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Spies In Their Eyes

Reviewed: 11/03/2009

Welcome back to hell; Seaman Donald Duck!

YAY! We continue on Ducktales with the first of back to back episode featuring our favorite lose his temper that the FCC Navy is trying to kill Seaman Donald Duck. And there are spies everywhere just to screw him. So let's rant on shall we...?!

This episode is written by Sharman Divono and Bruce Reid Schaefer. The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Pasty Cameron. These two have already written episodes for the Gummi Bears that I have ranted on; so I won't repeat their credits here.

We begin this one on board the USS FCC Navy on the ocean blue as we pan south to a sub boat with a captain who sounds like Admiral Grimitiz (Peter Cullen for sure) proclaims to Mr. Roberts that the target should be in range. We see the submarine turn around as it is Admiral Grimitz with the binoculars telling the dogsperson navy guy in gold gear which I assume is Mr. Roberts. See it's a wonderful day to make something go kablooey. Sure sign of a war-monger: They love to see stuff blown up. We head inside the sub as several dogsperson naval officers in white gear man the controls and then we pan over to Seaman Donald Duck (YAY!) shining the periscope. Ah; I see the brainwashing has managed to work somewhat. Donald sings a song about a sailors life as he dances around the periscope and somehow avoids the brush and bucket. Now you know the FCC Navy tactics are working. Donald calls the Experimental Attack Periscope his baby as he pets it. Wow; that is so Baloo-ish of you Donald. So we get the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS on full blast as Grimitiz tells all to go to battle stations as the red lights engulf the entire sub and the alarms beckon. Donald gulps as MP #1 (MP's are the privates of the Navy see. He's the fat dogsperson on the headphones) calls for the attack sonar to engage and MP #2 calls for attack computers are engaged as a smaller MP in sailor gear mans the computers and somehow doesn't speak. Grimitz and Mr. Roberts enter the submarine and it's time to DIVE, DIVE, AROOGA, AROOOOGGGGGAAAAA!

MP #1 is voiced by Bernie Kopell who started as Finnerty with Our Man Higgins in 1963 and then went on to movies such as The Wheeler Dealers, The Thrill of It and The Man From The Diner's Club. He then did mostly cameos for live television until he was Siegfried in Get Smart in 1968 and then went on to That Girl as Jerry Bauman in the early 1970 and then onto Bewitched casting several characters; then onto Needles & Pins as Charlie Miller, Alan-A-Dale in When Things Were Rotten, and then the Love Boat as Doctor Adam Baker, and Captain Nelson in Sunset Beach. Ducktales is his only DTVA appearance and in fact probably the only cartoon he was in. He did appear as a cameo in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, the Opel Driver in the Get Smart movie and Say It In Russian as Geezer 2. His final credit was Gilson in Monk and My Name Is Earl.

MP #2 is voiced by the late Edmund Gilbert (the fourth major TaleSpin voice in this series!) who started as The Gallant Men as Private Forgetz in 1963. He was Captain Abbott in 36 Hours in 1965; and in television shows such as The Name of The Game, Ben Casey, The Wild, Wild West, The Rogues and Combat! He then went onto mostly cameos on television shows and movies such as Howzer, Johnny Got His Gun and Incident at Vichy. His first major role came in 1977 with The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries as Fenton Hardy. He then did some more live action television cameos and then started voice acting in 1985 with Kissyfur as Kissyfur's dad Gus. He went on to doing G.I. Joe as General Hawk, Thrust in Transformers, 30-30/Shaman in Bravestarr, The Mandarin in Iron Man, El Seed in The Tick, Dormammu in Spider Man and Judge Fore in Road Rovers.

Ducktales was his DTVA debut and appears in Duckman of Aquatraz later on. He also was in The Little Mermaid The Animated Series, Gargoyles in several cameo roles, Fasir in Aladdin The Animated Series, and finally his most notable role would be as Baloo in TaleSpin and also appeared as older Baloo in Jungle Cubs as a cameo in the New Jungle Book Scenes which I explained on my Livejournal some time ago. He also was in The Little Mermaid WDFA movie. His final credit was in 1998 in The New Batman Adventures as a photographer. Sadly; he passed away in May of 1999 of lung cancer; which was pretty spooky since the death was during the casting call of Jungle Book 2 and it happened a few days after the 9th birthday of TaleSpin. He also appeared in the video game Baldur's Gate. Fun Fact: Kit Cloudkicker was voiced in TaleSpin as the second lead to Baloo as R.J. Williams. Ironically; R.J. Williams was Kissyfur as the lead character with Gus being the second lead to him being voiced by Edmund Gilbert. The difference: TaleSpin turned out to be a kick ass series; Kissyfur was not. There is more than that for Ed and Bernie later on in some major roles in this episode so we continue on...

Grimitz then orders someone to activate the Attack Periscope Experimental (same thing; only more Japanese) as we get some sliding from Donald as he takes a wussy bump onto the floor; but takes a MAN-SIZED bump with his head on the Periscope. HAHA! Well; he knows how to exercise his mind you know. Donald gets up and thinks about blowing off the periscope; but then slips and slides again. Geez; Grimitz is not going to buy Donald a break in this one; that's for sure. Donald grabs the periscope and unintentionally pushes the red button and takes a sick bump as the goggles launch right in his kisser on-screen. Man; Donald is taking a beating; and he's not even in a real battlefield yet. Donald holds his beak and finally slips on the conveniently placed brush which magically appeared OUT OF NOWHERE and then Donald goes ass first into the water bucket and slides away. Logic break #1 for the episode; but it's still pretty funny. He slides right against the back of the submarine near some computers as we cut back to MP#1 on headphones as they are at target range 1500. Grimitz goes to the periscope and peeps through the goggles and orders MP#1 to bring the sub to 100 feet, slow to 1/3. Donald tries to clear the cobwebs; but the sub slides forward and that is where the bucket goes. I betcha it nails Grimitz good with it too. I check the DVD....It doesn't happen. BOO! HISS!

Grimitz orders MP #1 to fire torpedoes as the target is lock on as we get a shot of the periscope top side as the red laser hits a dummy warship complete with target on the front. Because we all know that real ships have obvious targets on the front of their ships. It's like painting a “Hit Me Here” sign on the side of the ship for goodness sakes. The torpedoes fire from below and they whiz for about ten seconds and then hit dead onto the ship. I see they are heat seeking missiles too as MP #1 proclaims that the target is destroyed as Grimitz chuckles like an evil man because he loves seeing stuff blown up. This guy is a sadist; but that's war for ye. Grimitz tells Donald and his men (I see Mr. Roberts is written out already) to tell no one about this anywhere including Singapore and all on board salute him without question. Because loose lips sink ships see. Grimitz must be so cocky if he let Donald Duck on this mission. Oh; and it's a secret submarine for McDuck industries too. The carrier comes around and opens the front to allow the submarine to go in without further incident.

So we head to Singapore as the far shot looks like a regular city in America (bad sign for the writers right there) and then we cut to town level as we see the Asian Stereotypical buildings and then go to ground level as we see a decent amount of Asian dogsperson stereotypes strewed out for all to see. A man yells out there are fresh spices from India, Africa and China (and no I don't know who is voicing him; so don't ask). Well; in all fairness, at least the writers SHOWED that we were in Singapore (although the animation studio did a poor job making it look obvious) instead of Feats of Clay which I spent a good ten minutes wondering if they were in Hong Kong, Chinatown New York; or a Hollywood stage that looks like Chinatown. And at least in 1987; we didn't know better about how offensive and crude the stereotypes were. 1996 and a more than a few writers got black balled as a result. We see more Singapore stereotypes walking around as Dewey proclaims that Donald will be surprised to find him in Singapore. I won't be surprised if this episode MURDERS Feats of Clay in every way. Except for the stereotypes of course.

Then they would be in a dead heat. We then cut to a close shot of the bicycle carriage as we see Scrooge and the nephews sitting down as Scrooge explains that Donald is here on a secret mission from the FCC Navy. Of course he knows since the secret submarine is SCROOGE'S to begin with. Grimitz is such a moron at times that it's not funny. The nephews have their cameras around their neck on retainer which is not cool. Memo to nephews: If you want to be cool and impress the ladies; wear a bow tie camera. I also hear that it's good for self-defense. The nephews are really impressed as Scrooge proclaims that the details of the mission are a secret too. Nice to see Scrooge cover his ass there as he checks his pocket watch. The nephews love this because there are spies on every corner, it's Singapore and it's a secret mission. This is like wonderland to the nephews. Scrooge warns them of letting their imaginations run wild as we get some of the best animation Wang Films has ever done in the dance scene at the back.

So we logically lead to the boat as MP #1, #2, Mr. Roberts (I think) and Donald walk onto the docks. MP #1 and #2 are mingling; Mr. Roberts is checking on cargo, Donald is walking with class and someone is using the binoculars on Donald. This means DANGER for Seaman Donald Duck if you catch my drift here. We then cut to a black car as a pig spy in a leather trench coat and hat is looking out and spying on Donald. He has a German accent (according to Disney Captions; so take that with a grain of salt) as he loves spying and it's his life. He also has the Boris Badenough mustache to show that he is EVIL see. He also has the goofiest glasses I have ever seen as Donald is the one he wants. Because it's his life to spy on Donald see. He wonders if someone will make him spill the secret of the experimental periscope as we cut to inside the back seat of the car as we see a Asian lady duck with black hair wearing a violet robe with gold Y's on it, black high heels and a pink flower in her hair. She tells Victor Luzar (according to Chris Barat so he's voiced by Bernie Kopell) to remove his sunglasses so that she can prove it and Victor blows her off because he cannot resist her powers of drugging seduction from Cinnamon Teal. We then get a shot of Donald walking down the street of Singapore (which looks like an American city if it wasn't for the stereotypical dogsperson and pig furries in the scene).

Interesting Moment #1: We have our second smoking scene in DTVA not censored by Disney DVD. It's 4:49 into the DVD and if you look at the furry on the staircase on the top left; you can clearly see him/her (I think it's a she judging by the red clothes) smoking something in her mouth as there is some smoke present near her mouth. Even more revealing; there's no health promo involved here like it was with Doctor Jekyll and Mr. McDuck. How can Disney say that they are cracking down on smoking when there is clear smoking in Ducktales on their DVD's (and in one case on Toon Disney to boot)?! By the way; Cinnamon Teal is voiced by Haunani Minn and started with The Brian Keith Show as Joan in 1974 and Hawaii Five-O as Kim Matsu. She was also in M*A*S*H* and the television movie And The Soul Shall Dance. She went on to several movies such as The Man with Two Brains, Second Thoughts, Cocaine and The Blue Eyes, Young Doctors in Love and Anatomy of Illness. She also did cameos in live action television and a few cartoons including Batman The Animated Series, Static Shock and Clifford The Big Red Dog. Ducktales is his DTVA debut and appeared in Gargoyles and Lilo & Stitch The Series (which is the most recent credit). She also was in Party of Five and the video game ShellShock: Nam'67.

We cut back to Cinnamon Teal in the backseat on the front shot. And then we go with a far shot of Singapore as Donald is taking pictures with his camera. Sadly; it's not a bow tie camera; so he's not completely cool. Also; in the scene, the signs are completely in Chinese which anime dubs would have painted out since Kanji is a corrupted version of Chinese which the Japanese use. Ironically; Singapore also sees English, Maley and Tamil. Donald goes to a fish shop and says cheese to a barrel filled with fish and we even get a shot of the fish moving inside the barrel from the camera shot. Wow; Wang Films really has it's working boots on today. And he shoots the fish in the barrel. HAHA! And then we hear the nephews yell for Donald as they greet each other by shooting their cameras in each others faces. Okay; that is the oddest way to greet someone in history.

They get blinded for a second and then they do an embrace formally. Louie is hear to surprise them see as Scrooge pays the bicycle driver and only gives him one gold coin as usual and then leaves as the driver is not amused by that response. Scrooge walks to Donald and Donald then blows him cover about the secret submarine as the nephews are amazed. Scrooge takes it awfully well though as he asks Donald about how Grimitz liked his submarine. Donald tells Scrooge to forget it as they go beak to beak as the mission is a hush-hush. As they say loose beaks causes leaks. However; Scrooge swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (blasted) because he built the submarine. You mean Gyro built it Scroogie? It's not like you would get your hands dirty on technology like that; don't ye?! Donald and the nephews then blow him off because they want to have fun and stop talking business..and so they walk away north bound as Scrooge is not amused at this because talking business is his way of having fun. And Sean Malstrom wept tears of joy hearing that. He looks all Asian on the close up shot though.

So we continue on as Donald and the nephews walk on the sidewalk near some more Asian buildings as we see the black car sitting on the curb. Scrooge follow on behind as Victor starts the car and we get the inside shot with him and Cinnamon. They plan to wait until Donald is alone and then use the seduction of sex to charm him as the car drives away. That logically leads us to Asian Motel of Doom AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as the nephews say their good nights and Donald waves at them as they walk into the hotel. Scrooge then walks to Donald to ask him about the submarine; but Donald no sells because it's a secret see. Scrooge knows that and proclaims that he is very proud of Donald because it takes a real man to keep a secret. Even more so from him. HAHA! Donald likes that praise from Scrooge as Scrooge is not amused that his logic is thrust right back in his face. Donald waves goodbye to Scrooge for now and walks away clicking his heels and singing the Sailor's Life For Me song. Scrooge watches on as he is happy that the FCC Navy has brainwashed him...ERRR...I mean; made him into a fine lad. He plans to speak to Grimitz about the fine job that he is doing too. He walks into the hotel and decides to see him first thing in the morning as we head into the streets of Singapore AFTER HAPPY HOUR as the crowds are almost as lively as in the daytime. Donald walks around alone (which is not a good idea if you are from America) as Donald proclaims that the night is young and he's old enough as the black car pulls to the curb and Cinnamon greets Seaman Duck as a sailor. UH OH! I think Scrooge is going to get a nasty surprise from Grimitz in the morning.

Donald calls her toots (which will NEVER be allowed in the New Disney ever) as we get a close up shot of the car as Cinnamon's head pops out and she tells Donald to look into her eyes. Okay; that shot of her is pretty creepy. The pink to red flash eye spot even more so as Donald giggles and before he can say Hypnotize; Donald is seduced and brainwashed by Cinnamon. I think the FCC Navy needs to teach resistant skills a lot better than they are now. Donald's ups the creep factor by two by having Wii blue and Gedo yellow eyes. Man; that is going to make mocking the hardcore even tougher for me now. Cinnamon opens the back door and Donald sells it and walks inside the back seat. Ah; I see the charming doesn't affect his sexism one bit. The black car drives away and heads to the docks and the boat. We then go back inside the car with charming stock music in the background as Victor tells Cinnamon to give Donald his instruction. Cinnamon orders Donald to return to his ship as Donald opens the door and tries to walk out; but Victor grabs him and pulls him inside because the instructions are not done yet. HAHA! Next we cut to a motor boat in the harbor as MP #1 is sailing the boat with Donald behind him as Cinnamon narrates to him to speak to no one. MP #1 asks Donald if he had a good time last night and Donald no sells as MP #1 chuckles that he had a good time. Of course he did; considering that he looks absolutely STONED! Oh; those cooky job-value based entertainers; what will they think of next? Okay; I do know and it scares the crap right out of me.

So we go topside on the carrier as Donald walks in drunk and stoned as Cinnamon narrates the orders to go to the secret submarine hidden within your ship. We then cut to inside the bowels of the carrier (NOT THOSE ONES!) and Donald enters inside the submarine control room unnoticed and he punches in his clearance password on the periscope to remove the master computer link from the secret periscope and then he tears out the controls completely. Wow; those drugs are really strong?! I guess Cinnamon is a steroid user and got hers from...say it with me...Larson and Gary. Cinnamon narrates the whole charm thing as Donald puts the control panel on his hat and Cinnamon blows him off because it's under the hat and calls him stupid to boot. I think Cinnamon is being a meanie here. If she wants to see stupid; Grimitz is the better subject. He is told to return to the city as he leaves. However; the security video camera is beeping banana yellow (Figures; knowing the FCC Navy.) as it captures the whole thing. We then cut back to the motor boat as MP #1 (or #2) sail Donald back to the city as he asks if Donald wants more. This guy is a total idiot for not noticing the control panel on top of his head and that the sailor hat Donald's wearing doesn't fly away in the wind despite not being secured on his head. How about that?! Chris is right; the FCC Navy is REALLY STUPID. Donald tips his hat and then puts it on as MP #1 seems to grow a brain for a second; but never uses it though.

So we logically cut to the streets of Singapore as the crowds are getting bigger by the second. Cinnamon tells him to go to the Cloak And Dagger Club on the street of the retching camel and he goes inside the place as I don't see a retching camel anywhere in the scene. I guess Disney cut that one out for some reason. So we go inside to the Asian club as Donald walks like a stoned, tired zombie as we get to see Mexican spy pig in a peach trench coat and black pant asks him for secrets for only $50 American (Peter Cullen). Donald no sells and keeps walking stage left. We then see a French dogsperson who looks tanned in a black hat, gray trench coat with blond hair (Russi Taylor) tell Donald to go to the Kaldevian Embassy and to speak to no one. Donald no sells that of course as he makes it to the entrance as a dogsperson with a green hat, brown mustache and brown trench coat with a British accent (Ed Gilbert again) as he said the seagulls perches on the steeple in the rain. Donald no sells and makes it to Cinnamon's table as he tips his hat at her and still calls her toots. Cinnamon thanks him for the job well done and pats him on the head as she grabs the control panel. Donald thanks her calling her toots of course as Victor walks in and tells Cinnamon to get rid of him quickly. Cinnamon tells Donald that when he steps outside the club, he will come out of his trance and remember nothing. Donald leaves calling her toots again as Victor demands that Cinnamon give him the computer link; but Cinnamon hides the device behind her back and calls Victor a loser.

See she wants the documents as Victor gives her a folder of documents that would put her in prison in exchange for the device that would get him in the espionage hall of fame. They exchange stuff without further incident and Cinnamon tells him to leave by the back door like the rest of the garbage. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Victory uses his glasses to greet her goodbye and chuckles as he walks through the back door. So we head to the front door as Donald walks out of the club and of course he snaps out of his trance. Donald wonders what happened and he claims to be having fun. Man; the drugs are flowing in this episode as the spotlight beckons and we see on the far shot MP #1 and MP #2 jumping out of their cars with clubs in hand as they see Seaman Duck. UH OH! This is not going to end well for Donald; I just know it. Donald is cuffed as he wants answers as they arrest him for spying and high treason as they drag him away stage right with billy clubs which ends the segment 10 and a half minutes in..

After the commercial break; we head to the harbor as Scrooge and the nephews have a motor boat and they head to the FCC Navy carrier. And so we head into Grimitz's War Room of Doom as Grimitz plays with his boats on the global map. Seriously; that is what he does. He laughs because he loves it when things go boom; even when he is role playing. The red ships are winning against the Wii blue ships. I knew Grimitz was a Sony lover! I just needed the episode to prove that evidence. And so Scrooge and the nephews walk in and greet Grimitz before any more damage can be done to his Wii. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Good lord; that shot was painful. Right in the sperm! Grimitiz is so ashamed of acting like a manchild that he hides his Wii boats behind his back and tries to act adult. You are not fooling anymore Admiral Red Ocean Grimitz. You might as well be Microsoft's PR director and be done with it. After all; they love stuff that goes kablooey as well as the choir that they play to. Huey is not fooled as they are toys. HAHA! Which ones; the boats or Grimitz? AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm..

The nephews get onto the world board and start playing with the boats just to make Grimitz look like the man child that he is. Grimitz runs in and grabs the boats before any more damage is done to his reputation. See; that are his Pentagon issued naval battle simulators. You know the Pentagon looks like a Star of David sort of. Never mind; just something that I thought was better in my head. Scrooge tells the nephews to be at ease and the nephews jump off as Scrooge asks of the FCC Navy will buy his submarine. Grimitz proclaims that he is not because court marshaling Seaman Donald Duck is more interesting to him. Scrooge is SHOCKED AND APPALLED (in that order) and asks why. Grimitz tells them that Donald stole the computer link to the secret submarine as the room suddenly grows darker for some reason. Must be a bad part of the master tape. Grimitz tells them also that if the other side gets it; the ship building contract will go kablooey. And of course Grimitz won't sell because he likes things going kablooey. I think Scrooge should never deal with the FCC Navy ever again. I know that they are customers; but this is getting way over the line even for them. The nephews do the standard “He didn't do it” speech and I betcha Grimitz shows them the video tape of the theft which was shown on the camera earlier in the scene. I check the DVD.....Damn; I'm good. And an obvious logic break: Grimitz claims that the camera is in black & white; so when Scrooge is handed the photograph of Donald stealing the computer link; it's in full color. Bad, bad form there Wang Films; or bad, bad form there writers. I don't care who it is. PICK ONE! Scrooge and Grimitz admit that he looks strange...although they don't go all the way to say that he was stoned.

So we head to the brig as Donald is sitting in a jail cell sulking to himself as usual. Look on the bright side; at least you are not peeling onions or potatoes this time around. The nephews, Scrooge and Grimitz run in as Donald goes to the iron bars and tells Scrooge that he didn't do it. Scrooge knows that he's innocent because he's not a blabbermouth that would sell out his country or his favorite uncle. Huey proclaims that he could never be a spy and Donald agrees. I do too; after all Donald would MURDER someone if anyone knew anything about him that wasn't his closest friends. See why the FCC Navy was a bad idea for him? Anyhow; Donald relates that he looked into a woman's eyes and then the next time he knew he was arrested as Grimitz proclaims that he was arrested at the Cloak & Dagger Club (which kind of makes the FCC Navy look dumb since that club should have been shut down ages ago. Of course; international waters, law and all that.) as Scrooge deduces that he was hypnotized. NO?! REALLY?! It sure works since it worked on Baloo in A Star Is Torn and he didn't look half stoned as Donald Duck was. Grimitz mocks Scrooge for that one as his funny faces are so bad that I want to punch him in the face for it. Dewey explains the fine art of hypnosis to Louie to force the point across and Louie calls that evidence that Donald is normal. No wonder Grimitz is mocking Scrooge. Louie isn't helping Scrooge in any way. Traitor!! Anyhow; Scrooge tells Donald that they will get to the bottom of this mystery and Donald tells him to hurry since the court martial is at noon as Scrooge and the nephews leave as Grimitz mocks them again as Donald's career in the FCC Navy is kablooey. Geez; what a maroon this Grimitz fellow is.

So we head inside the Cloak & Dagger Club of Doom as Scrooge and the nephews enter inside. Scrooge calls it the most despicable den of spies in the world. I would add the most idiotic den of spies in the world to boot; but that would be overkill. Scrooge and the nephews walk towards the Mexican spy who offers secrets for $50 American. See what I mean by stupid?! Scrooge asks him about the secret submarine. And why is MP #2 sitting in the background? And why hasn't he been arrested yet?! Oh; my head hurts. Check 13:17 into the DVD. They talk about the computer link and Louie asks for $50 American. Which is exactly what the guy gives him. He's officially dumber than Grimitz now; only less vile. So we go to the female French spy at the table as she states the exact same thing she told Donald last night and Dewey notices her. And she steals the $50 that Louie got from the Mexican spy. I see BS&P doesn't want the female spies to be stupid in order to keep the feminists at bay. So Scrooge and the nephew go through the door and the umbrella of the British spy stops them and he states the same thing he told Donald earlier. Scrooge gleefully blows him off because frogs fly in the wind. The spy thinks he's good and asks him about what he wants to know as Scrooge groans on that one. HAHA! Scrooge asks about a beautiful woman with hypnotic eyes. The spy points to Cinnamon Teal as we cut to a room with a banana yellow table and cushion seats as Cinnamon Teal is sitting down reading a menu I guess.

Scrooge tells the nephews to stay behind so he can deal with Cinnamon alone. Scrooge uses the cane to pull away the brown bead curtain and he calls Cinnamon out. Cinnamon is not pleased with this as she puts the documents behind her back. Scrooge gleefully explains the excuse for me and then sits down opposite to Cinnamon as Cinnamon wants answers. And Scrooge wants answers as to why Donald was hypnotized by her to steal the computer link. Cinnamon gold bricks on that one because she is not a spy. She tries to seduce Scrooge; but Scrooge invokes the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT to stop that. I see Kit stole that one for Sale Vandersnoot in the Clouding Riches fanfic that I wrote. Scrooge gleefully blows her off as Cinnamon does the Gruffi pose and then goes to the conivently placed light switch to her right as she blows him off. She turns on...THE SWITCH.....and that causes the cushion to reveal a trapdoor under Scrooge's ass and he falls in despite looking too big for it. He loses the shades of course as we cut to downstairs inside the brick room as we see Scrooge slide down through a trap door and drops on his ass with a wussy bump. Sigh.

Anyhow; Scrooge gets up and dusts himself as he blows off Cinnamon Teal for thinking that this is going to get rid of him. And of course he gets screwed as the BIG HAND OF DEATH grabs him by his neck and chokes him. OUCH! That has got to smart. Scrooge realizes the error of his ways as we cut back to Cinnamon Teal at the table proclaiming that she needs to destroy the evidence before anyone comes along. Considering that the nephews should be WATCHING from afar; I think she's too late on that one. Cinnamon then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and realizes that the documents are fake. We know this because it sezs Fake Document on the bottom clearly written. And Al Khan has another heart attack. She's as dumb as the other spies; only she has the seduction value that gives her the slight edge. That makes Victor the smartest one in the entire room. Cinnamon calls out Victor Loser (Oh I see; that's what Disney Captions calls him; I like Luzer better since it sounds like a German name and not an native American name.) as she leaves the table through the beads. And then the nephews walk in looking for Scrooge. Just now?! Why didn't they notice SOMETHING odd....Never mind; that's logic break #3 for the episode. Louie goes over to Cinnamon Teal's side and notices...THE SWITCH....Dewey and Louie are sitting on Scrooge's side and they tell Louie to push it and see what happen. Louie throws...THE SWITCH...and the trap door on the cushion opens and down goes Dewey and Huey. Louie then dives in for fun as the cushion trap door closes and that ends the segment 15 and a half minutes in. Okay episode thus far....

After the commercial break; we go to the celler as the nephews slide down and take better bumps than Scrooge on the cold cement floor. OUCH! That is going to leave a mark. On the cement floor. They look forward and gasp in horror as we see Scrooge being choked by a Singapore bouncer dressed in Asian gear. Geez; how bigoted can you get guys?! The bouncer is about to invoke the nasty chop to Scrooge; but the nephews blitz in and we get the FCC FRIENDLY DUSTCLOUD FIGHT OF DEATH to waste some time. Cinnamon walks in and orders everyone to stop which they all do because no one wants to be seduced by her. Cinnamon asks Scrooge for help as Scrooge calls this a mighty strange way of asking for it. The bouncer is Ho and it's Seven Drawfs promo cutting from the nephews as Scrooge is put down gently (NOT THAT WAY!). Scrooge blows off Ho anyway as Scrooge asks why he should help. Cinnamon exchanges notes on the situation and Scrooge blows it off; daring her to look in his eyes in saying that. And then Scrooge catches himself and bails like the coward that he is. HEE HEE! And then he nearly punches Ho and Scrooge has to catch himself again and wave to him. HAHA! Scrooge decides to trust him after all.

So we logically head to the FCC Navy carrier as we head on deck with Grimitz, Mr. Roberts, MP #1 and #2, Former Seaman Donald Duck and about half a dozen sailors as Grimitz proclaims that to Mr. Roberts (who seems to be back in white sailor gear. I guess he was demoted after the incident.) that it's great time to have a court martial. Because somehow; someone is going to go kablooey; right Grimitz? Donald is wailing and sulking on cue. He has been found guilty of high treason and spying. Now logic would proclaim that Donald would be shot dead by a firing squad at this point; but BS&P wouldn't allow it of course as Donald is only going to be drummed out of the FCC Navy. I think that is not only a form of mercy; it's a relief to all Donald Duck fans everywhere. Ironically; when Time Bandit came around; Rebecca was allowed to be executed by firing squad (and overkill at that), but Baloo and Kit stopped it in time. And then logic breaks as Mr. Robert is back in his gold uniform on the close shot. Grimitz claims it's his sad duty and I'm not buying it as he chews out his sleeping drummers on the right as they wake up on cue lest they get court martial and MP #2 starts drumming. Grimitz orders Donald to turn in his duffel bag and calls him a traitor. Why bother with this? If you commit high treason: YOU SHOULD BE SHOT!

The FCC Navy is officially worse than Thembria. Sure; they have weird weapons to use; but they can try to kill someone when they don't have a bullet shortage. Donald turns in his duffel bag and Grimitz throws it away as Donald groans. Seriously; this is not funny as Grimitz tears his stripes away as Donald wails even worse. Why not just tear the shirt while you are at it Grimitz? And for all the kablooey stuff you said in this episode; why not just pay off the joke and try to shoot Donald dead?! So Scrooge walks in with the nephews as Scrooge stops the dumbest execution in history as he has proof with Cinnamon Teal in tow as the woman who hypnotized him. Grimitz blows him off because he doesn't believe in that crap; and I betcha Cinnamon hypnotizes him and it works. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good as Cinnamon calls him a dainty ballerina and Grimitz sells it and dances like a dainty ballerina. HAHA! The execution may be the worst in history; but the stoppage of it is top notch. He even steals the flag to use as a dress and the sailors laugh their asses off at his expense. HAHA!

And now we go to the docks as the black arrives with Victor Luzar in the front seat as he pushes on his old radio and it turns into a secret control panel with a television. How about that for style?! He places the computer link into the conveniently placed slot. Memo to FCC Navy: Never build a computer link that can easily fit into a person's car. Just so you would like to know. And to think; I have to put up with the FCC Navy in the next episode rant this weekend. Victor loves spying and he's not trying. Geez; he's just a villain for the sake of being a villain. If he's was truly entertaining like Don Karnage; then screw the back story for Don. Otherwise; this doesn't work out well as we cut to the secret submarine as it sells the computer link as we cut back to on deck of the carrier as Grimitz is still dancing like a moron and a maroon put together and Cinnamon Teal decides that enough foolishness has occurred and she snaps Grimitz out of his trance. Grimitz wonders what is going on and Scrooge declares it as the art of hypnosis and evidence that Donald was not responsible for his action. Sadly; this kind of thing would be abused by lawyers as equal to people committing murder and violence through violent media and video games; so the whole thing turned out to be a total backfire to the writers. Not that I mind seeing Grimitz in a dress dancing like a ballerina; but you get the picture.

And then the alarm beckons as MP #1 hears the noise and apparently the secret submarine is being stolen. NO?! REALLY?! The carrier doors on front open and the secret sub drives away as everyone notices it. Grimitz calls it his kabooley machine. NO?! REALLY?! Now I would have LOVED to see Grimitz try to have Donald executed by the sub; just for irony sake. Donald proclaims that he is here to save the submarine for Grimitz as he jumps right onto the periscope of the submarine in beautiful, glorious slow motion. He gets onto the periscope and of course the submarine DIVES, DIVES, AROOGA, AROOOOOOOOGGGGGGAAA! Grimitz orders Donald to not give up the ship (an ode to the first episode of Treasure of the Golden Suns as that was the official episode title.) and Donald salutes him as the submarine completely dives into the water. HAHA!

We cut back to Victor Luzar as he plays in his car controlling the sub and states to it to come to papa. Somehow; that gets more disturbing the more I hear that promo. He pushes and pulls on the lever (WRONG LEVER!) as he is going to get the submarine and sell it to the highest bidder. So we cut to a water shot near the carrier as Scrooge and Cinnamon Teal are in the motor boat and Scrooge tells the nephews to stay on the carrier where it's safe. That is so Doraish of you Scroogie. Oh well; they need to practice for Ducks on Deck anyway. So the motorboat speeds away in S-curves as we see the submarine rise from the water and Donald is still perfectly on the periscope. Now that is making your webfeet stick to something without glue. Donald is such an evil genius. No wonder BS&P screwed him up for Mickey Mouse Club afterward.

Donald blows some water away and squeezes his hat for fun as he climbs down and enters the submarine through the hatch as the submarine heads for the docks right in front of Victor Luzar. Victor Luzar runs a bit with the computer link and jumps onto the submarine and then enters through the same porthole Donald went in. He climbs down the ladder and inserts the computer link right into the place where Donald tore it from and that turns the submarine onto manual control I guess. Victor sits in the orange chair and starts playing around with the controls. He pushes some buttons as it's a sailing we go as we cut to Donald with the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE sneak up from behind and of course he does the evil chuckle to show who is the master of the nasty heel chuckle. Victor then tells the submarine to DIVE, DIVE, AROOGA, AROGGGGGGGAAAAA! I'm sorry; but my friends vision of Dive Man from Mega Man 4 is too funny not to abuse. He pushes the green button and realizes that he is the captain and the crew. He laughs and then the submarine tilts and Donald slides and gets tied up in his own ropes while bouncing right on his back and head. OUCH! Good bumping there Seaman Dumkoff (as sezs Victor). Donald goes into his temper of course as Victor decides to finish tying up Donald Duck because it's almost as good as spying see.

He finishes tying Donald and then throws him away stage right as we cut to the FCC Navy Carrier as Grimitz tells them to weigh anchor as he wants to block the port with the carrier. I think the area is way too big for one carrier to stop a submarine and all the submarine has to do is go UNDER the carrier. This Admiral Grimitz is SO STUPID. See no one gets past him as he forces the point to the nephews. So we cut to the motorboat speeding on as Scrooge and Cinnamon look for the submarine. Cinnamon then invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH as the submarine dives back to the surface as Scrooge likes that of course. The motorboat turns around as we cut to inside the submarine as Victor is with the periscope as he proclaims that they cannot stop him as long as he has the super torpedoes. I see someone like to go kablooey and the irony seems to not fall on Grimitz's head. Then again; he is like a fundie and has no sense. It's still better than having contempt for such; but whatever. Donald is on his belly tied up at back as he does the standard “never get away with this” speech that I don't like anymore. Victor asks who is going to stop him? Well; we have Scrooge and Cinnamon on your ass and Donald's inside. I say they have at least three chances to stop you there Victor?

That is not good odds for you. I would add Grimitz; but he's a maroon as they say. Donald grunts like mad as we cut to the motorboat as it turns around as Cinnamon proclaims that he's firing torpedoes and Scrooge panics (terrible acting there Alan Young) because the nephews are on the ship. We then cut back to the periscope as he proclaims that he may fire when ready and he's ready. Of course you are; at least you have stone to kill someone; unlike Grimitz on a certain so called traitor. He speaks German on cue and giggles as the super torpedoes fire as the sensor picks up the motorboat and the seeking missiles go after Scrooge and Cinnamon's motorboat. Cinnamon panics and the acting the worst I have heard this side of Sindy McKay. So Scrooge punishes her by pushing her into the ocean and she splashes down. I smell Toon Disney cut here as Scrooge proclaims that taking a swim is safer than driving with him. Good CONTINUITY from Duckworth's Revolt as Cinnamon pops up and watches the missiles go as Scrooge goes towards the sandy desert beach and turns around in a U-Turn and the missiles go Kablooey into the shore. Well; at least Grimitz got his kablooey intake in today. Everyone on the carrier cheers for victory on that one. Grimitz kisses his hands and that is pretty gross for a guy who loves to blow up stuff.

So we cut back to Victor in the submarine on the periscope (RECYCLED SCENES IS EXTREME!) as he proclaims that there is more where that came from. He tries to fire the torpedoes again and speaks in German and somehow he turns into a zombie and walks away. And if you cannot guess who he was peeping through the periscope when saying that; then you have no business reading this rant. Donald gets back on his feet hopping around as he wants to know what is going on here as Victor walks away dazed and confused. Donald goes to the periscope and greets Cinnamon again by using toots again. We cut to a periscope shot and see Cinnamon Teal waving at him. Ah; isn't that the sweetest thing?! And naturally she is on the periscope now. I remember this sequence being about ten seconds longer than it actually was; but whatever. We then cut to the carrier as the front opens and the submarine goes in as Grimitz proclaims that it's all over and nothing important went kablooey. Unless you count the empty A-Team like desert beach of course. But who care about the starfish on that beach anyway? It's not like there was any living things on it....

We then cut to the Mps with billy clubs as they have Victor Luzar (who finally lived up to Disney Caption's version of the name) and he and Scrooge have a staring contest. Scrooge grabs the real documents from Victor's coat and he orders Victor to be taken away as it is close to BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (Sunset). Cinnamon takes the documents and thanks Scrooge for them. Grimitz give him his court martial papers to Seaman Duck and Scrooge gets the documents and contract for 20 more submarines. And knowing Grimitz; I betcha Donald Duck has the contracts and he tears them up and Scrooge has the court martial papers. Donald and Cinnamon tear up the papers on cue as they have been waiting to do this forever as Donald is back at the FCC Navy and Cinnamon is apparently cleared on all McGruffin charges. The nephews cheer for victory as Scrooge decides to open up the papers and he reads them and I have only one thing to say....Damn; I'm good. The ship building contract torn pieces fly away into the wind as Grimitz and Donald Duck are seriously (insert swear word here). Scrooge is pissed off beyond belief as the torn pieces of paper get flung into the city at sunset. Grimitz is such a maroon. HEE HEE! The FCC Navy carrier sails away to end the episode at 21:14. Just your average Ducktales love in with Donald Duck bringing some laughs. Man; the FCC Navy is truly stupid. *** 1/2 (70%).


Well; this episode was just other average episode in the Ducktales run to the top. The story was actually quite solid in spite of the obvious ethnic stereotypes in this episode. Although Cinnamon Teal look like a really good character as a tweener and had a really good gimmick in her seduction tactics. However; I still felt the charges she got where McGruffin-equse and she never really was cleared of any of charges as she merely ripped up the documents and therefore she probably got away with crimes which were never really explained. Also; I found Grimitz's court martial to be an absolute joke as spying and treason is usually grounds for firing squad and BS&P apparently wouldn't allow it even though Allowance Day and Time Bandit allowed it much later.

They did make it up with Grimitz dressed up as a ballerina. Donald Duck was funny when he needed to be and him being stoned is pretty creepy. There were several logic breaks and quite a few coloring mistakes from Wang Films which renders this as another decent episode. Next weekend I do the final three regular episodes in the regular rotation. The first one is another FCC Navy story and Donald Duck's return along with the appearance of the Phantom Blot. The second one features a parody of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and the final one is Scrooge getting married to a creepy Morgana like gold digger and it leads to the most awesome deus ex machina ending in DTVA history. Then from there; it's only two major stories and they are both five parters as they debut the characters who made the show jump the shark and another who turned out to be really funny; but was never used enough for sure. So.....

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.


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