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Hush, Hush Sweet Charlatan

Reviewed: 04/30/2007

Now this is COMEDY BABY!

This is for sure my last rant until the first Friday in May because I'm bushed. This episode is the debut of Tuskerninni who is the movie director criminal. Sadly; Jack Cases is NOT involved so all you Jack Cases fans are screwed worse than Drake Mallard when Gosalyn breaks another window. So let's rant on shall we...

The episode is written by Carter Crocker and the story has been edited by the late Bruce Talkington. My favorite TaleSpin combo to say the least. This is the ninth episode done by Sun Woo and the fifth episode in a row on this disc. Please for the love of all that is holy; change the animation studio for once!

We begin in the CITY OF SAINT CANARD with...say it with me...the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM as DARKWING.... DUCK rides his motorcycle around the city as if he was joyriding or something. Maybe Gosalyn was right in scolding him last episode rant. Of course; he's so full of himself that he forgets to ride to the movie to pick up Gosalyn and Honker (and maybe Tank since he loves scary movies) Sadly; the UFO arrives as Drake will have to wait. Drake's acting and look at the screen proves that this is likely a movie itself. But what do I know? I'm just a widdle ranter with a slightly better life than DARKWING..DUCK! He presses the blue button which allows the motorcycle to jet up into the sky. Now there's a feature my van needs. Then I can get to work on time without paying ticket for the bus...Or maybe not as we see a female duck with a gray dress, purple suit (with matching purple boots) and blue pants complete with Rebecca Cunningham perm which looks awful wrestling a squid. And people complained about Louie's Last Stand where Magon was accused of letting a fish eat Zipper the fly from Rescue Rangers? What does Tad Stones have against TaleSpin? She actually screams better than Rebecca though..Oh wait; it's just a green alien which is a sign that this is a fake scene.

She is being carried to the UFO with two other aliens still screaming better than Rebecca as the animators and Crocker completely ruin the effect by showing the movie crew just seconds after the scene. Ummm guys?! Why not wait until Drake appears so the screw up looks suspenseful? Drake lands his motorcycle with a thud as we see Launchpad, Gosalyn and Honker to his right. Gosalyn is not impressed with Drake's appearance because he's going to act REALLY STUPID NOW! Drake's condescending attitude to Gosalyn and Honker is funny though for the same reason as the previous sentence. Drake jumps into the scene being as full of himself as possible. Remember that in the pilot episode; Drake wanted public attention so this is him relapsing back into character. Not as natural as TaleSpin; but natural enough to amuse me. Drake stands back to back with the hero character of the movie (who is about a foot taller with the same outfit without the gay Zorro hat) and does the wiggle hand on the hero, then turns around and blows him off. That was too funny and he's full of himself as usual. At least this time it's really amusing. He does the kick of doom on the thin green alien which Sun Woo misses by four inches.

Geez; make contact with the darn kick there Sun Woo? Green alien flies away anyway as Drake goes after the fat alien who has the damsel in distress. Ahh; even in 1990, Super Mario stereotype was still in. Or maybe a crack at Disney's girl stereotypes in the movies while breaking them on television. He bashes and spins him around while delivering the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DOOM to him which Sun Woo nails better. Rebecca Duck falls on her butt doing the splits which is really painful to see as fat green alien flies away as well. Drake dusts himself off which is a true sign of being full of yourself if I ever saw one. Rebecca Duck comes over and smacks Drake right in the duck beak...And a good one too as the beak is flapping harder than the SeaDuck on a good day. Drake backs up due to the sudden impact of Rebecca Duck giving him his just deserts for ruining a fun stereotypical movie into thin dogsperson alien as the director yells cut.

Which is enough for Drake to actually get it. Yes folks; he is really that stupid. We focus on a walrus fury with a white beard and his three penguin buddies manning the camera. I know that you got rid of the beer gut; but you're not fooling anyone Tusker Ninni (Ken Mars). He swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (cursed) as he's not in the script. However; he will be very soon because it's COMEDY BABY! Drake goes over to Gosalyn who blows him off and LP chimes in as well because it's not real. See; that's why adults want to censor movies. It's not because kids cannot tell fantasy from reality; it's adults who cannot tell fantasy from reality. If you don't believe me; go to and you'll get a real eyeopener. That's where the whole Left Behind video game boycott started actually. I won't get into the title because it sucks harder than Sean Desmond when Ron Sparks is in a really bad mood.

Drake accuses them of not telling him that earlier. Riiiight Drake...Like REAL ALIENS would be that stereotypical. If they were filming Doctor Who then you would have a case; then again Disney would be sued, so Drake is screwed as usual. Rebecca Duck invokes the WRAITH OF BECKEY on Drake which is a hundred times funnier than on Baloo, and a screeching voice minus Sally Struthers adds a nice touch. Drake calls her Miss Congeniality. Careful Drake; the WRAITH OF BECKEY kills eardrums. It's been proved by the TaleSpin Science Collective! Oh; it's really Gloria Swansong; so the joke doesn't work. Swansong is a better joke because her career is in worse shape than Paul Roma is right now. If you don't know; Paul Roma flushed his career down the toilet when he refused to make a decent wrestler named Alex Wright look good and Paul REALLY MADE HIM LOOK BAD. I think it's Superbrawl in 1995 where he killed his career. Maybe her career stinks because she's in deodorant commercials. Those things are MURDER as Drake apologizes to Tusker about the offense just as Gloria storms out. Then he realizes that it's Tuskerninni and that signal's the old pull the sleeve and reveal the fist spot which Kit did a hundred times better because Baloo was thrown like a bad habit. Drake wants answers and Tusker claims that he's through with crime.

I doubt that very much because doing a stereotypical alien movie in the 1990's is a crime against the art form. Now Nintendo creating Touch Generations is a blessing against escapism, but the industry needs it so they are free on the warning that it is balanced with real games. Thankfully; disruption allows THAT so Nintendo is safe. Then an old dogsperson who is about Kit's size enters underneath Tusker's legs (EWWWW!) wearing a red suit which should be censored right now for your big fat information, if only on principal alone. It clashes with the blue tie. He's A.F. Erret head of the studio A.F. Erret. Sorry Crocker; it doesn't work unless the exec is an actual ferret. He's spitting mad at Drake because that costs money. Maybe he should learn not to break the cost/value ratio and then maybe he wouldn't have such a heart attack on Drake. Drake actually blows him off which the joke would have worked if he was a ferret. Smooth move there guys. Drake wants to leave; but Gosalyn doesn't want to and uses reverse psychology to convince Drake as she grabs onto his outfit. That's a no-no Gos! No one touches the purple suit! It's like destroying Guwaino Nacho from Kim Possible. Yeah; I spelled it wrong but the point is that you're going to pay as Ron would say. I've got to rant on Kim Possible: So Not The Drama at some point as that was AWESOME. Drake isn't selling and everyone is SHOCKED or appalled (and in Gos' case, both!)

Post-Production Error #1: Black slug present. That's the first one since the beginning of the series so it's nice to see it one in a while.

Actually; this serves a purpose because we return as the VOICEOVER OF DOOM commences as Drake does the old Malcom In The Middle promo (you know which one) behind a brick background and of course he lost to Gosalyn AGAIN! She must have held her breath again and Disney didn't want to see it happen AGAIN! So Gosalyn, Launchpad and Honker get to watch the movie making in action. That was so funny and Drake deserves that one. He NEEDS the lesson in figuring out fantasy from reality a lot more than Gosalyn and Honker do at this point. Even more so than Launchpad does. More screaming from Gloria, more carrying from fat green alien and more bad acting from bad looking hero who invokes the shield. Drake cuts in of course and even I'm going to have to agree with him for doing it even if it's for the wrong reason. LEARN HOW TO ACT YOU STUPID IDOIT! Even Kitten does a better job than you losers! Cut from Tusker as Drake goes into full critic mode remembering to call him Ingmar which I guess it's his real name; or Drake is mocking him because he's an ex-con.

Either way; I do have to disagree with Drake about the shield since Goofy had no trouble using it as a weapon in Kingdom Hearts. I hope SquareEnix didn't hear that. Death reference #1 from Drake just to amuse me as Tusker walks away and invokes Take Two and it's not the company who made Manhunt 2 (Why did Wii get the most violent game they have?!) as the animator invoke the TAKE TWO CLIP BOARD OF DOOM as a scene changer. Why didn't TaleSpin use that for A Star is Torn? Anyhow; we continue filming as we head to the scene where dumb butt hero is calling for two thin aliens to surrender at once in the name of peace. Hero's acting is about 50% better now as Drake calls cut on that one (Gosalyn and Honker are in the shot.). Drake's cut spot is absolutely funny when it paused in the right moment. Since when did Drake have the authority to be a director on this movie?! Drake accuses him of trying to make a deal with them. Hey Drake; you don't make deals with terrorists; aliens on the other hand are okay...I think. Tusker protests this outrage because he wrote it. I think you should think twice before saying THAT in front of Drake. Tusker drags him to the director's chair and basically tells him to be quiet. Oh come on Tusker! Kit Cloudkicker was allowed to say Shut Up and so was Trader Moe. That makes you such weak sauce it isn't funny.

The movie making continues. I should note that those three penguins rolling the camera are his henchmen/sidekicks. And they are nothing; so I might as well mention it so I don't have to ever again. Tusk narrates this film as the alien invoke the X-37 DEATH INDUCER OF...well....DEATH! Death reference #2 for the episode as LP is enjoying this. Drake is sulking in his directors chair because he thinks this movie sucks...or Tusker up to no good. Cannot blame him on the former though. Tusker having WAY TOO MUCH FUN to be doing this for good as the dumb hero hides behind the trashcan as if it could protect him. Drake calls it cheap special effects. Speak for yourself Drake as green alien #1 invokes the ray gun and it is loaded as the dumb hero lives up to his name and gets MURDERED by it. That should teach him for acting so badly as he faints away in a cute spot.

We head back into the living room as Drake reads the newspaper about the bad ray gun and the PRESS OF FRAUD blows off Drake in a funny spot which Drake hates. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake is steamed now as LP suggests suing for definition of character. Honker corrects him of course. Sadly; Drake has no grounds for defamation here since the newspaper is correct about Drake's inaction heroism which could NEVER measure up to the comedy gold of THE SUCKUP. (Boss: Knock, Knock! Suckup: That was great sir! Boss: That's not the joke Suckup! Suckup: YEAH! COMEDY BABY!). Drake decides to one up and actually solve the crime because if they did the angle of suing someone then little children would decide to sue their parents and then become lawyers would commit gross misconduct in the guise of justice and...Ah forget it! Run on sentences are not my interest. Keen Gear reference commences as they do the bad movie name reference again. It's a play on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies by the way which all sucked (except for the 4Kids one) so it's all apporos.

Gosalyn tries to run upstairs but Drake stops her and puts her in her place once again. You know which one and Gosalyn doesn't like it. Nice animation of the blue carpet during Gosalyn's running by Sun Woo there. Drake and Launchpad exit the house because that film needs real heroes. Well; Drake and Launchpad can act so they win it by default. Gosalyn of course; stands up and decides to help and Honker does the usual “But your dad said...” before Gosalyn grabs Honker's arm and they race out of the house. See; dealing with adults is as simple as reading between the lines. Geez; now they are stealing the building blocks of TaleSpin and using it as a joke. No wonder Goof Troop turned into a comedy act. We head to the GOLDEN GATE ARCH WITH STEEL GATE BECAUSE SUN WOO IS SO CHEAP OF DOOM (longest....stupid.....pun......ever!) as Drake does his full of himself promo (like you expected anything else) and then suddenly we head to the roof which has no CONTINUITY whatsoever. Logic Break #1 for the episode as the smoke cloud and the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 6:08:

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the hair in the lens of your projector!

Giggle....That was pretty funny since he's flapping in the daytime. It's a good promo and it fits in the right context for this episode. Launchpad then shows up as they climbed up the gate saying that they should use the gate. Drake sezs he's not like everyone else. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments as he jumps down in slow dramatic fashion and lands perfectly on the ground finishing his promo. Sadly; police guard #1 catches him acting like a moron (dogsperson with standard police outfit) as he's about Baloo's size and he demands the gate pass. Drake doesn't have one of course and he is thrown out of the studio complete with the fourth worst bump I have ever seen in my life. Sadly; Launchpad isn't thrown out with him so that's Logic Break #2 for the episode. We go to the shot where Guard #1 is the king of the wooden gatehouse! Since I'm here and not in this world; he cannot throw me out so there...(Insert Molly raspberry here!)

Drake tries the threaten his own life approach as he continues to be full of himself. Please MURDER him police guard; I'll give you a spot in my new proposal series: From TV Animation: Disney Afternoon Chronicles which allows those foolish fan boys to say that TaleSpin was in the same world as Darkwing Duck, Goof Troop and Ducktales. Drake faces against Taraus Bullba who uses Kit Cloudkicker who is in suspended animation when the TaleSpin part was destroyed during the Furry Genocide as a golem against DARKWING....DUCK. Funny scene: When Taraus order Kit to kill Gosalyn; Kit looks at Gos and then tackles her down and tickles her since he's trying to get Molly back for throwing him into the ocean in Rebecca's Diary. Memo to SquareEnix/Disney: You can have THAT one for free...and Police Guard invokes the POWER OF THE PUNCH and Drake goes flying over the golden arch. He takes a good bump this time around on his face. Drake call this a failure to communicate. I call it a failure to be civil and can the full of yourself promos there Drake! Drake comes back as Police Guard #1 reads a newspaper and Drake tries the sweet talk approach. MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #3345 fails; but Police Guard #1 fails to pop it out of the MOVIE STUDIO! Geez; that guy is a loser if he fell for THAT ONE and then fails to POP IT OUT OF THE CASTLE! See Road to Macadamia for the spot.

We head to NOWHERE as a film projector is rolling showing Drake screwing everything up as usual as the studio exec is really fuming (in his usual funny way) because Drake is ruining him. Geez; this sounds like hardcore gamers when Nintendo is running rings around Sony while firing disruption arrows. We are in a cinema as DARKWING... DUCK appears to further bury this poor widdle exec. Maybe Gosalyn should have joined you after all seeing that no one wants you even near the studio right now. Movie exec is upset because Drake is costing him money. Well; Drake is the master of running up a bill of damages; almost as well as Gosalyn does. Drake proclaims that the final scene of the injury was forever caught on film. I think the movie exec should sue for defamation and damages right now as Launchpad is sitting back eating popcorn. Now how did he get in without being thrown out? Logic Break #3 for the episode. Drake demands that the projector be turned on (by Launchpad of course which he gleefully sells) while doing the ferret joke. It would have worked if he was a ferret Drake. Stop using the joke Drake!

Mr. Erret is ticked off now and the urge to MURDER Drake and use him in a real snuff film is rising. The projector is turned on and there is a shadow of a spider to the top left side which Drake calls a pile of rubbish. It's really a fly which Sun Woo screwed up; who was insulted by Drake's promo cutting and it flies around. Mr. Erret is really panicking right now as he calls for the guards. Drake decides to leave stage left mocking the exec once again. Stop using that worthless joke Drake! We go to the cloudy shot of the studio which is done all right by Sun Woo as a female announcer is showing tourists the sights of the studio in the movie golf cart. She is so hideously boring that Sun Woo forgot to animate any of them except for Gosalyn and Honker. See what I mean by assembly animation here guys? Gosalyn wants to make sure Part 12 is made and Honker does his usual “What if Dad finds us?”. Gosalyn blows his dad off and the price of scripts as the movie golf cart drives stage left.

We head to the Middle Eastern castle set as Tusker enters inside and talks to his penguin henchmen about his next plan or project as he demands that his story book plan be captured on film by the penguin henchmen. See; Mr. Effet won't sell him the studio and Drake is making them difficult for him. Well; he makes everyone's life hard because he's REALLY STUPID! Tusker drives a stick into the ground and there's OIL IN THEM HILLS! Only three inches needed? Logic Break #4 for the episode and this is getting silly; albeit in a good way. See; he wants to drive the studio into bankruptcy and buy the land for peanuts. Well; Tusker you don't need to do that MINI JOKE ZONE PLAN since Drake's three quarters into doing that on his own. I do thank you for trying though since you are pretty much over right now.

Interesting Moment #1: The closeup is in wide-screen for the first time in DTVA history it should be noted.

He does the Iris-Out scene changer as we see Drake and Launchpad sitting down in a Sesame Street like stair case as Tusker is rated D for devious, dangerous and rotten. Drake seriously needs a course in proper rating promo cutting there. Launchpad happily screws Drake for that spot as Drake said we must remain on guard..and of course the Police Guard shows up. So the Scooby Doo chase scene commences as we head to a scene where two dogspeople (one male, one female) wearing 1800's period clothing are making out on a park bench. Since this is 1990; there is no Movie Conduct Rules; so anything that CBC exec from Air Farce would say. Police Guard looks around as he body covers the entire shot and then runs off as Drake and LP are now making love with each other...and their acting is actually as good as the real John and Marsha. It's COMEDY BABY! We then go to various movie scenes (Rocky being the first) as Drake and LP exchange notes about the studios financial hardships. I guess this studio got their ideas from Sega and later Microsoft since Sega's business acumen was the same as of a pencil eraser. God; I love Sean Malstorm quotes.

Police Guard is as stupid as the police and doesn't suspect a thing the whole time. Notes from the scenes: Gloria is married 27 times which makes Rebecca a better role model since she's only married once and her husband died or divorced or whatever Jymn Magon wanted us to believe it was. Death reference number four rears it's ugly head as Zorro LP misses into Police Guard when fencing up the stairs. LP falls off the stage and takes a decent bump into the film protectors as Drake thanks LP for the information which was found in THE NATIONAL EQUIRER PRESS OF SEMI FRAUD. We go to DARKWING... DUCK (dressed back to normal) near a twisting staircase as we start the distorted re-enactment of the American Revolution since Tusker is directing another death here. Gloria is pretty mad and looking like a complete tool in that outfit so I don't blame her. The dogsperson wearing the male version of the 1770's gear is scared because there could be another accident. Drake of course blows his cover as he's on the job of burying this studio to ashes. Not that Tusker would mind unless he wants credit for doing the deed.

He calls for Akira to roll it in a cultural that I don't get and therefore don't care about it. The movie rolls on as Drake invokes the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM to annoy me again. Where's the police guard when you REALLY NEED him?! He must have taken a tasty-cake break. Typical police guard stereotype. And on the catwalk; we see the phantom throw the spotlight (helpfully pointed out by Launchpad) and Drake runs and pushes Revolution Guard #1 away so he can take the bump himself. How selfless of him...NOT! MAN-SIZED bump commences and Drake is out. Well; I told him that the spotlight would MURDER him someday...but he didn't listen. No siree! The phantom goes for the chandelier and this is turning into a Balooest of Blueblood episode; without a good enough babyface like Baloo for me to mock with as Revolution Guard #1 is pretty much done for as the segment ends almost 12 minutes in. Man; this is feeling like 20 minutes here...and it's still good.

After the commercial break; as we head outside Drake's house as Drake reads the newspaper and it blows him off again. Whomever is doing this deserves a Peabody Award for excellent journalism because IT'S THE TRUTH BRUTHA! Drake is so not loving this as death reference number five commences. Launchpad suggest that he doesn't take it so hard. Riight LP; Drake is the EGO TRIP MACHINE! You're not going to be able to reason with one so don't even try. Sadly; they are really inside the studio as the woman announcer from earlier in the movie golf cart blows Drake off. Too funny and the animation of the people is much better this time around. Drake is ticked off now and you know that he is when he slams the newspaper onto the ground. They are in the director's chair and I'm still wondering why that police guard hasn't thrown them out yet. Logic Break #5 for the episode as Drake decides to use a classic movie moment and unmask the phantom. Don't you have to set a trap first since it works so well for Scooby Doo? LP suggest waiting until the video comes out in his usual attempt to be funny. Drake orders that LP looks right and Drake runs stage left..right into the Police Guard.

He was taking a tasty-cake break after all since he gained about three pounds since we last saw him. Drake decides to surrender as we go to Mr. Effet's office as Mr. Effet's on the phone blowing off the deal to sell the studio for $20,000.42. Now you know you're watching a cartoon when they do THAT spot. He then sees Drake flying out his window and considers selling it for $20,000.52. I think it's safe to say that MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #3345 has finally been POPPED OUT OF THE STUDIO! Good spot there writers. Mr. Effet tries to talk but Gosalyn hangs him up and he doesn't even realize that a TEN YEAR OLD GIRL HAS ENTERED HIS OFFICE. Gosalyn doesn't want him to sell the studio and even she's playing that useless. Memo to writers: THE JOKE DOESN'T WORK UNLESS HE'S A FREAKIN FERRET! Deal with it and move on. Gosalyn does the CANNOT FAIL EVEN IF SHE WAS LIT ON FIRE SWEET TALK routine which completely stun the poor widdle movie exec. That's the expression I see every time Wii and DS outsell EVERYONE on the charts week in and week out. Gosalyn's attempt at movie making ideas is so darn funny she should be named director just for that. Honker falls off the desk after that spot because it was so AWESOME that Honker couldn't help himself there. Sadly; the movie exec snaps out of it before it can REALLY BE GOOD and calls for the Police Guard. Gosalyn and Honker take the hint and run out of the office into the dressing room. Honker thinks Gosalyn doesn't care about Drake and Gosalyn agrees with him in a nice way.

And speaking of the EVIL ONE himself; Drake is now in the same room and fuming over Mr. Effet's attempt to get rid of him. I would tempt fate that this is Logic Break #6; but I'll let this one slide as Drake walks stage left while Gosalyn and Honker are hiding in the outfits of course. Honker's in the PJ's because Gosalyn is more over so she get the suit of armor. Careful Gosalyn; that's how Kit was buried by the writers. She climbs out thankfully; and they look around and see the phantom suits; so they will use them to hide from Drake. I can sense that this plan is going to expose THEM as the creators of sabotage. Then again; I thought Kit was responsible for the injuries in A Star is Torn; but it was Kitten so it could work out. This is a redo episode of A Star Is Torn without the sexy female heel to make it good. All I have is cute Rebecca Duck and she's clearly a babyface in this one. Drake walks onto the park set where Tusker is and calls him out as Orson.

So now we're into movie name calling Drake? That's a thousand times worse than regular name calling since that would get you sued for defamation in the UK. And you have to prove your innocence; not them proving your guilt like in the USA and Canada. Drake's blaming him for being thrown over walls. I guess on one of those throw outs he landed on his head and scrambled some brain cells. Tusker actually likes Drake's acting for a change. He calls for the camera and the penguin henchmen sell as Tusker twists Drake's head to the left in a painful spot. Tusker's pro-hew speaking is funny as well as Drake is surprised by Tusker's sudden love for him. Drake rolls the R in a Don Karnage crack (UGH!) as Tusker declares that he was born playing the hero. Nepotism; it always kill the greatest characters before they can even earn that spot. Right Kit?! Drake claims that he's not interested in fame which is the worst lie I have ever heard. Then again; he's full of himself so it's apporos. Drake sees this as a way to crush the villain from the inside. Don't say I care about it....

We head to a 1776-era outside movie set as Launchpad is still looking for the phantom or Drake; whichever comes first...and LP gets the fatass phantom which makes no sense since Gosalyn and Honker are thinner than he is..Logic Break #6 for sure now. LP is scared and decides to run away as Scooby Doo chase #2 commences. Sadly; he's cornered by the fake phantom which is Gosalyn and Honker. The Logic Break still stands though because Tusker cannot be there at all. LP scream spot is really funny and LP scatter to the back of a church or barn depending on my mood when I wrote this rant. Sadly; he's cornered by another phantom which is clearly the penguin henchmen this time around (and therefore I accept) and does the polar bear spot complete with rubber boots coming off and then running off. Now that's a funny spot as we return to the front of Drake's dressing room and we know this because it has DARKWING..DUCK's face in the middle of the star on the door.

Wonder if Mr. Effet was threatened with the gas gun to have THAT happen? Drake walks down with the RED BOOK OF LIES talking about how this will solve crimes. Which one Drake? He also notices the face in the middle of the star just to increase his EGO TRIP MODE a thousand fold. Then the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH) commences as we see Drake in front of a cinema building. The movie is Citizen Duck (Citizen Kane reference since Disney always does at least one per series as in the contract). He hugs the sign which makes him even more delusional than when Baloo does it. Women screen at him as flashbulbs go off because Drake is in his own bubbly FANTASY WORLD proving that it really is adults that are more of a worry than children in this cruel, sick world. Drake claims he might get his own TV series. Yeah; his brains are scrambled, what a shock?! White smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH) returns as it was a dream and Drake shows restraint for the first time as he reads the BOOK OF LIES while being full of himself.

We now head to the Wild Wild West set as Tusker is explaining the scene to DARKWING..DUCK and the woman who hates him more than anyone right now: Gloria WRAITH OF BECKEY Swansong. Gloria is really ticked off now and that proves that she's the babyface since Kitten played it cool and calm. Tusker explains that she has no choice now since the accidents have reduced the movie male hero gene pool to one. And that's full of himself Drake Mallard. Okay; maybe not. He explains the point of the scene with the Lulubelle's Saloon. When in doubt mock Lulu from Final Fantasy X and Belle from Beauty & The Beast since this is COMEDY BABY! Drake is suspicious because this is a space alien movie. Tusker defends that saying that we're all aliens in our own society. That sounds like an illegal immigration message there and no one likes that kind of message writers. We start the action as the spotlight and camera are rolling (with penguin henchmen rolling). I'm thankful that this is COMEDY BABY because if this were TaleSpin; this would be a really poor episode since we all know who's behind it now.

We see that the saloon is on fire (get it: A...Flame...HAR HAR HAR!) as Drake reads his lines from script and looking stupid on camera. Tusker doesn't care for the mistake as Drake repeats it loudly and he takes the piano right on cue. It's one thing to redo episode; but redo spots from a wonderful episode like In Search of Ancient Blunders really grinds my gears guys! The bump isn't as good as when Dumptruck took it. The penguin henchmen open the piano and Drake is all right as he's rubbing the strings inside. He violate ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 in stupidity of course and Tusker declares that the phantom is responsible. Drake doesn't care and we go to take two complete with clipboard. Drake tries it again and he gets the granite rock which provokes the silliest bump I've ever heard. It sounds like a watermelon tried to MURDER him. And we do it again! Drake dodges the station wagon which means Tusker is arrested for Grand Theft Auto Saint Canard Edition. Sadly; he gets the anvil for his trouble and the bump is even sillier. It sounds like dishes breaking. Someone in sound production is ON DRUGS..because when you are ON DRUGS misplaced sounds sound better.

Post-Production Error #2: Iris out slug. I should note that I almost mistook it as a commercial.

We return as Drake gets the elephant which is fitting since his ego needs to be squashed. It doesn't work sadly as Tusker is mad because Drake is supposed to die invoking death reference #6 and penguin henchmen gets nothing out of it. We go into the air as Tusker invokes the megaphone to explain the next scene which is so familiar to me. They are flying in a red baron airplane as Drake is questioning the safety of it. Tusker invokes the upside down drop spot from Stormy Weather which Dan Dawson did to Kit and Drake free-fall. Oh; great, the most dramatic episode in DTVA history and they are making fun of it here. I knew Eisner was up to no good. This is a job for....E-MAIL AUTOMATION! I'm amazed Stickin Around didn't steal that one. He pulls the cord and there is no parachute of course. As if Kit ever needed one. He has an airfoil. Drake free falls towards the movie studio set lot as the segment ends 17 minutes in. As much as I'm enjoying the episode; I cannot help it if I'm a little offended at the shots taken at TaleSpin. Then again; I expected as much considering that this is COMEDY BABY and Eisner has ZERO love for drama. I mean; Kim Possible says SO NOT THE DRAMA so that adds creditability to my theory. And I love Kim Possible by the way in case anyone thinks I'm picking on them with malice.

After the commercial break; we see Drake free falling to his death as the fake phantom puts a mattress onto the ground and Drake destroys it of course. Mr. Effet sees it along with Gloria and he blames her dead husbands for this disaster. Death reference #7 for the episode and the poor widdle movie exec is still steaming mad as usual. Tusker goes over to help Drake and he's all right which makes Tusker jump in shock. Well; it's...see it with me...COMEDY BABY! Tusker accuses the phantom for sabotaging the rope even though Tusker clearly threw him overboard. The suspense is zero; but then again it's COMEDY BABY! Drake is putting this phantom business out of business once and for all and he's serious because he wants the closeup. Movie making can make anyone go back to being their old selves. We go inside the haunted house as Drake is collecting spiderwebs for DAVE THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS to fix the World Wide Spider Web which is one of the few jokes I liked on that show. Drake is sulking as the phantom is moaning. Drake invokes the gas gun which proves that he did threaten Mr. Effet with it to stay in the studio. He meets the phantom and tries to make him suck gas; but another phantom goes behind Drake while doing the Scooby Doo door selection spot.

Well; it's different from the chase spot; so we're moving on up at least. The fake phantom (check's Gosalyn's face there) walks up the stairs as Drake runs after him still confused to the gills. We head to the Scooby Doo door selection spot for real this time. Launchpad gets involved of course if case everyone has missed him earlier. I guess LP being paid by the required minute to appear it seems. LP bumps into the real phantom and turns into a headless horseman in the process. Real phantom takes him away as he pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER) on the fan because this episode does need more windbags, not counting Drake and Mr. Effet of course.

Hench phantom is also involved as well. Drake blows away for a while and then lands as the spotlight is covered with the white sheet to make Drake look stupid again. Drake touches it and gets the WII SHOCK TREATMENT OF DOOM as Drake bounces around like Shane O'Mac with a super ball up his butt. Drake crashes through the door complete with Scooby Doo Snow Angel Spot (as per in the contract) and slides right in front of Tusker with dirt on his face..and maybe his conscience too. Tusker declares that it's time for the final scene where he helps Drake into the lion's cage as he explains the scene while tying Drake up with more ropes than Kit ever suffered.

There's a code in how much rope you use during the scene in case of bad rope burns, or in upside down scenes; getting a coma. It's rigged with explosives and of course, Launchpad, Mr. Effet and Gloria are also tied up and huddled into one corner. Well; I can accept that scene at least as Tusker finally blows his cover for real. If this was TaleSpin; this episode would be a DUD easily; but it's COMEDY BABY! Drake still doesn't get it because he is numb to the violence. Death reference number eight commences and Gloria sees the Hench phantom which causes Gloria to recall at least ten of her husband's names. Nice to see she hasn't forgotten how ungrateful she WAS at them. Drake then finally gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as the photos of everyone injured commences. The writers are clearly wasting time to show how stupid Drake really is because we knew Tusker was behind it about eight minutes into the episode. We SAW the scene where he admitted it. Death Reference #9 and #10 commences and you're still not up to Bearly Alive's 17 death references so you are screwed Drake as usual since he cannot get his gas gun. Tusker does the stick in the oil spot again as he laughs it up. He goes for the final take; but the alarm sound commences and the fake phantom shows up (Gosalyn and Honker) ; but the cloth get caught into the spotlight and they are BUSTED!! Funny sounds from Gosalyn though.

We continue on inside the lion cage with Gosalyn and Honker tied up now as Tusker prepares for the final death scene to commence as he's ready to invoke the plunger on them. However; the real phantom shows up again which Tusker foolishly blows off. Now wait a minute! I thought the phantom scene was over? Don't ask; I'm not going to call that a logic break..yet. Tusker gets tied up into the lion cage this time around. Tusker demands that Drake save him and the phantom reveals himself as the Police Guard! SWEVRE!! He takes off the fake mustache to reveal that he's really Newt Blemmer; Gloria's first husband. Now Gloria starts to stutter. That is just peachy. Death reference number 11 commences as Gloria thought he died in a lemming stampede. See, Newt gave up an acting career to be with Gloria. He's really a house husband which Gloria blows off because he was a failure at that. So you now admit that you tried to kill him huh Gloria? No wonder he wants to MURDER YOU NOW! FOR REAL! AND TAKE ONE CRIMINAL, THREE HENCHMEN, ONE MOVIE EXEC, ONE PILOT and TWO CHILDREN?! This really is all her fault!

Mr. Effet is so right! Drake finally invokes the gas gun on Newt who is grandstanding like a stupid idiot actor would. The PELLET OF DOOM drops in front of him and opens up to reveal a hand who drives a stake in the ground. Newt is foolishly next to it and there's OIL IN THEM HILLS...AGAIN!! Newt is POPPED RIGHT OUT OF THE STUDIO and died from his injures. Apparently as Drake, Mr. Effet, Launchpad, Gosalyn, Honker and Gloria are out of the lion's cage. Drake calls him criminally untalented. Speak for yourself Drake Mallard! Tusker whines in his cage and reminds everyone that the movie is not finished. Because there is OIL IN THEM STUDIO; the movie exec can finish the movie now without financial hardship. Gloria disagrees with that and Gosalyn takes his side and does the brilliant acting of laughs to amuse me. Everyone except Drake gets into an argument of course about this which is pretty funny so Drake cuts in to stop it. Because he's the star of the show and gets top billing...The end so claims Drake as the episode ends at 21:25. I don't care if the logic breaks were there; or there was no suspense; it's COMEDY BABY and this time it worked for a change. Fun episode! **** 1/2 ( 90%)


It was a redo episode of A Star Is Torn and I'm sure that many people were upset because it had absolutely no suspense; a lot of logic breaks and lots of cracks at TaleSpin's perfect balance. That's all true; except that Darkwing Duck isn't a drama series. It's a comedy series and it worked to a tee in this one. It was absolutely funny from start to finish as everyone played their parts well. Drake in full ego trip mode and in the right context; Gosalyn and Honker trying to give ideas to the movie exec, the over the top panic movie exec, screeching Gloria, THE FOUR PHANTOMS OF DOOM, the Police Guard plot twist which turned out to be Gloria's husband and paying off all the times Drake got popped out of the movie studios by getting popped himself, 11 death references and some excellent bad acting by the actors and the babyfaces themselves. If this was TaleSpin it would be an easy DUD; here, it was in the correct context and it served its purpose of the premise. And that's what cartoons are supposed to do. The 1/2* off was some spots blown by Sun Woo. Next up isn't so good and that's Can't Bayou Love with the debut of Jimbayla Jake and the gator from The Sound & The Fury.

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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