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I Didn't Know Scrooge played Go in his life....
So our next episode in the box is from what I read from the summary is a reality-bending episode in the vein of Alice In Wonderland. If so; then why not use Scrooge In Wonderland or Looking Through The Money Lens as an episode title? Oh well; let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode was written by John Pirillo. The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron and the teleplay is done by Evelyn Gabai. John Pirillo's IMDB script reads almost exactly like Cherie Dee's in terms of resume. Evelyn started in the early 1980's writing episodes for Ruby Spears and Hanna Barbera before writing for Disney Television animation. Evelyn most recent credits include Betsy's Kindergarden Adventures and X-Men Evolution. Really nothing unusual in terms of resume.
We begin this one at Scrooge's Mansion as Scrooge is sneezing and having some cold. We zoom in and cut to the dining table as we see the nephews and Webby being concerned about Scrooge's health and his sneezing as Scrooge sneezes through a cloth napkin which so happens to have a golden dollar sign on it. With all the swine flu going on (and the accusations that I got it on Canada Day) Scrooge needs to go to bed right now. Mrs. Beakly does her awesome impression of being a stone statue until Scrooge proclaims that he's not sick and Mrs. Beakly checks the head with her backhand and he is burning up with Gold Fever. Thankfully; it's not Gold Fever or we would have huge problems if you catch my drift. Huey then cracks an egg and it fries like one on his head as Mrs. Beakly blows him off for doing it. Now THERE'S a better way to find out if you have a fever. And boy does Scrooge have one. I'm certain my fever could fry an egg; only I could fry it on my arms too. Seriously; it was so bad I thought that I was a stove and was dying. Scrooge sneezes the egg and call this nonsense as he want to go to his money bin.
Scrooge gets up and the boys go all Uh-Oh on us. Scrooge in his purple night gown and purple slippers (Is he giving Drake fashion tips or something?) walks so dizzy that I'm questioning that he has a fever. Sounds like H1N1 Alcohol Syndrome to me. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... The nephews manage to restrain him before he falls out of an open window. Now who in their right mind would keep that window open so much? Unless Webby was going to play Danger Woman and Molly's show has to be at least 40 years old by now. Scrooge sneezes as this proves more and more that Scrooge is sick. Man; he sneezed RIGHT IN LOUIE'S KISSER on THAT one! Scrooge blows them off because he's sick of hearing that he's sick. And projection wept tears of joy on that one. The nephews pull him away stage right for his own good. Just not good enough for Mr. Hardcore. That would mean Scrooge would be poor see.
So we go into Scrooge's bedroom and Scrooge's bed as Scrooge is lying down sick with an ice pack on his head and a thermometer in his mouth. That indicates that you are sick in the cartoon world see. Scrooge struggles like mad as the sacks of money drop out of the bed and Mrs. Beakly threatens to throw all his MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH if he doesn't cooperate. Now there's ONE WAY to get him to shut up. Too bad that will NEVER work on Drake Mallard. Duckworth takes out the thermometer and he is still hotter than any sexy person on the planet right now. Scrooge blows them off as he has reached his boiling point. Geez Scrooge; you are also running a high case of being overbearing here. Duckworth then brings out the cod liver oil (believe me; that would NEVER work in real life) as Scrooge blows him off (remembering to swear in DUBBED SCOTTISH STYLE to boot) for trying to poison him. HAHA! I agree; Cod Liver Oil is terrible, crappy and totally pointless.
Duckworth pours some of that stuff in the spoon and Scrooge backhands the spoon and the stuff goes in Duckworth's face. Scrooge laughs at his expense of course as I ponder the point where Duckworth is going to snap. It's nice to see that they are building this well too. Mrs. Beakly then gets all mother hen on him as if he drinks down the liver oil he can watch One Duck To Love as she turns on the conveniently placed television set on the dresser (Huh? Scrooge watch soap opera's? Yeah right?!) and he gets a spoon full of cod liver oil for their troubles. Scrooge is PISSED OFF now as he whips the blanket and everyone goes flying with pretty good bumps onto the floor as Scrooge blows everyone off for meddling in his affairs. Scrooge sneezes again and admits that he is a wee bit rundown and then blames everyone for it. After that performance? Yeah right?!
Webby then comes into the room with the big ass soup of doom and trips on the sack of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH and the soup goes flying and lands right on Scrooge's belly. HAHA! That's Webby's version of a hot mustard blanket. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Scrooge thankfully doesn't blow her off as Webby apologizes. See; this is why Scrooge is so pissed off. Webby at least said her sorry; even if it was in the wrong context of course. Webby then comes back with the pink book and proclaims that she'll read a fairy tale called Cinderella. Scrooge does the Gruffi pose to annoy me as he wants to be gagged with a tongue depressor. Okay; now this is going to be fun. Webby's voice is causing Scrooge to toss and turn in his bed as Webby is just plain tormenting him with the story. Because it makes him look bad since he is like a wicked stepmother in this scene see. Perfect symbolism without the verbal cues. Why can't new shows realize that kids are NOT retards? They may not be adults yet; but treating them like retards is going to cause huge problems with your shows being timeless later on. Plus; it's damn insulting to adults and parents alike. So Scrooge suddenly goes to sleep and then Webby's voice echoes as Scrooge changes clothes on the fly (from the purple robe and slippers into his normal clothes only more torn as he flies into the fairytale book as it's no longer Cinderella; but Scroogerello. Oh; this is going to be fun. Please don't screw this up; that's all I ask.
Scrooge then appears in front of an old house and goes head first with a decent bump into a bucket of water. Not nearly as sick as Baloo's head shot; but still pretty good. And then we hear the Beagle Boys shout out to Scrooge (which I will call because it's easier and he's the focus character anyway). Scrooge un-pops the bucket of water as we see Burger, Big Time and Bugle/Bebop (depends on what the writers were on when doing this episode) on the deck on the second floor. It's Bebop this time around as he is in a white suit and pants as he orders Scrooge to shine his shoes so he can dance. I don't know; his break dancing skills around the swirl pole look really good without the shine. He then throws all the shoes which may or may not be left over from Scrooge's Pet and throws them onto Scrooge; burying him into a shoe tomb. HAHA!
Yeap; this is our first reality bending episode. Unlike Darkwing Duck though; the writers could get away with it without the pressure of writing it for the sake of getting the show over since Ducktales is already way over without it. Big Time throws the sack right onto Scrooge and it explodes into a sea of crap. Scrooge pops up and realizes that he'll never get this path cleaned as we go to the gate and see Flint walking in as he's the wicked stepfather. Geez; you couldn't write irony like that anymore and not boo the heels out of the building for. Today; Flint would be cheered and SCROOGE would be the heel on the count of irony. And of course Flint casually ignores Scrooge and walks over the pile remembering to stomp on his head for good measure. Scrooge's nightmare; or Flint's wet dream? I cannot tell anymore. Flint blows him off and Scrooge agrees to clean it up. Yeap; this IS Flint's wet dream come true as Flint blows him off for being lazy.
Scrooge groans that he has to finish cleaning up the step as we go to the house (which has boarded up windows natch) as Flint explains to the Beagle Boys that there is the Pick-A-Prince Ball tonight. Huh? Ducktales?! Doing a gay themed episode? Where is the SB&P guys when you need them?! And why am I loving this idea for some reason? Oh wait; it's a ball where Princess Goldie gets to pick his prince; my mistake. Yipppeeee! Goldie's back for real as Scrooge goes to the water fountain and pours some water into the bucket as Scrooge groans about that one. Scrooge puts the bucket down and climbs up as he wants to know what these wicked stepbrothers are up to as Big Time blows off his tuxedo and we cut to the window shot to see Scrooge peeping like a peeping tom as Flint explains that he's proud of them as they are all wearing black tuxedos. Except for Bebop who is wearing all white, DUH! Flint wants the boys to charm Princess Goldie. Flint wants to knock off the royal treasury while the charming goes on. On second thought; this IS Scrooge's worst nightmare come to life.
Bebop does his funny dance in front of the brothers (and heelish father) and drops something which we don't see as Flint is so happy to have sons like his. Bebop does some more goofy dancing as they are going to steal her heart and wallet. Scrooge doesn't like this one bit as they are vile fiends in his eyes. Well; vile is really evil spelled sideways so it's perfectly apporos. Scrooge wants to go warn the princess; but he of course loses his balance and screams loudly and drops with a wussy bump into the wheelbarrow as we see logic break #1 for the episode as somehow the Beagle Boys manage to provide the wheelbarrow and show up within about four seconds. I know this is a dream; but COME ON! Show some logic in your dreams guys. It makes it more believable. Even Scrooge is questioning the logic of that spot calling them speedy devils. Big Time mocks his brudder so to speak and I wonder just how sick Scrooge has to be to be related to THEM in any direct way? They throw Scrooge into the CELLAR FROM HELL as Scrooge takes some wussy bumps in the process down the steps and then they slam the door with about six doors recycled from Bugs Bunny including the dreaded safe. Oh; and Burger commits a CONTINUITY ERROR since he should be wearing a black mask anyway. Big Time's mockery is lame by the way.
So we see Scrooge down on the cellar floor as we pan left to the nephews in their Junior Woodchuck hats cleaning shoes as they explain that they were locked up because Burger got heartburn when the nephews were selling Junior Woodchuck Cookies. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess Burger has an acid reflux problem there. I just don't see how those cookies can give him heartburn. Gain weight like Hoppo maybe. POW! OUCH! Ummm.... At least they are wearing color matching shirts now so I can tell them apart as Louie seems to think that they are yummy. Memo to Louie: Eat one and prove your point. He drops one and of course it's so rock hard that it breaks up the floor as Dewey proclaims that they are spending their years shining Bebop's shoes. Then why was Bebop asking Scrooge to do it? Logic break #2 for the episode. Huey proclaims that this is mercy compared to him as he points stage right to a very old Duckworth holding a plate of cod liver oil and his shoes are like sandals now. His punishment is as a result of him getting cod liver oil out of kindness.
Hmmm; this whole thing sounds familiar to me. Didn't Duckworth do the same thing to Scrooge earlier? Scrooge then feels guilty about something as we head outside as Burger has the horse and buggy ready to go as he wants to get to the ball before all the food is gone. Sure; why not. Burger needs his eats after the heartburn incident with the nephews. The heels all go into the buggy and drives off as we cut to the cellar cell window as Scrooge proclaims that he doesn't care about himself as long as Princess Goldie is saved from the evil sneaky bastard heels. And then two pink wisps enter inside as Scrooge falls to a better bump off the BARREL OF LAUGHS he stacked against it earlier and the lights change to Mrs. Beakly dressed up as his Fairy Godmother. HAHA! This is a million times better than Cinderwuzzle and almost as good as Walt's version of the same fairytale. Almost. The second pink light changes into Webby who is the fairy godchild in training. Man; those outfit are so stereotypical it isn't funny. Since Scrooge is unselfish in saving Goldie; they agree to set him free as Webby pulls on the dress like Molly on speed as she wants to save him. Mrs. Beakly agrees to it calling her a talented tot. Isn't Webby a little too old to be called that? Molly is maybe young enough to be called that; but I doubt Webby is. Webby then invokes the FAIRY WAND OF SATAN on the disco shoes and they fly over and kick open the doors with the greatest of ease. I call logic break #3 for the episode since there was supposed to be a metal door in front of about six doors and they only broke down two at the most.
So we cut to outside as Scrooge thanks the fairies for their spring out and I see Mrs. Beakly's dress has changed from pink to purple. How about that?! I guess Webby's magic does have out of control properties after all. Scrooge walks off stage left to save Princess Goldie; but Mrs. Beakly uses her golden wand to force Scrooge back because no one will believe him in that torn rags he wears. D'OH! However; Mrs. Beakly has a solution (if only she didn't have a coloring changing dress?) to this problem since she is a professional fairy see. She then produces a golden top hat and puts it on Scrooge's head as his clothes magically turn a bright gold and his cane into a diamond wand. Now if only that wand can produce a diamond tipped saw then he is in business. Scrooge then tries to turn around and leave (Sound familiar?); but Webby uses her hand to stop him because it's her turn to help him. She then uses the wand to turn the nephews hard cookies into a limo with Huey turning into a limo driver. Somehow; this is one step down from his previous job of cookie selling so color me unimpressed. And somehow; my DVD is skipping. Not nearly as much as Quack Pack's; but the stop and go does exist. I also sense logic break #4 for the episode as Huey the limo driver was changed to blue. Shouldn't that be Dewey since he wears blue? Man; these writers cannot seem to get the CONTINUITY straight even when you CAN tell them apart. Huey and Louie are the backups in case funny business occurs. Scrooge and Webby step into the cookie box limo (seriously; that is so weird.) and we head off as Scrooge laughs it up since he gets to step on those stepbrothers.
So we head to the castle (complete with weird gate that looks like something out of a Mickey Mouse cartoon. Oh wait...) as we head in to see the ducks and dogspeople inside having a good time inside the throne room on the far shot while Ride of The Valkyrie music is playing. We then see Reggie (I guess Bushroot's original dream was to be in real estate) in a black tuxedo as he blows off his real estate business and get into plastics. That makes him voiced by Brian Cummings by default. Strange that Chris Barat missed that one since he clearly states his name. He is dancing with Princess Goldie who so happens to still be wearing the same outfit that she usually wears in these male to female situations. Minus her blunderbuss of course. Reggie's dancing is good; but Golide is bored to the gills as we cut to the hiding place as Big Time wants to cut in; so he brings out his stick and Reggie trips (Bastard!) and falls allowing a dogperson in a black tuxedo to cut in before Big Time. HAHA! So much for that plan. Golide is still bored as she swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (shoot) since she has been dancing all night and hasn't found her prince. Except that it was still daylight outside. Logic break #5 for the episode nearly eight minutes in.
The dog face gremlin (who so happens to have the cutest face an adult could have without someone beating it in) happens to be in the shoe lace business. That makes him Frank Welker by default as Goldie is so bored. We then cut to Burger standing around doing nothing but watch as Bebop does his usual goofy dance. So far he is the most interesting dancer in the room by default which I'm sure has Goldie so amused. NOT! Bebop proclaims that there are too many geeks around. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Psychological projection much there Bebop? Big Time proclaims that it won't be for long and they all snicker as we cut to more dancing and the king of this outfit is none other than Gyro Gearloose. HAHA! That has to be a slap in the face to Scroogie. We then cut to the buffet table with gravy and pink jelly just ready for the food fight that I'm sure will follow. We then see a Scrooge look a like (only about 20 years younger) watching on as Burger comes up from behind and slams his head right into the gravy bowl. HAHA! Burger takes a bite of coconut cream pie on the left pan shot and then slams an old duck's face (purple suit) right into the pink punch of doom. See; Burger is a generous guy. He only ate 1/6th of the pie and gave all to the other two losers. He makes Hoppo look like a greedy ass. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... And a third one get dumped of course just to make Burger look even more generous. HEE HEE! See; Burger doesn't have to be the bump machine all the time you know.
So we cut to the entrance as we see a Laurel and Hardy duck look a likes dressed in suits as Big Time blitzes and they get pushed out of the window. Now that is being a bastard and a half. We then cut to the fountain and Bebop shoves another duck (the same one who get apple dunked by Burger. Must be his twin brother.) into the fountain. I'm stabbing that all of them are voiced by Frank Welker and will likely return later on since this is a corrupted version of Cinderella; only less corrupt than CinderWuzzle. Everyone gets thrown out of the window (man; these Beagle Boys are murderous bastards considering the height of the castle) as we cut to the throne as Gyro stands up (even his crown has props on the pointed ends!) and he tells Goldie that he has made something for her wedding day. We then cut to a sling shot on a wagon which contains some hands, a pumper and some rose wine. I think. He calls it an automatic bouquet thrower. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! I wish he would invent a perfect husband; just to see Goldie's reaction to it. It works too; much to my surprise. Goldie is bored as all the yahoos are out. Sadly for her; Flint, Bebop, Big Time and Burger are not as they waltz in snapping their fingers and acting like dicks. Gyro sees this as money and wants to strike up the band as Bebop enters with his usual spiel as he'll dance with her until she drops. That's what I'm and she is afraid of Bebop. They dance around and Bebop's classical dancing sucks as Goldie takes a really sick bump into the glass bowl of fruit salad. OUCH! That is going to leave a mark. On the fruit salad. Burger takes her hand as the food goes flying and Goldie calls this waltzing in a cheap cafeteria. HAHA! The music stops and Burger asks where is the movie? Huh? Explain THAT one kids!
Goldie then gets all giddy as she sees a hunk of a duck. I betcha it's Scrooge and Flint thinks that it is him. I check the DVD....Not quite; but close as the anime heart eyes come out (oh goody; more reason to attempt to tank the show) as we go to the entrance and see Scrooge appear in his golden duds while the spotlight is on him. That is just rubbing it into the viewing public on who is the focus character of this episode; isn't it? And there are hearts in Scrooge's eyes and in the air as they embrace and somehow I don't care. It's a dream! What did you expect? They rise into the sky which breaks all logic and reason even though it is only a dream. They grab hands and start cutting a rug so to speak. This is NOT going to help the dancing animals stereotype in any way. This is why having guns in TaleSpin was a good idea despite being a total risk to Disney's image for family entertainment. Flint is not amused as this golden stranger is ruining everything. They come down as Flint has an evil MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN of his own. Goldie introduces Mr. Right to King Gyro in which Big Time blows off as the wrong time as the HORSE BUGGY FROM HELL rides in (huh? Does that logic make sense?) and steals Glodie from Scrooge's hands. King Gyro and Scrooge eat black dust just to make the situation even more grave as the buggy rides out of the castle with Bebop singing a tune to rub it in. The babyfaces all run out (except for Webby who flutters out of course) as we get a zoom out shot of the entrance to the castle to end the segment ten minutes in. Okay episode so far.
After the commercial break; we go to a dark street AFTER HAPPY HOUR (After dark) as TMS cannot decide to use hardcore lighting or cartoon lighting in this scene as the buggy rides down the street complete with golden fireflies all about. Nice effect with the whipping of the leaves on the right turn by TMS though. We then cut to inside the buggy as Goldie is protesting this outrage with the Beagle Boys, DUH! Okay; mostly Big Time as Burger eats a kaiser sandwich he probably stole from the party natch. Bebop is doing his goofy dance so Goldie whacks him with the weakest shot this side of Getting Antsy. Goldie's blow off on the Beagle Boys was a million times more effective than her weak shot by the way. Burger's sandwich gets stuffed as he eats all and thanks her for the saga advice. HAHA! I hope she didn't pay for THAT one. More weak whacking from Goldie (which is helpfully covered by the Hanna Babrera whacking sound effect) as Flint is at the front whipping the horses. Shouldn't Burger be doing this; or is this his lunch break? Man; the lightning here is pretty weird as Flint tells them to hold Goldie down. Good luck with that fools. And so; we see the COOKIE BOX LIMO OF DOOM starts gaining on them as we cut to Dewey driving the thing while Scrooge calls the heels vile villains. And to unhand Goldie of course. You know this is a dream when a ten year old child is DRIVING a limo at 55 miles per hour. I betcha he got his license from the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION too. POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book. POW! OUCH! Ummm...I guess this is my unlucky day. If that wand of Webby's did have a circle around the star; that would be a golden pentagram by the way. So the car chase continues on with the far side shot through the woods as the Beagle Boys throw various international objects on the road as Bebop's jig is really starting to annoy me now. Scrooge and Webby panic and hide as a boot and tin can nail the cookie box limo. HOW DARE THEY try to nail Webagail with garbage. Can't they see that this is only encouraging the haters even more?
Scrooge blows them off for littering. He should blow them off for desensitizing; but I doubt that anyone in the audience would get it away. Huey and Louie stand up and invoke their slingshots as they slingshot big ass chocolate chip right at the back of the buggy. And you thought Baloo's use of weapons was absurd? Big Time wonders pretty much the same thing I am now. Burger realizes this and gets knocked out good with a chocolate chunk good. Bebop then proclaims that he's out cold without a glass of milk as Flint blows off Scrooge's tactics as they near a church which so happens to not have a Christian Cross on it. Ahh; I see that BS&P finally stepped in on these religious symbols. And then the clock on the front strikes midnight and I betcha everything turns back to normal for Scrooge and company. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as Webby explains that her magic doesn't last past midnight. I guess Mrs. Beakly's doesn't either; or that's logic break #6 for the episode. Besides; it's past her bedtime by a lot see as the horse and buggy rides away as Flint proclaims that this is the way the cookie crumbles. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Scrooge proclaims that he'll find Goldie somehow as he sheds some tears. If only the music didn't have so much action; the scene would have worked.
So we go into the forest as Scrooge and the nephews walk looking defeated for some reason. Then he tells the lads to have courage as he picks up a trail of golden sequins from Goldie. Umm; check your internal logic there; there are no sequins on the blue dress. Logic break #6 for the episode. Webby flutters in as Louie proclaims that there are more woods. Webby states that she sees something and they cheer for victory. Sadly; it's more woods as she shrugs. HEE HEE! Everyone groans on cue as we walk some more and it's moring as they make it to Flint's castle (I guess the Beagle Boys home WAS their home away from home. Interesting decision there guys) which contains the bush maze that Bruinweld's castle would have. Huey goes Quackeroonie on us as Scrooge has the binoculars (in a dream?) as Scrooge doesn't know where they are; but Goldie is inside the castle as we cut to a window at the top roof of the castle as her white silk stocking are fluttering and waving hello. The nephews are just plain sick of this romance. Oh behave; all four of you! Dewey then points out the obvious to Scrooge because it's a maze see.
Then we get the TARZAN YELL OF DOOM and we see in the forest a giant frog furry who looks almost like Launchpad. Oh wait.....Yeah; this episode is getting really absurd now as Frogpad crashes into Scrooge with a wussy bump (sigh TMS) and they drop onto the ground with another wussy bump. Lilypad McQuack gets up and shakes hands with Scrooge and proclaims that this is his castle. Scrooge blows him off as a prince as Lilypad admits that he got hexed after he crashed into her shopping cart with his. HAHA! Even shopping isn't safe from Launchpad. He is trying to get the castle back because it proves his royal blood and of course the Beagle Brothers stole it from him, DUH! The ducks have a meeting of the minds with LP's ass (EWWWW!) and LP drops into the moat with a resounding splash. HAHA! He does the backstroke as he opened the door to them out of kindness like the idiot that he is (what a shock?) as Scrooge gets splashed with water on the kick. Hmmmm; this sounds all too familiar as LP is not an animal; he's an amphibian. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! LP seriously needs to study up on biology. LP jumps out and dries himself off like a dog on the nephews as Scrooge wants to strike a wee bargain on him. Scrooge wants him to help them through the green maze in exchange for the castle. Sounds fair to me. Scrooge gets wet as LP agrees to the deal.
They go through the maze as Dewey then deduces that the map is already inside the castle and LP realizes that he screwed them out of the deal. HAHA! Webby offers to magic to use her magic to get through the garden and since it's morning; it's all okay according to the logic. Webby uses her wand to turn all the plant animal statues to life and they walk away as the garden re-arranges itself according to the babyface. So we logically go to a window with a telescope as Flint blows off Webby for her dime store magic tricks. Nah; they are more like dollar store tricks Flint. You're just upset since got her magic powers back period. We then zoom out to see Goldie tied up to a chair as the Beagle Boys are behind her in their regular gear. Ah; I see Burger got his mask back too. Goldie tells Flint to say his prayers while insulting him as a sidewinder. They are going to kick Flint's ass as I laugh out loud since Goldie is the only one who can seriously kick ass and she's all tied up right now. Flint takes the lighted torch (which doesn't break logic I see) and orders the boys to lock the banshee in the dungeon. Now that is insulting to the real banshee two episode rants from now guys. At least wait until the banshee sucks before you bury her; otherwise that is just plain cold.
So the Beagle Boys leave with Goldie as Flint takes the flaming torch and throws it down onto the ground as the flames start going up and the Chia-pets squeal and squawk right on cue (Frank Welker I wager) as they stampede and everyone is forced to bail. Well; Scrooge takes his sweet time as he panics right on the fact that they shouldn't panic. HAHA! Scrooge bails stage right and it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE CHIA-PET EDITION~! The nephews run away from the flames as Webby is in tears and they ask Webby to save them as Scrooge and LP ride a red lily plant animal as the flames continue to kick us. I just cannot take this seriously as a threat. The flames yes; but the chia-animals? No way Jose. The lily spits out white hearts in some sick symbolism that I simply don't get as Webby sees it and then flutters up as she knows the magic recipe for snow. So it was WEBBY that made it snow in Cape Suzette; it all makes sense now. She invokes the FAIRY DUST OF SATAN and it snows, DUH!
So we go to the scene changer of doom as the entire castle area is made of snow and ice now. The plants freeze into solid ice as the red lily is an ice plant and Scrooge and LP fly off the thing and land with wussy bumps on the ice. Scrooge is giddy now as there is now a clear path to the castle. Everyone runs as the nephews lift Webby onto their shoulders and praise her. Nice to see the sexism doesn't exist in this world from them; even though she is a stereotypical female in this dream. Webby is loving this as we cut to the mailbox in front of the castle and LP takes a sick MAN-SIZED bump off of it with his mid-section. FINALLY; a good bump in this episode. And we are almost sixteen minutes into this episode! The mailbox opens and LP checks his mail as it's all bills while Scrooge steps onto the door sideways as Goldie is in danger according to Scrooge. I somehow do not think this is possible. LP kicks the door open (of course) and everyone goes in as LP greets them to his new home. They go in and it looks kind of bland and boring as the door closes and the WHITE EYES OF DOOM appear. Ummm; shouldn't there be six pairs of eyes? Okay; there is my mistake. Huey wonders what it is as Louie orders them to get the lights as there are four sets of red eyes which indicates that the heels are on to them good. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as the lights are on and the heels have decided to play knight in shining armor. I cannot take Bebop seriously in a knight suit (and his lance) and Burger looks like a complete tool with that spike club and ax. That officially ends the segment sixteen minutes in.
After the commercial break; we return with the Beagle knights as Bebop tries to pierce Webby and Scrooge; but Webby flutters away and Scrooge dodges. Big Time has the world tiniest sword and the world's biggest yellow feather on his knight helmet. Scrooge blows them off as they cannot frighten him and then he goes all Scooby Doo on us as he plops into LP's arms because he has a magic frog see. Scrooge is completely losing it. I see the fever is starting to break judging by his eyes. Good attention to detail there guys. See; LP grants selfish wishes and cannot harm them as Scrooge, Webby and the nephews bail stage left. I just knew Scrooge would betray LP at some point. It is HIS dream you see. The Beagle Boys surround LP and then invokes the weakest Dumptruck pounding fists I have ever seen in DTVA. Everyone gives out their wishes and only Burger's wish is the best one as he wants to fry LP's frog legs. Now THAT'S thinking like a heel Burger. So Scrooge tells Webby to turn them into frogs and Webby proclaims that she'll do one better and turn them into bullfrogs as she flutters into the sky and invokes the pixie dust on them and they are bullfrogs. Sadly; they are a lot more bull than frog as Webby's magic has screwed the babyfaces. HAHA! Next time; NEVER use Wuzzle Fusion Magic. It only creates trouble. See Rhinokey. See Hoppo. POW! OUCH! Ummm...See Butterbear (she goes for her gun again)....Okay; you are not trouble at all Butterbear. None whatsoever. Pay no attention to the fat ass behind the curtain. POW! OUCH! Ummm... Please let this episode end now before my brain becomes damaged.
Webby flutters to them as LP bails stage left as does everyone else because Webby has lost it. Well; they don't call her godchild in training for nothing you know. That leads to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE FROGBULL EDITION~! So we cut to the door with silver keys next to it as Goldie does some karate moves on the door and knocks it down. Well; we can erase Goldie as a possible teacher to Drake Mallard. That's because she has good karate moves see. She then sees Scrooge running and then decides to put the door back us so she can save him see. She waits from behind the door and it opens and everyone runs and hops away while not noticing her. HAHA! You have no one but yourself to blame for that one Goldie. Goldie has that look at the screen as if she's saying: How dare you blame me for that one? And I move on....
Goldie then blows Scrooge off for being so gay (One quick hello and off he runs with the boys.). What a homophobic bigot this Goldie sister is?! POW! OUCH! Ummm....We then get them running up the spiral staircase as Scrooge wants an elevator and likely won't get one as they stop and pant before snorting forces them up again. That one is complete with Hanna Barbera looping and running sound effect. And once again; they kick up dust that doesn't exist in the castle. The final door on the roof of the castle opens and the babyfaces walk onto the roof as the last step is a doozy as Scrooge would say. Then LP busts through forcing the babyfaces to hold on to the water pipe on the roof as the heels bust through with great difficulty and then drop to their doom as they overshoot the roof and free fall down. Well; bulls are not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer; so this was to be expected. Nice to see Webby figure out THAT part of her magic. The bulls drown in the drink as everyone thinks that they are safe. For about three seconds as the pipe turns into a steel slide and they slide down into the room which so happens to contain the door where Goldie is held and they drop with wussy bumps on the floor. The babyfaces get up and hear Goldie's bad acting. They go to the door as Huey uses the keys and opens the door with them. I just knew that they would be used at some point. Goldie opens the door and blows them off good as she wants her hunk of a duck. Scrooge goes to the mirror of vanity as he cannot look like a torn down old geezer as he is a let down. Goldie calls out for Mr. Right as she and Webby go and run away from the mirror as Scrooge has probably hid behind it. Surprisely; that is not the case as we logically go to....
Outside near a statue fountain as Webby uses her magic and puts a golden top hat onto the head of the statue as Goldie appears proclaiming that she has searched the place from stem to stern and found nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! She grabs the hat as Webby explains that her only true love can wear this hat successfully. Well there are three minutes left in this episode as we cut to Gyro's castle once again as a number of people have arrived to a small brown pump tent in front of the castle as the public has gathered in a large straight line. All the top hat contestants have taken a number and are in line as Goldie and Gyro are at the table with the golden top hat ready to start the hat fitting stuff. I should point out that all the contestants are voiced by Frank Welker (minus Scrooge, Flint and the Beagle Boys of course since we all know they are going to try to fit that hat.) as Mr. T teeth contestant #1 starts up and makes it fit; but the top hat pounds on his head and the contestant does a better job in bumping than almost everyone else in this episode. Goldie grabs the hat as contestant #2 arrives who so happens to be a pig farmer dogsperson with brown hair wearing blue overalls and a blue shirt. He even brought two pigs just for the special occasion, I guess. I don't get the parody here and I betcha it fails the same way. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as the wooden clothespin makes the pain even worse for him. See; rednecks and golden top hats don't mix at all.
Best bumping ever in this episode as #2 gets spun away and thrown into the top of a tree. The birds fly away as Goldie gets the hat back and it's #3's turn (#103 in this case) as it's the duck from earlier in the episode who get his face smashed into gravy by Burger. He almost looks like Fenton Crackshell. Almost. Sadly; we don't get any funny stuff as we cut to the tent AFTER HAPPY HOUR as the final guy to try it out who is a yellow chicken in a blue tuxedo with a bag of popcorn in his hand. I'm amazed that he waited so long and STILL have a full bag of popcorn left. He tries and fails of course as even the top hat is losing steam at this rate. Goldie proclaims that he loses out and the chicken eats some popcorn admitting that he was really waiting to see a movie. HAHA! So Goldie decides to take her act on the road for this one...
So we go to morning as Goldie (with golden top hat) walks in the streets calling for Mr. Right as we cut to the Beagle Boys' house as Scrooge has found his good suit and he closes the door behind them. I guess the Beagle Boys are dead right now due to drowning. Hey; it's a dream so it's doesn't break BS&P. Goldie then spots him and runs in taking the torn top hat from Scrooge's head and then putting it on as Scrooge turns back into Golden Scrooge as Goldie asks for his hand in marriage and Scrooge accepts the deal of course. They go for the kiss which would end the episode in any other universe; but here come the Beagle Boys and Flint as they wonder why they are back to normal. Big Time answers that one by proclaiming that they found an ugly princess who'll kiss anyone on the first date. EWWWWWWWW! Bebop does his usual dance of course just to make sure he didn't pound the gimmick down into the ground enough already. Burger grabs Goldie and then Flint goes over to Scrooge and puts a flour bag over his head as Scrooge screams no over and over which indicates that the fever has fully broke and the dream sequence is officially over. DAMMIT! I wanted to see Scrooge being killed by something. Oh wait...a plastic bag over his head. Okay; that'll do nicely. I smell Toon Disney cut here.
So we return to Scrooge's bed as Scrooge is kicking as many feather from his bed as humanly possible screaming for Goldie as Mrs. Beakly and Duckworth run in to tell him that he was having a bad dream. They check him out as his pulse is normal, breathing is normal and his temperature is normal. In other words; the ending was nothing more than his fever finally breaking. He is going to be well again; and probably a week sooner than me. And then Duckworth and Mrs. Beakly panic and back up to the wall thinking that he is going to diss them again for being mother hens on him. Scrooge then goes over to them and breaks logic again as he's now wearing his purple robe with purple slippers again after wearing a red robe when he was sleeping. He thanks them and questions his monster ways earlier. He thanks them for their service and hopes to do this a lot more often. Duckworth and Mrs. Beakly thank him for it. The nephews and Webby have a bonding moment together with Scrooge and he thanks them for his road to recovery.
Well; at least he's not thanking God for his recovery. Yet. He's grateful that he has great servant to take care of him because he is not easy to be around when sick. Louie check's Scrooge's head wondering if he's all right. Scrooge then stands on the bed and proclaims that he is taking them to the best hamburger stand in all of Duckberg. Webby is giddy as she wants to order some fries and Scrooge agrees to that and even order hamburgers. Everyone cheers for victory on that one as they bail stage left. So we cut to Scrooge goes over to his dresser drawers (which has a small statue of Goldie on it) and takes out as he kisses his finger and delivers it to the statue as he proclaims that magic like that can only happen in fairy tales. Don't be so sure about that one old man. Your day is coming soon as TMS insults me again by having the top hat magically appear on the shelf. I think Scrooge was trying to find it; but the hat suddenly appears in the wrong spot and it makes it look quite awkward. Scrooge walks away as the golden light shines and the top hat turns gold as the Goldie Statue looks at me to end the episode at 21:14. Man; for a reality bending episode there was a hell of a lot of bad logic and blown spots by TMS. A decent episode otherwise. *** (60%).
Errata: This episode was animated by Wang Films/Cuckoo Nest Studios. That explains the poor logic breaks and animation blow ups really well doesn't it.
THE REVIEW LINE
This was yet another decent middling episode that could have so much more if Wang Films would put their Jolly Molly Christmas performance on instead of their Short Order Crooks performance as there were logic breaks out of the wazoo along with terrible coloring and animation mistakes that didn't quite make sense. I did like the parody of the tale; although I'm sure WDFA fans will not like it one bit knowing their purists tastes. I still feel Goldie is quite weak outside of her good karate skills; but Launchpad as a frog was really good; Webby was pretty good and the Beagle Boys and Flint do a great job being heels. I did like the Wuzzle Bull Frog fusion sequence as they had to find some way to screw Webby up somehow to prevent her from becoming a super feminist. Everything else is pretty much a paint by the numbers parody of Cinderella which is better than any attempts by the Wuzzles to do Cinderwuzzle. I just wish Wang Films wasn't so crappy here. Although the plastic bag over Scrooge's head was also pretty creepy considering how WTBS execs got spooked when Terry Funk did the same thing to Ric Flair during a Clash of Champions wrestling event back in 1989. So; next up for Ducktales is a pretty historic one as we connect Ducktales' roots with Darkwing Ducks roots: the first ever televised battle between SHUSH and FOWL. So......
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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