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Till Nephews Do Us Part
If anyone objects to this wedding; please shoot Scroogie now; or forever hold your peace.
And for the entire Volume 3 set; we finally end our regular 22 minute episodes here with an episode that will shock and appall you until the very end as we have finally come to one of the most awesome deux ex machina endings in DTVA history. As in Mach One In The Gipper type of finishes. So how is the actual episode? Let's rant on shall we....?!
This episode is written by Ken Koonce and David Weimers (that's #7 for the duo). The story is edited by Tedd Anasti and Pasty Cameron.
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM we zoom in and cut to the nephews room as Louie stops the alarm clock on the dresser drawer with his hand (NOT THOSE ONES!) and the nephews all wake up in color coordinated striped pj's. They then change their clothes as their shirts are underneath their PJ's. How about that?! They run into the hallway because there is a camping trip in our mists. They also have their camping backpacks and hats as they fly like airplanes. I wonder sometimes...Nah; couldn't be. They go up the dumb waiter together into the kitchen as Mrs. Beakly is at the table cooking up something good. Well; it cannot be any worse than Grammi's cooking. SPLAT! OUCH! Ummm...The nephews run off as Mrs. Beakly blows them off for riding the dumb waiter. HAHA! Yeah; we don't want anyone to get any bad idea out of that, right Mrs. Beakly? The nephews go into the booking room as they tell Scrooge that they are ready to go to Malaria. Geez; all we need is dramatic cancer music and the whole thing would be a joke. Scrooge thankfully corrects him as Malaysia. Huey talks about lost relish and I betcha Scrooge corrects that as lost relics. And damn; I'm good as Scrooge is going treasure hunting for lost relics in Malaysia. Ah; I can see now why some people think Ducktales was so repetitive. Including a few TaleSpin fans that I know.
The nephews want to go camping and try to leave; but Scrooge stops them because the area is owned by the Web Corporation and it would be trespassing see. Nice attention to detail there Scroogie. Too bad most writers ignore that little tidbit in their stories nowadays. The nephews are completely confused on this as Duckworth comes in and reminds them of Mr. Hagglegander from last week chased them out of her apple trees with the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DOOM. Yeah; that kind of trespassing. Odd that the nephews are being THIS naïve as Chris Barat would say at this point. Scrooge then has an interesting plan to make sure no one chases them and that is to buy the land from Web Corps. Scrooge then tells Duckworth to take him to the Web Corps as soon as possible of ASAP which I'm sure will miff a lot of grammar queens the world over. Duckworth is thankful because he called him a sap. HAHA! After the Ducky Horror Picture Show; I think it's safe to say that Duckworth is a Grade A sap. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...
So we head to the Web Corps which so happens to be the most shiny building in Duckberg. We then zoom down to ground level as the shining sparkle is the only thing notable about the building (other than the dollar sign above the American Flag). The limo is there as Scrooge jumps out onto the sidewalk as he tells Duckworth to keep the engine running. Scrooge goes to the front door which is Wii blue and has the name in gold M. Vanderbucks, president. He walks past the doors inside and goes to the female duck receptionist who is wearing a green dress with a dollar sign on it; red lips, orange earrings and has black hair. He tells her that he wants to see Mr. Vanderbucks as he has business with him, man to man. I betcha the female duck is M. Vanderbucks; as in Millionaira Vanderbucks. The Lady Bane voice (Tress MacNeille for the first time since the Golden Fleecing) gives it away. Damn; I'm good as Scrooge is SHOCKED to hear that. Scrooge then finally gets it as Vanderbucks is the president of a lot of companies. That sounds like the cartoon version of the Terry Garvin School of Self Defense (basically; it means a wrestler used sex to get a push in the wrestling business as the joke implies.) as Scrooge remember her profile in Ms. Fortune magazine. And it was quite a profile too as Ms. Vanderbucks asks what he wants and Scrooge sits on the desk to make an offer that she cannot refuse.
And then we get the scene changer and Scrooge gets kicked out of the office as Scrooge is SHOCKED AND APPALLED that she refused. Vanderbucks blows him off because she is the richest woman in the world and she doesn't make stupid deals with anyone. It's too bad that she is a heel in this episode because if she were babyface; the feminists would be cheering this on in unison. She wants twice the amount of MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Well; so much for not making stupid deals to anyone as I see she's wearing a red skirt too. I think I see why Rebecca Cunningham's dress was changed at the last minute now. Scrooge calls it robbery while Vanderbucks calls it profit. HAHA! Memo to Scrooge: Content and values. You are forgetting that again. Vanderbucks however comes back and decides to play hard to get a little as she would like to make a fair deal over dinner. Scrooge brushes his top hat and sees this as a good idea. Scrooge agrees to a 7:00 at the mansion and Vanderbucks agrees to it as Scrooge trips over a cigarette trash can for fun when she talks about bank statements.
So we head inside the room of the nephews as the nephews are still with their camping gear and they see that Scrooge is back. They run to the front door as Scrooge enters and he looks seriously (insert swear word here). They still want to go and Scrooge has no clue what they are talking about as Huey still cannot pronounce relics right. Scrooge of course hasn't struck the deal yet as he tells the nephews to dress up because the president of the company is here and he wants to make a good first impression. The nephews agree to it as this is a presto changeo. Ooooookkkkkayyyy. The nephews leave as we logically go to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as the black car (the same on Cinnamon Teal was sitting in the episode Spies In Their Eyes.) drives into the driveway in front of the mansion. We then go inside to the front lobby as the babyfaces are all wearing formal gear and Webby finally shows up for a change. She is wearing a pink dress; Mrs. Beakly is herself as well as Duckworth while the nephews have their formal black gear on which assures that I won't be able to tell them apart during the meal. Scrooge runs down the steps as the doorbell rings and Scrooge is panting like a dog as running through 47 rooms wears him out. Need Wii Fit...STAT!
Duckworth goes to the front door and opens it to reveal Mrs. Vanderbucks in a classy red dress with some gold metal trim and black gloves with black heels. Very classy for a sneaky heel there. She is also wearing dollar sign earrings as Scrooge greets her and Vanderbucks breaks the ice early claiming the comparison of the mansion to her cabin in the Vienna woods. Scrooge considers expansion as we cut to the nephews and Webby and the nephews are not amused and Webby looks mad. Okay; I can understand Molly Cunningham being absolutely sure that Convington was a creep hell bent on screwing Rebecca simply because we KNOW he was a crook from the start and therefore the sympathy was with her over her mother (even though Rebecca really didn't know about him to start with); here there is nothing to indicate that Webby should be mad at her or the nephews look unimpressed. Now when she starts becoming a piss ant later on; then their behavior starts becoming apporos. Here; it's too soon for them to be suspious. Thankfully; they recoil and greet Mrs. Vanderbucks when she addresses them in a nice way. Then Vanderbucks shakes hands and nearly blows her cover right there by calling them ghastly and then recoiling to say charming. Okay; now Webby and the nephews have every right to be questioning her loyalties now. Nice to see KK/DW kill that contriveness right out of the starting gate. Scrooge and Vanderbucks walk off as Dewey and the nephews are not convinced that she is sincere. Webby then cuts a cute promo about offering an apple in the forest and not eating it. Somehow; I'm suspecting that promo is going to come into play later on.
So we go into the dining room (which looks beautiful by the way) as the nephews, Webby, Scrooge and Vanderbucks are sitting down. Scrooge and Vanderbucks are staring at each other as they exchange notes on their lives. See; his first words were “cheap, cheap, cheap”. Now THAT's a really good pun as Vanderbucks states that they were her first words too. I'm starting to see why the nephews don't like kissy-kissy stuff which sadly is going to happen at some point before this episode is over. They call it uncanny and then giggle it up as the nephews and Webby on the pan shot left are colored unimpressed. Vanderbucks decides to sell the land after all and then they walk out as the nephews give the thumbs up and feel that Vanderbucks isn't so bad after all. Scrooge and Vanderbucks walk out the door as she thinks that they could do beautiful business deals together. She then sees a statue of Goldie on the dresser and I'm certain that nothing symbolic will come of it; no siree. They go towards the front door and Scrooge does some kissy-kissy on the gloves as he calls this a beautiful business affair and giggles. The nephews are not impressed by this grossness. I see that they don't like girls as they give them cooties; I guess. They wonder what is wrong with Scrooge. It's called the POWER OF LOVE~! SMACK!
I see that they are wearing color coordinated bow ties so I am wrong again when it comes to not telling them apart. Duckworth comes in and gleefully answers THAT one for me. And of course as I would say: wallet is a nice way of saying ass in this cartoon. Duckworth leaves as Huey groans really badly on this one because Scrooge is mushing out. Is he implying that Scrooge is turning into a pussy? I thought he was already there and we call it senile. AHHAHAHAHAHA! BONK! OUCH! Ummmm...Dewey does the Gruffi pose just to annoy me. See; it's hard to have sympathy for them now because (a) Treehouse Syndrome was a big problem in DTVA in the 1980's and early 1990's and (b) Vanderbucks hasn't really revealed her facade enough to us to make me have sympathy on their level. So I end up seeing the nephews as heels and Vanderbucks as the sad babyface who gets no respect. We then get a shot of Scrooge outside waving to Mrs. Vanderbucks as we zoom out to the inside of the black car as Vanderbucks is impressed with her work and basically reveals the facade right there. Excellent! That pretty much eliminates all the sympathy I had for Vanderbucks right there (motive is still pending) as the car drives away and she laughs badly. Nice background effects out there as we cut to inside as Scrooge closes the door and the nephews ask if they can go on the camping trip now. Scrooge is charmed drunk to the gill as he wants to find the lost relish of Malaria later and wants to make deals with Vanderbucks. Yeap; he is totally drunk with THE POWER OF LOVE now. And nothing...AND THE ROCKS MEANS NOTHING can stop him now. Scrooge staggers stage left as the nephews decide to watch him closely.
So that leads to the scene changer as it's morning and we see a horse and carriage in the park as a dogsperson with a top har and blue outfit riding the horse as in the back a couple (one with blond hair and one with red hair with a blue baseball cap) are affected by the POWER OF LOVE~! The heart halo on top of their heads gives it away. And so an Armored Truck passes behind them as Scrooge and Vanderbucks are riding shot gun behind it. Yes; the POWER OF LOVE is like bad alcohol; who knew? The nephews were hiding behind a bush along with Webby and none of them are amused by this at all. So we go to the pan shot of all the couples displaying public displays of affection and kissy-kissy stuff. Mostly dogspeople, ducks and pigs of course. I'm guessing Peter Cullen and either Russi, Joan or Tress did the chatter here. We pan over to a wooden park bench as Vanderbucks (in regular business gear plus stylist green trim brown hat) and Scrooge read the newspaper sitting down and enjoying quoting the stock market. Okay; this is not being drunk; this is them sobering up. The marketplace can do that to you if you pay attention to it enough. Vanderbucks calls this sweet things as she gets all cuddly with Scrooge and feels her profits soar as she has dollar signs in her eyes. I think Scrooge does as well. So we cut to the sidewalk on a street as Vanderbucks and Scrooge walk around the corner and they do some window shopping seeing in the window a set of his and her wallets complete with gold trim and gold dollar signs just above the pearl necklace. Scrooge wants to buy them and they wonder when they will end as they go into the shop as we cut to a bench as the nephews and Webby are reading the big ass newspaper and they look on not impressed with this POWER OF LOVE~!
They look at the shop and then we cut back to inside the hallway as the nephews and Webby are pacing around sulking because Scrooge hasn't played with them or read to them in weeks. There is a picture of Goldie with her blunderbuss on the right side of the wall. Nah; couldn't be. Webby notices the picture and decides to remind Scrooge how much she loves Goldie and maybe he will forget about Vanderbucks. Huey thinks that is a good MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN as Goldie's shotgun will trump Millionara's arrow. You don't know the half of it Huey Duck. So we logically cut to Scrooge's personal quarters as the two continue to charm each other on the red love seat (HA!) as Vanderbucks likes the short name Millie. Okay; I'll use that because it is easier to spell and it will be less waste on the storage side. They continue the charming session as Millie calls him Scroogie Bucks. I almost spit my Pepsi hearing that one; even more so when Scrooge talks about compound interest.
Scrooge holds her hands as he rises up and proclaims that he wants a merger with Millie. Can you say marriage? I knew you could which pretty much gives away the ending in advance. I think the reason why you didn't see Baloo and Rebecca marry was two fold: The right side thought it was sex (which they hate); the left thought that it oppressed females into servitude with men. The rest of us thought they were absurd; but they got shouted down. Funny how that works since gamers seemly do the same thing now. The nephews have the picture of Goldie as Millie calls Scrooge Sugar Stocks. It is considered a perposal as Millie is Scrooge's little Corporate Cupcake. They agree to the terms as she is now Miss Millie McDuck now as the happy drunk couple walk out of the room wanting to see Millie's accountant as Scrooge is the happiest man in his tax bracket. Too bad most children will never get that until it's too late to revive the show. Give over it Warren Specter. There is no chance in hell for a Ducktales remake in any form much less a video game. I don't think Epic Mickey is going to pass muster either even if it goes back to it's root because his current image casts a large shadow over everything. What do you expect from a character that is in the Top Ten in people knowing it?!
So we see the nephews in the hallway and then they go back into their rooms as Millie Vanderbucks walks down the hallway with a bird in a black suit and black pants with black shoes. He has gray hair and looks like a bigger version of J. Gander Hooter from Darkwing Duck. I believe that he is the preacher and damn it to hell if I'm wrong later on. We cut to the nephews and Webby in a human chain ladder spot hiding behind the door as they look on while Millie is in love with Scrooge's money and is going to make some changes. Mrs. Beakly and Duckworth will be fired; the nephews and Webby will be sent to military and Snobbily Stuck Up Finishing School. Ooooooo....and it's because she is going to use her as a tool to become like her to keep the legacy going. Okay; now the nephews and Webby have a legit case to stop this marriage....ERRR...I mean merger. She proclaims that things will be nicer with her in charge as she laughs badly and the nephews do the cut throat sign (Possible Toon Disney Cut commencing!) which ends the segment nine and a half minutes in. Now this episode is starting to get good.
After the commercial break; we go to the hallway as the nephews and Webby look around and see that the coast is clear. They then practice the fine art of not being seen as their clothes are on a stick and they make it down the stairs and they have a meeting of minds with Mrs. Beakly. And it wasn't at the dumb waiter. Mrs. Beakly wants answers to this sneaking and Webby basically states that they are running away. Now if I was going to make a case here; I would not call Millie mean. Besides; I would have said: “We overheard Millie talking about you and she wants to fire you.”. That would have more creditability. Otherwise; 99.5% chance that Mrs. Beakly blows them off for such bad behavior. And she doesn't as Mrs. Beakly tries to reason with them that she doesn't want to break up the family. Wow; and people somehow call her too fussy?! Must be Treehouse Syndrome again. The nephews blow her off because she's getting a gift which is a pink slip. Mrs. Beakly claims that it isn't a gift; it means that she is fired...and then she gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and realizes what is really going on. HAHA! Now THAT'S a neat way to get an adult on your side. She wants to MURDER Millie; but the nephews stop her before any more damage is done. Mrs. Beakly wants to explain this to Scrooge; but Huey nixes that idea because he's drunk with THE POWER OF LOVE~!
Huey's attempt at the accent is plain silly to see. Mrs. Beakly and the nephews ponder over the thought of stopping the wedding. And so that logically leads to the 1950's cafe dining area (with lime green seats this time) as Scrooge, the nephews, Webby and Mrs. Beakly are enjoying pancakes for breakfast. Apparently; the morning is really good again. Scrooge wants to buy Millie a wedding gift as Mrs. Beakly pours coffee into the coffee cup proclaiming that this is a hard choice to make. After all; she must have everything as Scrooge realizes that he is in trouble here. He asks everyone what they think they should get her. Mrs. Beakly claims that it should be rare and one of a kind; like the lost relish of Marila. You know what he really means here as Scrooge agrees with them and Millie will love going with her to find it too. Scrooge chuckles on the idea because it will prove that he is willing to go to the ends of the Earth for her. Scrooge leaves to tell her as Mrs. Beakly and the nephews along with Webby give the thumbs up sign.
So we head to the launchpad as the helicopter is ready and more fitting enough that Launchpad has come to have some fun screwing with Scrooge's mind. Millie wants a beauty parlor and a hotel; but Scrooge claims that they are going to rough it out on this one as Launchpad has the Gruffi pose on full-blast as well. Scrooge climbs into the helicopters and laughs it up with her sense of rich humor. I don't think she is being funny here Mr. McD and I'm sure the feminists were not happy to hear that one either. Scrooge wants to camp in the jungle and Millie no sells it because she hates camping. So the nephews compare her to the other women Scrooge didn't marry and she recoils. Codeword: You are a heelish coward to boot. Scrooge goes to the helicopter and asks her if she is ready and calls her Poopsy Cash. Millie agrees to it and has packed only what she needs: Which is equal to or slightly less than Hoppo's trips. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...And the nephews get to feel what Kit feels on a daily basis with Baloo in TaleSpin: Lifting stuff that is bigger than his own body weight. Mrs. Beakly wishes them good luck as the nephews chuckle that once this trip is over; she'll wish she never met this family. More thumbs up signs abound as the boys get into the helicopter and off it goes. Mrs. Beakly chuckles as she and Webby wave goodbye. So that logically leads us to..
..The jungle as the helicopter lands perfectly?! WHAT?! No crash from LP to get the heat juices flowing? I am so disappointed in you Launchpad! The door opens and Scrooge pops out smelling the fresh air. Millie pops out and sniffs the air as Launchpad is already out with Scrooge away from the helicopter (Must have exited from the left side) as Scrooge tells LP to stay here and set up camp. Launchpad salutes him without question as the rest of the gang pops out and starts walking. And so we head deep into the jungle as they walk up a narrow stone like bridge as we cut to the nephews holding all of Millie's excess baggage (how symbolic is that?) as they prepare for rotten prank #1. Okay; here's the obvious problem here: Why bother? Why not just be normal and let nature make Millie decide that Scrooge isn't her type slave? Otherwise; this is going to come off as the nephews being selfish here and that's the absolute LAST thing that they need to impress upon the couple.
So they replace a can of honey spray from the backpack and place a picture of a dead fly on the can to mask the honey picture. Louie then goes over and asks if she needs pest repellent and calls her an aunt. Well; at least they are using Louie to make it less obvious than it already is. She takes it from Louie and thanks them for being thoughtful and sprays her face with it. The nephews giggle under their breaths as Millie comes forward to Scrooge and then the bee swarm arrives and they start screwing up Millie's face. Okay; this may have been funny in 1987; but to me this is really more sad than funny to me. It would have been funny if the nephews DIDN'T prank her as it would tell me that even the gods and goddess don't like her. Huey yells at her to jump into the river and that works to perfection as she takes a resounding splash for fun. Scrooge asks if she is all right and she chuckles and claims that she can stand a little dip in interest every now and then.
So we go to the scene changer as we are near a plain between two rocks as the camping gear is down on the ground and Scrooge and Millie look around. The nephews decide to execute rotten prank #2 as my sympathy for them is dropping the more this episode goes. Scrooge goes forward as Dewey hides behind a badly drawn bush of ferns that would be slaughtered if they came within 50 feet of Stephen Colbert. He has a tape recorder in his hand and he starts howling as Millie gets scared already. Huey calls it a Malaysian Fizzlesmasher. I guess he figured out the joke now and thinks it's sad doesn't he? Millie is confused as Huey proclaims that it's a ferocious beast with a long trunk. So Huey is hyper-referencing Colonel Kernal from An Elephant Never Suspects? Okay; that is legit scary and not in a good way. They suggest to surround herself with supplies as a shield. Millie then threatens a few Fort Knoxes (and you do not want to piss off Fort Knox guys) on their head as the roaring gets louder and she is forced to carry a lot more than her body weight in supplies. HAHA! Okay; this was better as a laugh. And so we go to the scene changer as the QUACKEROONIES PLUS MILLIE OF DOOM climb up a steep mountain. And Millie is really putting her web boots on today as I am starting to like her; not just feel sorry for her being a slimy heel who loves to steal old man's fortunes.
Scrooge calls her a dollar dumpling as he asks her if she is all right. Millie struggles; but she tells him not to worry because she is a trooper BABEE! Yeap; this plan of the nephews is going to really backfire in their faces. It's too predictable now. Scrooge decides to go on up to check the area some more as the nephews agree to stay with aunt Millie who is panting like a she dog. Considering that she's doing this all in high heels; she is winning big points in my book in effort. Huey then consults the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION THE SMALL FORM~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...I mean the Junior Woodchuck Manual and it states to be prepared for bush ducks. Louie and Dewey has some branches with leaves as Huey consults the manual. See; Bush Ducks are mean Malaysian natives with bad eyesight. Umm; yeah and I'm somehow a racist bigot in watching this too right?Never mind; that one sounded better in my head. They pluck some leaves as they tell aunt Millie that she'll never know who or when they will attack.
So we get another scene changer as Scrooge tells the nephews to help Millie up to the top who is still struggling and carrying the supplies like a trooper. Scrooge decides to go inside the cave to grab the lost relics. Scrooge walks in as the nephews go to their backpacks and bring out the masks as they cannot wait until she sees this. Those masks are not only ugly; that look like they contradict themselves according to the Junior Woodchuck Manual. The nephews could have at least make the logic better somewhere along the lines. They put the masks on and hide behind another bush as that is becoming a recurring theme for this episode I see. Millie finally climbs over the edge to the top as her gasps are deafening. And then we see FOUR ducks (WHAT THE F.....?!) in bush skirts, no shirts and ugly masks making silly noises and jumping in front of Millie. FOUR DUCKS?! Has Wang Films gone stupid or something?! Millie swings her purse and one of the masks come quickly off to blow the nephew's cover. About damn time their stupid pranks came back to haunt them. And now I don't blame Millie for being pissed off to MURDER someone. She is walking down for marriage and they will be marching off to military school as he takes off the mask of the fourth duck and it really is a Bush Duck. Okay; I take it all back. This is just too funny. Maybe the best prank of the lot; because it turned into a shoot. Sorry about that folks; I was proven wrong again.
Everyone bails as Millie steps backwards over the cliff and free falls. HOLY CRAP?! I didn't think that Disney would allow something like...Oh wait; I forgot about Molly Cunningham; never mind. Scrooge comes out and finds the lost relic which turns out to be relish after all. HAHA! Huey got it right after all as he looks down and sees Millie bumping like Kit Cloudkicker on drugs down the mountain side. HOLY CRAP?! That sequence just makes me cringe when it happened to Dale; and even more so when it happens to Millie. It's so sad that her marriage is going to be doomed in the end. She bumps MAN-SIZED and splashes into the free flowing river and then pops up screaming for help as she wants a credit line and a yacht. Or anything will do as Scrooge watches on in horror. The nephews arrive (in their regular clothes just to complete the prank) as they notice she is heading for a waterfall. Russi Taylor is ON with the acting today as we see Millie going down the river and we pan right as we see a waterfall in the background and she could be crushed by the rocks on the right side as well. Millie is just carrying this episode like mad. That officially ends the segment nearly sixteen minutes in.
After the commercial break; we see Millie struggling in the tide as she is officially too rich to die (death reference #1) as Scrooge goes to the transmitter and tells Launchpad to get here ASAP. And naturally, we cut back to inside the helicopter as Launchpad is on the transmitter as he is confused at what it means. Scrooge calls it what it is and I betcha LP takes it as Scrooge was thinking about calling him a sap. I check the DVD....Nope; but as stupid as possible is close enough as Scrooge really blows him off. So the helicopter starts off into the sky and we cut to the top of the mountain as the helicopter is floating in the sky as a tow line is brought down to Scrooge. Scrooge grabs it and tells LP to head for the waterfall as Scrooge hangs on. I see he has been watching Kit Cloudkicker after all and why not? He is considered a legend in his own time after all. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! HEY.....
So we cut to the edge of the waterfall as Millie is really getting close to it as Scrooge is upside down (I see he did some circus tricks as a wee lad which he ignored in Once Upon A Dime) and tells her to hold on and calls her a Candy Coin. Geez; this name calling is getting seriously overplayed to the point of silliness. Scrooge asks LP to lower the thing some more and Scrooge takes a dunking for his troubles. HAHA! Scrooge blows him off for that as we get a frontal shot of the waterfall as they swing like Tarzan. Scrooge tells LP to go a bit higher as LP presses the top red button inside and that snaps the line. See; this is what the nephews SHOULD have done: Let the nature of the place and Launchpad's fatalism make sure Millie goes the hell away from Scrooge. Then it would be all on her instead of the nephews' stupidity. They both scream and free fall down as Launchpad blows off the eject button being in the way. HAHA! They free fall into the waterfall and then go down it in gloriously bad animation.
So we go to another scene changer as we cut to the edge of the river as Millie and Scrooge climb out from the watery carnage. Millie claims that she has had enough of this crap as the nephews proclaims that she would really love the other trips Scrooge goes on. Now at this point; I wouldn't rub it in like that. I would say “Oh that's too bad Millie; the trip was going so well too.”. It still works for some reason as Millie wants no part of this misery. She has had enough of the Fizzlesmashers and Bush Ducks and then Scrooge gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and wants answers from the nephews. Actually; the Bush Duck natives were real, only the Fizzlesmashers were not. Scrooge does the Gruffi pose and Dewey finally snaps and tells him point blank that they don't want him to marry her. Because he has mushed out of control. Bad reasoning there Louie as Scrooge blows them off for ruining the marriage and then apologizes to Millie for allowing this to happen. They grab hands and walk away to tie the knot as Millie ten-huts the nephews and they are screwed to the gills.
And so we head to the streets of Duckberg as we see the wedding car and parade going on as Gloria Swansong and Quax walk in for a really cool cameo as she wants no autographs please. So we see a lot of people going into the chapel (which is a dollar sign which means it's going to be a completely secular wedding. Funny how that won't allow crosses in a church in this scene; but did in The Right Duck and crosses in other episodes). Everyone is there including Gladstone Gander, John D. Rockafeather, Magica Despell (!!!!) (we see her sign the marriage book in the scene to the left pan) along with Flintheart Glomgold, Feathers Galore (!!!), Carl Sargander, Ma Beagle, Burger Beagle, Bouncer Beagle and Big Time Beagle among them that I can clearly see outside. Duckworth calls the Beagle Boys out because they are going to rob a bank see and you don't get invited to rob a bank see according to Ma Beagle's twisted logic. And we accuse HER of littering?! Duckworth blows them off because the orders are absolute and they are not invited. Ma Beagle is SHOCKED to hear that Scrooge is getting married as Duckworth blows them off and tells them to scram as he walks off. The Beagles go into a conference as they don't want to miss this WEDDING FROM HELL. They decide to find some disguises and then they run away stage left.
So we head inside the makeshift chapel (it's really a big bank) as Scrooge in his formal tuxedo gear walking around in a circle looking at his pocket watch wondering where the best man is and here comes Launchpad in a really silly formal gear (he still looks like he's going to a flying wedding) and Gyro also appears (you thought they would forget him?) with a wedding gift for him. It's nice to know that the adults are unintentionally willing to let Scrooge slide into bankruptcy. And it's an automatic rice thrower (where have I heard that one before?) as Donald Duck appears in a blue uniform as he is the best man. And he even brought the golden ring with him as this is awfully neat to see. Gyro then invokes the rice thrower and it hits Donald right in the ass as the ring goes flying. HAHA! So much for things going wrong as Scrooge orders Donald to catch the damn ring. Donald chases after the ring as they go outside as Duckworth, Mrs. Beakly and the rest watch on. Even Burt is here and even Doofus Drake made it to the party.
And he didn't dress himself formally at all; the cad. Donald keeps chasing as the ring goes into the conveniently placed grate to the sewers right in the middle of the runway. Ummmm....yeah. Donald loses his temper (HA to the FCC Navy) and opens the grate and dives into the sewers. So we cut back to the front entrance to the bank as Duckworth is addressing some pink suited freaks who looks like the Beagle Boys in disguise. Oh wait... Madam Burger blows him off because they are bridesmaids and then they enter without further incident. HAHA! Always the bridesmaids and never the brides. That sums up the Beagle Boys luck against Scrooge in a nutshell. And so we go into the bank vault area as Millie is in all white for this one and she looks into the MIRROR OF VANITY as the preacher (I'm calling it now) is checking on the back of the gown like a little pervert. Basically; it's all about the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH to her.
So we cut to the runway as we see one of the most depressing things I have ever seen in Ducktales; which is Webby as a bridesmaid throwing money all over the street as the soft music plays. We go to the front of the main bank vault as I am wrong again as the justice of the peace is a pig furry with an English eyepiece wearing a top hat, a blue vest, a black suit, gray striped pants and black shoes. We see various flower baskets on both ends and Scrooge and Launchpad on the left side of the runway as Scrooge is blowing off Donald for not having the ring in his hands right now. And HERE COMES THE GREEDY BRIDE~! HERE COMES THE GREEDY BRIDE~! Hey; it's true too and there really is nothing the nephews can do about it anyway. Millie of course has dollar bills as flowers as she tongue lashes the nephews to cadet school one last time who are sitting in the pews just to rub it in. We have about three minutes left so this should be painful for the nephews to watch. Scrooge and Millie stand in front of the justice of the peace below a conveniently placed grate which wasn't there earlier for logic break #1 for the episode. The justice of the peace reads from the Ledger (HA!) as we get basically a money grubbing version of a wedding. Okay; as much as this might be offensive to Christians; screw them! This wedding scene makes perfect sense with these two characters. When words mean nothing; that is why context was invented.
We see Mrs Beakly and Duckworth as
Beakly is crying as Duckworth consoles her because they are not
losing a boss; she's gaining a bossy in-law. HAHA! Duckworth doesn't
even know what is going on and why she is weeping. Mrs. Beakly
basically tells them that once the knot is tied; they will be forced
out onto the street. And now Duckworth starts weeping. HAHA! Great
attention to detail there guys. We then cut to Launchpad as he
proclaims that Scrooge is going to be surprised at the wedding gift
he brought. Oooooo....I think I know what it is and I'm not telling
either. He walks off stage left as the justice of the peace (Peter
Cullen) asks Millie is she takes Scrooge to be her wedding husband.
The acceptance speech parody is downright hilarious and in the right
context for these two. Millie accepts it all like the greedy little
bitch that she is. Millie then officially blows her cover right there
and Scrooge cannot believe this and starts questioning her. UH OH!
She basically admits to the justice of the peace that she wants it
all (So she's merely vile and honest now) as she demands her ring and
Donald's hand comes up and he has the ring and he's dirty to the
bone. Scrooge grabs it and then Millie grabs it and puts it on her
finger. The justice of the peace then asks Scrooge if he takes Millie
to be his wedding wife. Scrooge wants to wait on this one for a
moment. UH OH! Millie not going to like where this wedding from hell
is going. Scrooge realizes just how she is and I put David Spade mode
on for this one....
Millie: I am F'N Millionaire Vanderbucks! I am the ultimate rich bitch who carries episode to full profits! I can make senile old bastards charm into bankruptcy and hate small little bastard children for seeing through my brilliant schemes of making money and leeching off old bastards. My you be f***ed in sickness and in health until death and bankruptcy DUE YOU PART!
And like all good wrestling shows (because it's a cartoon as well; only live action); we get a shot of the wedding cake and it gets destroyed by a gun shot. And..it's GOLDIE! Goodbye Millionaire Vanderbucks; we hardly knew ye. Goldie has her blunderbass set to profits and she is ready to raise hell and she looks parentaly pissed off. Yes; we are finally going to get that payoff we DIDN'T get in Back To The Klondike. And she has 90 seconds to do it too. Goldie threatens anyone within a 500 meter radius with gunfire if Scoorge sezs I do. Scrooge turns around and he is happy because his true lover is here. And then we cut to outside the entrance as Scrooge runs out and Goldie is shooting at him. Aw; good enough for me as she really blows him off for looking into the eyes of another woman. If I'm Mrs. Beakly; I would be fearing for my safety right now; if only because Goldie is usually context free. We head inside as the wedding is dead on the rocks before it ever started as the nephews and Webby cheer as the deus ex machina has saved the day.
Duckworth and Mrs. Beakly are confused because she wasn't on the guest list. The nephews proclaims that they were on their guest lists as they give the thumbs up. And who put her on the guest list...Launchpad, DUH! Millie is crying her eyes out on the steps as her honeymoon in Fort Knox is ruined. And then steps in Flintheart Glomgold who offers to marry her instead as he is the second wealthiest man in Duckberg (and star in the next five episodes to rant on I should note). Now there is a way to screw job the nephews and make Scrooge a wee bit pissed off. Millie wants to know if there is a second Mrs. Wealthiest Woman in the world and then Flintheart stammers and runs out of the makeshift chapel following Scrooge and Goldie. HAHA! I see Flintheart hasn't been up and up on his sex life eh?! Millie follows as Ma Beagle and the Beagle Boys sneak towards the bank vault as they proclaims that it isn't a total loss and they can still rob the bank.
Talk about a wedding that puts an obvious bullseye on your bank. Good going Mr. McD. They start shooting with the blunderbusses and everyone runs out of the chapel as we cut back to Scrooge as Goldie is ready to MURDER Scrooge with the shotgun as Scrooge begs off for mercy. Everyone leaves as everyone chases everyone else off as all hell breaks loose and Launchpad is in the helicopter with the big ass crate of rice and then opens the box overhead when he sees Scrooge and it's riceoroonie time as Goldie, Millie and Scrooge get rice tombed. HAHA! Scrooge pops away and escape as another gunshot fires. We are only 0.2 Trigun at this point as the chase continues on for my amusement and then Scrooge dodges cars like he is in a video game as Goldie shoots some more to end the episode at 21:16. That is the best finish ever and Millie carried through most of it to our third straight full monty episode. And I still think LP is the one who invited Goldie to the party. Good for him. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I remember hating this episode back in the day as I will with the nephews on the whole thing and I had no sympathy for Scrooge. Today; my views are different and I think this is one of the best episodes I have seen. I call it a case of a really good heel in Millie being a trooper through the whole thing until the nephews pushed their pranks one too far (which I thought was pointless since there was enough idiots in the scene to do Millie in by themselves without the nephews resorting to low tricks). I ended up having a little sympathy for Millie and Scrooge and not so much for the nephews. Mrs. Beakly or Webby. The adventure was pretty standard and the payoff was pretty funny. And don't think that DTVA is immune to Spongebob booking; they just don't jackhammer it to the ground. The wedding was really over the top with a hint of Donald being Donald and of course the real payoff coming with Goldie's arrival in the wedding as Scrooge get his just desserts for making a REAL WOMAN look second rate. In this case her. The Beagle Boys got a bit role (too bad time didn't complete the plot thread; but whatever) as well. One logic break and almost no animation mistakes made this one a third perfect episode in a row. Sadly; this streak is going to end as we start the third in five multi-parters; in this case: Time Is Money. The story arc that introduced new characters and to many expanded fans; it was the arc that jumped the shark and made everyone put Scrappy Doo in his proper perspective. What do I think of him now? Stay tuned......So....
Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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