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Attack Of The Fifty Foot Webby
Reviewed: 03/03/2012
More Like The Attack Of The Five Foot Webby Haters!
Well kiddies; it's time to rant on another Webby focused episode and this one is a doozy to say the least. I should point out that this might as well be the template for The Incredible Shrinking Molly too since it uses a similar plot line plus uses a similar Z Grade movie title name parody. I have not heard good things about this episode in general and I think I know where to start. So can this episode not suck much?! Let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written and story edited by Alan Burnett. The story is done by Alan Burnett and Mark Seidenberg.
We begin this one with a far shot of the mansion and this time we see the kids in the shot near some trees on the property as we are going to play hide and seek. And Bubba is "it" in this case which is like screwing yourself if you are the hider; only it's not intentional. The nephews hide in the tree thinking Bubba is too stupid to find them. Wrong nephews; since Bubba counts to four basically; then sniffs the ground like Scooby Doo and easily finds them up the tree and peaks through the leaves. Why should we be surprised? So we get the ultra contrived scene changer of doom as the nephews climb down and talk about taking more baths and Bubba's bloodhound skills. Wang Films' decisions in animation makes me annoyed sometimes. Then we hear Webby's voice sneezing as the nephew lift up the conveniently placed wheel barrow and Webby is shown as Bubba calls her Webba. Wait; so Webwa Walters is her real mother?! Mrs. Beakly has some explaining to do! Or not. And then we start flushing the episode down the crapper as Webby gets mad because she was hiding all morning hoping they were looking for her. Now the problem with this is: There was no indication that the nephews wanted to play with her. Yes; it's the contrived and sexist: Boys refuse to play with girls plot line because she's too little to them. This works a lot better with Molly Cunningham because she's legit small and she's smaller than Kit is. Even funnier; in the Incredible Shrinking Molly; Kit's the only one who notices her in anyway. Webby's about the size of the nephews and she whines about no one paying attention to her; and she even jumps and stomps her tender webfeet. Oy vey Webby. Louie claims that it's not true and then we really jackhammer the point of this episode home as Duckworth comes in with a platter of four drinks for the boys; none of it for Webby. This is the same Alan Burnett who wrote the "Home is Where The Heart Is" segment that Disney cut in Plunder and Lightning for Pete sakes. And Webby complains and Duckworth admits that he didn't notice her causing Webby to act like a spoiled brat. I wonder if this episode was written just to screw with BS&P wanting a female nephew which they didn't want? And then we head to the window where Scrooge calls the lads and Bubba to come inside and they run in as Webby blows off Scrooge for ignoring her. Umm; they aren't really ignoring you Webby; they have been ordered by the writers to ignore you because the writers freakin hate your stinkin guts. Which is a sad commentary in and around itself. This makes me love Libby Hinson A LOT more now; as if I didn't love her writing to begin with. Well; her writing in TaleSpin anyway.
So we head inside Scrooge's office as Scrooge is showing a newspaper to the kids stating that someone has found the long lost long tailed gorilla in Africa. If you look at the closeup shot of the picture; there is an orange background which makes little sense and the "gorilla" is clearly a monkey who looks similar to one as Rhinokey; only not fused into a rhino if you catch my drift. So yeah; our writers have drank the CDS liquid today. See Scrooge wants to capture it and make it part of his latest enterprise which is a drive thru safari which is clearly shown in the painting behind him. Well; this isn't the dumbest idea I have ever seen; so okay. And Scrooge calls it an ape which is completely different from a gorilla or a monkey. Scrooge also has a secret weapon to catch said monkey: Bubba's beak nose. Okay; that at least makes sense and it makes Bubba useful and not the useless slug in Yuppy Ducks. The nephews want to go claiming that they know about monkeying around. Oh lord; that is an image I really don't need to see kids. Scrooge agrees to it without any second thoughts as Webby butts in and Scrooge is surprised to see her which Webby blows off as the story of her life. Normally; I would love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments; but this real comment is really sad and frustrating considering what Webby could have become if Libby Hinson wrote the episodes instead. Scrooge pets her on the head and tells her that it's too dangerous; just to piss in Webby's drink even more. Webby pleads; but Scrooge ignores her and the males all walk out as Webby is mad and hates being little. If she means little as in "her heat, creditability and standing with the writers" she's 100% correct. If she means her size; she's an idiot since she's the same size and age as the nephews. Webby decides to use the old "nephew sneak aboard" trick to get her way and she stomps out.
So we head to a circus and zoom into the white trailer in front of it; then head into the trailer as we see a dogsperson at the desk wearing a red suit and black bowtie with a white top hat. He also has brown hair and a B-level black porn mustache to boot. We discover that there is an old man, a bearded mustache lady in a green dress, a dogsperson who is dressed half man, half woman (think Roddy Piper at Wrestlemania VI; only sexism instead of racism), a clown who is a midget and a lion who talks. Ummm; yeah, sure. The guise of all this is their checks are bouncing and they want their money. The guy at the desk is addressed as Happy Jack (the late Howard Morris) and it's ironic because he's not happy of all this. See; he has a multitude of expenses and needs a couple more weeks to get that money to them. He tosses a peanut and a peanut metaphor to force the point. See how easy it is to write Seymour properly guys? It's not rocket science. The performers blow him off and quit on the spot; walking off. Happy Jack is not happy at all of this happening and needs a brand new attraction to get back in the good graces of the customers. He reads the conveniently placed newspaper and notices that Scrooge is going ape for an ape as he walks out of the trailer and he claims that the long tailed "gorilla" is his meal ticket in. However; since his performers have quit; he needs some new muscle to beat Scrooge to the punch. Umm; you'll be lucky if you beat him to the cane at this point. And then here come the Beagle Boys without any disguises whatsoever; and with a yellow balloon. Burger wants popcorn; and really who doesn't at this point? It's BT-BG-BY (Big Time-Bouncer-Burger-Baggy) combination again in case you need to know; as Happy Jack informs them that this is the closed kind.
Jack has a proposition for them to get the circus open just in time for Baggy to have his birthday at a cultural event; and it involves a "monkey" and Scrooge. Big Time asks for the spoils and Jack states that it's pocket change and an unlimited supply of cotton candy. Big Time ponders this over; but Burger uses the hips to butt in and accepts the deal without a second thought. HA! He claps his hands as Burger is not amused. So we head to just outside the jungle near the airport as we cut to Scrooge with the map as the "gorilla" was spotted somewhere and we see the nephews walk out with backpacks and safari gear. Webby is hiding under a pink blanket on a cart as the kids think this is spooky. Speaking of spooky; the males all teleport on the next shot in the background inside the jungle already. Webby runs after them with her backpack claiming that this is what she wanted to hear. So we scene change to deep into the jungle as Bubba tries to find the scent as the other male babyfaces watch on. Scrooge thinks Bubba will find the scent any second now; but Bubba comes back with a bone in his mouth. I'm sorry; but that is not near as funny as Mad Dog bringing the kitchen sink to Don Karnage. Scrooge kicks the bone away into the foreground (!!) and blows off Bubba. Bubba gets back to work as the nephews are not happy to be here because anything can happen. As one of the nephews is talking we cut to Webby who is hiding behind the bushes and a dragonfly comes up from behind buzzing. Webby turns around; screams and does a full sprint right into Scrooge's arms. Memo to writers: Couldn't you at least make the thing a little more threatening; like say a giant ass bee or something. I mean; at least swallow your pride and accept the fact that when you write for the expanded audience; many of them are females. They would take great offense if the female characters look really crappy and do coward things like running from a dragonfly. Or maybe even the long tailed- gorilla; which at least would advance the plot.
Webby's description of the dragonfly is so hilariously bad and since the writers intentionally hate Webby; even the nephews blow off seems justified. Scrooge blows off Webby because he told her not to come. Then in one of the most obvious moments where the writers clearly intend to bury Webby; she claims that she brought in her backpack: The Quacky Patch doll, extra hair ribbons and a canteen of cocoa. Yeah; turn her into Shellsea, that's real smart. Without the disco jackhammer; Webby is basically a bad female stereotype. Webby of course claims that they will never know she is around; which is good since no one cares about her. Scrooge and the nephews are not amused by her asshole attitude. Seriously; she sounds like a dick here as we cut to Bubba who at least knows how to ignore Webby properly in this episode and does the dog point spot as Dewey points out that Bubba has found the scent. So the babyfaces all follow Bubba as Scrooge tells Webby to stay close. We get a binocular shot as we cut to a cliff with the heels and Happy Jack (who sounds like Bobo from 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo I should note) wearing Guy LaDouce outfits. If you don't know who Guy LaDouce is; consider yourself lucky. We get some dramatic heel music as they walk off and we pan up to see a pair of eyes which indicates that this is either a gorilla or a lion. I'm pointing to the later in this case. So we head to ground level with Bubba sniffing the ground like a bloodhound and he picks up a banana peel from the banana peel pile. The nephews are glad he's gone and hope he is full by the time they see him. Scrooge wants to bring the nets out and does as Webby questions trapping it. Apparently; she thinks that asking it politely will be a better bet. So anti-vivisectionist of you Webby. If you want a good reason to ignore her; that statement would be a mighty fine start. So we cut to Happy Jack; whose safari outfit has changed color tone since we last saw him. He has a Krackpotkin Plan in mind as we pan east to the Beagle Boys dressed up as gorillas. Yes; gorillas with yellow gloves and crime number tags on their chests.
So we go to the sky shot as Scrooge and the nephews are bringing out stuff from their backpacks to set the trap. Huey thinks he hears something and out come the Beagle Gorillas acting so badly that if these kids and Scrooge fall for it; then Airhead Syndrome is at an all time high. As in "number of drugs needed to enjoy this angle". And yes they fall for it as Huey takes out the camera and wants them to say banana and invokes the XENON FLASH OF DEATH on them to stun them and then the ducks bail in various directions. So we see one of the Beagle Gorillas chase Webby and Webby calls him a big baboon. You wish you were Sally from the Peanuts Webby. Webby then falls into the river; and the animators do a really crappy job as Webby's waist can clearly be seen below the water as if the water did not exist. It's like she's almost walking on water despite doing wading motions. That is just terrible animation there by Wang Films. Her selling isn't much better as she goes down the waterfall which would have been cooler with better animation; but negated anyway as the long tailed "gorilla" arrives to grab Webby and swings like Tarzan. Irony! Or maybe not. The LT"G" lands on a branch and sniffs Webby's ribbon as Webby does the "nice kitty" promo that almost never works out well. Thankfully for her; the LT"G" is friendly and uses the long tail to grab some peach rose like flowers on a tree and give them to Webby. Webby deduces that this is the long tailed "gorilla" as the LT"G" giggles and grunts. Webby claims that Scrooge is looking for him; so now they have to look for Scrooge now. Judging by the LT"G" looks; he looked similar to that monkey who played ping pong in Ducky Horror Picture Show.
So we cut to Scrooge and the male kids panting at a rock as Huey proclaims that they never thought they would get those monkeys off their backs. Again; the writers have no clue the difference between a monkey and a gorilla; even if the gorillas were just dressed up Beagle Boys. Scrooge wants to know where Webby is and Bubba thinks she has gone bye-bye. Boy the writers are sure projecting their hate for Webby into Bubba for this episode aren't they? Scrooge finally admits that they don't pay enough attention to her and Webby was right all along. Yeah; but we all know why you don't: Because the writers ordered you to and now they booked themselves into a corner now and have to end the marching orders to bury Webby. Scrooge wonders what horrors has Webby suffered...and we segue to on the tree where Webby is pouring cocoa to the LT"G". And Webby gives him her Quacky Patch doll and offers to let him rock it to sleep. And the LT"G" does exactly that while using it's tail to swing from the tree branch which is a cool spot. Webby then gets off the best line of the episode and thus proves that the writers DO know the difference and wanted to screw us critics all in the head by pointing out the tail makes him a monkey. Webby goes to a purple book and it's a clear picture book under the letter M as it's a monkey wearing a soda jerk outfit. Webby deduces that he's just a big ass monkey and wonders how he got so big. The monkey (yes the joke is dead; live with it) grabs her (and she loses her book and backpack in the process) and we swing on vines like Tarzan as Webby deduces that we are going to find out. So we scene change as the monkey and Webby are now walking together in the jungle as the jungle looks like something out of Super Mario Brothers 3 in terms of size (remember that giant level in the game). Webby sees a big ass butterfly and we get the first Quackeroonie of the episode almost ten minutes in. I think that's the first time I have heard that since I started ranting on the 1989 episodes.
Anyhow; the monkey pulls to the left some big ass blades of glass and we barely see a lake of hot molten blue liquid in sight as Webby deduces that this made the monkey big and the monkey nods in approval. And here come the Beagle Boys. I know this because Burger gets all giddy for the big ass banana. HAHA! Burger annoying GeoX is as amusing as Burger amusing me. Big Time is not amused; but Happy Jack doesn't care because he found his meal ticket and Webby screams out the obvious and we see the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE looped around the monkey. It was Bouncer as he thinks he's got him; but the monkey bails and takes Bouncer with him. Bouncer flies; takes a really good bump into Webby and Webby falls into the liquid which is animated a lot better than the waterfall spot. The heels chase after Bouncer stage left as Webby pops from the lake as it's the bubbles glowing blue instead of the lake which is clearish and normal. Webby coughs and starts to glow golden border aura. Now; this would be apporos for Webby to say "This adventure just ruined my dress" just to pay off the gag from Micro Ducks From Outer Space. She grows up to about 50 feet tall (hence the episode title) and takes a really good bump into the tree branch with her head. Ouch. I wonder how a concussion would affect a female's brain? The same as a male? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. Webby's voice sounds deeper for some reason as she talks about Mrs. Beakly talking about growth spurts and that ends the segment almost 11 minutes in. This isn't too bad all things considered. Sadly; this episode is about to get more annoying though.
After the commercial break; we cut to the jungle with the males calling for Webby. The gang notices tracks and Bubba sniffs out the scent. Bubba claims that it's big Buggas and sure enough some giant ass bugs come out which looks almost as similar as the beetles from For Whom The Bell Klangs. Scrooge and company's backs are against a big tree while Scrooge asks for some bug spray repellent. Then the whole jungle rumbles and the bugs bail as here comes Webby pushing trees down with her feet calling for Scrooge. The males are in shock as they ask how she got so big. Webby claims that it was something in the water and Scrooge asks what it was and Webby doesn't remember. Scrooge proclaims that he knew Webby would grow up too soon; but not like this. That sounds quite different with Kit Cloudkicker; who HAS grown up way too soon at just 12 years old. Anyhow; Scrooge wonders how to bring Webby home and get her back to normal size. So we head into the skies as a plane is flying as a rope is hooked around Webby's neck (!!!) as Webby is flying with parachutes attached to her limbs to balance her. Well; this is no worse than putting Hogzilla and using him as a platoon. Scrooge is on the transmitter informing Webby that she has clearance at Duckberg airport and Webby thanks him. Huey hopes the balloons don't pop; or Webby would swamp the entire 6th fleet. So we see the plane coming towards Duckberg and then head to in front of the mansion as Webby sits down on the ground. Scrooge and the nephews look on as Doctor Von Swine climbs a wooden ladder with a big ass tongue dispenser and tells her to...Wait a second? SCROOGE HIRED THAT OFFENSIVE DOCTOR?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU SCROOGIE?! Seriously; after what happened in Yuppy Ducks?
Von Swine checks those big pipes (hoping that Webby doesn't grunt too loud) and Scrooge asks for Webby's status. Von Swine claims that she has a future in professional wrestling. Oh lord; that is so bad even by this crack writing teams recently lowered standards. Yeah; let's put her in the most misogynist, sexist profession in history doctor; that'll get her over. Not even Andre The Giant is THAT big. Scrooge thankfully blows him off for that offensive crack as Scrooge asks about shrinking her and tells him to use his head. Von Swine ponders this over and we discover that he's not only a misogynist; he is also vainer than Drake Mallard; and not in a good way I might add as he looks in his pink handled mirror and admires himself. Geez Scroogie; what made you think that hiring this piece of crap was a great idea?! Von Swine slides down and he and Scrooge talk about his travels to Papa New Guinea Pig (Oh god; that is bad; on par with Amilea Airhead in terms of bad puns). See; he met up with a witch doctor who used a head shrinking potion to shrink stuff; but sadly he forgot the formula. Probably because he had to since it's the lowest form of quackery and woo imaginable. And the fact that he dropped some on his big toe; and it's now his little toe. In other words; he's lucky since he has a rabbit's foot. That's comedy. HA HA HA! Damn; I'm starting to write like this episode. That's horrifying. Even more horrifying is the nephews reading the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES THE KIDS EDITION~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...I mean the Junior Woodchuck Guide Book because apparently the recipe is in there. Oh lord; et tu Woodchuckie?! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Von Swine checks the book and he proclaims that this is it. A recipe to bring back Michael Jackson from the dead to entertain us. Oh wait; it's the shrinking potion. Funny how Ducktales uses magic spells while TaleSpin uses sci-fi technology for this plot device. Von Swine gets in a veil sexist crack on Webby (don't throw out those petite sizes.) and runs out to start work on the formula. Webby just sits there taking it.
So we head to the canon- WORRY ROOM OF DOOM as Scrooge paces around the statue waiting for Von Swine to call him. Duckworth opens the door and informs Scrooge that he has ordered Webby her dinner which is 300 Merry Meals from MacDuckalds. Oh god; that was lame in 1989 and it's even WORSE now in hindsight considering how much we know about MacDonald's business practices. Then we get stomping and earthquakes/EarthQuacks (same thing basically) outside as we discover that it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and Webby is skipping rope. HAHA! Scrooge blows her off and Webby apologizes for having fun. And now comes the really annoying part of this entire episode. Scrooge suggests that she play with the boys; but Webby claims that they refuse to play with her. Why is this so stupid? Because the nephews never actually outright say that they refuse to play with her, in fact they tried, but hide and seek doesn't work; the $ pool is drained and apparently Bubba and the soccer ball was MURDERED by Webby during the game. Geez Webby; they tried. And then comes the waterworks and if you thought Catch As Cash Can Part 2 was really annoying; her deeper voice actually makes this even MORE annoying; if that is anthromorphically possible. Thankfully; this only lasts about ten seconds; but man the "big girls don't cry" line from the nephews annoyed me too. Big girls do cry; usually when someone BULLIES them for being big and fat. Scrooge wants Webby to get some rest and maybe Von Swine will finally get that formula ready in time. Webby does make up for it somewhat by kissing Scrooge and Scrooge's oversell does help a lot. So we pan over and we see a giant ass tent as Webby is sleeping in a big ass bed (how that got made; I'll never know) as she is watching a Godzilla movie complete with purple lizard and missiles. Yeah; I think we all know where this episode is going now isn't it. I find it fitting that Webby is cheering for the purple lizard here.
So the movie goes to a commercial break as we head to a sponsor and here comes Happy Jack in the circus as we see a big ass wooden cage and there is the monkey in the cage as three Beagle Boys in ringmaster outfits walk in and whip the cage with hard rope whips. At least that is what they look like. The long tailed "gorilla" is now the eighth wonder of the world which insults me for some reason that I cannot put my finger on. So the monkey panics like crazy and Webby gasps in horror and calls him Mr. Fuzzy. Since WHEN did she call him that? She jumps out of bed proclaiming that he won't be caged for long and stomps out creating an earthquake and that ends the segment 15 and a half minutes in. Okay; this episode is actually getting better now; although the writers are trying their darnest to kill Webby's heat.
After the commercial break; we head to the worry room of doom as Scrooge circles around and now the animators are just screwing with our heads now as the hole has deepen into a anthro chasm so to speak. I always thought the dug hole was purely a style choice by Scrooge. In other words; this spot is a cartoon spot. Oh; and he's wearing his gray nightgown and hat as he cannot stand this waiting which is silly because he is walking around in a circle. Then the phone rings on the pillar and Scrooge answers it. Scrooge basically doesn't even bother to say hello to Doctor Von Swine and knows instantly that it's him. So we cut to his lab which is dark, dusty and run down; just like his comedy and medical career. He is grinding down most of the stuff for the formula and proclaims that he nearly has everything done; except for one ingredient: three hairs from a long tailed monkey. When even Doctor Von Swine knows what he is talking about; you know these writers are screwing us up in the head. Scrooge is mad and hangs up on him as the nephews and Bubba run in pjs informing Scrooge that Webba is gone. Scrooge is not happy to hear that wondering where a 50 foot lass would go. Louie does the Gruffi pose and proclaims that she goes anywhere she wants.
So now we head to Happy Jack's circus and pan and zoom into a box near the trailer as the Beagle Boys are snoring to my amusement. Well; Burger is at least. We see Webby behind the tent as she sneaks into the tent and notices Mr. Fuzzy in the cage. Mr. Fuzzy panics; so Webby has to inform him that it's only her; only bigger. She's here to free Fuzzy as we cut back to the trailer as Happy Jack and Big Time walk out and Big Time is not happy to see the Beagle Boys sleeping on the job. Happy Jack wakes up Burger by what was supposed to be a kick to the chest; but Wang Films screwed up it so bad that it looks like Burger got kicked in the balls. Seriously. Geez; this is the second time someone unintentionally got something in the groin (Kit unintentionally got tickled in the groin by Mad Dog in Polly Wants A Treasure; for the people who want to ask); and there is a 1/2* gained for that alone. Burger's selling is even more hilarious as Happy Jack wants them to wake up and Howard Morris sounds normal here for some reason. Big Time claims someone is inside the tent as we see Webby open the cage and the monkey runs out and panics as the heels come in and Happy Jack gets dollar signs in his eyes. Well; we haven't seen that spot in a long while; so I'm fine with it. The monkey runs out as Webby tries to follow it; but Happy Jack comes from the left side and has candy and a five year contract. So now Happy Jack has gone from sad heel in desperation to possible pedophile heel in desperation. That's not good. Thankfully; Webby no sells the deal and pushes him aside and runs out chasing the monkey back to Duckberg.
The tent gets destroyed of course as the heels pop from the carnage and Happy Jack wants the behemoth. Baggy gleefully answers that one for me as Happy Jack is not amused. Spoiled sport. Big Time asks how to get her back and Happy Jack proclaims that they will capture the monkey which is kind of dangerous considering that Webby is following it. So we head into the city as Webby stomps around and at least she is either smart enough not to do any damage; or the animators are too lazy to animate any damage anyway. Webby peeps through the smoke stacks; which cannot help her health one bit. She finds Mr. Fuzzy on top of a poster board licking a picture of a banana. Okay; that was a wee bit perverted there guys. Webby giggles as the denizens panic for the "monster" and bail as one of the pig boys (I believe it's the same one from The Bribe Wore Stripes) calls Webby Duckzilla. That makes no sense whatsoever since the whole scene is out of King Kong; so it should be Queen Kit...Oh wait; never mind. The police cars surround her and anyone who has watched enough King Kong movies should know what happens next. Monkey panics; climbs up with Webby climbing up trying to calm him down. So we scene change to the sidewalks as Bubba is sniffing around as Scrooge wonders if he should go downtown and file a missing giants report. Oh yeah; do so. The police have SUCH a sense of humor. NOT! Bubba sniffs the bus stop sign and on the street until he finally get to the sidewalk near the tallest building in Duckberg. Bubba points up and still calls her Webba as we pan way up and there is Webby on the top of the tower. And judging by the dollar sign on the top; this is the glass tower used in Yuppy Ducks. Which is the same episode that debuted Doctor Von Swine. Why doesn't that surprise me?
We cut to a police car as the police dog from Ducky Horror Picture Show (albeit with a different voice since Peter Cullen has moved to typecasting for Winnie The Pooh at this point) is on the transmitter and wants the army, air force and the Goose Gun. The WHAT?! What the hell is he talking about? Scrooge is deeply concerned and here comes the ambulance (Copyright alert: The red cross symbol is still there) as it's driven by Doctor Von Swine as he comes out and points to Scrooge that Webby has the long tailed monkey. You know what I said about Doctor Von Swine being smart here eh? The spotlights are on Webby and here comes the air force which are three Beagle Boys in World War 1 airplanes. The TaleSpin tribute has started a year early. The planes circle her and the monkey panics like crazy as Happy Jack opens his plane to reveal the butterfly nets: the deadliest weapons known to fairy godparents the world over. Webby dodges and now she is pissed. This episode is getting better actually as the helicopter zooms in and Scrooge is flying the helicopter and apologizes for it. Doctor Von Swine sees why as we discover that even Scrooge McDuck has a touch of fatalism in his bones. Ah; the joys of keeping Launchpad as your pilot. I'm guessing the writers didn't want to waste money on a one time appearance for Terrence. Scrooge flies in as Happy Jack tries the lasso of you know what; but the helicopter props cut that line off. Monkey gets some hair torn off his ass by Scrooge as Scrooge tells him that he needs the hair more than the monkey does. Scrooge puts the hair into the sack which sounds like glass when it hits; which is downright weird since hair generally doesn't sound like glass clinking.
Von Swine shakes the bag as Happy Jack orders the Beagle Boys to clip Scrooge's wings as they bring out the big ass shears and chase the helicopter. Webby gets the monkey to safety and yells that no one messes with her Uncle Scrooge and MURDERS the planes with her bare back hand. Now THAT is awesome. Screw the critics; this episode is no longer crappy. The planes fall into the harbor below and the heels are sort of fine hanging around the wrecked planes as Big Time proclaims that he is getting out of the damn monkey business. Then the top building part of the tower is about to come apart due to Webby's excessive weight that would make Hoppo hang her head in shame. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmmm... The helicopter gets into position and Von Swine throws the dust onto Webby's head and it shrinks; thus making her voice sounds squeakier than before. You just knew they had to pay off the headshrinker joke at some point. And it had to be Doctor Von Swine doing it too. Scrooge gleefully calls Von Swine a quack which would have been perfect if he were a duck to start out with. Von Swine speaks some German to annoy me as he forgot to add two pinches of bat wings instead of one. So he does that and sprinkles it all on Webby and the monkey as the tower unpops and Webby and the monkey freefall as both shrink to normal size and then Webby bounces off the canopy and the nephews are in almost perfect position to catch Webby on the way down and cradle her to safely land on the ground. Bubba grabs the monkey of course and the nephews welcome Webby back as Webby is happy. Sadly; we never find out what happened to the building top that unpopped. Damn.
So we cut to the monkey in the back of the jail truck as Webby asks does he has to stay in jail. Scrooge assures her that he will be free once he's in Africa again. Webby assures the monkey that she'll return when she gets bigger....ERRRR...gets older. We are back at the mansion by the way as Scrooge closes the door and the jail truck drives off as everyone waves goodbye to each other. The nephews go to Webby and since they have the whole day to play and they are not letting Webby out of their sight. At least until they lapse back into their "Webby is a tagalong" meme. The kids run stage left and that ends the episode at 21:12. The first 15 minutes or so just annoyed me as the writers kept burying Webby; but the last six minutes or so was very good and the finish was awesome and sweet for Webby as she overcame the burial. Good for her; even if Raw Toonage buries her completely. It helps when the Beagle Boys are around too. Solid story; annoying burial of Webby for 15 minutes or so. Call it ** 3/4 (55%). Trust me; this could have been a LOT worse.
THE REVIEW LINE
My goodness; that was a mixed bag of an episode and the writers almost killed off Webby's creditability as a character to boot. I realize that Webby is not a popular character with the writers; but the whole "Webby is too little to be noticable" is too contrived to be taken seriously since she's the same age and height as the nephews. I wonder if the original script was more on the lines of Feminine Air in that Webby couldn't go because she was a girl because that vibe makes a lot more sense that this. I'm guessing BS&P felt that having Webby as the victim was too much (for her age) compared to Rebecca and so they kept the little angle going and going for too long. My evidence for this theory comes from Doctor Von Swines' cracks on Webby being in professional wrestling (which is very sexist; most so the Attitude Era/ECW stuff). Doctor Von Swine was bad as usual; although he mellowed out a bit during the finish. The first 15 minutes or so was basically Webby annoying the hell out of me with her jackass attitude towards being mistreated. I originally thought the Webby crying scene was godawful; but it was too short to do any real lasting damage on the character. The story was the basic template to The Incredible Shrinking Molly; which was better, although it was a mess animation wise with a gaping logic break; which this episode at least lacked as it was tight enough to be believable (with the major exception I already pointed out). The finish was in fact very good as Webby killing the airplane in the end was awesome to see and the ending was proper and the right booking decision; but man, the entire "too little" angle hurt an episode that actually could have been a ****+ episode to be honest with you. Overall; this was a middling episode that could have been a disaster if the writers got their way 100%, and could have been a lot better if Libby Hinson was writing this since she wouldn't have fallen into the traps these writers did. So I leave with one question: What is a Goose Gun? Seriously; I would love to know. It's like asking why Donald Duck likes an anime show like Ninja Lumberjacks. Next up is the final episode in the pre-Disney Afternoon era which is the Mask Mallard in which Scrooge becomes a hero because the anthro version of Morton Downy Jr strikes Scrooge's rep. And the nephews finally stop being protected too. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.