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HEY MOM?! THERE'S ANTS IN MY EPISODE!!
I have nothing witty to say about this episode since I don't remember it too much. Except that this is Honker's debut and thank the lord for small favors. So let's just rant and see what we have....
The episode is written by Doug Langdale and the story is edited by Kevin Crosby Hopps. By the way; I'm forced to Fast-forward to the end so I can get the writing credits. Usually; I'm able to get them from my notes but I have none for Darkwing Duck. So there. This is officially the second episode that I've ranted on that has Sun Woo animating. So; this episode is already in trouble.
We starts with the shot of the CITY OF SAINT CANARD once again (for the fourth straight episode; third in darkness) as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons as he took on various criminals including a voodoo zombie. Okay; now there's an episode just waiting to be exploited...Okay, maybe not. Drake is certainly tired since he said a naughty word to describe how tired he is (pooped). Of maybe he is his usual ego trip self. Then Launchpad shows up on the tower edge eating corn chip and complaining about the lack of food on the show. Darkwing blows that off as Launchpad suggests having some burgers. I certainly hope it isn't those steroid burgers from the previous episode because then I would retire from this surreal show. Anyhow; Drake thinks this is a waste of time since LP is eating too much. I think he's eating too little since his body type looks similar to yours Drake. Launchpad gets off the lame excuse of the week (you need to eat to destroy evil) and Drake decides to give up as he follow Launchpad to wherever. However; the flashback returns to haunt me and that causes some mind games on Drake. He must be real tired not to fall for Wii's latest ad campaign. Oh come on; the light was light blue. You knew that joke was coming....
We head to the burger joint as a bulldog furry who might be Colonel Patton's long lost brother from long ago flipping burgers. Gee; that's got to be a fatal blow to the family legacy. From commander of the Usland Air Force to flipping burgers. Okay; I know that the joke doesn't fit because the two shows are in DIFFERENT WORLDS. But I need to amuse myself for the crap that is ahead in this and the next episode. He sees Drake and thinks he's a robber. Well; he did kidnap Gosalyn (basically) in the pilot so who know what evil acts Drake is up to? Drake tells him that he's not a robber; so the cook thinks Drake's a weirdo in a mask which Drake foolishly repeats. Yeah; Drake is THAT dumb. DON'T REPEAT A SPOT. Of course; Drake gives Patton's Son the third degree for making him look stupid. Hey; that's easy with Drake around.
Even Baloo's hard to fool compared to DARKWING...DUCK! Patton's Son wants the order and Launchpad gives it to him; sounding intelligent beyond his years. Did Launchpad grow a brain and we didn't see it in Ducktales? Never mind; it's not a logic break anyway. Patton's Son demands $6.92 which is ULTRA-CHEAP food in 1991. Of course; Launchpad screws Drake by telling him to pay for it in the nicest words possible. Sadly; no out of money spot occurs. Again; I stated before, if you're going to create a joke you got to pay it off. So; they go to Launchpad as he states that his hands are full and don't want to get something on his lucky scarf which clearly shows that Launchpad is dumb again. Then he tries to ask for a burger to go and he gets the SECRET HAPPY HEAL OF DEATH before he can finish what he was going to say. Oh please! There was NOTHING to build to create a joke out of it. Drake calls it fast food; which doesn't make it funny, it just sits there.
Interesting Moment #1: The Opening is one minute on the dot. The first scene is one minute on the dot and the second scene is also one minute on the dot. That's what I call constant pacing. Too bad the jokes suck so far.
We see Drake and Launchpad driving on the motorcycle as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons again. Drake is calling himself the bastion of bravery and bravado. Sorry Drake; Kit Cloudkicker owns that record and you're stealing his heat again. He wants to go to rest which is fine since he's not lazy like Pop-A-Bear is. However; he is dumb though so that is cancelled out. Sadly; Launchpad screams...badly...to wake me up from the dream that this will be over with quickly. The bike spins around in the whirlwind spot and starts pointing the gas gun at nothing of course......
Interesting Moment #2: OH MY GOD! Drake just said Murder outright. Even the subtitles pick it out. He just went one step above Attempted Murder from Rebecca Cunningham! WOW! Maybe Drake is starting to not suck anymore...or he still is.....
...Of course; Launchpad just forgot his scarf at Hungry Hippo's Burger Joint. Okay; I like that pun actually. Drake blows him off and is forced to return to the Hungry Hippo's Burger Joint. They do a sad sequence where Launchpad hangs on and they go down the hill. Which is the same direction this episode is going. Suddenly; they notice that the Hungry Hippo's Burger Joint is now just a hole in the ground. I knew the anti- fat police would appear sooner or later. Launchpad states that business is bad as Drake calls it a crime. Launchpad agrees because that was his favorite place. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake doesn't get the joke (BOO!) and he leaps onto Launchpad's chest and tugs at him. I'm amazed Drake could keep himself on their without him or LP falling down. Super Glue for the Logic Break #1 of the episode. Launchpad believe that the loss means he's going to have to get a new scarf and Drake sells it like a Born Loser. Then Patton's Son appears and hugs LP in a disturbing spot complete with Hanna Barbera Teeth Chattering Sound Effect in tow. Now you know you're watching a classic with HB and Sun Woo in the same episode. Drake wants some answers while getting his ribs crushed. He's clearly not good with lunch either. Patton's Son let's go and Drake takes a wussy bump on the road (What a shock?!) as the hat floats down on his head. Good animation there Sun Woo. The streak of constant pacing is over after three minutes though.
See; Patton's Son went to check on something (probably his history books to whine about his future after disgracing the family.) and then his burger joint was gone. Drake's wants a criminal; but Patton Son's give him none and jumps into the dumpster. I was hoping for it to be unintentionally thrown down a road by Drake; but Drake is more interested in his ego and decides to search for clue with the...wait for it...MAGIC LENS OF LITTLES. Yeah; I made a joke about The Littles so shoot me. This episode is so boring to rant on right now. Drake continues to look like a Doofus as usual when suddenly; the blue Wii beam appears and everything disappears. Including Sony's chances to be number one in the video game industry three cycles in a row. Drake ignores the obvious clue that was in front of him which isn't a logic break because he has an ego that prevents him from making smart decisions. So we go back to Launchpad cleaning out the motorcycle and littering all over the place. He's looking for his burger and Drake is looking for the clue that's under his nose. And of course; the hamburger comes out of the burger wrap by itself which has grown about 75% since we last saw it earlier in the episode. Must be a late term steroid. Drake notices it in front of him as the hovering hamburger bails.
Drake concludes that ants are stealing the burger. Launchpad wants his burger back because he's still too thin to be on this show. Now it's time to have fun with Launchpad playing road skiing. Instead of a rope; we have a burger and some ants. Launchpad is back to his old form and let's hope he stays that way. LP hangs on to the burger as that burger is SO powerful that it doesn't get crushed by the weight of LP's hand. I was going to call Logic Break #2; but then again LP's hands are so light from lack of body weight that it's just fuzzy cartoon logic and it's not a logic break in any sense. LP loses that battle and falls into the passenger side of the motorcycle with his butt. Drake blows him off and gets off the educational line of the episode, heaven forbid if kids go through one split second of not learning something. Although it works in the context of this episode; so it's not PC either. Launchpad blows that off for me as Drake decides not to continue the case since he's getting SLEEEEEEPY! LP wants the burger but Drake wants to go home; calling it trivial. I guess being too thin is too trivial for DARKWING...DUCK! I made a new pun for this series; and it only took four episodes to pull it off.
We now go to an entrance to an alleyway where a truck and a goofy-looking midget duck who is about twice Gosalyn's size and is angry because those ants almost blew his cover. Riiight Suckyputt! You're talking about Mr. Ego Trip who just wants some sleep not Spiderman here. Suckyputt is wearing the ANT COMMUNCATIONS COMISSION HEARGEAR OF FEAR and gives the ants a talking like he's the president of the FCC or something. The ants squeak (Frank Welker's voice I bet) as Suckyputt decides to give them the hamburger back so they can eat it; I guess. He orders the ants onto the truck and they sell bringing the hamburger with them. Suckyputt closes the door of the truck as he gets into the front seat of the truck and starts driving it. Suckyputt is about a foot shorter than needed to hit the brakes; and yet he's successful in doing so...and the ants are in the back sulking so it's officially Logic Break #2 of the episode. Suckyputt feels like he's a kid in a candy store; like a bull in a china shop; like Tommy Dreamer in a weapons match in the ECW arena. The difference: Tommy Dreamer can wreck the joint better than this loser.
He stops and gets out and like all greedy heels; he wants them all. What...we don't know until he invokes the Wii blue beam on the buildings which looks poorly animated and then the ants grab the small buildings and head to the truck. So; this is the shrinking plot device episode also seen in Incredible Shrinking Molly. Well that episode was a complete mess; but this is an early episode so it might have better luck this time. Suckyputt claims this is a beautiful dream. Why is he doing this anyway? I don't see the point here. I guess he's a toy collector and he turns real buildings into toys. I just hope the episode improves because so far; it's nearing the worst TaleSpin episode in history...if Doctor Zvaldo didn't save it in time. It of course ends with Suckyputt taking a building to the foot to demonstrate that it still's bigger than he is. Okay; that at least gives the ants a purpose anyway.
We now go to Drake Mallard's house for the first time in the series and it's a regular house which is good because it doesn't blow his cover as a superhero and odd because I thought Drake's ego would make it like a home from Wacko Jacko. We do a pointless one second time wasting animating sequence of night and day (complete with rooster crowing spot) to create the illusion that Sun Woo is a great animator. It doesn't work; it looked choppy. We head into the living room where Launchpad is sleeping in front of the loveseat while Drake is sleeping on the blue sofa which matches the blue beam. Finally; some good fashion sense from Drake. I was thinking that was a lost cause with him. We then hear Gosalyn screaming fore and let the fun stuff begin as a golf ball manages to miss Launchpad by two inches. Must be off day for poor Gosalyn. I hope not because she and Honker are the only two characters who can save this episode now. And it goes around the coils (How does that work?) and it crashes into a picture frame (shattering the glass and completely missing Drake) and then landing on the lips of his mouth. Now that's a shot!
She's back on her game; I take it all back now. Gosalyn gets onto the edge of the blue sofa as Honker comes in with a golf bag full of club which I suspect he'll be doing the spots that Baloo would give to Kit just to annoy me. On the issue of Honker Muddlefoot; he's the second best child character in Darkwing Duck and fifth best child character in Disney Television Animation (next to Gosalyn, Oscar, Molly and Kit F'N Cloudkicker) as he is a cross between that chicken hawk from the Bugs Bunny Cartoons, a duck with a green shirt similar to Kit's green sweater but with no symbolic patches, with a backpack of books which look like something from Penny of Inspector Gadget and GOOFY GLASSES like Oscar. Sadly; he's also got a middle age woman doing his voice (Kate Leigh) which means this show would get hell from roosnooker86 because apparently woman doing boy's voices equals the death of a poor child. You can read my editorial on the whole thing: “Stop Being Such Girly Men!” from the Editorial Index section of the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage. Read it and laugh at him for making the most pointless rant I have heard in a long time. By the way; Honker Muddlefoot does not suck! Gosalyn gets the six iron golf club and I'm going to enjoy seeing Drake get whacked in the mouth for this. Sadly; Drake wakes up and threatens her with the firing squad. Oh! Just let her do a cool spot you stick in the mud!
She's way more over than you and you're too dumb to set up a time management skills. Gosalyn hated that moment as Drake snores again. Please whack him Gos! Pretty please! Gosalyn merely blows him off by pulling his eyelids. If Disney considers whacking Drake with a golf club too violent then they are asking for their downfall. Oh wait; it's 16 years too late to proclaim that. Never mind. Gosalyn yells at him for forgetting something and Drake of course goes into ego trip because he NEVER forgets. Just like he never forgot to get checkmated by a robot with a toaster on his head. See Gosalyn wants to go to Goony Golf with Honker to play...ummmm...golf. Oh yeah; like that's isn't codeword for heel hideout if I ever heard one. And the name isn't that funny either. Gosalyn accuses Drake of weaseling himself out of this offer. Drake is no Bobby Heenan so I think he just hates you for trying to whack him and get over somehow.
Of course; Drake agrees with her on that one and goes back to sleep. Gosalyn decides to sell it..for about ten seconds as she places the golfball on the fruit salad and then whacks it as hard as she could saying that they'll play inside today. Awesome punk out as the golf ball bounces off the walls (showing it from the outside) in an awesome spot. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! The first one in the series. It took TaleSpin just thirty seconds to do that. The golf ball kills the innocent lamp of course; because it wouldn't be funny without that happening. Drake is ticked off as he's wearing his swiss cheese hat which has a banana peel in it. Okay; that was funny as Drake yells at Gosalyn and Gosalyn shows off her anger. Gosalyn wins artist merit on that selling exchange and they exchange stink eyes. Hey; there's finally some heat on Drake. Too bad it's all heel heat as he looks goofy. Which of course means Gosalyn and Honker are going to Goony Golf. Drake; you really really do suck if you lose a staring contest in such pathetic fashion. At least the episode is improving...for now anyway.
So now we go to Suckyputt's hideout...ERRRR....Goony Golf (which is a mini golf) where Gosalyn and Honker act like little kids excited about their first field trip of fun. Hey; after Gosalyn nearly getting killed in a stupid spot, this will be child's play now. Launchpad and Drake (in regular street clothes now) follow with Drake hunched over to sell the fact that he's tired...or lazy..Pick your poison on this one. Anyhow; Launchpad notices the lifelike buildings in the background and Drake blows it off as cheap paper-meche. We head to the head office where the mini-golf clubs, balls and such are stored. A memo to Gosalyn and this is not me trying to be mean in any way: Mini-Golf is a game of putting; not real golf. You only use the putter and you tap the ball; not whack it. Otherwise; it's pretty much played like real golf. I know because I played mini golf in every amusement center and mini golf place I could think of in Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, Maine and New Hampshire. I didn't play in Boston since I was taking in a Red Sox's game in 1995. I know it's more information then you need to know; but this episode is taking it out on me.
And lo and behold; there is Suckyputt manning the Goony Golf station and he's still wearing the ANT COMMUNCATIONS COMMISSION on his head. Darn I'm good. He takes it off to make sure he doesn't blow his cover; but his goofy voice is too creepy not to notice. Drake calls for two adult passes and two tiny terrorists. Geez; I hope Honker either didn't hear that or hopes it's sarcasm. Memo to Honker: It's not. Launchpad uses his money to have a hot dog and Drake gives him the stink eye. Suckyputt stands onto the counter (because he's a midget basically) and puts the hot dog down (Oh Boy! I got to stop doing that). However; the ants almost blow his cover. Launchpad doesn't notice the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT; but recovers the hotdog in time. Suckyputt's whispering is too loud of course. Everyone leaves as Drake continue to sell the hunching. Well; his selling is better than I expected. So we head to the next scene where Gosalyn does a SPIN-O-RAMA with the putting club. Gosalyn whacks it harder than it should be and of course; logic claims that it will go into Drake's mouth off-screen and of course that's what we get. Gosalyn is looking like “Oh Dad's going to whack me if I keep this up” as Drake spits the ball out of his mouth and Gosalyn gets it back. Ewwww! Drake germs.
She's going to get a cold or something. I'll call that the finish right now. Drake tries to get some shut eye; but Launchpad keeps shoveling sand onto Drake via the golf club because he's stuck in the sand trap. Ah! Somethings never change with LP. Back to Gosalyn and I think she's going to nail Drake with a wicked shot this time and she does. Thankfully; Drake invokes the knight's helmet to stop it. Sadly for him; it goes right through the helmet. Too funny as Gosalyn looks like she's moping. He tries to doze off as we continue with Launchpad digging a hole and has yet to bury himself so he can prevent Drake from doing that. Then; Logic Break #3 rears it's ugly hear as Drake is back to full strength as he's playing mini-golf. Boy; that five seconds of nodding off got his energy back instantly. Back to Gosalyn as she swings way too hard and the golf club goes out of her hands. I betcha it goes right into Drake's mouth...and it does. Too funny. Sure; it's predictable. However; I'm laughing my butt off of seeing Gosalyn screwing Drake at every turn. They are really different from Kit and Baloo.
Gosalyn is getting more and more ticked off as Drake does the spit take and walks off. He's yawning again; which contradicts the psychology of the selling of nodding. LP finally whacks one too many times and breaks a water main. So he does some lame jumping the water spots to annoy me. We go to Drake as Honker is showing off his science major. So Honker is the scared stiff Younger Kit while Gosalyn plays an older Molly. In other words; Cubbi and Sunni, except Gosalyn has the FATAL FLAWS which make her a character rather than a gimmick like Sunni was. Drake is blowing him off because it's just golf. Honker whack it the wrong way and it hits off a building. Awesome bumping from Honker there as it comes back to earth just as Drake blows Honker off again. Not a smart move as Drake takes a MAN-SIZED bump off of the golf ball (complete with stars and CARTOON LUMP OF DOOM ala the camel from Bugs Bunny) and it goes into the hole for a hole-in-one. Sadly; Drake doesn't say “Ball fall into the...HOLE!” I guess Warner Brothers has that line copyrighted because it's so funny. Honker grabs the ball out of the hole and walks on to the next hole with Launchpad and Gosalyn.
I guess there's a six shot limit per hole on this game; although it isn't mentioned by anyone so I'll have to assume that since LP gave up on the sand trap. Launchpad decides to show the kids how the pros do it while swinging and missing completely. If it's to show the animation then Sun Woo is the worst teacher at that. Drake decides to do a really silly spot of walking with a massive squat while hiding behind a barber pole. Well; so that he can finally sleep without incidents from Gosalyn. Launchpad finally hits the ball and we of course get the off-screen shattering of glass which would have worked if we saw the results of it. Otherwise; it's a pointless shot. Would have been easier if some person got hit; but that would be a logic break since there's NO ONE ELSE there but the gang and Suckyputt and he's too dumb to sell that hit. Launchpad walks on as Gosalyn and Honker follow him without taking their turns. I guess it's to explain the fantasy way that the window broke or to clip to Drake sleeping like the annoying snorer that he is..and of course he rolls down the hill even though on earlier shots; there were no big hills at the center. Logic Break #4 for the episode and that one was pretty contrived to say the least. He of course crashes into the mini version of the Happy Hippo Burger Joint and Drake wakes up to realize that Launchpad was on to something about two minutes ago.
He also finds Launchpad's scarf and that pretty much assures that Suckyputt's cover would be blown. So; he claims that this is a job for...He goes behind a tree and reveals himself as .....Williams Drakesphere. Yeap; he does need sleep. Oh wait; that was funny, don't get any more sleep Drake. He corrects himself and he's now just DARKWING....SLEEEPDUCK. Good enough for me. Of course; he's in front of the tree as the evil hand with the blue beam shrink ray and he shoots Drake with it as it shrinks him down to the size of an ant. They didn't even try to cover up the fact that he's ant size and make it look surprising. Logic Break #5 for the episode and it's even more contrived. I'm starting to hate this episode now. Please go back to Gosalyn now. Darkwing does a stupid blind spot which is really contrived as he goes through the blades of grass and doesn't trip as a result. Of course he recovers before it becomes a trend if you know what I mean. That spot would lead to the ultra contrived blind episode later on. Darkwing still doesn't get that he has shrunk yet just to get a cheap laugh that doesn't quite catch here. He notices the huge Koo-koo Cola (well; huge from Drake's perspective anyway) and knocks on a snail's shell. That's a no-no Drake.
The snail roars at him as Drake is forced to scatter. Drake then goes into denial mode and pinches himself on his duck tail which causes him to scream in pain and jump up into the air. To my surprise; he takes a decent bump onto the ground. The snail is ticked off now and Drake tries to run away. However; the snail's antenna is quicker and Drake takes a decent bump off of it and takes some decent bumps on the ground while he bounces right at Hungry Hippo's Burger Joint where the ants are eating like anthros with the leftovers of the hamburger...I think...Drake sees ants and is not bothered as he cuts his promo at 11:13..however; the size of the ants stops even that. This is not going to end well for Drake as he's forced to scatter and does the Scooby Doo snow angels spot on the grass. Now you know you are REALLY watching a classic now. Drake stops and feints bravado until he realizes that Gosalyn's left foot is going to squash him as the segment ends about 11 and half minutes in.
After the commercial break; Drake tries to scatter from Gosalyn's GAINT FOOT OF DEATH; but the cape gets caught. It's always the dumb cape that causes trouble in these situations. Maybe you should stay with regular clothes there Drake. Drake does get the cape unstuck and takes some wussy bumps in the process. You win some; you lose some. Drake looks up and sees Gosalyn looking at her golfball. Drake calls for her; but she doesn't see him as Drake backs up into the grass. Gosalyn puts her ball on the tee as Drake uses a blade of grass as a springboard complete with HB-boing sound effect and he lands into a drink cup with a straw. Man; this place is a litter zone. No wonder the ant love it here. The cup collapses even though the golf ball comes no where near it as Sun Woo screws up a spot. No really; I'm am shocked as you are. I guess the power of suggestion is powerful.
Drake is all wet like this episode is becoming as Drake realizes that he's now a bug. AND IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD! Launchpad appears and Drake thinks that he notices him. Sadly; LP is only noticing the golfball on the ground. Nice bit of psychology there. LP treats it like a human being as Drake is upset about being ignored. Welcome back Ego Trip as Drake foolishly gets onto the golfball. In normal world; Drake sounds high pitched while in small world, Drake sounds normal. Nice psychology there as Drake is screwed. Launchpad manages to whack the ball perfectly this time and Drake goes flying with the golf ball. The ball is heading to the barber pole; but Drake's weight manages to shift the ball to the right. Then; Drake's ego trip comes back and he crashes into the windmill as a result. Too funny. Sadly; the animators screw up the spot where Drake takes the pond water in the body on the way down.
We then head to another area of the golf course where Suckyputt is ordering his ants to place more stolen buildings inside a construction zone. Okay; I get it. He's using the buildings for his mini golf place. Geez; that's pretty interesting. Too bad he's such a one joke gimmick. See Barney. Sadly; the ants ruin his fun by squeaking at him that they lost Drake...and Suckyputt is mad. Man; he looks lame when he's angry. Suckyputt invokes the MAGIC LENS OF BURNING DEATH and it shows mustard on one of the ants. They are so BUSTED! The ants plead their case and Suckyputt shows sympathy. Oh dear lord; he is a goofy one joke gimmick. The first rule of being a good heel: NEVER show mercy. The first rule of being on Teamo Stupidito: ALWAYS show mercy. Honestly; this guy could be on the show and he would still be better than those other loser villains. Suckyputt decides to give them a gift: mini go-karts. Awww... how nice of him?! NOT! The ants love them like the spoiled brats that they are. We return to the top of the windmill as Drake has recovered from that animator's mistake.
Drake's MIMI JOKE ZONE plan involves getting to Launchpad now. He claims that the slightest miscalculation could spell certain doom. Memo to Drake: You can say death in a Disney cartoon. This is not 4Kids anime. He leaps off the edge and uses his cape to float around. I guess cartoon gravity is even lazier than usual in this episode. Drake buzzes around Launchpad and LP thinks Drake is a fly. Well if my buzzing sounded like a fly; I would squash him too. Launchpad gets off a glancing shot and Drake goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHA!) and gets caught against a blade of glass. SOMEONE GET THAT CAPE FIRED! Sadly; Drake credits his reflexes and the cape hates that. So; it rips (DUH!) causing Drake to fall (DUH!) and take the lamest bump I have ever seen. It wasn't even a bump to start with. No bouncing action at all. Drake of course sells it like he was crushed. Well; Sun Woo is animating; what did you expect?! Drake takes it out on the cape of course and that cues in the ants in go-karts! You know; if they looked like pants; the joke might have worked here. That allows Drake to create his next great catchphrase....
Darkwing: Suck gas evildoers!!
Hey; this is the show that actually allowed the word suck in a naughty context so it deserves a mention as a result. It's pretty cool too. He goes for the gas gun and shoots it at himself. WHAT?! What a dummy?! What could be thinking....? Oh wait...It caused the go-karts to crash into each other. That could have worked if a wall was used; but that's Logic Break #6 for the episode. Hey; it's COMEDY BABY! Sadly; he missed two go-karts and is forced to run again! So he finds a straw and pole vaults into a castle to get away from the go-karts. Sadly; the bumps still suck as usual from Sun Woo. The go-karts foolishly stop because Drake gets the jump on one of the ants in the go-kart and dumps him. That ant was slow sezs I since he had about five seconds to get out by himself..or they backup. Logic Break #7 for the episode and this is getting sad. Hey; it's a one joke gimmick. What did you expect?! Drake drives away as he speeds off and we see two go-karts left. Wait a minute?! Weren't their two go-karts left to begin with and Drake drove away with one so there should be one go-kart left to defeat? My head hurts now. Honestly; is Doug Langdale the ghost writer of Chuck Tately? Logic Break #8 for the episode and the third in the last minute.
Drake jumps over the pond and lands safely while only one of the other two go-karts makes it across to follow. Well good; there should only be ONE. Please Sun Woo; HIRE A CONTINUITY MAN! You make Ridin look good. The ghost ant go-karter in the water pouts and I'm sure his dunking voided the warranty on the go-kart. More go-kart riding as the remaining ant wants to play chicken. I guess playing beef is too gory for Disney in 1991. So they manage to turn around or do something in order to get it that the fronts of each go-kart are facing each other. I rewind it to play it back and it still doesn't make any sense. Memo to Sun Woo/Disney: See last all captial letters statement. The ant is a coward; so he makes a turn into the mushroom and takes the second most lamest bump I've ever seen into it. The ant flies out of the go-kart and takes a good bump against the flag pole into the hole. That spot would have been great if the bumps were animated properly. I REALLY HATE SUN WOO now. This makes Polly Wants a Treasure look well done now and that was a Sun Woo animated episode.
Drake declares victory and then Logic Break #9 appears OUT OF NOWHERE. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! There were only like six go-karts and four of them crashed and burned in the first sequence and only two remained to do any harm to Drake. I'm not even going to bother showing Logic Breaks anymore in this episode because my head is pounding now. And it's time for Bumper Cars as the carts take wussy bumps. They're still better than most bumps at this point. Drake does the POINTY FINGER OF DOOM (and it's not a gun you sadistic anime freaks.) as we see a bottle. Good; I hope this stupid thing ends now as Drake bumps the go-kart and the ant goes right into the bottle and rides around looking like a sail boat in the bottle. Finally; a decent spot. Drake thinks he is home free which is codeword for him getting screwed again. And I'm on today as he rides onto a mini dinosaur's back and takes the leap off of the go-kart from the dinosaur's neck. Okay; that was pretty cool as Drake free falls right into the stolen mini-buildings and shattering the window. Sadly; this is Disney pre-Gargoyle's era so he won't draw any blood whatsoever. You'll have to wait until I rant on WWE DVD's in order to get your fix.
Sorry about that. Drake takes some good bumps off of the inside of the buildings (just like near the end of Polly Wants a Treasure it should be noted and that one had less Logic Breaks to boot) which lasts for a few moments as he takes a few more good bumps on the sidewalk outside for good measure. He then admits that he is doomed...I was hoping he would say that I'm doomed to be the reason why DTVA fell from grace, but it never happens of course. So now a safe truck arrives driven by ants. Okay; this is a slight improvement. Drake goes into the buildings to hide and hides underneath a table as the ant roll in with the roller blades as they head to a safe. You can tell because it looks like a safe. They open the safe with their SUPER STRENGTH and the safe door breaks completely. Drake shows how strong ants are as the ant puts lot of the money into the roller blade. So that's Suckyputts' plan! I take it back! Suckyputt is a genius after all.
Too bad he's still a one joke gimmick; but at least he's now a decent one joke gimmick. I just wish that this episode would end because it's a lost cause now. Drake still wants to know why the ants want the money even though I can call that reason easily enough. So he goes into the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #2. You wish you were Baloo Drake! He decides to hide behind the armored car dressed up like a gay ant (The light heart one; not the homosexual one! Because God forbid if no one can tell the difference anymore.) so hideous that the FASHION POLICE OF LAW would behead Drake right now.
Thankfully; the next scene commences as the ants take the roller blades filled with the money to the golf ball counter where Suckyputt is behind. Suckyputt is HAPPY to see them as they put about three WHEEL ROLLER's full of the money and then orders then to stand back. They flee like timid little ants...Hey; they are cowards after all. Suckyputt invokes the blue beam on the money and it expands into regular money. So that's how the Cell chip was created. Well; live and learn unless you're you know who...Then he just lives. Drake was watching by the way and he distracted me enough to realize that Logic Break...Never mind; I promise not to do it this episode. There was more money than there should be on the counter. Anyhow; Suckyputt is pleased at this because he's stinkin rich now. He then see Darkwing Duckie (His words, not mine) and darn it he made me laugh on that spot. Shouldn't Drake be hiding right now? Suckyputt points the shrink ray at Drake's chest to end the segment nearly 17:30 in. That gives us four minutes left and Suckyputt should know better to point that thing at someone's chest since Disney usually cuts that spot on television airings.
After the commercial break; as the shrink ray is now pointed at his mouth. Again; Sun Woo...HIRE A CONTINUITY MAN! He thinks about shrinking him to death; but then decides to pistol whip him. Okay; he used the gun as a hammer...Close enough. Drake runs away and the pistol misses him as he is having no fun. I'm personally having no fun ranting on this episode. Drake goes to the golfball mountain and Suckyputt knocks them down like bowling pins. If he ever comes back (and I hope he doesn't); I betcha bowling will be his next scheme. That causes Drake and Suckyputt to do the silly dance on the golf balls and slip like a banana peel spot. I don't see how that's funny. A banana peel is funnier. Suckyputt decides to give up because Drake cannot hurt him. Sadly; the golf club gives him MOLLY VIOLENCE to snap him out of his bubbly little world of Goony Golf.
Drake is forced to flee as we head back to Launchpad, Gosalyn and Honker (finally! At 18:00.) finishing their round of golf as Gosalyn is impressed by how many windows he broke while Launchpad would be happier if he could break Par. Well; he can always break airplanes since that's what he's best at...and of course; just to make blood shoot from my eyes ala Glenn Beck , Mini-Drake appears OUT OF NOWHERE and lands splat into Honker's GOOFY GLASSES. It's always the glasses that get smeared first. Honker thinks it's a bug which is the best real comment of the episode. Drake invokes the gas gun to try to stop this nonsense and now it's a stink bug. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Gosalyn takes a look and realizes that it is really Darkwing Duck. Nice to see the most over character in the series actually be the only one to figure a simple misunderstanding out. Drake gets onto Launchpad's nose and yells at him...He cuts his Dangerous promo which means that the finish is finally at hand....
We head to Suckyputt's home which looks similar to Higher....For..Hire; but gayer (lighthearted of course) as Suckyputt counts the MONEY OF STINK and declaring victory. Sadly; he's so not over even by the writers that the DW GANG OF GAG appears about five seconds later. I guess burrying him in ants wouldn't be so bad for him after all. How about bees?! That would be a poisonous sting of death happening. LP calls him buster which allows Suckyputt to reveal his name as Lilliput. Personally; I like Suckyputt better even though the original pun does make sense. I just wish that he revealed the name about ten minutes ago so I wouldn't have to bury him in the rant. Launchpad blows it off rightfully as the ants grab the shrink ray and get is behind Lilliput. Yeah; the joke is dead, live with it. Lilliput thinks his ANTS COMMUNCATIONS COMMISSION is silly too. Launchpad thinks it's cute as Drake is panicking and no one's selling until Lilliput grabs the shrink ray and points it at our heroes.
Gosalyn and company sell...for about two seconds as Gosalyn starts to no-sell (Yay!) and whacks a golf ball at him which knocks the shrink ray out of his hands. Lilliput acts like a coward so he calls the MILLION ANT MARCH to protect him. Gosalyn finally sells that (after no-selling the threat before he calls them I should point out.) and the MILLION ANT MARCH creates the ANT HANDS to grab Launchpad's leg and knock him to the floor in a wussy bump which dislodges the Mini-Drake into the air. Drake gets off a lame flying reference as he attaches himself to the ANT COMMUNCATIONS COMMISSION and uses the gas gun to create a cloud of smoke for Lilliput to choke on. (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH) Drake then goes into Lilliput's shirt and tickles him. Mommy for Day, Molly getting it from Henry. Just saying. Nice selling from Lilliput though. Drake bites Lilliput somewhere since we hear a lame chomping sound and Lilliput gives himself the worst punches this side of Billy Gunn. Drake gets up to the ANT COMMUNCATIONS COMMISSION and figures that he should break that device as Honker and Gosalyn are cornered with the fly swatters and I'm not even going to say it....
Interesting Moment #3: Now Launchpad just said Murder referring to ants and a picnic. Anime would NEVER allow this pre Adult Swim era.
The GOLEM HAND OF DOOM destroys Gosalyn's fly swatters just to create dramatic tension in a comedy act. Gosalyn and Honker escape stage left as Lilliput tries to fling Drake off the ANTS COMMUNCATIONS COMMISSION. Drake loses that battle and falls to the ground taking another really wussy bump. Molly took worse bumps than this and she's only six years old. Lilliput invokes the shrink ray on Drake (complete with lame NOOOOOOOOOO from the GANG OF GAG) and it works as Drake shrinks to his own death complete with high pitched goodbye from Drake. Drake is gone from this world and Gosalyn is really ticked off now as she uncorks the sleeve at the GOLEM HAND OF DOOM.
Now she really means business as she notices a six pack of Cuckoo Cola. The same drink used during drinking games of seeing bad Darkwing Duck episodes. The point of it is that you drink the cola when the use of redo gags and bad contrived spots are used and then the winner belches the loudest during the end credits. To honor this tradition in my own clean way; I'm introducing the CUCKOO system which is like the Trigun system; but instead of how much gunplay is in an episode; I based on how many bad jokes, logic breaks and contrived spots there are. This episode is certainly a 0.5 CUCKOO at this point. Your system may vary. It also works with Bonkers and Quack Pack; or so I heard. Gosalyn and Honker takes the COLA OF DEATH; shake it all good and nice, turn that son-witch sideways and STICK IT STRAIGHT AHEAD THEIR CANDY ASSES!
Okay; it's not as cool as THE ROCK; but this is geared to more family audiences so I have to improvise. The GOLEM HAND OF DOOM gets flushed out the door and now Lilliput is ticked off. Gosalyn demands answers on Darkwing's condition and Lilliput sezs he shrunk him to the size of a germ. UH OH! I think you can now guess what the finish is; can you? Lilliput tries to finish off the GANG OF GAG but he starts coughing, sneezing and getting green to the gills. Nice MAN SIZED bumps from Lilliput here. Gosalyn finally grabs the shrink ray after Honker and Launchpad have their say on the matter and shoots it right into Lilliput's mouth as he sneezes and Darkwing Duck expands into his normal size along with two germ cells.
Remember what I said much earlier in the rant...Okay; I cheated since I saw the entire episode while getting the writing and story editor credits so it really is a creative finish...and everyone hugs Drake for being okay. Not a good idea guys as Drake introduces Blob and Ray who were the germs responsible for giving Lilliput a head cold. Blob is fine; but the second should be called Plague. It shouldn't hurt Disney standards any to do so. Lilliput does a wonderful job overselling the head cold and grabs the shrink ray; but he's too sick to even fire it so Drake kicks it out of his hands and Drake grabs it to end Lilliput's terror if you could call it that. And the Wii joke is because the shrink beam shoots light blue rays similar to the light blue light the Wii uses to indicate that WiiConnect 24 is in session. Now you know and knowing is half the battle...the other half is to stop watching 1980's cartoons for moral lessons. TaleSpin did a better job at morals anyway.
So now we return to Drake's house as Drake wraps up the case. However; he will be taking a long rest because now he's got the head cold. Well; he was touching Blob and Ray so nice CONINUITY from the writers which was solely lacking in this episode. Gosalyn, Launchpad, Honker, (all who touched Drake as well as) Blob and Ray even get the head cold as well. Okay; that was amusing to see actual germs get sick even if it doesn't make sense. I guess it was from Drake's own germs. The Green Chickenpox Disease seems to be the bug they infected themselves with. Drake makes a lame excuse as that ends the episode at 21:017 . Okay episode that was ruined by Sun Woo and so many Logic Breaks out of the wazoo that even Chuck Tately would blush at. Man; this was the first below average episode I've ranted from DTVA and this what I feared from the start. On the other hand; if you like to hear the word Murder in a Disney cartoon; this is your episode. ** 1/4( 45%)
THE REVIEW LINE
Oh man; the first half of the episode was all right and then the Chuck Tately effect rolled in as the Logic Breaks and animation mistakes were coming left and right. Then again; I expected bad animation mistakes and continuity problems from Sun Woo. I had to stop counting logic breaks (there were over ten for sure) because it got so stupid to try to explain the writers thinking of writing this episode. It also didn't help that Lilliput was a one joke gimmick as well and was basically a bumbling villain on par with an average Disney henchmen character than an actual villain. Drake was Drake and he wasn't the problem in this episode for a change; it was the lack of Gosalyn and Honker that bothered me. Honker wasn't really given a proper introduction and when his family is introduced it was an even worse episode than this. The fact that I said that I didn't enjoy ranting on this episode speaks for itself. The ending was good and it actually made sense with a pretty creative finish of Darkwing Duck beating Lilliput using his own very little tactics. Also; the big surprise was that Disney censors allowed the use the word Murder twice in one episode. Rebecca was only able to get attempted murder off. Still; this was the first episode that I have ranted on for DTVA where the bad out-weighted the good and to be honest; I wasn't expecting it. I was expecting a middling episode. However; Sun Woo ruined it..as usual. The next episode is Night of the Living Spud and....UUGGGGHHH!!
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.
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