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Double Darkwings
Reviewed: 05/21/2007
When in doubt, hire a wife who makes a zombie potion I guess!
I'm not even going to bother with a witty retort... Let's get this over with....So let's rant on shall we...
The episode is written by Dean Stefan and the story has been edited by Bruce Talkington...and the streak of Sun Woo animating finally ends as this one is animated by Hanho Heung-up and Walt Disney Animation France in a stunning role as an backup studio. That's got to be a slap in the face after their work on TaleSpin.
We begin in the swamp as the crack Disney Captions Team puts [“DOUBLE DARKWINGS”] even though the title card is clearly shown. That just made my day. The typical swamp inaction occurs as we see Gumbo and Jake The Bad Character Snake Dumberts riding him and doing the bad Leatherhead catchphrase once again. Jim Cummings should have done Jake instead of Michael Gough; then the catchphrase wouldn't have sucked. They made it to a hick cabin which contains Jake's sweet and really sour Granny Whammy. Gosh; I wonder why her last name is Whammy?! They enter the cabin which is what you would expect from a stereotypical hick witches home: very dusty and full of cobwebs. We get the old hide in the shrinking heads spot to greet Granny (voiced by Billie Hayes- what a surprise?!). She was the only one that looked animated in case you care (far left one). Jake is scared (Riiight..She looks ugly not scary) as Whammy blows him off for ever doing that stupid spot. That makes her barely over by proxy. Jake hugs Gumbo in a disgusting spot and then Granny which looked really lame.
They exchange pleasure thoughts as Jake gives her the sack of bad toads which earns Jake the Dumptruck head punch from Whammy. Well; at least she's living up to her name. Granny dumps the toads into the cauldron and casts a spell on it to create a powerful potion. The potion shows DARKWING...DUCK and Jake blows him off because he ruined his chances to get over. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Drake burying powers finally were put to good use and he still tired to put you over. Jake has no sense of gratitude. Jake jumps at the phantom face and lands in Granny's arms in another disgusting spot. Granny giggles before dropping him like a bad habit on the wooden floor which was a wussy bump. Even the animators don't like this guy. See; the new MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN for Jake is to basically throw Granny's zombie potion in the face of Drake so he will be Jake's slave to commit his crimes and get blamed for it. Yeah; when in doubt do the old BAYOU ZOMBIE SHUFFLE. This is going to be a painful episode to rant on. I GAR-UN-TEE! Granny gives him the zombie potion and they walk outside. Jake thanks her and Granny acts nice before blowing him off threatening Gumbo if Jake doesn't pay $10,000. I hardly think Jake cares about Gumbo anyway since Gumbo more over than Jake and Whammy combined. Gumbo drops Whammy like a bad habit (YAY!) and runs away from the cabin without falling into the water once with Jake in tow. I'm inclined to call that Logic Break #1; but I don't care, I liked the spot. Please Gumbo; carry this crap episode on it's back.
So we now head to THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD complete with sunset this time around as we head to a tall building (complete with the wooden water tower ala Spiderman) as Drake's dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons as he's blowing off someone because he's supposed to be Darkwing Decoy and not Chuckles the Clown. Oh wait; it's Launchpad dressed up as DARKWING... DUCK. Remember that for later and witness how stupid it can really get. Drake now wants to practice the tricky maneuver known as the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION PADDLE DROP BOOM BOOM KICK OF DOOM. Got that LP?! Probably not as Drake does the spot and looks like a doofus while doing it. Launchpad screws it up as he runs up the water tower and takes a decent bump into the water tower. Drake get dripped with water which should signal for the water tower to completely MURDER him at any moment and it sort of does as Drake only gets the tidal wave as Launchpad releases his foot from it. Lame spot there guys.
We head into an alleyway where Launchpad is complaining about Drake training him too hard. Drake runs around in a circle and Drake blows him off because crime doesn't take breaks. Geez Drake; I guess you're saying that crime isn't human..or anthromorphic...Then again Gumbo is a real gator so it does make sort of sense. Drake is still full of himself I see. Launchpad blows off Drake in kind in a nice way. See; Drake is using the Darkwing Decoy to fool criminal. I'll explain why this MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN is REALLY STUPID later on; but it shouldn't surprise anyone since Drake is REALLY STUPID. First practice piece of technology: the grappling hook leftover from Plunder and Lightning Part One. Nice to see that Kit's use of this is now a device for Drake to use. I not bitter in anyway...or maybe I am? Anyhow; Launchpad is giddy and unintentionally fires the grappling hook in the air with the greatest of ease. LP says Ooops which should signal for Drake to take the anchor right between the eyes and he does with a wussy bump. And now Drake wants to take a break as the rope attached to it ties Drake up. Hey; as long as it's Drake used as an international object and LP doing stupid things to screw Drake and Gumbo carrying the episode and Jake doing NOTHING; this episode will not be too painful.
Launchpad exits stage right because there is a Happy Hippo Burger Joint nearby as Drake follows him while walking like a goofball tied up. Oh wait; he's not doing it on purpose, never mind...We head to the streets in THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD as Jake and Gumbo RISE FROM THE SEWERS complete with the police blares. Which is fitting for this episode for no so obvious reasons. Jake is near the Telephone Company as it's clear now that this episode is going to suck because I would have suspected that the company would have a witty name. Gumbo tries hard to amuse me with the stuck in the manhole spot; but Jake is dragging it down with his southern hick talk. Did I already mention that this hick talk is grating my nerves?! We head into the telephone as we see Gumbo cooking up something in the black pot. Don't ask me what a Cajun Louisiana Basco is?! With this guy around; ignorance is truly bliss. I don't see the point of this either although seeing Gumbo in pink is pretty cute. And of course; they do the taste & breathe fire spot (which would be a great attack for Gumbo actually) to annoy me as Jake gets the flames right into the kisser. ATTA BOY GUMBO! A few more shots like that and hopefully we'll never see Jake again. Then a really stupid spot occurs as they pour the HOT BASCO SAUCE OF DOOM right into the telephone because that will get Drake to answer it. It goes through the telephone wires in a pointless sequence which would NEVER WORK in real life (and probably a good thing too. Note from the future: The first run syndication had Gumbo chewing on the telephone wires by the way.) ...
As that stupid spot occurs we head back to Launchpad armed with the club asking Drake if he should MURDER him. Yes Launchpad; MURDER THAT BURYING FREAK TO HELL! See Drake is demonstrating the fine art of deflecting an attack with Drake as the one who'll get deflected. They are about to start the spot; however, the phone rings near the phone booth and it rockets high into the sky and out of SAINT CANARD. UGH! That was a stupid spot and Drake blows it off making it sound even more lame. Drake foolishly runs around the corner because he is REALLY STUPID and gets MURDERED by Launchpad and the club. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Drake deserved that shot you burying piece of crap! Okay; that was a good spot.
Drake demanding answers was very funny as Launchpad apologizes for hitting him in the head. Yeah; surrre Launchpad. Drake tries to explain the sudden red wires; but Launchpad blows him off which gets Drake's goat. “Hee Hee”. The red wire continue to sizzle as we head to the phone company (check the Rat Catcher outside) as Drake decides to use Launchpad as the DARKWING ...DECOY! Did I mention that this is the STUPIDIST MIMI JOKE PLAN Drake has EVER devised? Drake is so full of himself that the animation freezes right on cue while Drake is talking over. I don't know if it's the DVD acting up or WD-France/Hanho Heung screwing up. I'm betting on the later because it is clearly slip-shod and this is getting close to Mister T levels of crappy animation. We head into the phone company as Jake gets in the lame parlor fly promo as Jake and Gumbo hide behind the desk. The DREADED LP VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 6:34:
Launchpad: Ahem! I am the error that flaps in the night. (Smoke cloud beckons to reveal LP (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING) I am the surcharge that triples your bill.
Now I'll explain why this MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN is REALLY STUPID: Launchpad is at least a foot taller than Drake and his beak is at least six inches bigger than Drake's. How can anyone younger than three believe that LP is really DARKWING...DUCK? If Drake wants to pull off the DARKWING...DECOY; why not employ Fenton Crackshell? He's about the same build wise as Drake; he's full of himself and he's REALLY STUPID. Fenton would make the perfect decoy. So would NegaDuck; but I doubt you'll see him and Drake team up anytime soon. And as you're about to see; Dean Stefan didn't take this flaw into consideration and what we got is this mess. Well; LP's promo was cute; I'll give him that much. But this is pretty much going to be a painful episode to rant. So let's continue and get it over with...And Jake didn't waste any more time than needed (about one second) as he throws the zombie potion right into the kisser. Never mind the obvious logic break in this episode which will continue on for the rest of this episode so the pain MUST START NOW. Jake and Gumbo exit the PHONE COMPANY (One guess who is the horse in this outfit) as Drake enters while LP punches away.
Now you would think that Drake would stand at least six feet away from LP while LP was punching away; but..say it with me...Drake is REALLY STUPID and he takes the HALF POWER OF THE PUNCH which allows Drake to take a decent bump with his can on the floor. Launchpad apologizes and Drake blows him off as he leaves. Yeah; say that it isn't LP's fault and then admit indirectly that it was Launchpad's fault. Smooth talking there Drake...We head back to Jake's cabin in the sewers because somehow we need to waste some time in this episode as they go the same spot from the TELEPHONE COMPANY without the stupid tasting spot to bring the hex into effect which lasts about five seconds because we head back to Drake's house as we see Drake (in blue undershirt which is burning my eyes with Wii'ness) brushing his teeth...and it's REAL BABEE! I always wondered why smarks thought reality angles from Vince Russo don't work? This would be a good answer since they don't work in fantasy. Launchpad is sleeping in the dining room on the dining room table as I suspect that he has a hangover from the zombie potion. LP calls it rough as he is sleep talking again as Drake cuts his usual full of himself stuff in response. So after that we head back to Jake's cabin as the zombie potion spell is in full effect as we head back to Launchpad and he's UNDER THE INFLUNENCE OF THE ZOMBIE POTION~! I suspect that it's 0.08 which is five times over the legal limit. Yeah; I stooped to using that one so shoot me. This episode's painful to rant on.
Symptoms of ZOMBIE POTION INTOXICATION: floating around, doing the ZOMBIE WALK OF DOOM, doing crimes and putting the blame on someone who is clearly a foot shorter than the one doing it, googly eyes, being man slave to bad character etc. If you see any of these signs; call you nearest lawyer and ask Disney for a refund of this episode. We head back to Jake's cabin as Jake and Gumbo await the presence of ZOMBIE DARKWING...DECOY! And he shows up walking on water which is cute so I'll allow this Logic Break #2. Hey; I need something to amuse me. So Jake declares victory by sniffing him all around. EWWWWWWW! The last thing I would want is to be sniffed by a moral midget hick. He pulls off the disguise and it reveals Launchpad. Yeah Jake; it took you three minutes of airtime to realize what happened in what took three seconds for ME to figure out. Jake wants another potion but Gumbo stops him because Whammy said that there ain't no more and Jake gets the raincloud for his troubles. He deserves it more than Drake does in Water Way to Go so I'll allow that one to slide. Jake decides to let Gumbo destroy Launchpad. I approve of this decision so Gumbo invokes the TAIL SWIPE OF DOOM and Launchpad goes flying and lands on his feet on the edge wall of the sewer.
Gumbo is ticked off; so he charges at him and goes for his head which is the stupidest part of the body to go to. Launchpad ducks and Gumbo bounces off the wall and squashes Jake as a result..I think. I'm not going to rewind because I want this episode over with. Jake blows Gumbo off and I want Gumbo to shut him up. It doesn't happen sadly. Launchpad walks towards them as Gumbo invokes the ROAR OF DEATH which sends Launchpad flying backwards. Nice to see Gumbo carrying the episode for a change. Sadly; Gumbo gets the LAUNCHPAD DEAD SCREAM OF DEATH which sends Jake flying into the drink which is clearly three feet in length. That scream must have scrambled his brains because he suddenly gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and decides that he'll use Launchpad to commit crimes and DARKWING..DUCK is going to get the blame for basically. Did I mention...Ah forget it. Let's continue on...
Post-Production Glitch #1: Quarter-second black slug..Give me a break guys!
We now see Gumbo, Jake and Launchpad near the manhole cover as Launchpad is climbing up the stairs. Jake tells LP to do what he tells him to do and Launchpad calls him master. I wouldn't call him master of anything at this point. Jake loves that because he's never called master by Gumbo I guess. Well DUH moral midget. Just to annoy me more; Jake pushes Gumbo right in the gut. It was screwed up by the animators and I think it was intentional. Cannot blame them for that I guess as Gumbo and Jake giggle at their latest MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. We head into the CITY OF SAINT CANARD in broad daylight as we see the armored bank car driving towards it's unknown destination The bank guard (wearing a police uniform) screams..badly..as the ARMORED BANK CAR OF DOOM spins around right on a dime in front of the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING). That would be logic break #3 for the episode as the LAUNCHPAD VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 8:57...
Launchpad: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the itch in your trigger finger.
The acting was completely lame here on Launchpad's part. I guess the next symptom of being under the influence of the zombie potion is bad acting. The dog fury opens the armored bank car like a freezer to protest this and Launchpad greets him with the cannon. Remember that Launchpad is no where near Drake Mallard's height and look and yet the officer sells it as if it was Drake Mallard. And you thought Rebecca Cunningham and the police from Bullethead Baloo were REALLY STUPID?! We head to the television station as Tom Lockjaw's second in command because he's apparently got MURDERED in the last episode legit says that they are going to show actual footage from a security camera as we see Launchpad robbing a bank manager in the safe (black & white footage it should be noted) as everyone sells it as being DARKWING..DUCK. I have lost total respect for Dean Stefan after seeing this episode so far and I'm afraid it might just get worse. Plus; LP robbed a 70 year old couple which is very insulting to my intelligence in more ways than one and the stealing candy from a baby promo gets involved of course which results in LP stealing candy from a baby. Now I know that a lot of people would find this funny; but if it was Fenton Crackshell then it would really truly be funny. Otherwise; I find it insulting that anyone in SAINT CANARD would fall for this.
It makes the Bullethead Baloo police officers look smart in comparison...and Launchpad eats the red sucker which is apporos because everyone including the writers are suckers to think that this episode would work with Launchpad as the thief. Okay; it's Dan Gander talking and considering that Dan Rather has been accused of falsehoods in real life; the irony just makes it more insulting to me. We're in Drake's hideout and he completely goes on a tirade which shows just how full of himself he is; but it's apporos in this case. He whacked the wall and it results in Drake taking the ultra wussy framed bump spot. It would have worked better if Drake's face was shown in the front instead of in the back. More full of himself promo cutting and I actually have sympathy for Drake because only a retarded child would fall for such an obvious act. And I'm not using it as a joke; I mean it seriously. Drake wonders who's responsible for this...Of course that logically lead to the bank as Launchpad walks out of the bank (still dressed as the DARKWING... DECOY) complete with the money in his hands.
The Rat Catcher arrives as Drake goes to him and tells Launchpad that someone is committing crimes. Yeah; despite my recent sympathy for Drake; he is still REALLY STUPID. So now Jake and Gumbo arrive and Drake realizes who is behind this..Although he still doesn't know who is causing the zombie hex by the way so he is still hapless. Jake continues to degrade Leatherhead like Launchpad is degrading Drake and any independent adult in real life. Drake grabs onto Launchpad telling it's time to stop Gumbo. However; Launchpad turns on Drake as Drake is cowering in fear as the segment ends almost 11 minutes in. The question is no longer can this episode be saved; but can it go negative stars for the first time in DTVA history? Keep reading and find out...
After the commercial break; Drake tries to back up looking SHOCKED as Launchpad's heel turn. However; Launchpad invokes the trash can which nails Drake right into the mid-section complete with Animal “Big Bird” Hawk Foot Long Neck Of Doom. The bump on the ground was decent off-screen as Launchpad threatens Drake with the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION BOOM BOOM WEB KICK OF DOOM and Drake blows it off because he had it copyrighted. Get that lawsuit prepped up Drake; because Launchpad just happens to invoke the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION BOOM BOOM WEB KICK OF DOOM which the animator proceed to blow as Drake was merely brushed off of him and Drake still lands with a MAN-SIZED bump into the wall complete with Scooby Doo Snow Angel Spot. They wasted WD-France for this abomination?! Launchpad calls Drake out to sue him. Don't worry LP; that move you did wasn't even close to the original.
It was more like the LEAD GRIP KUNG FUN ACTION SPINORAMA KICK OF BRUSHOFFS. Jake then increases the stupidity levels even more by jumping onto a wooden crate which so happens to appear OUT OF NOWHERE and proceed to do the ultra-lame piston punch which miss by about two inches. If you're going to do that spot; MAKE CONTACT WITH THE DAMN PUNCHES! However; the episode now gets REALLY STUPID (as if it could get ANY worse?) as the police arrive complete with Irish accent and spotlight. Now remember that Jake has punched Drake in the face just seconds AFTER the spotlight is turned on (which is assault) and Launchpad is still at the scene. So Jake, Gumbo and Launchpad all escape into the sewers despite the police (with guns drawn) clearly seeing them escape (and therefore in real life they would go after THEM) and guess who gets arrested? If you said DARKWING.. DUCK you get a no-prize and you probably won't be a writer for Disney anytime soon either. Drake looks like the greatest genius in this world right now.
We head to the PRISON OF DAMNATION as the prison arrives and it drops off Drake and the STUPIDIST POLICE OFFICER IN DISNEY TELEVISION ANIMATION HISTORY. Drake does his DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM just to incriminate himself and show how more stupid the police officer really is. Nice to see that the Miranda Rights don't effect that part of his character. So he lets it all go to the police officer and of course Drake gets the bigger prison which is right next to the smaller prison. How did they move Prison Island from Cape Suzette? Oh wait; I forgot; Darkwing Duck and TaleSpin are NOT in the same world. Those product placements are getting into my head. So we head into the rockpile (because all stereotypical prisons have one) as Drake and a bulldog convict crush rocks with the SLEDGEHAMMERS OF PLOT. Nice to see Dean Stefan create irony in such an non-ironic situation.
And Logic Break #5 rears it's ugly head (not counting the obvious logic break I mentioned earlier) because this is supposed to be a maximum security prison and they are wearing their normal clothes. And isn't it a fashion faux pas for a convict to wear pink?! And shouldn't Drake get a fair trial? Never mind that one. Drake would always have won since he's so full of himself he probably tormented the judge. It makes Drake seem less gay. The convict is a bulldog and apparently he has a little personal grudge against Drake which isn't unusual since Drake is so full of himself. That would be enough just on general principal alone. Drake blows him off because he's a convict of course. Convict #1 calls him out because if he's supposed to be innocent then why is he in prison. Drake whispers into the convict's ear and then we proceeds into a bite the fingers spot complete with Hanna Barbera Teeth Chattering Sound Effect. I would invoke the watching a classic line; but Sun Woo isn't around to animate this one; so no dice. Then he starts mocking Drake's innocence...and the rest of the convicts laugh at him as well which invokes the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS which the animators screwed up as well. If you do that spot; make sure the entire face is red. Drake isn't amused at the laughing either which is apporos since these convicts are more full of themselves than Drake.
And THEY aren't taking it seriously to boot. A pig police officer comes complete with RIFLE OF DOOM to usher them back to work. I would listen to him Drake if you want to live because he looks ready to have roasted duck for supper...Hmmmm...roasted duck..SLURP!! Convict takes the hint and gets up from his senseless laughing as he calls him Rupert. And I'll bet Rupert the Bear from that YTV cartoon is filing a lawsuit of his own as we speak. Drake and Convict #1 continue to crack rocks with the SLEDGEHAMMERS OF PLOT as Rupert and his friend play target practice on top of them. Oh yeah; that will make ya as sadistic as Colonel Slammer..NOT! Convict #1 tells Drake not to screw with Rupert or he'll get...THE BOX. YAY! A version of a joke formally known as THE SWITCH! Only slightly funnier than that heinous joke. Drake mocks him back and Convict#1 warns him not to push it and Drake of course pushes it as the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT'S HEAD flies off the handle and nails Rupert right on top of his little old fat head. Rupert takes it well in a real surprise as Drake is screwed badly. We head to DA BOX (FAIRY..Ooops; wrong joke) as Rupert decides to demonstrate what happens if you screw with him. Which is actually pretty funny: You end up part of the JACK-IN-THE-BOX OF DEATH as Drake so gleefully demonstrates. Hey; Drake as an international object equals funny. Glad to see Rupert was paying attention. Unlike Dean Stefan...
So we head back to Jake's Cabin as Jake, Gumbo and DARKWING...DECOY are carrying the gifts towards the cabin. Jake mocks Leatherhead once again as the pot beckons to reveal Granny Whammy and she's ticked off because she wants her money..Ooops Jake. Maybe you shouldn't have bought those presents. And if Drake Mallard is caught and in prison; why hasn't anyone noticed that someone is still robbing them as..Oh wait; he might have bought the presents with the money; my mistake. Oh wait again; why bring DARKWING..DECOY with you if he's going to be spotted. This is the same Dean Stefan who wrote a ****+ episode in TaleSpin it should be noted. Jake promises to get that money and Whammy tells him that this is his last chance. That's pretty lame. At least tell him that you're going to expose him to the police as the one who hexed LP into those crimes in the first place.
Jake loves that woman which is apporos for him since she's so ugly. Whammy and Gumbo are the only two characters who are over in this episode it should be noted and Whammy barely so. We head to Drake's prison cell as he's digging his way out using the SPOON OF DOOM. I see Dean hasn't wasted any wit for this script if he's not going to have a creative way to get Drake out. At least Baloo had that excuse. Drake is still invoking the VOICEOVER OF DOOM here which is a sign of just how much this episode sucks. Drake enters through the hole which is clearly too small for him and he fits in anyway. We head outside of the prison walls as Drake comes through the conveniently placed trapdoor. Yeah; that wasn't contrived in the very least no siree. So Drake climbs out and it's the hallmark of all bad prison escapes: The go against the wall while the spotlight nicks you to sound off the alarm which signals the bad prison escape to commence. It's so predictable; Drake might as well kill himself so this episode can end. Sadly; Rupert catches him with the spotlight and that's it for the segment 16 and a quarter minutes in. Oh give me a break Drake; just RUN AWAY LIKE THE WIND while you still can....
After the commercial break; we see Drake still shining with the spotlight as he does his VOICEOVER OF DOOM again and goes into his pocket to find sand. Where's the Iron Geek...ERRR...I mean Shiek when you REALLY NEED HIM?! So Drake does what everyone does in that situation: do the TAP DANCE OF DEATH! Okay; that was funny if only because the animator made it look so choppy that it was funny. And of course; he finishes with a flourish and everyone sells it like the stupid police that they are. Drake runs towards the prison gate doors which opens up. Oh please; don't let him leave. Rupert decides to apparently stop selling and yells at Drake.. Finally; an officer of the law is no longer falling for..OH CRAP! He just threw Drake the flowers and Drake apparently leaves. Oh GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK DEAN! We head back to Jake's Cabin as Jake and Gumbo are resting on the lawn chairs drinking Kuckoo Cola. This is truly hitting at 1.0 CUCKOO at this point and rising. They slap glasses together as the crash beckons and Jake thinks it's Whammy Granny. Sadly; it's much worse than that: An all wet DARKWING..DUCK..complete with the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 17:06:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the current of vengeance gurgling through your sewer.
If you're going to cut THAT promo; cut it in front of Dean Stefan for me since I want revenge for this AGONY BOOTH BAD episode. Hey; I think I just created a new pun for Albert Walker. Maybe I should mail this episode rant to him and see if I can make my booth debut..Or maybe not. So now we got five minutes left for the finish and most of it will be here..I GU-RAN-TEE! Gumbo hates the promo as Jake wants a rematch of MIDGET MADNESS from the previous time they met. Okay; fine by me if it wastes enough time to end this episode. Actually; it gets better as Gumbo gets to fight Drake and they invoke the stare down to start. Jake maybe a coward; but having Gumbo carry an episode past DUD is all right for me. Gumbo twirls around a bit before invokes the GATOR TAIL OF PAIN which whacks Drake right into the sewer water. Sadly; Jake gets involved and twists the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY to try to flush Drake Mallard down the DRAIN OF DOOM. Sadly it doesn't work as Drake manages to climb out of the sewer water as Jake and Gumbo go after him (again guess who play the horse of the outfit?). So when in doubt invoke the VOICEOVER OF DOOM just to annoy me even more.
That's got to be the tenth time he's invoked that spot which is a tell tale sign that this episode blows goats. Drake walks a bit and stops just short of the drain because this episode does need more water windbags. So now Launchpad (still as DARKWING..DECOY) arrives to ruin-nate him. I avoided explaining it until now because it's so stupid for words and it makes the dubbers from anime look REALLY GOOD. LP grabs Drake and is about to throw Drake to his violent death; but Jake stops him. Why bother?! Just throw him into the drink and get it over with. Or throw him back to the police. That would be better than giving Drake back to Jake...and Jake gets turned into a frog which allows Drake to escape. Gumbo does the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH and here comes Granny Whammy because she wants her money back. Jake claims to have the money and wants to be changed back. Whammy agrees to as along as she has Gumbo by the tail as she uses Gumbo as a scarf. Whammy changes Jake back into a moral midget which prompts a lot of foot kissing to Jake's own foot by...umm..Jake..EWWWWWW!
Jake runs away for a minute while cutting a really lame promo and then we runs back complete with the SACK OF FRAUD. He gives it to Whammy and then both Gumbo and Jake try to run away again. I suspect Whammy has been defrauded here as Whammy grabs Jake by the overall straps to force him back which allows Jake to take the worst bump I have ever seen. And of course Jake has screwed her out of the money; what a shock?! I knew he was a moral midget. Gumbo then gets in the best spot of the episode as he cowers like a little baby just as Whammy is about to use him as a scarf again; and then Gumbo gives her the money. Yeah; even Gumbo won't betray Jake even though he really sucks. However; that isn't enough for Jake to live because she invokes the POINTY UGLY NAIL FINGER OF DEATH on him and they causes Jake to be scared stiff.
Jake pleads for her not to hurt him and Whammy agrees to it..Because she's going to cancel the zombie potion which has enslaved Launchpad throughout this crappy episode. Jake pleads for her not to but she no-sells as usual as she pushes LP aside and cancels the HEX OF DOOM using the sewer water which in turn wakes up Launchpad from his zombie state. I hope he doesn't get the hangover. I hear it's as painful as watching this episode. Whammy leaves forever in order to leave his grandson high and wet. Good for her; he was a back-stabbing moral midget anyway. Launchpad cuts the dangerous promo which is a sign from heaven that this episode is going to be over in about two minutes from now. Jake and Gumbo run away and jump back into the sewer water as Drake and LP jump after them. And now it's time for a good old swim in the sewers. I bet the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would be proud. Gumbo and Jake get out and run into the sewer pipes; but they are blocked by Drake and his dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM TIMES TWO at 20:26:
Darkwing: I am the terror...
Launchpad: ..that
flaps in the night.
Sadly; no witty promo as Jake and Gumbo put up their dukes to fight and don't actually go after them to actually...ummm...fight. Launchpad finally gets the copyrighted move correct and Drake eggs him on to actually do it because it works if you believe in yourself. Talk about tacking on the moral as an afterthought there Dean. Launchpad of course screws it up again while Drake finally invokes the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION BOOM BOOM WEB KICK OF BRUSHOFFS which actually makes contact for once and sends the two losers packing. Launchpad is stuck on the top of the sewer pipe with his foot. Some things never change as Drake blows him off in a nice way.
So now we head to the television where Dan Gander is at an alleyway following an exclusive tip from an unknown source that DARKWING..DUCK and DARKWING..DECOY have been arrested and they will be exposed to the entire world. However; Dan cannot believe it because we never saw Drake and LP actually arrested together; so we see Jake and Gumbo dressed up as DARKWING.. DUCK and DARKWING..DECOY. Well; this is actually better than when they arrested Drake earlier on; I'll give Dean Stefan that much. Gumbo is mocked as Dumbo as he covers his eyes from the camera flashes. Jake defends him and Gumbo thanks him. Hopefully; they'll be sent to prison for life and we'll never see at least Jake ever again.
Then to really insult me; Dan proclaims that he knew all along that DARKWING..DUCK would never commit those crimes. If I were Drake; I would sue him and the police for this stupidity. Let's see: Libel, Slander, Defamation, False Imprisonment, Lack of a Trial (Let alone a Fair Trial)..Need I go on? We head to Drake and Launchpad's hideout as they declare victory over their foolish reporter and Launchpad admits that dressing them up was smart. Sadly; it came at a price, Drake now has to channel Dave THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS and will have to sew new uniforms as he starts the sewing machine. Careful there; one prick and you'll end up like Sleeping Beauty and her court. Considering that Drake is full of himself; losing those uniforms is a small price to pay. Sadly; I paid a huge price ranting this episode. Launchpad looks as confused as I am as the episode mercifully ends at 21:19. To put it mildly: THIS GETS NOTHING AND LIKES IT! DUD ( 0%)
THE REVIEW LINE
I am not even going to try to explain why this episode sucks; just read the entire rant. It was a stupor from start to finish basically. I mean it makes the last episode I ranted look like a classic. The only good thing was that the logic breaks were only around seven instead of ten; but the animation screw ups made up for that. I don't need to remind you just how stupid this plot line was as a whole. If Fenton Crackshell were here; this would be fine. But it is not because anyone with an IQ of at least 10 would see through this. So what did Dean do? Make everyone look stupider than children with a mental illness. And I doubt even a child with mental illness wouldn't see through it either. This is truly a 1.0 CUCKOO without question. Thankfully; the next episode is much better and it got taken off the air for even more stupid reasons than Deadly Force did. Now I'm just five episodes away from finishing this volume. This is the only episode that made Drake look like a genius and it was insulting to me as a whole...Umm..DUCKS RULEZ right Dean? I lost all respect for you right there.
Thumbs way down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.