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Luck O'The Ducks
You Have To Be Lucky When A Leprechaun is around.
Oh boy; here comes one of those episode plot lines that left me a bad taste in my mouth (The Last Leprechaun from Rescue Rangers anyone?) . On the one hand; Launchpad is supposed to be the focus characters here, on the other hand the last one had Dale as the focus character and it really fell flat. So let's rant and find out shall we...?!
This episode was written by Michael O'Mahony. The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Patsy Cameron. Michael O'Mahony has a really juicy resume compared to the others I have seen so far. It almost reads like a TaleSpin freelancer: Ripley's Believe it or Not, Holy Water, Highlander, Dog Tracer, The Busy World of Richard Scary, Young Robin Hood (Nelevana Freelancer Alert!) and he was even a zombie in Shaun of the Dead. Yikes! And when in doubt; write an episode for Captain Planet of course.
We begin this one at the front entrance of Scrooge's Money Bin as Webby is walking in and head into the office to inform Scrooge that she is having a few close toys over for a tea party and asks if he can come. Oh boy; can you tell what answer she gets from that? We then go over to Scrooge and the nephews trying to open up the world most secure wooden box in DTVA history. And of course the answer is no. He's up to his beak in money making scheme. Man; that is so obvious that he sounds like a heel. No wonder Nightflight thinks that Disney would make him into a heel today. Webby calls it a free tea party. As if that makes it so special Webagail. How about a tea party where you pay $5 for Scrooge to come and I betcha he goes for it. He pulls out the nails and I swear to god that one of them is going to nail Webby right in her eye one of these days. Unless the animators screw it up of course. See Scrooge is opening up his first shipment of Irish linen which basically gives away the storyline right in advance. At least three minutes or so before you do that Scroogie. He cannot wait to see happy customers and happy Scrooge eyes turning into dollar signs while flashing gold around his face. Man; on freeze frame; that is absolutely disturbing. Even more so since I like Scrooge McDuck. Dewey manages to pull the top of the box away with the crowbar and flops onto the ground with a wussy bump as there is some grumbling and there is a white sheet covering a leprechaun. Oh wait; I just gave away the plot line again. Geez; we're barely two minutes in and I already know what is going to happen. This episode better be entertaining because I HATE this plot thread. The Hornswaggle ripoff midget is upset to being called an animal and wants to caramelize every one of them. So caramelization is from Ireland? Well; live and learn unless you are a writer who has an Irish last name. Then you just become the world most blandish freelance writer.
Webby then states the obvious and claims that it's cute. I agree since Hornswaggle is such a Little Bastard (which is what he was called before he became Vinnie Mac's illegit son.) as he threatens to do an Irish jig on their faces. Which is apporos since that's the only remotely threatening weapon I can take seriously from this loser. Sadly; he drops down with a wussy bump from the box and then enters into the vault which Scrooge panics. No really; I'm as shocked as you are. He jumps off the plank and swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Sweet mother McCree – lame!) as he dives in and steals some gold coins from his hat calling it a pot of gold at the end of the giant rainbow. Scrooge blows him off to keep his heads off his MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. The midget responds that he didn't say anything about hats; even though he used his hands to put it in such hat. I can never understand the logic of Irish midgets. Scrooge and the nephews dive in and in a scene that contradicts the logic they were shooting for; the nephews dive in as if the gold was water like Scrooge's. I thought we proved in Golden Suns episode #5 that the nephews cannot do that spot? Logic break #1 for the episode 2 and a half minutes in as we see Scrooge and the midget back up and Scrooge is in a bathing suit. Okay; how does he manage to keep his bathing suit in there? It's constant with the logic from Golden Suns episode #1; but it is still silly just the same. The midget spits gold coins at Scrooge and that knocks his top hat off which gets Scrooge really pissed off. Webby pleads for him not to hurt him because he's like her. Sorry Webby; I'm not buying that one since he's a piss ant and you are not.
Webby dives in and it's off-screen where she lands so who knows if she's breaking logic or not. Besides; we haven't seen Webby dive into money before anyway so she's safe. Then it's a BUGS BUNNY SPOT OUT OF CONTROL as Scrooge and the nephews surround the little moral and physical Irish midget. Louie and Huey mange to dive in to do their Bugs Bunny spot and grab onto....they think it's the midget; but it's really Webby's ankles. HAHA! Oh; like they DIDN'T plan that to occur; no siree. Thankfully; Webby successfully grabs the midget. The midget seems pleased to see Webby doing this since that means Scrooge cannot hit him without Webby getting into the way. Damn; I hate that midget already; just for hiding behind someone's skirt like the coward that he is. The midget proclaims on the left side that it's the Irish monster King Kong and then dives from Webby's hands into the gold as everyone MADE THEM LOOK! Scrooge is not amused by that and then he hears something and dives into the gold coins as well sneaking around for something. The evil music tells me that either someone is coming; or the midget is playing tricks on us. I'm going to take the latter knowing this plot thread. Scrooge swims around as Huey explains to Webby that Scrooge is checking to see if he lost some money and indeed he did as he complains about losing his favorite $200.26. HAHA! Mr. Krabs wishes he was Scrooge McDuck methinks. So we logically go to....
….the scene changer as the Irish Midget runs away and hitchhikes on the back of a bus. He then sing songs Scrooge off; but the smoke chokes him good (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, MOVIE RATING AND QUACK PACK EPISODES!). The cobble stone road then bumps the bus good and the Irish Midget goes flying; taking some really good bumps onto the road in the process. If he's going to be a bump machine only; then that is the best that I can hope for in this episode. Then the cars start as if they are in the Daytona 500 and the Irish Midget has to dodge them as he calls them giant metal monsters. That allows Webby to make it to the sidewalk as she proclaims that they need to save him and Scrooge agrees with her because he wants him hauled off to jail where he belongs. I agree with both; just because I'm a sadist and death is not enough for this loser. I want him to REALLY suffer in prison see. He then runs into the construction working site and there is a lot of jack-hammering (how ironic that we get all that in new shows?) as the Irish Midget proclaims that it is the end of the world. If only for you, if only for you. The jack-hammering dogsperson (with brown mustache and workman's gear) continues to jackhammer the point down on him (making him the most over character in the episode thus far) as the Irish Midget dodges more stones and a pop can just to make him look more weak. The nephews and Scrooge follow and dodge the cement truck's pouring of cement.
The midget sits down on a steel pipe proclaiming that he'll never steal from Scrooge again and Scrooge quickly swoops in and grabs him. He calls this very uplifting and I betcha the steel pipe lifts into the air on cue. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. They play see-saw as the nephews and Webby have the blanket which I doubt ever works in real life. Even more so when the combine weight of them is about 130 pounds. Scrooge and the midget fall and Scrooge get caught while the midget bounces into the back of the cement mixer truck and gets cemented. HAHA! Now explain to me how that logic works that Scrooge doesn't bounce; but the midget does even though real life physics wouldn't have that happen. Unless he had a ROIDED super ball up his ass. I hear Larson and Gary were the inventors of the super ball too. The midget falls through the cement slide and down onto the ground in which Scrooge uses his cane to pop the midget out as he coughs and sputters.
Webby of course is the bastion of kindness and proclaims that he's safe now. If only Webby; if only. The midget sobs because he was scared since he was away from home so much. That is so lame as he shakes hands with Webby as the cement just slides off his body beforehand. How about that. His real name is Fardoragh (Chris Barat has him as Fardarrig and is voiced by Frank Welker) and Webby is beautiful according to him. Scrooge introduces himself and Fardarrig is under arrest. I'm using Chris Barat's name of the character because it's easier to spell. Scrooge grabs him almost by the neck as Fardarrig pleads for mercy because he has only a few more hours to live. I disagree; his character was dead the moment I saw him. He's just flogging the dead horse now. Webby grabs him back because he's sick see and Scrooge grabs him back since the county jail will take good care of him. I agree; it might save his character to drop the Irish Spring so to speak. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.... Scrooge gets his coins back and Fardarrig blows him off for accusing him of being a thief. He did it to buy Webby a new doll see. Riiiiiggggggghhhhhtttt. Are you on Candid Camera or something?! Webby is delighted as she grabs Fardarrig back and offers him a free tea party at the mansion. Well; it cannot be any worse than prison rape for it so you know Fardarrig is going to accept. I just find it hard to believe that Webagail would fall for something so obvious. Scrooge of course is mad as hell as he gets the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS to amuse me some more.
So we logically head to the dining room as Scrooge, the nephews, Webby and Fardarrig are having a tea party just for Webby's amusement. Fardarrig is eating all the cookies on his plate on the table in rapid fire. Wow; so this IS a legit tea party, minus the political issues and brithering. And Huey makes sure to say Quackeroonie again to show that we are in Ducktales. Scrooge then steals from his pocket and there are more coins that he stole from Scrooge. Fardarrig claims that he wanted to bring home some crumbs for his 25 brothers and sisters. Man; they are either starving or are rich. I cannot tell at this point. The nephews giggle on that one as apparently they all live in one room. And they only eat one potato a day split between the 25 of them. Riiiiiggggghhhhhtttt. Can you smell the sad heel coming out of him; or do I have to spell it out for ya? Kit Cloudkicker would MAUL this guys ass. At least Kit has a case of doing that promo. He's sick of French Fries. This guy discriminates against French and Belgium folks that it's not even funny. Frank Welker's acting is pretty good though; but it only makes the story even more silly in hindsight. He also blows him nose off-screen which is funny considering that Oscar Vandersnoot did it on screen and with a curtain to boot. Webby feels sorry for him. I feel sorry for Webby having to put up with this crap; seriously. Can we please get Launchpad involved now?
Scrooge is not amused as the nephews laugh their asses off because he is a riot. I agree with them. I cannot take this guy seriously. Scrooge blows him off as I say: If Scrooge ever saw Kit; he would say the same thing about Scrooge too. Webby calls him a poor pixie who needs help. Riiiigggghhhhttt! Fardarrig offers Webby to visit the Emerald Isle in Ireland and call him Princess Webby. That is the kind of buttering up she DOESN'T need guys. Fardarrig drinks some orange juice from his tea cup (like Webby would ever drink orange tea in her life...please) and he explains that it has castles in every corner. Well; that is true so at least Fardarrig is now going for half truths to save him from prison rape. There is a secret cavern known only to leprechauns and it's filled with jewels and gold beyond your wildest dreams. This is sounding like Polly Wants A Treasure to me. Except that one was awesome because of one spot. I'll explain it when we get there. Scrooge isn't amused until the gold part and his eyes register black dollar signs. Oh boy; I think we know what Scrooge is going to do now. Scrooge then decides to play some mind games on Fardarrig as he accuses him of being a liar because legend has it that it can grant wishes too. Scrooge has his mythology mixed up here for some odd reason. Fardarrig is pissed off on the baloney part and proclaims that the mythology is true. So he's a genie as well as he throws him hat down and proclaims on the small tea table that if you save his life he'll grant any fairy wish he pleases. And then he covers his mouth and realizes that he has been duped as Scrooge demands a fairy wish because he saved him fair-y and square-y. How about preventing anime purists from complaining about rhyming as a starter? Oh wait; then how am I going to mock them then? On second thought; wish for money and jewelry as you usually do Scroogie. Pay no attention to the ranter behind the curtain.
Scrooge dances an Irish Jig to annoy him as Fardarrig asks what that little wish be making sure to say every contrived word possible to annoy me. Scrooge continues to dance on the far shot stating and he'll tell him once they make it to the Emerald Isle. So that logically leads us to the skies and the clouds as we are in an airplane that is green all over outside as Launchpad proclaims that if you are going to a green land; might as well turn green yourself. HAHA! And we head inside as LP is flying the plane on the right side of the plane as the roads are usually reversed compared to American roads. No wonder anime purists hate dubs. LP has even dressed up as a leprechaun just for the special event. You know this episode is sucking when LP has to pull out such obvious cracks like that. Scrooge proclaims that he always felt LP should be sent to the moon. Well; LP went to Mars and back; so the moon should be easy pickings for him. LP thanks him for the wisecrack to show how dense he really is (and nothing make you more dense than dressing up for Saint Patrick's Day.). We cut to Webby sitting with Fardarrig as they see the fall countryside with a rainbow as he declares it his home. So that leads to a landing sequence as it bumps harshly and crashes into a tree in such a manly fashion and somehow it does no damage whatsoever to the plane or the paint job.
Man; LP must have that super scratch proof paint on. We then cut to the white castle as Fardarrig proclaims that this is the home of King Brian who is the richest king in the entire world. And a friend of his as well. So we pan over west to the horse buggy (recycled from Scroogerello I might add) as Scrooge, Webby and Fardarrig are sitting in front and Scrooge blows him off for lying because no king could be worth more than a few shamrocks in this one mule town. Okay; that is really insulting there Scroogie. Fardarrig gets the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS on that response and Scrooge proclaims that he'll believe it when he sees it and swims in it. So we logically head inside the lucky room as Scrooge (in his bathing suit) is swimming in gold coins which has a shamrock bridge on the side. He likes swimming in someone else's MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH too which shows that I think Nightflight has been watching the wrong episode in all of his rants. We then cut to the Irish Throne Room of Doom as Launchpad admires the golden blue cushion throne chair surrounded by golden dog statues. HAHA! He even invents the modified word of Quackeroonie with Crasharoonie before our very eyes. That sounds so fitting for him for some reason. Scrooge then plops into the chair and relaxes as this would be cozy and all he needs is a channel changer. Which a smark would kindly change the channel right on cue afterward.
Launchpad then pets the golden dog statue (what a shock?) as we cut to a room containing a cupboard filled with various crowns as the nephews try them on for size. Sadly; they are so stupid they forget to take their baseball caps off. I see the gold fever makes them forget about taking their hats off too. Webby proclaims that it's too bad Brian isn't home and Fardarrig is scared as if he was here he would say. And Brian says charge as everyone is SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to see Brain (a fat human (similar to Fardarrig only taller and fatter) riding on a white horse with a sword wearing king gear) ride in as his leprechaun friends ride in with him on horse shooting arrows. HOLY CRAP! Someone peed on them good. I knew Scrooge swimming in someone else's money was a terrible move. I just needed the evidence to prove it.
King Brian is of course voiced by legendary actor; the late Billy Barty (passed away in 2000). He has been acting as early as one years old (according to USIMDB his first role was in 1925 and he was born in 1924. Somehow; take that with a pinch of salt.) and doing mostly kid roles for various shorts featuring Mickey MacGuire (as Mickey's Brother or Billy MacGuire) and was in Alice In Wonderland (the Paramount version; not the Disney version), Gift of Gab, A Mid Summer Night's Dream, Nothing Sacred and Three Wise Fools in 1946. He then got into movies and television including The Clown, as many comedy hour shows as humanly possible, The Undead, Peter Gunn, Thriller, Jericho (1967), the Pufnstuf Movie, The Bugaloos, and other various live action comedy shows. And yes; he was on Bizarre which was one of the most bigoted shows ever made I might add. He continued to do live action movies and television shows into the 1980's including a live action version of Snow White and Masters of the Universe. Ducktales was his only DTVA credit and in fact the only other Disney credit was The Rescuers Down Under movie. I think The New Batman Adventures and ABC Weekend Specials were the only cartoons he ever did in his career. His last credits were I/O Error and The Extreme Adventures of Super Dave (figures knowing that Super Dave was a Bizarre invention gone out of the control. Really; the only classy thing John Byner ever did in my view and of course that one got the most over with the audience.).
The ARMY OF GREEN MEN (HA!) blitz and grab onto the thieves (so claims Brian) and they tie up everyone including Webagail. HOLY CRAP! I didn't think BS&P would allow Webby to be tied up that well. Fardarrig hides behind the throne like a coward; what a surprise as Brian orders his troops to throw them into the snake pit for a thousand years...and a day. Remember that one since I'll be referring to it in a few moments. LP proclaims that he's bluffing since there are no snakes in Ireland. Of course there aren't any; they all went to New York. See how easy Launchpad confuses the context of the situation? One of the leprechaun's uses a pulley system to open the cage door and we get a shot of the nasty snakes from below as Scrooge calls it a grave mistake. Webby (I cannot believe they allowed her to be tied up and dragged like everyone else. BS&P gets sacked so to speak.) tells them that they were invited by Fardarrig and they spit in his face (figure of speech of course) and then blow him off as a thief, a con artist and a rat. The leprechauns are probably voiced by Russi Taylor (for the females) and Frank Welker for the males. It's hard to tell since Chris doesn't have details on them so to speak. Launchpad proclaims that they are in trouble as I see logic break #2 for the episode as they are supposed to be about halfway from the door when they stopped and somehow they end up having LP and Scrooge about four feet away from the edge. Bad form there guys. We get one more sky shot of the snakes and we fade to black a little more than nine minutes in. And I'm nearly getting sick of this episode already! And there is a post production glitch to boot?! Why is nearly every attempt at torture end with a fade to black. I don't get it.
We then get another sky shot of the snake and then we go to floor shot as we see the babyfaces sitting on the edge. Okay; WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO ACOMPLISH HERE?! Now if the idea was to have the snakes use their tongue to tickle their feet; then this spot would work except that the snake are about 12-15 feet below the babyfaces. And LP shoes are still on. How in the world is this supposed to be torture for their crimes? Just sitting there and watching the snakes hiss? I'm supposed to take this seriously? This is a really piss poor BS&P decision if I ever saw one. I mention Polly Wants A Treasure because Luck'O The Ducks is the template to it. And I love Polly a lot better because not only was Ignatz an awesome parrot; the captured babyface got helplessly tied up and tortured allowing Sun Woo to screw up so badly making it as if someone was tickling his groin and Kit Cloudkicker laughing was so scary and awesome that it proves just how much of a talented actor R.J. Williams really is and it made us realize how much of a rookie Alan Roberts was in spite of being talented himself. Polly succeeds in making sense; this succeeds in killing the episode for me. I wanted the nephews to get tongue tickled on their feet and stop being protected by Disney and the writers refused to do it. I can understand Webby not getting it; but the nephews, Scrooge and LP? Screw them! Ironically; Polly also had a post-production glitch and sound problems during their torture sequence which was an actual tormenting sequence. And a hell of a lot funnier too in hindsight.
Brian goes to the window as Fardarrig tries to escape; but Brian grabs his ankle and throws him down onto the floor and demands answers from the infamous liar. That makes Brian the most over character in the episode; bad plot thread be damned. Fardarrig bounces off Brian's belly and admits that he had to because they were going to tar and feather him with their own feathers. Well; if that is prison rape; then he has a point even if he's crying wolf at this point. Brian decides then not to feed them to the snakes (WHAT?! That is lame to the extreme!) and instead they will have a party thrown in their honor. Oh god; this episode just made less sense now. The leprechauns boo on the snake feeding and cheer on the party. Methinks this Brian fellow is a malevolent king who is deceitful too. So we logically head to....
….The feasting room as everyone is feasting and dancing of course. Launchpad is of course doing most of the dancing and the music selection and clapping is just plain awful and LP's dancing seems extremely jarring to me. Fardarrig decides to hide behind the leprechauns and is seen trying to steal something as LP dances on the table which looks slightly better; but the banana yellow table cloth negates that somewhat. LP jumps off the table onto the carpet and finishes his jig as the crowd pops for that one. I see that it doesn't take much to amuse them. LP thanks them for having the worst clapping in the world. I concur with him too. The leprechauns blow LP's outfit off which has got to be the most absurd form of projection I have ever seen. So we cut to the table with Brian in his royal chair with Scrooge and Webby on his right proclaiming that they have never seen anything like this. I haven't and now that I have; it sucks badly. Oh man; we are barely ten minutes in and I want this episode to end now! Scrooge is looking at his diamond ring as Fardarrig is trying to sneak his hand into Scrooge's pocket and Scrooge slaps the hand away. Scrooge proclaims that he has one like it only bigger using the magnifying lens to boot.
Webby asks Fardarrig if this is nice for them to go along. I still cannot believe that Webby hasn't got it into her head that Fardarrig is the heel here. Brian blows Scrooge off because he's the richest little person in Ireland which of course contradicts what Farbarrig said. Scrooge calls himself the richest little duck in the world while they stand on the wrong part of the chairs. Jesus; even Disney Captions is screwing stuff left and right here. The blow off continues as Scrooge does the Gruffi pose to annoy me more. I can put this episode in the wee corner of hell. Does my vote count in this? Scrooge then invokes the safe midget card and he wants the golden caverns. Brian goes over to Fardarrig blows him off for losing his tiny mind since the golden caverns have been theirs since time began. Brian forces Fardarrig to the wall as he claims that he was tricked by Scrooge. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Psychological projection much there you moral midget? Would you like Irish Spring with your whine? AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...I see they have tough fists too. Sadly; law states that the wish must be granted. Unless he changes his mind of course and Fardarrig agrees to it.
So we go to a far shot of the castle AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we zoom in to Fardarrig pleading with Scrooge as he is crowned to a chair. HAHA! He gets off death reference #1 by the way; which most of it I cannot take seriously even if I tried. Scrooge and the nephews get into bed (together? I guess the Donald sleeping in the same bed with the nephews rumors are true after all. And people accuse Baloo and Kit of being gay?!) as he calls this leprechaun insurance. Webby has the rollers on her hair which is quite odd for someone seven years old in 1987. Webby calls out Scrooge on his meanness because he's her friend see. He's also a con man, a rat, a thief and probably a scumbag. Heck; even Brian is blowing him off so I think Webby should get the point by now. Scrooge tell her not to waste the time of day on this rogue and I agree with him as Launchpad comes in to chime in on his truth telling. He does some bubble blowing to waste time and amuse me and then he goes to the red carpet and trips (he's wearing just a red undersuit by the way and takes a MAN-SIZED bump on his face. HAHA!
Scrooge orders him to crash on the blue couch and LP goes to it blowing him off and then snores to annoy everyone except me. If LP was the focus character instead of being the comedy relief; this episode would be carried better. Not much better mind you; but still. We then go to the bed (ah I see the nephews are wearing matching color PJ's too) as Huey goes to LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION~...POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean Woodchuck's MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #999. POW! OUCH! Ummm..I mean Woodchuck's plan #999. This episode sucks enough already; the last thing I need to get punched in the kisser by the Barks fanboys. He brings out the golden earmuffs and they put them on because they camped with LP before. DAMN YOU WOODCHUCK! POW! OUCH! Ummm... So we cut to Launchpad on the couch sleeping and the nephews quacking as they sleep. Oh great; they even decided to screw up the ultra funny “Wah-wah-wah” spot they usually do when sleeping. This proves that no effort was made to try to get this episode past average. Make mental note on that for the Review Line at the end. We pan over to Webby on the red couch (how lucky of her?) as Fardarrig is restlessly asleep and Webby wakes up and goes over to cover him with a purple blanket. The segue to her getting her slippers on is pretty choppy to say the least. She even puts her Quacky Patch doll on his knee for good measure. UGH! No wonder Webby gets criticized so much in this series. She gets all the terrible little animal/midget tropes to play with. It's a sad commentary on why we got Gadget, Rebecca and Molly in the process and then we swing in the other direction. I hope the feminists are happy now. Fardarrig thanks her for it of course since that is all he can do. Man; this guy is more useless than Darby is. At least Darby had the magic to escape.
So we cut to an outside shot of the window as the gang keeps snoring, whistling and quacking. The quacking still stinks by the way. We then cut to a close shot of Launchpad snoring as hoof beats are beckoning and then OUT OF NOWHERE comes the HORSE BUGGY GHOST FROM HELL as we get the classy version of Dullahan (headless horseman for those who don't get the joke). You know; if he was a headless horseman; maybe using a horse's head would have made the joke stick, but it's a dogsperson so it doesn't work here. He's voiced by Frank Welker by the way. Launchpad wakes up and then runs off as he warns LP to leave Ireland or he may lose his head. May? That is lame! It should be “He will lose his head!”. Otherwise; I'm certain it's the trick of Fardarrig again. He's got a good laugh though as LP backs up against the flamming fireplace and it's GOOFY PLANE CRASHER ON FIRE~! HAHA! Good one on the ass too as the horses get scared and they gallop and disappear through the wall. At least the logic made sense as Launchpad is magically in bed with the rest as LP stammers to explain the ghost like Shaggy on speed. Oh wait....Scrooge and Webby cover him with a blanket as he is shivering and Scrooge blows it off as a dream about his life. Fardarrig proclaims that it's no dream and he better leave the country before it comes back. I cannot buy this from someone who was probably awake the whole time LP saw it. Webby goes to the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) to pack; but Scrooge stops her since the nephews are on the blue couch ready with their baseball bats, gloves and balls. I see they are preparing for the final episode of the Volume. They will be on guard for the rest of the night.
Narrator: One hour later....
We see them sleeping on the job on the couch still sucking in sleeping. At least they are in sequence this time so the suck value is reduced somewhat. We do a right pan shot and then a ghostly moan beckons which sounds like Russi Taylor doing too much whistling. Oh wait; it is Russi Taylor's voice so this must be the Banshee which appears in all of these silly leprechaun episodes. Well; at least that should get all of the characters out of the way. Huey ribs Louie and tells him to go back asleep and Louie proclaims that he is asleep. Umm; you aren't SUPPOSED to be sleeping on guard duty you morons!! The nephews get up and go to the window as they see the phantom against the moon as they blow it off because LP is better looking. I agree; that banshee sucks worse than the one in The Last Leprechaun. He comes towards them as that ends the segment for real nearly 14 minutes in. Huh? That was the real commercial break?
After the real commercial break; we get more wailing from the screaming banshee (seriously) as the nephews eyes look like they have seen a ghost. Oh wait...Fardarrig struggles in this chair; but no dice as he calls it the banshee of Loch Lomond. How sad is it when he FINALLY tells the truth and it's a lamer heel than he is?! See; she wails when something terrible is about to happen as Dewey and Louie hold each other while doing the Hanna Barbera shiver and teeth chattering sound effect. If Sun Woo was animating this; this would be a classic, but this is Wang so it's classically bad. Huey then invokes Woodchuck's plan #5079......Block the witch in the window with a big piece of furniture. Huh? I thought it was to run away. Oh screw the Junior Woodchuck's. Their ideas are like the ultimate crap shoot when they are around. So the dresser drawers get pushed right against the window. Yeah; like this is going to work on real ghosts. Scooby Doo ghosts maybe; but Ducktales ghosts? I doubt it. And it works; OH MY GOD it works. IT'S A MIRACLE! Or it's logic break #3 for the episode. The banshee drops down towards ground level as he goes into the kitchen where Dullahan is drinking tea at the table. Okay; this is completely out of place for a bunch of ghosts as they exchange notes. I call logic break #4 for the episode right there because Dullahan did succeed in scaring LP; he didn't scare anyone else and they didn't scare him. Same goes for the banshee for that matter. It was merely a logic breaking defense tactic on the nephews part. Nice raspberry from the banshee though as we see them proclaims that Fardarrig paid them (and not enough) to haunt this house good. They disappear towards the door which is the smartest thing they ever did. Even they know this episode is hopefully sucking now.
So we cut to a shelf as Fardarrig takes a really good bump into a pink bowl as Brian blows him off as a failure. Fardarrig tries to make excuses again as usual and Brian blows him off. See what happens when you cry wolf Fardarrig? The adults no longer buy into the deceptive joke. Only Webby is buying what you are selling at this point and she can only do so much to convince Scrooge otherwise. So Brian tells him to take Scrooge to the golden caverns and make sure he never comes out alive or Fardarrig will never make it out alive as they do the open cage door and sky shot of the snake pit to force the point as Fardarrig is scared stiff. Man; Brian is the only one getting over in this episode and even he can only do so much. So we logically go to the scene changer as Launchpad is now in knight gear and Scrooge are mounting on the world's tiniest horses. Huh? I thought he was too scared to continue on? And why the lame knight gear? Man; can this episode get any worse now? Webby then runs in and blows him off because he's making them give him something they don't want him too? You just NOTICED that now Webagail? Logic break #5 for the episode as Scrooge stammers on that one and completely avoids the question.
Launchpad chimes in which Scrooge thanks him for in a sarcastic manner. HAHA! Fardarrig comes in on his horse and his gallops out of the castle gates as Scrooge orders he and Launchpad to go after him. Scrooge's horse leaves; but LP's horse gets all bitchy and it's the World's Tiniest Calgary Stampede Irish Style~! HAHA! And of course Launchpad gets stuck inbetween the door; what a shock as the horse runs off. LP and Brian are the only ones saving this episode from being a DUD at this point; but again you know...The nephews try to pluck LP out of the door as we cut to the fields for the always thrilling SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE TINY HORSEY EDITION~! Scrooge uses the cane and hooks Fardarrig down to the ground with a wussy. Sigh Wang Films. This is getting overbearing to the point that I want this to end now. Scrooge grabs onto Fardarrig and demands that he take him to the golden caverns or else. Or else what Scroogie? Fardarrig has already decided to do this for you even if it's against his own life. Scrooge's hate for Fardarrig is understandable since he cries wolf all too often; but this is going way too far now.
Fardarrig pulls on a lever on the tree branch (WRONG LEVER!) and a hole in the ground opens and it's a wooden trap door. It opens and they go inside. We then see a cave as torches are lit and you can tell it's Wang Films since there is no lightning on the torches whatsoever. Or as they say; blue/green cartoon shading. Not a big deal; just an observation. Scrooge and Fardarring walk down the path as Scrooge can smell the gold now; but his cane taps another switch and the iron gates close on them from behind and they are trapped. Scrooge blows him off as Fardarring proclaims that they would get away as they panic and see the big ass cookie dough rock coming towards them. Oh TAG there guys! I can see why O'Mahony is a freelancer for life. That leads to the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE COOKIE DOUGH EDITION~! This goes on for some time as they turn the bend and make it to a cliff. Scrooge orders Fardarrig to jump; as Fardarrig pleads him not to (death reference #2 for the episode). Scrooge states that the thing is a giant potato and they are forced to jump as Fardarring swears in DUBBED IRISH STYLE (Sweet mother McRee!). Okay; a giant potato is even worse if that's humanly possible. I see where Nightmare of the Living Spud Came From. And now I wish I hadn't know. The potato jumps the duck (Get it?!) and they free fall down and they land on the golden hill of gold coins. Now where have I seen this? Oh yeah; Polly Wants A Treasure. I smell them blowing off each other any second now.
Scrooge cheers for victory as Fardarrig is sitting on a crown sulking at it all since this is the treasure of the little people; their heritage, their pride, their joy. Yeah; and it's all your fault that it's gone because you cried wolf and no one buys into it anymore. Scrooge takes the crown and declares that it's all his and then we get some swimming action to waste more time. One of those pendants looks like a double Star of David on it and one of the blue CHEST OF DEMONS in the background has a golden cross on it. Like I care as Scrooge proclaims that he's rich. I thought he was already a zillionaire? Okay; so we cut to the well as Scrooge is wearing various jewelry on himself as he and Fardarrig are climbing up the well. Wow; I think this is the first episode in DTVA using mature lighting (light shadow and pitch black darkness for those who wonder). Too bad it doesn't help the episode in anyway. And of course he's tired as hell and somehow he throws everything down into the hole below. D'OH! This guy needs Wii Fit STAT! More throwing as the torch gets thrown away and Fardarrig falls and then gets caught by the cane of Scrooge. I see logic break #5 for the episode since Scrooge should have been where the torch landed. Fardarrig breathes a sigh of relief.
So we cut to topside as they climb out and take a breather near the edge of DA...HOLE (God bless Baby Plucky!) as Fardarrig proclaims that he is not needed anymore. Scrooge then uses the cane and proclaims that he saved his life again (twice I might add) and he must grant him another fairy wish. Fardarrig agrees to it relucently as Scrooge ties a hanky to the tree and tells him not to touch it. Fardarrig promises to even though he wants to do him the favor of doing so anyway. Oh god; I'm getting tired of this as Scrooge flees to find the nephews and Launchpad. Fardarrig then gets the BALLOON OF CHILD CORRUPTING DOOM (oh goody!) and Brian repeats the same lines he told him earlier in the episode. So we cut to a cliff as the leprechauns throw a rope down and have a boulder set up on the edge of the cliff which is supposed to fall down on the trap door. He ties the rope to the handle of the door and then rides on his purple horse stage right while blowing off Scrooge for being a greedy trickster as he is. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there you moral midget?! And then Webby pops out of the bushes and informs him that she found a four leaf clover as he swears he didn't do it. Oh man; Webby is REALLY STUPID beyond belief in this episode.
Okay; I officially take back everything I ever said about The Last Leprechaun. I owe the Rescue Ranger fanbase an apology. This episode is FAR worse than The Last Leprechaun. It may not be good; but it sucks less than this one. I'm sorry for making such a joke of Darby Spree. He's much better than Fardarrig logic breaking notwithstanding. Webby wants him to have it because he's such a loyal, thoughtful, wonderful friend. I am not buying this crap! Fardarrig finally sobs and gets on his knees admitting to her that he's a terrible guy and Scrooge is going to... have a terrible day?! OH CRAP; you can say die on this F'N show guys! This is not 4Kids Entertainment! This is not Ruby Spears even. This is Disney; a company who allowed an on screen death in Double'O'Ducks already! Please lord take me now! So we cut back to the cliff as the boulder is swaying around and then we cut to ground level as Scrooge, the nephews and Launchpad are riding on their tiny horses. Take one guess who is riding backwards with the helmet shield over his eyes. Scrooge blows him off as the dollar signs are in his eyes again; and then he's screwed as there are handkerchiefs on every tree. We then pan over and see Webby putting one on a tree and then waves at Scrooge. That is the funniest spot in the entire episode right there.
And Scrooge's reaction to it makes it even more so; and Webby's defense to it as well. Scrooge grabs her and blows her off for doing this as Fardarrig comes in and yells at Scrooge for attacking Webby's intellegence and then goes over to the trapdoor and springs the trap which allows the boulders to crash onto the trapdoor with a MAN-SIZED bump. Everyone is SHOCKED at this as Scrooge then starts being defensive and regretful. Launchpad basically states all that needs to be said in this situation. I wish he was the focus character and not Scrooge and Webby. And since she saved him from a terrible day (VOMIT TIME!) she gets a wish. Scrooge asks what it is and Webby wants to invite someone home for the summer. And of course it's Fardarrig as Scrooge is SHOCKED and APPALLED by this decision. The nephews blow him off because he made a promise see. Scrooge asks for her to change her wish but Webby and Fardarrig blow him off as Scrooge is screwed. And so am I. What a lame ass ending this is as Webby and Fardarrig do an Irish Jig as well as everyone else as the sun sets on the pan up shot as we see Brian and his train wave goodbye to mercifully end the episode at 21:16. Oh lord; I expected this episode to stink up the joint on the plotthread alone; but the lack of effort and terribleness overall just made it absurd. To think that Polly Wants A Treasure and even the Last Leprechaun was a lot better than this speaks volumes for why sometimes; hindsight is such a bitch. Launchpad and Brian saved this episode from being a negative star episode and even a DUD to boot though. ¼ * (5%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; they wasted Billy Barty on this crap?! If there is any solace for the late Billy Barty is that he got the most over character in the episode and he did it well for the most part. Launchpad was all right; albeit he was rarely used for the most part. Otherwise; this episode was a complete suck fest. From logic breaks to Wang Films wussifying everything; to a terrible Fardarrig (who makes Darby Spree look like Kit Cloudkicker; seriously); to Scrooge's ultra contrived cry wolf reaction; to Webby's ultra contrived dense act (although her plan near the end was pretty funny), terrible writing (A terrible day? Sitting on an edge tied up and watching snakes hiss? You got to be ribbing me!) and of course the nephews did little and broke logic along with it. The banshee and Dullahan were a joke of suckage as well. At least they didn't break logic 15 times like in Ghost of A Chance; although they barely got any time to screw anyone.
And the snake pit scene was the worst thing I have ever seen make lamer by Brian wanting to use them to feed the snakes instead of tormenting them which would have been a million times funnier. And the ending was lame as I wanted to see Brian get his just deserts for screwing them and they end up being treated like babyfaces? To think that this is a template to Polly Wants A Treasure just gives me pause. I'm sorry to Darby Spree and to Rescue Rangers fans. Your episode was ultimately better and it took watching this to prove it. I feel so dirty now that I think about it. And Dale of course carried that one better than Launchpad did in THIS one. I was hoping for a small amusing car crash and I end up seeing a crappy dump of an episode. In fact; I'm ready to watch Duckworth's Revolt and even Take Me Out Of The Ball Game now. They cannot be any worse than this one; can they? So....
Thumbs way the hell down for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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