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Days of Blunder

Reviewed: 05/18/2007


Time to start off Disc Three with the debut of Quackerjack and this guy I really do love to be quite honest. I thought this episode would be the one involving Gosalyn and all the gullible kids including Honker and Tank; but it's not. So let's rant on shall we...

The episode is written by Jan Strnad and the story has been edited by Carter Crocker. ..and those nasty Disney people start Disc Three off with Sun Woo Animation (#11 in this volume). They love ticking me off with that hit or miss company.

We begin outside the CITY OF SAINT CANARD at a sports arena where a boxing match is taking place. I don't quite get it. If you have an episode that is a parody of Days of Thunder; why not have a parody of a stock car race instead of a parody of a boxing match. Okay; I take it back; the announcer says it's actually wrestling as we go inside the arena where the PA system scream from the top of their lungs thanks to the nothing of note ring announcer in the ring which looks like a ring which is five feet shorter in both directions than an average WWE ring. . I'm surprised that WWE and Disney didn't make a deal here to have then come together since WWE and Disney were compared to one another at the time of this animated series. I suspect that we will see a Bugs Bunny helicopter ear spot before this match is over. The arena is called Strangle Hold arena which sound like something Vinnie Mac would do when his kidneys were the size of pine cone seeds now due to the roids. And just to annoy me; it's a charity match between the Dee-readed (his words, not mine) Masked Mangler which is clearly the heel judging by the boos in the crowd. The amazing thing here is that Sun Woo hasn't blown any spots yet.

The Masked Mangler can juggle the SAFE OF DOOM, FRIDGE OF SPRINGING DEATH and the ANVIL OF NEIDHART. He's about Andre's size and height, with Kevin Nash's legs and a red/orange bodysuit along with blue rubber shoes and red trucks which look like they will cause a malfunction any second now. I suspect this is the Wrestling for Dollars event that Launchpad was talking about back in Apes of Wrath. Anyhow; the opposition is of course DARKWING...DUCK! When in doubt; do a parody of Spiderman's early days. He's in the corner getting prepared by Gosalyn and Launchpad. Gosalyn of course cuts the promo to Drake to watch out for ROID FREAK OF DOOM to which Drake blows it off because wrestling is fake you see. You better hope that is not Fit Finlay in that disguise or else you are a DEADWING....DUCK! Then again; Fit would NEVER be caught dead in that cheesy outfit. Although he would be caught dead with Hornswaggle (used to be called Little Bastard for those who watch Smackdown before the name change) so I guess it wouldn't be out of place for him anymore.

Gosalyn is aware of it and she's smarter than Launchpad as usual. Drake comes out of the corner and Mangler gives him the HANDSHAKE OF DOOM and smashes Drake from side to side. If only Eugene could invoke that move. Excellent MAN-SIZED bumping from Drake as he is freed and spins around on the canvas. Drake gets up and still doesn't get the fact that wrestling is not that fake after all. At least Drake's learning how to work a wrestling match as he invokes all of his lame LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION moves on Mangler and Mangler doesn't sell any of it. He makes Hawk look like Ricky Steamboat and of course it's all intentional by the writers. Drake tries the chin locks and cannot do that properly. Mangler gleefully no-sell. I'm glad I'm ranting on this cartoon because it gives me material to work for when I start ranting on the semi-real thing with WWE. Drake blows up about thirty seconds in (what a shock?!) which in wrestling terms means the guy is completely out of energy and now Mangler has to do the work load now. Drake blows him off as the crowd boos him.

You know something Drake; talking out loud is a perfect way to get booed out of the business since it exposes the business. Mangler takes over and invokes the RACK OF DEATH on Drake which is tons more painful than Lex Luger's Human Torture EVER WAS and blows Drake up like a balloon. Oh goodie; he's injecting the AIR ROIDS into Drake; how cute! He of course does a beautiful MR. SALTY OF DOOM to twist Drake in places that Drake didn't know he had places. Launchpad comments that Drake fakes pain very well even Drake is completely no-selling the entire thing. Gosalyn is realizing that this is now a shoot wrestling match (Shoot wrestling means they don't pull their punches or protect bodies from suplexes, bodyslams etc.) and it's time to invoke some distracting. Because all wrestling matches are just bad boxing matches without the art of cheating. And now; the Spiderman Early Day's parody commences as we see good old Quackerjack and his KILLER TEDDYBEAR OF DEATH enter complete with the sack of money. Launchpad notices it right away but Gosalyn is too concerned about the well being of Drake to care as Drake notices QJ while still in pain. I love Quackerjack; he's a cross between Bugs Bunny in that episode involving the Singing Sword, a duck and the Joker without facepaint. I always love him, he was a funny little toymaker.

Mangler signals for the Octopus Hold (which only Stampede, Dynamite Kid and Owen Hart fans would know what the hold implies) as Drake wants some help here. Launchpad enters the ring as Gosalyn invokes the slingshot to deflate Drake. Sadly; it won't deflate his ego I just know it. Launchpad blows Drake up and I suspect the Sportz Entertainment Finish (Vince Russo invented this one- basically a match that is declared no contest or no decision was rendered) is at hand. Drake runs towards Quackerjack (voiced by Michael Bell) while Launchpad is grabbed by Mangler to be put into the BALLOON POODLE HOLD OF DEATH. Hopefully; Launchpad will sell better than Drake does as we go into a cute spot where the ring announcer announces that Launchpad has taken over (complete with announcer getting confused and Gosalyn whispering into his ear) as the Head Ripper. If only as we commence to Quackerjack starting the engines to the Toy Boat Hot Rod. Now that's a quality villain car that is in the correct context. It blows smokes (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR MOVIE RATING) as Drake turns REALLY STUPID (as if thinking Wrestling For Dollars was fake was stupid enough?) as he gets in front of the Hot Rod to stop Quackerjack; but QJ speeds on by as Drake is forced to grab on to the back like the backseat driver that he is. Quackerjack decides to give Drake what he wants and he stops the Toy Boat Hot Rod which throws Drake away like a really bad habit as Drake takes a really big MAN-SIZED bump right into the yellow walled arena.

I guess that's to show any cowardly heels the color of the stripe down their backs as the announcer sezs that Launchpad has turned the match around in his favor as Launchpad invokes the dreaded THUMB SQUEEZE OF DEATH on Mangler and he taps!! Launchpad is the new heavyweight champion of the world of wrestling. That is just too funny for words and that's really the first spot Launchpad has done right since joining DARKWING...DUCK. And it took 19 episodes too...or maybe not as this is a no submission match as the referee counts (and apparently a no DQ, no count out either) two before Quackerjack arrives and takes a MAN-SIZED bump off the hot rod and takes a decent bump to take out the referee. Because that's what a real wrestling match needs: A ref bump. And it's the shoulders that should be down for the pin; not the arms. That's bad as Quackerjack decides to use PSYCHOLOGY by claiming that DARKWING..DUCK is demented. I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments (hey; it fits here) as Drake arrives in the motorcycle and he looks demented. Drake jumps into the ring and demands that Quackjack surrender the money. The referee (or promoter depending on your point of view) arrives and wants answers as Drake claims that Quackerjack is stealing the box office money from him. The referee checks the bag and it is the money. Except that it's Quackerjack's funny money! SCORE! The announcer blows Drake off as Drake leaves the ring in dramatic fashion as the fans laugh and boo him right out of the building. Now that is psychological warfare at it's best as Gosalyn is SHOCKED as Drake isn't taking it well at all. That scene alone lasted nearly six minutes it should be noted and I enjoyed every second of it.

We head to an empty ring where Drake is sulking like a baby which is so funny that even I have to admire the selling Drake is doing. I just wish he would sell pain properly during the actual wrestling match since he makes Hawk look like a genius. Drake doesn't understand why Quackerjack would steal his own money as Quackerjack in a newshound disguise tells him that Quackerjack will rob the First National bank soon. Considering that you can clearly see Quackerjack's red elf shoes and ringing bell hat/mask combo, you would think that Drake would have noticed and arrested Quackerjack for impersonating a newshound; but of course Drake is REALLY STUPID. Apparently; a bomb will be hidden inside a rubber chicken too. Drake sells it as if this is real. As I said earlier; it is usually the adults who cannot tell fantasy from reality otherwise we would have a lot less lawyers in our justice system. Quackerjack scatters before Drake can get his name which means it was Quackerjack of course and even Gosalyn isn't buying it. Drake of course blows it off because safety is always first. Nice to see Binky's influence is rubbing off on him...and of course Drake wants revenge. You would also think that revenge is served cold as a flounder; but then again Drake is...say it with me...REALLY STUPID. So we head to the First National Bank inside the CITY OF SAINT CANARD as Quackerjack is already there to rob it. Well; at least Quackerjack kept his word of actually being there so the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 6:19:

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks.

I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. The smoke cloud beckons (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) . Quackerjack calls Drake's bluff with the CHICKEN BOMB OF DEATH. Drake gasps in Quackerjack plays more mind games by stretching the rubber chicken bomb. See; Drake is putting Quackerjack over which isn't hard given that Quackerjack is doing an awesome job of putting himself over with me. Bushroot tried; but got the wrath of Drake's burying. Drake then foolishly tells Quackerjack to put the chicken down while begging for mercy. Isn't it amazing that Drake is not acting REALLY STUPID and yet is acting REALLY STUPID at the same time? Now that's psychology as Quackerjack throws the chicken over his shoulder and it lands right onto the bank sercuity guard's foot. Drake jumps up towards the bank officer and lands with a decent bump right now his chin screaming at him to look out because the chicken bomb will explode any second. The employees don't sell as a lady clerk behind the counter is doing her fingernails. We go to Drake's house as Gosalyn and Launchpad are watching television.

Dan Gander (well they had Dog Rather for TaleSpin so don't be shocked) is reporting outside of First National Bank as Dan Gander (a news reporter duck with nice fashion sense) is saying that Drake is clinging onto the chicken for dear life and Drake just so happens to clinging onto it for ten straight hours. I think it's safe to say that chicken bomb is a DUD; unlike this episode so far. This is just so funny as the clean sweeper duck is sweeping the ground to add a nice touch to Drake's crazy antics. If this were real life; Drake would be seeing professional help at this point for mental illness. Gosalyn and Launchpad are pretty embarrassed and worried about Drake's sanity. I would question his sobriety too guys even if Disney won't allow alcohol references on the Disney Afternoon. Whirlwind scene changer ensues because this episode needs more windbags at this point as Gosalyn and Launchpad enter the bank to help Drake stop be so crazy and insane. Drake screams for them to get out of here because the bomb is going to explode at any moment. Drake Mallard; it's all right. I suffered from mental illness before; it's not going to be a death sentence for you so please let go of the bomb.

Drake then realizes finally after ten hours of laughs (at his expense of course) that it isn't a bomb when Gosalyn pulls on it and that is that. We go out of the bank as Gosalyn, Launchpad help cheer up Drake as he is sulking once again. I would love to call this an honest mistake; but seeing that Quackerjack's red elf shoes were clearly in sight; color me unimpressed. Drake blows it off as Quackerjack dressed up as a psychologist known as Loon appears OUT OF NOWHERE. Oh boy Jan; don't use names that create stigma or blow Quackerjack's cover. He's got a German accent because all great psychologists are from Germany right? My doctor was British; so the stereotype doesn't work anymore. He's Doctor Leopold L. Loon. Drake wants a mortician to bury his career. WOW! Drake is finally willing to bury his ego; the same one that buried Bushroot. This could be good as Loon uses complex words that even adults wouldn't get. Loon gives him his calling card and claim that he's fix Drake as he bounces away basically blowing his cover for Gosalyn. Gosalyn of course doesn't trust him because Loon is as flaky as Quackerjack. Drake isn't sure; but it couldn't hurt him. Riiight. Quackerjack is the ultimate killer of the rule in Thou Shalt Do No Harm.

We head to Doctor Loon's office and let the PSYCHOLOGIAL WARFARE commence. This shall be fun as Quackerjack assigns a duck which looks like a whacked out Scrooge McDuck who has no career direction and is a has been. Works fine for me as Quackerjack invokes the first test of psychology which will tell more about him than his mother would like to know. This is going to be great. It's basically the IQ test as Drake complains that the test has no hat. Apparently; Scrooge McDuck Has-Been has an issue at work as he would duck for cover. Then QJ invokes the old ROUGSETTE TEST OF DEATH on Drake just for fun. I see Drake fighting with Quackerjack. Most senile politicians would see naked boys according to MAD TV's world. Drake agrees with me kind of while Has Been sees two swans dancing. Doesn't that contradict his IQ test? Drake blows Has Been's answer off of course as we head to to sane couch as Has Been and Drake are doing some hypnosis via the WHEEL OF MORALITY...Ooops; wrong show. I meant; WHEEL OF WHACKY QUACKY. That's better.

Sun Woo manages to screw up the eye past sequence because it's Sun Woo. We now head to the inner region's of Drake's mind as he is a cave duck sleeping underneath a tree as the SMURF BUTTERFLY OF DEATH returns to live again on Drake's foot. We then hear grunts as we head up to the top where a big bully duck plays wedgie games like a yo-yo with a helpless cave duck. This would be the first documented episode of the intentional wedgie in Disney animation it should be noted. The helpless duck is praying which would be cut out of anime as the DREADED GRUNTOVER OF DOOM beckons at 9:51:

Caveman Duck: (translated) I am the terror that pounds in the chest! I am the wedgie that gets you eaten by a live dinosaur. I am CAVEMAN...DUCK!

Okay it's not...But I needed something to justify the joke. Drake appears complete the the club (since guns were not invented until at least a thousand years later) and he blitzes the bully duck and misses by about foot over his head. Wussy bump ensumes because it's Sun Woo and a wussy bump just couldn't stay out of an episode even in a flashback. Yeah; this is silly and full of logic breaks; but it's COMEDY BABY as Caveman Duck invokes the club and shatters to pieces again. I swear to God that Drake's family has shattered body syndrome after seeing that spot. Caveman invokes the dreaded jackhammer chops which the bully Cave duck gleefully no-sells. Hey; isn't this a repeat of the wrestling match from earlier in the episode? It creates the dreaded dust cloud (WHICH IS BAD FOR YOUR ALLERGIES!) as bully duck finally decides to stop no-selling and invoke the POWER OF THE PUNCH on Wonderdrake. Bully Duck gets in some social commentary on Drake's poor social skills as he invokes the SMASHING HANDSHAKE OF DOOM to MURDER Wonderdrake for my sick perverted pleasure.

Again; great bumping from Wonderdrake. Say it with me: Drake as an international object=funny. Of course Drake is fighting air and that isn't funny; that's plain sad as Loon snaps his fingers which snaps Drake and Has Been out of their funks. Has Been's name is Mr. Meekles as Quackerjack Loon returns to the desk and hands Mr. Meekles and Drake their tests. Drake gets the purple one since he's wearing the gay Zorro outfit and Meekles gets the RED BOOK OF LIES which means Drake's results are true while Mr. Meekles should get a second opinion. Okay; I was wrong, they swtiched the books. My mistake as always. One should be fighting crime; while one should be pouring tea at the Lace and Doily Society. I think we know which one Drake is getting since this is psychological warfare at it's best BABEE! I just love it when Drake's ego is deflated by someone I love to see get over on him. We return to Drake's house as the teapot is boiling on the stove and Gosalyn's temper is boiling over because Drake has quit the crime-fighting business...and that is bogus after all. You know it's a modern setting cartoon when Gosalyn sezs bogus. Drake takes his gay Zorro outfit and throws it into the trashbin(for the trashbin of course) as Drake proclaims himself a super zero and violates DUB ANIME CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou Shalt Not Rhyme..Because it's COOL!) as the segment ends 11 and a half minutes in. I am so loving this. Sure; Loon is clearly Quackerjack; but I think we all know that Drake is REALLY STUPID and it's getting Quackerjack over. It's so funny and it's psychological warfare at it's best..

After the commercial break; we return outside of Stranglehold Arena as Quackerjack appears with the TOY BOAT HOT ROD OF DEATH admitting that he was playing the last time; but this time it's for real and that he is robbing the place blind...and Drake cannot stop him because he's psychological rubble. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. See; he needs the money to buy the toy he always wanted (besides the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DEATH of course) as he goes into Stranglehold Arena to relieve the box office of ten million...Oh wait; it's Gosalyn talking as we return to Drake's house as Drake is doing girly stuff because his crime fighting days are finished forever. Launchpad shows Gosalyn a picture of himself in an outfit so funny that it would be outlawed by the FASHION POLICE OF LAW. See; the Masked Mangler wants a rematch with Head Ripper. Well; it did end in a Sportz Entertainment Finish; so it is clearly apporos. Gosalyn asks for Drake's help and Drake blows it off because he's going to poetry reading on that evening. Funny thing is that poetry reading isn't girly anymore so it's not that funny anymore.

Drake wearing a pink apron is really funny though because it somehow make him look more gay (all in the lighthearted sense of course). So Launchpad is screwed as we go into Stranglehold Arena where Launchpad is basically getting MURDERED by the Masked Mangler and Launchpad is selling it too. Atta boy LP! I hope that five dollars and a Happy Hippo burger was worth it. Gosalyn demands that Launchpad should go for the PINCKY LOCK OF DOOM (with the ref beside her) but; Launchpad is really fighting a brown snake who is invoking the TIGHT SQUEEZE OF SUBMITS while the Masked Mangler is filing his nails. That is just cute and peachy as Launchpad's girlish sound is priceless. Gosalyn wonders if Drake is having better luck with his new job as we go to the tea party house as a bunch of rich dogspeople snobs dressed in snobby clothes are at the tables drinking tea. One of them asks for more tea from the waiter who seems to look like a certain crime fighting duck has-been with no career direction doing a stupid teacup promo while being in a pink teapot..Oh wait; never mind.

The promo sucks Drake; it has no flow and the catchphrases suck. Female Snob #1 gives Drake the teacup as Drake invokes the tea machine by twisting the knob and hot tea comes gushing out of the handle and onto the Female Snob #1 off-screen. Drake manages to turn it off; but it's too late as Female Snob #1 is all wet with tea. BWHAHAHAHAHA! Take that you socially dead snobs as the poetry reading commences with Female Snob #2 reciting the Darkling Wood by Emily Duckinson. Wonder how much revisionism was needed to make the poetry fit for this cartoon? It puts Drake to sleep of course because Female Snob #2's voice is so BORING...If she were in a wrestling ring; they would be chanting BORING loudly from the rafters. Drake's snoring is much better than her poetry reading and Female Snob #2 is upset on that spot so she yells..badly..and that's enough to wake up Drake from his slumber as the teacup is overflowing with tea.

I'm surprised that they haven't done Ralph and Kathy Throgmorton's “We want this man fired!” spot yet because it would certainly be their right to. and the knob is broken of course; so the place will be flooded with tea; but we don't see it as we return to the safe as Quackerjack is having a hard time deciding which safe to crack open first. Yeah; even a super villain can have so many diffculties with decision making such as this. The KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DOOM take over and cracks the safe without any damage whatsoever. That's one insecure safe if you ask me. It has the real money of course as Quackerjack laughs because Drake is out of commission. Sadly; the joke's on us because Mr. Meekles has taken over in that role complete with the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 14:04:

Meekles: I am the terrier that nips at your shoelaces! I am the lavender wrist slapper!

Oh God that was too funny! Too bad Drake sucks at being a family man because Meekles rules my world after that spot. It just makes Quackerjack so EVIL and so over it's no longer funny anymore. Meekles even looks too funny with the gas gun in tow and the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR MOVIE RATING.) . Too bad Meekles is going to get squashed here as Quackerjack just plays with him suggesting a lawsuit againest Meekles' tailor. They exchange notes with each other which is funnier than any match with Drake at this point. Quackerjack decides to stop selling and invoke the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DEATH to MURDER Meekles, so it's time to suck gas evildoer and he manages to fire the GAS CANISTER OF LAUGHS right into Quackerjack's kisser and it explodes. Wow; he's faring better than Drake usually does. Maybe because it was all about Drake's ego after all.

Sadly; the canister is laughing gas of course which has zero negative effect on the funny jester. Quackerjack manages to talk while hyper overselling the laugh like if he was being tickled from the inside. The KILLER TEDDYBEAR OF DEATH no-sells because he's a robot after all and Meekles trips on his cape and falls flat on his back as the proper ending kicks in and the KILLER TEDDYBEAR OF DEATH pretty much MURDERS him. I don't know if it's the laughing gas or Quackerjack is really overselling the laugh because he can. I'm betting on the later here. We return to the tea party as the whole place is flooded with coffee. I almost didn't spot it because Sun Woo screwed up the spot involving Female Snob #2 getting on the chair to higher ground. Drake is swimming in his little tea cup as Female Snob #1 protests this outrage and gets a face ful of tea for her trouble.

Drake finds the problem and it's really a teabag stuck in the nuclear stat...Doesn't matter anyway; as Female Snob #2 fires Drake by using the PILLAR OF UPSTANDING CITIZENS and Drake get popped right out of the tea party (shattering through a window in the process) and takes a really wussy bump on the pavement. Drake blows Female Snob #2 because she doesn't have any manners. Speak for yourself Drake Mallard. Drake looks at the teacup and realizes that he's a failure at everything as he walks into the moonlight sulking once again and wet with tea. I wouldn't say that Drake since you succeed at burying almost everyone you touch. Ask Reggie about it. We return to Stranglehold Arena as Meekles gets thrown out of the box office room and takes a decent bump against the wall and falls flat into the trashcan. Nice to see someone's head already dented it from the last Wrestling For Dollars match eh?

Quackjack tells the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DOOM to scout around so no more idiots try to stop him. And of course; the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DOOM get squashed by the door as Launchpad and Gosalyn enter. Oh TAG Jan! You wrote Stormy Weather and you treat a Kit-like teddy bear who just MURDERED Mr. Meekles with no respect whatsoever. Launchpad wants his coupon as Gosalyn wants the French Fries and she stutters because she sees Quackerjack of course. I guess she realized that Quackerjack is the one responsible for the Freedom Fries fiasco and we are just figuring the paper trail. The door closes as the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DOOM surrounds them. Quackerjack decides to let Teddy take the safe while he packs some heat with the pistol and MURDERS Gosalyn and Launchpad with it more or less at he points it at the GANG OF GAG to end the segment 16 minutes in.

After the commercial break; we return to the box office as we see Launchpad get in front of Gosalyn to take the bullet for the small fry. Well; you cannot shoot children in a children's cartoon so I don't see the point of it; but it's good character to protect the child from harm so I'll accept it. Oh wait; it's the loaded boxing glove and Launchpad gets a good shot right in the kisser. Nice to see Jan get around that little problem. Sometimes; political correctness can be funny. Gosalyn slaps Launchpad around and accuses him of lying down on the job and then proving Gosalyn's point by lying down on his midsection knocked out cold. Too cute as Gosalyn is screwed because there is no one to help her. Gosalyn and Quackerjack exchange pleasure talk (Read: insults) as Quackerjack grabs Gosalyn and leaves Stranglehold Arena with Teddy and safe in two onto the TOY BOAT HOT ROD OF DEATH. Mr. Meekles comes out as he tries to invoke the gas gun in flamethrower mode and it completely backfires. Jim Mitchell should teach him how to use a flamethrower gun properly.

It's still funny though as Gosalyn's hope chest is apparently gone with the wind so to speak. Quackerjack scatters away as Mr. Meekles takes a decent bump into the wall and then a delayed bump into the dumpster. Sadly; Billy and Road Dog don't come out to throw the dumpster over the hill and have him nearly killed and all that crap. We head to the bridge as Drake Mallard is playing his harmonia just to annoy me like he did in Duck Blind. In fact; this is pretty close to the same time where Drake acted the same way too. Drake is a born loser..Blah, Blah, Blah as Mr. Meekles arrives complete with rope and large rock basically admitting that he's going to commit...WAIT A FREAKING MINUTE HERE!!

Rant #1: Let's get something straight here.. Kit Cloudkicker's speech of Baloo was edited so they muted out the word Always which give the speech a lot of power since Kit sent the message to tell Baloo that he didn't betray him. It was implied that Kit was going to commit suicide even though as the sequence of events occurred later; he didn't commit suicide (although considering that he double-crossed Don Karnage twice; he was always committing it from a symbolic standpoint). And yet; Disney allowed Mr. Meekles to actually attempt suicide in full bloom?! This shows just how much Michael Eisner insults the intelligence of it's audiences. What Kit did was dramatic while what Mr. Meekles did was a comedy act. I would suspect that the comedy act would be more offensive to parent groups. And no; I don't buy the notion that the always implied that Kit and Baloo was gay (in the homosexual sense). That's plain sick and wrong and you perverts know it. They are not gay. Get over yourselves.

Let's move on as Drake allows him to do it (YOU HEARTLESS..Oh wait) and then tries to stop him even though he basically sealed the man's fate. Real smart move there Drake. Even when his ego is deflated; he's still REALLY STUPID. They exchange notes as Mr. Meekles fate is closing in on death. The test sezs this was the perfect job and all that stuff. Drake then cuts a promo on how a test cannot improve your life. That was certainly OUT OF NOWHERE and you thought Zeus' promo in Hercules was contrived and forced. Drake does manage to get the rope untied from Mr. Meekles; but the rope attaches itself to Drake's ankle. Oh; that wasn't contrived in the very least no siree! Drake's promo is so full of himself that it destroys the whole point of Drake being down and sounds like Drake was just playing. Really stupid moment for an episode that has been near perfect up to this point. Mr. Meekles shakes hands with Drake and calls him a real hero which of course gets his confidence back.

Sadly; the ROPE OF DOOM throws Drake overboard as Mr. Meekles puts down the gas gun calling it a horrible weapon and takes the teapot with him as he leaves for the new job at the tea party. At least he won't be having tea problems as Drake is drowning in the drink just to amuse me. Where was the selling when you were wrestling Drake? Of course the Thunder Quack arrives as Launchpad rescues Drake from the sea drink. Sadly; Drake cannot swim either. No wonder villains never really take him seriously. I just hope that he doesn't face the Liquidator in his home turf because that is over for Drake. Drake tells Launchpad to drop closer to the bridge and open the hatch so he can grab the gas gun. He grabs it and wants his spare costume because DARKWING..DUCK is back and it ends with the usual full of himself shadow against the building and Drake smiling like an evil duck complete with the thunderclap. Oy vey; let's just go to the action already guys as we are about two minutes away from the end so the finish is at hand..

We head to the CITY OF SAINT CANARD as cars are whizzing by in a rare showing of animation skill by Sun Woo as the GIANT KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DOOM stalks the city and smashes everything in sight. We head inside as Quackerjack is singing..badly..because that was the toy he wanted. I guess Quackerjack is angry of all the cracks TaleSpin suffered at the hands of Tad Stones...Or maybe not. Gosalyn just sits there behind the chair doing nothing as her spirit is broken. That's logic break #1 for the episode and a major logic break for Gosalyn in general. I see the pod Gosalyn is doing this episode. The real Gosalyn would kick this joker's butt until his fanny was as red as his elf shoes and that's the final answer BABEE! It's Terror Teddy in case you didn't notice. This must be some in-joke about bears not getting the respect they deserve. Maybe it's because American's still believe that Bears=Communism. Don't believe me; watch the Colbert Report. And the Thunder Quack arrives right on cue in front of Terror Teddy as Drake cuts his dangerous promo which is like Katie Bar The Door and the finish is at hand.

Drake's appearance really gets Quackerjack's dandruff up as Gosalyn is back to herself once again. Drake climbs down using the rope ladder as Terror Teddy just growls and tries to step on stuff. TERROR TEDDY invokes the CLAWSWIPE OF DEATH to snap the ladder and Drake is forced to free-fall complete with I'm better than Warner Brothers because I steal stuff from them and use better Asian animators than they do spot. Drake falls right into Terror Teddy's mouth and he eats him complete with burp. UH OH! I believe that Quackerjack is officially screwed now as he laughs it up and Gosalyn is depressed again. Hey Gos; KICK HIS JESTER BEHIND NOW! Stop acting like a pod Gos! Quackerjack then pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) to open the trap door (Oh great!) to reveal the KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DEATH as it backs Gosalyn into a corner. Gosalyn calls it Winnie The Ghoul and I nearly spit my drink out for that one. Well; at least pod Gosalyn hasn't lost her sense of humor. Gosalyn is panicking as Quackerjack blows her off big time with a good comeback line. Of course; Drake isn't dead as he invokes the JAWS OF HALF LIFE to pry open Terror Teddy's mouth and get onto his nose. I suspect Quackerjack's hope chest to be gone any minute now as the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 20:36:

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the widget missing from the easy to assemble swing set!

Huh?! That one went way over my there Drake..Drake uses the smoke cloud (WHICH IS STILL BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING.) as he invokes the gas gun which is set to bomb mode. Huh?! KILLER TEDDY BEAR OF DEATH is dead, done, toe tagged and it still doesn't go to pieces. That is one DUD bomb to be sure as Quackerjack goes for the pistol glove which is set to vacuum mode and sucks the gas gun away. Quackerjack sezs that Drake is finished because he has no weapons let; so Drake invokes his latest, most dangerous weapon to date: THE LOON LOLLIPOP OF BRAIN SUCKING SLUMBER complete with bad German accent. I just knew that stupid device was going to be used as the finish...and of course it works as Quackerjack is in his own sadist world as now he has to deal with the cave duck bully. Well; you knew this was going to happen at some point so deal with it guys. Quackerjack get MURDERED with the BALLOON DINOSAUR BLOWUP OF DEATH of course as Quackerjack is helpless to do anything due to his own psychological warfare finally backfiring on him. Sooo true..

Post-Production Glitch #1: Half second black slug ala For Whom The Bell Klangs Part Two.

We return to the Thunder Quack as Quackerjack is hapless with hypnosis in the backseat (check the green eyes) . Gosalyn asks if Drake is back and of course Drake is completely back because he is so full of himself as usual.

Darkwing: Because I am the terror that flaps in the night..I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime (EWWWWW Drake!)...I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date (DOUBLE EWWWWW!) ...I am the impacted wisdom tooth...
Gosalyn: All right Dad we get the point!!

Drake just continues to be full of himself as the episode ends at 21:21. Beautiful start, great middle, okay finish with some really painful moments near the end. Jan Strnad's perfection is over; but Jan tried hard and gave his usual excellent effort. **** ½ ( 90%)


I love any episode involving Quackerjack and this one was no exception. Quackerjack certainly made his debut episode count with some awesome psychology and some really funny moments on poor Drake's mind. Mr. Meekles was very good too once he got involved as the new hero. I was giggling like a school girl throughout the first 15 minutes of this episode on everything from wrestling to poetry reading. Sadly; the finish wasn't as good as Drake's turnaround was pretty contrived and I compared it to the Hercules movie Disney made when Zeus's promo to Hercules to turn him around was as jarring and out of place. The finish was pretty dull as Quackerjack never really got to invokes some real destruction and Gosalyn suddenly acted like Pod Gos with no reason whatsoever to do so. The real Gosalyn would kick Quackerjack's butt. That was the only logic break in the entire episode but it was a major one along with the usual animation errors from Sun Woo. Overall; this was a great episode to watch. The next episode is the one that I was also dreading from the start of ranting this episode which is the first of the two part episode: Just Us Justice Ducks. It's not that the episode is really terrible or anything; it's because it's the rant debut of the dreaded yellow dressing alter-evil ego of Darkwing Duck: Negaduck. Koosh hates him because he leeches off Taraus' heat and he isn't an interesting characters. I've got worse issues with Negaduck which I'll explain in the next rant. Until then; I only have eight episodes left to go.

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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