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The Good Muddahs
Reviewed: 01/15/2012
The Beagle Babes Do Some Illegal Kidnapping!
We are now into our four episode of Ducktales in late 1989 and we haven't had a real standout episode as of yet. This episode might be the only appearance of the Beagle Babes; the female version of the Beagle Boys. And they like to do some kidnapping; which the victim might surprise you. Although a year later; it turned out to be not surprising at all. So how does this episode do?! So let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written by Ken Koonce & David Weimers.
We begin this one at Scrooge's mansion and there is an earthquake in progress! SAVE ME! SAVE ME! Oh wait; it's just Bubba riding Tootsie in the living room. No surprise that the nephews (in cowboy gear from Ducks Of The West) are enabling him. Mrs. Beakly runs in panicking with Webby and then blows off the nephews for driving her crazy. The nephews apologize and Mrs. Beakly wants them to play quietly with Webby instead. Needless to say; Ken Koonce & David Weimers do not believe in something called character development and the nephews are repulsed by it and everyone including Bubba storm out. Wait; I thought Bubba liked Webby? Does that make any sense guys? I guess so. Webby isn't happy; so she asks Mrs. Beakly to play with her and she no sells the deal because she's busy. She suggests talking to Scrooge and we head outside on the window shot as Scrooge heads to the limo at the fountain. Webby runs in and pulls on Scrooge's coat to get his attention. Scrooge no sells reading a story to her as he has important business to attend to. He tells her to play with the nephews and closes the door. He tells Duckworth to drive him to the South Bunyan Embassy and Duckworth drives out of the driveway. Webby sulks away proclaiming that no one wants her around. Wrong Webby; only those sexist nephews don't want you around. The rest are either too busy; or too dumb like Bubba Clubba. So we head inside Scrooge's limo as he is on the ever changing telephone to the warden who is calling in his office somewhere. The warden is red haired, blue suit, and a red mustache dogperson who has behind him six monitors featuring five Beagle Boys and Ma Beagle. I don't recall Ma Beagle ever being arrested before. Must be one of those contrived moments for me. Anyhow...
...the
warden is voiced by the late Charles Pierce (passed away in 1999) and
according to the USIMDB: The
career of actor and night club performer Charles Pierce, the "Master
and Mistress of Surprise or Disguise" included acting and radio
announcing, but as a female impersonator, Pierce has left his
audiences weak with laughter, and brightened their lives with his
wicked and sometimes irreverent impressions of film stars, ranging
from Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Tallulah Bankhead, Carol Channing,
Katharine Hepburn and even "Mrs. Olsen" of the Folgers
coffee commercials. His career took him to London, New York, San
Francisco, Miami Beach, Los Angeles and Chicago. His show at the
Dorothy Chandler Pavilion was video taped and broadcast on the
Playboy Channel. His engagements at the Henry Fonda Theater
(Hollywood), Ballroom and Village Gate (Manhattan) and the Fortune
Theater (London) were all sell-outs. During his illustrious career,
celebrities around the world, including Tommy Tune, Anita Loos,
Beatrice Arthur, Eugenia Bankhead (the sister), the Incomparable
Hildegarde (with whom he appeared at Town Hall in New York), and
Stephen Sondheim have toasted him. In the mid-1990s he retired,
having lost his manager and dresser to the AIDS epidemic. He made a
few appearances for special events, such as author/actor Charles
Busch's highly successful Town Hall drag summit show in New York
City, which featured Milton Berle and all the best drag acts. (Busch,
who is working on a film, could not be reached for comment). In the
last couple of years, Charles gathered together all his scrapbooks
photographs, programs, recordings and videotapes and shipped them to
the Performing Arts Library of Lincoln Center, New York. By May 1999
the materials were cataloged by the staff, and are now available to
researchers.
Born on Bastille Day in 1926, Charles was named
after his grandfather, Dr. Charles E. Pierce, and spent his youth in
Watertown, New York. Beginning around 1944, Charles worked at a local
radio station WWNY, playing the Hammond organ and acting in radio
dramas. In a vintage photo taken at the station, 18-year-old Charles,
seated at the organ, is shown looking at the sheet music of "They're
Either Too Young Or Too Old," a song Bette Davis sang in the
Warner Bros. film "Thank Your Lucky Stars." It was not easy
for the critics to describe Charles' unique act, but when they did,
he would happily appropriate the description. Apparently it was Herb
Caen (in whose San Francisco Chronicle gossip column Charles appeared
50 times) who dubbed Charles a "male actress." Another
description Pierce enjoyed was "the Master and Mistress of
Surprise or Disguise." When he played the Fairmont Venetian Room
in the 1980s, the ads showed Charles as Bette Davis, holding a
smoldering cigarette, with the caption, "The Last Drag."
Charles' first stand-up comedy routines were naïvely costumed.
In a radio interview with me in 1983, Charles said, "Through the
years the act has had a lot of phases. I originally started in a
tuxedo with a box of props. Then I started working clubs in Florida
that required a lot of changes in material, so then I started working
more or less in drag, and I say 'more or less' because Florida [laws]
were very strict: You could wear black pants, you could wear a black
turtle neck sweater, but you could not wear a dress. You could put
feather boas on, and hats and gloves and pocketbooks, but you
couldn't be in drag. And so we did a lot of pantomimes, and then I
would do my 'live' material (maybe 10 minutes) at the end of that
show. Eventually we ended up here in San Francisco (When I say 'we,'
I refer to my partner at that time, Rio Dante), and we 'holed up' at
the Gilded Cage for six years. We did a lot of pantomimes, and Mae
West's [rock and roll] 'Treat Him Right' was one of them." In
this same interview, Pierce told me he never took the impersonations
too seriously, "I've been billed as the 'stand up comic in a
dress or 'the grand impostor,'...but it's all for laughs, it's all
for fun and comedy."
Through the years, Charles'
reputation built up from playing small gay clubs around the country,
but San Francisco embraced him as no other town. John Walraff, who
attended the Pasadena Playhouse with Charles in 1947-48 reminisced:
"He wanted to be a stage actor. He raced around Hollywood trying
to get jobs. He went to a theatre group called Cabaret Concert, doing
sketches à la Noël Coward. Back at Pasadena Playhouse, he
played in Richard III and played the Ghost of Christmas Past in A
Christmas Carol, Pierce also did some summer stock in upstate New
York before returning to California. He had gone to see Arthur Blake
- who did famous impressions of Bette Davis, Charles Laughton, and
Tallulah Bankhead. Charles submitted some material to Blake, but
Blake told him he wrote his own, so Charles said 'I'll use it
myself!' While Living at Algonquin Hotel in Pasadena, in the early
50s, we went to see 'The Star' with Bette Davis. Charles decided it
was fodder for a comedy parody, and performed it for me in his
apartment. Charles and I started writing material, such as the Norma
Desmond routine. At a Hollywood party, he played for a group that
included Harriet Parsons (Louella's daughter), Jane Withers, Franklyn
Pangborn, and Mary McCarty. Charles did the tux bit in Altadena at
Café La Vie, doing stand-up seriously. At various bars, he
would improvise. Eventually Ann Dee, of Ann's 440 (San Francisco) saw
him in Altadena and signed him up for her club, where Johnny Mathis
later got his start.
He then traveled to Florida, to the Red
Carpet (Miami Beach) and the Echo Club. In Miami he met his future
show-biz partner, Rio Dante, and they started to do lypsynching. They
also created the puppets (The Moppettes), headless puppets Charles
would put up to his own face and then perform outrageous dialogue and
suggestive poses - with the likes of Shirley Temple, a Singing Nun,
and a stripper. Rio Dante and Charles did a gig at the Statler Hotel
in Hollywood and the Club Capri. Next stop was San Francisco's
legendary Gilded Cage, around 1962, where he played a record six
years. He made many appearances on television, but not always in
drag: Wonder Woman, Designing Women, Fame (as a bag lady), Wayland
Flowers and Madame, Love American Style, Chico and the Man. Starsky
and Hutch, Laverne & Shirley, and the talk shows of Dick Cavett,
Merv Griffin, Mike Douglass and Regis & Kathy Lee." He was
selected by playwright Harvey Fierstein to play "Bertha
Venation" in the film "Torch Song Trilogy." Pierce
rolls his eyes in the dress shop when Harvey Fiersetin tells Matthew
Broderick that "...if anyone asks, I'm the pretty one."
Through the years, Charles had the best musical
directors/accompanists in the business, and they all admitted to
having learned a great deal about comedy and timing from Mr. Pierce.
Those who have accompanied him include Michael Biagi, Michael Ashton,
Joan Edgar, Rio Dante, and Michael Feinstein (Backlot of Studio One,
September, 1981). That's three Michaels, a Rio and a "real
Woman," as Charles used to call Joan in front of a screaming,
adoring audience. Joan Edgar, Charles' musical director for seven
years, marveled at the way he would constantly work on his act, even
up to the final performance. At the end of a three-month run, just
before the final show, in his dressing room he remarked, "Darling,
you know that line where I say that our theatre curtain used to be
Orson Welles' boxer shorts? Well, it would sound funnier if I said,
"It was one of Kate Smith's slack suits. You see, the sound of
all those consonant 'ks' make it sound funnier...or, how would it
sound to say Rosemary Clooney's caftan?" Billy Saetre, a
professional singer/friend of Pierce living in Munich, remarked,
"There is a genuine warmth and love of the 'art' of performing
that so few folks have anymore. Of course being in the classical
branch of performing, I see a completely different side of this silly
world, where 'genuineness' is absolutely foreign. There is such a
love of humor with Charles, and when he blows a line, or messes up a
joke/story, he relishes in his own embarrassment as well as getting
himself out of the situation...I remember crying at his last show
when he sang "Illusion" (an old Dietrich number). There is
something so poignant about him and his connection with an audience
...Charles Pierce completes the information from Alpha to Omega.
Everything the audience not only wants, but needs to know, is shared.
No silly nonsense or mystery there. Gott sei Dank!"
Russ
Alley (General Manager of the York Hotel and Plush Room 1980-1983)
produced more than 500 performances of Pierce at the York Hotel's
Plush Room. Alley later went to work at the Fairmont, director of
Public Relations & Entertainment, for Rick Swig. It was there
that Alley convinced Swig to hire Charles Pierce, by showing him the
Pierce's revenue had "saved" the Plush Room from closing.
Alley remarked, "I had been trying to sell Charles to the for
years. I showed Swig the numbers, and told him 'Herb Caen will love
it.'" And he did. Alley continued, "There will never be
another Charles...or a better Katharine Hepburn as 'Eleanor of
Acquitaine' (turkey waddle!) Maria Ouspenskaya (one of his Turban
Ladies) Bette, Tallulah, those ratty foxes of his from way
back....Dietrich "I was on a fwight fwom pawwis to Los Angewis
and both of my wegs were on the fwight wif me; one in first cwass and
the other in coach...", and of course Jeanette MacDonald and
that swing. So many great memories." John Epperson (The Fabulous
Lypsinka) remarked, "Charles Pierce, the self-described 'male
actress,' was one of the funniest people in the world. He was also
incredibly generous. He had many successes at The Ballroom, a
nightclub in New York City. In 1991, when the management asked him to
PLEASE come back again, he said, 'Call Lypsinka instead.' He was
sorely missed by all of his fans for the last several years in all
the venues where he was so popular. At The Plush Room many years ago,
he acknowledged his good friend Bea Arthur, in the audience, as
having the greatest comic timing in the world. He should know:
Charles had the second best. People who never saw him as Tallulah and
Bette Davis--at the same time--don't know what they've missed.
(People who don't know Tallulah and Bette don't know what they're
missing!) People who did see Charles' act know they saw a comic
mastermind. He
started with The Partners in 1972. Ducktales is his only DTVA
appearance and the Butcher's Wife in 1991 was his final known credit.
He has only 15 acting credits to his resume. Interesting.
So the Beagle Boys (and Ma Beagle) are in jail locked up according to the warden as Scrooge wants the warden to keep a close eye on them so they won't escape and steal the South Buyanian crown jewels. The warden assures that the people who might steal them will NOT be the Beagle Boys. Scrooge gleefully answers that one for me. And in a sad way; he has a point since we scene change to a bunch of abandoned apartment buildings as I just realized that the abandoned building in question is the one next to the original Beagle Boys hideout. We head inside and the place looks a whole lot snazzier than the Beagle Boy's hideout by a country mile as we see three girls with purple masks on the pan shot. The first one in question is fat and has a honeycomb hairstyle and using the mirror of vanity to style her hair. She's the one sitting next to the record player on the table. The second one is wearing a green hat with blond hair, purple mask and a pink dress. She's thinner and has fishnet stockings and is using a nail file on her fingernails. The third one is wearing a blue dress carrying the newspaper with red high heels and she speaks first so I'm guessing that she is the leader with brown curly hair. She is Baby Doll according to the blond Beagle Babes and I know this because they are wearing their serial numbers on their chests.
Baby
Doll is voiced by Jo Anne Worley (Yes; I did remember her in The
Wuzzles as Hoppo, but I didn't give her a proper introduction so...)
and according to the USIMDB: This
tall (with piled-on jet-black hair), attractive, tunnel-mouthed
comedienne is a one-of-a-kind commodity and certainly no shrinking
violet when it comes to entertaining. Unapologetically, she adores
the center stage...and vice versa -- the stage loves her. Like
several of her "Rowan
& Martin's Laugh-In" (1967) cohorts, Jo Anne Worley
zoomed to overnight cult stardom in the late 1960s but, in her case,
was able to extend her wild and woolly popularity to several other
levels once her "fifteen minutes" of fame was over. Over
the years, she has situated herself nicely into night clubs, musical
theater productions, game shows, talk shows, commercials, and even
cartoons. Four decades plus later, Jo Anne continues to delight and
is instantly recognized with a mere raucous laugh and/or trademark
pointy digit embedded in her cheek. The brassy, indefatigable Jo Anne
was born in Lowell, Indiana, on September 6, 1937, the third of five
children and has always separated herself from the crowd with her
distinctively loud voice, whether singing or not. The writing was on
the wall when she was crowned "school comedienne" in high
school. Following graduation (1955), she traveled east to pursue her
dreams and initially apprenticed with the Pickwick Players. After a
two-year dramatic scholarship to Midwestern State University, she
transferred to Los Angeles City College and also trained at the
Pasadena Playhouse. It did not take long before she made her
professional debut
in a production of "Wonderful Town." In 1961, she garnered
some attention in the popular L.A. musical revue "Billy Barnes
People," a show that took her all the way, if very briefly, to
Broadway.
Performing
in assorted musicals and revues over the next few years including
"Carnival" (1962), "Second City Review" (1964),
and "Hotel Passionato" (1965), Jo Anne's career was given a
boost when she co-starred with fellow up-and-comers Linda
Lavin and 'Paul Sand (I)'_ in the Mad Magazine-inspired
off-Broadway
revue "The Mad Show" in 1966. That same year, she received
the break she was looking for when she was discovered by talk-show
host Merv Griffin
while showcasing her nightclub act in Greenwich Village. Griffin took
a strong liking to her and gave her a viable comedy platform to play
on with approximately 200 appearances in all. Producer George
Schlatter caught Jo Anne's zany antics on Griffin's show and
invited her to swinging TV stardom in 1968. The rest is history. It's
not always easy to stand out in a large ensemble but Jo Anne did,
complete with unabashed manic energy and faux operatic tones on
"Rowan &
Martin's Laugh-In" (1967) as part of the "let it all
hang out" generation. In this psychedelic, irreverently
political pastiche of comedy slapstick and music, Jo Anne found a
perfect forum for her talents. Her bold, infectious comic flair
proved a real crowd pleaser, and the big boned brunette became a
certifiable TV star. While the show also made stars out of Ruth
Buzzi, Henry Gibson
and Arte Johnson
and superstars out of Goldie
Hawn and Lily
Tomlin, it also managed to rebuff the somewhat fading stars of
co-hosts Dan Rowan
and Dick Martin,
and singer/actress Judy
Carne.
In 1970, Jo Anne left the celebrated madness at the
peak of the show's popularity to pursue a variety of other creative
outlets. She made onscreen guest appearances on several TV shows,
notably "Love,
American Style" (1969), and was a steadfast presence on the
talk show, variety show and game show circuits. Strangly enough,
however, she never found a sitcom or another TV vehicle to adequately
test-drive her comedy revvings. With such a high-wattage personality
that invites comparisons to Carol
Burnett, Carol
Channing and Ethel
Merman, Jo Anne may have out-sized herself for films but her
larger-than-life presence perfectly fit the musical theater bill. For
decades she found a vast number of showcases to logically suit her.
Her many musical tours have included, notably, "Gypsy" as
Mama Rose, "The Wizard of Oz" as the Wicked Witch, and
"Mame" as the title socialite. In addition, Jo Anne has
found marvelous vehicles in "The Pirates of Penzance,"
"Annie Get Your Gun," "Anything Goes,"
"Nunsense," "Grease!," "Call Me Madam,"
and "Annie". Her non-singing theater resume includes "Luv,"
"Same Time, Next Year," "Lovers and Other Strangers,"
"Moon Over Buffalo," "Steel Magnolias," and the
female version of "The Odd Couple." Many of these shows
co-starred then-husband Roger
Perry, whom she married in 1975. The couple had no children and
divorced in 2000.
In 1989, Jo Anne returned to Broadway
to appear in the original performance of "The Prince of Central
Park." Her work over the years has been plentiful, especially
for the Disney people, including the movie The
Shaggy D.A. (1976) and animated features Beauty
and the Beast (1991) (as the voice of the Wardrobe) and A
Goofy Movie (1995). In other pursuits, Jo Anne has been active on
the lecture circuit and has also served on the Board of Directors for
Actors and Others for Animals. She also performs in concert,
typically offering parodies of well-known songs to suit her
man-chasing personality. A culinary enthusiast, she has also been
seen whipping up specialties on the Food Network ("Ready Set
Cook" and "Chef du jour"). She
started in 1961 with Adventures in Paradise. The Wuzzles as Hoppo is
her DTVA debut and she also appeared as Mrs. Rockwaller in Kim
Possible, and Maggie in Wizards of Waverly Place. She has 48 acting
credits and 64 self credits. Bones, Jessie and Curb Your Enthusiasm
are her most recent credits.
Anyhow; the guise of all this is that Baby Doll hates the place and thinks the woman's prison was better. I see they banned co-ed prisons since Super Ducktales. I think she was supposed to say hell hole; but sezs cess-hole in order to please BS&P. She also doesn't like robbing lipstick stores (and apparently hates Mary Kane) as the blond bombshell (I'm calling her Blond Bomb for now. Voiced by Victoria Caroll) wants to move on up. The honeycomb Beagle Babe (I'm going to call her Honeybee) takes the newspaper and sees their saving grace which is Scrooge's display of the South Bunyon crown jewels. Blond Bomb loves this because diamonds are a Beagle Babe's best friend to her; but Honeybee (judging by her voice; it's Susan Blu. I might have her mixed up with Boom-Boom.) blows it off because they want some quick cash. And she has a Krackpotkin Plan to do it too. So we head to the museum as various denizens enter and exit the building as we head inside and pan over the denizen observing the crown jewels and they are mostly crowns. We see Scrooge in the foreground talking to...Mrs. Beakly?! WHAT THE HELL?! She wasn't in the limo with Scrooge at all; she was still in the building when Scrooge left with Duckworth. That should be Duckworth with him. Logic break #1 for the episode nearly four minutes in. We find out that the South Bunyon king's name is Rootin-Tootin. So this is Captain Foghorn's treasure. Memo to Scrooge: LOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSS-EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR! Had to get that one in as we head to the top of the building opposite to the museum as the Beagle Babes look on with binoculars and see the CLONES OF ABOMINATION. Seriously; they used the same dogsperson dressed in a brown security outfit for the guards. And there are metal detectors even though we see no such thing. Unless they are implying that the guards are the metal detectors. Not a smart idea Scroogie. Anyhow; Baby Doll and Blond Bomb have a plan and it involves using Honeybee's hair as a battering ram. I also discover that her real name is Buffon. I like Honeybee better ladies. So we scene change and the Beagle Babes all enter through the museum through the front door as the guards don't realize that they have serial number on their chests as usual. Ah; they do have real metal detectors. I apologize Scroogie. And one of them goes off right when Buffon enters. The guard orders Buffon to open her purse and we see that it contains a can of hairspray and she blows off the guard for going after people like that. That joke sounds a lot less funny after 9/11 and after various false alarms involving liquid gels containers. She gets in anyway though.
So Buffon runs into a hallway and they come in as Buffon wants the rod unpacked as Baby Doll pulls a...a...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! It looks like a pink rifle. Now in all fairness; that blunderbuss looks ultra cool and all; but it is so BS&P'ed that it is not funny. Made even worse by the fact that the other girls run in calling this a bumpy heist with pistols and ordering a stick up (using an obvious zoom out shot to blur the firearms as much as possible). Scrooge demands answers to this outrage. Sadly; that outrage does not involve why the blunderbuss is pink. Sadly; when Buffon introduces her train; the pistol are in plain sight for all to see. I mention this because in The Golden Sprocket of Friendship; most of the pistol pointing was cut on near shots. Although this version is from Family Channel Canada; so who knows? Anyhow; Scrooge refuses as usual, so Buffon decides to cock her gun as it sparks (another spot that would be cut in TaleSpin) and of course she forgot the bullets. Must be ordering from the same guy as the Thembrians order their bullets. Blond Bomb isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer see and the guards blow their cover and the Beagle Babes bail stage left. However; Baby Doll is so stubborn that she stays in one spot and does the Gruffi pose. I'm guessing that the Blond Bomb's name is Boom Boom since she was the one who screwed up. So the brown haired babe is Baby Doll, The fat one is Buffon (strangely; the one who sounds almost like Hoppo) and the blond one is Boom Boom. Baby Doll wants to go to plan B; and the others claim that there isn't a plan B. So Baby Doll sees her plan b as we really break logic and see that the nephews and Webby have joined in. So let me get this straight: Scrooge was going to display the jewels and took the limo. So how did everyone else join in? And where is Bubba? If this was designed to just bring Webby into the mix; why not just have Webby simply ride on the back instead of having her walk back to the house? God; this is so contrived and forced. So Baby Doll kidnaps Webby outright; as the babyfaces seems so frozen in place and unable to do anything. As contrived as this scene is; I got to admit that this was pretty gutsy on the writers part. And this would not be the last time a girl under age ten was kidnapped. Molly was only six years old and she got kidnapped in Molly Coddled. And arrested in Thembria in Flight Of The Snowduck. And got a gun pointed at her in that episode and Mommy For A Day.
So the Beagle Babes run into the ladies restroom; and the guards are paralyzed to do anything since it's woman only. Considering that I hear stories about how police raid the wrong house looking for drugs; that is just a really lame joke. Thankfully; Mrs. Beakly shoves them aside and opens the door and notices that they went through the window and escaped. Well; that was pretty quick and direct eh? So we head to the WORRY ROOM OF DOOM as Scrooge paces around a statue of himself and wears down the floor again. Then the door opens and in comes the babyfaces as Huey gives Scrooge a telegram from Western Kidnapping. Isn't that just asking to be discovered by the cops? Seriously guys. Scrooge reads the telegram and the Beagle Babes wants the crown jewels in exchange for Webby. Mrs. Beakly demands Scrooge give them the jewels; but there's a problem since Scrooge doesn't own the jewels, as they are on loan from South Bunyan. If he gives them the jewels; we would have an international incident. Like that has stopped TaleSpin characters before eh Scrooge? Mrs. Beakly proclaims that they must do something; but Scrooge tells her to calm down because he is getting the police on the case as he shows his pocket watch and states that they will be here in minutes. Which we get the wavy scene changer to indicate that it took hours and there is a knock on the door and in comes two police officers: a dogperson and a bird officer in blue police uniforms. And they sounds like the worst Keystone Kops you could ever imagine. They just entered Police Academy. Scrooge of course sounds like me on rookie bus drivers. Only with a lot more justification than I could ever have. They have bully clubs and they inform Scrooge that the entire police force is on vacation; or keeping the Beagle Boys at bay. Ooops Scroogie. Scrooge face palms like crazy. Mrs. Beakly shows the picture of Webby to the Keystone Kops and both officers salute like a bunch of rookies. So the officers run up the stairs and Scrooge grabs them demanding answers to this outrage. KSK #1 proclaims that Webby is taking a nap; so they are just checking on her. HEE HEE! Scrooge forces them out of the mansion. Thank goodness they are rookies because they are too dumb to arrest Scrooge for disorderly conduct. Then again; after going to jail twice in the previous episode; I guess the writers have filled their quota of forcing Scrooge in jail for now. Mrs. Beakly doesn't like this at all and hopes Webby is all right as they bite their hands.
So we head to the hideout of doom AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we see Webby sobbing like a baby next to Baby Doll as Boom Boom is trying to calm her down. Buffon surprises me by telling them to shut Webby up and I do mean “shut her up”. She said that line directly. Boom Boom doesn't know what to do since she has been sobbing for 12 hours. Oh please guys; I know that she has been kidnapped; but 12 hours? GeoX is right; they are writing her like “They didn't want her in this F'N show; so make her as weak as possible just to smite BS&P.”. I cannot believe Molly Cunningham turned out as good as she did. Then again; Libby Hinson wrote most of her material so there you go. Although Russi Taylor's acting is top notch here; but still...Webby blows them off because they are only kidnapping her because she's a defenseless little girl. If this were Molly; these three Beagle Babes would have to bring the guns out just to stop her. All Boom Boom has to do is tell the truth and she sobs like a baby again. Oh lord; please someone whip these sexist writers good! So Buffon orders them to put Webby to bed and they bring out the folding bed and put Webby on it. Webby demands that they read Cinderella to her. Buffon tells Boom Boom to tell her the story; but Boom Boom only knows tall tales to a jury. HAHA! Why doesn't that surprise me? So Buffon decides to do it and she tells it in 15 seconds and it involves Cinderella killing the two stepsisters (I guess the stepmother was a goddess) and marrying the prince. Of course if this were today; it would be more like Cinderella bumping off the prince and becoming a queen while the stepsisters are her slaves. Actually; that would make for an interesting Robot Chicken episode either way. So Buffon tucks Webby in bed and Webby blows her off because that story is false. Screw you Webagail Vanderquack; that story was better and closer to the original story; so suck it up and LIKE it. Stop acting like a baby and act more like Molly Cunningham for a change! Baby Doll decides to give it a try and her version of the story involves tying Cinderella to a chair and eating rats from the cellar. It amazes me that DTVA would have the guts to revise Cinderella into something that looks closer to the original thing and/or has personality; and yet it's done by a company who released a completely watered down version for families. Webby is instantly repulsed by it. Molly might or might not enjoy it somewhat. So Webby does her version of the story and if you saw the scene from Dinosaur Ducks where Webby tells the cave ducks about her fairy tales, then you know exactly how it went. From my rant on Dinosaur Ducks:
...And she screws it up so badly that she's implying that someone's foot was asleep and kissing it woke it up. And to make the scene even more funny; the cave ducks are in tears hearing that. So am I; tears of laughter. Webby just saved the episode right there fans. Scrooge runs in and they embrace as Webby was telling the story of Snow White & The Three Bears. Now THERE'S a movie someone in feature should exploit. It's not like we are going to believe that TaleSpin is not a parody of the Jungle Book and a spin off of Ducktales; or a rip off of Tales of The Golden Monkey or anything. To new Disney: You can have that one for free. It's so high concept; not even the Jonas Brothers can screw it up.
And it is so absurd that the Beagle Babes fall asleep. HAHA! I just wish Webby wouldn't sob like a baby before she started the story. Webby practices the fine art of not being seen and goes to the door; but then stops. Why? Because according to her; no one wants her at home. Oh lord that was dumb. Why? Because she was WITH the nephews and Mrs. Beakly when she was kidnapped. Poorly written tripe! Mommy For A Day made a lot more sense than this because we saw Rebecca was clearly too busy and everyone was way too busy to play with her. There was no sexism involved; just a lot of work. Here; it makes no sense and Webby's sudden hatred for her family is OUT OF NOWHERE. Sure; I can understand her hating the nephews; but Mrs. Beakly? God; I hate these writers sometimes. This is why I heart Libby Hinson; she would have found a way to make this episode work; or not even do this kind of episode. Not Ken Koonce and David Weimers. Anyhow; Webby crawls into bed and sleeps the night away. Morning arises (complete with cock crowing) as the Beagle Babes wake up and they panic because they think Webby escaped. However; they notice Webby's bow and Webby wakes up. Buffon is relieved that she stayed put; so Webby explains that everyone in her family is either too busy and hates her. The Beagle Babes are in tears as Boom Boom calls this family out for being cruel and engaging in weapons grade projection. Well; it's because they don't steal Boom-Boom. That's why life is so unfair. Now despite this all being so contrived and forced; the Beagle Babes reaction is really surprising and in a way a tender moment for them. They don't know how stupid Webby sounds; they only know from her talking and they feel sympathy for her. This is a step up for the writers and it makes the Beagle Babes somewhat of a different stripe compared to the Beagle Boys who are more ruthless than the Babes. Anyhow; Baby Doll tells Webby that they will take good care of her until at least the ransom is paid; or if there is a ransom. Buffon wants to go shoplifting for some breakfast and she is going to make a shoplifting list. HAHA! It's hotcakes and juice for everyone! So we scene change back to outside the hideout as Buffon enters the house as he hears noises which sounds like a struggle. Buffon brings out her gun and opens the door; and we see that the Beagle Babes and Webby are jumping on the bed and the chairs. HEE HEE!
Buffon demands answers to this outrage and the other Babes just like having fun with Webby. Buffon puts the gun down and proclaims that they have more important things to do. Baby Doll gleefully asks the question for me and we scene change to the Beagle Babes playing musical chairs. HAHA! Seriously; they are. I'm not making this up. So Webby stops the record player and we get a struggle which Baby Doll loses; thanks in large part of Buffon having her pistol on retainer. Should have brought the pink blunderbuss with you Baby Doll. You have no one but yourself to blame for that gaffe. Webby laughs and calls the ladies silly. I find that a wee bit silly that Webby would be laughing at them when Buffon clearly has her pistol with the safety lock off. So we head to the WORRY ROOM OF DOOM as Mrs. Beakly and Scrooge pace around some more. Mrs. Beakly pleads for Scrooge to give up the crown jewels; and Scrooge decides to give up that and the Money Bin. Then the conveniently placed telephone on a pillar rings and Scrooge answers it. We go to the split screen as Buffon is sitting on the chair talking about the ransom and Scrooge tells her that she has the crown jewels; and wants Webby released. Buffon no sells because she doesn't want them anymore. Scrooge is surprised to hear that and asks what they want. Buffon proclaims that she wants nothing because she has what she wants and she's keeping Webby as we see Webby and Baby Doll playing leap frog in the foreground. Scrooge cannot believe this as the phone goes dead and that ends the segment 12 minutes in. Well; that was a disaster of a first act; until the last two minutes of this actually.
After the commercial break; we head back to the worry room as Mrs. Beakly storms out of the room as Scrooge asks why she is leaving. Mrs. Beakly proclaims that she is sending out the Beagle Babes Buster; which of course it's her. She storms out proclaiming that no one kidnaps her grand daughter without a fight. So we head into the streets of Duckberg as a car stops in front of a toy store as we head inside to see the Beagle Babes talking plans. See; they are going on a shoplifting spree for Webby; Boom-Boom gets the honor of distracting the owner who so happens to be a bird wearing Gedo yellow and a red bow tie with overall straps. Boom-Boom isn't amused; so Buffon suggests using her good looks. So we go inside as Boom-Boom runs interference while Buffon and Baby Doll steal whatever toys they can carry out. Boom-Boom is looking for Bonnie & Clyde dolls and the owner blows it off because they were killers and are bad role models. Sounds like this is the Lion & Lamb Toy Store. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! For those who don't get the joke; the Lion & Lamb Project was an organization that rated dangerous toys and games. In hindsight; they were pretty valid and did care about the kids a lot more than most “moral purity” organizations I have seen; so I have no personal beef with them. Oh; and then Boom-Boom asks for toy guns and the owner states that they are in aisle three. HA! This has to be a rib on those “moral purity” organizations. Would have worked better if Bonnie & Clyde were perverts; but of course BS&P won't allow that. Baby Doll notices Buffon's hair and she has a plan and Buffon isn't happy at all. So we scene change back to the owner and Boom-Boom of course blows her cover and admits that she is only running interference. See this is why Boom-Boom wasn't such a great idea to run interference: She's a dumb blonde stereotype. Buffon walks out with toys sticking out of her hair; including a bicycle which the owner notes. Buffon gleefully sums it up for me as they all bail into the car like it's a clown car and drive away. The owner runs out and wants the police; but there are none except for the Captain Foghorn Love In Squad~! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So we head back to Scrooge's mansion and the phone rings off the hook. Scrooge answers it and it's good news since apparently; they caught the Beagle Babes. So we head to the police station and we do the dreaded line up of doom as it's clear the Keystone Kops of Dumbasses don't have the two clicks in the making of a clue as they pretty much captured anyone they could find off the street. And yes; Mrs. Beakly is in the police line up of course. This is what happens when you try to force every police to keep their eyes on Beagle Boys. They ask about charges and Scrooge gleefully sezs he will; against the Keystone Kops for being clueless dolts. So the kids and Bubba have their conference and proclaims that the police will never find her. So they agree to find her themselves; but wonder how. Bubba chimes in and Bubba knows. The nephews are confused; as I am. So Bubba sniffs the ground like a dog and we finally realize that it's Bubba's nose. He sniffs Webby's doll (which is funny because I don't recall Webby ever dropping the doll when she was kidnapped) and we have the scent as the nephews do a tongue twister to annoy GeoX. Me; who cares?! Anyhow; we return to the Beagle Babes' hideout as Webby loves these presents and cannot believe she found a doll that she wanted. The babes apologize for not finding a Quackypatch Doll though this one is classier and isn't a felon. Webby wonder how they got it because Scrooge never got her this doll because it would lower his Moneybin an inch. Really; a doll that lowers his Moneybin about one million dollars? Really? That old toy store? NOW the writers are trying to justify this and not make Webby sound like a crybaby. Only this fails badly. Boom-Boom claims that nothing is too expensive to rip off for Baby Doll; and they hug. Only for Webby to drop down and accuse them of stealing from Mr. Klinky; who is the shop's owner. So Webby has a concept of stealing; but doesn't know that shoplifting is basically the same thing. Nor the fact that she wanted the toys and thus is an accessory to “Grand Theft Toy”. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.... (Beagle Babes: You can make all the jokes you want on the adults and even on us; but Webby is OFF LIMITS BUSTER!)
Okay; so Webby goes on this great speech which is actually one of the best speeches I have ever heard from her and the music is so touching that the Beagle Babes start to cry. Yes; this episode is so contrived and the setup was so forced; but when it comes to pathos; this works! I didn't cry; but damn it to hell if it wasn't effective enough to make me love Webby here. I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader; but it involves needy children and feeding families. The thing that really helps this is that Webby doesn't yell; nor scream, nor even was angry once. She just pointed out the consequences and even the Beagle Babes cannot help but think she is right. So we return to the store as Mr. Kinkly locks up shop and walks away. So the Beagle Babes arrive practicing the fine art of not being seen and Buffon uses a hair clip to open the door and walk in. The alarm sounds and Boom-Boom is such a dumb blonde that she thinks she has won the door prize. HAHA! So Buffon is Big Time and Boom-Boom is Burger. I guess Baby Doll is the rebel of the group. Buffon blows her off and they rush in with the sack as the Keystone Kops enter and naturally the dogperson cop screws up. When the bird has the “brains” of the group; you know Scrooge is hosed. We see the Beagle Babes stocking the shelves and of course the Kops buy it hook, line and sinker. The Beagle Babes walk out without incident despite the fact that the Kops basically insult them. So we head around the corner with the Beagle Babes and Baby Doll gets one good insult on the way around. So we head back to the hideout as the nephews and Bubba finally make it to the stairs on the hideout and thus Bubba's nose strikes again. So the nephews ponder how to get them out and Louie thinks they need to flush them out. So they hide behind the stairs as Louie turns his cap around like Kit and invokes the MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS because it's the police and we have the place surrounded and they'll act like the big bad wolf. Riiiigggghhhhhtttt Louie; you couldn't prank the broad side of a barn. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Damn; now I'm writing like DTVA 1989. That's horrifying! So Webby runs out with her arms up. Something tells me she watched TaleSpin before; more to the point “Flight of The Snowduck”. Yeah; I know the show didn't exist for another year or so; but whatever. Webby is shocked to see them as Huey gives her the Quackypatch Doll and grabs her arm and wants to make a run for it. Webby shoves back and blows them off because she hates them now for hating her because she thinks they are sexist since they see her as a tag-along. Dewey gulps on cue and that ends the segment almost 17 minutes in. That was a really great middle there.
After the commercial break; we return to the sidewalk in front of the hideout as we exchange notes as Webby claims everyone is too busy for her. This excuse is so flimsy since Webby was with the nephews and Mrs. Beakly and Scrooge when they were at the museum; so they didn't seem all that busy. The nephew claim that they like her and Bubba also does and that he misses them. And so does everyone else. Webby then finally relents which is so flimsy in my view; but she still refuses to go because the Beagle Babes will miss her too. However; she has a plan to make them get rid of her and so we will play make believe. So we head back inside the hideout as the Beagle Babes open the door and they are SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to discover that Webby is in a red dress with oversized pearl necklace and a bow; looking like a gangster. The heels wonder what happened to her and Webby gets all nasty on them as she sits down and grabs the gun. And she does twirl a real pistol here. HOLY CRAP?! Memo to BS&P: Explain why Kit cannot have a gun in TaleSpin; but Webby can handle one?! Webby just one upped everyone including Kit F'N Cloudkicker. She wants to pull of a robbery of Pop's Piggybank (yes; she has the feet on the table why do you ask?) which is Scrooge's Money Bin. The heels shriek on cue as Webby brings out her goon squad to help; which are the nephews in trench coats and Bubba looking like a midget Bebop Beagle carrying a violin case. Louie is Lefty Louie (a booking name they swiped for My Fair Baloo later) who Baby Doll slaps skin; but Lefty wants five bucks. Dewey is Diehard Dewey twirling a water pistol and squirting it right between Buffon's eyes and mouth. Huey is Huey Kabooley (I see the Grimitz effect has infected this guy) as Huey is play smoking with a stick of TNT. No joke at all. And all kept in this version; as Toon Disney would have cut much of this out. Bubba is Duck Boy Down In The South Capone. Oh god; that name is too funny! Bubba The Clubber and he leaves up to his name by clubbing all international objects he can find not nailed down. The Beagle Babes are scared to death at what Webby has become, and Webby gleefully answers that one for me. HEE HEE! Buffon grabs Webby and blows off her sisters for acting like heels (Weapons grade projection indeed!) and decides to take her home where she belongs. Webby acts like this is for the best and then the plan goes to hell. And who ruins the whole damn thing? If you said the Keystone Kops of Dumbasses; you win the no-prize. NOW they grow a brain; just as this episode was getting into a groove.
I do not need to tell you that the Keystone Kops screw up the blow the house down promo as the Beagle Babes think the whole thing is dead now. Webby struggles free and everyone runs out the back to the car and the Beagle Babes get stuffed into the trunk of the car. What is the point of this? Oh yeah; we need a car chase scene because if there isn't one the episode sucks right writers? That is horrifying. Anyhow; the nephews do the human chain spot to drive the car and one of the nephews proclaim that it is going to be a bumpy getaway and Baby Doll resents that. So we drive away and of course the nephews have no idea what a clutch is. So the car drives away and the Keystone Kops follow them. Dewey is driving now and he calls this easy. Give him a Thembrian made car and he will change his mind. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The chase goes on for a while as they head for the mansion and of course Huey has zero idea where the brakes are as they crash through the window of the mansion as Scrooge and Mrs. Beakly duck and cover. The car bashes into the front of the stairs, spins around and stops. The nephews and Webby get out and Scrooge embraces Webby. Then the trunk opens and out come the Beagle Babes as Boom-Boom calls this cruel. Heh. Then everyone bails as the Keystone Kops drive in and we have a collision into the car of course just to annoy me. The idiots come out and Scrooge demands the heels to be arrested; so the KSK arrest Scrooge and Mrs. Beakly. HAHA! Scrooge blows them off; and the KSK correct themselves and the heels are arrested for real. Webby pleads for mercy; and Scrooge wonders how. Webby suggests a job and Scrooge agrees to have them work for the McDuck Daycare Center on maximum hours for low wages. The Babes hate that and they prefer jail instead and the KSK handcuff them for real. Buffon gives Webby her goodbyes as the heels kiss Webby one more time before the officers force them out of the mansion. Dewey offers Webby to play in the living room with Tootsie and Webby is giddy as they run towards the closed door in the living room allowing Mrs. Beakly to panic as she runs in trying to stop the chaos; but no dice. Scrooge proclaims that everything is back to normal. Too bad that Moneybin is falling one and a half inches on repairs to the house. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BONK! OUCH! Ummmm....Circle fade out to end the episode at 21:13. Started off horrible; but the remaining 11 minutes was awesome; most so when the kids started playing gangsters. They did a better job than Baloo, Kit and Rebecca did in Bringing Down Babyface on the count that Webby twirled Buffon's pistol! What more can you want? Well; Webby not sobbing like a baby would be a good start and less logic breaks. **** 1/4 (85%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Finally; we got a great episode in the late 1989 Ducktales episodes! I'm not surprised that this episode was great because the whole concept of the Beagle Babes was entertaining and having Webby kidnapped was something to behold. However; it didn't start off that way as they had to create a contrived, forced way to get her to be kidnapped. Plus; they used a flimsy excuse for Webby to ditch her family because they were too busy; even though they were not busy enough to take her to the museum. It was so forced that it was basically an excuse for Webby to be in the building just so the Babes would kidnap her. Then the early scenes with Webby and the Beagle Babes were horrible in Webby sobbing like a baby; rendering her into a complete wuss. She basically played into the example of “writers not liking her but BS&P is an ass” section of this episode. And then after the ten minute mark when Webby did the Cinderella story; it all changed and the spots were fun and everything clicked as the Beagle Babes became cool heels. Webby's speech to make the Beagle Babe's give back all the toys was awesome because she wasn't angry at all; she wasn't stern. She basically told the truth and even the Beagle Babes couldn't help but cry. It was one of the most effective moments in Webby's career. The climax and finish was also great for a change because the kids as mobsters was great and in some respect better than Bringing Down Babyface. I mean Webby handled a real gun (and made Dewey look like a wuss with the water pistol; but BS&P RULEZ~!) and the ending makes total sense and the Keystone Kops of Doom did an all right job. A few breaks in logic dampened the proceedings; and some of the animation looked like standard Wang issue, but the crap was kept down to mostly in the first act. Still; this episode should have been a ***** episode; but the writers screwed it up by having the setup being crappy. Enough so that it would kill the interest in seeing the rest of it which was awesome. Again; very bad writing. Next up is My Mother The Psychic and Metal Attraction as we bring Fenton back into play. Hopefully; Fenton has learned his lesson in time out and will not suck like Drake Mallard on a really awful day. So.....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.