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The Secret Origins of DARKWING...DUCK!!
It just sounds better that way.
Time for something completely different (as Drake would say in DARKWING...DOUBLOON!) as we get the fifth reality bending episode of the series. Just a note on this: If you need to bend reality to make a great episode; then that should be an indication that they cannot write a great episode in the previous world anymore and it exposes the problems that DTVA had at this point. Thus we get the allagory of that problem in this episode. Let's rant on shall we....
The episode is written by Jan Strnad (All right!) the story is edited by Carter Crocker...and Sun Woo is officially five for six on Disc one of this volume so far. UGGGHHHH!!
We begin this one with the FUTURE STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM because this one takes place in the future city of Saint Canard. There is a yellow air taxi leftover from TaleSpin animated so to give us the false sense that Sun Woo is better than Kennedy Animation. Oh wait; they are, my mistake. We cut to the VAIN MUSUEM OF DEATH complete with white flags which symbolizes the number of people Drake Mallard buried in this series (eight of them). We head inside as a curator is explaining the whole legacy of Darkwing Duck while we see the stage for Drake's own vain show (check the banner behind Drake's gay uniform and try telling me that Drake wasn't vain back then?). The curator leads a group of kids (four of them including a pig) to the front of Drake's uniform while floating. Did gravity take a vacation or did Drake bury gravity?! You the viewer decide! We then see two kids sneaking away from the group that look very similar to Gosalyn and Honker with shoes on. They shove into the kids and somehow the curator doesn't notice. I guess his hearing is busted. Gosalyn and Honker's future daughter and son observe as Gos calls it Kinetic Gear while Honker is eating a chocolate ice cream stick. The curator blows the suggestion off that it's the real costume because the kids watched a popular cartoon series and had small brains and went extinct. Cannot argue with that point there as the kids shake their heads to get back at Gos and the group exits stage left. Apparently; the proof that Drake doesn't exist is that his mask is missing. Here's the problem with that: Even if the mask is found; does that prove anything?!
Gosaloid (so they are androids?! Okay; that explains the floating) sits on a the flipping chairs as Honkeroid is telling her not to touch anything. Gosaloid doesn't care because she thinks Drake actually exists and Honkeroid blows it off by showing the VIDEO DRIVER GUIDE OF DOOM which actually shows CONTINUITY by not showing Darkwing Duck with his mask on. For once Sun Woo didn't screw up. Gosaloid blows off that response because she thinks that there are real heroes. Oh please as Drake would say. Gosaloid gets onto the arm of the chair as Honkeroid reveals the symptoms of hero worshiping. Did Honkeroid talk about Cartoon Duck Syndrome or theocrats? I always get those two confused with each other. Gosaloid basically proves Honkeroid right by resting her elbow on the DETECTIVE STATUE BUTTON OF DOOM and pushing it allowing the chairs to flip. The evil of Cartoon Duck Syndrome are always nasty as Gosaloid and Honkeroid are under the floor and cannot get out. Gosaloid wants her lawyer which is probably the one who represented her in the flash flood case which was talked about on SmearingGun.com. We go to the shot outside and then go a pointless day to night switching sequence to waste some more time and then we head inside as the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM which is an automated fiend cleaning the place with the water bucket. I see Ammonia Pine didn't breed after all.
I told her that Steelbeak was a good bet for a husband. We then cut to the flipping chairs as a janitor who looks and sounds like Drake Mallard (with a beard and janitor clothes) dusting and blowing off the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM. If he just used the RIC FLAIR BROOM OF DOOM he would get done faster and better. Ever thought of that Drake Mallard?! Drake of course dusts the detective statue button so hard and it pushes down and the flipping chairs flip back and the two kids are back to the surface. Janitor Drake (as if we are fooled Jan.) calls it Jackpot as Gosaloid pulls Honkulon (according to Disney Captions anyway) from the chair while Honk looks like he's going to vomit so that they can catch up with the tour. Honk blows it off as Gos tries to leave because they were stuck for seven hours. Jan Drake gives Honk his purple hanky to blow his nose and tells him that they will be back when the place opens. Honk blows his nose because he has immune problems so to speak and Drake tells him to keep the purple hanky which of course is the PLOT DEVICE OF DOOM. Gos flops on front of the stage in front of the uniform proclaiming that they are DOOMED...DOOMED I SAY! She wants a hero to save us; just so they he'll fly away! Honk blows her off because she believes in a silly myth.
Jan Drake is SHOCKED to hear that someone doesn't believe in DARKWING...DUCK and Gosaloid of course takes his side. Honk blows it off because there is no official record of Darkwing Duck which Jan Drake gets off the moral of the episode: A piece of paper doesn't make a thing real. Memo to Jan Drake: Bad moral because that would mean Kit Cloudkicker would be real and he would be arrested for not wearing pants. Yeah; I went for the obvious cheapshot but I'm not afraid to do that to my favorite character of all time. He can take it see. Jan Drake declares that there is no official record because Drake wasn't born on this planet. OKKKKKKAYYY; that sort of makes sense since only Drake Mallard is so full of himself. And you know he's lying because he sezs Yeah after the statement was made. Of course; Gosaloid gets off Kinetic Gear #2 for the episode because she is so insecure so to speak. Jan Drake offers to reveal the Secret Origins of DARKWING....DUCK!! Gosaloid and Honk decide to sell because this is going to be really funny to see how much Drake Mallard lies and distorts the facts in order to get it over. Drake begins his story on the planet Zipton as the flashback beckons. This was a time when the FLASHBACK OF DOOM was actually used properly before Seth MacFarlane completely drove it to the ground with Family Guy because he had no talent at all and the public would still watch him to see how much of a car wreck it really was.
We head to the Planet Zipton which is basically a planet made out of Zippers I guess judging by the white zipper like yarn. We head inside the planet which looks like a smaller version of Mertz as we see Drake's mother who looks like Drake wearing purple alien clothes and a really weird hat cuddling her son Drake wrapped in purple cloth. Drake looks like a normal baby with buck teeth. And then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE as Drake-El enters (he looks like a wussy version of Superman) to declare to his wife that it is the end of the world as we know. It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine. Drake-El's wife no sells the whole thing as he goes to the ALIEN CHEST OF DEMONS and throws out various international objects blaming his brother Drake-Abel (okay; I made it up) for building a bomb to destroy Zipton. And his brother is the leader of the planet of course as a result as Drake-Eve points out that he didn't use the bomb and Drake-Cain (it's funnier this way; trust me) of course lies by saying that Drake-Abel who turned on the detonator when it was really Drake-Cain doing it of course. He finally pulls out the old gas gun and that Drake Jr. might need it on the planet Gribblefritz which I suspect was renamed QUCKERIA soon after this. However; since we all know that DRAKE MALLARD is telling this story; I don't believe it for a second.
More rumbling as Drake-Eve is confused of the whole plan as Drake-Cain pushes the white button on the wall and the trap door floor opens in the middle of the alien room to reveal a launchpad complete with the rocket. Drake-El grabs Drake Jr. from Drake-Eve's arms and puts him into the seat of the rocket. Yeap; this is the Superman parody and you know what; it's really cute now that I think about it. Drake-El gives him the gas gun and pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) much to the no-selling disdain of his wife; and the rocket raises above the room. Drake-El and Drake-Eve will perish together and their son shall live in a new planet only to bury everyone in the process. Yeah; I made the last part up; but you know that it is true. And of course; they ruined the whole pathos by proclaiming that he will be in a cartoon series. Hey; it's COMEDY BABY; so it makes sense here...and Drake is lying of course. Drake pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) again and that allows the rocket to rocket away without any problems whatsoever complete with the trailing smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!). Then the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons to reveal on the other side of the planet which is actually yarn instead of zippers. Wouldn't Yarnton make more sense; or is that trademarked?! Anyone; we go to the heel house and we know this because it is made and shaped like garlic. We head inside as Drake-Abel's wife is blowing him off for committing a REALLY STUPID idea of actually BLOWING UP THE PLANET!
She holds onto her baby by the yellow diapers harshly as she is basically Drake-Eve in a red dress and braids. She sounds like Fenton's grandmother without the raspy voice that made it so cool. The baby is holding a rattle of course so he can pound her since he's NegaDuck of course. Drake-Abel of course blows it off because it wasn't his fault and knowing Drake-El; I agree with him. Nega Eve blows her husband choice of title for destruction of course and it makes total sense. What's the point of controlling someone if you kill them all and control nothing. That makes you less of a dictator. Even Hitler knew that one and yeah; I'm dangerously close to violating Godwin's Law; but it makes logical sense. Thankfully; Drake-Abel proves my point about Drake-Cain's actions as he prepares his rocket with is red and yellow. Drake-Abel tries to climb the ladder; but Nega Eve blocks it. Drake-Abel then tries the old pot roast trick and that allows Nega-Eve to leave. Drake-Abel climbs the ladder and barely misses the safe which prompts Nega Eve to return and bounce Drake-Abel right onto the ground with a decent bump. NegaDuck MURDERS him good with the LOADED RATTLE OF DOOM for good measure as he and Nega Eve climb the ladder. NegaDuck climbs over Nega Eve into the rocket and dumps the ladder away from the rocket allowing Nega Eve to take a pretty good bump off-screen.
Nice to see Sun Woo is on their game so far as Neggy does a sputtering raspberry to amuse me (Baby characters in Disney are SOOOOO Funny for some odd reason) and then closes the glass rocket and it flies away allowing Nega Eve and Drake-Abel to be smoked with the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!). Drake-Abel thinks this is great because now QUACKERIA will have to deal with him. Sadly; the flashback is over because Honk is now interjecting into the proceedings because he's using the video driver to point out all the lies Drake spewed. Jan Drake clears his throat so you know right away that he is lying. Actually; I'm glad that picked the Janitor to tell the story and not Gos and Honk because this is much funnier that way. Gosaloid blows him off with the obvious response: It is a secret origin. If the video driver knew; then it wouldn't be a secret. See; nice logical sense there. Doesn't change the fact that Drake is lying; but it keeps the episode running of course. Drake then reveals that they didn't make it to Gribblefritz of course as we head back to see the two rockets collide with each other and go off-course. Nice wussy bump from Sun Woo of course; because the bump did no damage whatsoever to the rocket. Drake calls NegaDuck a Sunday driver. Drake is such a meanie as Neggy does the sputter raspberry and it isn't so funny this time around. Drake's rocket flies for a while and the rocket lands on QUACKERIA for real right straight into a Chinese temple and it takes wussy bumps while the monk leader calls this a brou-HAHA!
See; this is evidence of my point on Lost Horizons: It wasn't Asian Stereotypes that got it knocked off the air; it was Asian Stereotypes committing terrorist acts. When people get the difference; the world would be far better off. The rocket lands right in front of him perfectly which takes the power of suggestion to a whole new level and Vinny (as Drake proclaims) goes over and the glass door opens allowing Vinny to take Drake out. Vinny declare that Drake will be taught their ways and be called Stinky. Okay; that makes perfect sense and irony all rolled into one. We then head inside the temple as Drake is taught the finer points of inner peace (the monks are doing their meditation routine in the scene) which Drake (who is about ten years old at this point) fails badly by rolling the dice while getting off the POP-CULTURE PHRASE OF DOOM hoping for a seven. That is so funny and it can be funnier if Vinny MURDERS him with the stick; but I doubt that will ever happen. And he proves me wrong by whacking Drake's beak with the stick. Sun Woo decides to do the old anime flapping just to show how cheap the animation really is. The next scene has Drake being taught respect for all living thing which has Drake holding the butterfly from A Bad Reflection On You Part One. Insert Smurf joke here.
Of course Drake's respect is very low since he wants a jar to keep the thing. I betcha he gets whacked on the beak with the stick again. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good as the butterfly is free at last; Free at Last; OH BY GOLLY IT'S FREE AT LAST!! Sun Woo does the anime flapping spot to annoy me...and of course the next scene where Drake gets to beat people senseless which Drake has no problems doing as he does the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DEATH to knock the monk down silly with a decent bump off-screen. I think we know what happens next and it DOESN'T HAPPEN. BOO HISS to Vunny as Drake get to spar with another monk which looks like a badly drawn duck version of Friar Tuck. Drake stops for a minute seeing that he is as good as Drake is and does the old Look promo just to make Friar Duck Tuck look. Stupid trick as Drake MURDERS him with the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DEATH which sends Tuck into the WELL OF MISFORTUNE. Good spot there guys as Drake giggles on that spot and Vinny comes over. I think you can guess what Vinny does next here and we can move on. And Vinny outsmarts Drake which isn't too hard since Drake is REALLY STUPID which is on display for the first time here. Now all we need is the full of himself promos and we are all set. The dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM declares in the next scene that this wasn't all Zen and games as we see Drake playing with a basketball and a monk gets whacked right in the kisser with the basketball while he was playing Chinese Checkers (I think; it might be Go for all I know). Okay; that was funny as Vinny comes over and tells Drake that it is time to leave and find the home in his heart.
Drake sheds tears on that spot and feels bad and then cuts what is the first full of himself promo of his life...if Drake was telling the truth here. And you can guess what Vinny does next do you? Yeap; I knew you could. Vinny walks off calling him a Freeloader. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. We cut to outside of the temple as Drake waves goodbye to the monks and shows respect for a change as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons to helpfully reveal all. Gosaloid wonders if this is the part where he debuts in Saint Canard and Drake proclaims that it's not since overbooking is just fine in this episode since it's a fairy tale Drake is making up just to show how funny he is. We get the old PROJECTOR BACKGROUND OF DOOM spot as he is going to cross a desert and that of course logically leads to Drake gasping for water in the desert which is a parody/tribute spot to Bugs Bunny's battle against Riff-Raff Sam; the biggest Riff that ever Riffed Raffed. Sadly; Drake has no slip showing of course and there is no camel to get whacked (and cut because Peggy Charmon had a bad childhood I guess.) . Drake rolls on the sand and bumps right into the WATER VIAL OF DOOM which contains green liquid. Drake drinks the horrid substance and drops the vial coughing and sputtering. Disney Captions must hate the word raspberry for some odd reason as the steam rises from Drake's body and it reveals....THE GENIE FROM HELL...which turns out to he Herb Muddlefoot which is the third obvious sign that Drake is lying through his teeth of course.
Herb sees the coughing Drake and wants to stomp a mudhole in Drake's body and walk it dry. Which leads to the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM explaining what Drake learned as he get squashed by the GIANT FOOT OF DOOM and then Drake does the GRAVITY DEFYING GIANT THROW OF DOOM which sends the genie flying. I guess Larson and Gary was one of Vinny's big clients. Oh come on! How can you explain half of the monks in the temple?! Herb goes flying into the air (selling well I might add) and where he lands I do care because it better be on Drake Mallard. Sadly; he lands just short and it's so over-dramatic that even I had to laugh out loud on that one. The dust clears as Herb does the most complex speaking I have ever heard from him; putting him completely out of character which is obvious sign #4 that Drake is lying. Drake proclaims that he has three wishes while being so smug. Herb admits that he is had and decides to grant him three wishes. Drake proclaims himself as a humble man and goes for a drink of Cukoo Cola (All F In Love & War was a 2.1 CUKOO and Dances With Bigfoot was a 1.5 CUKOO in case you were wondering.); his gay outfit that he would officially wear and of course the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!). Herb absolutely hates that because that would bury him as a genie. Foreshadowing; no matter how intentional always exists. Drake blows him off because it's DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!). Herb teases a heel turn and then agrees to do it as he rises above the sand and grants his the wishes which makes Drake panic because he disappears. I love it when they tease a heel turn and it doesn't happen.
And of course he reappears as DARKWING...DUCK. With drink, smoke and gay outfit (without the mask of course). Drake blows off the costume; but allows it anyway. Genie Herb proclaims that he should use it wisely as the whole joke of the episode is that it will come in handy someday. Drake just drinks his drink and doesn't care as Herb looks at the hourglass and proclaims that he must leave to get the RV. He waves goodbye and flies away like a good genie would. Drake then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY because he forgot to wish for a camel. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Drake is REALLY STUPID even at his early age. Must be the diet Cuckoo cola. I hear diet cola causes brain damage. Then again; this is Alan Park we are talking about and he's a smug little bastard I hate more than I ever could Drake. He's up there with Peter Griffin actually. Drake yells at Herb Genie on the far away shot as the segment ends almost 12 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we continue to see DARKWING...DUCK crawling on the hot sand in the middle of the hot sand as Gosaloid interrupts the whole story just Drake forgotten something which Honk gleefully reveals that it's a story that makes sense. See; Honk knows this story is a complete lie right from the start due to the obvious cues Drake is making during said story. We head back to the MUSEUM OF VAIN MALLARDS. Gosaloid asks him about the other baby and Drake tries to ignore the fact that there was another baby in his story by claiming that there was no baby. Drake makes Left Behind look logical in comparison and that's a bad thing to be compared to Drake Mallard so you are officially hosed right there. Drake then recoils and decides to tell the story of the other baby much to Honk's disgust.
See; NegaDuck was picked up by Space Pirates and grew greedy and mean spirited. Do I have to go back to Tad Stone's house and tell him that he's despicable? AGAIN?! So it's back to the flashback of course as DARKWING..DUCK (minus mask of course) is walking on the desert panting due to the LATINO HEAT BABEE~! And of course the telescope spot occurs of course as we head to the rocket ship which has reversed colors I see. I would call this a color mistake; but this is Drake Mallard's story so chalk it up with him lying of course. NegaDuck calls him a sap and a mega geek because he's going to ruin his plans for world domination. Finally; someone who is thinking big enough. The rocket blasts into the planet of QUACKERIA as we cut back to Drake walking across the sands for seventeen straight days. (17? Yeah right?!) Suddenly; the burning sand feeling is gone and he's now floating on air.
Apparently; the green laser has zapped his webfeet and he is floating up towards the rocket ship. And so we cut to inside the rocket ship as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM reveals that Stinky will be made an offer by Nega Duck of course. Neggy swings the chair around to reveal himself and shows why Shere Khan was a lot better in doing such a spot. Neggy proclaims that Drake/Stinky help conquer the planet and Nega Duck will let him breathe. The dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM replies that Stinky will reply....No of course. Geez; what a shock that was?! I guess Eisner has told them: No more major character heel turns after the Plunder and Lightning Part Three incident. Sadly; even Tad ignored that warning with Gosalyn later on in this series. And of course, NegaDuck pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and calls him too good for him. The trapdoor opens beneath Drake's feet and Drake free falls from space. Sadly; Drake's head doesn't explode before it free falls into QUACKERIA. I'll accept this one as a dramatic free fall despite making no sense since there is gravity now; and Drake's head doesn't pop. Sadly; it turns into a comedy act as Drake goes through the clouds in comic fashion complete with Scooby Doo Snow Angel Spot.......
Joey Styles: We just fixed those clouds.
....for Kit to surf on of course. And here comes the Thunder Quack to completely contradict the pilot episode. Not that it matters since DRAKE MALLARD is telling the story and lying through his teeth the whole time. I mean he's already contradicted ParaDucks with the monks scene. Drake flops right onto the front of it like a freakin bug on my windshield (God bless Kenny Blankenship.)...Even Launchpad inside the Thunder Quack is making reference to it. Gosalyn (the real one of course) is inside and she's dressed like Fly-girl from Heavy Mental. A note: I did the last two DVD episodes out of sequence; so that's how I know. I haven't watched this show in years so I don't know much of anything other than what I am given. The Thunder Quack throws Drake off of itself and Drake's head gets planted right into the hot sand. That's the kind of spot I would love to see Drake get everytime since the shot to the nut isn't allowed anymore thanks to Bullethead Baloo. LP and Gosalyn pop out of the Thunder Quack as Drake pops out of his planting spot (BOO HISS!); dusts himself off and thanks the strangers for help. He asks for a name and she calls herself the Mysterious Mask Avenger of Evil. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry; I lost track there. At least Drake has some black to make him somewhat bad ass because Gosalyn's outfit is not only more gayer than Drake's outfit; it makes her look like a complete tool in it. This is failed gimmick #2 for Gosalyn (for rant purposes of course); but the one that got her over is still forthcoming. It's probably on Disc 3; or maybe not.
Avenger introduces Launchpad to us because some half truth has to be inserted in due to contract reasons. Avenger then demands answers to Drake's name and origin. Drake inhales deeply and sadly; he's not trying to kill himself with it and tells his story about Zipton and all that crap as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons to put everyone to sleep as the point shows in the scene changer and shows LP and Avenger asleep together of course. HAHA! Drake's stories cure insomnia what a surprise?! The sleep spot actually wastes some time and they snore too loud and wake each other up....Just in time for Drake to reveal that he's here to stop his evil cousin NegaDuck from committing world domination and everlasting suffering. Because lord knows if Drake fails to do that on his own with this foolish story. Avenger decides to take him to the Avenger Tower in order to keep the batting average up for violating ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt not rhyme; because it's COOL!) and so we head there which is really Drake's hideout in the real world of course. Again; this all contradicts logic and reason; but since Drake Mallard is telling the story; you know....We head inside as Avenger describes the place as Drake unleashes the CUKOO COLA OF DEATH and that scares Avenger to death while Drake is so carefree and so careless with it. Launchpad grabs it and reveals that it is Avenger's only weakness; a rib on Superman no doubt.
Apparently; one sip is fine, two sips are painful and the whole can would kill her more or less. She has diabetes obviously and I'm shocked that NO ONE in creative NOTICES THAT! Sadly; the alarm beckon which means that the heel is here to destroy Saint Canard of course. Geez; this was too easy to call as the REVERSE COLOR ROCKET OF DEATH shoots to kill as he destroys the building to get in the contracted dogsperson nude in the bathtub spot in of course. This take redo spots to a new low here as Avenger is ready to fight of course. THE GANG OF GAG slide down the ladder in a cute spot as Avenger still doesn't know Drake's name and Drake reveals himself as Stinky which Avenger gleefully blows off. Launchpad gives off the lame crack of the episode and Avenger declares him as DARKWING...DUCK!! Drake likes the name very well; but asks for some meaning and Avenger blows it off because names don't mean anything because the cool is in. Jymn Magon if he ever gets a chance should meet with Gosalyn and explain to her the symbolic importance of names. Or maybe Kit THE MIRACLE WORKER should explain it to her. I still think those two would be perfect for each other. Avenger than shows Stinky (from now on; he's Stinky, it's too funny not to drive into the ground.) the fine art of being dangerous which is bad growling.
Stinky stinks at that spot of course and Avenger suggests that Stinky wear a mask which should make it marginally better. Star scene changer and we head into the city as Launchpad drives the Thunder Quack in the city as Stinky thanks Avenger for the mask and cape that Drake would use. And just to annoy me; he calls her Avengie. Avenger does the annoying Gruffi spot to answer that spot and blows him off nicely of course. The city is clearly in partial rubble as Avenger invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DOOM to show where NegaDuck's rocket is. Stinky warns Avenger about the range of the laser gun and of course Avenger tells LP to right right in front of it while cutting a full of herself promo. No wonder Drake got REALLY STUPID after this; he's taking orders from Gosalyn. Sure; this story is a total lie; but even total lies have half truths and nuggets of facts if you look carefully...or maybe not. And the orange laser fries the Thunder Quack into ashes DUH! Wait a second! Isn't Steelbeak the one to get that spot?! Like it matter anyway since Steelgeek sucks like crap so I'll let it slide. That leads to the freef all of course in dramatic fashion to end the segment seventeen minutes in. Nice sequence though and it looks like the editing was dead on this time; unlike Up, Up & Awry while Kennedy Cartoon looked like Ruby Spears all the way.
After the commercial break; and we still get more falling which ends with them crashing into the roof of the building with a MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON (and a really nasty one too) and they fall into the vat of CUCKOO COLA OF DEATH! UH-OH! Goodbye Avenger; it was nice knowing ya.....
Joey: We just fixed that roof!
Drake and Launchpad pop out of the SUGARY COLA OF DEATH and go to the side as Launchpad realizes that this is Coo-Coo Cola and Avenger is so dead as we see Avenger struggle like a maniac to prevent from drinking that substance. Scene changer and they manage to get Avenger out of there; but she is on her deathbed as Stinky carries her outside as Avenger completely oversells her last will and death chant. This is just too funny to watch as her belly clearly drank too much cola and she's going to be in acute pain due to the fact that she is DIABETIC! Type One I believe. Stinky puts her down on the sidewalk and Avenger still completely oversells the whole thing as I am spitting out my drink in giggles. Launchpad sobs of course to make the scene even funnier in hindsight. Avenger proclaims that she is finished and she just dies right there making her the first official child in DTVA history to die. At least in theory since this is you know who telling you know what. The DRAMATIC DEAD MUSIC OF DOOM just makes the whole thing even funnier. Stinky declares that it is over and Avenger then wakes up and asks for one more thing as I'm almost rolling on the floor laughing at this fake death scene. She is officially better than Kit Cloudkicker on that spot. Nice to see Jan remember how awesome Kit is as a character and apply it here with Gosalyn.
More over the top selling from Avenger as she passes the torch to Stinky as he is now a crime fighter...and then dies...at least in theory. Drake puts his gay Zorro hat in front of him and walks away from Avenger praising her for her efforts and then Avenger wakes up to say that is right. This is so funny that I don't think I get carry on without injuring myself. More over the top selling from Avenger as I weep in sorrow that TaleSpin and Darkwing Duck never did a crossover series because who wouldn't want to see an contest between Kit, Gosalyn, Oscar, Ernie, Honker, Tank and Molly to see who can rule the roost. Six of the best characters in DTVA history (plus Cubbi) and Ernie too; and Disney didn't see $$$ signs there?! She declares DARKWING....DUCK as the new hero and then dies....once again saw it with me...in theory of course. She does the cola pillar spot to prove that she is dead and Launchpad screams no because now there will never be a cartoon series. I'm SHOCKED that neither joke has been pounded to the ground yet; but Jan Strnad is writing this one so it is apporos. And Launchpad is out of a job which makes even Honk sniffle in pain as we head back to the MUSUEM OF VAIN MALLARDS. Huh?! He blows it off as his immune problems again as Gosaloid has a tear in her eyes. I guess androids have feeling after all; akin to Astroboy I might add.
Janitor Drake proclaims that it is now time for DARKWING..DUCK to run his false destiny and be the terror that flaps in the night and we head back to Stinky's hideout as Stinky writes down all of his catchphrases and such while being so full of himself. Well; it had to happen sooner or later. Here comes Launchpad as Stinky blows him off because he's trying to be a superhero. Yeah right?! More like a grammar police... That's Thursday's gimmick! Launchpad shows Stinky that the REVERSED COLOR ROCKET OF DEATH is shooting to kill inside THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD! Stinky pulls Launchpad and he cuts the first dangerous promo in his career; at least in theory. First spot he has done on his own I should point out. Star scene changer as the public looks at the TQ OF DOOM flying towards the REVERSED COLOR ROCKET OF DOOM and Stinky tells LP to fly in as close as he can and of course they whacked the left side of it in a MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH HALF CHEESE AND BACON. LP opens the glass hatch and Stinky blows him off for the bump.
Stinky crawls under the small hole for himself (nice move there Sun Woo) and cuts his VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo to complete the entire list of stuff he'll use to annoy the living piss out of me. And then he realizes that he has never fought crime and doesn't know when to start. Which brings out the MEMORY CLOUD OF DOOM which features Genie Herb telling him that it could come in handy someday. Stinky realizes what Herb said and that logically leads to inside the cockpit of NegaDuck's ship as Neggy is sitting in the chair wondering what is going on here as the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM complete with smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) at 19:57....
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the hero that every culture in every world needs. I am DARKWING...DUCK!
And Neggy turns around and is mildly amused by the entrance. Drake then cuts a full of himself promo because Stinky has watched too many kung fu movies. Neggy gleefully blows it off and reveals the murder laser. Nice to see that he is still pretty violent. Neggy points it in Stinky's face which brings out the MEMORY CLOUD OF DOOM which features Avenger this time as she tells him to look dangerous and Stinky somehow does a better job of it. Well this is Drake's false story so burying Neggy from the starting gate actually makes sense here. Neggy backs up of course because this is Drake's story (CONTINUITY from Comic Book Capers mind you.) and then no-sell to defy him as he's going to MURDER Stinky's face with the laser murderer. Stinky is screwed until the MEMORY CLOUD OF DOOM beckons; this time Drake-El (or Drake-Cain depending on your point of view) tells him to invoke the gas gun and Stinky sells it marking the first time he used it...again say it with me...in theory...Stinky does some lame gymnastics to get out of range and then invokes the gas gun and tells NegaDuck to suck gas. Stinky fires the gas gun and it's green toxic poison which causes NegaDuck to wheeze when it breaks in front of his feet.
NegaDuck is distracted which brings out the MEMORY CLOUD OF DOOM which shows Vinny kicking Stinky in the face and Stinky goes flying which makes no sense since all we saw Vinny do is whack Stinky with the stick. But this is Drake's story and the logic flew out the window right out of the starting gate. I think this is a crack at critics who call this Cartoon Duck Syndrome. If so; my respect for Jan just fell a notch. Stinky then proves that he is a coward by getting Neggy from behind with the LEAD KUNG FU ACTION KICK OF DEATH which sends NegaDuck flying. It's Drake's story; what did you expect?! NegaDuck backs up like a coward pleading for mercy (Geez; what a shock?) as Stinky and Neggy go off-screen and Stinky basically MURDERS him complete with badly animated impact stars and decently animated international objects flying. We cut to Stinky stepping on NegaDuck's rear end which is the first spot Sun Woo has blown in this episode amazingly enough. Drake glows Wii Blue to symbolize what Reggie will do after kicking Sony's ass. Or maybe not as the MEMORY CLOUD OF DOOM beckons and Avenger comes back for one more overselling effort before she flops dead. (first death reference I should note)In a memory cloud?! That's overkill guys...but funny overkill of course.
Sadly the story is officially over and it is morning inside the MUSUEM OF VAIN MALLARD as the curator returns and he's angry as hell as Honk and Gosaloid wake up and are pretty thankful that he is here. The curator demands answers and Gosaloid explains that a janitor was here telling him his false life story which the curator blows off because they had none in fifty years since it was done by robots. Honk blows on Drake's mask of course and the curator notices it and wants to see it. Honk gives it to him and the curator is amazed because it's the missing 200 year old version of DARKWING...DUCK mask. Notice how he sells the moment as a mark?! That proves that DARKWING...DUCK was not a myth in this world after all. The curator floats over and puts the mask onto the white face in the uniform display. The curator then suddenly gets hot as he demands answers and then he just faints dead away. That just makes no sense whatsoever; I guess Honk's illness killed him. Honk and Gosaloid float away as she completely blows off Honk for his research. Honk stammers like he is bullied and proclaims that even myths have some basis of reality as they pan over to the uniform display one more time to end the episode at 21:10. Again; another perfect episode from Jan Strnad which doesn't surprise me in the least. However; this episode is the final proof that without logic and no reasoning; this series is toast as a whole. Again; this episode proves why TaleSpin is the better series overall. ***** ( 100%)
THE REVIEW LINE
If you watched this episode and rated on this as a serious origin story; this would be barely average because there are just too many logic breaks to make it worthwhile. The story is just unbelievable. However; this is not the real origin episode for Drake Mallard. Not even close. It is basically Drake telling a fairy tale that is just over the top and downright false. However; there is one major difference: This story was just damn funny from start to finish. This is the ultimate vain story and it was animated really well and nearly every spot they did was pretty funny. From the Superman birth to the obvious burying ending which makes sense this time because it's Drake we are talking about; it was awesome. The best spot: Avenger's overkill death scene that was so funny even when she reappeared in the memory cloud just to drive it home one more time to get one more laugh before the episode is over. Overall; a perfect episode just as I expect from a comic book writer like Jan Strnad.
However; this episode is historic in my opinion because it basically shows that the writers cannot get out of Cartoon Duck Syndrome if they are writing this kind of episode. It works here because it's obvious that Drake is telling the story and that he is full of crap most of the time. It makes perfect sense. But once Drake is in the Darkwing Duck world that he is in trying to fight crime; the episode just makes less and less sense. It exposes the major problem with Cartoon Duck Syndrome: The writers don't see this as a TaleSpin episode because it's a cartoon duck and the fans will cheer no matter what Drake does even if it doesn't make any sense. While it worked during it's heyday; hindsight shows that the series hasn't aged as well as it should be; most so against TaleSpin which seems to become more and more watchable the longer the series ages. The second major problem is that these bad habits of writing and cheaper animation didn't die with Darkwing Duck and carried on into Goof Troop which had an even more asinine premise in being related to Home Improvement and then in Bonkers: The Lucky Era when less talented producers started working in the top slots of the production.
If Tad Stones hadn't returned in Aladdin: The Series (which was basically there because Disney thought that they couldn't get a parody of a Disney movie over anymore showing just how special TaleSpin really was.) and Greg had returned in Gargoyles (which was near perfect; but in hindsight was a response to Batman and made into something that it could never be due to Disney standards.); then we wouldn't have a exceptional series until Kim Possible which is at least a decade later. Think about that one and sulk..and the danger is that without Gargoyles; Disney might have pulled the plug on DTVA right there and focus on Disney Home Video instead. It shows that really bad habits in a great series can be destructive for other series. Next up is a good episode in Toys Czar Us with Quackerjack and then the final episode on Disc One is Adopt A Con. I can only hope that Cartoon Duck Syndrome doesn't affect them much because it looks like that bad virus is here to stay. Prepare for the pain as I give a.....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.
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