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Darkly Dawns The Duck Part One

Reviewed: 03/12/2007

The PILOT OF SILLINESS starts here!

Well; it was about time that I started doing rants on other Disney Television Animation series' and I decided to rant on the exact opposite of what TaleSpin was all about: Darkwing Duck. Ducktales, Gummi Bears and Rescue Rangers are similar to TaleSpin and I wanted to rant on something that was a bit different. Darkwing Duck is a comedy series which is a cross between Batman and Tiny Toon Adventures. The conceptual producer for Darkwing is Tad Stones who is as good as Jymn Magon is when it comes to leadership; but did a better job at goofball comedy and therefore got more cracks as conceptual producer with Aladdin, Hercules and Buzz Lightyear a few years after this and Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers a few years before this. Darkwing Duck was from a concept standpoint a wonderful series with colorful characters both heel and babyface and when the execution was on; there were few animated series that could surpass it. Darkwing Duck has certainly aged better than Tiny Toons. However; the execution at times left a little bit to be desired as this show didn't have the constant flow of good/great episodes that TaleSpin had. And that execution might have been indirectly responsible for the downward spiral that Goof Troop and Bonkers suffered during their runs (although Robert Taylor's own leadership was something that left something to be desired too.)

Anyhow; this first rant is the origin story of Darkwing Duck. I should note that while I have watched Darkwing Duck a lot during my childhood days; it's been officially a long time since I have dissected the episodes in any meaningful way. I also have not been on websites concerning information on Darkwing Duck so I'm not going to get into what was released on ABC television or if they were on syndication nor am I going to get into television air order either. I'm not in the mood to do that research since I'm already behind the eight ball when it comes to working on these rants. I'll rant the episodes as I see them on the DVD. Some the jokes that I used in TaleSpin do apply here (The MIMI JOKE ZONE is in effect for example); but I'm sure that I can make some more as I go along. There will be no Over list; since I'm not in the mood to do one. I do remember a few things about this two part pilot is that none of the major heels were in this pilot which was a major first for a Disney Television Animation series (Winnie The Pooh doesn't count since there are no real heels in that show.). It also has the fewest main characters starring in the pilot as well with a record low three main characters appearing (Darkwing Duck, Gosalyn Waddlemeyer and Launchpad McQuack). Also; Launchpad became the first DTVA character to return to a new series which gave creditability to the theory that Darkwing Duck and Ducktales are in the same world. It's still different from the TaleSpin world though. So; can Disney continue producing the best pilots in television animation? Let's rant...(I glad I can say that now after more than a year of seclusion and fanfic writing.)

One Final Note: This is the first rant that I'm doing using OpenOffice software and it works like a charm with HTML; giving me WYSIWYG without the slowdown that Eversoft suffered. It's awesome with new documents; but it's harsh with the old documents I use since the formatting is shot up all to hell. I'm still using Microsoft Wordpad and Notepad for the old documents and webpages (since OpenOffice changes the commands once it's formatted into OpenOffice format.) while I'll use OpenOffice for the new documents and webpages like this page. It's a lot easier this way. No more entering <P> and </P> every time to create a new paragraph.

The entire pilot is written and story edited by Tad Stones. Well; that makes it so easy to talk about now doesn't it?! Also of note is that Disney Animation Japan and Disney Animation OZ did the animation for this series. I know that WD-Japan is beautiful; but this is my first trek into works from WD-OZ and I'm going to enjoy it early because it's the first episode that I'm going to rant.

Opening Moment #1: Remember an innocent time when instead of seeing characters pants falling down and ultra hyper moments like Fang destroying an innocent flower; we see Darkwing Duck being nailed by the rolling pin, Darkwing playing air guitar and Gosalyn running into a room and bouncing on Drake's poor midsection? Don't forget the use of actual bombs and it was all shown with actual good music and good singers who can tell a story without sounding so contrived. Call me cynical if you like; but some things just wouldn't be possible without the FCC. You have been warned.

Interesting Note #2: This is based off the syndication version of the two part episode; however, I will not be explaining cuts here since I haven't seen the original two part pilot to reference them.

It all begins at nightfall in THE CITY OF TOWNS....Oh wait; wrong joke. THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD! All right; there is the first religious reference of the show right there. That's also another reference Nintendo used to cut out of third party games during the disruption days of old. Okay; back to the rant as we head to the overflow shots of the city where Darkwing Duck does a voice over on the city which is pretty bland. Of course; the first part of the two part pilot was cut out due to time reasons so it just looks silly. I was expecting a grand build like TaleSpin did with Cape Suzette. Then again; this is a comedy series and dramatic elements are not the top dog in this series. We see Darkwing Duck (Jim Cummings- Don Karnage and Louie from TaleSpin, Pete from Goof Troop, Monteray Jack from Rescue Rangers and Bonkers from Bonkers of course)) throwing a bunch of criminals into the police station straight into a jailcell. That cycle is one powerful motor vehicle. Someone needs to inspect it. Darkwing steps onto the criminals and they refuse to sell (Geez; even the animators think Darkwing Duck is too much of an idoit to bother with something as simple as selling.) as Darkwing gives the police officer his picture which WD-OZ screws up badly (This is your first episode on my rants and they screw up thirty seconds in?!) while gloating at his catch and telling the officer to give him all the public attention he so rightly deserves. And of course as Darkwing Duck opens the door; he hears NOTHING! AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Okay; he does hear the ultra-cliche cricket chripping though. Okay; that one made me laugh.

Darkwing Duck decides to protest this outrage that the PRESS OF FRAUD would ignore him. Maybe they are ignoring you because your fashion sense is equal to a gay Zorro (the lighthearted kind; not the homosexual kind). He calls the press a bunch of gluttons too. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. He also complains about his cleaning. I'm sure I would if DAVE THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS was doing it too Drake. Oh well; at least your Darkwing Duck Motorcycle is cool, in a kids cartoon sort of way. Darkwing drive away (while taking a decent bump in the process in order to redeem WD-OZ.) as morning shines brightly and the motorcycle drives up the arm of a suspension bridge towards his hideout I bet. He drives into a open section of pillar inside the suspension bridge and then flips upside down and then falls a bit then falls right-side up and makes a perfect three point MAN-SIZED BUMP while the bike takes absolutely no damage whatsoever. SOMEONE FIRE THAT BIKE!! I am back in mid season form now kiddies! Learn to love it. Darkwing gloats over his victory over crime which is like gloating over being able to eat an egg sandwich. Speaking of eggs; it's time for breakfast and a trademark spot of WD-OZ appears as Darkwing Duck's webbed feet look kind of weird.

Get use to it; WD-OZ is going to be around for this series for a long time. Anyhow; Darkwing goes into the breakfast area (which looks medieval for some reason and hits the egg timer to start the race! Okay; this is getting to be a bit overkill here. Darkwing takes a plate to the mouth and spit it out which is more disturbing then I think Tad Stones had intended it to be. More speed as a cupboard opens and it throws the BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS into a machine gun (?!?) and it fires right into Darkwing Duck's bowl perfectly. Yeah; this is becoming overkill even for me. Darkwing Duck run past the fridge and it opens with contains a rifle (?!!) and it shoots two eggs (!!). I guess that's the egg on his face after the PRESS OF FRAUD gave him no respect. Darkwing grabs the frying pan (It's not for what you think you sick freaks!!) and the eggs crack and land into the fry pan. Darkwing Duck heats the frypan and it gets way too hot and burns his hands. Next time; use a fry pan with a plastic handle you DOOFUS!

The toaster pops out the two pieces of toasts while Darkwing Duck fires his gas gun which contains butter (thank goodness this goofball is physically active or I'd be bringing out all the Baloo jokes with it). Darkwing Duck slides the plate onto the table and the toast lands complete with butter. He's got some good wrist motion on that arm as a cannon fires from above the counter which contains the grapefruit. Well; there's one good thing about Darkwing that I like; but this is getting overkill and I'm not laughing at ANY of it...and we end the whole thing with the slingshot carrying oranges and Darkwing Duck jumps up to squeeze them into orange juice which lands perfectly into the glass. Memo to Duck (I don't care who): Oranges served as is are better for you. Darkwing goes to his seat (while bumping like a goof) and nails the TIMER OF DOOM to end the crazy session that did NOTHING to give him heat. He gloats over the victory since he set a new world's record that I don't care about breaking and then he forgets the milk. And he's done for as the fridge springs up and nearly kills Darkwing Duck with it.

Okay; that was pretty funny and a good spot where Darkwing looks like a goof while he's pouring milk onto the breakfast of champions. Darkwing of course gets away from the fridge and decides to skip breakfast. Not a good idea in this obese world and admits that he makes a mistake here and there. Please end this scene so I can go to the next paragraph as Darkwing goes behind the HOLLYWOOD CURTAIN OF DEATH because seeing an anthro duck change is still wrong in 1990. Funny how that works since Baloo was allowed to strip right in front of Kit in Vowel Play. Darkwing Duck changes to a nightgown which makes him an even bigger goof than Baloo does and he goes upstairs to lie in his bed wondering if he'll ever get a “big time” case. Geez; that's like asking for death. Don't worry; you'll get that chance at some point Drake.

Meanwhile; inside a prison as a bull (voiced by Tim Curry) is wondering why Hammerhead (a goat voiced by Hal Rayle I believe) and his goons are questioning his plans. Hammerhead sells with fear and I say that anyone who sells to the main villian to this story deserves to get cut from this show at once; let alone from Tourus Bullba. See; TB wants to steal a powerful weapon called the Ram Rod from a train; but Hammerhead wants to steal it when the train stops for some unknown reason. Tad Stones didn't bother to give one. TB blows that one off as he's the only one who thinks his plans through. After all; if you're a MONSTER HEEL; you want to be gentle so that you don't set off those guards, tanks, jeeps and guns. Nice red background during the rant too WD-OZ. Hammerhead agrees and decides to blame the other two goofballs by squashing their heads together. The sum produces a bonk sound effect which I'm shocked that TaleSpin didn't use. Of course; Dumptruck's a lot dumber than Hammerhead; so that's probably why.

TB calls himself the brains of the operation which is a first for Disney since the big fat guy is usually the brawn stereotype. Kudos to Tad for pushing the envelope. While I like Don Karnage's rant better than TB's; TB does one up Don Karnage by choking Hammerhead while calling him a stooge. TB talks about a certain Waddlemeyer who happens to be dead (death in a Disney cartoon? Since when? That's implied sarcasm) and that this is the first time the Ram Rod has been moved. Geez; I wonder why? TB goes towards the vulture and shows more kindness to it then anyone else in this story. I guess it was a good little boy today because the other two goons (one is a donkey I believe) scatter and hide like timid little bunnies. They should have one of the furries as a bunny, just to make the irony complete. Then the alert sound beckons and everything is put on hold as one of TB's personal assistants who just happens to be female claims that the warden's coming.

TB orders Hammerhead and his goons to get the Ram Rod and not come back as he pushes the red button (Not that again!) and the goon squad fall from a trap door beneath their feet. Everything changes next as the walls becomes a prison cell, the assistant falls into a trapdoor herself and TB changes to a prison uniform which looks like it has been modernized. Geez; I could barely tell the difference until that sequence occurred. I guess it was what TB was wearing that changed my mind about where we were. Anyhow; the warden arrives (who looks sleazy for some reason) asks Tarus Bullba how he feels inside a prison cell and TB states that he's enjoying it and it fits it's business needs. The warden gets suspicious as I'm not happy with that first logic break of the series. That was a pretty bad mistake on the writers part there.

Interesting Moment #1: I like the scene changer in this one. Pretty black slug there.

We head into nightfall again as Darkwing Duck voice over commences as we head to the bridge (I think) as Darkwing Duck sits in a love seat with the binoculars searching for crime. Everyone knows that binoculars equal great episode in TaleSpin so let's see if Darkwing Duck can continue the streak. The vulture that TB was talking to is carrying the CHEST OF DEMONS as Darkwing blabbers on about himself and his never ending search for criminal to bring to the police. Excuse me Drake; I just saw one right there. He figures that one quickly though to get back into my good graces as he declares that this is a job for Darkwing Duck. Because the police in this town are really stupid...I think. Darkwing Duck does the awesome leap that we see in the opening title sequence which is really good. He falls through another trap door which opens up (the third one in the episode already. This is becoming like the snap the rope spot TaleSpin loves to do.) and lands on his cool motorcycle. Darkwing Duck drives away and catches some air as he lands on the arm rope of the suspension bridge and lands on the road safely. He finds the vulture on his drives after about ten seconds which is Logic break #2.

Get use to it since Darkwing Duck is known for having very loose plotting. Darkwing Duck follows the bird as we head to the next scene as a train is on the train tracks (complete with whistle and spotlight just to annoy me.) and a shovel protrudes out of the ground right in the middle of the tracks in front of the train as Hammerhead pops out of it (I take it back. He's dumber than Dumptruck is now.) and of course he looks into the direction of the train coming towards him and screams...badly...while doing the cliché scary face to boot as he duck underneath the tracks to allow the train to pass. Now I can understand why he doesn't want to do the plan this way. Hammerhead then takes the GRAPPLING HOOK OF BANE TO ALL ACTION SHOWS EVERYWHERE and hooks it onto the undercarriage of the train and his goons follow him as they move along with the train. Of course; they take some of the silliest bumps against the tracks. Never mind that they would be sliced and diced if this was done in real life; but this is comedy BABY!! We then see two army guards guarding a car and then they hear sawing going on. Now you would think that these guards would simply move into the car and wait for the interlopers to enter from the hole; but they are too stupid to do that.

Which actually makes sense since if they were going to protect something; the last material I would use as a car is wood since a saw can easily chop it to pieces. So I guess this is simply the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT working it's magic. They fall and not only get tied up; but lose their clothing too. This is turning into Final Fantasy VI Locke style. HAHA! The train keeps going as the goons laugh it up. The donkey's laugh is so bad that it's actually funny. Of course they want approval from Hammerhead and Hammerhead no sells like he should. He orders those goon goofs in uniforms and having real guns to boot to keep a watch which is probably so out of touch with them that Darkwing Duck would easily win. So Hammerhead looks at the lock and uses his horns to pry the security bar open. I take it back; he's smarter than Dumptruck now. Hammerhead enters the door and we see the Ram Rod which is simply a laser gun. I was hoping that it had a Ram horns for a head and had special powers that would crumble buildings to dust; but that seems too realistic even for Disney. Hammerhead calls it a pea shooter. History just repeats itself: STOP SAYING THAT! You're giving bad ideas to Dragon Ball Z dubbers. I know it's about 15 years too late; but I cannot help that!

He then goes up to the top of the car and wants that stupid vulture (his words, not mine) and he is punished by taking the CHEST OF DEMONS to the head. Why is every spot that is funny a physical comedy spot so far? Where are the funny verbal jokes? If you're going to be a comedy series; at least deliver on that front. Otherwise; this series is a weak sister to TaleSpin (I'm sure Kooshmiester enjoyed that line since he hates Darkwing Duck, except for this episode or any episode involving TB; which is only three episodes tops including the first two here.) The vulture is also carrying a portable television which I suspect it will be used by Tarous just to annoy Hammerhead and amuse me and before Hammerhead can turn that vulture into chicken; TB's voice beckons and Hammerhead is screwed. He and TB exchange the usual villain comments about securing stuff and they proceed to the next spot which is Hammerhead pushing the CHEST OF DEMONS a bit before it opens by itself to reveal the wackiest engine I have ever seen since Mach One For The Gipper. TB does his EVIL LAUGH OF DOOM which just sounds lame. That's one of the few things he doesn't do very well; which Don Karnage does better.

Meanwhile; we see Darkwing Duck coming OUT OF NOWHERE as he bumps around (better bumps than Hammerhead took I should note.) like a goof before entering into the mail room car of the train (because no train in the 1990's is complete without a mail room.) Darkwing Duck tells the dogs person (the first one of the series almost eight minutes in.) mail man to step aside and let him take care of business. However; the mail man forbids it since the project is top-secret. Darkwing Duck blows it off stating that he's here to stop a criminal vulture and looks at the other door and then closes it and hides. He looks through the keyhole and realizes that those two army guards are really Hoof (the dog furry) and Mouth (the donkey furry) and they work for Tarus Bullba. Oh great! Now we know who started all those incidents with the beef for all those years. That really annoys me now as Darkwing sees this as the big time criminal case that he's been looking for. I guess repeating the same plotline from Plunder and Lightning is considered a big time criminal case. He's loving this now as the Hoof and Mouth swing their guns in such a dangerous fashion and then the VOICEOVER OF DOOM starts for the first time in the series at 8:01:

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the switch that derails your train! I am Darkwing Duck!

That is just awesome; although the first time was a bit lame. Don't worry; some really funny ones will commence soon enough. Sadly; he gets shot at point blank range with the rifles. It's only about 0.1 Trigun though and don't expect this to happen too often. Hoof sezs dead five times bringing the number of references to death to six. Sadly; Darkwing gets up from behind (How does that work?!) and he bonks them on the hand. That was pretty lame as he strips them of their straps and twirls them around in a pretty cute spot. The mail man finds his camera and claims that he's going to get a good description of the villains to the police. However; Darkwing Duck sees him with it when the mailman exits the car and he cannot resist a photo-op. This is just peachy and I'm glad he stopped doing this spot after this two part pilot too (no, not really, but he did tone it down somewhat). Although fame to his head didn't die with it sadly. He assaults the mail man while telling him how to do it properly. That's a no-no Drake!

More photograph spots that just aren't that funny commence as he pushes the mailman back into his car and tells him to put it into the newspapers. And that he needs one too. Ultimate inflated ego that makes Baloo look like he's humble. However; Hammerhead actually shows some brains as he comes out and nail Darkwing Duck from behind in a nasty bump as the first cartoon spot commences that Darkwing's hat matches his feet. Funny spot as Darkwing grumbles after being such a egomaniac. Hammerhead insults him with the lamest line I've ever heard so far and pops the cork which causes the car to separate from the train. Darkwing Duck is too dumb to quit so he fires the gas gun (which contains the grappling gun, a mainstay leftover from Plunder and Lightning) to hook onto the other car. Sadly; he hooked the hook onto the engine and that causes Darkwing Duck to capture a wild ride as TB is not impressed with this guy's appearance and order Tantalus (the vulture, not the videog ame developer) to attack him. Darkwing is screaming as Tantalus snaps the rope (NOT THAT SPOT...Oh wait; wrong show.) and Darkwing free falls while screaming...badly...

....As we head to an airfield where Darkwing crashes into a hanger and takes the cartoon MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON (See Destiny Rides Again for that spot since it's the same one.). Darkwing continues to act like a smoker who doesn't get it. However; he takes the Baloo Kitpedo Spot (Plunder and Lightning Part One. What is with these repeated spot in there without much context?) from Launchpad McQuack (Terrence McGovern; same as Ducktales DUH!) of all furry ducks! Okay; this ought to be good since Launchpad was a really funny character in Ducktales and he should be able to put Darkwing Duck over. I think. Launchpad mocks Darkwing Duck (unintentionally of course) which is good because he had that coming to him as Darkwing Duck does the Molly in the tire spot which is not as good as when Molly does it. For an amazing writer Tad sure takes a lot from Mark Zaslove. Of course; he falls into the hole Darkwing Duck makes like the idiot that he is and that was pretty cute. Darkwing Duck tries to defend himself because he's not a thief. Unless it is the spotlight of course which he can have for all I care.

Launchpad takes the wheel off Darkwing's face and admit that he is really Darkwing Duck's fan. So that explains why he's such a risk taker. It's all very clear to me now. I guess this took place BEFORE Ducktales which of course lends creditability that the Ducktales genocide angle of furries was true. Not that I believe that sort of thing; but..I'll at least entertain it to stop all those fanboys who thinks ducks rule when only Carl Barks and Don Rosa's ducks ruled the world. Don't forget! TaleSpin rules the world! Okay; back to the rant as Darkwing Duck sees the red baron plane left over from Ducktales and demands that Launchpad fly that one. Launchpad wants to show him another plane; but Darkwing has EVILDOERS to kill (my words; not his). He even throws in an autograph and that's enough for Launchpad to hop into the back. He's just too easy to please as the plane is turned on and it of course goes backward, just because of the awesome force that Launchpad brings to the table. Launchpad also wants to be Darkwing Duck's sidekick too. Geez; Launchpad has no life if that's his one long term goal in life.

Darkwing Duck reminds him of the right way to fly (gently if heaven forbid Launchpad tried to cannonball him again) and Launchpad sells it by twirling the plane around and we return to action. We continue on as the engine is carrying the train car up into the sky and I suspect that a dogfight is about to commence. I thought that we wouldn't use TaleSpin spots in this show? And I'm not about to be amused as the RED BARON PLANE OF DEATH is above the train car and Tantalus. Darkwing asks Launchpad to take them down. Why is Launchpad in the backseat? Shouldn't he be in the front seat to drive a plane? Logic break #3 for the episode already. TaleSpin was tighter than this; but this isn't unexpected. I just wish it wasn't Tad Stones doing it. Anyhow; Launchpad sells and the nosedive commences much to the fear of Darkwing Duck! TB notices this and orders Tantalus to attack again. Darkwing Duck ponders his next move as Tantalus grabs him and flies him out of the plane. Darkwing Duck is ticked off now and the urge to kill is rising. However he talks way too much and Tantalus lets go of him; presumably because Darkwing Duck is becoming a pain in the rear right now. Darkwing Duck starts to scream as he free falls once again (where begging for mercy which is pointless.) to end the segment at 11:44.

After the commercial break (It might be a DVD; but those slugs do work wonders) as Darkwing Duck continues to free fall and scream...Badly. As the plane flies around and Launchpad is forced to save him while doing some excellent loops around. Maybe WD-OZ should have done the flight sequences in TaleSpin since they seem very capable of doing it well. Darkwing manages to grab onto the wheels of the plane as Tantalus is not amused at these turn of events so he's forced to return to attack as Darkwing hates the DW pet name. It's better than Becky so shut up Drake! Launchpad's plane goes into a tailspin (BWHAHA- wrong show again!) and so does Tantalus as they do some funny airplane spots to amuse me while flying into trees (Guess who takes the bumps here) and crash into a house with screaming that is so lame that if Lance Storm saw..Ah forget it! That joke is dead a long time ago. Darkwing Duck shows the BRA OF DOOM which would have been funny if Darkwing Duck had male breasts to match. However; he is flat chested; so the joke doesn't work. NOW HE SCREAMS AT LP!

I should note that it took 12 minutes for Darkwing Duck to cause damage to something and I expect that to happen in every episode from here on. And you thought Baloo was a business wrecker. Anyhow; the whole scene ends as the plane finally crashes into a light pole. Okay; that was awfully lame as Tantalus decides that they are dead and he returns to the train. We return to see Darkwing Duck and Launchpad on a lamp pole with Launchpad looking awfully silly just to amuse me. Darkwing is upset that they got away and Launchpad wants to know what they will do next. Darkwing Duck blows him off harshly because he works alone and that singing cowboys have sidekicks. So he does admit that Kit was NEVER a sidekick in TaleSpin!! Yippeee! I'm sure Ted is very proud of that. Launchpad pleads for the job as sidekick by hanging onto his leg like a leech. I love it when Launchpad begs; it's just like him. Even more so since Darkwing Duck is his biggest and only fan that I'm aware of. Darkwing Duck gets his leg out of his grasp and doesn't want to see him again. Launchpad decides to mellow out and tries the crank call defense (Do you want my phone number?); but Darkwing grumbles on that one. Funny stuff.

We return to prison as Tarus Bullba walks along the halls of prison with a cart full of clothes as we see the Ram Rod which is in clear sight despite all the clothes around it. Like anyone would be fooled that it was a washing machine too. Logic Break #4 for the episode and it's made worse as the warden appears OUT OF NOWHERE just to mock TB as TB just enjoys himself. That warden is ULTRA-STUPID and I hope he gets fired for not noticing the MOST OBVIOUS DEATH WEAPON IS IN HIS PRISON! He leaves laughing which makes him even dumber now. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth were hiding in the cart of clothes in case you were wondering as they pop out and want to pop the warden for being really dumb and I want them to as well. However; TB calls him an annoyance and nothing to worry about as he talks about the Ram Rod.

Hoof calls it beautiful and his acting is horrible in that sequence. Hammerhead wants to rob some banks now; but TB grabs him by the collar and blows him off because it needs the arming code. See; the arming code was the brainchild of Professor Waddlemeyer and someone arranged an accident to kill the Professor and TB is referencing Hammerhead as the murderer. Since murder is no longer allowed due to Rebecca's potty mouth; Hammerhead is reducing to bonking Hoof for his evil deed. TB wants Hammerhead to go to the Saint Canard orphanage to kidnap his granddaughter since she was raised in the lab. She probably knows the codes too and then once he succeeds in tormenting the child long enough to give him the code and then have Hammerhead kill her by arranging about accident...and Hammerhead must get it right or he'll suffer an accident of his own (my words, not his!). Hammerhead sells as he gets a picture of Professor Waddlemeyer with Gosalyn Waddlemeyer sitting on his lap. He's got the goofy glasses and is really fat. I think the fat did him in personally; but what do I know. Hammerhead murdered him which isn't really a first for Disney since killing and death are in almost every Walt Disney movie in existence.

Interesting Moment#2: Notice that Gosalyn is barefoot in the picture. I note this because if anyone knows the series; Gosalyn wears shoes and socks about 85-90% of the time through out the series. This is not an animation mistake; she probably was barefoot when the picture was taken. Why should I care? Let's move on and forget about it.

We head to the Saint Canard Orphanage office as Hammerhead is talking to the Head Mistress who is another duck furry who shows her the picture and talks about being a relative of the family. The Head Mistress sees a grape jelly stain which Hammerhead buys off as a tear drop. Oh boy! Now I understand why Kit left whatever orphanage he went through and I suggest that Gos does the same as well. The Head Mistress sells it as Hammerhead wonders where Gos is. The Head Mistress proclaims that she is outside playing roller hockey and she PANICS as she sees a puck fly into the window and Hammerhead takes it right in the chops like a good goon should and falls down as he see little Tantalus flying around his head. Funny stuff as Gos (a red haired duck furry not unlike Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables) enter the scene on roller blades, a blue sweater and a hockey stick.

Interesting Moment #3: I should note something about Gosalyn Waddlemeyer: I know that a lot of people love to compare her to Kit Cloudkicker. While Kit Cloudkicker and Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard are awesome child characters and they make any child character before and after look like cookie cutouts (even Bart and Lisa Simpson for that matter); she and Kit have really only two things in common: They're both orphans and they both have FATAL FLAWS that make them so cool to watch. Otherwise; they are 100% different. Gos shows a lot less restraint than Kit does in this two part pilot compared to Kit in Plunder and Lightning and unlike Kit, she shows even less restraint after this two part pilot. Does that make Kit better than Gos? From a moral standpoint absolutely. From an entertainment standpoint, NO! They stand on their own merits and they are monster over. It depends on your morality of what a child should be. If you like risks and a slight heelish personality; Gosalyn is the best at them. If you like the babyface who doesn't like hypocritical adults and knows when to take a foolish risk and when to exercise restraint then Kit is the better character in that respect. Now that we got that out of the way; let's continue on with the rant...

Gosalyn kills some innocent papers while shooting the puck from the window and manages to get it past the pillow protecting goaltender for the easy goal. Sadly; no blow horn to make the whole hockey thing self-parody. Gos tries to celebrate; but the Head Mistress grabs her before it can get anymore messy (BOO HISS!) and she's mad. Gosalyn tries to tough talk her way out of this one. Okay; there are three things she has in common with Kit. I'm sorry; I sometimes screw things up on that. Her defense is absolutely funny which the Head Mistress doesn't buy as she slams Gosalyn into the chair. Geez; that was harsh. The Head Mistress calls Hammerhead Mr. Harrington which is really a dumb move. If you're going to fake a name; use one that doesn't sound like it can be constructed into your original name. Hammerhead shows her the picture and she actually buys into it after Hammerhead wants to talk old times with Gosalyn. Gosalyn sells it like she wants to play on the roller-coaster and almost bowls Hammerhead over. The Head Mistress decides to allow it as long as they stay within the orphanage ground limits. She goes over to the intercom and calls for Eugene. Oh boy! It better not be that WWE goofball because if it is then she deserves to have Gosalyn kidnapped and fired for falling for Gosalyn's awesome talking.

Hammerhead and Gosalyn walk right outside of the orphanage and I suspect that the order will be broken about now since we are about five minutes away from the finish. Gosalyn explains that Mom and Dad had died which makes her the second child character in history to say the word die (Kit said it twice in War of the Weirds); although the first in a dramatic sense. Although Kit would have probably said that if he knew that his parents died and Molly almost said it herself in a comic. I mean if Kit's parent's abandoned him then that would really be taboo for Disney. That's also death reference number seven. Sadly; she doesn't say that her Grandpa had died either to make it number two for her like Kit did. Gosalyn does the hopscotch spot to amuse me some more; but her real awesomeness hasn't been untapped yet. Give it time; she'll get really over.

No one can do it like Kit and I'm not going to pressure into trying to do so. Gosalyn then starts laying down the law on Hammerhead just as I said the last statement and the awesomeness has begun as she proclaims that she's got spirit. She somehow manages to say that without making it sound so contrived. Then again; she doesn't say it often enough to become annoying; like Yugi saying the “Heart of The Cards” in Yu-Gi-Oh! Dozens of times per episode. She's not a problem child either! Oh; I don't know about that. Wait until the action really heats up. She goes into her sad state which makes Hammerhead cry while I laugh because we all know that Hammerhead is faking it. This is just awesome now. Sadly; Gosalyn is baited into the trap as she realizes that she is on the other side of the orphanage grounds. That's enough for Hammerhead to spring the trap to reveal Hoof and Mouth (UGH!) and they corner Gosalyn. Let the fun commence as the segment ends almost 17 minutes in. Now this episode is turning around.

After the commercial break; the goon squad corner Gosalyn (voice of Christine Cavanaugh in her first major voice talent role, voice of Chucky from Rugrats) and they want her to come to see TB. Gosalyn blows it off and grabs the roller blades so she whacks Hammerhead in the mouth with it and that destroys his teeth. OUCH! She then run past the goon squad (Oh man! They do suck badly!) and declares that no one kidnaps her. And just as she sezs that; Darkwing Duck appears OUT OF NOWHERE in his BATCYCLE OF DEATH kidnaps her! Wheee!! That is just disrespect as Gosalyn punches him in the midsection and pulls down his hat thus doing both Kit Cloudkicker sports from Idol Rich with Baloo and Plunder and Lightning Part Two with Molly. I guess Tad Stones was cribbing ideas from Jymn Magon after all. Not that I care anymore since Darkwing Duck's spotlight stealing deserves a well place kick in the groin.

Sadly; she cannot give on a Disney show so she's screwed. But she does give another punch to the gut after Darkwing Duck tries to defend himself. Well; you did basically kidnap her Drake so she's got the right of way on this issue. And as the motor cycle continues to ride around the shooting begins as Hammerhand, Hoof and Mouth are chasing them from an orange car. Now that's a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one. It's up to 0.4 Trigun now as Darkwing Duck shows Gos the error of her ways and she is forced to duck as Darkwing Duck has a plan. Time for the MIMI JOKE ZONE to commence at the 17 and a half minute mark as he produces the OIL SLICK OF DEATH and it works! MY GOD IT WORKS! The goons spin around like a car pinball and pretty much out of sight. Sadly; no bump is heard so I suggest that the plan is going to backfire.

Gosalyn Gets In Catchphrase #1: Keen Gear!

Get use to it! She's going to see that a lot. That's one thing Kit never had and I'm personally glad for it. Leave the catchphrases to Darkwing Duck! Gosalyn is now in the mini-passenger side and she starts to get those Molly moronic levels clicking as she touches a button even though no button exists. Animation Mistake #1 and Logic Break #5 for the episode as the result causes Darkwing Duck to bounce right out of his chair due to the springing chair. Okay; that was a cool spot as we see Launchpad pedaling a bike and very tired. That's probably from not exercising enough as he still wants to show that he's an awesome sidekick. I agree with him but DARKWING DUCK is more stubborn than Kit is right now. Of course he see Darkwing Duck looking like a lawn dart in the horizontal position. Since he's supposed to be bouncing up; shouldn't he be in the vertical position. That's Logic break #6.The only reason I'm accepting these logic breaks more is because it is a comedy show and therefore loose plotting is more accepted to get the joke. However; I'm getting to my limit in patience here Tad!

Darkwing Duck lands in his seat safely and continues to ride as Launchpad is gaining on him. And as I expected; the orange car is back in service behind Launchpad and it's shooting to kill apparently. Darkwing Duck decides that the orphanage isn't safe; so he'll go to the police station. That would have been a smart move if you didn't basically KIDNAP HER in the first place. And of course there is a roadblock with police officers shooting at the motorcycle to kill. No wonder Kit didn't trust many adults after that spot. It's now up to 0.7 Trigun. Trust me; you'll rarely see this much gun play in this series compared to TaleSpin. Darkwing Duck is forced to scatter along with Launchpad as Gosalyn blows him off for ever suggesting the police as a helper. Launchpad is now on Darkwing's bad side as he wants answers to why the police are so mad as Darkwing claims he didn't do anything. UH OH! He goes to the newspaper and realizes that he now stands accused of robbing the train from earlier in the episode. Either that mailman is stupid or he's a genius. I cannot tell which and Darkwing cannot understand why; but he of course is too focused on being popular. Want to know why being popular is a bad idea? Watch this two part pilot.

Sadly; Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth are chasing them with the BIG GUN OF DEATH now. Darkwing does the turn around and now heels and babyfaces alike are chasing Darkwing Duck. Drake is really in trouble so it's time for drastic action. Okay; that line he said isn't completely cliché; but it's still lame. He asks about holding breath and he going to dive into the harbor of Saint Canard to escape. That's his plan?! I was hoping for Gosalyn to say: I'll just swim home! But she sadly doesn't as Launchpad and Darkwing take the big dive of doom into the harbor (Launchpad get death reference number eight.) which throws the entire police squad which made it BEFORE Hammerhead did. That's Logic Break #7 although this one is understandable since Hammerhand would have been found if the police entered last. The police get out of their cars just as Launchpad pops out of the water and thinks this is a great idea. However; there's no one in sight to call back on. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth aren't happy about this since TB is going to kill him for this I'm sure.

We head to the suspension bridge while Gosalyn is enjoying herself after that police chase even getting to say bullets in her speech. Not quite as cool as saying OH MY GOD!; but she's getting there. We get to see the Motorcycle going up towards the surface with the elevator while Gosalyn and Darkwing Duck are all wet. Much like Darkwing's future as a good guy in the eyes of the law! Oh yeah; I almost forgot! Darkwing's outfit is so cute that it would be outlawed by the FASHION POLICE OF LAW. I'm almost missed that one. I'm not in midseason form after all. Fiddlesticks! Darkwing Duck explains how he knew about Waddlemeyer and reveals his plan to stop TB. Gosalyn sezs Keen Gear #2 as we head to Darkwing Duck's hideout which just look silly still. Darkwing Duck tries to figure out where Gosalyn would stay and she suggests that she should stay here. Darkwing Duck is againest that because he works alone and teamwork cramps his style. Sadly; he also takes a laser gun beam when he told Gosalyn never to touch anything...and she did. Darkwing Duck goes to the phone book to look for a hotel and said a mean comment which Gosalyn clearly heard.

So she decided to do the old Molly spot in getting what she wants from Plunder and Lightning Part Two by proclaiming that she going to tell everyone where Darkwing Duck is hiding and Darkwing Duck is screwed. I love it when she cribs ideas from Molly and then Kit who recycled the idea after P&L. Darkwing Duck decides that she can stay; much to his disgust. Gosalyn hugs him while we return to prison as Hammerhead begs for mercy while Tarus Bullba grabs him by the mouth and squeezes tightly. Hammerhead tries to blame it on Hoof and Mouth; but no luck either. TB lets him go as he call out Darkwing Duck for being too concerned about his image. He gets in Death Reference #9 (first kill reference in the show by the way) which is still tame compared to Barely Alive which had 17 references. His plan is to draw out the goofball and kidnap the girl again. He calls the female assistant Clovis by the way as TB declares that it is time to kill this facade on the hapless warden (like this facade was ever a good one to begin with). Clovis goes over and pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) as the warden is outside the prison acting like an Englishman in the process.

That's pretty obvious so he doesn't die; even though he deserves to at this point. He wants to gloat over TB again (which makes him even more annoying than Ralph Thorgmorton ever was.) and the rumbling commences. The entire prison crumbles as guards fall out of the watch towers and are pretty much dead..or not. I think some prisoners did escape; but it went way too fast to tell. The rubble reveals an airship which looks like a bull's head similar to Tarus Bullba. Let's just call it the Iron Bullcrud (It doesn't have a name by the way) and get it over with so I can make jokes about it. The guard acts like a stupid moron as usual which pretty fit those goofs after all that buildup! I like Tarus Bullba; but at least the Cape Suzette denizens weren't half as dumb as the warden and his guards here. The Iron Bullcurd flies around as Tarus decides that it is time to meet this Darkwing Duck while making passes at Clovis which are a little bit lame if you ask me and Clovis lack of selling pretty much prove my point here. The Iron Bullcrud is heading downtown to end part one at 21:17 . Pretty good start there in spite of the wonky logic. **** ½ (90%).


The first episode is in the books....and it's pretty much a good episode. The only thing I didn't like was the scene with the warden because it was clear that any smart person could see that Tarus Bullba was hatching a plan from the start and anyone else would have noticed and this episode would be over quickly. Not the smartest of moves by Tad Stones. There were seven logic breaks; however, I'm not going to complain about them as much as I did with TaleSpin since comedy isn't always supposed to make the best of sense. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to notice them however. Walt Disney OZ did a great job with the animation and Gosalyn was awesome as I expected. Not quite the fast start that Kit had; but she is really over now and I'm going to enjoy her the more I see her in later episodes. Overall; a very good start, however, it's basically the same start that TaleSpin did and that's a good thing because Darkwing Duck's premise is going to wear much thinner than TaleSpin did and that's why I will state here and now that TaleSpin would be great with 91 episodes while Darkwing Duck is better at 65 episodes. You'll understand why later on.

However; thumbs up for the first episode in the series. I'll be doing these rants on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. That doesn't mean that I'll do three episodes per week. I'll probably do two episodes a week at the most. I'll see you all next time.

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