front of LP's feet which LP doesn't see and he slips and slides good. This monkey seems to have Molly's blow off skills; only Molly sweeter and we have to read between the lines in order to realize what she is really doing. He goes through the door and does the Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot through the door just to annoy me. I watch this show to get away from Hanna Barbera; not be reminded of it. Von Geezer's assistant blows LP off because they are looking the for century's dumbest pilot. Sadly for him; LP is on his way to winning that prize at this rate. Von Geezer proclaims that if he fails the test; then they don't have to sent the chimp into space as the chimp gets really evil.
So we head to the flight simulator as we pan over to the one armed amusement ride of doom which the thing is controlled with a control panel done by the assistant. So that's why people think the moon landing was a fake! The simulation ride is similar to carnival barkers. It all makes sense now. Or maybe not. Von Geezer explains the situation as the ride stops and Ronny gets off looking drunk to the gills. Launchpad gets in and starts driving the simulation as the ride begins in earnest much to the delight of Ronny. We then cut to a back shot of LP driving the ride as the front screen changes into something out of a space simulation video game. LP calls this fun and he swears off choppers in the process. And Mr. Hardcore screams like mad. We go to the zoom shots of the earth and the planets as then we hum some more and the ride goes low as Ronny goes over to the side of the control panel and opens the panel to reveal the wires and then snaps them like chicken wings. That causes the simulation to go haywire (HA!) as it zooms in on the space launchpad (HA!) and then the whole panel goes boom; Launchpad destroys the steering wheel and causes the ride to snap itself from the structure and LP bounces up and down onto the ground with some really decent bumps along the way. The bastions of sadism and science guys come over to lift the glass dome as LP is of course all right.
Von Geezer is amazed because that is the first time in space program history to have someone actually crash the space simulator. Never mind that the chimp was to blame for it since he wants to get out of the program so to speak. LP notices the chimp is laughing it up behind Von Geezer's back and is not impressed with the praise. So we head to the space simulated water tank as the science guys and Launchpad are on top of the tank as Von Geezer explains the sensation of walking in space. Somehow; I call BS on this; but this is a cartoon so we go with cartoon logic only because I'm not sure if this would work out in real life. The assistant pushes LP and Ronny (with full spacesuits on by the way) into the water and they dive down complete with concern music. So Launchpad starts dancing in the water commenting about how wet it is; and Ronny sneaks up from behind and twists a knob on the suit which blows air into the suit and makes him the FAT-ASSTRONOT~! HAHA!
We cut to above the tank as Von Geezer and his assistant trade notes. Ronny is fine and Launchpad is swelling much to Von Geezer's confusion. I think that chimp is a rotten dirty cheater who is a traitor and a quitter all rolled into one. He's the monkey version of Sara Palin. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Then we cut back to underwater as Ronny clearly invokes the PIN OF DOOM on the spacesuit and pops the suit slowly. Geez; why not just turn off the oxygen tank while you're at it if you want to be really sadistic Ronny. Launchpad flies into the air like a balloon slowly popping out of the water and then free falls and squashes the two science guys with a good bump. And to show the overness of the three character; Von Geezer and his assistant are tied with being on bottom. Launchpad tries to plead his case that the chimp did it and Von Geezer doesn't buy it as he praises LP for crashing the space suit. LP is REALLY STUPID because by now; it's obvious that they are trying to get him to win because they want the dumbest pilot and Ronny wants out of the space program see so LP can be his replacement. So we logically go to the beach as we see a bunch of train tracks and a white plane like ship that looks very too big for it's bridges. Launchpad goes over with the wrench and decides to play the game as he sabotages. Now anyone who has seen; ummm....three episodes of this spot knows that this always backfires and Launchpad will go first instead of the chimp.
Von Geezer arrives with his assistant and Ronny as he is glad he's at the G-Force simulator (no relation to G-Force from Japan nor the Disney movie). Launchpad wishes him good luck and leads him to the ship; but Von Geezer wants LP to go first this time. Damn; I'm good. Launchpad pleads that his spacesuit shrank in the wash; but they throw him in anyway because that don't want him to blame his failure on the monkey see. Well; that pretty much gives away the spot right there as the assistant uses the controls and the space ship goes flying down the tracks. Since the right wheel has no nut; the front right wheel bounces away without a care. It flies up into the sky and zooms around as the assistant cannot control the crazy thing and everyone is in awe (except for Ronny of course; he's laughing it up off-screen) and the spaceship crashes into the sand, DUH! Next time LP: Don't blame the monkey in front of the doctor! Just sabotage the thing and then they won't notice that you did.
So we return to Launchpad's room inside his house as Launchpad is in regular clothes now in bed sulking. Doofus arrives asking about the long face. Launchpad proclaims that a monkey will be sent into space instead of him. HAHA! If only LP; if only. Doofus goes for the bowl of fruit (which I bet is wax since LP cannot afford to buy real fruit anymore) as he thinks he will be picked. You don't know the half of that one Doofus Drake. The phone rings and he thinks it's DASA as Doofus picks up the phone and confuses eating with speaking. No; not really. We then cut to Von Geezer's office as Doctor Von Geezer is on the phone speaking. He tells Doofus that he is the ASS-TRONOT that they are looking for and Doofus cheers for victory as he puts the phone down. Launchpad is happy because this will prove to Scrooge that he is not a stupid pilot see. They do not suspect a thing at all. So we logically go into the DASA control room as Doctor Von Geezer is sitting down on the control panel while his assistant comes in saying that he questions the decision of bringing a stupid pilot into space. Doofus (who is right beside Von Geezer) blows him off for daring to call Launchpad stupid. So what? He's funnier when he is a moron Doofus. Let it go already.
Von Geezer than blows the facade right off the whole thing by proclaiming that he needs a proven idiot to test his idiot proof guidance system. He then asks for the idiot and his assistant tells him that LP is going to Launchpad 2 and they blast off in five minutes. We see on the television screen in the background of Launchpad walking towards the space shuttle and that's enough for Doofus to run out wanting Launchpad to stop. Good luck Doofus Drake. We got 14 ½ minutes left in the episode anyway. Sadly; Launchpad is so stupid that he gets Launchpad numbers in number of minutes. So he picks Launchpad 5 in two minutes of course (helpfully labeled as such) and climbs up the ladder as he opens the door and goes through the world tinest DA...HOLE! SLURP! (God bless Baby Plucky!) Launchpad blows off the lack of space inside as there are no hitchhikers on this one. We then see Doofus on the Launchpad looking for #2 and doesn't find Launchpad; so he deduces without speaking (now there's something you don't see everyday) and goes with #5 and sees Launchpad stuck to the DA..HOLE~! HAHA! And his size is like a bean pole for crying out loud! Doofus gets on top and grabs onto the legs of Launchpad telling him that he cannot go and LP blows him off and turns on the space shuttle. UH OH! This is not going to end well for these two goofs.
So we cut back to Mission Control as Doctor Von Geezer and his assistant notice the screen flashing a Wii blue as someone has activated the Voyager probe. Take one guess who did that. Doofus hangs on as the space ladder is thrown away and the rocket ship takes off instantly into space. Great visual shots of Doofus going into the suit like something out of the Matrix movie and the Matrix movie hasn't even been invented yet. Launchpad closes the door as the ship leaves earth on the zoom out shot screen. Launchpad asks Doofus what he wants to tell him and Doofus decides that it's too late now and gulps. He hopes LP is a smart pilot. Then we get a shot of the Voyager splitting into two as the bottom half drops down to earth. Launchpad panics on the front cockpit shot as he calls this screwy since he was suppose to orbit earth and not leave it. Doofus then gulps on cue because he might miss supper as a result. HAHA! If only Doofus..If only. So we cut back to Mission Control as the good doctor swears in DUBBED GERMAN STYLE (dummkopf) and wants answers to this outrage. T
he doctor tries to run off as the probe wasn't supposed to leave until tomorrow. The assistant then calls him back in as the thing has detected strange life forms. Von Geezer comes back and of course; it's Launchpad and Doofus on the monitor. HAHA! Strange one indeed my good man. I smell a lawsuit and a termination notice in your futures. They then get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and the doctor blows himself off for being so stupid to hire someone so stupid. HAHA! At least he didn't psychologically project like so many characters in DTVA do. So we go back into space with a shot of the space rocket flying due west as Launchpad has no idea where the radio is to contact Von Geezer. LP pushes the blue button on the panel and a panel opens to reveal a record player and some steel paws put a record on the player and turn the needle. It contains a recording of Von Geezer proclaiming that they sent the probe to Mars as a peace offering. UH OH! Von Geezer is a quack doctor. Of course it would have been funnier if he was a duck. Or Ludwig Von Drake. I guess Corey Burton wasn't available during the production.
So we go to a shot of the planet Mars as the space rocket lands down and Doofus realizes that he will miss supper. Okay; we then cut to a far shot of the alien city as we cut to inside the throne room of the King of Mars as we see green dogspeople wearing purple outfits. Man; even the aliens are like humans only greener. Which proves without a doubt of Kermit the Frog's song: It's Not Easy Being Green. They spread out and form a line and then declare to their king who is a thinner dogsperson with the same purple outfit but with a red cape and a ruby crown on his head. I'm guessing the guards in question are Terry McGovern and Frank Welker. They call him Ping The Pitiless which absolutely sucks as a name and title. He is voiced by Ronnie Schell who started in 1965 with The Patty Duke Show and was Larry Clark in Good Morning, World, Gilbert Slater in Gomer Pyle, USMC, Harvey Peck in That Girl, and got cameos in Happy Days, Wait Till Your Father Gets Home, The Whiz Kid & The Carnival Caper, Dukes of Hazzard and The Love Boat. He started voice acting with G-Force (Battle of the Planets) and cameod in Fred Flintstone and Friends while continuing with cameos in live action including Square One Television, 227, Jetsons The Movie (as Ruby 2) and even as recently as Phil Of The Future. His only real notable voice acting credit was in Yo Yogi as Calvin Klunk and Sloan in Mega XLR. Ducktales was his only DTVA credit to date and his last credits are Easy to Assemble and Soupernatural as of last year and this year.
He turns around near the throne and he looks slightly evil; but the purple suit negates it. One of the elder aliens walks in (check the mustache, old hair and ribbon) as I see the coloring on the suit has changed from purple to violet on Ping. No big deal. Apparently; the territory of Zuch brought him jewels and Ping is so happy to get them as they sparkle so badly that the Martian Supplicant is a slave to the country for another year. How sweet of him, NOT! The supplicant is happy (the late Howard Morris again) as he tries to leave; but Ping notices a crack on one of the rubies. Of course; the logic shows on the back shot that there is no crack so it's either logic break #1 for the episode or Ping is lying to him. Everyone is SHOCKED and HORRIFIED as the supplicant proclaims that he checked the rubies for cracks. Ping blows him off for it like a ruthless tyrant would as the supplicant pleads for mercy which I sure he'll get none. Besides; you can clearly see that there is no cracks in the ruby that he's holding. Ping pushes the red button and that springs the trap door from below the supplicant and he free falls to his doom. Yeah sure; and there is an blood thirsty alien named Spot.
Like I'm buying that one as then we see the crack for real (proving that it was a logic break after all) and it's just a hair and Ping apologizes for it. Talk about being like inside a Salem Witch Trial. Then everyone screams on cue as the ceiling falls down and crumbles in mid-air as here comes the Voyager rocket ship as it lands perfectly in the center of the throne room. Everyone bails like scalded sick dogs as the four hands robot gets released on them. Yeah; Von Geezer is calling for peace; when he really wants to flame bait them into a science holy war. So it takes the hand and steals all the stuff that isn't nailed down; including a few aliens to boot as Ping notices Launchpad and Doofus inside as they are pleading for help from the wrath of the evil Von Geezer robot! That is the second time the word rummage sale is used in this series. I guess yard sale is copyrighted. The record gets played again and Von Geezer's recording are just getting more and more annoying and vile by the second.
Ping magically appears on the throne seat (Huh? Wasn't he looking at LP and Doofus a moment ago?) and then comes in to defend himself; but the robot grabs him as he calls for the guards to stop this outrage. That allows four guards to grab the hands to defend themselves and that's enough for Launchpad and Doofus to drop out of the robot with a wussy bump onto the floor. I see another logic break here: There should be no air on Mars; so LP and Doofus should be wearing spacesuit in the room. I can understand the aliens doing it since they are aliens; but what the heck is LP and Doofus' excuse? Ping comes in for answers as the robot returns and steals his ruby crown just to be a dick. HAHA! The lasers are set to full blast (apporos in this case since they are aliens) as he accuses them of being thieves so he'll go to earth to rob them of their riches instead. Now THAT is thinking big pal. Launchpad tells them not to because the Earth is poor see. That's why they sent him there. Ping decides not to rob them; but to MURDER the earth. LP has got to learn to tell the truth; even more so since he used to work with someone who IS rich. Launchpad doesn't like that as the aliens storm off and then Ping returns to order his guards to throw them into the dungeon of course. Yeah; cannot forget about that can we. The robot continues to move on without a care in the world as Launchpad and Doofus get carried out stage left as Doofus yells for help and that ends the segment 12 minutes in. Geez; that was pretty long.
After the commercial break; we return to the building of DASA as we head to Mission Control with Von Geezer pacing back and forth while the rest of the science guys are on the computers are having heart to heart talks. I wonder: dogspeople are the smart ones; ducks are the unemotional ones and the pigs are just pigs. What's wrong with this picture? We cut to the assistant as he notices the lines on the monitor screen have changed and informs Von Geezer that the probe has landed on Mars. There is no sign of LP or Doofus though as the assistant tells him that they cannot be heartless and leave them there. Von Geezer agrees to it lest he wants to lose his findings and he will send a rescue rocket. The assistant proclaims that LP is their only trained ASS-TRONOT. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! After trying to get the dumbest one out there; you called him trained?
Von Geezer claims that there is one more and they point directly at Ronny who is eating a banana on the seat. That will teach Ronny to cheat on others. Ronny gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and he's seriously screwed now. He tries to run away stage right; but we logically go to the launchpad as two police officers have the arms of Ronny and they drag him straight to the rocket ship. Well Ronny; you shouldn't have tried to weasel your way out of the space program and take it like a good little monkey should. AHHAHAHAHAHA! So we logically go to the city of Mars as Launchpad protests this outrage as the two guards continue to carry Launchpad and Doofus to the prison cells (which contain electric blue laser bars ala Wii.). Launchpad wants a phone call, a lawyer, a doctor and a sidebar to boot. He gets none of course as the rest of the prisoners look on. They get thrown in the prison cell as we get the second ET reference of this series. Launchpad tries to grab the bars and then he gets battered and fried by the WII BARS OF DOOM. See; even Launchpad knows now never to screw with the Expanded Audience. AHHAHAHA! So that logically leads us to...
Back at the rescue rocket as we see the police officers on top of the rocket ladder next to the ship as they try to throw Ronny the Crowd, Traitor and Quitter All Rolled Into One Monkey into the door; but the monkey grabs onto the sides. The darker brown dogsperson police officer blows him off in frustration (and can you blame him? That monkey is a traitor sezs I.) and then they pop him out and then throw him short into the rocket ship and lock the door from behind. The police officer in question is voiced by Jerry Dexter who started in Checkmate in 1961 and did mostly bit roles for McHale's Navy, Dragnet 1967, Hazel, The Jetsons, and a few movies like Downhill Racer, The Patsy, and Follow Me. He didn't do much of note in animation over than Chuck in Shazzan, Superboy in Super Friends, and a few unknown shows in the 1980's and 1990's like Ann Jillian (his last credit in 1990 before retiring for good.), Gobots, Drak Pack, Apple's Way and Fangface. Ducktales is his only DTVA credit to date. The officers run down the rocket ladder as the rocket ship takes off into the sky without any further incident.
So we return back to the Pit for the Pitiful (as Ping's grandma would say (check the Illana style hair she's wearing- voiced by Russi Taylor of course) as Ping's mom admits that she was jaywalking as part of her crimes. Launchpad calls that pitiless. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. LP claims that he probably would throw his mother in the slammer and Ping's mother admits that she IS his mother. BASTARD!! The goofs with attitude gulp as we see the robot get dragged into the jail cell and it puts up a good fight (I see the doctor made him electric laser proof) and then gets thrown in. Sadly; for the guards (Now Terry McGovern and Frank Welker for real), they get Locke-ized! HAHA! You know how low on the dignity scale you are when you're wearing pink under suits under your purple suits. The don't see my groin spot is absolutely stupid when they slide away stage right since the purple under suit covers all.
So we go to the prison cell #2 as Doofus tells Launchpad to get them out of here and use his head of course. Launchpad likes that so he head butts the bars and gets bounced back easily. So we cut to cell #1 as the robot takes out some silver keys (That is one ultra smart robot!) and gives them to Doofus. Doofus tells them to use the keys. Why? Because they are THE FORCE silly. Launchpad takes the keys while dizzy and throws them at the cell and of course nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING, happens. LP declares that a failure as Doofus finally realizes that Von Geezer was right in him being stupid. So Doofus does the old Kit Cloudkicker trick by putting his arm between the bars and into the keyhole lock of the cell and then opens the cell doors. Everyone runs out and here comes the two guards again with new clothes and laser guns.
So Launchpad presses the up button on the cell door (without a key I might add) and the Robot of Doom comes out forcing the heel guards to bail stage right and out of the prison as the robot chases after them. These guys must be shameful aliens if they are afraid to show off their pink under suits again. We then cut to some buzzing alarm as Launchpad and Doofus run towards the space building. Again; these goofs should be dead since there is NO AIR on Mars. The goofs with attitude hide inside the green rocket ship which is really a green missile headed for earth. We cut to inside Mission Control Mars as two rocket technicians are prepping the rocket for launch and the logic break is made even MORE glaring by the fact that they are wearing space helmets. DAMMIT Ken Koonce and David Weimers; what the hell are you thinking here? The rocket technician talking here is Jerry Dexter again by the way. Launchpad and Doofus notice that it is a rocket and they run off as LP doesn't want to be fried and Doofus stops him because LP is the world greatest ASS-TRONOT see.
Doofus proclaims that they will fly the rocket back to earth and warn DASA about Ping's attack. LP gets mad because he hates living up to his reputation. I'm a little miffed that Doofus would forget that he already admitted that Von Geezer was correct about him. They climb up the rocket ladder as the guards find them from below and get off some more dialog. I guess they ditched the robot somehow. Launchpad and Doofus get in DA...HOLE which is slightly bigger this time; but the cockpit is slightly smaller so it all balances out. Doofus gets blown off and then Launchpad accuses the builders of rocket of being sadistic midgets. Paging Hornswaggle: you're needed here. Besides; we know LP is going to be the next Lucky Charms Ripoff in about three episodes from this rant anyway. The rocket ship launches into the sky with a lot of smoke and fury as the guard bail stage right to warn Emperor Ping. Knowing Ping; that is the last thing I would do. I would hang myself instead.
The pain will then be a lot less and that's saying something. Launchpad is happy because he took off and he didn't really do anything. Doofus is happy because if he misses supper; his mother will explode. CHILD ABUSER~! Nah; just kidding. So we logically head back to the throne room as the guards slap each other on who will tell Ping. See what I mean by hanging yourself first guys. So guard #2 (I guess) walks up and stammers like an idiot. Ping demands that they get them and calls them morons as guard #2 (I guess) tells him that they went into the rocket sent to destroy the Earth. That makes Ping happy as Guard #2 makes the fatal error of stepping back asking for his life will be spared. Oh; if you don't know what happens next; you have no business reading this rant. Spot gets another alien snack as Ping proclaims that this is such a nice day he is having as he laughs badly. We then cut to the green missile leaving Mars as it heads straight for Earth and that ends the segment 16 and a half minutes in. I got to say one thing: This shows just how much Out to Launch from Rescue Rangers blows goats. Seriously...
After the commercial break; we get a better shot of the green rocket heading straight towards Earth on a closer shot and then we cut back to DASA on a zoom in and then we cut to Von Geezer's assistant manning the radar and it picks up a white dot on the far right side of the screen. Von Geezer asks of it's the probe and the assistant proclaims that it's alien and moving faster. Doctor Von Geezer shows this as evidence that there are aliens from....
Staci: Don't say it...
Staci: Wrong planet B-man! And real mature Bradley!
Everyone panics inside the room (because we all know science guys cannot fight back. Dorks!) as Von Geezer tells them to call the military, the press and the White House. Everyone goes chaos and destruction as papers fly, minds are met and Von Geezer wants to sell the movie rights. See; I knew this idiot was responsible for the Hollywoodizion of Science. I just needed the episode to prove it. We cut to inside the green rocket ship as Doofus hears some ticking and wonder if it's a bomb. NO?! REALLY?! Launchpad goes over stage left and sees the thermonuclear bomb and states with great difficulty that it's a thermonuclear detonator. Same thing basically. Doofus states the obvious to him and Launchpad of course panics as the rocket heads to earth even faster now. So we go back to Duckberg and the citizens run away like scalded dogs and ducks and ham in the streets. A citizen dogsperson wearing a brown trench coat, pants and hat yells that the alien are coming and run into the hills. Which is apporos since it's Launchpad we are talking about. I don't know who he is; probably voiced by Brian Cummings I'm stabbing at. Chris Barat is no help to me on this one. The FTC Army comes in from the left pan shot with their tanks (I need a pun to offset the FCC Navy; so shoot me) as we cut back to space as the green rocket continues to drop down. They notice the rescue ship going back as Launchpad is thinking and Ronny blows a raspberry on them and then rides the ship away. I told you he was a good for nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING monkey. Doofus declares this hopeless (So much for being the fat Kit Cloudkicker) as Launchpad proclaims that he is thinking. He didn't become an ASS-TRONOT by being an idiot. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Doofus of course blows it off because DASA picked him instead of the chimp and Launchpad becomes all confused as we head to the hills as women shriek and people run away. Oh; and the church in the background has a Christian Cross plain in sight. Another reason 4Kids and Al Khan are such doofuses. Al Khan: Showing a cross on television is NOT blasphemy! Slinging insults at the church is. It's also blasphemy and racist to show a cross on fire as well. Just so you would like to know. We head inside the living room as we see Scrooge and the nephews packing stuff away for the invasion. Wow; is there some reason for the nephews to be there other than to give Russi Taylor some more cash? I mean; I can understand Scrooge being here, but the nephews got lines to speak; but Mrs. Beakly doesn't. THAT IS SEXIST! Why not just use her instead?
Scrooge throws all his money into as many hidden iron safes as he can and then blows off Launchpad for causing this. I betcha Von Geezer MENTIONED that just to piss Scrooge off too. He then orders the nephews to hide their piggy banks as well. He throws all the stuff into an giant iron safe behind the fireplace and declares that there are 45 rooms to go as the nephews bail as well. Scrooge bails as we cut back into the green rocket ship as Launchpad cannot believe this as he knew he was in trouble when he got an F on his blood test. HAHA! That must be the rare form of moron blood only in ducks. AHHAHAHAHA! I see what Drake Mallard's blood type is too. Doofus then declares that he'll find a way because he's the best. That is so hypocritical of Doofus considering that he already blew him off for being stupid in an indirect manner. Launchpad blows himself off as and idiot and sorry; but I think Bad Reflection On You is a lot better than this as Doofus proclaims that he will present Scrooge with LP in 500 pieces if he doesn't stop this missile. He has to prove that Scrooge is wrong and that LP is the best.
Mini-Editorial #1: Remember what I said in the Bad Reflection On You rant on how wonderful Kit's speech was to Baloo? How using an adult voice talent (in this case Brian Cummings) makes me feel cheated? This is a prime example of this. There is no feeling in this because Doofus is voiced by a middle age man and is a comedy character along with Launchpad. It simply doesn't work. And there is little build up or context because Doofus keeps changing the context and thus there is no pathos and no emotion out of it. Plus; this is a huge problem for DTVA in general and it leads to critics bashing Disney Television Animation because no matter how well acted the characters are; you feel cheated. That's why Kit's speech to Baloo in Bad Reflection On You Part Two worked so well. Because it was well thought out; had the time to build up Baloo's ego and deflate it; allow Kit to look like he's jealous (when he was in the right); allow Kit to save the day and Kit's speech to Baloo means something because Baloo is the best pilot in the world and that the person who voiced Kit was a child and therefore felt real. Heck it even got a twist ending in Kit getting the best navigator in the world trophy after we all thought Baloo betrayed Kit by asking for a bigger trophy. Sure it needed two parts; but it WORKED. This just doesn't.
Anyhow; back to the rant as the green rocket continues to go towards Earth (man; this is taking forever) as Launchpad asks how many tries does he get. I would say about five times at the rate we are going in this episode. You have less than four minutes left LP. Make good use of it. So we logically cut back to the pool side of Scrooge's Mansion as the nephews and Scrooge hide the statue under a cloth as Louie sees the rocket ship flying like it doesn't know where to go as the citizens of Duckberg panic again and hide under anything that can protect them. The porthole on the sewer line when the workers drops down has the black letters DWD which of course spells DARKWING...DUCK! The army commander and his men hide inside the truck and then the army races away like scalded dogs, ducks and ham. I just knew that the FTC Army was as dumb as the FCC Navy.
So we cut to the throne room as Ping proclaims on the far shot that there are only minutes left before the Earth goes boom. He even has a green alien watch to tell time; how cute. He is having fun...for about three seconds as the robot arrives and starts stealing from him again. He then kidnaps Ping and drops him into the pod and then closes it with some difficulty as Ping protests this outrage. HAHA! I see Ed Brayton is laughing all the way to the bank on that one. We cut back to the spaceship as Doofus is bawling and blowing off Launchpad for thinking that he was a hero. Oh god; that bawling is worse than Russi Taylor's bawling in Catch As Cash Can Episode 2. See; this is more evidence as to why having a child voice a child character is A GOOD IDEA! This episode is falling fast after a pretty good start to it. Launchpad gleefully blows him off for that one and Doofus bawls again as Brian Cummings acting in crying is terrible crap. God; I love Doofus Drake; but the bawling is TERRIBLE I TELL YA! And then Doofus trumps Kit Cloudkicker to infinity with this line....
Doofus: But I'm too fat....err...too young to die!
OH MY GOD! Doofus said the dreaded “d” word! QUICK! CALL CAPITOL HILL! I NEED BIG BROTHER GOVERNMENT TO PROTECT ME FROM THIS DIRTY FOUL MOUTHED KID! Or maybe not. And that my friends is the first child in DTVA history to say the word die. Kit of course did it better and said it twice; but Doofus is the first, not Kit. I did like the recoil on Doofus though so it's all okay. But his bawling is still terrible. Launchpad finally decides to be Doofus' hero lest the crying continues to annoy the living piss out of him as Doofus is glad that he's coming through. See; I knew he was faking it when his crying was sucking the meat missile with gusto. Launchpad asks Doofus to find the guidance system. Doofus and Launchpad pull out as many wires as they can as Launchpad still declares himself as an idiot. We cut to the top of the earth's surface as the rocket continues to zing and zag outside. We then cut to the pool outside Scrooge's Mansion as Scrooge blows off the aliens for taking flying lessons from Launchpad. HAHA! That is so true Scroogie.
If only you knew who was really flying. Launchpad continues to pull more wires inside the rocket of doom. Doofus looks outside as the rocket ship shows a neat visual of the city and then flies just overhead and misses the statue by about three feet. DAMMIT! I just knew Launchpad is having an off day as we cut back to inside and he finds the control which is two levers (WRONG LEVERS!) and two buttons. In other words two joysticks taped together with duct tape. Oh come on Mr. Hardcore! You knew that crack was coming since you keep telling us that the Wii is two Gamecubes stuck together with duct tape. Considering the technology of the Gamecube and how small the chip set is and the performance it does with such little power; that's pretty awesome. Compare that to the HD Twins and how bloated they are. Sorry; I'm sticking with Wii; no matter how much Nintendo has screwed themselves now. Now there is one problem: He has to land without crashing and blowing up. HAHA!
So Doofus goes to his LIBERAL BOOK OF LIES THE BLUE KIDS EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook. By the way; TMS committed a coloring error as the book should be red and not blue. To put out an alien bomb; douse it with water. Yeah right?! Like I'm buying this crap lock stock and barrel. There is ZERO way to put out a nuclear bomb with water you Fat Ass. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Launchpad loves this because he has five oceans to choose from. So which one does he choose. Let's go to the odds makers on this one:
[1.] Atlantic Ocean 4:1
[2.] Pacific Ocean 4:1
[3.] Indian Ocean 7:1
[4.] Arctic Ocean 10:1
[5.] Scrooge's Swimming Pool 1000:1
And so which one does Launchpad choose? If you said Scrooge's Swimming Pool; you win $1000 from me and give Scrooge and the nephews a long overdue bath. HAHA! The rocket destroys the pool of course; but the statue stays perfectly intact as Scrooge walks over and protests this outrage. Reporters and the FTC Army are on standby to blow the rocket sky high. The door opens and flies off the hinges and of course it smashes the statue right on cue. Now Launchpad is back in mid season form. HAHA! Launchpad comes out as I see Von Geezer watching on in the background when Scrooge states that they might be dangerous. Only to you Scrooge; only to you. Scrooge of course blows him off like a mad man and pulls his top hat down. So we go to the podium as we see a crowd of people watching from the stage as Doctor Von Geezer and his black suit science guys proclaim Launchpad a hero in thinking quickly to save Earth and mankind and gives him the highest honor in Duckberg; the Von Geezer Award. I guess this is the reward to prevent Launchpad from suing Von Geezer for lying to him about the test and about the whole mission in the first place. He pins the award on him and the crowd wants the speech.
You're going to wish you didn't go there guys as we cut to a shot of the microphone as Launchpad reads a prepared statement which includes about seven crashes ago and then rips up the speech because it's REALLY STUPID. I guess Drake Mallard wrote that one. AHHAHAHAHA! BLAM! HEE HEE! Missed me again Drake! HAHA! Launchpad thanks Doofus Drake for tormenting him with his crappy bawling. Okay; maybe not. He presents him onto the stage as Doofus is happy for the honor and he goes on stage with his cotton candy. See he believed in him when everyone thought he was an idiot. I cannot take that seriously at all. We then cut to the television screen inside the living room as everyone was watching it and the nephews even have their hats off to show respect to him. Sadly; Doofus has none because the hat is still on. Scrooge is in the green chair (minus Top Hat) as he apologizes to Launchpad for calling him stupid. As much as I think Scrooge is indirectly responsible for this rocket ship even going to Mars; he really doesn't have to apologize since Launchpad did crash the helicopter in the pool and cause great damage. I see Von Geezer is with them as Launchpad seems happy that Scrooge means the apology too. I guess Scrooge doesn't want to get sued too; even though it would likely be thrown out anyway. And then Scrooge blows him off for the swimming pool and Launchpad runs away like a scalded duck upstairs. HAHA! Scrooge follows him as Von Geezer tells him to ease up because Ronny is gone see. Von Geezer then asks what happened to Ronny anyway.
So we go back to the City of Mars as the aliens all hail the new ruler of Mars and if you cannot guess who the new ruler is; you have no business reading this rant. Everyone is happy inside the throne room as Ronny is the new emperor of Mars. That role seems to suit him well I might add as Ronny scratches himself on the throne chair as Ping's Mother blows off his son naturally. So we cut to the space sky as the robot is flying away from Mars and Ping is inside protesting this outrage and wants out. Von Geezer's record player plays again (must be a timing record player I see) as it gives greetings to the people of Pluto. HAHA! Ping blows it off because he hates dogs. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Considering his species that is so ironic. So as you can see; Double Or Nothing wasn't the only one to get away with that spot. This is just some fanboys thinking that Ducktales is the better series and not putting critical thought into anything. Ping continues to bang on the window as we cut to outside as the space ship drives away stage right to end the episode at 21:07. Very good start; good middle; poor climax; good finish. Again; the whole Doofus/Launchpad interaction near the end was a bane for me in this one. At least the logic and animation was excellent and certainly was a lot better than Out to Launch; that is for sure. *** ¾ (75%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; the first “Scrooge fires someone and Aliens Attack” plot line is in the books and it was a pretty good episode for the most part. I found it more entertaining than Out To Launch by a mile mainly because it made total sense to the context of the episode rather than two chipmunks unintentionally getting into a rocket ship. It also was a lot less boring than Out To Launch as well; with almost zero logic breaks and very good animation from TMS (probably one coloring mistake). However; it could have been so much more. The first two acts of Doofus and Launchpad were excellent; but once Doofus started being hypocritical; it went south for a while. I just couldn't take the BSOD quick sequence seriously because there is no comedy or sympathy to be had. Doofus' crappy bawling made it much worse. Again; this is a strong case as to why build up and context is so important; plus it makes Magon's decision to use real child actors look like the right one in hindsight. Other than that; the episode was really good.
I thought Von Geezer was just another stereotypical doctor who had some odd methods of who should qualify. His assistant was all right and while I cannot stand Ronny; he did play the role really well as the dickish heel. Ping wasn't so good as I couldn't take him seriously with the purple clothes and his recycled Middle Eastern Sam Crocodile Pit spot from Bugs Bunny. I liked the Stealing Robot of Doom and everyone else was pretty much nothing. Launchpad and Doofus were Launchpad and Doofus; with some good interaction and Scrooge of course was pretty much himself; except for the chase ending after the swimming pool incident; which LP had coming anyway. Overall; this episode is a most more entertaining space episode which just goes to show you the cracks in the armor of the Rescue Ranger fans in reasoning. Next up is Scroogerello which is I believe the first reality bending episode of DTVA. I think this is where Darkwing Duck was forced to go to the well. At least this one has only a few characters and all of them are voices I have already reported on so it should go easy. So....
Thumbs in the middle pointing up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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