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Dry Hard

Reviewed: 01/27/2008

Rubber terrorism; who knew it would be more EVIL than the real thing?!

Well kiddies; it's back to Disc One for me as I have decided to do that disc in reverse order from the DVD; which brings good fortune because I get to rant on four great episodes out of six; including two straight. At least I hope that is the case. Sure; there is Adopt-A-Con and Up, Up & Awry; but you cannot go wrong with our next rant which is the official solo debut of The Liquidator. One question: Why didn't this guy get more solo episodes than he did? Now; Reggie Bushroot had a great origin episode and both Megavolt and Quackerjack did well in their debut episodes (with origin episodes still pending.); can Liquidator pull his off well? Let's rant on and find out shall we...

The episode is written by Kevin Campbell and Brian Swenlin. The story is edited by Duane Capizzi. This one is done by Kennedy Cartoons which is eight for nine for the hit or miss studios. This is not a good sign right off the bat since Kennedy has been proven to be WORSE than Sun Woo most of the time. I could pray and get the performance of a lifetime like Wang Film's beautiful Jolly Molly Christmas; but I doubt it...

We begin this one as it is HOTTER THAN HELL and we pan down to Drake's house from the dried up tree. Did someone in this cartoon watch this show somehow and thought that gold plating was a GOOD IDEA?! Anyhow; we see Drake Mallard (in his summer clothes DUH!) in the front yard as the radio announcer confirms that we are in for a scorcher. Did Rubicante (From Final Fantasy IV SFC version since this is 1991) go into a video game screen and invade this world?! I think that after Twitching Channels; you would think that this is possible knowing that this show has decided to kill logic and reasoning to no end. Drake is tending to his lawn sprinkler system which would get him arrested if this happened today. And of course; this is the 25th heatwave so in tribute to it we get the lamest pop music this side of Julian Hall. Drake invokes the wrench too hard and the ring pops out of the sprinkler system and bounces like a super ball (passing by a group of worker dogspeople). Chris e-mailed me about calling something a “pinckney flange” (which Open Office doesn't detect by the way); and I think this is what he was referring to. The PINCKNEY FLANGE OF DEATH bounces into the sewer pipe and Drake is screwed as usual as he says oops. And here comes Herb OUT OF NOWHERE (where else would he be?) and asks Drake about his plumbing.

Drake calls it fine as he cuts his first full of himself promo and of course he screws himself and Herb gets to ride the water pillar. As much as I like Herb; that spot ceased being awesome thanks to Kit's version with Moby Dimple. Drake gasps in horror and re-screws the FLANGE OF DOOM which stops the water. Sadly Kennedy's perception is really shot because Herb should have landed about five feet AWAY from Drake. So; where does Herb REALLY land?! He basically squashes Drake flatter than a grape of course and the bump was really wussy. The workers laugh that spot off...I guess Kennedy has a sick sense of humor which is comes to logic breaks. The thinner worker with a red shirt (must be a college grad worker) blows off Drake proclaiming that he needs a ¾ Pinckney Flange. Memo to Thin Worker: This episode needs Walt Disney Animation Japan; not Kennedy Studios. Drake blows them off because he doesn't tell them how to lay down sidewalks. Before the workers can properly blow him off for being REALLY STUPID; here comes Gosalyn walking right through the workers and somehow she doesn't bump into them. Geez; BS&P must be really tightening up the standards in this one as Gosalyn goes to her LEMONADE STAND OF UPSTANDING DOOM (carrying the YELLOW BAG OF SOUR PUSS).

She rips open the potato chip bag and pours out a bag of potato chips into a bowl. She then pours lots of salt and I'm trying to get the point of this and it still doesn't make any sense to me. Fat Worker (wearing blue overalls for those who didn't notice) comes to the stand and Gosalyn offers him free potato chips. Fat Worker loves the offer and grabs a big handful of the potato chips and stuffs them down his mouth. Fat Worker chows down and then it's the old hot pepper fire alarm spot which has been done about five episodes already. Gosalyn then brings out the PLOT DEVICE OF DOOM (A bottle of water in case you don't get the episode theme here) and it's a dollar a cup. She calls it a bargain as I see her greasy heel character has returned. As much as Kit was MONSTER OVER; he would never be monster over as a greasy heel. A sad heel yes; a monster heel maybe; but a greasy heel NEVER! Gosalyn then eggs Fat Worker on to say what a bargain and Fat Worker sells that and gives her the money. Gosalyn pours a cup of water from the bottle and Fat Worker takes it and stuffs it down his throat of course because his throat has acid reflux disease I guess. Gosalyn takes the bottle and sneaks downward because the mineral water is really tap water from a garden hose.

Oh man; that joke is even funnier today considering that it's a rib on companies who use tap water instead of the so called spring water that they claim they get straight from the source. Sadly; the fun must end because here comes Drake Mallard from the house (he probably got away from Herb by going into the house so there isn't a logic break there) and cuts another full of himself promo. If he's trying to be more over than WildCat by wearing that orange visor than he is REALLY STUPID. Drake screws the wheels and of course the plumbing pipes screw Drake Mallard. HAHA! Drake tries to keep them from screwing him; but he's screwed of course so it fails..badly..Drake ends up about ten feet above ground entombed in a plumbing pipe tomb and I expect the sidewalk workers to laugh right on cue when Drake gets sprayed with the WATER OF DOOM. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good as usual. Hey they know Drake as a bump machine equals funny so let them laugh it up. Herb then blows off Drake by REPEATING THE FLANGE SPOT as Drake comes over and blows off Herb in kind before finally storming into his house. Herb won that blowoff in a landslide. We head inside as Launchpad is in the living room watching television. Drake then reveals that he truly is full of himself and REALLY STUPID by asking Launchpad what is a Pinckney Flange. Yeah; ask the one guy who DOESN'T know his flanges from his eye sockets; real smart there Drake Mallard.

Launchpad of course answers by completely ignoring him because Soft Copy (Hard Copy anyone?) is on and Tom Lockjaw is back to annoy me. He head to the television location of the week as Tom Lockjaw (without the trench coat- What? No Causal Day in the news industry?) is at the La Grande Yuppe to reveal that the rich and famous cannot escape the wrath of disgusting water. Hmmm...disgusting water?! You don't think that the water is being... poisoned now do you?! I mean Michael Eisner in his infinite wisdom would NEVER allow something that amounts to ACTUAL TERRORISM?! I mean; Flying Dupes was just some fairy tale made up by Martin Donoff and Gregory Weagle to make us all believe that TaleSpin was not just another dancing animal show. Right?! I mean Kit made up that story about being a bad guy in Plunder and Lightning because Jymn Magon wanted something special? I mean Michael Eisner would NEVER allow such a thing to REALLY happened in canon. Right?! Okay; I got off-track here; let's return to the rant. We pan over to two cool lady dogspeople (check the ULTRA GOOFY GLASSES OF DOOM and breasts of the black/red wearing female there.) as they blow off the water as disgusting as scorched insects.

I think the Venus Flytrap would be deeply offended by this. It's as tasteless as cheap Zinfandel which is a type of grape used in wine making. If this is some alcohol blow off reference; then I'm not buying it as they all go “ewww” on that response. Besides; even if it was cheap; Zinfandel grapes are actually very high in sugar and pretty sweet. I think the joke should be rotting Zinfandel which is a big problem. I wish the writers would do proper research beforehand so it doesn't look like they used the word for the sake of it. Tom apparently thinks the joke sucks and butts in to exchange notes about Bud Flud who owns the Sparkling Crystal Pure Flud Water bottling company. For those who wonder why I call the Liquidator Buddy; it should be pretty obvious now. Tom walks over to the podium (check the microphones) as we see a dogsperson wearing a brown trench coat, blue tie, yellow shirt and has greasy black hair. Yeah; that doesn't spell greasy heel in the very least no siree! We get the snap spot which causes the ear drum piercing sound and Buddy is underway with the press conference. Apparently; he is an expert on water physics. Okay; let's see where this goes. Buddy (Jack Angel in case you didn't know) declares that the problem is with bad tasting molecules creeping up into water molecules of his ahem...competitors. Yeah; he's not a heel in the very siree. Memo to Disney: don't use obvious cues that makes it clear that he's the heel. I'm already seen that with Kitten Kaboodle and I don't want to see it here.

Nice use of charts there Buddy as he sells the bad germs. He then flips the charts and shows a clear molecule which is clearly found in his own water (check the logo in the middle) and everyone pops on cue. I see they are drinking the Buddy Kool-Aid so to speak already. And of course we get the confetti and balloon to completely overkill the moment as Buddy does his ad promo for Bud Flud's Sparkling Crystal Pure Flud Water. Now in real life; Tom Lockjaw would be grilling him for that spot; but of course this is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. We get the DANCING BOTTLE WATER MASCOTS OF DOOM to sing the jiggle as Buddy drinks some water from the bottle in order to sell the idea that his water rocks hard. And as I suspected; Tom Lockjaw doesn't grill him for that shameless advertising. Tom proclaims that someone is befouling bottled water. And you know who's going to be on the case? It's DARKWING....REALLY STUPID...DUCK! I needed to spice it up a little as Drake basically repeats everything I said with his usual full of himself promo. Well; he couldn't help himself; so I'm glad he got it out of his system...

We head to the HELLISH TOWN OF SAINT CANARD STREETS as the Rat Catcher speeds by just to create even more useless heat. Drake of course wants Lawarence (?sp) of Arabia which makes no sense to me whatsoever and of course Launchpad makes more sense than Drake ever did. Drake decides to stop by the Beverage King because they have a huge selection of drinks. I call false advertising on this one because this is a DTVA cartoon and if you have a huge selection of drinks than they must include alcoholic drinks as well. DTVA hates alcohol for those who wonder. And Kennedy's animation is really bad because Drake's foot is bigger than his head if that's humanly possible. We cut to a shot of Drake and Launchpad inside Beverage King's aisle ways as the store owner tells him that everything is sold out; except for the poisonous water which is leaking from the store shelves. The poisonous water oversells on that spot of course because realism is a sham in QUACKERIA I guess. Well; so much for that plan as Drake notices that Bud Flud water is the only thing that is selling. Huh?! Drake is growing a brain?

He thinks Bud is behind the poison water?! NO FREAKIN WAY! Drake is REALLY STUPID! He would NEVER figure it out five and a half minutes in. Could he?! And then he realizes that his favorite drink is Koo Koo Fizzy Water which means it's two suspects. So much for the obvious plan there. Drake deducts that one of the two water bottlers will be next in the bandit's attempt to poison Saint Canard. Now here's why I think the writers are being idiots here: This person who is poisoning water is clearly a terrorist; so why is Drake not calling him/her as such when he was calling Gosalyn a tiny terrorists earlier in the series?! And since Koo Koo Fizzy Water is Drake's favorite; I betcha he goes there to protect it. We head to the Koo Koo Water Factory as we go to the catwalk and see Bud Flud walking with the bottle of poison (check the duck skull & crossbones) and is above the water tanks. He screws off the red cap and he's wearing rubber gloves to try to eliminate the evidence and for safety reasons. Unless that safety is your drinking water; than you are officially screwed. He pours the poison into the water tanks talking like an idiot and then the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 6:00 flat (I win the no prize on that one)...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the parking meter that expires while you shop.

Okay; that was pretty funny as Drake appears in front of Buddy with the smoke cloud entrance (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!). Bud tries to go to the other ladder to escape; but Launchpad blocks it and realizes that it's Bud Flud. Hey that violate ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt NOT rhyme; because it's COOL!) and that should eliminate anyone from saying that I forgot that one. And of course the TOXIC MASCOT OF DOOM appear to sing the jig. Too funny as Bud throws the toxic bottle of poison and it takes a sick MAN-SIZED bump off Launchpad's kisser. OUCH! Did Buddy stick a small ANIVL OF NEIDHARTS into the bottle before coming here?! Drake stalks Buddy as Drake blows Buddy's cover while rolling up his sleeves because no one screws with his favorite fizzy drink...NO ONE! And he manages to slip in the word drunk which would be cut in anime dubs for obvious reasons. Buddy calls it the ultimate form of advertising as I call it the ultimate form of bad terrorism. Well; at least he's doing it to get more customers which sadly fails like PS3's so called fake robbery spot last year. He cuts another ad promo which is downright tasteless and of course funny at the same time.

Drake proclaims that he would drink Buddy's elixir and then blows off Buddy using the POINTY FINGER OF DOOM which magically allows Buddy to back up over the water tank and then he free falls into the poison water. Wow; the power of suggestion is so powerful. No wonder Darkwarrior Duck became such a demigod. Drake finishes his Mr. Taste Test promo as Buddy screams that his being is melting so to speak. Drake and Launchpad comes down with the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DOOM as Buddy drowns in the poison water as Drake blows him off for being a baby. Drake sticks the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DOOM and the broomstick melts. Wow! He must have used REAL POISON in that water tank. I guess Koo Koo was his most hated competitor. Launchpad asks where he went and apparently we got our first official on-screen death in DTVA history (Note from the Future: No it wasn't. This spot was lifted from Double'O'Duck in Ducktales actually). Drake of course proclaims this as great when the heel kills himself like that. Ironic moment: You are allowed to say kill in this cartoon and yet Drake sezs off here. And Drake's a heartless bastard of course; what a surprise. The acid churns a bit; but nothing comes out of it...We return to the HEELISH HOME OF HERB MUDDLEFOOT as Herb is somehow keeping his lawn alive and well as he attends to his hedges near the house.

The radio announcer does his usual spiel as we head to the next song: Darlin', I Lawn For You. And as Herb is clipping the hedges; here comes the dogsperson from Better Than Your Home & Garden Magazine (check the camera around his neck) as he wants a photo of Herb's sprinkler system and Herb is giddy to show him so he screws the wheel and it shows the usual sprinkler heads pop out and then they create the GOLDEN IMPERIAL FOUNTAINS OF SODATURE!! The photographer's words; not mine. We cut over to Drake's house and his lawn is dried out like a bad desert. HAHA! Drake blows him off with his usual full of himself promo as he is wrenching the PINCKNEY FLANGE OF DOOM and then runs over and tries the wheel to upstage Herb; but there is a rumble and nothing else. Oh wait; his house is filling up with water inside. My mistake and too funny as usual. Drake is truly the allegory of being REALLY STUPID!

The house is bulging at the seams as the photographer blows him off because Drake should use a ¾ Pinckney Flange and Drake blows him off with another full of himself promo as he proclaims that he is resourceful, handy and ambidextrous. I betcha the house explodes and Drake is all wet afterwards. I check the DVD and I'm almost right as Drake opens the door and of course he is all wet. Good spot from Gosalyn as she surfs out of the house before she drowns. And since this is 1991/1992; Cowabunga is properly used for a change. If only the TaleSpin writers learned that lesson. Drake then decides to finally give up and go shopping for that flange. HAHA!

We go to the poorly animated driving angle as Drake and Launchpad are driving in the Rat Catcher again looking for plumbing stores of course. Drake of course blows off the plumbing stores because they don't carry a ¾ Pincky flange. We cut to the fire hydrant and it pops out revealing the WATER LEGAL HAND OF GOD and grabs Drake right out of the Rat Catcher. I guess Drake is going to be MURDERED for ever using the word off in the context of actually MURDERING someone. Just to note: It was Drake's fault that Bud died; remember that. Drake is swallowed into the pipes and forced into the sewers as Kennedy's animation is starting to grate on my nerves. We cut to the sewer as Drake is face down onto the cement floor covered with water sort of. Drake gets up and Kennedy's animation of the floor is downright ugly as Drake gets his bearing. We then pan over to the red curtain and it opens to reveal Buddy in a trench coat. Like I'm going to buy that it's someone else. Drake demands answers for this outrage of course And of course the DANCING MASCOTS OF DOOM appear OUT OF NOHWERE and sing a jig; basically revealing himself as Bud Flud right there. And we get the overkill balloons and confetti of course just because it's a special moment.

Buddy cuts his first really good ad promo and the water like voice makes it clear that this is the birth of the Liquidator. Drake is SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order) and steps onto the MASCOTS OF DOOM because they are stealing Drake's heat I guess. The mascots scatter to drop Drake like a bad habit (bad bump there Kennedy) and Buddy officially reveals himself as the Liquidator (not before doing another mascot promo to amuse me) as Drake does the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH to defend himself from the fact that he basically killed Bud with said finger. Drake's attempts to wipe his hands clean of responsibility are so bad that CSI would have charged him within the first ten minutes of that show. Drake shows the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DOOM; but it changes nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Buddy continues his promo cutting and finally kills his trench coat appearance to reveal himself complete with badly drawn charts (Bad form there Kennedy) as the mascot sing their jig to end it. This is really good; but Kennedy prevents it from being perfect. Drake blows him off and attempts the POWER OF THE PUNCH; but it is useless to try and Buddy no sells the shot of course.

Buddy invokes the WATERY LEGAL HAND OF GOD and whacks Drake right into the wall with a pretty good bump. Nice selling from Drake and good animation from Kennedy for a change. Buddy grabs him and basically MURDERS him while cutting his ad promo which is just too funny not to mention. Buddy invokes his version of the POWER OF THE PUNCH on the pipe to basically drown Drake in water. It should be noted that Buddy is a water physics expert which was noted earlier on; so that expertise is build as part of his powers which explains why Drake isn't drowning in water right now. The water turns red as Drake blows it all off and sticks his beak into it. Yeap; Drake is REALLY STUPID; what a shock?! Drake pulls it back quickly and his beak is fried. HAHA! Buddy calls it boiling hot as the MASCOTS OF DOOM dressed up as lobster dance and sing to amuse me even further. Logic Break #2 for the episode beckons as Drake is not in water; but blowing bubbles as if he was in water. And shouldn't he be drowning in it if it was water?! Drake proclaims that his goose is cooked as the segment ends nearly 11 minutes in.

After the commercial break; we cut to the BOILING RED WATER OF DOOM (I see Buddy can change water color at will too) flowing into the cold water below as Buddy continues his torment of DARKWING..DUCK with boiling water. Launchpad then enters through the door and somehow he doesn't become hot as a result of the boiling water. Bad form there guys as that's logic break #3 for the episode. The water finally stops as the MASCOT LOBSTERS OF DOOM dance and sing for Drake just to annoy me now. I hate tributes to Drake; what can I say?! Launchpad screams because they are lobster woman; just to insult all the great lobster women everywhere. Have you no shame Launchpad McQuack?! Drake blows it off because he defeated the bad guy despite not even being near him. Logic Break #4 for the episode. Launchpad cannot believe it either and I agree with him; but Buddy rises from the water grave and turns into a water snake. Buddy tries to escape; but Drake catches him by the tail. Out goes why or you!! Buddy The Snake Liquidator bounces some more as Drake hangs on telling Launchpad that he is not dealing with just plain tap water as they say. Snake Water Ski spot beckons which pretty much came out of nowhere and pretty much goes the same place as it's just a set up for Drake to take the bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON right into the iron reinforced door.

Buddy escapes under the door of course and Drake is screwed again. Launchpad opens the door and some decent animation from Kennedy for a change. Did Kennedy ever do Tiny Toons because the loose style of animation seems to be infecting this show as well (check the feet of Drake and Buster/Babs if you know what I mean)?! Drake finally gets his beak loose after some effort and it's now a rubber pipe in a true showing of foreshadowing to go on next. Buddy in in the pipes and crawling up laughing and struggling of course. Drake points to the pipe and tells LP to follow that pipe which brings the PIPE MASCOTS OF DOOM to dance and sing right in Drake's face. Normally; I would say that this is overkill but at least the overkill is pretty funny here so I'll let it slide. Drake pushes and blows off that spot of course because the mascots are leeching off Drake's heat...or something like that. Drake brings out the gas gun and shoots the bomb which makes the floor explode. Somehow; the pipe stays intact as we cut to Drake climbing up the pipe and he has made it to the Saint Canard Water Works as Drake panics at the sight of all those pipes. So you think that he would be scared stiff?!

Well; you would be wrong because Drake unleashes his cape filled with tools and cuts a full of himself promo just to bug me. He invokes the wrench and screws the pinckney flange in order to stop Liquidator in his tracks. Buddy reverses step and tries to find a way out through a drain tap; but Drake screws that one shut. Buddy reverses step as Drake continues to beat him to the punch by screwing the pinckney flanges some more and then cutting another full of himself promo. Oh great; he really is trying to bury Buddy before he gets over on his origin episode. I guess Buddy got too much offense into Drake. And of course Launchpad points that Drake literally screwed up the water works as the pipes are completely mangled and disjointed. Drake blows it off because there is not one leak left in the joint just as we see that very leaky pinckney flange to his right. Drake is REALLY STUPID; what a shock?! And finally Buddy is free to MURDER Drake for trying to bury him. And he doesn't disappoint as he invokes the WATER SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT to squash Drake's head flatter than PS3's sales in December. Drake is dizzy as the water starts flowing on him. Kennedy's stars suck worse than Wang Films on a bad day I should note.

Drake complains because beating Buddy is hard which allows Buddy to emerge in his usual form and cut another ad promo for hard water. Nice to see all the water puns that were funny make it in one phrase. Buddy touches it and it turns hard as orange ice. What is with the color mixers in this episode?! We cut to Gosalyn pouring more tap water from the garden hose (and wearing a track & field outfit that makes her look like a gas station attendant.) and the water turns into orange ice the moment it goes into the bottle. Okay; it's actually rubber...Which makes no sense since rubber is usually white in color. We cut to Herb washing the dishes (man; he is handy around the house after all. Or is Binky dead and we don't know it. You the viewer decide!) and once he puts the dish into the sink he has trouble pulling it out. It ends up like a Jello Dish Cube. HAHA! Herb calls out to Binkie that we have a problem here. We cut to outside where Tank Muddlefoot is on the diving board above the Muddlefoot's personal swimming pool (Lucky bastards!) and Tank tries to jump in with the cannon ball; but the water turns to orange rubber and Tank bounces off the water and into the ground off-screen with a splat bump that makes no sense.

We head back to the water works where Drake uses his trusty finger for third time in the episode no less to test the rubber and he calls it hard water. I heart rubber terrorism since it is so EVIL! Buddy agrees with him as he cuts another ad promo while creating a rubber hard orange water ball and rolls it like a bowling ball. Drake and Launchpad panic and they get bounced out of the water works the hard way and take a nasty bump into the lake beside the water works. The ball bounces away into nowhere as Launchpad notices that the river isn't hard at all. Drake takes a trusty glass tumbler and takes a sample of the water. He then blows off Buddy with the funniest playground level blow off. I have ever heard from him. Drake drinks the water as Buddy jumps into the water and blows off Drake as he invokes the RUBBER TOUCH OF DOOM and of course the entire lake/ocean turns into rubber stopping a boat and a fish who just happens to talk. I guess he's one of Neputina's friends after all.

Drake and Launchpad are stuck in the bay by the ankles of course as I am not fooled by this hard water nonsense because it's clearly rubber. Buddy rubs it in their face some more with another ad promo for his Sparkling Crystal Prue Flud water of course as he admits that this is really rubber. So why did they call it hard water for the last three minutes of this episode? Is rubber on some forbidden words list; and I didn't notice it?! And he's selling those bottles for $5,000 a bottle. Considering that he has destroyed the entire supply of fresh water; that price actually makes sense. And he drinks the profits of course to regain his strength and egg on Drake some more.

Post-Production Glitch #1: Full second black slug because it wouldn't be a DTVA cartoon without one see.

We cut to near the bridge as Launchpad and Drake have apparently got themselves in deeper rubber crap since the last time we saw them. Logic Break #5 for the episode as they are stuck as usual. Drake does the old dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM just to annoy me (and Launchpad judging by who he is referring too) . Of course Drake came prepared for this because he cuts a full of himself promo and brings out the 200 HP chainsaw and tries to cut through the rubber; but the rubber cannot be cut which means the silly whirlwind spot beckons allowing Drake to look like a screw (how apporos?!) and then reverse the whirlwind spot to unscrew. Just what this episode needs: More windbags! Nice bump from Drake on his beak as the chainsaw saws away in the background in a pretty cute spot. Drake fares it well and then we cut to Thin Worker (from earlier in the episode) cutting Drake and Launchpad free with the chainsaw which rendered the previous spot pointless. Other than to waste more time of course.

Thin Worker counts his money as Drake and Launchpad bounce like a blob of badly set Jello towards some destination. Which ends up being a 95 story building. Okay; this wasting time thing is getting really overplayed now. They bounce up the stairs (in shadow form no less- Bad form there Kennedy) as Drake and Launchpad make it to the edge. Drake then proclaims that they need to jump in order to destroy the rubber. Okay; I'm now declaring Drake as officially nuts...and even more so since they jump off the building. I think you know by now that I believe this trivializes Kit's famous free fall off of an airship; so I won't mention it again. The free fall spot is well done for some odd reason as Drake and LP take the BIG BUMP OF DOOM onto the sidewalk; and the rubber doesn't break...Sadly; everything else around it did. We then cut to the sidewalk as Drake and Launchpad are walking down the street. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE?!

They should still be bouncing around in that rubber since it didn't shatter at all. Logic Break #6 for the episode and the first one I don't accept. Drake proclaims that they are going to The Liquidator's bottling company to put the heat on Buddy; and he's got a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN on how to beat this heat. Cape scene changer leads to Buddy's Water Bottling Factory as Buddy is inside the bathroom (I think) relaxing in a completely heterosexual bath tub. He chuckles because his mineral water is selling like hotcakes; which is apporos since in this heat; all cakes are hot. Sadly; the smoke cloud (AND THAT BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) spits out from the closed door (which is the setup for Drake to open the door of course) and the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 16:26....

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the soap scum that lines your bathtub.

Now that one makes even more sense. Stupidity Question: If you admit that you are a terror; does that make you a terrorist?! Point to ponder there as Drake appears wearing the lamest swim wear combination known to mankind. And of course Buddy laughs it off and so am I. Drake looks like a complete tool in that outfit. Drake blows him off accusing him of being a fashion expert. Buddy apologizes because it reminds him of Morty who happens to be his cousin. I do not like where this going for some odd reason. He even shows a picture of him and he looks more ugly than N.Y. Giants head coach Tom Coughlin during the NFC Championship Game. Yeah; I went for the cheap shot; but I'm not the one who thought playing football in subzero temperatures was a good idea.

Drake then blows him off and reveal the GIANT SPONGE OF DEATH. I hear it became a huge star and was bleached yellow for the upcoming Spongebob SquarePants 2 Movie: REVENGE OF THE GIANT UNDEAD SPONGE! HA! I KILL ME! Buddy panics of course and that reveals his weakness right there. Could be worse I guess as he bails by literally going down the drain which is apporos knowing him. Drake calls out for Launchpad and Launchpad is in the pipes as he seals off one of the pipes after Buddy goes through which makes no sense until we see Drake causally walk down and invokes the VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 17:16 (ANOTHER ONE?!):

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in your pipes. I am the hairball that clogs your drain. I am the original Mr. Fix-It!

So that was his original job before Drake become officially drunk with power now that he has taken over this episode. And I don't like it one damn bit. No wonder Drake has no life. Nice pointless shift in the scene there Kennedy as Buddy crawls right into the water heater and Launchpad gets the raise the heat on him. Drake is REALLY STUPID because if Buddy's a water blob than this plan is going to fail in his face. And of course it does as the water heater bursts like a balloon and the steam escapes allowing Buddy to reform into a dog water blob. Drake has no one but himself to blame for that plan. That was just too easy to mock.

Sadly; Kennedy creates Logic Break #7 as the water heater is now built up good as new. Launchpad uses a empty coffee on burner metaphor to tell Drake that the thing is going to blow up more or less. Drake panics and goes to the spinner; but it is stuck as the water heater blows up right on cue and that Launchpad and Drake look like two Warner Brother cartoons after dynamite blew up in their faces. Worst MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN EVER!! Drake blows himself up to become good as new (Logic Break #8 by the way) and admits that he is a lousy plumber so sue him. There are a lot of victims of Cartoon Duck Syndrome who would LOVE to do that to you Drake full of yourself Mallard. Buddy cuts another ad promo to amuse me and then bails into the freezer. Smooth move there Buddy as he realizes that he is had. Drake and LP press themselves against the door to keep him from getting out and Drake proclaims that he'll never get out of there. And then the rumbling from the bulk water bottles on the shelves beckons which means that he will get out of there in style. And he does as the bottles shatter creating tiny Liquidators. Huh?! He's still selling bulk water in glass bottles? That's whack!

And Dragon Ball Z really did steal from this show to create the Cell Jr's. Anime purists feel so betrayed now. Launchpad calls this creative and I love that real comment BRUTHA! We play PUNCH THE LIQUID BLOB OF DOOM for a while to waste more time complete with the dramatic MUSIC OF DOOM. The Water Jr's stand their ground and no sell as they group together and open the freezer door to allow Buddy to warm up a little (he's frozen solid in case you didn't notice). Buddy regains his movement and slowly walks towards the fighting GANG OF GAG as he cuts another ad promo. Drake runs to him and blows him off course because he is the master of burying villains he doesn't like (Read: The villains he does like are the ones that suck by the way and those are the ones he puts over.). Buddy proclaims that he will thaw and Drake will be Aqua. Drake blows that lame spot off and then invokes the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT to crush Buddy into crushed ice. Okay; that makes sense since Buddy did the same thing to Drake earlier in this episode. The Water Blob Jr's finally cease fighting and they turn into water as Launchpad is saved sort of. Drake then threatens to make snow cones out of Buddy's hide unless Buddy makes the water wet again and then ALL HELL STARTS BREAKING LOOSE!

A major pipe bursts it's seams and water starts pouring out quickly as Buddy reforms himself and blows Drake off. I am so loving this guy now. Nothing can kill him and somehow he didn't get enough episodes while they focused on NegaDuck?! The pipes start bursting so Drake and Launchpad go to the manhole cover and open it to bail into the sewers. Which of course leads to the Scooby Doo Chase Sequence. At least the main heel is chasing them this time to it doesn't entirely suck. Buddy cuts his science ad promo as Drake and Launchpad run deeper into trouble. Drake then stops and finds the Pnickney Flange from the beginning of the episode. Damn it; I knew that would be involved in the finish in some way. Launchpad realizes that it was a Pnickney Flange and that Drake isn't a bad plumber after all. He's merely lame. We cut to the LEMONADE STAND OF SOUR PUSS as Gosalyn is now acting like a sour puss because there is no water flow. Drake and LP emerge from the manhole cover of course and try to cover it up. But it only buys about five seconds as the water pillar arises from the sewers. Gosalyn love this and gets the first Keen Gear of the episode. Gosalyn heads to the water pillar and fills a glass of water as Drake and Launchpad land right onto the lemonade stand and completely destroy it of course.

Gosalyn turns around and notices Drake struggling towards Gosalyn wanting a cold glass of water. I betcha Gosalyn no sells here until she gets the money. I check the DVD and I am right as Buddy arises from the glass of water and praises her for her marketing efforts. Now you know The Liquidator rules my world. Sadly; he must lose in the next 90 seconds of course. Buddy grows to full size and then unleashes his water blob army to drown the citizens of Saint Canard with sorrow. Drake then notices the MANURE BAGS OF DEATH and you know the finish is coming because Drake cuts his dangerous promo. Gosalyn fights off the Water Blob Army; but no dice as they grab her and Buddy proclaims that she'll be useful as another servant which Gosalyn promptly blows off. Drake gets up from behind Buddy with the sacks of poop and I'm wrong again because the bags really contain cement. Buddy is dead, done, toe tagged now as that is his biggest weakness of course. Or maybe not as Buddy is still going strong as he is walking towards Drake. However; the cement is quick drying and Buddy is stopped right in his track despite a wonderful effort on his part. Great ad promo cutting near the end as Drake walks rings around him and blows him off as the Water Blob Army finally lets Gosalyn go and dies right on cue of course.

Gosalyn blows them off and stomps the water puddle with the EAT SNEAKER OF DEATH! I love that spot as the rubber all around has finally changed back into water because Buddy lost control of his power due to the cement. We get shots of the tugboat and the fish finally being free to swim around. Best shot goes to the Muddlefoot's living room as Binkie and Herb admire the ORANGE JELLO DISH CUBE OF DOOM; but it turns to water and the dishes shatter right on cue of course. They are SOOOOOOO dense. We cut back to the front of Drake's house as Drake is in regular clothes now (since being a tool wasn't shameful enough) as the photographer from earlier in the episode wants to take photos of the sprinkler system. Drake agrees to and invokes the lever (WRONG LEVER!) to open up the channels. Gosalyn calls this a model sprinkler system and Drake of course cuts a full of himself promo because he couldn't have done it without the Pnickney Flange or the Cement Buddy as we cut to a shot of Buddy in cement doing the fountain spot. Ooooo..that heartless little bastard Drake Mallard; he shall pay for burying The Liquidator...literally. The photographer takes his shots to end the episode at 21:10. I hope The Liquidator gets his revenge somehow because he should. Great debut for him despite the logic break; almost all of them due to Kennedy Animation's bad animating. **** ¼ ( 85%)


Well; the debut of the Liquidator was a successful one as expected. I loved almost all of his ad promos and quite frankly; he managed to prevent himself from being buried by Drake by basically staying alive and annoying him. Sadly; cement is his major weakness and unless they find a way to make Liquidator be a better dodger than he going to look like a one episode dynasty. I really liked this episode as the rubber terrorism angle was done pretty well and was funny for the most part. Sadly; this episode was marred by animation screw ups from Kennedy and a few logic breaks. I did like the Pinckney Flange joke by the way and Drake's bad attempt to sound important in the plumbing business was priceless. Gosalyn was Gosalyn when she was a greasy heel; but I think her encounter with Bud might make her think twice about being one now that Bud is around to play that role as greasy watery heel. Sadly; Buddy didn't get much traction as a villain after this one and was reduced to being a Fearsome Five villain to Negaduck who I didn't like being together. Next up is another good one: Life, The Negaverse and Everything. That one should be fun for obvious reasons.

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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