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The Golden Goose Part Two
Reviewed: 03/25/2012
The World Ends With Gold...
Well kids; we have finally reached the end of the series as we conclude part two of the wild golden goose chase. Can Scrooge revive his nephews from their Death By Golden Goose? Can the end of the world be stopped? Will Dijon ever stop stealing Poupon's watch?! No more wimping out. The final episode is upon thee; here we go, let's rant on shall we..?!
This episode is written by Jeffrey Scott. The story is done by Alan Burnett, Ken Koonce and David Weimers.
Interesting Moment #1: We get the preview of the episode from part one...IN A TWO PARTER! Something TaleSpin and Darkwing Duck never got in their two parters. I believe the narrator for this is Frank Welker since he sounds like Poupon without the accent. Anyhow; at the end of the preview; it's clear there is a Toon Disney edit because when Big Time is about to touch the nephews, he yells gold, then the screen freezes and the scene quickly cuts to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM. Whoever thought it was a good idea to cut out the nephews turning to gold is on something and they should CUT THE F'N DOSE! Even more so when the scene was completely UNCUT the day before on TOON DISNEY no less. Idiots!
We begin this one with the golden STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM in the morning. We head upstairs as Duckworth is bringing up a golden tray and meets Webby who is looking for the nephews. Duckworth hasn't seen them and Webby bails stage left and then screams. Yeap; she found them and Duckworth thinks they are big ass trophies. If only Duckworth, if only. Then Mrs. Beakly (in her night refreshment outfit) come out from a door; wipes the stuff from her faces, sees the statues and then screams and faints in Duckworth's arms. Oooookkkkaaaayyyy. Then the door shatters a hole in itself and out comes Scrooge hopping on one foot since that is the only thing he can get through the golden cloth. He's swearing and wanting to MURDER some Beagle Boys. Well I don't blame him this time because they MURDERED the nephews legit. Scrooge bumps into the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES) much to Webby's pleas to look out and a golden statue flies into the air and smashes into the cloth which breaks the cloth. I see golden cloth is still as fragile as ever. Then again; 24 karat gold is the softest gold around so there you go. Scrooge flies and is turned into a pretzel in front of the golden statues of the nephews which he blows off. Webby retorts and Scrooge goes into melodramatics and embraces one of the statue admitting that this was all his fault. Nah; it's Dijon's for NOT protecting the statue like he promised to; but whatever. It's not like Dijon is going to know the word responsible anyway.
So we cut back to the golden mansion and head to the office as Gyro is running tests on the golden statues of the nephews. Sadly; the numbers do not look good for the nephews as the computer laser doesn't work. Gryo checks the printer paper coming out of the printer and speaks some of the most absurd science talk ever that no scientist would be caught dead saying. Anyhow; Gyro claims that the proper mixture of water and Dodgers beating Yankees will do the trick as he mixes chemicals in his test tube set; thus turning the mixture in the test tube green. He pours it onto the nephews and they turn into golden sunflowers. HAHA! Gyro does see this as a positive thing as Scrooge gets on his knees and begs for mercy. And in comes Dijon and Poupon wanting to help; so Scrooge turns Gyro's laser cannon around and fires it on Dijon; but misses him and only a bunch of golden books nail him in the head. He is dizzier than a drug dealer at this point.
Poupon pleas to stop the execution because he's his brother and he is meant to come here afraid that this might happen. He addresses himself as part of the Brotherhood of the Goose. Scrooge finally gets the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and pleas for help. Poupon tries to get the vial of water and naturally Dijon stole the vial which makes ZERO SENSE because Poupon gave the vial of water to Dijon in the previous scene with those two. Memo to Poupon: You are an idiot! Scrooge grabs the water and teases pouring it on the nephews; but Poupon stops him. See; if he pours the water now, then there is no water to stop the transformation of the golden goose in two hours. First transformation will cause the goose to turn stuff to gold at will; then a second transformation will occur after that and we will have the dreaded SHADOW GOLD WAVE OF DEATH as it turns the whole world into gold and the place ceases to exist. Pouring water on the goose delays the transformation enough to allow the goose to be put on the fountain and then there will be enough water to revive the nephews. Thus Scrooge stops and gives the vial back to Poupon. Oh; and Dijon finally steals Poupon's pocket watch as I expected him too. Although; there was a continuity error in the second steal as it was a wrist watch in part one; but whatever.
So Poupon asks for the goose and Scrooge admits that he doesn't have it; but has a good idea who does. Webby runs in and wants to go and no lectures is going to stop her this time BABEE! So Scrooge plays along and tells her that the most important job in the world is to look after the nephews and he's looking for someone to do it. So Webby jumps up and down and volunteers. Great; the reverse psychology method works on her. Well; at least Scrooge used his brain to outsmart her instead of the old "I hate Webby method" other writers used on her; so I cannot fault Jeffrey Scott for trying here. So everyone leaves Webby to look after them and Poupon blows off Dijon for stealing Scrooge's golden globe (Get it?) and it drops on Dijon's foot and he no sells. Dijon apologizes and Poupon forces him to sell by pulling the dog ear away stage left. HAHA! That'll teach Dijon to sell the foot grabbing spot next time.
So we fade to black and then go to the sky shot of the wrong part of Duckberg as a gray car races around town and we see an abandoned building that sezs Glomgold Motors. Oh COME ON GUYS! Too obvious of a hideout here considering that it's the same building as the Beagle Boys' hideout. The van opens and out comes Flint dancing an Scottish jig just to annoy me. The Beagle Boys follow inside and Wang Films clearly cannot animate a lick because all the gold transformations occur off-screen. The Beagle Boys plea for him to slow down; but Flint is too giddy as he turns the entire abandoned car factory into gold. Baggy gets whacked by the golden light tubes and none of them shatter. So we go from inhaling glass dust to getting a concussion. I seriously don't know which is worse. Flint turns the grappling chain into gold and swings down and then turns a map into gold and proclaims that he'll get more production in a few weeks than he had in 50 years of production and wealth of 1000 Scrooge's.
So we scene change to in the air with Scrooge's helicopter as Scrooge is using his golden binoculars to look for Flint's hideout while Launchpad is flying and Poupon and Dijon in the backseat. Scrooge sees the factory on the sky shot below and orders Launchpad to fly down and land. Launchpad salute him and all who like his fatalism and we go into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) for a while. Then we cut back to inside the factory with Flint taking some oil barrels and turning them into gold as the price of oil is going way up. He turns the whole setup into gold; but then the helicopter crashes into the roof and drops onto the setup flipping Flint away and making him lose his golden goose in the process. All the babyfaces and Dijon squash Flint; but Flint pops up from the carnage and wants that golden goose. Heels try to lunge and grab the goose and we play hot potato with the goose for a while as Flint grabs it; but the Beagle Boys grab him and the goose is still loose. The Beagle Boys have zero idea who is heel or face at this point as the heels are screwing each other and the goose ends up on the conveyer belt. Scrooge runs in and pushes the red button on the console to start the conveyer belt. Poupon tries to grab the goose; but the machine parts grab him and he gets oiled and polished. HAHA! Well; let's see if he finds a way to blame Dijon for that gaffe.
Big Time runs after goose and gets spray painted by the conveniently placed spray can as Big Time is now Big Time Smurf. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... We see Launchpad on a vent calling for the goose; so a machine part puts a helicopter helmet on Launchpad's noggin and he goes flying away. HAHA! This IS the Satanic version of How It's Made. AHHAHAHAHAHA! So Baggy tries to grab it; but the machine grippers carry it away and plop a spark plug hat on Baggy and then he gets fried with Wii electric sparks. HAHA! Flint tries; but the MICKEY MOUSE HANDS OF DEATH sissy slap him good despite missing his face by six inches. The power is suggestion is so powerful in cartoons. So Dijon ends up getting the goose (Yeah; the one who steals gets the spoils here) and tries to bail; but Flint blocks the way and demands the golden goose right now. Dijon threatens to turn Flint into a gold statue; so Flint gets out his small purse and throws money on the ground which allows Dijon to try to resist. In hindsight; him having the money is smart because if he had turned Flint into a statue; it MIGHT speed up the transformation process. Dijon finding throws the goose away and revels in the money which Flint had no trouble giving it to him so it is not stealing no matter what Dijon sezs. It's not like Flint needs petty cash now that he has a golden goose.
Flint grabs the golden goose and bails stage left as Poupon blows off Dijon for being a traitor to that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. Scrooge doesn't give a crap about Dijon and wants to save the nephews; however, the Beagle Boys grab the babyfaces from behind. Poupon brings out the vial of mystic water on retainer as Flint walks in slowly and is about to turn the babyfaces into gold statues like the nephews and that ends the segment almost ten minutes in. Pretty much a fun episode thus far; and now we are really starting to goose up here so to speak.
After the commercial break; we have the heels holding the babyfaces as Flint stalks the faces with the golden goose of death. However; Flint shakes and drops the golden goose which Poupon points out is starting it's first transformation. UH OH! Memo to Poupon: Pour the damn vial of water NOW! So the goose turns into basically a golden goose if it were real and it stalks around touching it's beak into everything it sees and turning it into gold. Poupon explains the obvious for us and it hates people too. The Beagle Boys are smart enough to bail stage right and run right through the wall with Scooby Doo Snow Angel spots just to annoy me. Poupon tries to get the water ready; but the goose sqwaks and Dijon becomes Scooby to Poupon's Shaggy. Poupon gleefully blows off Dijon as the goose chases Launchpad stage left. LP hides in a box which the goose turns to gold and then walks off. Launchpad is all right though and blows off the goose.
So the golden goose chases Scrooge and runs out of the window as the goose touches the wall and turns it into gold. Flint runs for the door (with golden trim natch) and it's locked. The goose runs in a rampage and somehow the door opens and Flint gets inside and the goose turns the door to gold. We cut to flint panting against the door thinking he is safe. Riiiiiggggghhhttt Flint. It's ONLY a goose with a golden Medusa beak. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! So the goose flies through the conveniently placed window; Flint panics, the golden goose touches him and he turns into gold thus putting him out of the picture. Golden goose flies out of the window into the city as Poupon and company notice Flint as a gold statue and even Scrooge has sympathy for the poor guy as we see the golden goose flying towards downtown Duckberg. So we head to the golden mansion as there are red sparks flying within and then we head back into the office as Gyro uses the RED LASER SPARKS OF DOOM to try to revive the nephews. Gyro and company have shades on to protect their eyes. Gyro fires and we have an explosion to cover the scene. The smoke clears and it didn't work as the nephews are now 50 feet tall. HAHA! Well; now they know how Webby feels now and considering their faces on the shot it's notable. Duckworth decides to call the roofing company on this one too.
So we head to a television set as we get a blue dressed Webwa Walters in her final television appearance on Ducktales (although she would appear quite a few times for no reason on Darkwing Duck; so this is not her last appearance on television period) as she turns the microphone over to a dogperson lady who she wants to interview; but she is speechless because she has been turned to gold. I'm guessing that Webwa is turned to gold as well and leave it at that. And damn; the joke on the goose being loose is dead now that she stole the joke from me. So the television goes dead as we are in Launchpad's hanger as Poupon blames Dijon for everything as usual. Launchpad has some butterfly nets ready and Scrooge grabs one. Poupon tells Dijon to basically go away and doesn't want to see him ever again as far as he is concerned. Poupon, Scrooge and Launchpad hop into a jeep and drive away from the hanger. Dijon sulks without saying a word and walks away stage right from the hanger.
So we head into the partially golden city of Duckberg as the golden goose clearly has a selective memory. The jeep drives on the road and then stops in front of a traffic light. Scrooge asks if Launchpad (who is driving) if he found the goose. Launchpad states that he hasn't. Scrooge asks why he stopped and LP proclaims that he doesn't know what to do on gold. HAHA! Scrooge tries to whack him with the butterfly net; but Launchpad ducks. Memo to Launchpad: If you go on gold; then you treat it as a four way stop; as per the rule when the traffic lights are OUT when there is a power outage. Simple. Launchpad drives forcing Scrooge into the front seat. So we head into the park as it's partially turned to gold and there is the golden goose. Poupon tells them to stay away from the beak which is the deadly part. Everyone scatter and they all hide behind trees as we play ninja stealth on the golden goose for a while.
Scrooge hides behind some flower bushes and uses the worst sounding goose whistle I have ever heard in my entire life as the golden goose is in a tree above his own head. UH OH! And of course Poupon and LP hear the sound and use the butterfly nets on Scrooge. HAHA! Well; this shows Poupon is an airhead. How can anyone take that sound seriously as a goose?! Even Dijon wouldn't fall for that one; no siree. So the faces see the goose flying away and chase after them as Scrooge goes up on the slide and then bumps into Launchpad while sliding down the golden slide and takes him down with a tackle. HA! Goose scores two points on himself with the basketball net and then gets caught with two butterfly nets. They bring it down and the goose turns the nets and sticks into gold making them heavy. Poupon runs in with the vial of water and it looks like they will be buying some time...and then the vial gets shattered by a bullet. Yes; it's Big Time, Burger and Baggy wanting some more golden goose. Bunch of ungrateful bastards!
Big Time orders them to hand over the damn goose; and the goose frees itself and it flashes into gold. UH OH! Cue ominous music as Poupon proclaims that it's going through it's final transformation as the goose sits down on the pavement and turns back into a statue. Then the street suddenly turns slowly into gold. UH OH! This apparently is the dreaded GOLD WAVE OF DEATH angle that I was talking about. The goose turns into a normal goose and flies away into the sky. Poupon calls it the Golden Death as this was what he was trying to warn everyone as it's touch will turn everything into gold. Everyone bails in opposite directions as the Beagle Boys climb the fence and then do the dumbest thing possible: Stand there and taunt the Golden Death. The Golden Death engulfs them and they turn into gold statues. We then cut to the faces returning onto the jeep and the damn thing will not start at all. So the golden wave of death continues to consume everything and the jeep finally gets started and races away as we have the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE GOLDEN DEATH EDITION! Scrooge proclaims that the entire planet is turning into gold and that ends the segment sixteen and a half minutes in. We have about six minutes left in this series to rant on; after doing 99 episodes and a movie for the past three years. So let's take a deep breath...and here we go...
After the commercial break; we continue with the golden death chasing (more to the point consuming everything into gold) as Scrooge proclaims that this is all his fault for being greedy. I'm shocked Poupon doesn't just turn around and say to him: No! Dijon is to blame for letting the golden goose get...Wait a minute; Poupon sezs that if they get the goose back on the fountain in time; it might reverse the golden wave of death. Scrooge orders Launchpad to drive them to the airport. So we cut to the mansion as the golden wave approaches the mansion and Gyro attempt to spray some sort of something on the nephews; but it's irrelevant because Gyro, Mrs. Beakly and Webby are all turned to gold and dead. Double OUCHIE! Again; this was a big deal for four kids to die this way; but Demona killed the whole thing in Gargoyles in 1994. Her laser gun fetish and hatred for humans in general had something to do with it. Anyhow; we make it to the airport as the jeep stops in front of the red baron plane and everyone gets in as LP starts it. Sadly; the golden wave is heading straight for them as Launchpad forgot to take down the wheel barricades. HAHA! Airheadness can be so dangerous to your health. So Scrooge and Poupon pull out the barricades from the wheel and Launchpad rides the plane around and away from the golden wave which forces Scrooge and Poupon to run behind it. LP wants to apply the brakes; but Scrooge blows that off. Scrooge manages to get aboard the plane in time and tries to grab Poupon; but it's too late as the plane rises into the sky and Poupon gets consumed by the golden wave and dies.
Scrooge doesn't like this at all because even if they find the goose; they are still doomed because they don't know where the fountain is. I think we all know where this is going as we head to the country side and see Dijon walking on a dusty road sulking about being such a traitorous loser and disgrace to his own brother. Then he hears something and notices the white goose hiding behind the bushes. And yes; Dijon stole his brother's pocket watch again. He peeps under the bushes and ponders over if he should touch the goose because if he touches wrong he turns to gold. However; he at least must redeem himself even if his brothers doesn't want any part of him again thus showing that Dijon is not really a heel; but a misguided soul. He jumps into the bushes and grabs the goose by the ankles. He thanks himself that he's not dead and here comes the golden wave of death as he bails stage left. So we cut to the skies as Launchpad is flying over and Scrooge proclaims that all is lost now. LP notices Dijon on the ground and Scrooge notices that he has the golden goose and orders Launchpad to swoop down and save Dijon's ass. Launchpad salutes and swoops down to near ground level as Scrooge tries to go for his cane; but doesn't have it. Oh; yes Dijon even stole Scrooge's cane and uses it to save himself and climbs on Launchpad's plane. So we have fatalism airhead to the right of him and a racial stealing stereotype to the left of him and here is Scrooge stuck in the middle of a golden wave of death. Scrooge teases MURDERING Dijon; but sees the goose and thanks Dijon for it.
So Launchpad demands the directions to the fountain and Dijon sells as Launchpad flies his fly for a while at sea as the golden wave of death consumes half of the earth on the space shot and then we zoom in on the country of Africa which makes the whole Bankladesh thing look even dumber and dumber in hindsight now. So we fly over Bankladesh as they make it towards the temple; but Launchpad notices the obvious problem as there is no where for them to land. So Scrooge orders Launchpad to do what he does best: Crash into the damn temple. Sure; why not? Just give Poupon an excuse to blame Dijon again why don't ya?! Anyhow; Launchpad's plane goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and the plane lands perfectly?! Seriously; even Launchpad hates that one. I CLUB POUPON BS&P! So Scrooge notices the golden wave heading towards the temple as the faces all climb off and head towards the temple doors leading to the fountain as the monks grab Dijon and blow him off. Dijon claims that he's here to unmess the mess he made as Scrooge blows them off and here comes the wave inside the temple as Launchpad throws the goose to Scrooge behind the guards and opens the door and heads inside. The wave kills Launchpad, the guards and Dijon by the way. Scrooge then runs to the fountain as the golden wave grabs onto Scrooge's legs and slowly turns him to gold as Scrooge make one miracle lunge to allow the goose to fly off and land right onto the fountain as Scrooge dies...for ten seconds as the goose touches the water; turns into a golden goose statue and the golden wave of death reverses itself and we repeat the sequence of the golden wave in reverse as Scrooge pops from the fountain and the nightmare is not officially over.
So we head back to the mansion as Scrooge apologizes to the nephews and embraces them. Huey proclaims that the golden wave is gone and Mrs. Beakly seems happy about it too. Dijon has his hat down as Poupon comes in and Dijon is surprised that he would want to see him again. Poupon tells him that he redeemed himself; and he did since he was the one who caught the golden goose when they most needed it. Now Poupon tells him it's time to work on not stealing and Dijon promises that he will never steal again. Riiiigggghhhttttt. Scrooge decides to check his pocket watch and he cannot find it. UH OH! So much for that plan and anyone who watched the Ducktales knows that this episode ends the exact same way the movie ends: Dijon is chased by Scrooge out of the mansion as he stole his watch, wallet and money belt. He might as well stole the gold medals and the Kurt Angle picture while he was at it too. So Scrooge chases Dijon into the park and that ends the episode, the finale, the season and the series at 20:12 aired. Although the finish looked completely rushed; or at least the after effects of it; the whole episode rocked. Still; that ending should have been more original instead of Dijon lapsing back into stealing Dijon even if it was funny. **** 1/2 (90%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we finally end Ducktales for real with a really good finale. There were a few notable problems, mostly with the finish being rushed (What happened to the Beagle Boys and Flintheart? And Webwa Walters?) and the whole ending being lifted from the Ducktales movie and all; but the rest of it was awesome. Dijon got to redeem himself in a big way and his usual lucky self way too. The animation was fine; although the golden wave of death sometimes looked a bit off in places and almost bleed into the sky at times. I also felt Scrooge's acting when he saw the nephews as golden statues was off too; but it wasn't too bad. Overall; this was great episode to end the series as long as you can get over the Dijon Middle Eastern stereotype part; you are good to go...
....and so that is that for Ducktales. Well; not quite. There are two more things left to do in the Ducktales universe: Do the Raw Toonage rant with Scrooge as the host and Goofy In Soccermania although that later one will not count as a Ducktales rant.. The final total is 45 thumbs up, 46 thumbs in the middle and 11 thumbs down. That is still three thumbs up less than TaleSpin's 48 thumbs up; but higher than Gummi Bears' 41 thumbs up. Needless to say; the second season was not at all bad; even though it had a -** episode in Bubba's Big Brainstorm and the ultra stupid Yuppy Ducks and New Gizmo Kids On The Block. Bubba as I mentioned before was perfectly acceptable as a background character; but as a focus character he sucked big time. Although to be fair; he was the least at fault in BBB. Bubbeo & Juliet was his best moment. Fenton/Gizmo Duck was not as good as I thought he was as he was written badly in some episodes; but he got a lot better as time went on; until they effectively buried him in New Gizmo Kids On The Block. He is just not awesome without the suit. The big disappointment was the nephews: Oh god; I never thought that they would slowly turn into Quack Pack nephews; but they were heading in that direction with the epitome being the Plan B which will likely become a running joke in my rants in the future on par with the rejected Rhinokey jokes and the Larson & Gary jokes. Dijon was great as long as you forgot that he's a racist stereotype and he got to play babyface redeemer in the end so it was worth it.
Still; thanks in large part to the nephews; the exceptionalism of Ducktales ended with Bubba's Big Brainstorm and Ducktales became persona non grata soon after. It also didn't help when Rescue Rangers arrived and looked awfully cheap in places (in spite the high budgets Disney spent during that time) making 1989 a somewhat down year for DTVA. So much so that Eisner and company tried to downplay the cheapness of both the later seasons of Ducktales and Rescue Rangers by mocking Bugs Bunny instead of helping their upcoming series in 1990 TaleSpin get over as the "Disney On Free Television" which in my view blew Tiny Toons out of the water due to it's own merits. And it almost cost Disney big time and turned Warner Brothers from a cinema junkie to a serious television contender within two years. The legacy of Ducktales is a double edged sword. On the one hand; it made Disney into a serious contender and saved animation on television. It sent a message to every television animation production that the days of "Toy selling over quality", heavy moralizing without context and crappy animation mistakes was pretty much over and that kids were not the morons adults think they are. On the other hand; it was labeled a disgrace by many Carl Bark's fans since it was a "expanded audience" show and thus was watering down the legacies of Carl Bark's and Don Rosa's work in which the later is funnier since Don Rosa didn't like Ducktales; but did like working for TaleSpin which was pegged as a Ducktales wannabe and a disgrace to the Jungle Book. Plus TaleSpin struck a mortal blow towards Disney Feature because what was the point of doing a Disney movie in theaters when you could do it on television for free? Made worse by the fact that TaleSpin's toy sales were crappy. I personally feel that Ducktales was the babyface in this fight because it's purpose was to entertain the masses and it delivered in spades. Ducktales is more remembered as a whole from the public than the Carl Bark's comics was in spite of it's vocal fanbase. Similar to people thinking that TaleSpin was better than the Disney version of the Jungle Book, and the cult following Rescue Rangers and even Gargoyles got too. Like it or not; Ducktales did it's job in making the television division become a serious entertaining force like Feature was before it.
Ducktales unlike TaleSpin is easier to rant on because you know what you are going to get. I don't get the mixed emotion baggage TaleSpin has and in many cases; Ducktales is better in that respect because it's easier to rant on without missing much. TaleSpin is much easier to watch than to rant on it. So after Easter Sadism and the Father's Day special; we will proceed with the final major jewel in the 1985-1992 era which is Darkwing Duck which has 37 episodes left and that will end 2012. In 2013; it's Gargoyles and any other shows I can find including Kim Possible, Recess, Goof Troop and Phineas & Ferb. If I can find some DVD's I might even rant on Winnie The Pooh and finish up the first seven years. However; that starts in the summer of 2012. I have four episodes left to do: Three episodes of Quack Pack for Easter Sadism and Goofy In Soccermania for Father's Day. So.....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time with Easter Sadism and Quack Pack again. God have mercy on the Quack Pack nephews because I certainly won't show any!