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Scrooge's Last Adventure
Reviewed: 03/18/2012
Liar.
So yes; this is Fenton's last appearance in Ducktales the television series as we get another prime example of self copying from the same duo who did The Time Bandit; at least at first. Only that this episode aired after Bearly Alive; but was produced BEFORE Bearly Alive since it was designed to be a season three episode; if that makes any sense. I'll never understand why they used Scrooge's Last Adventure as a title name here when it was more suited for The Golden Goose since it was the aired finale. I would have called this Death By Cyberspace. It's not like Disney doesn't allow the word death anyway. Now Bearly Alive would have been fine if not for a lot of logic breaks; so how does this episode fare?! Let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written and story edited by Ken Koonce and David Weimers. Is it really surprising that this happened considering that these two also wrote Bearly Alive?!
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as the nephews (sans hats) are playing Frisbee in the mansion and Huey knocks over a pillar and shatters a lamp missing it of course. Mrs. Beakly comes in and actually shows her diplomatic side by suggesting that they play something some civil like ball and jacks. The nephews yuck it off as being wimpy. Mrs. Beakly informs the kids that roughhousing is not approved by Scrooge (Riiiigggghhhtttt. Didn't two of the nephews start wrestling each other in one of the episodes already?); and the nephews promise that they'll stop and cross their fingers behind their backs. Here's an obvious question: Why doesn't Mrs. Beakly just tell them to play outside? It cannot be any worse than inside; and it's NOT raining or anything. Mrs. Beakly walks off; the nephews have EVIL INTENTIONS and we resume with the roughhousing...ERRR...I mean Frisbee throwing. Huey catches it; Louie tackles him, Dewey panics and they take a MAN-SIZED bump into the grandfather clock and it gets absolutely destroyed. Oh lord; how contrived and forced can you get? Are we supposed to believe that two nephews can destroy a grandfather clock THAT easily? Kit yanking out the compass in Bearly Alive is much more believable than this. The nephews proclaim that Scrooge will break them in a thousand pieces if they see this. So the nephews have a Krackpotkin plan and proclaims that they think so much alike that it's scary. Ummmm; yeah, that is scary. Almost Michael Eisner-equse thinking. And how did Mrs. Beakly NOT hear the noise?! Logic break #1 for the episode barely two minutes in. It's going to be a long episode; I just know it.
So we do the scene changer into the streets of Duckberg as we go to a clock maker store and into the workshop as a bird clock fixer is looking at the clock while the nephews plead for him to fix it. They address him as Doctor Glockenspiel which Open Office DOES see as a proper word. It's carillon in English which is basically a bell which makes little sense. He should be called Dr. Uhr; although in English that also means Taxameter; or Taxi meter. Needless to say; the grandfather clock is beyond repair and dead. So the nephews try plan B: which is to do the Christian Temper of Death. Oh god; that is so damn childish that it isn't funny. Even the Quack Pack nephews don't stoop to that low; and that's SAYING SOMETHING! And yes; it works too as he agrees to fix it. The nephews get up and thank him before bailing stage left. What a stupid spot that was?! Yeah; Kit's maturity is growing even more on me now. So we head back to the mansion as the limo drives into the driveway and Duckworth lets Scrooge out and Scrooge is giddy as he uses the tip of the cane to pick up a dime. See; Gyro gave him a cane with a magnet tip to pick up coins off the street. Duckworth states that now he can afford a real doctor instead of going to the health clinic. What a surprise; the writers are STILL hammering the point home that Scrooge is acting like a hypocritical piracy leech. Scrooge's answer to this is as predictable as they come as he walks into the mansion.
So we head to Scrooge's office as he is doing paperwork while Duckworth becomes the Ducktales version of Matt Morgan from his early TNA days. The phone rings and Duckworth answers it. It's for Scrooge from Doctor Something Another which is pretty lame. He should have said Doctor Carillon just for a laugh before walking off. Scrooge answers the phone and yes; it's Doctor Glockenspiel (late Hal Smith in case you didn't notice) and if you watched Bearly Alive, you know exactly where this is going BEFORE he even said it. In fact; other than the cute "Sit down; stand up" comedy spot they did in Bearly Alive; it's the exact same scene; almost word for word in fact, even right down to the promo where he wants Scrooge to sell him the spare parts. So yeah; I like Bearly Alive better in this case so far since Rebecca's response to it is priceless. Scrooge is more angry here and quite frankly it still is stupid because anyone who said "sell the spare parts"; you know it is not a real doctor. Because a real doctor knows you do not sell spare parts; you donate them since selling organs is illegal. That why it doesn't say "Organ Selling" it's said "Organ Donor". Plus; the emotion isn't there because we the audience know he's NOT dead. Scrooge goes into melodramatics walking around the mansion proclaiming that he's a goner, sticks out his tongue etc. He walks into the hallways proclaiming that he's too rich to die which is death reference #1 of the episode almost five minutes in. To note: Bearly Alive set the record of use of the words death, dying and kill with 16 references to it; so let's see how Scrooge's Last Adventure does...
Scrooge walks down the steps as the nephews are at the bottom of the steps and they panic. They bail to the front of the grandfather clock and whistle while wearing the OUT OF NOWHERE halos on their heads. Oh god; they ARE turning into the Quack Pack nephews because I saw that exact same spot in Transmission Impossible. And GeoX is reviewing Quack Pack now and knowing GeoX's reviews of Ducktales; I shudder to think how he can trash those episode even more than I COULD ever do. Scrooge of course doesn't even bother to see the obvious fact that the grandfather clock is F'N MISSING; and gives them dollar bills and tells them to spend with their hearts delight. Oh god; that is stupid. Bearly Alive is far better than this. Maybe having that "You will be fired if you don't fill that empty slot in our new block called Disney Afternoon" hanging over their heads should have applied to this series too. Because there is one gaping logic break that I don't accept. Scrooge literally throws the money into the screen just to insult me and the nephews take it. Now granted; Scrooge is doing a good job keeping his composure telling them to take care of Webby for him; but the nephews cheer on cue taking the money and runs out of the mansion. The nephews run out of the property and then stop since Huey wants to tell Scrooge about the grandfather clock since it's the right thing to do according to Louie's translation of Mr. Woodchuck. I doubt it will do any good because if Scrooge was so damn stupid to NOT notice the grandfather clock being gone at all; then telling him isn't going to get you anywhere.
Dewey wants to put it to a vote; and all of them put the money behind the backs and whistle. Memo to GeoX: I realize that you hate the fact that they betrayed the Woodchucks in such an insulting way; but seriously, the Woodchuck Guide Book has been such a hit or miss book in terms of creditability that at this point; the writers stop caring about it since it's already screwed up in this canon. Dewey proclaims that democracy is dead (while avoiding the word dead) and the nephews bail stage right. I don't want to know the writers' motives for that spot at all; so let's move on to the kitchen as Scrooge sulks in and Mrs. Beakly is mixing something in a red bowl at the counter. Scrooge talks about lunch and Mrs. Beakly is surprised that Scrooge wants lunch because she thinks Scrooge thinks that is for wimps. Scrooge sits at the table and eats spoonfuls of soup given to him. Scrooge has had a change of heart see. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Scrooge asks if he has ever said that she was a good cook. Mrs. Beakly's response that the way she looks she must enjoying her cooking. Okay; that is really a dick response Scrooge. The later one; not the former one. Scrooge groans and tells her that she is getting a raise and attempts to walk out. Mrs. Beakly asks if she gets it now; Scrooge claims she'll get it in 48 hours because it's less painful that way. Mrs. Beakly is stunned as Scrooge walks out. Considering that it took 72 hours before I got a change in my work timetable; that's pretty generous of him.
So Scrooge walks outside to the limo and hops in as he tells Duckworth to go to the Money Bin for one last time and offers to give Duckworth the rest of the day off after Scrooge is dropped off. Duckworth is actually crying claiming that according to Scrooge; taking days off is wimpy. Damn; this "x is for wimps" thing is lame to the wimpy extreme here. Scrooge gives him permission to wimp out and Duckworth is in tear calling it wimp-pethic of him. Oh lord; stop it already! You're making Bearly Alive a lot better than it deserves to be. So we head to the Money Bin as and Scrooge's office as Fenton is taking phone calls on Scrooge's behalf as he informs someone that Scrooge is not here and therefore needs to take a message. We go to the split screen and we get the most butch dogperson nurse I have ever seen in my whole entire life. It might be a transgender man for all I know. Her blue apron indicate that she might be Bouncer when he had Rebecca's hairstyle a while back. No, not really. Her name is Nurse Hatchet (Kathleen Freeman) and she informs Fenton that the tests for Scrooge have come back and to no one's surprise; they came back as Scrooge is 99% healthy. He only has a corn on the bottom of his foot which means he has much better feet than I have right now. Yeah; he's not dead. Fenton then proclaims that if he had a cauliflower ear; then he would really be a vegetable now. HAHA! He kicks his web feet on the desk and laughs to force the point. Okay; I admit that was a neat joke; so shoot me.
The nurse hangs up thus showing that she has absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever and then Fenton hears groaning and we head into the vault to see that Scrooge has somehow appeared on the area where the diving board used to be and now it's gone for no reason whatsoever. Not to mention that we never saw Scrooge walk in; so was he in the vault all this time? And since the vault is open; he surely had to hear Fenton insult him...Okay; at this point, any sane person worth his salt would inform Scrooge that the clinic has called and informed him that he's perfectly fine except for the corn on his foot. Problem is that would end the episode right now and we are not even eight minutes into this thing. Naturally; Fenton completely ignores it and sits down with Scrooge as they talk about what to do with the money if something awful should happen to him. Now in hindsight; this is a freakin good plot line; kind of like Baloo wanting his final wish to be flying into the Bearmuda Trapazoid; but this is derailed somewhat by the fact that Fenton already knows Scrooge is not going to die anytime soon. See; I like the Bearly Alive approach better when Rebecca didn't know that Baloo was not dead until Kit Cloudkicker came in blowing her off for trying to replace Baloo as a pilot. That made more sense; led to some Kit playing unintentional mind games with Rebecca and of course led to some Grade A Sally Struthers acting. Say what you want about Ken Koonce and David Weimers; at least they are smart enough to make better redo episodes of plot lines they originally wrote for previous series. Sometimes.
So after some drama; Fenton has a Krackpotkin plan as he shows the Banana Bran Flakes brochure which features an ad for...wait for it...Computer Banking. Change the first word to Internet and you have the future of doing business 15 years before it happens. It's kind of like Baloo with television actually. Scrooge blows him off because it's a half baked Crackshell idea. In 1990; it wasn't even baked. Maybe in 2009 it was a half baked idea; but still Scrooge has no idea on how to predict the future properly. Anyhow; Scrooge asks what is the alternative and Fenton claims that he needs a giant ass sized mattress. HAHA! Scrooge finally agrees to try out this computer banking idea and wants Fenton to leave so he can swim in his Money Bin one last time. So Fenton leaves the vault and Scrooge dives into the money without a problem. Now if they really wanted to screw with Scrooge's mind; a logic break would have been apporos here to have him plop on top of the money like the nephews usually do just for Scrooge to see it as a sign that he might be dying. Oh well; it was just a suggestion. So we head outside on the sky shot as trucks of money bags are driving out of the Money Bin and armed police guard with rifles are on the scene just to make sure no one does any funny business. Most so Fenton Crackshell as he proclaims that this has to be all the money since there are no more trucks left in the county. Scrooge wonders if he did the right thing and Fenton is certain of it as he decides to lead Scrooge back to the mansion because he wants to show him how the computer works.
So we head back to Scrooge's home office as Fenton is working on the computer demonstrating how Internet/Computer Banking works. I was praying that he would say that a series of tubes allows the money to flow from one place to another because then every computer geek can file a lawsuit against Disney for libel and slander since this show poisoned and encouraged our politicians into thinking that the Internet is merely a series of tubes. Sadly; it doesn't happen..yet. Anyhow; here's the obvious logic break with this: We have ALREADY seen Scrooge use a FREAKIN computer in another episode before this. I don't know which one; but the spot involved Scrooge using the dot matrix printer. So; Fenton pushes some button as we see some computer graphics on par with the Commodore 64 (I would have went for NES style since the NES was better at handling graphics; but whatever); and Fenton explains that Scrooge can invest money in the stock market, savings account, and a checking account. Sadly; he screws up the computer on the fourth button press as we see a sequence with the computer's screen being the FPS shot as Fenton's movements are so damn choppy that it's funny. So the computer fizzles out and panics as Scrooge wants to know what happened. Fenton stammers like an idiot and sweats like Oscar about to get some kissy-kissy from Clamantha. What is this episode doing to me?!
Anyhow; Fenton tries to change the subject as the writers clearly don't care about canon or even logic as the Fenton talks about the Duckberg Dodgers baseball game. This would have made more sense; if the Duckberg Stealers were a football team and the Dodgers were a baseball team. But in order for that to make sense; the Stealers would have to be either the Interceptors; or the Invaders or the Lambs (LA Raiders/ LA Rams) since Stealers is a play on the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Dodgers are in LA where the Disney Television studios are. These writers are clearly not thinking here. TaleSpin had a lot better continuity on sports teams than this; since they only have the Sox. Scrooge is not fooled by this as Fenton is typing like crazy and asking why he thinks something is wrong. Scrooge gleefully retorts that he is sweating more than Mrs. Beakly at a disco party. HEE HEE! Fenton then bangs the monitor slapping it about eight dozen times as he admits that there is a glitch in the computer. Scrooge asks what glitch is in the computer and Fenton claims that the glitch consumes mass amounts of money. It makes no sense; but this is 1990; so at least the dated reference is funny back then. Today; since we all know how computers work, it looks completely absurd. Anyhow; Scrooge orders Fenton to get the money back and Fenton hides under the computer desk claiming that he can't because the money is gone. It's a billion to one chance which is more than he has right now.
Scrooge goes nut and swings the cane around getting off death reference #2 and nailing the cane right on the corn on his foot and yelping and doing the foot grabbing spot in pain. He clearly was aiming for Fenton and missed by a country mile. The "I'm not going to die a father!" makes no sense though; it should be "I'm not going to die penny less in the gutter!". Fenton wants him to settle down because there is nothing he can do about it. Oh yeah; that'll make him feel so much better Fenton. Scrooge blows him off because he's not going to let the nephews be penny less no matter how sick he is and he walks off selling a foot injury. Fenton invokes the Gruffi pose and proclaims that he's overreacting to a corn. Maybe if you had told him from the start that he was NOT dying; then this wouldn't be happening. So we head to Gyro's house as Scrooge and Gyro are in the house as a giant monitor and computer is set up inside. Fenton is with them as Scrooge asks if there is something they can do. Gyro actually has a suggestion: Go into the computer and after the money. Fenton completely blows it off claiming that Gyro has flipped off his floppy disk. That is what computer programmers used in ancient Egypt kids. Don't forget that. Gyro is looking at the monitor of calculations and his Krackpotkin plan invokes making Fenton and Scrooge into electrical impulses and transferring them to a floppy disk to insert into the computer. I guess turning them into data was too offensive even for Disney because that is what Gyro is planning, more or less.
Scrooge wants to do this; but Gyro tells him that this is a risky mission and Scrooge may NEVER return alive. Fenton pleads to come along; but Scrooge no sells the ideal. Fenton even gets on his knees and begs for mercy and forgiveness because this WAS all his fault after all. Umm; no Fenton, it's the nephews' fault for killing Scrooge's grandfather clock and it's SCROOGE'S fault for not noticing the OBVIOUS logic break when the nephews were haloing themselves. Oh my; Open Office saw haloing as a word. We ARE in Bizzaro World now! Scrooge no sells calmly as Fenton continues to beg and plead for mercy and Scrooge doesn't sell. So Fenton goes for plan B: which is the old Christian Temper of Doom. Yes; now we know where the nephews got their plan b from. Okay; they paid off the joke and Fenton doing this absolutely cracks me up; but sadly it's for the absolute WRONG reasons. Scrooge finally sells and yes; I did laugh at Fenton crying like a sooky baby; so they are 1 for 2 in that department. Scrooge claims that he literally doesn't have time to argue; Fenton is beaming and then we fade to black for no reason and then we head inside Gyro's workshop as Scrooge and Fenton head inside a gray/pink virtual reality simulator. Scrooge asks where to start looking for the money as Gyro brings down the virtual reality helmets for Scrooge and Fenton to wear. They look like they have too many computer parts on top to be working properly as Gyro suggests going to the bad sectors where the glitches often hide out. Which in a fitting moment is what they are called with hard drives too. So at least Gyro knows what he is talking about.
Scrooge asks Fenton and Fenton salutes claiming that he's ready, able and computer compatible as Gyro throws the conveniently placed big ass switch and Scrooge and Fenton dematerialize into light blue line and spark into the wires above the helmet into the VR device and that officially ends the segment almost 12 and a half minutes in. Well; now the worst is over and we can get to the good stuff now from here on out. This is kind of like My Fair Baloo where they had one plot line of having manners being not good; and then a hijacker plot line with Owl Capone that turned the episode around and was awesome. This sadly; isn't quite there and a bit half baked; but at least the dying part is pretty much been abandoned which is nice because it's really contrived and forced at this point. The Computer Banking glitch angle is much more interesting and exciting.
After the commercial break; we head back to the mansion as Gyro rides to the driveway and YIPPEEE! The VANILLA MANILLA UFO CAR OF DOOM is back! I'm adding a 1/4* just for that moment alone. Gyro hops out with the red floppy disk as he heads inside and we head into the office with Mrs. Beakly as Gyro explains that he's on a top secret mission for Scrooge. Mrs. Beakly asks how she can help as Gyro sits down in front of the computer and he informs Mrs. Beakly not to get anywhere near the computer until he's done. Mrs. Beakly proclaims that she'll do her best and she bails stage left. So Gyro takes the computer disk; cuts a Moon Landing promo for computers and inserts the computer disk into the floppy drive. That leads to a surreal sequence of Scrooge and Fenton flying through the air behind a computer like background. So we land inside the computer as yellow sparks are flying on the circuit chips and we discover that data in this world travels on a roadway via a space ship. Ooookkkkaaayyyy; so Disney is now officially safe from a lawsuit. Scrooge and Fenton land in front of the cockpit of this space like ship. Scrooge proclaims that according to Gyro the glitches usually hide behind a bad sector. Fenton wonders where that could be.
Scrooge checks around and sees a blob of something with electrical sparks and Scrooge calls it a bad sector if he ever saw one. So Fenton takes the controls of the ship and the thing drives backwards of course just because it's Fenton of course. Sadly; nothing bad happens and they advance forward on the information super highway literally. Scrooge then notices dollar signs on the water in data waves and Scrooge uses the butterfly net to grab them. Heh. We go into the "Cybertown" as a shadow of a blob monster appears in front of Fenton and he panics. Sadly; it disappears, Scrooge turns around and blows Fenton off for being an idiot. Then the WHALE GLITCH OF DEATH appears and eats the butterfly net. Scrooge realizes that this is the glitch that ate his money. Fenton calls it a Moby Glitch even though it sucks up money like a vacuum cleaner. Now this episode really sucks. HAHA!
Ron Sparks: It sucks more than Sean Desmond.
So Scrooge wants to follow Moby Glitch and Fenton stammers and goldbricks like an idiot wanting to go high gear reverse. Scrooge blows him off and Fenton takes the control and we speed off stage right. We then scene change to Gyro at the computer rubbing his hands and watching the action. So Gyro suddenly gets a case of the munchies and walks off to the kitchen to find free food. As that happens; we see the nephews run in and wanting to play a computer game on the new computer. What? Scrooge is too cheap to buy them a Pretendo?! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BONK! OUCH! Ummm... They look at the screen and ponder which game to play and Louie suggests Quackman. I guess Quack Bert is too close to copyright infringement right Disney? Wink! Wink! Nudge Nudge! So Huey pushes some buttons and as Scrooge and Fenton follow Moby Glitch; the screen scrambles and the ship disappears causing the adults to drop on their asses and now we start the sequence of playing a mallard parody of Pac-Man. Well; I once played Snake-Man this way on Vic-20; so at least the parody has some roots in reality. Not much in reality; I'm sure. The nephews then notice pixelized versions of Scrooge and Fenton on the screen and look confused as we see Quackman who is Moby Glitch as Pac-Man chomping on the pellets. The nephews try to make them move but no dice as Scrooge and Fenton notice Moby Glitch coming this way and they bail through the maze and into a docking door which warps them into a space shooting game complete with lasers.
So the nephews keep pushing buttons for a while as we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MOBY GLITCH EDITION on our monitor screen. Then in comes Gyro thanking Mrs. Beakly for the broccoli sandwich thus showing that he is a vegan. Gyro panics when he sees them playing on the computer and rushes it to try to stop the program as the nephews claim that Scrooge lets them play video games. Gyro points out that Scrooge is IN the video game and the nephews are SHOCKED and APPALLED. No really; I'm as SHOCKED as you are. The babyfaces are trapped in the maze complete with digital help signs. HA! Gyro asks how to stop the program and the nephews proclaim that you cannot stop it unless the game is over. Moby Glitch stalks the babyfaces and Louie proclaims that there is a way to do it; which is to do what all losers and cowards do when the computer AI kicks their virtual asses and are about to invoke the killing blow: unplug the computer. Which of course Gyro pleads for them not to do it; but Louie unplugs the computer, the computer turns off and that kills the program dead. Louie re-plugs the computer and we have a fuzzy screen as Gyro proclaims that they are gone (or in this context, dead) as the nephews gulp and sweat to end the segment sixteen minutes in.
After the commercial break; we have a screen with white lines against a black background and then the screen reassembles the program as everything returns back to what it was when they entered the first time into Cyberspace. Fenton is in shock to see this happening and compares it to Ma making sparks. Scrooge notices that the ship is a wreck and it's called the Disk Drive. Okay; works for me I guess. So Fenton takes the controls and drives it like a manual transmission car putting it into third gear and it shakes and slams around before just driving slowly across the information highway. Scrooge looks around and he sees Moby Glitch blowing dollar signs right out of the stack. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the creators watched this episode for pointers on how to make the world of Reboot. So we scene change back to the office as the nephews watch Gyro pushing buttons. The nephews want to join in; but Gyro refuses because he doesn't know where they are now that the monitor has gone dead. Then he sees a red blinking dot on the screen and Gyro believes that it's them as the red dot goes through the wires and into the telephone system (which means that indeed; the computer has an Internet connection. See; this proves that the Internet is not a series of tubes; it's a series of wires. POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Well; I tried to be diplomatic about this, I really did. I cannot please Mr. Hardcore; I should have guessed.
So we cut to inside the wires as Scrooge and Fenton use the disk drive to follow Moby Glitch. I realize that people are calling this episode a TRON parody; but sadly I never saw TRON in my life. Nor it's revival; so your guess is probably better than mine on what elements they took from TRON. Moby Glitch takes the left fork in the wires; and Scrooge orders Fenton to follow; but second gear is broken and they take the right route. Sorry; but the Democrat/Republican jokes died with Bubba's Big Brainstorm, so I cannot help you here. So we ride for a while as first gear is gone along with third gear; so it's high gear reverse for the rest of the session as we cut to Moby Glitch eating and blowing stuff from it's top and the babyfaces finally get to the glitch and then Moby turns around and wants to fight. Scrooge orders full gear reverse and Fenton cannot do that because they are already going in reverse. Dumb nephews are so beyond dumb. So Moby screws up by missing the boat by about three feet; but the power of suggestion makes the disk drive crash and the goofballs fall into the data drink so to speak. Fenton sums up the entire ordeal nicely.
We cut back to the nephews looking outside as they wonder what they can do. Gyro doesn't know; but he deduces that since they are in the phone line; he's just use Scrooge's speaker phone. Apparently; telephone is trademarked for no good reason that I can think of. Gyro calls for Scrooge and gets no response as Moby Glitch stalks our goofballs and Scrooge dares Moby Glitch to fight him which causes Fenton to back Scrooge up since he wants to do it. Scrooge calls this too dangerous and Fenton proclaims that danger is his middle name. Considering that this episode was in production BEFORE A Ducktales Valentine; we can now safely assume that Fenton is a bad influence on the nephews. What a shock that is?! Scrooge does the Gruffi pose and Fenton admits that his middle name is really Ishmail. And he's dramatic as he swims in and we have the FCC FRIENDLY OFF- SCREEN FIGHT OF DOOM which Fenton gets squashed like a bug and thrown back beside Scrooge. HEE HEE! Fenton claims that he's not user friendly. NO?! REALLY?! He must be the bug that infects Mr. Hardcore into believing that a controller with two joysticks and a dozen buttons is cool and a Wii Remote as destroying gaming. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... Oh come on guys; it was so OBVIOUS! It's not Nintendo's fault that you guys are projecting your lack of talent on them.
So Fenton decides to channel the powers of Baloo in The Idol Rich and swim back in. Geez; if a pair of Thembrian guards can stop a 500 pound bear within three seconds; then why does Fenton THINK that the result would be DIFFERENT for HIM?! He is REALLY STUPID. You can guess what happens next to Fenton by the way. Fenton pleads to pay the money back; and Scrooge shakes his head no selling the deal. So Fenton goes back to channeling Baloo and failing badly. Considering that Ducktales took place in a 1980's world; you would think that Fenton would watch TaleSpin and NOT channel "Baloo The Punching Bag"; and actually channel "Baloo The Sneaky Bastard" instead?! Then again; Fenton is Drake Mallard version zero; so why should we be surprised? On the other hand; Fenton is funny as an international object so you cannot argue with the results entertainment wise. Sadly; Moby Glitch has had enough and eats Fenton and puts him out of his misery. Yeah right sir?! Scrooge gasps in horror and calls for Fenton; but there is no dice. Scrooge panics as we hear Gyro's voice echoing in the chamber (HA!) as Scrooge hears him and screams for help. Gyro goes over to a wall and bashes his head against it trying to think. Oh yeah; that will help you think all right, think about having a self-inflicted concussion. Huey actually pleads for him to not scramble his brain. Yes; Huey realizes concussions are bad...IN 1990 no less!
Gyro then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he proclaims that you can scramble a glitch using a magnet. No really; stop laughing, he is serious here. No really; he isn't making a funny here. Scrooge has a magnet tipped cane of course as he taps it against the wire and it sparks and doesn't fry Scrooge even though he's standing on data like water. Oh well; these writers have no clue how these things work and this is more entertaining then the real thing; so I'll give them a pass on this one. This is why it works with this show; and not so much with Fairly Oddparents since the writers SHOULD know better. Moby Glitch blitzes Scrooge as they fight and we quickly cut away back to Gyro calling for Scrooge and there is no answer as the nephews panic right on cue. We cut back to inside the wire and Moby Glitch licks it's chop as Scrooge has been murdered as well. Yeah right. We all know where this is going now; don't we? The Glitch crumbles into pixels and dies causing the data to flow out and both Scrooge and Fenton drop into the water and both embrace each other in a cute spot. Then Fenton literally walks on the data water in a circle yelling Ding Dong The Glitch is dead twice (death reference #3 and #4 for the episode; thus assuring that Bearly Alive's record is intact forevermore).
Scrooge admires the data stream of money as he wants Gyro to hook them up and get them outside so Gyro proclaims that he is transferring Scrooge and the money to the Money Bin and we cut to inside the vault as there is a computer set up in the vault as well. OOooooooookkkkkaaaaayyyy; that was contrived and forced; but really it's the only way for the even more absurd finish to occur as the money gushes out of the computer screen and refills the Money Bin as if nothing had happened to it before the Computer Banking. Computer screen breaks too by the way which will cause hazardous chemicals on the skin of the babyfaces when they flood out of the screen. Yeah; this is Quack Pack absurd; but at least it was written right; so I cannot complain. No wonder everyone dogged Quack Pack for so long. So the nephews and Gyro somehow manage to get to the Money Bin within a minute of this and climb into the vault and are glad Scrooge is all right.
So they embrace and Scrooge states that it's good to be back; but sadly we go into the pathos scene where Scrooge tells the nephews that he is dying and he completely avoids the word die and heaven here which is quite silly given Bearly Alive (and the fact that the ducks have said die long before Kit did); as he tells them to take good care of the money. I'm sorry; this just doesn't work and at this point, I'm yelling at Fenton to TELL HIM NOW. The nephews have no idea what he is talking about and Fenton blows off Scrooge for over dramatics on a corn on his foot. Scrooge is confused about it as Fenton tells her that the nurse called and told him that he's fine. Scrooge claims that a doctor told him that the ticker is gone as he flops on the money. The nephews then realize that their roughhousing caused all this and they admit that it wasn't the ticker from Scrooge; it's the grandfather clock that they broke and Scrooge is in shock and now he is really upset as he throws the Christian Temper of Death. Oh swell; I wanted to see Scrooge chase after the nephews like he does with Donald and he resorts to this childish behavior. I thought with Fenton that we drove that joke to hell already. The nephews proclaim that they didn't know Scrooge knew Plan B. Scrooge whines like a sooky baby and that ends the episode at 21:16. What a dumb ending that was?! Bad start, great middle, good finish, really lame ending. That's all that needs to be said. And Fenton being funny as usual in the middle parts. Call it ** 1/2 (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; our final episode with Fenton was a disappointment. It wasn't awful by any means as the whole Cyberspace thing was pretty interesting for it's time since the Internet was barely notable in 1990 and thus the whole episode was amusing, creative and fine. Fenton was his usual smooth self and Moby Glitch was pretty good too. The rest of it was hit or miss at best: The whole plot line of Scrooge dying was really pointless since Fenton knew about Scrooge's health and could have just told him from the start and end this nonsense; and it took the air out of a plot that could have been something it it wasn't so half baked and used as a subplot to set up the Computer Banking scheme. And the whole nephews plan B spot was awful and childish. It works with Fenton because he's vain and full of himself and thus being childish is part of the gimmick. When the nephews do it as a plan to get what they want it grinds my gears so much that I want to see Kit Cloudkicker come into the show and kick these nephews' asses. And Scrooge doing it as an ending was also dumb because it wasn't only beneath him to do such a thing; it's also because he still got his way. To me; it was just an excuse to please BS&P so that we don't see Scrooge chase after the nephews like Scrooge does with Donald in the comics. And finally; there was the glaring logic break of the grandfather clock missing which Scrooge would have seen in plain sight that it was missing. And Mrs. Beakly didn't hear the obvious noise the nephews made when they destroyed the clock which we are supposed to buy that the nephews are even able to destroy a clock that way. As I said before; Bearly Alive was a lot more believable than this and is better than this episode; but it fell mostly due to logic breaks by the same animation company that did this episode (which wasn't an issue here) and also because they jackhammer the whole dying thing to the ground during the middle of Act III. This episode on the other hand had a bad Act I, great Act II and III; until the lame ending. So we have an middle of the road episode in every way as a result. A real depressing way to end Fenton's career in Ducktales because it wasn't Fenton's fault for this episode sucking; he in fact saved it.
Well; we have done 98 episodes and one cinema movie of Ducktales; and so we have come down to the final two episodes of the series: The Golden Goose. This is truly the last stand for Flintheart and the Beagle Boys as Dijon returns and we get the end of the world which happens in a gold wave which was scary at the time of release. I hope to get both episodes done next week so I can take a week off and then start with Easter Sadism. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.