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Up, Up & Awry
Reviewed: 02/05/2008
It's The Megavolts VS. The Mega Egomaniacs!!
Well; I guess we find out that all important question: How many windbags does it take before the screen completely explodes? Let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
The episode is written by Dev Ross the story is edited by Ken “Crosby” Hopps... Kennedy Cartoons is animating this one so we have gone seven straight episodes without a single good animation studio yet.
We begin with the STOCK FOOTAGE THE CLOUD EDITION OF DEATH as they pull away to reveal the horse track. Okay; that looks so out of place for this series. I thought such a thing would be uncool. The PUPPY POWER MUSIC OF DOOM beckons and then the bell rings and THEY ARE OFF...to suck. The animation of the race horses suck so much and it's so choppy that it means only Kennedy Cartoons is animating this episode. This is a perfect example of true Sidism. Thankfully; before it can get REALLY STUPID; we pan over to the barn where a police car is parked outside as the shortest horse jockey in history is exchanging notes with the dog police officer from Easy Comes, Easy Grows. Now all we need is Drake Mallard and this episode will blow. Jockey then does the biggest no-no of them all by jumping and grabbing onto the uniform of the police officer proclaiming that his horse Thunder has disappeared. I betcha PETA was behind all this; it's not like due process exists in the world of QUACKERIA. They go inside (I think) as we pan over into the barn and play the old “One of these horses is not like the other” with the horse. Geez; they gray horse and just got fed by the female mallard looks SO FAKE!! And of course it is Drake full of himself Mallard in the horse disguise that was used by Baloo and Jane in Waiders of the Wost Tweasure. Drake of course complains right off the bat just to allow Launchpad to make an ass out of himself literally as per in his contract. Huh?! No lame retort from LP?! That's pretty sloppy as Drake and LP refit their disguise and walk out of the barn doing the usual horse disguise delay spot just to create cheap heat.
How Jane and Baloo pulled it off without being too contrived is beyond me. Oh wait; it's because they are SO FAT! It makes perfect sense now. The brown horse in the background is confused; but starts to panic because his horseshoes are making him float right into the air. Sadly; the magnetic buzzing (helpfully labeled as such by Disney Captions) gives away the entire evil scheme right out of the starting gate. The brown horse floats away as Horse Drake cuts his usual VOICEOVER OF DOOM because he is so full of himself. Now here comes Midget Jockey as he has finally found Thunder the Horse. Ummm...WAIT A MINUTE! If he's claiming that Thunder is gone and he went into the stalls; then how come he didn't SEE Drake as Thunder The Horse. OH MY GOD Dev; you created a horrible LOGIC BREAK just so you could do the old human horse racing spot?! This is the same Dev who wrote A Star Is Torn by the way in case anyone didn't notice. And now he calls him Lightning just to cover it up. So he's got TWO horses?! Never mind; my head hurts. We cut to the starting gate with the fanfare trumpet and THEY ARE OFF...to suck AGAIN! At least the animation is slightly better this time around. The dust cloud clears as Midget Lightning is in last place, DUH! Drake is SOOOOOO STUPID! Midget Lightning invokes the black goad stick on Thunder and Drake blows him off for doing it. Midget Lightning looks about as confused as I am in the early writing of this episode. They do the lame 45 degree horse pull just to annoy me (because it's funnier with two fat people than two thin ones I guess) .
They go around the bend as the real horses are nearing the turn to home. At least Kennedy's animation is getting better. And then their horseshoes start glowing and buzzing. They ride into the air as the laws of gravity and magnetism are all violated for the sake of a laugh that NEVER comes. Well; unless you count the fact that the jockey's are more stupid than Drake is and they don't even notice. Okay; forget it, they got the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and the horses halt on a dime. Midget Lightning turns around the bend and it's a race to see much time they have wasted and they cross the finish line; fly in midair (in an interesting visual that would have been better in slow motion.) and take a pretty wussy bump into the winner's tent. It's Kennedy; what did you expect?! The Negaverse?! Midget Lightning pops out of the tent and declares that he has won which will likely be reversed by the International Olympic Committee because of violation of magnetism. Sadly; it will be given back when it's discovered that the horses were taking steroids and then stripped completely when they find out Midget Lightning was not riding a real horse. There; that such do it for the infractions. The horses turn upside down and the jockeys get dumped onto the ground with no bumps present. The horses then float around and stick right onto a giant magnet. The giant magnet is attached to the blimp which of course is the sign for Team Rocket to later steal and pound the joke into the ground. Drake deduces that it is Sparky who is stealing the horses by magnetizing the horseshoes which is probably true anyway; but QUACKERIA should invest in a good dose of due process. Midget Lightning is SHOCKED to notice that his horse can talk. Oh really?!
This guy needs to have his eyes checked as Drake finally blows his cover because he is so full of himself. Please my lord...send in Gizmo Duck NOW!! I cannot stand this dull episode thus far. Launchpad undresses as Drake runs into the barn and grabs the LUCKY HORSESHOE OF DEATH which somehow comes out easily despite sticking to the metal hook. Logic Break #3 for the episode already. Drake comes out and somehow the magnet doesn't rise up until Drake tells it to go up and up & away. So Drake is the God of Magnets now?! Logic Break #4 for the episode. I just had to get this episode after two great ones earlier. It sticks to the magnet as Sparky finally pops out wearing a cowboy hat and blows off Drake. Drake blows him off in kind and threatens Sparky with the gas gun and a cease and desist order. Sparky gleefully answers that lame promo for me by invoking the remote control and that turns off the magnet. Geez; Drake is REALLY STUPID; what a surprise?! Warner Brothers midair spot beckons and Kennedy screws that one up big time; so Drake free falls (DUH!) and then takes the wussiest off-screen bump I have ever heard. Seriously; a duck goes quack is used AS A SOUND EFFECT. Sparky cuts a promo on his remote and then we cut to see that the bump was one WITH CHEESE AND BACON. Oh for God's sakes guys; use a better sound effect if you want to do that spot.
Launchpad blows off Drake because the blimp and the lame sound effects guys are getting away. Okay; I made up the last part. Drake pops out and straightens out his beak which Kennedy screws up of course because they are not playing ball here at all. And then here comes; HEROIC FAT ROCKET OUT OF CONTROL~! YAY! Gimzo Duck is here; he might just save this episode after all. Oh great; that con from Double Darkwings has returned (and you thought TaleSpin's recycling was contrived?!) as three dogspeople cut a really lame promo and we finally see Gizmo Duck floating in the air. And then he shows exactly how to cut a proper full of himself promo by opening his machine and revealing that he was promoting his new book: Gizmoduck: The Making Of A Superhero. I surprised that Drake hasn't heard about it; or maybe I shouldn't be since Drake is so full of himself. And it's going to be made into a motion picture which will really suck in Drake's eyes and rule for everyone else. Gizmo Duck then decides not to overstay his welcome and invokes the trumpet and it sounds so funny. He backs up and then cuts another full of himself promo and then flies around as the crowd (which has ballooned to about 30 adults now) pops for him. Gizmo Duck goes to the ropes and then opens his machine to reveal the scissors. He then cuts another full of himself promo and basically steals all of Drake's heat and then a lot in one shot.
He cuts the ropes and the magnet free falls DUH! The crowd scatters; but Gizmo Duck flies right down there to stop it before it hits the ground because he knows that Kennedy cartoons suck. He does some flipping and then safely puts the magnet (which has morphed into a large trailer by now I see. Logic Break #5 for the episode and we're barely six minutes in) down without any bumps. The crowd goes nuts for this as they celebrate by putting a wreath over his neck. And of course the PRESS OF FRAUD arrives in typical Kennedy fashion and they take photographs for the next edition of Smearing Gun Magazine; the ultimate on-line rag for washed up cartoon characters. And here comes pissed off Drake Mallard storming in and calling him a hack. Yeah; calling the guy who save Ducktales from the evil that was Bubba Cave Duck a hack; that's real smart. I betcha he sezs that about Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck too. Drake lays down the law and it is SOOOOOOOO WEAK! Go away Drake; you lost bigtime. Own up; apologize for stealing his heat and move on buster! Gizmo Duck decides to be a man and he gives Drake the magnet trailer which Drake grabs onto and cuts another full of himself promo. You deserve to die for falling for that spot Drake you REALLY STUPID Mallard. He gets squashed flatter than Alexander The Grape, Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! And STOP USING THAT DUCK CALL SOUND EFFECT GUYS! IT REALLY SUCKS!........
Ron Sparks: It's sucks more than Shawn Desmond.
Hey; I have to start a new paragraph sometime around because we are now beyond six minutes in this episode I should point out. Drake of course asks him not to answer that and I'm sure Gizmo Duck is gone by now and doesn't care to. We now head to Drake's hideout (at 6:21 for those who were counting.) and cut to the television monitor as Tom Lockjaw is reading his notes about the heroic efforts of Gizmo Duck (with helpful picture of Gizmo Duck on the top right side to force the point). Tom Lockjaw's nose is pink in that spot I see. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?! Remember; color styling is NOT A TOY! Only professionals should be using them which leaves Kennedy Cartoons high and dry. They would have to be professionals see. We then cut to Drake Mallard watching in his green comfy chair using the lamest sarcasm this side of Baloo. Drake clicks the remote while cutting yet another self-serving promo. See; Gizmo Duck is getting under Drake's skin because Fenton is like Drake; but funnier, more full of himself (and better at it) and REALLY STUPID. That's probably why it would have been better just to use Fenton and give Hamilton Camp a chance at Disney Super Stardom(TM Disney Inc. All Rights Reserved) instead of Jim Cummings. Drake decides to do some light reading and then realizes that he's reading Gizmo Duck's book.
Too funny as Drake is screwed stiff and really appalled by the situation. This episode is redeeming itself. Nice to see Dev Ross remember her roots. Drake throws the book away which Kennedy cartoons screws up AGAIN as Gosalyn arrives wearing a pink Gizmo Duck T-Shirt and eating a Gizmo Duck Burger just to annoy Drake even more. Drake's annoying pose is so bad that it is funny as Gosalyn asks why he hasn't gone after Sparky?! Now you would think that he would have taken the hint and conjured up a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN to screw Gizmo Duck by actually ARRESTING Sparky; but Drake is REALLY STUPID and blows off Gosalyn's wearing of the Gizmo Duck T-Shirt. Gosalyn teases sympathy for a second and then decides to side with Gizmo Duck. Good for her; at least she knows a good character when she SEES one. Drake then jumps onto the green chair and cuts the most self-serving VOICEOVER OF DOOM to date. What the heck is wrong with being an unsung hero Drake?! Maybe some heroes don't like getting public attention? What's wrong with that?! Oh wait; I forgot. Drake is a dork with no life of his own. Kind of like those who wrote that sarcastic review of Endless Ocean for EGM.
Gosalyn of course blows him off and decides to bail as Kennedy finally hits their first spot where Drake does the Shere Khan clawing the chair spot to really annoy me ((I go to LA....I find Tad Stones sitting in a chair.) Gregory: YOU'RE DESPICABLE!! (I go home.)) and it's the bad annoying pose from Drake. I see Gruffi has infected Drake's ego I see. And then the hammer sounds beckons and even Drake hates that. Apparently; seething is not good enough to be done without silence. As if I care. Drake walks to the sound and we pan over to see Launchpad fixing the Thunder Quack and covered with oil. See Launchpad is helping Drake back on his feet to becoming a hero. Drake jumps down and blows LP off for that because it's pointless to try as long as Gizmo Duck is around to bug him and steal his heat. See; this is the real reason why Drake has been burying villains for so long. And speaking of the devil; we cut up and see Gizmo Duck riding chopper into the window of the hideout greeting Drake. Fenton rides around and then land without incident as Drake invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH because Gizmo Duck doesn't knock. As if Gosalyn ever did?! It's always great to see Drake's ego get deflated and even more so that Fenton Crackshell is doing it. Fenton does the delayed insert chopper in the head spot to amuse me some more and then tells Drake to care less about manners as he pulls out the GIZMO DUCK DOLL OF DOOM. The reason: because it has a screw loose which Drake gleefully mocks of course.
Gizmo Duck winds up the doll and it crawls up on Drake and says: MAMA! I'm sorry; I liked this spot better in Molly Coddled; but it is still pretty funny when the doll hugs Drake and wets it's pants (so says Gizmo Duck!). Anyhow; Gizmo uncorks the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN THE POP UP LIGHTBULB EDITION~ (to celebrate the light bulb that pops up out of Fenton's noggin.) and propose that they team up together! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..oh boy.. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now that is showing how to be REALLY STUPID Fenton Crackshell. I mean; like Drake would EVER accept that one. Fenton even invokes the BUGS BUNNY ELECTRO MARCHING BAND OF DEATH (Check the finish of the Bugs Bunny episode where Bugs cheat on a Scottish golf in a game of golf for that spot.). Sadly; Drake doesn't want to play ball because Fenton misses his head with the cymbals. Launchpad considers this a great idea of course because he likes Gizmoduck and Drake doesn't see. Drake shrugs off LP as Gizmo Duck invokes the contract and gives it to Drake to sign. Drake completely blows it off because he wouldn't work for a windbag who is more over than he is even if the planet was going to be MURDERED as a result. Okay; maybe not with those choice of words; but it is good enough.
And the contract gets shredded by Drake of course and Kennedy slightly screws that up. And now there is more rumbling as everyone is staggering around because we head to outside where we see Sparky cutting the wires off of the bridge with the electric saw. And how it doesn't get dull is a question only How It's Made knows I guess. He pats on the buzz saw as if it was a human being (geez; what a shock?!) and then continues the cutting of the wires. Bad logic break; Sparky is wearing no wires to hang from so if he cut that wire then he would free fall in real life. Logic Break #7 for the episode as Drake and Launchpad hang on to the barber pole . Gizmo Duck isn't and he's not worried because his talent is in saving the day...and screwing with Drake's heat. I accept both in this case by the way. I don't remember Gizmo Duck being hooked at any point in that scene as Gizmo Duck tries to drive; but no go. Logic Break #8 for the episode and Act I hasn't even been completed yet. Drake blows him off and runs stage right; but Gizmo Duck isn't worried as he pulls it full throttle.
And Logic Break #9 rears it's ugly head as the grappling hook is from the Thunder Quack. I don't remember it being loose in the first place. This means that they are one logic break away from a milestone that Ross doesn't want to be a part of. And of course; the logic break was to set up a contrived spot as Fenton and LP get squashed with the Thunder Quack. It might have been funnier if the logic breaks were not so obvious. Nice bumping from the Thunder Quack though as we head topside to the blimp as Sparky is about to put all of his stuff that he stole from together and before it can get any good (Oh dear; they are going to bury Sparky now like they did with Bushroot); the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM (complete with the smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) of course) beckons at 9:56....
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the blown fuse that blacks you out.
Okay; that one makes sense at least and it is the first good promo Drake himself has cut...at the ten minute mark of course. The smoke clears and there is Drake hanging on a rope as Sparky rightfully blows off Drake for being so full of himself. And he then invokes the THUNDERBOLT FINGER OF DOOM to burn the rope. Now that's being on as Drake tries to blow out the tiny flame and there is no dice. Drake's blowing blows worse than Easy Comes, Easy Grows of course. The rope burns to ashes one way only which is Logic Break #10 for the episode as Drake has no rope and no hope chest left. YAY! One logic break I actually liked. Drake free falls of course and takes a MAN-SIZED bump with HALF CHEESE AND HALF BACON right into the pavement with his face. HAHA! That's the third spot Kennedy has actually hit. Drake then commits Logic Break #11 by magically popping out of the hole despite not seeing him and Sparky rightfully zaps Drake good for that lame moment. Drake hops around on his webfeet like a maniac as Sparky does the Dance Zapping spot to amuse me some more. And then he goes over the bridge and grabs onto the side. That wasn't contrived in the very least no siree!
Sparky calls him Dip Wing in order to get in my good graces some more and then blows off Drake's lack of ability to fly. Drake counters that superpowers do not a super hero make..and then we pan down to see that the bay is filled with sharks because recycling All's Whale That Ends Whale seemed like a good idea at the time. Drake now wishes he had superpowers to make that spot not appear at all. Sparky nails the FINGER BOLT OF DEATH which shocks Drake good (complete with terrible Dalek X-RAY OF DOOM spot) and Drake free falls into the water with a splash. The shark surround him of course thus completing the recycling of the spot from All's Whale...and I'm shocked that Larson and Gary haven't gotten to these animals. Drake feigns courage and the middle part of the bridge magically starts to collapse despite a lack of evidence showing that Sparky did ANY more work on the wires. Logic Break #12 for the episode as the fatso sharks surround Drake and the segment mercifully ends almost 11 and a half minutes. This is literally like watching The Incredible Shrinking Molly all over again with Sparky being Kit, Drake being Baloo and Gizmo Duck being Doctor Zvaldo. That's the kind of nightmare I don't need to see ever again. 12 FREAKIN LOGIC BREAKS IN ONE ACT?! Has DTVA lost it's mind?!
After the commercial break; we see the bridge section continue to bounce and we pan down to see Drake begging for mercy as a shark tries to eat him; but the WEBFEET OF IRON DOOM prevents that. Then we go to the scene changer (HUH?!) as Launchpad manages to climb out of the carnage slowly. He asks if Gizmo Duck is all right and of course Gizmo Duck lifts the Thunder Quack without any effort to unintentionally demonstrate that he is literally carrying this episode kicking and screaming. That is the most iconic moment of this episode and I fear that this episode is going to get worse. Apparently; the Thunder Quack needed a tune up and oil change as Fenton puts it down and storms out to find Drake we happens to be underwater swallowed whole by a shark. HAHA! Sadly; here comes Gizmo Duck (in Chopper mode again) to the rescue. Memo to Fenton: It's sometimes better just to let go and allow Darwinism to take it's course. Gizmo Duck tells the shark to open wide and he invokes the JAWS OF HALF LIFE to open the shark's mouth and he dives in.
Gizmo pulls out Drake who is kicking and screaming because he wants to be the REALLY STUPID hero. That is just peachy as Gizmo flies out of the water and Drake then blows him off with another full of himself. When it comes to gratitude; Drake is a cognitive miser. Gizmo flies towards the underside of the bridge and stabilizes it easily. He then cuts his full of himself basically out performing anything Drake has ever done. He flies up and welds the cables back into place much to the disdain of Sparky I bet and of course Drake feels humiliated. I have zero sympathy for him as you can just hear the world tiniest violin playing for him beforehand. Fenton then flies back into the hideout and plops Drake onto the ground taking the weakest bump in history as he proclaims to Launchpad that Drake is safe, sound and sulking. How can you NOT love Fenton Crackshell?! And why isn't he the main character here?! Launchpad proclaims that Gizmo Duck has saved the day which Drake blows off because he let Sparky get away. Wrong Drake; YOU let Sparky get away which is helpfully shown as the blimp leaves stage northwest. We cut back to the blimp as Sparky is proclaiming his night is lucky since Drake has completely screwed himself as a hero of course.
Sparky is turning the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY inside and then makes passes on the WIRE COIL OF DOOM when the camera pans to the right. Sparky is downright insane as he blows off Drake; but is forced to stop because here comes GIZMDUCK!! It's funnier that way trust me. He then invokes the needle and flies up to avoid Sparky and towards the air balloon. He invokes the needle on the balloon while cutting a full of himself promo and Sparky is so BUSTED! The blimp falls into the ocean with a resounding splash and that is that for Sparky as he is seen locked up behind bar. And then we get a surprise as that female dogsperson reporter (check the peach outfit and microphone attached to the recorder) from Ducktales makes a cameo appearance to interview Gizmo Duck. Man; did her voice turn into crap since those old days. She must be Gizmoduck's PR director.
She's Barbara in case you didn't noticed as Gizmo Duck feigns modesty before cutting another really good full of himself promo of course. Gizmo Duck is just carrying this episode so much that he might as well be called Kit THE MIRACLE WORKER Cloudkicker. And of course Drake whines about it as he watches on the television from the green chair. You head that sound Drake?! It's the world's you know what. If you didn't bury Bushroot so much and then attempt to bury Sparky then maybe I wouldn't be cheering for Fenton Crackshell to replace you. Drake then starts getting inspired as he planning his next edition of the MIMI JOKE ZONE! It never goes out of style seeing babyfaces try plans that NEVER WORK AT ALL.....
We cut back to outside of Drake's hideout and Drake invokes the VOICEOVER OF DOOM just to drag this episode down even more than it already is. See; Drake is going to invoke the SUPERNATURAL OF GOD to gain superpowers and is going to invoke the gamma ray gun to do it. Launchpad rightfully questions this method as he finishes the ray gun and Drake declares that it will work because he watched late night movies and knows this stuff. Memo to Drake: Daily Planet just called and Jay Ingrim thinks you are full of crap. Launchpad gleefully blows off Drake's justification for me and pushes the red button on the pen remote which causes the gamma ray gun to whir and it zaps Drake good with it as Drake oversells the shot just to show off all the lame visual and audio effects before being burned literally to ashes. Drake calls for the broom and turns into a pile of ash complete with eyes bouncing to show how much of a cartoon this show is. That spot would be recycled with Oscar Proud from The Proud Family of all shows. See what I mean by bad habits creeping into other series?!
We cut to Drake sitting in his green chair watching a test pattern on the television which signals the depression has finally started for him. We pan over to Gosalyn and Launchpad exchanging notes on the situation. Launchpad decides that he has found a way to cheer up DW: Invite GIZMODUCK! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just cannot believe even Launchpad would say that he has found a way to cheer Drake up and say it with a straight face. Gizmo Duck arrives and he's got a surprise: The SUPER JETPACK OF STUPIDITY. Drake is not amused and decides to play along because this is the time wasting segment of the episode. Gizmo Duck explains it and it's so simple that a child could use it properly. Drake is actually HAPPY to see it and that of course looked contrived as usual. We cut to outside in the street of THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD as Gizmo Duck and Drake fly around. Fenton is having no trouble with his suit; Drake not so much as he struggles.
Well; Drake's IQ is less than a child at this point since he's REALLY STUPID; so I'm game to see him screwed again. Fenton offers to teach Drake everything he knows and Drake of course blows him off because it will take only five minutes. More flying leads to the entire city being blacked out as Gizmo Duck notices it and it's time for the small crimes to wait. Drake then accuses Sparky of blacking out the city which is apporos because due process and logic died in this series long ago. Fenton blows it off because he put Sparky in jail and uses the spotlight on the city to notice that Sparky is on the roof of a building cutting copper wires. So who is the Sparky in jail?! Or did he escape?! 2:1 odds that we don't find out by the end of the episode. Fenton thinks that Sparky has a twin which I doubt very much and Drake doesn't care because he's going to stop Sparky of course. Drake dives down as Fenton protest this outrage because he's the expert on superpowers and then he MURDERS Drake to push him aside as Fenton gets the lead on Sparky. Drake is not amused after the slightly blown spot by Kennedy and then invokes the lighted match (which would be cut from Toon Disney I should note) and tosses it into the JETPACK OF STUPIDITY.
Drake is REALLY STUPID and he dives down and cuts another full of himself promo before surpassing Fenton and goes to grab Sparky; but he misses by a mile as Kennedy blows the spot completely. I think Drake was supposed to bump into MegaVolt since Sparky said that this was going to hurt (Sparky is holding a glass door in case you are wondering and it doesn't figure into the spot; but he missed by about three feet. Drake flies a bit over the edge and is about to free fall; but Gizmo invokes the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and it wraps around Drake's ankles. Just let Drake die Gizmoduck; it's not worth it anymore. You're the better character for his job. Sadly; Gizmo Duck just does something so stupid like cutting a full of himself while not grabbing on and he is forced over the edge to end the segment almost sixteen and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we see a tall building and both Drake and Fenton are free falling. Check your internal logic guys; the building we saw Sparky cutting wires was shorter than most of the buildings in the city. And we get the clanging heads together spot as they spin and fly right back into the air as this episode is just failing fast. I blame Drake Mallard on all this. Drake almost freefalls and apparently Kennedy loses it's mind as Drake's beak falls off and it looks so poorly animated that it looks like an obvious animation mistake. Am I ranting on Disney or Ruby Spears here?! Thankfully; Fenton grabs Drake to stop any further degradation from Kennedy Cartoons. Fenton blows off Drake's lame attempts to be a super powered superhero; but then he runs out of juice. I didn't think that was possible with Fenton; but he it is and we free fall again. Geez; this is not overbooked in the very least no siree! Drake blows off Fenton as Fenton grabs on to the ledge of a building and then laments about dying before Drake manages to pick on him and show that he was only three feet from the ground. And of course; they don't follow their internal logic because if that was the case then (a) Drake would still have been seen and (b) There is no bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON. This is getting really absurd even for Kennedy Cartoons. Gizmo Duck doesn't even care as he cuts a full of himself promo once again which was really funny as Drake just wants to MURDER him; but then OUT OF NOWHERE the spotlight beckons and a speeding train basically over runs them. OH GOD! They weren't even CLOSE to the train and they STILL got MURDERED?! And the train was animated so badly that Ruby Spears would hang their head in shame.
Forget it...Gizmo Duck tried to save it; Sparky tried to save it; but it's not going to happen here. We then head to Sparky's house (where else?) as we head inside and Sparky kisses about six horseshoes before throwing them into the HORSESHOE PILE OF DOOM and sezs goodbye to them and then he pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and they go into the MOLTEN BOWL OF DEATH. HUH?! How in the world did he fit that thing in there without ANYONE noticing it?! It magically turns into the GIANT HORSESHOE OF DOOM as he sezs hello to it as if it were a human being. Baloo has zippo on Sparky at this point. He then dances like a goof which makes him look more insane than usual (No thanks to Kennedy cartoons I hear) and puts on the snake charmers hat and it's the LIVE WIRE SNAKE CHARMER SPOT OF DOOM just to remind me how much Easy Comes suck. Notice how many times I referencing that episode (and to a lesser extent Double Darkwings)? That indicates how much this episode now officially sucks. The live wire wraps around as Sparky's MIMI JOKE ZONE is to have the world's largest electromagnet. Okay; that's an interesting little device; but what is the point of it? Or are the writers suffering from Cartoon Duck Syndrome to notice.
We cut to outside as Gizmo Duck and Drake are clearly all right which renders the previous scene pointless. Much like this episode has become. Drake proclaims that they are near Sparky's hideout and of course Kennedy Cartoon doesn't know the first thing about CONTINUITY because the area looks like a wild western town. REALLY BAD FORM THERE GUYS! Gizmo Duck asks the obvious question of why Sparky would come back here and Drake gleefully answers that one for me. And of course the rumbling occurs as we cut to the roof of Sparky's hideout and it breaks as the GIANT ELECTROMAGNET rises from the ashes zipping around like it doesn't care. That makes two of us as Drake does the ultra lame three guesses spot which Gizmo gleefully sells because he's the master of being REALLY STUPID. Did Gizmo Duck change voices during this episode; or am I hearing things as Drake bails stage right of course. It's sad that Gizmo Duck is doing an awesome job in this episode because he has been the only entertaining thing in this episode since Dev won't let Sparky do jack crap in this episode.
We cut to the inside where Sparky grabs the giant ass cord leftover from the Incredible Shrinking Molly towards the giant ass plug leftover from the same episode as Sparky reveals that he wants all the metal to attract him and melt down to make a bigger magnet. Okay; that makes sense knowing him pretty well. Sparky is trying; but Dev Ross keeps burying him and Kennedy is aiding her really well here. I betcha Drake does the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM right about now along with the dreaded smoke cloud (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!). I check the DVD and I hate Dev Ross at 18:41:
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing super powered hero, Duck!
That was terrible and super powered is two separate words Disney Captions. I knew I couldn't go more than 12 episodes without Disney Captions being Disney Captions. It's now time to mercy kill this episode because the fun is gone and it's not coming back at all. Sparky thankfully shows some real class and blows off that lame spot much to the disdain of Drake Mallard. Drake goes through the suit and of course he cannot figure it out because hating Gizmo Duck is more important than actually LEARNING SOMETHING! That is why Drake is REALLY STUPID. He pushes some buttons and of course the suit basically says screw it and does the old barber spot on Drake just to make him look really bad. Drake's selling is downright silly of course; but that would be the fourth spot Kennedy has actually hit in this entire episode more than 19 minutes in. Drake gets the blue punk rocker which makes no sense; but it's funny so I'll let it slide. And then Drake invokes the SHOE SPRINGS OF DOOM and flies right into the batteries with a MAN-SIZED bump.
Finally; a really sick bump from Kennedy after about eight episodes or so. That is just peachy. Drake shuffles his feet a bit to reveal Sparky as he blows off his haircut and wants to MURDER him. And thankfully; here comes Gizmo Duck as he threatens to tear him into pieces unless Sparky leaves. Okay; that was an interesting threat. Wow; even Disney DVD discs suffer from skipping. I thought it was only WWE DVD discs that do that. If this wasn't an LG player; I would be pissed right now. Sparky teases a decision and then no-sells and plugs in the GIANT ELECTROMAGNET OF DOOM as we get the power up sequence. The magnet zaps Gizmo Duck as he tries to invoke the POWER OF THE PUNCH and Gizmo Duck flies stage right and sticks to the magnet along with various metal objects right from the city streets. Kind of puts the GIANT RUBBER BALL OF FOWL from Smarter Than A Speeding Bullet in it's proper place doesn't it?! Nice visual of the metal going up in a column which is one of the few badly animated spots that I liked. See; cheap animation can be good too as Sparky cheers on for victory. And of course Drake's metal suit flies up and sticks to the magnet of course. Gizmo Duck laments how they are in trouble and I'm guessing with less than two minutes to go that Drake will undress from his metal suit and defeat Sparky. I check the DVD again and damn I'm good as Drake uses the red button to open the suit and drop down. Drake lands on his feet and decides to go back to basics like burying villains who steal his heat I guess. Drake puts on his gay Zorro hat so you know he's SERIOUS BABEE!!
Sparky gets the menacing look look as Drake taunts him. Sparky invokes the ZAP FINGER OF DOOM and Drake dodges all of the shots. Drake manages to do a goofy gymnastics spot and just annoy me. Who does he think he is Rob Van Dam?! Sparky is running out of juice judging by his selling which is CONTINUITY from Revolution of Home as Drake cuts the educational line of the episode while Sparky falls flat on his face with a decent bump. Drake then taunts him some more while violating ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt not rhyme; because it's COOL!) and Sparky cannot respond as his zapping doesn't work. Thanks a lot Dev for burying the best villain in Darkwing Duck. I hope you are proud of yourselves (mean looks at Dev Ross and DARKWING...DUCK.) as Sparky struggle to get some juice and Drake comes over and taunts Sparky some more and ties him up with wire. Sparky protests this outrage of his demise; but Drake doesn't care as usual. He finds the cord and plugs it into the socket (which is normal now just to break internal logic again) which allows Sparky to be shocked, DUH! The electromagnet comes down and squashes Sparky with a pretty wussy bump and that is that. Drake blows off Sparky to complete the burial. Well; if you're going to bury Sparky; at least do it literally just to pound the point home. Drake slides away as we return to Drake's hideout and inside as a smashed up Gizmo is reading the paper.
And now it seems Drake has gotten the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and is about to MURDER Fenton from behind as Gosalyn enters screaming for mercy. Gizmo Duck counters that Drake is only helping to pound out the dents and they are friends again apparently despite the fact that Drake acted like a real heel most of this episode. Drake cuts another full of himself promo as he whacks Gizmo Duck right in the midsection with the sledgehammer; but Fenton counters with the LOADED GLOVE OF DEATH which sends Drake flying. Yeah; like I'm going to buy that it was unintentional. Drake takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the book shelf and Drake's beak is dented. HAHA! Drake tells them not to answer that and then gets MURDERED with the flying sledgehammer right on top of his pinhead just to make it more painful in a good way. Nice to see Drake take punishment before I punish him for burying Sparky. Drake gets the phallic symbol on his head and drops dead (I hope) to end the episode at 21:13. Nice work guys; you just completely ruined a great attempt at a Ducktales/Darkwing Duck crossover and bury Megavolt in one episode. You should really be proud of yourselves. * ¼ ( 25%)
THE REVIEW LINE
I was actually looking forward to this one with great interest. I mean it has Fenton Crackshell in it making a complete fool/jerk/asshole right out of Darkwing Duck. I mean the main villain was the most over villain of the Fearsome Five Megavolt. It had Dev Ross who wrote a ****+ episode in A Star is Torn. How could they go wrong?! Let me count the ways:
Kennedy Cartoons did this episode and only about five spots hit the entire episode.
About 20 logic breaks give or take were in this episode and many of them I couldn't accept. Nearly 90% of them were from Kennedy's Ruby Spear type of animation.
Megavolt did little in this episode. He had a few great moments; but that was all.
Darkwing Duck completely buried Sparky at the end. This was a combination of Drake Mallard ability to bury plus Dev Ross not giving Megavolt much in the way of excellent work.
Gosalyn Mallard did even less than jack crap here.
If it wasn't for Fenton Crackshell carrying this episode kicking and screaming; we would have had our third negative star episode and it would have made All's Fahrenheit in Love & War look like a decent episode. It was that bad. Kennedy Cartoons has no business being in the cartoon business. They proved today that they can be as cheap if not cheaper than Ruby Spear ever was. I can tolerate the bouncing and side mouthing; but when you are blowing spots so bad that even Sun Woo looks like Walt Disney Feature Animation, it's time for Disney to consider hiring someone else. Overall; this episode was a total mess and as much as I love Fenton Crackshell, the overwhelming level of suck (80% caused by animation and only 20% Cartoon Duck Syndrome) killed any hope for this episode to be any good. Get rid of the mistakes and the logic breaks and even with Cartoon Duck Syndrome and this is *** 1/2+ easily. Otherwise.......
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.