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The Unbreakable Bin
Which Is Like Saying That The Titantic Is Unsinkable...
Well kiddies; it's time to see the final stand for Magica Despell as she attempts to break into Scrooge's Money Bin probably as one last stab to gain Scrooge's McGruffin; aka his number one dime. So does she succeed; or does Scrooge have a trick up his sleeves?! So let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written and story edited by Alan Burnett. The story was originally written by Carl Barks as The Unsafe Safe in the comics.
We begin this one at the Money Bin AFTER HAPPY HOUR as there is only a spotlight in front of the entrance and it's generally spooky and then we head inside as Scrooge is doing accounting in his office. Wow the animation style here looks like something out of the comics. Scrooge blows the bank off for being off by a penny. Did I just stumble into a Ducktales remake or something? Anyhow; Scrooge hears snickering and goes to the window. I should point out that the style does not extend to the characters as we see the same Beagle Boys in the bushes which they did in Yuppy Ducks and it was such an epic failure. Scrooge then turns around and panics because the same Beagle Boy design pops from the vents and doors surrounding Scrooge. This has to be an obvious dream because in real life; even the nephews could stop these Beagle Boys. Scrooge bails while cutting his usual promo about infestations and he runs into the styled hallways looking for the vault and dodging Beagle Boys, which is downright dumb since the vault is next to the office Scrooge was in. Yeap; clearly a dream because even Alan Burnett would not have written such BS. Yes; the vault is in the hallway as Scrooge gets to the door and defends it with his life. The BB's stalk Scrooge complete with purple light as Scrooge foolishly opens the vault door and tries to get inside the slam it shut behind him; but the BB grabs the door and we have a tug of war which Scrooge wins while struggling mightly. Scrooge breathes a sigh of relief; but hears more laughter as the BB rise from the money; grab Scrooge's legs and try to pull him under. Scrooge screams and struggles and we end the dream with Scrooge in his bedroom struggling after a very bad dream. One question: What the hell is with the heavy metal song in the background? Anyhow; the nephews run in (with pjs on) and jump on the bed as Scrooge has another nightmare. Scrooge finally wakes up and this was the worst one yet. And then he panics and jumps out of bed and puts his top hat and grabs his cane because he's going to inspect the bin. Yeah; he's lost it now.
So we head to the Money Bin in the morning as we see Gizmo Duck driving around the front of the bin as Scrooge's limo pulls up and Scrooge gets out and sounds rather relieved. Gizmo claims that not even a flea could get inside the bin; and then we hear construction noises inside as Scrooge and Gizmo run inside and we go into the workshop and it's...Gyro? Building something inside Scrooge's workshop? Scrooge notices him and Gizmo let him in carte blanche as Scrooge is not happy to hear that. Gyro claims that he has something for Scrooge that will make him happy. See; Scrooge complained to Gyro yesterday about his scratched glasses and he has invention glass made from a substance called Protecto Glass. Is Gyro the PR guy for Juilth Reisman; the one who pulled out the name "ErotoToxins" from whole cloth when discussing about pornography. See; this glass cannot be dented in any manner as Scrooge gives the glasses to Gizmo Duck to "do his worst with". Gizmo Duck brings out his Go-Go-Gadget Diamond Drill. Because in real life; diamonds can cut through anything. Gizmo Duck tries to drill the glasses and there is absolutely no dice given as the diamond drill is screwed literally and he caused more blue sparks then in a fourth of July celebration. HA! Gyro claims that it's virtually indestructible which means "he hasn't found anything yet to break through and thus it's still possible that it can break." Gizmo Duck claims that this is great for football players who wear glasses because it frees them to get their asses kicked on the field. HAHA! Scrooge is not amused by that because he looks at the glasses and realizes his one big dream...
And for that we segue to the Money Bin being completely entombed in Protecto Glass. Gyro has a bunch of long grabbers as the nephews and Scrooge love this new dome since it's shiner than a new penny. Why is Fenton here? It's not like it makes any difference if it's Gizmo Duck there; and it only implies that Gizmo Duck's cover is blown. Anyhow; we hear noises and here come the "real" Beagle Boys. It's the usual idiots: Big Time, Baggy and Burger with digging objects. Here's the obvious problem with this: Dig underneath the domed glass and you get in easily. The only way this works is if the bottom has the Protecto glass. So I already see a scratch in the armor in this plan guys. They come in broad daylight as everyone is in shock as the nephews want the police and Fenton wants to call Gizmo Duck. Scrooge blows it off because he invited them here and everyone is shocked. Scrooge motions them to come over here and we head inside the office as we discover that the vault is the only thing covered in glass. Wait; so he just plated the bottom of the floor and walls with the glass? Okay; that makes more sense and it lops off the logic break. Almost forget: Burger remembers to taunt the kids and Fenton on the way into the bin. Scrooge gives them the ultimate deal: break through the glass and he'll hand out some of his MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. So in other words; they earn the money if they break through. Jeepers; you know the Beagle Boys are buried when they are given the chance to EARN it from Scrooge, willfully. Burger has the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT with him I should note and he will go first. Burger bashes the vault; and he does a really awesome oversell; but the fact that BS&P stepped in and made the sledgehammer miss his head on purpose negates the coolness somewhat. HAHA! Then we get Big Time and Baggy dressed in army gear magically OUT OF NOWHERE as they have decided to bring in the big guns now. Big Time blows off Burger as usual and then we cut to the FCC FRIENDLY shot of the Money Bin as explosions ring throughout the bin and then we head inside the office as the Beagle Boys are behind a desk and Big Time is throwing grenades at the vault. Still no go. They ransacked the office though as Big Time cannot believe he couldn't singe the glass. Scrooge does praise them for making it dusty though.
The Beagle Boys sulk as they are lead out of the office as Big Time proclaims that any chance of getting Scrooge's money is gone for good. Scrooge doesn't give a damn anyway; like he already does. Scrooge runs to the vault as he wants to take the vacation he has been planning for 40 years or so and the nephews will get to see the world as the nephews are happy. Okay; there is one problem with that: Whomever wrote this episode has NEVER watched Ducktales because the nephews have been around the world in almost 80% of these episodes anyway. Most recently in the island of the ancient thinkers in the worst episode in DTVA before 1992. A minor error; but pretty annoying after watching nearly 90 episodes or so of this series. The nephews leave as Fenton cleans the glass and proclaims that Protecto Glass is going to make his life easy as Scrooge calls it too easy. UH OH! Gizmo Duck should be worried about his job now. So we head outside the bin as Gizmo Duck is guarding it with enough missiles to take out Shere Khan's air force. No, not really; but he would have a good chance. Then we get Gizmo Duck pacing around (ala Ducks of Nature) with a golden chainsaw and then a blunderbuss while wearing a goofy captain's suit on and red cape. HAHA! Sure; it makes no sense, but it's more hilarious and creative than a space alien. And then the old Rambo outfit; and then the Go-Go-Gadget defensive system which of course includes the dreaded SHUNK OF DEATH. So a bird furry wearing postal gear walks in and informs Gizmo Duck that there is a telegram from Scrooge McDuck. UH OH! I think we know where this is going.
Gizmo Duck loves telegrams; mostly singing telegrams. Sadly; this is a regular telegram; but Gizmo Duck is gleefully wanting a singing telegram. This spot would be lifted for On A Wing & A Bear and knowing the ending to that episode; I would NOT be asking for singing telegrams Fenton Crackshell. Ask Don Karnage about it. Yeah; I know he doesn't exist until next year. Gizmo Duck gets on his knees and prays for one and the telegram bird decides to do it as he blows his whistle and prepares to sing that Gizmo Duck is fired. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I call that two minutes before it happened. Gizmo Duck sees the telegram and is shocked as the bird wants a $10 music surcharge. HAHA! Gizmo Duck cannot believe this as we head to Scrooge's bedroom as Scrooge is packing his bags as Gizmo Duck wheels asking why and Scrooge gleefully explains why. Oh; and Gizmo Duck can still be his accountant albeit as Fenton Crackshell. So yeah; I don't know why he wants the second paycheck because they thought it was better to make light of the fact that they still live in a trailer. So there you go as Scrooge basically tells him to find another second job and walks down the stairs because he has a boat to catch. And no Chris; it's not the "Loveboat". Gizmo Duck blows him off and proclaims that the job offers should be going up the roof now since he's available and it's time to be Gizmo...and then he slips and tumbles down the stairs in a comedic manner. HAHA! So we head to the docks as Scrooge and the nephews board an ocean cruise and Scrooge of course is a cheapskate because he brought his own food. Somethings never change as the crowd waves to the ocean liner and we set sail.
So now we head to a building as some denizens of Duckberg are looking on inside an office as Gizmo Duck explains his resume to a female office worker in a suit with brown hair and glasses on. We discover that she is the head of a job bank as she goes to her computer claiming that he is clearly overqualified; and that there are no job openings in Duckberg needing a security guard. Gizmo Duck asks about it and there are several furries behind him in security outfits explaining that it's because of Gyro's Protecto Glass since the city caught wind of Gyro's invention and they are putting it up faster than a ten second clip of them showing the glass being put up. HAHA! Gizmo Duck is so screwed up and wonders what he can do. So we head to a beach as Scrooge and the nephews are enjoying life on the beach in front of a straw hut. The nephews are in their bathing suits (which is funny considering that they don't usually wears pants at any other time) shining a surf board as Scrooge is reading the travel brochures and he wants to do an overnight safari since it's cheaper to do one at night of course. And more dangerous; but that's fine since danger is the nephews' middle name in A Ducktales Valentine right?! So a Hawaiian girl in Hawaiian gear comes in asking Scrooge if he wants any refreshments. Scrooge orders one soda with three straws for the kids and Dewey asks for a large one since they are thirsty. So Scrooge changes it to three small sodas with straws. Which equals one large; so he is being a bit more generous as the nephews notice that. Scrooge is fully relaxed as he crosses his leg proclaiming that it would take magic to break through; and then finally after ten and a half minutes of quality buildup; we finally see inside Magica's hideout; Magica Despell is looking on and mocking Scrooge because she has a Krackpotkin Plan; and she'll break through. She laughs as we zoom out to a shot of outside Mount Vasuvius and that ends the segment almost 11 minutes in. Very good episode thus far. I should note that BS&P has fully stepped in because all the shots with Magica in the hideout do not show the floor; or when they do; they show it away from the middle of the main room; which means that we never get to see the pentagram in any context. I should note that Ducktales is not the only kids show with pentagrams; in fact another duck show was going on around this time and had the pentagram shown in the opening of every episode of that show. It was produced by BBC and done by Lapis Azul in Spain. It's...Count Duckula; a pretty groundbreaking show in it's own right; when one of the best ending credit sequence ever.
After the commercial break; we head into the jungle with Scrooge and the nephews wearing safari hats . The guide is a dogperson in complete safari gear with the Mickey Mouse gloves. The guide makes the worst jungle jokes ever in a cartoon and it's clearly intentional because Scrooge blows him off for it. The nephews wants to see danger and animals which is ironic considering that the nephews are half duck. So the guide claims that they are looking at one; just ask her girlfriend as he howls at the sun and stamps his foot again and again like Thumper from Bambi. HAHA! Scrooge is clearly not amused at this Disney Classic spot. The nephews aren't either as they look to their left and they notice a native village with wooden cages and kids running around. The guide claims that they are in downtown Quackerkneeka. Oy vey. The guide claims that the only thing of note happening here is the Bamboo Convention. Scrooge notices a straw hut with pink feathers on the top of the door and he enjoys them as the nephews claim that Scrooge has changed because he's not thinking about business. That would have worked better; if he didn't take an economy class cruise; or he decided to buy the nephews three large sodas with straws. So I think he's still thinking about business; just not as often as he used to. Thankfully; Scrooge strokes a feather and asks about a price to fetch for and the nephews are not amused. HAHA! Told you so you clueless nephews. The guide claims that the feathers come from their national bird which is the Quackerquackakneeka. Oh lord help us all; these duck puns are killing me at this point. He also does this wobble salute which did not help any composure at all. Anyway; Scrooge wants him to show him one and the guide does another joke which doesn't catch and Scrooge is not amused.
So we head back to the streets of Duckberg as a lady dogsperson and a kid wearing a purple shirt who is his mother was walking on the sidewalk and the kid points to Gizmo Duck in the middle of the street playing traffic cop. The kid wants to ask why he's doing that and the lady claims that this is all he can do at this point since crime apparently is way down due to the Protecto Glass. The kid call this pathetic and Gizmo Duck groans and cuts another sulking promo to amuse me. Only Gizmo Duck could turn into a traffic light which uses auto racing flags (minus the yellow and checkered flags of course). Gizmo Duck resumes his job claiming that being a beacon for the city is it's own reward as he gets the annoying whirlwind spot from a green mack truck who is driving by a pig furry who blows him off. What a fat bastard this pig furry truck driver fellow is? So we cut to the skies with Magica Despell coming in and I am mad now because she's flying a broom. Seriously; I don't ever recall her flying one in the series, although it's been a long time since I ranted on a Magica Despell episode; so what do I know? She does her evil "I'll beat Scrooge" promo and then is forced to stop right in front of Gizmo Duck because she's at a red light. Even though she is a heel. Gizmo Duck questions the registering of her broom and she blows him off for stopping for no reason whatsoever. Gizmo Duck claims that a female cat and a bunch of kittens are crossing the street. Wonder if one of them is Oliver? Magica is pissed off; but they cross without incident and the flags turn green for her. Magica bowls Gizmo Duck over and drives off like a motorcycle. Why didn't the writers just MAKE it into a flying motorcycle? That would have been cool. Gizmo Duck proclaims that this will not be a large part of his resume. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.
So we see Magica fly to the Money Bin and apparently; we break logic again since the whole bin is now plated with glass. Okay; then how does Scrooge and everyone else get in? Anyhow; Magica drops off and inspects the glass plated door; and then goes to her thunder wand and tries to zap the glass; but nothing happens. So she ups the voltage and tries again; only she succeeds in burning those trees in front of the door which I don't recall being there in the first shot. Her hair gets messed up of course and now she's mad. So she decides to go the full limit as she goes to her purse and drags out a gray cauldron (with a demon face on it) and a table of magic potions. Yes; her purse now has apparently been made from the skin of Eleroo. So she mixes up some potions into the cauldron and creates a column of black clouds that are basically a giant flaming laser. Funny how Magica tells it to hit it harder despite the first one not even coming close to making contact with the bin. So the heat ray blasts in a really neat visual sequence and we go to the zoom out shot of Duckberg as it's only an excuse to put in a explosion of boulders as a segue to returning to Magica sitting on the ground coughing and we have shiny lights as this doesn't even come close to working at all. Magica scratches the glass and proclaims that she'll find a way to break the glass if it's the last thing she ever does and she uses her elbow to pound on the glass; but then sells an injury by grabbing her foot. Huh? Explain THAT one kids! If that was BS&P again; that is one of the dumbest spots ever. Magica hops away and we cut back to the jungle and judging by the shot this is the exact same shot as we saw in the last commercial break. I wondered why Wang Films became persona non grata for DTVA and these recycled shots are evidence #1.
So Scrooge is talking to the guide as he wants to know when they will see a Quackerquackakneeka; and then accuses him of making another joke. The guide walks for a bit and then stops and whisper yells because we cut to a tree and there is that bird in the flesh. It also has purple feathers too as the nephews whisper yell and of course the bird doesn't suspect a thing. The guide warns them not to startle it; or it might sing. Scrooge is not impressed and neither am I. So it sings like Teddy Ruxpin; so what? I have heard Luigi Vendetta and that telegram bird sing well; so what is this guide's problem? Jealousy much there sir? Scrooge steps back and the conveniently placed branch on the ground snaps until Scrooge's foot and the bird is startled. And it sings of course and it sings with an ear-piercing scream that Scrooge's glasses shatter right on cue. UH OH! The nephews help Scrooge sit down and realize that Protecto Glass has a weakness and Scrooge agrees. Scrooge proclaims that there is only one way to save his Money Bin now and that is to make sure the birds never leave the island and no one knows about them. The problem with this is that Magica decided to spy on Scrooge and hears all of it from her hideout via the crystal ball. HA! Magica proclaims that Scrooge cannot keep a secret from her and laughs as we zoom out and never see the middle of the room again as the segment ends sixteen minutes in. I am digging this episode in spite of the flaws.
After the commercial break; we head back to the village as the natives are buying ear muffs and birds and placing all the Quackerquackneekas into a cage. Louie asks what he is going to do with them and the birds sqwack and Scrooge covers his ears and proclaims that he is buying ear plugs. Okay; so we head into the jungle swamp as we see Magica rowing in the river on a canoe yelling stroke. Something tells me that she is getting one in the brain too judging by her selling. So she complains and then goes into her pouch and brings out a purple vase and pours magic dust on it as it creates a mini-tornado on the back and now she has a magical motor canoe which is pretty cool. The spell is called the "Whisper In The Wind" spell. So that where Jeff Hardy got the name for that spinning top rope move he did in the WWE. That's good to know. So we cut back to Scrooge at the village at the box as the nephews run in to inform Scrooge that the natives have caught all the birds. So Scrooge inspects the cage and they scream in Scrooge's face as Scrooge know wants a sound proof room from Gyro. The nephews hear something coming from the river and here comes Magica Despell in her magical motor canoe. Sadly; the Whisper In The Wind spell has no brakes and she goes ashore; crashes into a hut and then flies out and tackles Scrooge down. This was very lame by the way. Kit Cloudkicker's version of this was a lot better. Scrooge blows off Magica; Magica invokes the PINK SLEEPING EYE BOBBER OF DEATH on Scrooge and the nephews to stun them. So BS&P has no problems with magic assaults on kids. So Magica goes to the cage with the screaming birds and zaps them all with the stun spell.
We then segue to Magica lining up the birds in a row and they are now like a bird chariot as she flicks the ropes and we fly up into the air complete with Ride of the Valkyrie stock music. Well; that was totally out of place. Magica brushes against a palm tree and a coconut falls and bonks Scrooge on the head. Scrooge wakes up and notices a feather dropping and then wakes up the nephews by shaking them. The babyfaces run through the jungle stage left and then we head to a construction site as there are men at work and we hear a sound and one of the Dumptruck sounding workers notice that the lunch wagon is here and it's Gizmo Duck wheeling in honking. HA! He's the lunch on wheels as he is flipping burgers too. Yeah; he is really dropping on the dignity scale now. Sadly; his coffee maker is on the fritz as the cup is backwards and the coffee spills on his ass forcing Gizmo to wheel around trying to put the heat out. HAHA! Gizmo Duck jumps into a mud/water puddle and let's his ass cool. Heh. Gizmo proclaims that he's glad he didn't decaffinate himself. HAHA! So we see Scrooge and the nephews in the streets with Gyro driving a NASA rocket car. Seriously. I'm sorry; but the VANILLA MANILLA UFO OF DEATH from Micro Ducks From Outer Space was much cooler (Gyro: Really Mr. Weagle? I thought you were breaking from the script there for a second.). Anyhow; Scrooge is now regretting firing Gizmo Duck and Louie notices him coming out of the mud puddle throwing a dirty something from his suit. He's not amused of it either. Scrooge pleads for him to come back as he informs Gizmo that Magica is attacking the Money Bin. Gizmo Duck agrees to it; but on the condition of a raise and being back on the payroll. Scrooge doesn't mind the later; the former not so much. Then the construction workers get pissed off and start blitzing Gizmo Duck so Gizmo bails stage right.
So we cut to the Money Bin as Magica lands on the roof of the bin. Magica get off; grabs a bird and unstuns it with her magic. Magica demands that the bird sing it's little head off and the bird checks his wings and no sells all. Magica taps her foot in disgust and then plucks a feather from the bird and the bird finally sells it and tries to scream; but here comes Gizmo Duck in Go-Go-Gadget Copter mode to grab Magica and the bird as it screams away from the bin. Oh; so you still need it to be directly at the bin. Okay; works fine with me. Magica protests this outrage and bashes Gizmo with her purse and Gizmo no sells and blows her off. We land in a meadow about five miles away from the bin and proclaims that he will take her bird away if you don't mind. Okay; that line completely cracks me up and for all the wrong reasons I might add. So Gyro drives in with his NASA hover car as the babyfaces all run in to praise Gizmo Duck. Of course this is the telegraph for Magica to back up and bring out the vase containing the Whisper In The Wind spell as she proclaims that she'll blow Scrooge and his tin man back to Oz. The babyfaces panic and so does the bird as it starts to scream again breaking the vase causing a tornado to engulf Magica and blow her away straight to Kaboom hell. And yes; I wrote all that before she did it actually. Scrooge proclaims that she always knew how to make an exit. Sadly in this series; that would be her final one and without even getting the bird to break the glass. How sad.
So we cut to a shot of the bird on a perch as Gyro puts a brown sock on the bird and Gizmo Duck opens the cage and puts it in as the last one. So there are only a half dozen birds on that island. Scrooge proclaims that they can get the birds back on the island before anyone finds out. So the nephews come in with an egg and claims that one of the Quackerquackneekas laid it. UH OH! Something tells me Scrooge didn't think this plan all the way through. So the egg hatches, the bird is so damn cute and the nephews are in awe. The nephews want to keep him (You're going with that tact nephews? After what those birds did with his glasses?) and Scrooge ponders it over (Oh lord Scroogie; just now?) and asks what harm it can do. Then the baby bird sings and then screams and the Protecto Glass shatters right on cue. Okay; this was a really dumb ending. I would have gone with Magica succeeding in creating a crack in the glass and then getting carried out by Gizmo; and then have Scrooge be cocky and shatter the glass by placing his cane into the crack. That would be an ironic finish. This is a "nephews are dumb" finish as all of Duckberg's glass is shattered as well. Go figure. Gyro cannot believe it (because he is going to face lawsuits up his ass now for a defective product now) as Scrooge sulks away. Gizmo Duck goes over to console him because he still has Gizmo Duck; his security robot to protect his investment and a roof buffer as his wheels turn into a buffing machine and he buffs out. Scrooge blows off the baby bird and he does a sheepish grin to end the episode at 21:12. What a sad way for Magica to go into Kaboom; beaten by her own magic because of a bird. Very good episode; but that finish was pretty dumb. **** (80%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; Magica's last episode appearance was for the most part a good one. It was written well for the most part; and the Gizmo Duck segments were pretty funny as usual. Magica was great as well; although thanks to BS&P they neutered her pentagrams by putting her table near the wall of the hideout which annoyed me a bit. There were a few spots that made no sense and seemed random; but the story was otherwise funny and well written. The real problem with this episode as a whole was the finish in that they made the nephews look dumb again as the ending. I would have had Magica succeed in managing to crack the glass with the bird before Gizmo Duck grabbed her and then have it end with Scrooge being cocky and unintentionally shattering the glass by whacking it with his cane. It would have been an ironic ending in two ways: Scrooge's own cockiness broke it and it would have been the same finish that Magica suffered. I still feel Magica was the best heel in this show; but the writers simply didn't care about her and they buried her in the end. Hopefully; the Kaboom comic era did a better job with her. So now we have two more episodes left in the pre-Disney Afternoon era of Ducktales: The Masked Mallard in which Scrooge becomes a crime fighter and Attack Of The 50 Foot Webby which will probably be the final dreadful episode of this series. At least I hope that is the case. So.....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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