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The Uncrashable Hindentanic
Don't give Launchpad any more incentive than he already has!
So we continue on with another really interesting episode as this one is a homage/parody to the silent movie era; or more to the point: Sunset Bvld. Now considering that the Titanic was considered unsinkable (and it sank of course) and Launchpad is in this episode; I'm guessing someone's butt is going to get sued after this episode is over. So let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written by Ken Koonce and David Weimers (That's #5 for the duo!). The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Pasty Cameron.
We begin this one on a street near Duckberg as a car comes down the street. It's a golden limo as we go inside to see Flintheart Glomgold in the back of the hot black leather seat laughing Scrooge off because he really got the best of him this time. See; he sold Scrooge a yard full of old tires and Scrooge thinks he'll make money from them. HA! Flint has never seen the show How It's Made. Then we pan over (and see the lot filled with old tires, natch) and see Scrooge playing with the nephews near a tree with a blue tire swing. Oooookkkkaaaayyyy. The golden limo backs up and and Flint mocks him for finding one use for one tire. Scrooge asks him if he has more tires to spare. See; he sold the first shipment by giving everyone in the neighborhood a tire swing. HAHA! Boy; these neighbors are truly gullible for Scrooge to sell them a tire swing set.
I can understand selling the tire; but I wonder if the sage advice was extra? And the kids swing on the tires and have fun in the process. See; content and values. It's not hard new Disney. Scrooge laughs him off for it as Flint is not amused. Memo to Flint: Watch How It's Made on DVD and get the DVD's from their website at: http://www.howitsmade.com/ . Then you're whole scheme wouldn't be so sad. Flint swears in DUBBED SCOTTISH STYLE (Darn me argyles! Now that's a new one for me.) and you know this episode is special when Flint is swearing like Scrooge. Scrooge proclaims that he can make that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH on anything. Flint then challenges him betting a million dollars on something Scrooge not making profit on. Scrooge blows it off because he's a businessman and not a gambling man. BWHAHAHA! Man; Cash As Catch Can has erased his memory; as well as the second episode of the Golden Suns; along with Horse Scents to boot. I'm calling that logic break #1 for the episode; but it's a sure darn funny one.
Flint flops on the backseat and tells him that he's a chicken in putting his money where his beak is. I betcha Scrooge accepts the challenge. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as Scrooge and Flint bet a million dollars. Loser has to invest it in another man's company. Sadly; no stereotypical hat eating is involved in the deal. Flint and Scrooge shake hands on the deal as Flint calls this the easiest million he'll ever make. Flint then gives Scrooge the contract to the plot device of doom and laughs it up as the limo speeds away stage left. Scrooge reads through the contract (which is written in waves; and Al Khan would still paint that away. It's because kids don't read see.) as it's for the “Uncrashable Hindentanic”. Boy; that sounds like a challenge to Launchpad's manhood if I ever saw one. So we logically head to the checker board roof hanger as Scrooge, Duckworth and the nephews walk into the hanger near the airport and Scrooge looks inside and swears in DUBBED SCOTTISH STYLE (Suffering Scotts! I see Scrooge has his Sylvester sarcasm meter on today) .
We look in and see a deflated pink balloon vessel which looks similar to the one we saw in Duck To The Future. Now that is foreshadowing at it's best folks. And DTVA was the master of it; sometimes to the point of nightmares from BS&P. Huey wonders what it is and Duckworth calls it a dirigible. And in an amazing turn of event; Open Office sees it as a real word too. It's a grand old, lighter than air ship that carried passengers around the world according to Duckworth after Huey of course couldn't say it properly. I just knew Eisner would dumb down the nephews at some point. Having child character speak like adults is scary to real adults you know; and we cannot have that, right Mr. Eisner?! And it probably won't fly again as Scrooge proclaims that he'll make this turkey fly even if he needs to spend all of his money from his money bin. Duckworth blows it off because turkeys cannot fly see. Figure of speech is NOT Duckworth's strong suit I see. Scrooge gleefully threatens to fire him for that crack. Duckworth gobbles and sees on in the sky even though there isn't a turkey to be seen.
So we head into Scrooge's Money Bin office as Scrooge runs in and puts his cane on the vault door and sits down at his desk which has the oldest golden phone and name plate in history. Man; he is cheap to hire a gold polisher. Scrooge goes to his phone and dials the phone for the Duckberg Daily News. Scrooge wants to announce the return of the Hindentanic and the gobbling on the phone as Scrooge blows it off because he knows turkey cannot fly and orders them to print it. Nice to see Scrooge show that he gets the figure of speech. So we get the old staple of TaleSpin episodes that I ranted on and it probably started with this episode: the SPINNING NEWSPAPER FRONT PAGE OF DOOM~!
We then logically head to a room as a lady duck (check the white hands) reading the news and I see logic break #2 for the episode as it's the Duckberg Tribune and not the Duckberg Daily News. Well; not quite a logic break since Scrooge could have called more than one newspaper and quite frankly; if you are going to make a big deal out of this and have the big bucks, you can. So yeah; logic break #2 is popped out of the episode on that count. The Uncrashable Hindentantic makes a comeback as the paper drops down and we see a pig furry in directors gear with the biggest fashion faux pas to date in his purple hat. Apparently; he's French too judging by the accent. He calls it the biggest event of the year. He's also holding a platter with a glass of water on it; so you know he's the slave here. Quite honestly; this is BS&P that I can understand since alcohol was a no-no at this point; but after Rescue Rangers and the pilot; I think Disney's holding back the liquor is silly now considering that alcohol isn't as bad as smoking has become. Heck; alcohol still has some good points over even soda pop... in small does of course.
We then cut to the lady who looks like the mallard version of Norma Desmond who played the role of Gloria Swanson in Sunset Blvd. Chris Barat has a full review of this; plus the same Ducktales picture I'm currently seeing now: http://newsandviewsbychrisbarat.blogspot.com/2009/08/movie-review-sunset-blvd-paramount-1950.html . This is of course Gloria Swansong Sr. (because the Gloria Swansong in Darkwing Duck was actually much younger than the one in Ducktales.) and she's voiced by Joan Gerber. The Mrs. Beakly voice gives it away. By the way; I also noticed a BS&P decision of using a weird rose in place of the long black smoke pipe. That's pretty funny considering that Grubby's father kept his smoke pipe in Teddy Ruxpin near the end of the series. Apparently; disaster film producer Irwin Mallard will also make the flight. Oh; that doesn't give away the rest of the plot in advance; no siree. The pig furry is Burt Quackarach (Terry McGovern) since Gloria addresses him as Quacks and shakes him. See; Gloria wants to star in Irwin Mallard's new movie. She hasn't made a movie in 50 years see.
Interesting Moment #1: On the top right corner of the side shot; there is a statue of a completely naked human female with the arms covers around the breasts playing a flute. Thankfully; it's a duck so there is nothing to see anyway.
Moving right along as she wants to make a comeback and buy a ticket. Burt blows the suggestion off because her checkbook needs a comeback more than she does. Gloria proclaims she'll get on board because she is Gloria Swansong see. So we logically return to Flintheart's office as we pan over to Flint reading the newspaper proclaiming that according to Scrooge; a flight on the Hindentanic will be like a trip back in history. And you know Flint is a little bit of a sadist when he has a picture of Scrooge holding a golden cane and top hat in his office. Flint crumbles the paper and calls Scrooge full more of hot air than the blimp will be. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. He throws the paper away declaring that Scrooge will never make that thing fly...and then he catches himself on the recoil. So we logically head to the checker board hanger of doom and head inside as Scrooge overlooks Duckworth and the nephews fixing up the Hidentantic. Ah; I see Mrs. Beakly has joined in for fun sewing up the balloon. We get the Duckworth, triple nephew paint roller on skateboard spot for good measure. They put up the windows and such and...
Spongebob SquarePants Narrator: 24 hours later...
We go to the far shot and see that the Hindentantic is as good as new; complete with golden propeller on the back. Well; that was pretty quick. So we head to the crowd outside as they cheer and release toxic rubber helium balloons into the sky and a purple belt as we head to the VIP SOAPBOX OF DOOM with Scrooge, Mrs. Beakly, Duckworth and the nephews. Scrooge waves and that magically opens the door and out comes the Uncrashable Hindentantic in full view as the crowd pops on that one. All except for Flint who boos it into the hanger. The crowd is not amused on that response. Scrooge and Duckworth climb up the airport stairs and Scrooge christen the air ship the Hindentanic. This is as close as people are going to hear Christ on this show or any of Disney for that matter. There is always Veggie Tales. And then the whole glass of water BS&P proves to be pointless as Scrooge has a champagne bottle in his hands and tries to break it; but stops and questions Duckworth on the cost of the bottle of alcohol. HAHA! Duckworth calls it the cheapest and that's enough for Scrooge to break it over the ship and it must be red wine because it sure as hell looks like it. Logic break #2 for the episode. I don't think champagne is red in color guys.
And of course the alcohol disappears on cue on the far shot as we cut to Mrs. Beakly and the nephews standing and they see something in the air. It's a red airplane doing some sky writing that is so bad; I swear that Dean Stefan used it as the basis for Vowel Play. Oh wait....Louie calls it Hidenpanic in confusion because he is the jokester see. Scrooge and Duckworth walk down as Mrs. Beakly wonders who misspelled it and Scrooge is pissed off as we go into the sky and we see good old Launchpad inside the red plane. HAHA! I guess he's infected with the same bug that Baloo (and Kit to a lesser extent) was infected with in Vowel Play. Detective Thursday would have LP's ass for this as LP gloats on his misspelling and decides to dot the I and be done with it. Oddmakers for crashing: 2:1. He dots the I on the fly back and then the engines sputter and the control panel spark. Seriously; where does LP get his planes from, Thembria? AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BLAM! OUCH! Ummmm... Remember; if you mock Thembria in any context during this rant, YOU COULD BE SHOT! Nice to see me bring that joke out of the mothballs.
The red plane nosedives as Disney Caption's script takes a nosedive with it. The crowd does the Superman promo (I would say Terry McGovern, Chuck McCann and maybe Hal Smith for the males; Joan Gerber for the females) and they all bail and the grandma screams before doing so as the red plane goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHA!) and the plane crashes into about 12 pieces and smashes into the ground about 100 feet away from the Hindentanic. I think LP is losing his touch; normally he would destroy something good when he crashes. LP pops up from the carnage and proclaims that he's all right and he can still fly and crash the Uncrashable Hindentantic. Okay; he didn't say crash; but it is implied, knowing “Crash A Plane A Minute” Launchpad McQuack. Now I'm betting that Scrooge fires him from flying the Hindentantic any minute now. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as Scrooge is renting a pilot from Temp Cap. And LP won't even go near it either as Launchpad pushes the cane away and gets the point. Then we get a real choppy sequence as Launchpad does his Casablanca promo again; on Scrooge this time. Scrooge I betcha doesn't buy that one. It only on females see. Damn; I'm good as Scrooge blows him off on that one and walks out.
So we go to a back shot and see more balloons and cheering after they cleared away Launchpad's red plane carnage. We go to the stage in front as Scrooge calls out the troops and we see the nephews dressed as bellhops (in matching color outfits of course) and Mrs. Beakly dressed as a waiter. The nephews salute him and then hop off stage right as we go to in front of the yellow staircase as Duckworth in a pilot uniform ticks off the guest list starting with Professor Karl Sargander (Chris has him as Carl Sagander and considering that Duckworth rolled the r on Sa; it's Sargander in this case.); the famous Ass-tromer....
Karl is a duck wearing a green coat with brown hair and goofy glasses. Karl (Frank Welker) gives him his ticket and walks on up. And next up is Irwin Mallard (no relation to Drake Mallard no matter what people think) who is a movie director duck in purple/red director's gear with black shin guards and the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. He also has his video camera on his back on retainer; just for this occasion. Irwin Mallard (Terry McGovern). He thanks Duckworth and blows off the has-been actors trying to get a part in his disaster movie. He steps up and we cut to a back shot as Gloria Swansong and Quacks (I made an error in judgment on the pig aid of Gloria as Chris has him as Quax. I think that one makes sense since Quacks is so bland. Quax is voiced by Chuck McCann by the way) arrive and Duckworth asks for tickets. Gloria and Quax give him none because she's a great movie star see. I see where Swansong Junior got her selfish husband murdering streak from. If that wasn't COMEDY BABEE; it would put her on the same level of nightmare from BS&P as Kit is now! Duckworth remembers her as a child and of course they didn't let him in without a ticket as Gloria and Quax gets shoved out of the way. HAHA!
Gloria swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE as Quax asks what is next for her. She then notices a mummy wrapped on a stretcher and some CHEST OF DEMONS and she has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN in mind; something out of her 1925 classic movie; Shiek Nurse of Baghdad. Geez; no wonder she's screwed. That means the movie is dead and therefore offensive to everyone. As if the Iraq crack didn't give that away. They whisper conference and then we cut back to the stretcher as they magically get behind the CHEST OF DEMONS (logic break #3 for the episode) and they grab the nurse and they have a scuffle off-screen. Well; Toon Disney wouldn't cut that out since it has to be on screen man on female contact see. So out comes Gloria in a peach nurse gear (with the red cross symbol on it which I'm sure the Red Cross is up at arms over) and wheels the mummy. What in the world is in that job?! It looks like a weird piece of manure to me. They go to Duckworth as she hands the ticket over and Duckworth answers the letter pleading for help because he is having a beak transplant. Wow... I didn't expect them to allow dismemberment in any context in DTVA; but here it is. Duckworth assures him that they will make it to London by lunch. Duckworth addresses the mummy as Mr. Wentworth (Chris has him as Mr. Webworth which naturally makes perfect sense in Ducktales. Why Disney Captions would forget that little quirk is beyond me. Besides; Duckworth clearly said Webworth on the audio.) by the way. Gloria and Webworth are wheeled up as Duckworth tells him to do whatever he has to do to get the attention he wants of course.
So the boredom ends as the nephews have a cage containing a beehive from Mr. John D. Rockafeather (and Disney Caption has it as Rockafeller; even though he said Rockafeather in the audio though the accent makes it somewhat confused) because it's a gift for the Queen of England. Now who in their right mind would keep a BEEHIVE in a cage where the holes are easy for the bees to go through. I'm calling logic break #4 for the episode; or grand stupidity on John D.'s part. Now I'm certain that this Rockafeather is not related to John Dee Rockafeather from My Fair Baloo. And I'm right as we see Duckworth with John D. himself (Hal Smith) as he looks nothing like a vulture; just a bird with a black suit and red tie. John gives him a yellow ticket (I guess the different colors and styles are for security reasons) and asks if there is trust that the honey bees are safe for this trip. Duckworth states that it will; just don't call him honey. Again; Duckworth's logic meter is broken for some reason as John walks up and Duckworth goes to his list and goes to the five minute call. Scrooge walks down the stairs and wonders where the captain from Temp Cap is; and Duckworth states that he is not here yet.
Scrooge isn't amused until the whistle blows and in comes a young pelican in a blue uniform with a red bow tie; who so happens to be Captain Farley Foghorn (Chris missed the Farley part; but that's all right. Farley is voiced by Frank Welker) from Temp Cap. And he's goofier than Launchpad ever was. Scrooge isn't impressed as Farley proclaims that he wanted the cheapest that they have. HAHA! Content and values Scroogie...You still don't seem to apply it constantly. Farley of course doesn't know how to pilot an airship and cannot pronounce it properly (Neither can I for that matter) as Farley walks up the stairs. Scrooge sulks on the fact that he made that wager on Flint. No Scrooge; it's because you are so CHEAP; and don't realize VALUE in hiring someone more than someone who has more air in his head than a blimp. Might as well keep LP on retainer after all since we all know the ship is going to crash at the end anyway. Because it's “uncrashable” see. Scrooge walks up as Farley waves to the cheering crowd (Wow; they must hate LP so much to cheer for this clown) as we cut to a sky side shot as the Hindentanic finally flies into the sky without incident. Okay; so Farley can do a takeoff properly. But can he land the damn thing? That's the hard part.
So we go into the dining room as Duckworth has the platter of snacks ready along with a table of stuff ready to eat at a moment's notice. We see Irwin Mallard, Gloria Swansong Sr. (singing to Irwin on the pan shot), Mr. Webworth (on the right corner), John D. Rockafeather (on the left corner before the pan stage left), a lizard with sleak black hair, white pants and a red suit which reminds me of Little Richard. The lizard speaks and that is Burt Quackerack (proving that I was mistaken with Qaux being him earlier; sorry about that- he is voiced by Terry McGovern.) which Chris has as Burt Quackarach. That is the closest one Disney Captions got in this episode by the way. There are other guests on the cruise in the background; but they don't have voices so they don't count anyway. Burt's singing is not too good by the way; but it's not pain inducing like Gloria's was as Gloria goes to Mrs. Beakly wearing the silliest dress I have ever seen in this series; complete with redneck hunter's red cap.
Seriously; who did she think she is; Miss Elmer Fudd? AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Gloria asks her about the film on this flight being a Gloria Swansong classic. Geez; blow your cover, that's REAL SMART Gloria. No wonder your Swansong Junior is so screwed up. Mrs. Beakly blows it off because her detergent makes better film than she does. SCORE!! So she's a Grade Z silent movie actress. Strange; considering that the Gloria Swanson in real life was in Grade A silent movies. Gloria sneaks over to Mr. Webworth's bed and pulls the sheets to reveal that Quax is under the bed. Well; it cannot be any worse than having a monster under your bed. Gloria orders Quax to put Sheik Nurse of Baghdad in the projector at once. And yes; Webworth is a duck by the way as Quax agrees to; reminding Gloria that people walked out over Kansas. I'm sure that they DIED in tears and frustration too. Geez; even this show is mocking suicide over a bad movie.
Quax takes the film and walks out as we logically go backstage and see Flint coming out of the CHEST OF DEMONS in Middle Eastern gear. UH OH! I do not like where this is going. He puts the Offensive Middle Eastern disguise on complete with parachute. Flint proclaims that he going to win the bet the rotten way. If this episode wasn't blackballed on 9/11 or the hijacking scenes are cut by Toon Disney; then that shows me that Eisner was downplaying TaleSpin. Considering that Disney was never 100% behind the series; I wouldn't be shocked if the one year black ball after 9/11 was just an excuse for Eisner to downplay the show's quality. So we head to the cleared dining room as Scrooge walks in and sees Launchpad sweeping the floors in his blue suit. I see he left his web boots at home today. Launchpad doesn't like this job because he has to stoop so low and Scrooge blows him off to stoop lower because he missed a spot. And there is a big dust bunny magically appearing from the floor out of nowhere. Geez; at least Colonel Spigot dirtied up a spot to make Kit clean it again in Flight School which made logical sense. This doesn't as we see Scrooge meet with Flint in Middle Eastern gear and he doesn't suspect a thing...Sort of since they have never met.
Flint calls himself Shiek Ruten Tuten of the oil rich Dallas Ababa. Oh boy; that is the most incredibly lame pun since Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong from One-Upsman-Chip. They greet each other and then go their separate ways as Flint goes into the cockpit out front and sees Farley at the WHEEL OF MORALITY. Okay; I think Scrooge was way too paranoid when he first saw Farley as he seems to be piloting this ship fine so far. I guess boats are a normal Saturday night for him. Ruten Tuten goes over and informs Scrooge that he wants to see him right away. Farley doesn't buy it because he's busy steering. So Ruten pushes Farley aside; breaks the wheel and gives it to Farley as a gift. HEE HEE! Farley is an idiot as he leaves with the wheel in his hands. Flint goes over to the propeller parts and uses the scissors to cut the rubber part of the pulley as we cut to a special suite and see Scrooge walk in as Professor Sargander is using his telescope to look out to the sky.
Sargander proclaims that a freak of nature is upon them with billions of meteors. I think he's using hyperbole on us; but I'll play along for the sake of good laughs at Farley's expense. His tie has stars and planets on it with a purple background by the way. Scrooge looks and sees lots of meteors and then panics as Farley walks in with the wheel asking to see Scrooge. HAHA! Scrooge pushes Farley out of the room into the control room and takes the wheel and puts it back into the wheel holder. That must be Ikea's first invention; otherwise it's logic break #5 for the episode as Farley gets blown off of course. Scrooge orders him to turn around because there is a meteor shower commencing and of course Farley blows him off because the wheel is stuck and there is no propeller. He noticed that without TURNING THE WHEEL? He's has, DADADADADUM! PSYHIC POWERS~! Scrooge goes to the window and notices that the rubber pulley is gone as he panics and we pan over to the meteor shower to end the segment 11 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head back to the piano with Burt playing it of course. He's still off key of course as we cut back to the front with the rubber pulley part flying in the wind as Scrooge orders Farley to fix the propeller. Farley laughs in his face as we see that Temp Cap mean Temporay Captain and then jumps out like a madman. Sadly; he had his parachute open (a red one) and float down towards the city as Scrooge blows him off for actually preparing to jump off. HAHA! Scrooge then yells out asking for someone smart enough to fix the propeller..and be stupid enough to do it. He ponders and then goes back inside the dining room and picks Launchpad to do it. Launchpad agrees to it; as long as he completes his sweeping. HAHA! Scrooge forces him out of his clothes (and into his web boots too) as we cut to a far side shot of LP on the steel rod right in the middle of a meteor shower. I think only Kit would be insane enough to do this; but he's not around so there you go...neither is WildCat for that matter.
Launchpad calls this absurd as Scrooge isn't amused by that response. So we logically return inside the storage room and Flint has the AUTOPILOT OF DOOM and he pries open the cage proclaiming that this will cause enough chaos to win the bet. Damn; I just knew that this would be used as a terrorist tool for Flint. The bees come out as Flint exits the storage room and puts on his SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT and then sneaks stage left as Huey the Duck Bellhop arrives from stage right along with his bellhop nephews as they foolishly open the door and they see a swarm of bees. Huey panics and shuts the door easily holding it with his back and life. Dewey asks what's wrong. Someone carrying bee in an unsafe package; that's what is wrong Dewey. It's not so hard to figure out. Huey ask what a load of bees are and Louie gleefully answers that one for me. Of course even better would be A's; but I'm sure Disney wouldn't allow that one since it would be offensive to AIDS patients. Huey corrects himself and the nephews lean on the door tight. Considering at the keyhole is too small; I think this will hold them for some time.
So we continue on in the dining room as Irwin Mallard is sitting down and feels sick. We know this because he's gagging and turning as green as Burt as he throws his blue cloth into his face to prevent himself from throwing up. Actual vomit is a no-no; implying that he's going to vomit is okay. Mrs. Beakly Fudd enters and decides to get help at once. She goes over to Quax and Gloria and she wants Gloria to help Irwin. Oh boy; this should be fun to mock. Mrs. Beakly leaves as Gloria cheers for victory because Irwin Mallard NEEDS her. Geez; Gloria has no sense of irony or context whatsoever. Gloria goes over to Irwin's table as he asks Gloria to help him because he's sick. He implying vomiting some more as she takes away the platter and Irwin complains that's it's not the food; it's her....and then we pan over to see a B&W movie in progress as Gloria (in a nurse uniform) is dissecting a sheep. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is Grade Z stuff here. I'm guessing this is the Don Glut hazing ritual he got. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...
She places a cigar in the sheep's mouth (!!!) and Irwin blows off Gloria's bad acting skills. HAHA! Gloria takes exception to that and storms off like a bitch. Quax asks how it went and Gloria blows it off as she wants to go to wardrobe and get out of uniform. I guess she's done with the movie comeback as we cut back to the front of the meteor shower as Launchpad is on the steel rod again and Scrooge admits now that his wager rests on Launchpad keeping them in flight. And I betcha it scares the crap out of him too. Damn; I'm good as Scrooge wants to throw in the kilt. HAHA! So we go into the hallway as Quax and Gloria (with regular dress) goes to the door (Hello? Where are the nephews?! Logic break #6 for the episode) and Quax opens it to reveal the BEE ARMY OF DEATH~! How stupid can the nephews be to abandon their post for no reason. And speaking of the little devils; we see them on the pan shot as the bees escape and they panic. Really; how stupid do you have to be to make that break in logic guys?! Then again; I'm ranting on a Ken Koonce/David Weimers episode where the quality ranges from very poor to very good; but never perfect. So there you go. Louie wonders how to catch them and Dewey refers to the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean; the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book which states that they must coax them into the beehive. Geez; that sounds easy except how do you coax bees? They are the most pissed off creatures with deadly stingers you know. Louie wonders what a beehive looks like and of course it's Mrs. Beakly hairdo.
So we logically go into the dining room as the bees go into Mrs. Beakly's Elmer Fudd hat and she and the person who she was serving scream like mad. The bees swarm around as John realizes that the bees have escaped. NO?! REALLY?! Karl states that there are billions of bees. NO?! REALLY?! And we get more screaming and panicking and hiding from Mrs. Beakly who is running like she has never run before. Now this is a perfect way to get Hoppo & Baloo to lose weight. POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummm... The bees are everywhere as Scrooge walks in and calls this the Hindenpanic. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So everyone panics and runs as Mr. Webworth's beak jar drops from the bed and get kicked right into down the saloon door as Mr. Webworth follows (I guess he can walk after all; how about that?!); down the step and then the jar breaks and the beak lands into a pot of soup in the kitchen. So we cut to the kitchen as Duckworth has some empty soup bowls and he dumps the beak and soup into the bowls.
So we cut back to the dining room as some chaos ensues. Except for Irwin Mallard who is sitting right there not amused at all. HAHA! Duckworth enters the room with the soup as the bees finally scatter out of the room and Duckworth places the beak soup right on the table with Irwin sitting. Irwin looks and he complains about having a bill in his soup. HAHA! Scrooge gleefully tells him that it's not free. SCORE!! So we go back to the storage room as Gloria is off-screen changing while Quax stands guard to make sure he doesn't see female breasts because that will send you to hell see. Gloria is still complaining (this time about wearing a lampshade on her head of all things.) and Quax eats nurse uniform for his troubles. Quax blows her off because they neglected to board the luggage. We then see Gloria and she looks no different than she did first time we saw her; except for the lampshade on her head and the oversized robe. Gloria waltzes out as Quax is not amused; and she wants her umbrella because she'll be acting up a storm.
So we logically head back to the dining room and we get the old SCOOBY DOO FCC CLOUDDUST CHASE OF DEATH~! We pan over to the entrance as the nephews show up and see the carnage and the Mrs. Beakly hairdo beehive. Mrs. Beakly is forced into the air (!!!) as the bees swarm her Elmer Fudd hat. They have better fashion sense than even I do. Bravo bees! Bravo! If only you could annoy Gedo like that; then my life might truly be complete. Might. Huey grabs the hat and runs out with it as Mrs. Beakly faints dead like the stereotype that she is. Then comes the REAL HIJACKER (a duck in an orange shirt) with the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT as he demands to go to London (Hal Smith); Mrs. Beakly wakes up before he can strike and said that they are already going there. The hijacker recoils and now wants a soda. Oh boy; that's a HIJACKER?! Don Karnage would seriously maul this guy's ass. It doesn't have Flint's act any less offensive by the way. We cut to the back (I guess since the front is the cockpit) and Huey throws the Elmer Fudd hat and it is the front because it lands right on Launchpad's head. HAHA! LP has the screwdriver of doom and he cannot see; and the bees are stinging him to boot. And you thought TaleSpin was cruel?! Okay; it is crueler than Ducktales; but LP is funny so screw them. Oh wait; now I'm catching CDS again! Need to stop DVD....Watch TaleSpin for five hours....Back to rant....
So; now that I got the CDS out of my system, we see Launchpad pull the Elmer Fudd hat from his head and he starts using the screwdriver on the bees. Who the heck does LP think he is Bumble Swasher?! We can only have one character making an ass out of himself in DTVA? Sadly; that means Bumblelion Scrooge is out of the running by default. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Not you Scroogie, not you. He unintentionally throws the screwdriver and it goes right into the balloon popping it. Geez; it's always the bee's doing when THAT happens. Launchpad climbs up the balloon and uses his mouth to seal the hole; but he blows up. Yeap; it's the old whip cream spot that anti-drug guys HATE with a passion. Launchpad floats like a balloon and his voice is much higher now; about as high as Young Launchpad's voice. He reconsiders his plan of course. HEE HEE!
Sadly; the spot wasn't all that funny anymore. And no LP; you do not sound like the nephews at all, you sound like yourself in Launchpad's First Crash as one of the bees (which four of them had followed him all this time) takes his stinger; shines it up real good; turns that son witch sideways and sticks it up Launchpad's candy ass. Well; not quite, it's more closer to his hips actually. Launchpad un blows and lands on the steel rod as he has officially fixed the propeller and Scrooge cheers that the catastrophes are over for this day. Huh? I though he would respond when LP said “Uh-Oh” when the balloon had a hole in it. Launchpad basically states the obvious while clearing his young throat and on the far side shot we see the balloon falling down as Scrooge can only say what. The guests scream on cue as we cut to a sky shot of the icy ground and then a shot of Launchpad proclaiming that he made the uncrashable Hindentanic crash. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I told you so you sadists! So we go back to the side shot of the Hindentanic falling towards the icy waters and that ends the segment nearly 17 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we cut to a close up of Scrooge panicking as Launchpad goes in through the window as Scrooge wants a pilot badly. Launchpad asks how badly and Scrooge of course guards the WHEEL OF MORALITY as Launchpad is still barred from flying. I see the nephews are here as well. So we cut back to the dining room as the chaos and destruction continues; but Irwin Mallard has his camera rolling on this one as he calls the trip a disaster. And he LOVES IT! HE REALLY LOVES IT! No wonder Malstrom hates Hollywood now. So we continue with the side shot outside as the Hindentantic drops further down. So we have a scene changer and we go to the cockpit to see Duckworth steering the Hindentanic. You know; maybe patching up the balloon with something might help a little bit. That's how Teddy Ruxpin and his gang did it to keep in flight.
Duckworth proclaims that he needs the back of the ship to be balanced and Scrooge knows who to call as he goes into the dining room and helps Mrs. Beakly back onto her feet. He needs her in the back of the ship as Mrs. Beakly pleads that she needs to address the passengers and Scrooge blows her off and orders her into the back. You'll never see that again in the New Disney if Night Flight is to be believed. Mrs. Beakly leaves as John D and Karl are planning to sue Scrooge for billions and billions of dollars. I guess the bees are only worth millions of dollars. I thought he would sue just on the bees alone; and thus this is simply overkill on his part. Scrooge is hot under the collar on that one as the Hindentanic flips 180 degrees upside down as everyone bumps good for my pleasure. Scrooge (huh? I thought he was in the dining room with John D.?) , Duckworth and the nephews hang on in the cockpit as Scrooge wants answers to Duckworth flipping. HEE HEE! Duckworth agrees with him and wants to return to the gallery. Scrooge agrees with him as Duckworth drops with with a wussy bump on the ceiling as he wants the rear balance to return to her post.
So we cut back to the dining room as Quax and Gloria are hanging on the floor (ceiling...who cares?) as Quax informs her that they are crashing. Gloria claims that she's too young to crash which is funny considering that she looks well over 60 years old. Quax tells her to consider this as the big fade out. HAHA! I betcha he's happy that he won't have to put up with her. So we see Mrs. Beakly come into the cockpit and Scrooge tells her to crawl up the wall and Mrs. Beakly sells without question as she climbs up the pipes near the wall and the Hindentantic flips back right side up as the guests bump and ride for my pleasure. HAHA! Mrs. Beakly takes some sicks bumps just for fun and my amusement. She's gone almost 18 and half minutes without being fussy. Scrooge wants to pull up because there is an iceberg, Duckworth wants to pull down due to the meteor shower, Mrs. Beakly wants to pull left due to the bees. I say pull right and you avoid all that; but what does Scrooge say.
He wants more helium or less weight. Go figure that you have to take the most absurd path to a simple solution. Scrooge then goes over to Mrs. Beakly and she absolutely blows Scrooge off for implying that she should be thrown overboard. I agree. If it was Hoppo; I would reconsider. POW! OUCH! Ummm.....Scrooge states that they will throw the luggage overboard as Louie goes to the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book and states that to give a blimp going; fill it with hot air. Oh yeah; that will really work yes siree! If anything it will cause the blimp to I don't know; EXPLODE~! Scrooge goes with the idea as we get the scene changer and see Scrooge making a huge bonfire underneath the base of the balloon with anything that can burn. The nephews throw everything in the fire: from luggage and Gloria's lampshade on her head. BASTARDS! That actually improved her look and you killed it! The nephews stop and we see Burt playing his piano still and there is Flintheart Glomgold in his Middle Eastern Gear. You know something Flint; those old eyeglasses are blowing your cover. Just so you would like to know. Flint wants the nephews to burn the piano. Oh great; he is a church book and record burner to boot. The nephews still fall for it as they wheel the piano away as Burt is still playing it. HAHA! Welcome to Darwinism pal; you can get your award statue at the Pearly Gates. And his singing still sucks by the way. The piano still gets in as Burt manages to get out of the way. How he did that spot; I don't know as the fire rages on and the bag is now on fire as the Hindentantic is slowly on the water and is on fire like nothing else.
Scrooge is SHOCKED AND APPALLED AND DEFEATED as he proclaims that he will never gamble again after this abomination. HA! Why not after Horse Scents Scroogie?! Flint blows him off quietly as he jumps out of the window and free falls. He opens his parachute and lands safely on an iceberg without any incident. We continue inside the dining room with more running and panicking as the fire continues to burn and Irwin Mallard just keeps on filming. I guessing the finish right now: Scrooge wins the bet on the profits coming from the disaster movie Irwin Mallard shoots in these scenes. I'm calling it right now. Irwin proclaims that he'll get his Oscar ready on this one as we go to the cockpit and Scrooge proclaims that it's hopeless and he finally gives Launchpad the wheel to crash it in style. HAHA! I called that one before the episode even started by the way. The “Uncrashable” part gave it clear away. Launchpad proclaims that he will not let him down and Scrooge tells him he better not since he's hiring him to do such a thing. So Launchpad gets the wheel and steady the thing as the balloon completely explodes (HA! Take that Mr. Woodchuck!) and the cabin plops down and slides towards the edge of the iceberg; only to land safely.
There is smoke everywhere as Scrooge thanks Launchpad for saving him. Sadly; the snow allows the blimp to slide right into the sea after the bonding moment and everyone abandons the blimp safely. We then cut to Irwin Mallard as he was filming the whole thing as the blimp is under the icy sea for good. Scrooge sulks on this loss as Flint finally blows his cover and blows him off good laughing like an evil little businessman. Irwin comes over and proclaims that this sure was a disaster and it's going to make him and Scrooge rich see. Scrooge isn't amused by this; but Irwin tells him that this movie has everything; even bad acting as Gloria Swansong got her role in the movie after all. HAHA! And Irwin is going to give Scrooge a cut in the profits which according to Karl is billions and billions of dollars. Damn; I'm so good. And then we hear a horn blowing and here comes a ocean liner and can you guess who is the captain? It's Farley Foghorn. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Poor Scroogie; Farley turned out to be the smartest duck of them all in this episode; next to Irwin of course, but even that was unintentional on his part. Everyone cheers as Irwin Mallard films the final scene and it even has an happy ending. So Scrooge not only wins the bet; he can settle the lawsuits and the costs of the entire ordeal to boot without losing a single gold coin in his money bin. That is just peachy. Sadly; Mr. Webworth is the biggest loser since he didn't make it to London. So Flint can take solace that he's only the biggest loser of the deal.
So we head to the cinema as the lights are flashing and the cars are whizzing by. A white open hood limo arrives and out comes Quax and Gloria Swansong. Gloria is happy that her fans love her again as Quax is unimpressed by the argument she is making. We then cut to Mr. Webworth whose head is screwed on backwards and is in a tux and actually recovered from the incident. Sort of. Burt is actually interviewing him which I guess he is still waiting for Scrooge to pay him for the piano. We then cut to the golden limo as Scrooge, the nephews and Launchpad are in tuxes (but the nephews and LP keep their hats); while Mrs. Beakly is in a navy blue dress with a white pearl necklace. Now that is good fashion sense Mrs. Beakly as Scrooge proclaims that he showed Glomgold that he can make that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH on anything even a disaster. HAHA! Scrooge laughs as we get a front shot of the cinema entrance with all the posters plastered on the wall and they all go inside to enjoy the fruits of their rewards to end the episode at 21:11. What a great episode this was; and maybe KK/DW's best one ever. A few minor breaks in logic prevented the full monty. And may Flint be cursed with being a racist for the rest of his life. **** ¾ (95%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Now that was a balloon ride filled with old movie parodies and lots of chaos, destruction, terror and even Gloria Swansong's bad acting. Flint turned out to be the better terrorist than the real hijacking terrorist just to make the parody even funner. This episode promised a lot and it delivered: Launchpad got to crash the blimp; Irwin Mallard got the best disaster movie in history, Gloria got her acting role comeback like a boomerang, Scrooge won the bet and made his profit in the wackyest way possible and even Webworth got his beak transplanted. Sort of. Sadly; Rockafeather couldn't give his bees to the Queen of England; but Scrooge probably paid everyone back with the profits to the movie and kept a million to win the bet. The only things I didn't like were the few logic breaks and maybe Launchpad's helium act which made me cringe a bit. I also felt that the hijacker on board was pointless; but it did a nice pun anyway from Mrs. Beakly. Did I mention that Mrs. Beakly got her just deserts for dressing like Elmer Fudd? Overall; a really fun episode that is probably KK/DW best one ever. I guess it's all down hill for them from here. So next up is The Status Seekers as Scrooge tries to gain popularity from the higher class. So....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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