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Can't Bayou Love
Reviewed: 05/04/2007
Is this Crazy Eddy's dumb hick cousin or somethin?!
Well; this is the episode that I've been dreading to rant on since I started doing Darkwing Duck. It was bad enough when minor babyface hicks were involved in Nightmare of the Living Spud. Now; we have a major villian hick with a gator that somehow escaped from Crazy Eddy (Sound & The Furry). So let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Dean Stefan and the story has been edited by the late Bruce Talkington. Finally; an episode not animated by Sun Woo as this one is being done by Walt Disney Animation Japan and the FOUR ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN. What's wrong with just WD-Japan and Tama only since Tama can animate better than Walt Disney Animation France can.
We begin inside a castle dining area which looks like a rib from Balooest of the Bluebloods as classical music plays in the background. Now there is a music faux pas if I ever saw one for this series; but it's COMEDY BABY! We see that this is really a dogperson woman with a red dress and white fur scarf (and bad lipstick work there) about to show projection slides of endangered animals that they saved due to the Save The Bayou Foundation. I wonder if one of them is Kit Cloudkicker (and most of the Gargoyles for that matter) since dramatic characters are an endangered spieces on Disney Television. Sadly; the slide shows herself in a Guy Ladouce outfit so apparently this is all a joke that I don't find funny at all. She also using the white pointing stick which proves the whole speak softly, carry big stick is a RED FACED LIE. She claims that she has a slide of a rare animal that is probably made up by the writers just to show that the Kamquats incident in Sheepskin Deep wasn't a fluke. However; a large gator smashes through the projection screen and everyone screams....badly...and scatters away since we all know that's the steroid gator from Apes of Wrath. See; he took my advice after all.
He is known as Gumbo and he's already over as far as I'm concerned; but then enters a midget dogsperson hick (check the overalls and he's barefoot) enter through the screen as Gumbo takes a wussy bump on the ground. Oh well; the fall was wussy so it's all right. The midget is Jambalaya Jake (Micahel Gough) and he's insane...and terrible I might add. See he has CRASHED A BENEFIT SLIDE PROJECTOR SHOW because he's Bayou bred. I guess Bayou is french for talentless after all. Okay; it's not but I need something to use as a joke since the crap villian has showed up. He runs around and up the pillar sniffing the money in the GLASS BOWL OF SHATTERED DREAMS saying I guarantee. Memo to Jake: Leatherhead called; he says your version of the catchphrase sucks like crap...I GUARAN-TEE!! He wants to steal the money and quite frankly I'm on the fat lady's side of thing. Strange; she looks exactly like that dogsperson woman who no-sold Bushroot in Night of the Living Spud. The fact that her selling stinks HERE adds credit to my theory. FAT NO-SELL LADY with the backhands which are so lame even Donald Trump would fire her on the spot and takes the money anyway from Jake. Jake goes for the dreaded DOUBLE NEGATIVE OF DEATH to continue to annoy me to no end and demands the money as Gumbo goes after the slide projector man (dogsperson wearing a green suit in a chair).
GREEN SUIT#1 actually sells better than the entire public including the FAT NO-SELL LADY and jumps out of his clothes in a nifty spot as Gumbo is going after the devil eggs because he apparently wants to really suck eggs to demonstrate how much Jake sucks eggs. Hey; Gumbo's a carrying this one fellas. FAT NO-SELL LADY and Jake fight over the money and this is really a yawner of a fight as Jake says she's really going to get it now. All right; a woman's finally going to get her butt kicked by a man on a Disney cartoon...Oh CRAP! Jake invokes the KISS OF DEATH right on her lips thinking that she'll become his zombie slave; I guess. Jake gets the money of course as the animation is pretty good here for a change. She gags on the spot because it sucked and sallow so to speak. Jake decides to talk some more instead of...you know...escaping the scene of the crime! That's a sure sign of a terrible heel for life. NEVER TALK MORE THAN THREE WORDS BEFORE YOU ESCAPE!
Gumbo continues to eat all the catering stuff to amuse me and I wish he would turn around and say in Piper voice: YOU STINK! (pointing to Jake) YOU STINK! (to FAT NO-SELL LADY) AND THE WHOLE DAMN EPISODE STINKS! Then he would be REALLY OVER. But this is Disney; so I suffer. Jake decides to blow even Gumbo's fun and dunks his head into the turtle soup. Funny how this group is saving the endangered animals in the Bayou and yet they have food which was with animals killed from the Bayou. Hidden PETA message perchance?! Never mind; Jake is grossing me out here. He has the green beard as he tilts his head up and thankfully; the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons early (which means this episode is going to suck big time!) at 2:30:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the scourge..... that pecks at your nightmares and....
He stops because Launchpad (as per in his contract) does some funny spots involving the projector light and his hands just to make Drake stutter and annoy him. Too funny and a cute promo to boot. When Drake is carrying episodes; this is trouble. Drake is angry because he's in EGO TRIP MODE and therefore anyone interfering in his full of himself promos will be buried according to Michael Eisner who signed Drake's contract; I guess. Drake attempts the promo AGAIN and FAT NO-SELL LADY stops him. Oh; so now she starts selling properly, and it's anger which is the only emotion she CAN sell properly. Drake attempts it a third time and he blows it badly; so he goes for the gas gun and invokes it on the escaping hick and his crock...Errr...croc....UGH! Gumbo...Much better! It's the rope plunger and it hooks onto the glass. Jake tries to hang on (complete with Hanna Barbera looping effect and running sound effect. If Sun Woo was animating then you would know that you are watching a classic. Since it's not; it is merely terrible); but Drake wins that round and catches Jake in the big ass catcher's mitt!
Drake grabs the midget and makes fun of his size and decides to throw him back....in jail! Hey; Drake is warming up to me after all. Then again; it's Jambalya Jake we are dealing with here so anything to kill this terrible characters heat would be a blessing. FAT NO-SELL LADY thanks him and rightfully as Gumbo saves Jake which lowers my respect for him a notch. Gumbo runs away and into the elevator as he takes a wussy bump against the elevator. Bad, bad spot there animators as Gumbo opens the elevator doors up and Jake climbs the thick wires. Jake threatens Gumbo with city folk stereotypes to remind him to stay loyal to Jake as Gumbo gets the horrible images of him being made into various stereotypical products like shoes and luggage. No wonder people think PETA's the biggest heel in the world. Gumbo jumps into the elevator and the doors shuts just as Drake invokes the rope plunger and misses by a country mile. That would have been a cute spot if it missed by about six inches, but I guess logic doesn't apply anymore in this episode. Drake reels himself in from the window and runs into the lit candles. Really cheap gag there Dean and with absolutely no context or buildup or even logic in it either. Drake does the delay sniff spot and yelling spot and jumping spot so he lands into the punch bowl. Really contrived spot there guys. Launchpad blows Drake off in a nice way to show that even he hated the spot too. I mean that spot is why Darkwing Duck gets no respect: It's a cheap laugh to tug at the children while making absolutely no sense and it was a redo spot to boot as well.
We go into the streets in the CITY OF SAINT CANARD as Jake and Gumbo are in the sewers and those sewers are bigger than Cape Suzette's are. Which makes sense since they have a Southern style cabin complete with docks built in there. No wonder Saint Canard has a criminal problem here. Jake eats a fish to show just how mean he is. It fails worse than Fake Rosie Vs. Fake Donald Trump that Vinnie Mac tried on an episode of RAW. Poor widdle fish; eaten by a terrible character in a lame attempt to get heat on himself. Gumbo of course sweeps up the fish bone to show that he's got some heat...and it's all BABYFACE HEAT. Jake uses the fish to slap Gumbo around while acting insane because Drake ruined his party. For once; Drake burying someone actually has it's benefits. I just hope Drake realizes that since Baloo and Kit know how to pull it off well. Gumbo dodges it to prove that he's better than Jake in every respect. Please let Gumbo carry the episode Dean Stefan.
Sadly; Jake does hit him hard in the face with the COD OF DEATH and I'm really ticked off now for that spot because Gumbo sold the move when he shouldn't have. Jake continues to talk and it's all lame southern hick talk as he eats another raw fish. I'm not going to bother trying to explain why he's doing something that is failing because it is pointless to try....oh; and let's rip off Leatherhead's cool catchphrase and do it in lame fashion. Gumbo tries to catch the fish bone with the dustpan; but does a cute spot where he misses and falls into the sewers. We return topside as the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons and for some reason it is actually a good thing to hear which shows just how bad Jake is as we go to the hideout of DARKWING...DUCK as Drake is using the pink telescope to flush out criminals. As if a pink telescope would strike fear into criminals; but then again Drake is full of himself which in this case isn't so bad. Drake also does the giant eyeball spot to amuse me (a rare moment for Drake indeed). Drake looks around and notices smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH...and Drake agrees with me). Which is enough for Drake to turn around and scream that the city is on FIRE!
Which means it is probably not as Drake is hyper selling the whole thing which is gosh darn funny that I nearly spat out my drink hearing it. How ironic that Drake would pick THIS EPISODE to finally get monster over. Of course; it's Launchpad with the plate of brownies that caused the smoke just to make it funnier. Now that's a excellent spot which is built up and really funny. Drake is afraid of LP's handiwork as he tries one. LP states that he got the recipe from the Gulping Gourmet which I have no idea who Dean is parodying so don't ask me about it. Drake eats it as LP improvised the brownies which means that Drake is going to do the fire alarm and he does and it's as lame as Nightmare of the Living Spud. Drake runs around a bit and goes to the conveniently placed water cooler and drinks the whole bottle. LP offers Drake another chili brownie; but Drake is swearing on the liquid diet until LP eats those brownies and does a better fire alarm spot I guess. Drake walks away complete with the BOUNCING WATERY MIDSECTION OF DOOM which is pretty cute and in the correct context for the previous spot. Nice to see Dean finally getting the point about building spots.
We head to the bank for VILLIAN BANK ROBBERY #1287 because you know why. I don't need to explain it again. We head inside as Gumbo is pulling on the ROPE OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE as Jake pulls away a catfish to make him pull harder. I don't know who to pity here: Gumbo or the Cat Fish. It's a toss up to be sure. Gumbo manages to pull the safe door right out of it's place and it flies and takes a MAN-SIZED bump right into Jake and the wall. Now there's a fitting spot for that flat midget because he's really flat in body and in character. Gumbo then has din-din with the catfish. I think it's safe to say that Gumbo earned that one. Jake mumbles and Gumbo is forced to help his master because he's a henchmen in this one. Gumbo removes the safe doom and blows up Jake which provokes Jake to threaten him with making him into footwear while invoking the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH. If I were Gumbo; I would eat him like he did with Drake back in Apes of Wrath. Jake's southern talk is REALLY annoying me at this point too as Jake and Gumbo enter the safe to get the money.
Gumbo turns on the lights because he isn't the midget in this episode and there is a mother lode of money! Gumbo gets to play the role of the gator bag man which is an unfunny joke since it's Jake doing it. Jake actually does ALL THE WORK here while Gumbo does NOTHING...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! The smoke cloud beckons (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH...which is good because Jake should die from lung cancer so Gumbo can shine as a character) and DARKWING...DUCK appears right in front of him. Memo to Drake: You should have got them from behind. Then you would have a better chance of stopping them. It's not a logic break; it's a case of Drake being REALLY STUPID as usual. Jake wants to know how Drake found them and Drake comments about burglar alarms. They shrug their shoulders because they are country folk who live in a CITY SEWER. Yeah; I don't get it either as Drake does more midget jokes which drives Jake insane. I don't care if this is an offense to short people; Jake is a terrible character and he deserves it.
Gumbo saves him from himself and he's the only reason why Jake hasn't been caught yet. Launchpad blocks the exit which would have been smart if he were strong enough to take on Gumbo and Gumbo tackles him out of the way and leaves. Nice bump from Launchpad as the money is left behind so to speak in LP's mouth. That was pretty cute as the lights go out again. This must be the Paul Hayman Savings and Loan Bank and Drake foolishly walks in the dark being so full of himself as he stubs his toe on the wastepaper basket. Drake's webfoot turns into a human foot on that spot. Man; that bucket had some voodoo magic on it to do that spot. Drake sits on the chair and realizes that he cannot see in the dark. You have got to eat more carrots Drake; or is that too close to...wait for it...SUPERBUNNY! I have got to rant on Ruby & Max at some point. He then manages to jump onto the desk without any problem and that kills the whole can't see thing dead. He then invokes the cigar lighter and that allows the sprinklers to rain on Drake and his lighter.
So we got past the anti-smoking message and anti-fire setting message stage now which creates a flood which washes out Jake and Gumbo right out of the bank. Jake actually screams better than FAT NO SELL LADY as Jake and Gumbo fall right into a street vent and back into the sewers. Finally; a robbery attempt that was actually foiled by DARKWING...DUCK! Bad sign of a bad villian right there. We head into the sewers as Jake is on the table while Gumbo messages his...well..back in front of the cabin. Jake has had enough of Drake's interference and I don't feel any love for him so I don't care. Anything to end this episode would do and Drake is trying hard to do so. Gumbo stretches the rubbery arms of Jake as Jake is fixed. I just wish it was fixed like a dog so it won't procreate anymore. Jake wants to do it his style which is to set a trap and choke Drake to death using Gumbo to demonstrate that point. Gumbo's selling was awesome; the spot was good and Jake still is terrible which is par for the course. Jake also slaps Gumbo just to annoy me further even though Gumbo is game to sell with the extended tongue spot. Gumbo is carrying this one fellas!
We head topside again as Drake is riding his motorcycle in the CITY OF SAINT CANARD while LP is the back seat driver wanting Drake to try his brownies again. LP eats the brownies and no fire alarm occurs and that's logic break #1 for the episode. Drake refuses as usual as the real fire alarm beckons as Drake drives to the scene which looks to be a fake pawn shop. Jake and Gumbo run out as they have the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN in action. They notice Drake and run away from the flashlights as Drake and LP stop at the jewelry store. Drake decides to check it out as he runs towards it while Jake and Gumbo hide underneath the sewers. Jake decides that Launchpad will be bait for their plan to work. Drake tiptoes to the wall as he points to the inside of the alley and then goes into his usual VOICEOVER OF DOOM complete with gas gun as Launchpad gets behind the other wall.
He runs in and we see the alleyway which has the trashcan completed with animated flies because apparently; the ANIMATORS BY COMMITTEE decided that a pointless spot needed to be fully animated like a movie. Drake checks the trashcan and there's an orange cat in it which scares Drake stiff. Oh please Drake; you'll NEVER leave THAT down if people found out about it. The orange cat runs away and claws right onto LP which forces LP to drop his chili brownies. Drake breathes in a panic which really makes him look bad as he threatens the cat with violence. Yeah; Drake is REALLY STUPID. Just accept it and move on as they walk away. Jake takes the brownie while Drake and LP do not notice him at all. He sniffs it and it smells foul in Jake's mind. Gumbo steals it and sniffs it and has a radically different opinion about it because he sets the dining table complete with candlelight which is logic break #2; but I don't care. Jake tells him to drop the spot and hunker down like a dog because the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN is in action. Somehow; Jake makes his plans more useless and pointless than Mimi does. Jake does the dog-sniffing spot as he walks away while Gumbo rightfully blows it off. Like he's really a dog. Jake is a moral midget of the worse kind if he thinks that he's over to force Gumbo to do THAT spot.
We head to Drake's house as Launchpad is in the kitchen baking more chili brownies for Gosalyn and Honker who are returning to summer camp. Wonder how much Drake paid Gosalyn to go there and I don't mean summer camp; I mean Gosalyn herself? Launchpad takes the brownies out of the oven and slams the door with his foot. Now that's a LIGHTNING FOOT~! Launchpad puts the chili brownies onto the window sill because that is what all stereotypical bakers do. Unless it's Rebecca doing the cookie jar spot on the window during her singing of Home Is Where The Heart Is. LP loves brownies as he takes the oven mitts off while we see Jake and Gumbo on the window sill. Gumbo's got a sweet tooth there as he wants them brownies; but LP turns around and the heels are forced to drop down.
Well; one heel and a bad character anyway. Launchpad decides to call it a night as he turns off the lights and leaves the kitchen. Gumbo tries to climb through the window; but the lights go on and Gumbo is forced to drop down again as Launchpad re-enters. Launchpad grabs about half of the brownies for the night shift (before eating the rest of them for breakfast) and puts them in his hat. EWWWWWW! Gumbo is clearly ticked off because he completely destroys the wall which causes Launchpad to fly and take a really good bump into the wall. Sadly; the sound man screwed the spot. Launchpad looks towards the destroyed wall and we see an upside visual of Jake and Gumbo ready to kidnap Launchpad. LP tries to get up; but Jake invokes the BAG OF SHAME and it actually captures Launchpad. What a really stupid spot that was?! Gumbo grabs him by the ankles and stuffs him into another bag which was much better. Memo to Jake: LET GUMBO CARRY THE DARN EPISODE! Jake swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (son of a gun) which I liked a lot better when BALOO was swearing it on his bloody honor. Launchpad struggles but no go as Gumbo eats a brownie to end the segment almost 11 minutes in. Well; Gumbo is carrying this episode, but it's not past average, that's for sure fellas. Jake is ruining it for me as I expected him to do so.
After the commercial break; we head back into the kitchen which is still destroyed (nice CONTINUITY from the ANIMATION BY COMMITTEE) as Drake runs in and notices that Launchpad is gone. He checks for clues even though it's clear who did this evil deed. Launchpad scream...badly...for help which proves my theory as DARKWING....DUCK (in his Zorro Gear) runs into the CITY OF SAINT CANARD after Launchpad as he notices Jake and Gumbo running away into an alleyway. Drake calls this a major boo-boo and laughs because Jake is a really bad character to try to run away from DARKWING.. DUCK! Okay; maybe not. Actually it's a dead end in order to get at least one death reference into this episode. Drake sneaks into position and demands that Jake and Gumbo surrender and after a long full of himself promo; Drake sees NOTHING..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Drake gets screwed while cutting an EGO TRIP promo; what a shock?!
Death reference number two as we see Jake and Gumbo doing the hold up building spot about ten feet above Drake's little pinhead as Gumbo cannot hang on for long. Drake uses psychology to come to the conclusion that they doubled back on him so Drake walks stage right out of the alley. WOW; Drake used his brain because had he decided to stay; Gumbo would have lost his grip and squash Drake like a Zorro grape. Which is exactly what happens to Gumbo. Drake foolishly blows it off as stupid cats. On second though; he's still REALLY STUPID. We head to the zoo which looks like an animal version of the GREENHOUSE FROM HELL that Bushroot is using. I guess Jake threaten Bushroot with a zombie potion to make him even more weak to fire and cutting. Although he does gain strength against dark attacks which Drake uses I bet. It's full of exotic animals which means it's probably owned by FAT NO SELL LADY. Jake tickles the neck of an iguana and it likes it!
Launchpad is tied to the tree and is in his underwear suit and Jake ties some objects on him that really don't make sense to me. Then again; Jake is getting on my nerves so I really don't care anyway. He calls himself a snake in reference to Jake Roberts. Wow! Jake finally made a decent pun. Not a funny one though; no siree! Launchpad blows him off of course as he is awake. Oh; those jugs are Jake's Granny's Special bomb tonic! Granny appears in another episode which is on Disc 3 of Volume 1 (Shameless plug: DARKWING...DUCK Volume 2 will be released August 7th. Now what about TaleSpin Volume 2 you....Oh wait; never mind) Jake drops a bit of the bomb potion and it explodes violently which gives Jake a chuckle. Okay; so it's a liquid bomb; really smooth to do that in these times guys. Then again; this is pre-9/11 so there you go. Jake wires the bombs to the plunger and Gumbo gets the honor of MURDERING Launchpad...if he moves of course. Jake wants to play chicken Cajun style with Drake. Yeah; because Jake cannot allow Gumbo to carry an episode past the average and needs Drake to do it and he's no great shakes either. Jake leaves as Launchpad doesn't move a muscle. Jake must be carrying cement because I don't get the plan here.
We head into the streets in the CITY OF SAINT CANARD as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons as Drake rides the motorcycle in the city. When in doubt; cut the EGO TRIP promo; although this one is really off this time around. Drake stands up and takes the manhole cover which allows Drake to take a MAN-SIZED bump off his motorcycle into the brick wall and the manhole cover! Finally; someone has shut him up!! Sadly; it's Jambalaya Jake behind it as Drake is FLAT AS A PANCAKE! Apparently; this is a game of the flapjack discus throw as we get more foreshadowing of Jake's Granny who is better than Jake I would hope. Drake dodges the manhole cover while doing his full of himself poses. I actually like the spot since it is good to bury Jake while we are at it. Drake thinks that he's won; but the manhole cover actually destroyed the brick wall and Drake takes them.
Sadly; the bumps are all wussy. Come on Disney; it's A FREAKIN BRICK WALL. Those bumps have to be MAN-SIZED. Jake blows him off and then does the EAR CLAP OF DEATH with the manhole cover. I guess Roddy Piper was training him and he did a terrible job here. Drake no-sells (YAY! Sort of) as Jake continues to mock him to find Launchpad. He also leaves a trail of clothes on the street which Drake blows off getting off the pond scum reference. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Jake of course blows his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN on Drake as he hides in the sewers laughing. I am literally trying to yell to Drake that Launchpad is at the zoo so this episode can end quickly; but it doesn't work so I must suffer on kiddies. Drake carries LP's underwear just to insult me as we return to the zoo as Launchpad is struggling to get free. Memo to Launchpad: Gumbo is ready to MURDER you so I wouldn't move because he's over you know. Launchpad gets his arms free but Gumbo manages to stop him from going any further.
Logic Break #3 for the episode because Gumbo should have just invoked the plunger and MURDER him. It makes the whole POTION OF BOMBS sequence earlier pointless. Lauchpad tries to bribe him with the chili brownie as he swipes one of them and does the candlelight dinner spot. I just never tire of that spot; it's soooooo cute! Launchpad tries to grab Gumbo's mouth; but Gumbo snaps to keep Launchpad at bay. We head back to the streets in THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD as Drake follows the clothes that lead into the abandoned building. Drake calls it a dump as we see Jake inside the wrecking ball machine as he swings the wrecking ball at Drake; but Drake ducks because he found a penny. Now this is turning into an Inspector Gadget episode; except Drake isn't dense like Gadget; he's REALLY STUPID! Drake cuts a penny good luck promo which is just there to suck and he finally gets MURDERED by the wrecking ball taking the BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON into a pile of rubble.
Drake is growing a grudging respect for Jake as I'm losing patience with Drake because he should have buried him. He buried Bushroot and almost buried Megavolt and now he won't bury Jake who deserves it. What is Dean Stefan thinking?! Jake is amazed by Drake's inability to quit and decides it's time for a personal touch. I do not like where this is going as Drake brushes himself off as the animators screw up the scene because there's little rubble left. Jake mocks him and exits stage left. Drake follows him as he poured wet cement across the ground about 20 feet across. That would be Logic Break #4 for the episode as Jake mocks him again. Well; I was right about what Jake was carrying at least. Drake doesn't buy it because he's REALLY STUPID; not because he has a sixth sense and calls it the oldest trick in the book. No Drake; the oldest trick in the book is having Eve seduce Adam to steal fruit from God. Drake steps onto the cement and Jake admits that Drake is right after all.
It's really quicksand which makes Drake look even stupider than before. Apparently; Louisiana is a real state in Darkwing Duck's world so this makes the TaleSpin World separate from it. Drake sinks into the gray quicksand which the animators at least made it suspenseful as Jake leaves the scene. Drake isn't giving up yet as he invokes the bazooka gas gun just for the special occasion and rockets right out of the quicksand. Good; I hate quicksand spots anyway. Drake flies into the air with the greatest of ease and then free-fall right into the abandoned building (all intentional so claims Drake) as he takes some really good bumps inside the building. OUCH! The front Cosby-Show door opens and Drake takes some decent bumps off the stairs before taking a good bump onto the ground with his face. What is the animator's obsession for making good bumps out of Drake bouncing his face? Honestly; I don't get it.
Jake isn't done though as he now invokes the LASSO OF BANE OF ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE just to make me hate him even more (in a bad way I might add) and there's a boomerang attached to it. Drake is confused on that spot along with me and it ties Drake up. Hey Jake; why not just tie a noose around his neck? It would have been way cooler than that contrived spot. Jake then proceeds to build a box around the spot where Drake is tied up for no reason other than to show his speedy building skills. He must have the Stunt Height Speedy Roids on this time round. The joke that keeps growing and bursting water sacs. The dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons as Drake blows Jake's plan and really I don't blame him for it. Sadly; Jake grows a brain and drives the cement truck tailpipe over Drake's head. I REALLY HATE IT when Jake outsmarts Drake as he pours cements into a box mold. Really silly spot there as Jake hops out and invokes the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT to destroy the mold box. It's quick drying cement as Jake mocks Drake and Leatherhead before leaving the scene to end the segment 17 minutes in. Drake should be burying this loser and yet he's attempt to put him over which is a losing prospect right now.
After the commercial break; we return to the cement block as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons from inside; proving that Drake is inhuman because he should be dead by now. Drake manages to blow up the cement block with his CYRO NUCLEAR GERNADE OF DEATH and Drake is alive. However; he is singed as he bumps all over the place including a good one to the head. Now that's more like that. We return to the zoo as Gumbo has stop selling and Launchpad is at his mercy. Sadly; the fun must end quickly because here comes Jake and he's mad because Gumbo's actually been fed for a change by a good character and not some loser like Jake. Gumbo wants to eat Launchpad's leg but Jake prevents that because the censors are watching I guess. LP thanks him but Jake wants to blow up LP for real. LP says that he'll have to answer to DARKWING...DUCK; but Jake says he's a dead duck while getting the third lame Leatherhead catchphrase in.
Third death reference it should be noted. Drake enters quickly to my delight and does a much better job cutting Leatherhead than Jake does. Good; bury the little moral midget now. Drake does the tarzan spot from Apes of Wrath (and it's in the opening sequence) and invokes the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DOOM on Jake's kisser which he takes a wussy bump from in the process. Sigh. Jake lands near a snake and he uses it as a weapon. You know that you are screwed as a heel when you use animal cruelty as a way to remotely get over. Stupid whirlwind spot occurs on Drake as a result. Please let this episode end now; it's too late to save it. Drake spins into a turtle to get the I Hate TMNT Because They Have Better Ratings (Funny that TaleSpin rarely resorted to that low) spot in and he falls into the Iguana pit which allows the iguana to have a little fun as per in his contract. Jake then invokes the bow and arrow as Launchpad screams...badly...for DARKWING... DUCK to move and he gets hit right into the chest!
However; before the PTC can get to their e-mails in protest, Drake saves himself with about a hundred pictures of himself. Wow; he found a use for his EGO TRIP MODE after all. I'm been proven wrong again. Drake of course goes into EGO TRIP MODE to blow off Launchpad because he's Drake Mallard EGO TRIP in the flesh. Let's add another midget joke to the BBQ as Launchpad declares that he got away. Drake is ticked off now that he slams the HUNDRED 8X10 EGO TRIPS OF DOOM right onto the plunger and the bomb potion finally explode. OUCH! That will leave a mark; on the pictures of himself of course. Drake and LP are all right as they are stuck inside the turtle shell in opposite directions. Okay; that was pretty funny as Drake cuts his dangerous promo which means the finish is close at hand thank goodness.
W head quickly into the sewers and we know this because there is a sewer rat there. We see Drake and Launchpad in the sewers searching for Jake and Gumbo as they exchange notes and Drake takes the last brownie. LP takes this as a sign that Drake will eat his cooking; but Drake blows it off because he's out of bombs. Yeah sure Drake; insult your sidekick. Even Baloo didn't do that to Kit unless Kit deserved it (See Stormy Weather). We then see Gumbo hiding behind a stone wall because he wants a brownie to do another cute dinner table spot for me I guess. I love it when Gumbo is game even though it's too late now to save the episode. LP and Drake stop because Drake can smell blood. LP thinks it's Drake's smarts but Drake lifts his leg to reveal the BEAR TRAP OF DEATH on his foot and he screams loudly to sell it after a funny monotone voice beforehand. Nice spot because I thought Drake was talking about Gumbo's tail which was clearly in Drake's line of sight.
LP goes over to Drake; but steps on Gumbo's tail hard and he growls loudly. YOU DON'T MESS WITH GUMBO SEE! Launchpad runs away as Gumbo chases him Drake tries to follow; but Jake stops him. Oh stop it already Dean! Let Gumbo carry the damn episode now! Jake wants to settle this with some wrestling or wrastlin as Jake calls it. He must have been part of MIDGET MADNESS (K-Tel thing again...Step aside Hulk Hogan! It's MIDGET MADNESS! No seriously; there's a videotape called that) section of the reality television series Wrestling for Dollars that Vinnie Mac was pitching. Drake blows him off and Jake sets the ground rules and proceeds to break every one of them of course. The ANVIL OF NEIDHARTS, HAMMER OF VALENTINES and DYNAMITE OF KIDS get involved of course as Drake does the cute bell ringing spot and explosion spot (Drake blows the TNT like a cigar and I think that spot was cut for Disney Channel).
This is actually getting good for a change as Drake respond with his KUNG FU LEGS OF FLIPPING DEATH and the basketball on the finger spot. This wrestling match doesn't suck by the way as Drake kicks Jake's butt out of the sewers. I think as we see Launchpad's butt at the mercy of Gumbo as LP is hanging onto a ladder above Gumbo's chomping. Since Gumbo is better than Jake we logically return to the match as Drake tries to finish this episode; but Jake comes back with the tomahawk ax. Yeah; let's get an Indian stereotype in there while we are at it. Where's Chief Running Gag when you REALLY NEED HIM Drake?! Drake dodges the chops of course with ease and mocks Jake. However; they proceed to do a contrived spot of backing up so Drake is close to taking the big bump into the WHIRLWATER OF DEATH below. It would have been better if he were only six inches away from death. Bad spot there Dean. Death Reference #4 commences as the lame Leatherhead catchphrase rears it's ugly head. Where's Leatherhead when you NEED HIM?! Drake goes into his armpits (EWWWW!!) and throws the smoke bomb at Jake which blinds him for a moment (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH). Drake is running rings all over this guy and that's a good thing as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 20:46:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the sewers...
Jake is stomping head on that spot and runs stage left and bumps into DARKWING....DUCK as he blows off Jake using the word stalked in his dialog. That's a little bit over the line there Drake as Jake proclaims that he'll never quit and Drake cannot make him. Drake then decides to use the chili brownie to get Gumbo's attention. You knew that tiny detail would be used as a finish as Drake whistles and puts the brownie right into Jake's overalls. That's enough for Gumbo to run and attack Jake as he runs away trying to get rid of the evidence. Launchpad thanks Drake for saving him as they see Jake running away from Gumbo as Jake gets into Gumbo's beak to stop him from chomping; however, they jump over into the whirlpool and take the big contrived bump into the water below. LP thinks it's over but Drake knows that they'll be back on Disc three. Okay; he didn't say that; but it's going to happen and I'll be ready to suffer for it as we see Gumbo and Jake are all right as Gumbo is the boat in this outfit to further show that he's a mere sidekick to Jake as Jake threatens violence on Gumbo's sweet tooth and on Drake. Jake's laugh is absolutely hideous and the reaction by Drake and Launchpad prove that I'm right on this one. Drake proclaims that this is not over as the episode ends at 21:14. Thank goodness it is over and it was all right when Gumbo was on and Drake was burying Jake; but Jake ruined the entire episode as a whole and it couldn't recover.. * ( 20%)
THE REVIEW LINE
This was an episode that I dreaded from day one when I plan to rant on this show and it came to past as this seems to be put together with chewing gum and had a really unlikable character who tried to ripoff the TMNT Leatherhead and did a hideous job. Gumbo on the other hand did please me with some spot; but really he was a non-factor right into the second act onward since Jake was the main bad guy and had all the screen time to himself. No matter how much Michael Gough tried; Jake stinks as a character and his voice was Southern stereotypical hick and no more. I was cheering for Drake to bury this loser and yet he attempted to put him over. Why didn't he do that to Bushroot who is a much better character? It was so out of place. The animation was actually pretty good and had few logic breaks; but it had a lot of contrived jokes and it didn't have the ability the rise above something other than an attempt to mock the higher rated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The finish was ultra-contrived because I don't want to see Jake ever again and yet he must return in a later episode. Launchpad was a non-factor as well which I expected to happen. It's just another example of Cartoon Duck writing by Dean Stefan who wrote some really excellent episode in TaleSpin and to see him write this stinker was really sad to me. Bearskin Thug is next and it's Gosalyn's camping trip gone aye by Stealbeak. It'll be an improvement; but not by very much I'm afraid.
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.