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Where No Duck Has Gone Before
Nothing Is More Ironic than Major Courage displaying Lobster Courage!
Ah; the final regular episode rant before the big Ducktales marathon special and it features robots and overlords. Ooooo...scary. This is also LP's non-Golden Suns DTVA debut along with Gyro's and the DTVA debut of Doofus Drake (BONUS!) . This is also the official start of the halfway point of the Ducktales series in general in terms of ranting. So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Len Uhley (!!!). The story is consulted by Patsy Cameron and Tedd Anasti and the story was edited by Jymn Magon.
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as we zoom in to the weightlifting room as Scrooge is lifting weights with golden steel bars and money bags. And he is also wearing a red jump suit just to amuse me as Dewey plays Gosalyn drill instructor. Scrooge grunts and he fails as the weight comes down on his neck. Quick logic break: how can two sacks of money wear Scrooge out like that? Dewey sezs good try on that one as Huey, Louie and Doofus playing with the Wooly Stretcher. Scrooge (in the book room) goes to his desk as he claims to be waiting for a phone call from some people in the movie business. See; he loaned them some of that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH and it's due this morning. I'm guessing it's from the guys who did the Ducktales Movie; but I don't think Scrooge is going to be able to collect that check in the mail. Scrooge puts on his top hat as the Wooly Stretcher is getting flexed in ways that will probably void the warranty on it as Scrooge swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (darn show folk!) because they act like they have all the time in the world. No wonder Nintendo looks so humble in comparison. Sadly; Scrooge would have said world but Dewey screams what time is it (oh lord; Russi Taylor is on the anger juice again for the second straight time) as Scrooge checks his pocket watch and it's almost four o'clock.
Doofus then panics because they are going to miss their favorite show while acting like Shaggy. The boys run into the living room as the Wooly Stretcher grabs onto Scrooge and then snaps and ties up Scrooge. HAHA! Scrooge is not amused. I don't blame him. That move voided the warranty completely. The nephews and Doofus jump onto the pink sofa as they try to pick turns like little children on who will be playing Major Courage. They have their fake ray guns (huh? How did they get those? On second thought; I don't want to know.) as Doofus has to play the alien again. Geez; the fat ass always has to play the heel in these situations. I agree with Doofus; this is totally unfair because it's 3 against 1. Louie claims that he is not always and Doofus blows him off for that. I side with Doofus; because stereotyping RULEZ~! And so the television show starts with the narration to another Asstronomical adventure with Courage of the Cosmos.....
The boys cheer for him and the death of space aliens even though in Doofus' case; a little part of him dies inside. The television announcer (I'm going to hazard a guess and say the late Hamilton Camp since Chris has the television director as the late Hamilton Camp.) proclaims that the last episode featured Major Courage being hopelessly outnumbered by the Scumazoids. UH OH! I smell the template for Flash The Wonderdog commencing here. And you thought TaleSpin was guilty of this (Gives mean look to Rescue Ranger fanboys and girls.)? We then look at the television screen and see a pig furry (and the one on the right looks like a pig furry with the same outfits as Porky Pig wears in the Duck Dodgers cartoon shorts. Even though this is really a Star Trek parody.) in a gray spacesuit (I'm guessing Brian Cummings or Hamilton Camp here; Laura is a better teller of voices than I could ever be.) yelling to Major Courage and REPEATS THE PROMO! OH MY GOD! The narrator is the same type of god as The Wuzzles narrator. Major Courage is the pelican with a Diary Queen whipped feathered hair, black gloves, gray suit and boots sitting in his crimson red chair (a sure giveaway that he is a fake.) There is a female pig sitting in a green folding chair wearing a pink suit in the background. What is this; Ontario Television in the 1980's?!
Then we see on the screen a really strange brown alien in a spacesuit proclaiming that he has him good now (Hamilton Camp or Brain Cummings; pick your poison on this one). The purple suited pig fury proclaims that they are firing at them (Brain Cummings I assume) and we get some rumbling and stumbling from the crew as the boys gasp in horror. Major Courage recovers (and wipes his hair down) as he grabs the WHEEL OF MORALITY and turns it like a bus driver on steroids. Major Courage through the process of elimination (and USIMDB) is done by the late Christopher Weeks also know as the late Jack DeLeon (passed away in 2006) and he started in cameos in Miami Undercover, Everglades and Get Smart. He appeared in Emergency and Emergency +4, The Governor & J.J. And the Lost Saucer. He was the narrator in The Red Badge of Courage, The Carhops, Linda Lovelace for President, Train Ride to Hollywood, Halloween Is Grinch Night, The Choir Boys and the television movie The Hobbit. He was Marty Morrison in Barney Miller and he started doing animation in 1979 with Scooby And Scrappy Doo. Ducktales is his DTVA debut and his only DTVA appearance. He would go on in Mistress, Violent Zone, Life Stinks and a cameo in Growing Pains. His last credits were Allyson is Watching as Mr. Merry in 1997, Temptress as Brian Carlin and a cameo in Silk Stockings as Mr. Stanley.
So we see the ship flies away from the alien ship (with clear strings attached to them which means that it was made in 1970 by a Z-Grade producer) as Dewey jumps like he has a super ball up his ass. They want him to MURDER that space alien (in roundabout terms) as Scrooge is taken aback by this cornball. Doofus gets all baby like accusing Scrooge of sounding just like Launchpad. Huh? Launchpad....BE JEALOUS?! How is that possible? Me not know how those two terms go together? The nephews go shhh on him as Doofus claims LP wouldn't know an ASS-TEROID from an ass (yeap; Doofus got shut up since Doofus was about to say ass for real; kind of like the phantom hell from Her Chance To Dream) as the phone rings and goes into the book room to answer the phone and Scrooge suddenly is SHOCKED AND APPALLED as the television narrator proclaims that they will be right back after these message (making sure to really put zing in the Courage of the Cosmos part) as Huey notices Scrooge coming in moping. Scrooge proclaims that the movie people called (Huey calls this good), and they cannot repay him (Louie calls that bad); but they sold him Duckberg studios as compensation and the boys tackle him down because that is great. Take one guess why. Damn; I'm good as Scrooge is groaning and panicking and dumbfounded all rolled into one. HAHA! And then he faints dead away just to further it some more. So we logically head to....
….Duckburg Studios complete with movie sets, security gate and such. We see the nephews, Doofus and Scrooge already inside along with Gyro and Launchpad. HAHA! Launchpad blows him off because Major Courage is a big phony and it's all make believe. Funny how LP can say that considering his own fatalism. Scrooge wishes LP's flying was make believe. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The nephews have their autograph books with them as Dewey blows him off because Major Courage is their real hero. Bullethead Baloo anyone; only the main kids are dellusional unlike Kit was. Dewey's acting on it is off for some reason as Launchpad goes to the double doors as he wants to give Courage some pointers on heroism. If I'm Scrooge; I would have a witty retort for him right now. I check the DVD....It doesn't happen. BOO! HISS! LP opens the doors and let's everyone inside (how nice of him) as we see Major Courage, the female pig furry from earlier and the television director (late Hamilton Camp for sure now) are checking on scripts and such as Doofus points out the obvious. We then go to the director's shot of the director with the television cameraman (director's wearing a red coat; while the camera man is wearing pink. Weird that everyone in the studios is a pig furry except for Major Courage. Affirmative action perchance?) as the director has the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS (which Don Karnage stole from him I guess) and this is rehearsal and it's action time.
It's clearly a rehearsal because Major Courage's acting sucks beyond belief and then he pushes on the toaster (This IS a Z-Grade studio) and we get a Scottish voice coming out (the late Hamilton Camp again) and Courage praises him anyway. Ooookkkkkaaayyyyy. And the toast pops out as the nephews are amused. LP isn't as he is pushing on a fake stone wall and goes through it and everything grinds to a halt. HAHA! Courage then grabs the director by the neck (what a sick scumbag this Major Courage fellow is) and proclaims that it's a closed set and the clowns have no business being here. The director gleefully answers THAT one for me. Major Courage recoils right on cue and drops the director off-screen and finds the directors chair and sucks up to Scrooge. Scrooge is not amused by this at all as Courage drops him in the chair and continues the suck up fest. Courage then addresses the boys as I ask; what does Gyro have there? He signs autographs (while Louie jumps for joy) as Scrooge pokes as the green folding chair. Now here's a logic break to consider: If Launchpad has noticed that this is make believe right now; why don't the nephews NOTICE it by now? Doofus I can understand; but the nephews?
Courage asks Scrooge what he thinks and Scrooge wants to cancel the production...and everyone is SHOCKED and APPALLED by this (amazing enough; we don't see that out of the nephews or Doofus, natch.). See; the ratings on the show stink and if the network cancels it then the studio is worthless. Wait a second? Duckburg Studios is only doing ONE show? Well; that's no surprise since it's a shoestring budget Sci-Fishow. I wonder if this is a rib on Doctor Who's problems with the BBC brass at this point? Scrooge proclaims that if this studio is going to live on then Major Courage needs a major overhaul. And he means MAJOR, major! Which means everything Z-grade has to go to make it at least B-level. He then introduces Gyro Gearloose who is his science adviser (Disney Captions has it misspelled as adviser. What a shock?!) and he has two weeks to turn this around. He orders Gyro (with enough blueprints to create a small army) as redesign the Starship Phoenix and make it as real as it can big. Yeap; this is a Star Trek parody (although any classic Sci-Fi show in the 1960's and 1970's will do nicely depending on what part of the world you live.) as Gyro writes it down on his notepad (how he can do that and balance the blueprints is beyond me.). Major Courage asks about LP who casually walks in stage left and LP is the pilot see.
LP then really blows Courage off for being a phony. See; I don't understand how the nephews can be this stupid. If only Doofus was here; then this would make more sense since Doofus doesn't know as good as the nephews usually do. And it gives LP and Doofus a chance to argue the merits on their own terms. Major Courage goes to the door and opens it while stammering like Honker being bullied by Drake; and LP calls him out on it. HAHA! Major Courage wants to MURDER LP as he leaves (with the POWER OF THE PUNCH!); but the nephews and Doofus wave goodbye to force Major Courage to recoil. Nothing stops violence like a child waving goodbye as he waves goodbye while Gyro leaves. The door slams shut and then Major Courage turns into Panic Courage because he feels that LP is going to get his job see. If only Major Courage knew Launchpad well; then I think he would realize that his job is safe. Okay; I misspoke ; there are dogspeople working here; it's just more balanced as the director tells them not to get excited...Well; of course not director, because they could lose their jobs too; bozo. I guess Bozo is the director's name as everyone screams on cue. Major Courage proclaims that they have to get Scrooge on their side. And Major Courage's MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN is to butter up his nephews. So that's the reason why the nephews are even in this episode then!
So we go to the scene changer as we go to a far shot of the television set as there is a rocket ship over a white sheet and a platform with a red roof on it. Scrooge, the nephews, Launchpad and Doofus enter as Huey is already buttering up Scrooge on the new sets Gyro was building over the last two weeks. Scrooge isn't amused because in his mind; he wants to sell the studio, make his tidy profit and get out while he still has some dignity left. They make it to the soapbox as Major Courage has his blue bodysuit (with C thunderbolt on the front and red gloves and trim to boot) and waltzes in and annoys Scrooge to no end (while getting off death reference #1). He also pushes LP aside and LP no sells it. Huh? After all the blow offing LP did to Courage earlier? Scrooge wants to take a look now; as Gyro enters from the curtain looking tired as hell (This takes cruel and unusual punishment to new heights that I'm sure Sean Malstrom would love to use on Mr. Hardcore) and pulls the rope down and shows off the Starship Phoenix. And it is the world fattest rocket ship encased in gold with red trim. The crowd is all impressed with it as Major Courage does his butter up routine on the major changes Scrooge made by having a exclusive show just for Scrooge and the kids...And the kids (the only fans of the show natch) even get their own authentic Courage of the Cosmos Cadet costumes. Oooooooooo....Basically; the shirt version of Courage's bodysuit. Take one guess who gets the biggest one on the rack.
The boys take the shirts and magically put them on while getting on the soapbox and saluting him as they report for duty. A camera man takes a photograph and then Courage slide Gyro, LP and Scrooge off the soapbox and into the director's booth. Scrooge isn't amused by the pushing and showing the kids a good time as LP thanks him sarcastically because he his friends of the boys (even if they have delusions of Granger.) and he's coming along. Major Courage tries to invoke the POWER OF THE PUNCH; but the nephews and Doofus show up and he's forced to recoil again. HAHA! LP's teeth saved by the kids; who knew. Courage sucks up to Launchpad and welcomes him aboard as LP isn't all that amused. The GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE climb into the rocket ship and it is completely realistic as Gyro promised it would be. Everyone takes their positions as LP does the Gruffi pose in his seat. Major Courage asks about the crampiness of the set and the cameras and Gyro explains that he installed cameras throughout the ship. And they are all on automatic; just to make it more modern. One of the cameras snoops on LP and LP blows it off because real heroes don't need cameras and makeup. But they do need to crash a plane a minute. AHHAHAHAHA!
And why state that they need to do their job considering LP's role in this series as LP gets in Major Courage's kisser again. Dewey accuses LP of BE JEALOUS and I get flustered. If Doofus said this; then this would be perfect though. I never thought the Ducktales nephews would find a way to drag this episode down a notch; but they managed. Maybe the differences between QP and DT aren't as wide as we would like them to be. And just to make it worse; Doofus sounds like someone who has sympathy for LP which I think goes AGAINST Doofus' character in the sense of Doofus' naïve nature. Major Courage shows LP the door and sezs bye-bye to him. LP gets confused and then Major Courage turns heel by kicking LP's ass out the door. He closes the door and LP does Gyro's bumping on top of his head and does it better than Gyro and Scrooge combined down the steps. And LP doesn't even change his face while doing it. That is just weird animating by TMS there. LP drops on his belly and sezs bye-bye while drunk. I guess that was Courage's alcohol foot he used.
We cut to inside the ship as Doofus asks where Launchpad went (and the nephews smile because they don't give a damn about him.) as Major Courage tells the boys to forget about him as he is history and old news (according to Courage.). It's time to start the adventure see as everyone takes their positions (I guess the episode they watched was a re-run and Courage got a new suit in between episodes) as Courage sits in his steel chair and grabs the TAKE TWO CLIPBOARD OF DOOM and it's Courage of the Cosmos Episode 96. You know; if they were going to do the Star Trek homage; it should be episode 79 which is the final episode of the original Star Trek. And we get a closeup of Courage's face and man; the animation is off here as it is action time. Everyone gets into their seats and they push some buttons on the control panel (How the nephews knew about the ship so easily I don't know...) as the engines start and we have flames under rocket. And the rocket goes into the sky breaking the top ceiling in the process. HAHA! Scrooge and Gyro are in the director's room (I thought they were IN the space rocket?) as Scrooge asks Gyro what he did and Gyro states that Scrooge told him to make it as real as he could and Gyro did. That would be recycled for episode 2 & 3 of Super Ducktales by the way.
The rocket goes up into the sky as we cut to inside on the bottom floor as Launchpad gets up (I thought he was OUTSIDE the rocket ship?) and crawls to the door with a lever (WRONG LEVER!) and pulls it as papers fly, the wind blows and LP is holding on for dear life. I have now accepted the fact that writers don't realize that people die and heads pop when they are outside with no gravity or air; so I'm not going to ding them anymore for the obvious gaffe. We get a shot of the earth from space as Launchpad panics like crazy. LP proclaims that if he wanted to see the world; he would join the FCC Navy. I wouldn't LP; I shudder to think what they would do to him character wise that even Drake Mallard couldn't pull. LP climbs up as we cut back to the director room (with enough television sets to be 1984 like) and they go dead. Scrooge wonders what is happening and Gyro doesn't know as he tries to restart the cameras. The cameras work as we see the nephews and Doofus enjoying themselves while Scrooge is worried (while swearing in DUB SCOTTISH STYLE (blow me bagpipes!)) because they have no idea that this is suddenly turning into a shoot. Nice robotic animation from TMS as Scrooge has his cane ready to whack Gyro if he screws up the warning to the nephews. Or maybe not.
And then he smashes the control panel and asks Gyro what is the matter. Oh god; if he tells him that he smashed the radio, I'm going to wring Len Uhley's neck for it. I check the DVD......DAMN YOU LEN UHLEY! You let Scrooge get totally out of character for THAT gag?! How Uhley got so awesome in TaleSpin I'll never know...Oh wait; I do know. So we cut into outer space again as the Starship Phoenix boldly goes where no duck (or logic) has gone before. We then cut to inside as Major Courage is in his seat asking about how the boys loved that opener. The boys of course pop on that one. Major Courage gets all brave as he butters up the boys to turn on Launchpad and not have Major Courage replaced (Why bother? LP is a pilot in real life. Courage is a television star; how can he be replaced? Why would Scrooge replace him when LP doesn't know nor care about television in the first place?). The boys love that as the Scottish Engineer voice (The late Hamilton Camp; I think Alan Young would have been a better choice here for obvious reasons) proclaims that there is an ASS-TEROID belt commencing.
I notice that there is an angel's halo on the top of the window which is weird since Phoneix's have nothing to do with Christian themes whatsoever. And of course we see the asteroids coming a mile a minute. Major Courage tells them to take evasive action as his acting is going from Major Courage to Lobster Courage. I'll explain the lobster part later on as the boys man their station as they run and Huey gets the navigator job. Considering that Dewey is the planning one; he should be the navigator. Dewey gets weapons officer while Doofus gets life support. Okay that is funny as Doofus doesn't like that one either. He should be fortune that it isn't bait for space aliens; which would happen to him if the QP nephews were around. Assuming; you know what... Courage wants condition red activated as we get some yellow alarms and yellow lights where Launchpad is sitting as LP sees the rocks on the screen next to him. Courage wants manual controls and Huey pushes on some levers (WRONG LEVERS!) as we cut to Launchpad going to the secondary control pilot seat as he is going to override Courage's controls before he crashes into some rocks. Somehow; I think LP's fatalism is just asking for a beating at this point.
Launchpad pushes a yellow button on the panel and that exposes the secondary joystick panel as we cut back to the main ship as the nephews and Doofus show false panic (the contrived acting gives it away) as Major Courage proclaims never to fear because he's Courage of the Cosmos see. Funny how he flat out admits that this is only a television show and the nephews don't even notice it. We then notice LP on the joystick panicking for real as a rock comes crashing towards them (oh the irony!) and he uses the stick to dodge all. LP breathes a sigh of relief...for about three seconds as he sees a giant ass sized rock and pulls on the joystick; but it breaks loose. He then destroys the control panel and pulls on a lever (WRONG LEVER!) from the wall panel and that allows the ship to dodge upwards. Explain THAT one kids?! We cut back into the main cockpit where Huey proclaims that they made it through without a scratch. Unless you count the broken joystick of course. Courage gets so full of himself that he asks who is their favorite hero and the boys chant courage in response. Just seeing the nephews so brainwashed like this saddens me. Even more so when I see them in Quack Pack later on. The jumping has been tamed I see as Courage proclaims that he is full of it. He's full of something and courage isn't it. And then the door opens and in comes Launchpad looking tired as the boys notice him and greet him.
Courage greets him with the Gruffi pose. Doofus asks where he has been and talks about the time they have had with Major Courage. Doofus goes all hyper with the fun and LP blows him off because they are in space. Seriously; they are. Did Scrooge infect LP with airhead syndrome shortly after this episode; or does it cross contaminate? Courage of course proclaims that they are in space with a wink on Louie and Louie sides with Courage. Courage tells LP to butt out because the kids are having a good time see. Launchpad then rants on him because he steered them through the asteroids. Dewey in roundabout terms calls LP a liar because they saw Courage steering...even though on footage he clearly didn't touch the joystick at all....And the nephews had their backs to Courage the entire time. How could they see anything from him? Oh wait..I know, never mind. LP gets accused of taking credits for someone else's work. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there nephews? I know that they are being brainwashed; but it is still projection nevertheless. LP panics as he wants Courage to steer the ship home and Courage blows that off because they go after the space aliens show up. LP proclaims that there is no such things as aliens. And of course we see a red alien spaceship using the yellow tractor beam from outside (it looks like something out of the Care Bears Nelvana edition during their homage to Star Trek which is even MORE obvious than this episode). Courage gleefully blows LP off for THAT one. That one I concede to Courage and the boys there. LP stammers as the boys love this going on as the pink spaceship (with unicorn horn and suction tentacles) grab the space ship and that ends the segment a little more than 12 minutes in.
After the commercial break; we go inside the alien spaceship (with enough green goo to make it more real) as Major Courage pops up from the porthole and likes the net set and he wants a raise. LP climbs up as well and he has a bad feeling about this. NO?! REALLY?! As bad as my feeling towards the use of the nephews in this episode? The nephews and Doofus pop out and they finally get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as they realize that this IS a shoot now. Good; I'm getting sick and tired of this logic break anyway. The episode just improved 75% with that spot alone. LP gleefully states the obvious for me. However; Courage continues his lobster courage routine as he promised danger, adventure, excitement and danger. Man; Dan Dawson's brainwashing of Kit was a lot more convincing than this. And the boys hang on his body and word and soul on cue. And then the door slides open and in comes the dreaded robot butler (with four mickey mouse arms and tank feet with binocular eyes. And there better not be funny business with them like in Super Ducktales #1- Brain Cummings) as the door closes. Courage then steps in with some lame karate moves. Ah! I see who was Drake Mallard's student then. Or he was with Drake AS a student; depending on what mood I was in when doing this rant. He calls him Ralph and Ralph tells wags the finger and tells him to come with him. He even said please so Courage has to sell that. Courage asks about fighting and Ralph no sell; unless Courage really wants to. Courage decides to recoil because the fighting comes later in the show.
Ralph tells him to come this way as we head into the cockpit and we see the space aliens which look like the heel versions of the Snorks. Seriously; the horns on top of their heads give that fact away. The green leader alien (with a purple suit and black shin guards- the late Hamilton Camp) gets up as the GOOFS WITH ATTITUDE step in and Ralph calls them their prisoners. The nephews and Doofus repulse on cue and Ralph tells them not to do that because it upsets him see. The nephews apologize as Courage walks up to the overlord of doom (green alien leader of course) as the overlord has his vapor ray set to standby just in case Courage goes all Drake Mallard on us. He calls him Murray and comments on the costume and we got more bad acting from him. The Kronk Overlord (Chris has him as Krolk by the way) and he even has a name: Bulvan (which Chris didn't have in his notes). So Bulvan it is as he explains that he is from the planet Kronk to find inferior life forms to conquer and basically slaughter them into bloody mulch fertilizer. He doesn't use those terms; but it is implied. LP offers Courage as the obvious offering.
If only he offered Drake Mallard; then maybe he would shut up. Oh wait; he didn't in death, never mind what I said. Courage pulls his hand away and addresses himself as Major Courage from the planet Earth. He means him no harm as the contrived acting is obvious. How did his acting become so good in the television series; I'll never know. Bulvan orders silence (good luck there pal.) and proclaims that planet Earth is begging to be conquered. Bulvan demands the coordinates to Earth; or he will torture him and strip the data from your mind. I'm guessing the torment part is for fun and games here. And so Courage pulls LP into him like a shield and LP gets grabbed by four smaller aliens and taken to the brain sucking chair (which is a hair drying chair like chair.). LP protests this outrage (what a shock?) and gets thrown into the chair with a wussy bump. His webfeet gets clamped as the brain stripper is on his head and we get some formulas, sun around earth sequences and tic-tac-toe on the screen. We also get a picture of LP's skull to boot as Courage blows off LP's acting. LP gets zapped again as the eyes bug out and Courage praises him for that since the eyes tell the story. I see Lobster Courage commencing soon....
So we head into a prison cell as Courage and the nephews watch on from the cell as Doofus eats some moldy grease which Huey calls him out on it. Doofus calls it not bad which shows just how much of an iron stomach (or weak mind) Doofus has. Doofus offers some on a spoon and Huey doesn't want it and Doofus is happy that happened. So the ceiling trap door opens and Launchpad drops in and takes a header on the floor with a better bump this time around. Courage mocks LP some more as LP comments on them putting his brain through a blender. Considering what LP looks like now; I think his brain is just fine which means he had no data worth stripping. LP snaps out of it and Courage proclaims that it is now time to escape and defeat the Kronks. He asks for suggestions from the cadets and Louie goes with the disguise routine from Prisoners of Floyd episode. Then sabotage the ship like he did in the episode Attack of the Gherkins as Dewey said. Huey suggests feeding them to Doofus. HAHA! Now that plan I can get behind and I mean that in the nicest way possible D-man. LP suggests playing sick so the others can knock out the guard. I like LP's plan the best and of course Major Courage then blows him off...and then proclaims that they should do the old sickness ploy. Courage is the bastard son of Darkwing Duck that it isn't funny anymore.
Courage calls for the guard and the prison cell door opens and in comes Ralph with the pink laser gun just to show off his manhood. I know it's a frickin robot; but I need something funny to balance out the crap I have been seeing in this episode. The robot proclaims that he can make a custard out of the laser gun. Oh man; out of context, that was more disturbing than I had intended. Courage proclaims that LP is ill and LP sells a stomach virus. At least his acting looks B-grade to fit with the B-theme of this episode. Ralph goes to him as Courage gets up from behind and tries the lame KARATE CHOP OF DOOM which Ralph no-sells. HAHA! Courage sells hand injury, DUH! Ralph turns behind LP's back and steals Doofus alien food and opens the conviently placed hatch in the robot butler's back and throws the food in. Oh; that wasn't contrived in the very least; no siree. Ralph sparks like mad and spins around before exploding into pieces. Much like this episode has. LP grabs the gun and it's Bominos In Stereo~! They have a meeting of the beaks; and it wasn't from....
Staci: Don't say it!
Staci: Real mature Bradley!
They leave the cell into the hallway as the ducks practice the fine art of not being seen as we make it to the door as Courage wants the tiny manhood and LP refuses. As they say: You heart and mind can be easily swayed; but your manhood is incredibly stubborn. Courage blows him off because he's the star of this show. He also a pain in the ass see as LP asks what show as Bulvan enters from the door (nice to see someone having BRAINS not named LP in this episode. Although Doofus; I can understand....) as the boys and LP panic. LP gets behind Bulvan and I say SHOOT THE DAMN ALIEN NOW! Bulvan will have everyone stuffed as LP has the MANHOOD OF DOOM and tells everyone to stand back. Courage then tells LP not to shoot. Why? So Courage can fight the alien because he's a dumb actor who cannot tell the difference between a work and a shoot silly. LP asks if he is crazy. Short answer: yes. Courage sezs no because he is Courage of the Cosmo as he invokes the POWER OF THE PUNCH and it bounces back and he goes flying. Well; not quite, as he gets his hand stuck in the alien goo.
Courage asks what is the deal addressing him as Murray because he is making him look bad. Please LP; give him a witty retort now and then shoot the damn alien! It doesn't happen of course as Courage pulls back and has slime over his hand and it appears his hand has been cut. Bulvan grabs him and then throws him into the wall with his head with a MAN-SIZED bump. Oh god; that was pretty sick and violent. Bulvan turns around as LP isn't afraid to shoot to kill. Bulvan blows him off because it's just a food syn-whatever. LP shoots it anyway and some egg yolk splatters right in Bulvan's kisser. HAHA! Huey goes over to Major Courage and asks if he is all right. Courage then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and turns into Lobster Courage as he dives into the porthole and locks himself in. HAHA! I knew this would happen sooner or later. And in honor of Courage's realization; I offer this poem from DingoJack of Dispatches from the Culture Wars (and Lewis Carol):
"When the sands are all dry he's a gay a lark
And talks in contemptuous tones of the shark
But when the tide rises and sharks are around
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound..."
Huey and Dewey try to get the porthole open; but no dice. We then cut to outside as the golden space ship drives away stage left as Lobster Courage now is a chicken with a yellow streak down his back. We cut back to the porthole as Huey declares that they are trapped here and wonders what they can do. LP has an idea and it is to run as he bails stage right as we see Bulvan and three alien guards on standby. Bulvan orders the alien to get them and the chase is on as the nephews, Doofus and LP run away with feathers flying as the segment ends there 17 and a half minutes in. Well; at least now the brain farts from the nephews is gone and we can at least have a really good finish this time around.
After the commercial break; we go down the hallway as it's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE ALIEN EDITION VERSION 5! LP stops midway and pours some pancake food batter onto the floor and narturally; the idiot aliens don't see where they are going and they slip and slide on the batter and take a decent bump into a wall. There was a wall there somehow? Logic break #3 for the episode. They get buried in a pancake tomb as the boys and LP run into the cockpit area (I think) as the doors close. I see a red box on the red hand side; but nothing comes out of it. We head inside a pitch black room as the WHITE EYES OF DOOM beckon us. LP claims that he found the light switch and he flicks it and we see that it's the TELEPORTING ROOM and we get the Star Trek teleporting sequence (you know which one).
We then pan over as the door opens and in come the aliens as Bulvan proclaims that they must not escape. They go onto the teleporter and we get the sequence as we return seeing that the aliens and the nephews have switched body parts and what not. And Rescue Rangers stole that one and did a twist of having Gadget's body replaced with Dale's creating some nightmares for BS&P. This goes on for a while before LP, the nephews and Doofus get their bodies back and they bail stage right. The aliens follow suit (and we get another logic break as there are five aliens chasing them instead of four); but the door closes on them and they take wussy bumps into it. LP tells them to stand back as he shoots the Pancake Batter Laser into the red power box and it explodes and sparks on cue. That is one acidic pancake batter. Doofus tastes the batter and it tastes good. LP orders the nephews to guard the door; while he and Doofus go to the bridge (probably as punishment for taking Courage's side). The nephews salute without question this time around.
So we head to the director room as Gyro is on the radio and the radio is fixed along with the smashed control panel. Scrooge is from behind as Gyro calls for the Starship Phoenix (Hal Smith sounds like he has a cold when Gyro is serious) as Scrooge steals the headphones from him as he calls for the ship and we see on the screen Major Courage on the television set on controls. Scrooge demands to know where the rest of the ducks are as he sees no one else on the cameras as Courage panics like a baby. They are back with the aliens and they wanted to grind him up into mulch as he cuts a full of himself promo in the process. Scrooge orders him to turn back or he's fired from Duckburg all together. Courage blows him off as he shows his five year contract..and Scrooge gets PISSED off as he tries to use the cane again; but Gyro stops him this time (and TMS screws up the spot). Oh; for crying out loud Scroogie! Just fire him...the only way that contract is legit is if he said it was iron clad.
We then head into the hallway of the space ship with Doofus and LP and once again the Disney Captions team misspells Geez as Guy. Doofus is sorry for ever doubting him as he admits that Courage is nothing but hot air. LP forgives him because he was dazzled by Hollywood see. They make it to the control panel of doom which contains the WII GLOBE OF FLASHING DEATH which LP calls a screwy contraption. LP sits down and questions himself flying it as Doofus proclaims that he can because he is a great pilot. And a funny fatalist to boot. I made that one up; but we know it is true. LP thanks and calls Doofus a great sidekick. I agree and that title should remain off Kit's record forevermore. Doofus swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Aw; shucks!) as LP plays ball tracking as the engines of the alien space ship start up and begin to roar. LP calls it a piece of cake as he continues with the motion controls as the spaceship flies around stage left. We cut back to the hallway near the door as the nephews march and guard the door. They stop on a dime and notice that the aliens are cutting through the door. D'OH! Huey gets off QUACKROONIE #1 for the first time in Ducktales (and Disney Captions spells it as Quackerooni) as he proclaims that if they burn through the door; they are finished. Quackeroonie is a nice way of saying Oh My God by the way.
We then return to the director room as Courage is relaxing like the cocky heel that he is as he goes LA-LA-LA (without the sticking in the ears spot) as he is safe and sound and he escaped from the murderous aliens while laughing. Scrooge then gets off this gem....
Scrooge: If he ever gets home alive; I'LL KILL HIM!
I betcha anime purists just got their heads exploding on that one. Or maybe not. Gyro proclaims that it doesn't matter because he has company as the alien spaceship is following them and Major Courage notices it on the monitor and panics like a little bunny rabbit. He even loses his feather piece to boot (so it WAS fake all along!) as the space ship rockets away from the alien space ship. And that leads to the DOGFIGHT OF SCOOBY DOO DOOM THE SPACE EDITION~! The alien space ship grabs it with the tentacles and then Gyro grabs Scrooge's cane as the picture is gone and then Gyro smashes the console! Okay now THAT makes sense. Or maybe not. So we return to the locked door in the hallway as the aliens cut through the door (using the smallest circle possible to fit everyone but Bulvan) and the alien guards escape through as we cut to the boy climbing down the ladder to inside the golden rocket and they are PISSED OFF now. YAY! The finish is going to be awesome and this episode is saved. Thanks to the Kick Ass...ERRR...I mean Powerpuff...Oh wait; wrong show..Never mind.
We pan over to see Courage displaying his Lobster Courage as I expected him to. The nephews blow him off as Doofus introduces the real hero as Launchpad McQuack. You know; this would have been more effective if the nephews were not here; but you know what, I'm happy it ended this way. LP climbs down and he wants to make tracks now. We then cut to outside as we see the rocket leave the tentacles and it rockets away stage left. Doofus then corrects LP because it's stage right. LP apologizes for the gaffe and rockets the other way. We then cut to the cockpit of the alien spaceship as Bulvan looks at the radar as alien guard #1 (I'm guessing Hal Smith on this one) proclaims that they are getting away and Bulvan states that they won't. They have the data from LP's head and they will just beat them to planet Earth as we get more shots from earlier in the episode during the brainwashing sequence and then a printer paper spot (on an alien spaceship?). Bulvan than proclaims to engage auto pilot and they fly stage left and bounce into every planet and star in the solar system. HAHA! Never screw with the fatalism pilot ever. LP calls that using his head as he watches on. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.
So we head back to Duckburg studios near the gate as Scrooge, the nephews, Doofus and Launchpad walk out. Scrooge asks if the boys aren't too unhappy that Courage of the Cosmos was canceled. Dewey states that they are not because that fake show is just for kids. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Psychological Projection much there Dewey?! Doofus proclaims that real heroes just do their jobs. Launchpad asks about Major Lobster Courage as Scrooge explains that when the show was canceled; he had to find a way to make money on the studio. Scrooge goes to a room and opens the door. The door opens and we see Gyro as he invites them into the converted space museum. Doofus asks about Major Courage and Scrooge states that he had to find him a new line of work. We then cut over to see the bully kids bully Courage in the most absurd pink alien clothing in history as he is hawking Mars-icles (I smell trademark lawsuit commencing here) and Moon Rock Candy. The kids act like a bunch of little bastards as they bite and claw and harass Courage to no end. HAHA! Lobster Courage at it's finest! Courage asks Scrooge to get out of the job and Scrooge no sells because he has an iron clad five year contract...and he will sue if Courage breaches it (okay he didn't say that; but it is implied). Courage cries like a weak baby as the kids overwhelm him as this is the old Ace London ending from Mach One For The Gipper. Scrooge and LP nod in approval to end the episode at 21:15. The climax and awesome ending made up for a lackluster episode overall. *** (60%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this episode was pretty disappointing for me as I just didn't buy the nephews being so stupid in buying into Courage's antics even though it was clear from the start that they were in a television studio and therefore it should have clicked to them that the whole thing was an act. I can understand Doofus being charmed and it would have worked with him only, but the nephews being along just dragged things down as a whole. I also found Scrooge smashing the console so Donald Duck like that I couldn't buy into that either; although I did like Gyro's version of it. TMS animation screw ups didn't help either. I did like Bulvan; although the aliens were fat versions of the Snorks. This episode was all Major Courage and Launchpad carrying it kicking and screaming. As slimy as Courage turned out to be; he really played the part well. And once the nephews snapped out of their stupid act; the episode redeemed itself enough to make it watchable and we got a really fitting ending to the whole thing. I still think Flash the Wonderdog is better simply because Dale is too stupid to figure out the difference and Bullethead Baloo was a different breed of animal altogether since it was Baloo seeking approval to show Kit that he was a hero (even though Kit knew who real heroes are (because he was one in a real sense) despite Ernie and the Jungle Aces insisting that he worship a false idol) and failing because he wasn't himself and it almost ended up with Kit worshiping a fake hero instead of a real one; or even himself AS one. So that concludes the regular episode ranting a few days late due to tiredness from Tuesday. So next up; I start my Ducktales marathon as I try to do two episodes a day until the DVD set runs out. So we start with two Gyro episodes: Armstrong and Robot Robbers. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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