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Darkwing Doubloon

Reviewed: 12/23/2007

Just As Justice Ducks as sailors. WHAT THE HELL....?!

Well kiddies; I have finally given in to my principles of never having to deal with Drake Mallard ever again; and have decided to DEAL with Drake Mallard once again just for this Christmas season. Hey; I'm in a giving mood; what did you expect?! So; I'll be ranting on two episodes and that's all for 2007. This one and the Christmas Episode It's A Wonderful Leaf. Now Darkwing Doubloon has got to be one of those episodes where it was clear that the writers were getting the hint that having Darkwing Duck try to be cool in his own world was not getting him over at this point; so they decided to really load up on something (drugs, alcohol, food, wrestling, video games, whatever) and this episode was born. I read the summary and it is so unbelievable and crazy that it might just get Drake Mallard over. Or blow up in their faces. I mean this is REALLY pushing it now. As the caption reads on top; it sums the episode up really well. However; I'm game for something really wacky since Drake Full Of Himself Mallard has failed badly in giving me proper entertainment over the last thirty episodes. So let's rant on and see if this will finally get him over the hump; or prove that DARKWING..DUCK is truly more overrated than Tiny Toons is....

The episode is written by Bruce Reid Schaeffer (three times in this series?) and the story is edited by Tom Minton....This one is animated by Kennedy Studios which is as grating on the nerves as Sun Woo was in TaleSpin.

And we begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark)) as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons. Wait a second?! There's no title card to start this one. Drake claims that they are going to do something completely different...and we cut to morning on the high seas as a ship straight out of Columbus sails the ocean blue as the official title card appears and Drake declares this story to be about DARKWING...DOUBLOON! Which is apporos because Drake is a loon. Glad to see someone was paying attention. Funny how Drake claims that this is going to be completely different and we get basically a COMEDY BABY version of a Teddy Ruxpin episode. Anyhow; we head to the back of the ship as the king and queen of the ship are sitting down on their thrones addressing Seaman Drake. And since the writers are on something tonight; the King is Herb Muddlefoot while the queen is Binky with long white hair. Herb's got the smallest golden wand in the history of kingdom's past while Binky is drinking tea from a golden cup. You know what; the writers should continue using that substance because anything to knock Drake down a peg or two is A-OK with a cherry on top with me.

Tank is still himself as he has basically beat up Honker and is sitting on him complete with the club. I see the Disney censors are celebrating Christmas and don't care today. Binky wants more tea and wants Drake to get it as we cut to Drake (in peasant clothes) at the WHEEL OF MORALITY accepting the command. He walks up and creates a black shadow on the white sails and Herb proclaims that it's the DARKWING...DOUBLOON while showing the acting of fear which was as subtle as a crutch (God bless Final Fantasy IV Advance Parom for giving me a good joke for me to use in these situations.). See; Doubloon is a heel in his eyes. Thankfully; the shadow reveals himself as Seaman Drake and all is right in the world. As Drake pours the tea he manages to cut his full of himself promo while giggling. He must think that giggling while doing that will make it fresh because that shows that he is REALLY STUPID. And when in doubt; go back to the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM as we cut to the BLACK SAILS SHIP OF DEATH (how original?!) and to the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY as Sparky nearly gets SHOCKED when some water nearly touches him.

He yells at Buddy who is cleaning the deck as Buddy blows off Sparky. Now there's a good mismatched pair if I ever saw one. Quacky then proclaims everything to quiet down because Neggy is coming back after getting MURDERED in Just Us Justice Ducks I (because this episode is basically Just Us Justice Ducks Zero) as Reggie blows him off because he's pretending to shake like a leaf. That was a good spot and since it leeches off NegaDuck; NegaDuck comes in to threaten Bushroot for stealing his heat naturally. For goodness sakes Negaduck; let the Fearsome Four get over as a threat. Reggie kneels and begs for mercy like the coward that he is. Quacky is in the eagle's nest as he declares that there's a ship off port. And IT'S PLAYTIME as Quackerjack is either the only guy in this episode wearing his normal clothes; or Kennedy Cartoons really screwed up here. Negaduck invokes the TELESCOPE OF DOOM and of course; it's the king's ship complete with white sails. It's time for plundering (so says Don Karnage. And Negaduck wishes he were Don Karnage right now.) as the boats are now side by side.

Well; Herb is very dense so there is no logic break here. NegaDuck is on the main sail arm with the rope and swings down onto the black ship. His feet look really wooden in that sequence for some strange reason. At least the spot was on as we cut to Herb who is sleeping in his throne as he's now sleeping in Binky's chair (HUH?! What was wrong with his throne chair?) and Binky's nowhere to be seen. OH NO! Herb just ate Binky! I knew that weight was making him crave for duck flesh. It's....never mind; Herb just woke up as he takes a REGAL CUTLASS right in the mouth by NegaDuck. OUCH! That's going to leave a mark. NegaDuck proclaims that he has bored...ERRR...boarded onto his ship and will be plundering it more or less. Herb isn't so scared because it's not the DARKWING..DOUBLOON and Negaduck gets really ticked off on that spot. HA HA!

NegaDuck blows off Doubloon because everyone talks about Doubloon rather than him. Geez; an ego trip from Neggy; what a shock?! Neggy then grabs onto Herb and threaten Doubloon with fighting words as Herb cries out for Seaman Drake to do something. We cut to Seaman Drake guarding the exits as Sparky is trying to get away with some of the King's gold. What was Drake doing while Sparky got ON BOARD the ship in the FIRST PLACE?! Logic Break #1 for the episode as Drake does the clear throat spot to annoy me and demands that Sparky give him the sack of riches. Sparky goes for his REGAL CUTLASS and there's no sword blade attached to it. Drake blows him off and his laugh is so bad that it is funny in a perverted sort of way. I think we know what happens next as Sparky blows Drake off and pushes the tiny blue button on the Regal Cutlass and it's FRYING DUCK TIME BABEE! Drake giggles like a nervous wreck and grabs the sack of riches and puts it on the heel's ship. UH OH! I think we know where this is going....

Spongebob Narrator: Thirty minutes later...

We cut to the faraway shot of the babyface ship before we go into the ship's quarters as Herb is pacing around with his family (I see Tank has decided to stay away from Honker this time around). He wonders about his jewels and Drake yells out from outside to declare that the ship is sinking and we see water coming down to force that point along with Drake's face which pretty much gives away the fact that the ship is NOT sinking. The Muddlefoot run out like scalded dogs and get onto the inflatable life raft. Now that is taking creative license to it's extremes isn't it?! Drake proclaims that he'll go down with the ship as his acting is even worse than a crutch. He should have taken the job as Baigan. The Muddlefoots dog paddle the raft away and that eliminates them from the picture as we cut back to the WHEEL OF QUESTIONABLE MORALITY as Seaman Drake has changed clothes into basically a pirate version of DARKWING....DUCK. 2:1 odds that the writer of this episode is on an illegal substance; but I'm going to petition to have that substance made legal by the end of this rant.

Doubloon does his dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM (What a shock?!) and for some odd reason it's actually annoying but in a funny way. We cut to Launchpad (in stereotypical pirate gear) because it's in his contract to be in this one clashing swords with a duck with a blue pirate hat and yellow clothes...Oh wait; it's Fenton Crackshell and he's growling about what wrong they'll be righting today. How about replacing Drake as the main character? That would be one wrong made right today since Fenton is funnier and REALLY STUPIDTER than Drake Mallard EVER was. They are in a cave with Steggy and Gosalyn watching on the crates. Ahh; wooden boxes, the bane of all first person games everywhere. Launchpad talks a bit and then the thundering VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons almost four minutes in and he doesn't even bother to cut a full of himself promo as he is on top of a cliff near the entrance of the cave.

Steggy of course is so dense that he has two black patches on his eyes and therefore cannot see. Gosalyn helpfully corrects that problem as Drake jumps down like a goof off the cliff (and off two smaller cliffs) as he has good news. See; NegaDuck stole the king's jewels (despite the fact that Drake aided them after he got scared of being fried by Sparky's thunder blade cutlass.) and he's an alleged pirate. If it looks like a pirate, talks like a pirate and steals like a pirate then Neggy is a pirate. Just like you are of course; but whatever. Drake tells them to wait for him on the King's vessel and prepare for a fight with Neggy as Drake invokes the bag of smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) to invoke the scene changer.......And we cut to the HELL SHIP OF HEELS as the Fearsome Over Four are standing on deck as Neggy counts the gold coins. One for them each; 36 for him of course. And of course that is considered an injustice (because Neggy is leeching off his heat) so the perverted funny VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 4:27:

Doubloon: I am the terror that sails the seas. I am the flea on your parrot...

Oh for crying out loud Doubloon! It's dog that gets fleas; not parrot. Geez; the funniest promo in the land and the writers had to screw it up by trying to make it funnier than it really needed to be. Drake of course appears onto the sail arm of his ship as it manages to butt heads with the heel ship and he uses the rope to dive down and land on the heel ship without any further incident. Doubloon is making Drake Mallard look like a wuss right now. Neggy blows him off as we get the stare down as Drake cuts his usual full of himself promo with the thumb pointing up. Now if Neggy can put that thumb up Drake's can than we are all set. Neggy calls him a spud-muttering jackanape. Wow; calling him Mini Satana from Final Fantasy V Advance; that was pretty drole. Doubloon blows him off calling him a lame name. Neggy calls himself a real pirate because he wants action rather than talk. Which is ironic considering that he's talking a lot more than doing action in this story thus far.

Neggy takes out his REGAL CUTLASS and jumps up and somehow gets his cape over his eyes for no real reason or buildup. At least the Cartoon Duck Syndrome hasn't affected this episode very much. Drake swings the plank around as Neggy pulls his cape up (EWWWW!) and he's in trouble as Drake has him surrounded with water all around. Drake then states that he is beaten and then does the old Bugs Bunny spot of faking his dive off the plank. Well; that makes sense since half of the Disney Television Animation team used to work for Warner Brothers and Hanna Barbera. Heck; they took the spots and sound effects with them to infect DTVA. Now at this point; it's obvious to anyone over five years ago that this is a trap. So what does Neggy do? He blows Drake off; turns around and walks off the plank and splashes into the water. That takes being REALLY STUPID to another new low. Drake blows him off and demands that he surrender and load the king's jewels onto his ship personally. One problem Drake: You took the babyface ship with you for this voyage.

I'm calling Logic Break #2 for the episode right there as NegaDuck gets back onto the ship with a front flip and lands without incident. Aw; he does have a wooden leg and Kennedy is having trouble animating it properly (two wooden legs, wooden leg on the wrong leg etc.). Doubloon jumps down and grabs a gold coin and blows him off. Huh?! Explain THAT one kids?! NegaDuck grabs the coin and blows him off while pulling the hat down onto Drake's eyes. So much for the censors as Neggy has to fight like Kit Cloudkicker dropping the hat over Molly's eyes in order to stop her from tickling him into submission. Neggy goes to the top of hat to grab something (WHAT?!) and it invokes the smoke cloud (AND THAT IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) which allows Doubloon to disappear. Um; where was the Fearsome Four on that spot?! Oh please; don't give the entire episode to NegaDuck, I beg of you. NegaDuck declares victory as he shows the gold coin for everyone to see and then...

Post-Production Glitch #1: Worst black slug I ever saw....Why are they doing this?!

We cut to the babyface ship as it is sailing the ocean blue as Doubloon basically tells the truth about his encounter with NegaDuck on the WHEEL OF QUESTIONABLE MORALITY to his crew (Fenton, Gosalyn, Launchpad and Steggmutt.) making sure to omit the fact that he didn't get the jewels back. Thankfully; Gosalyn is right there to blow him off. Drake of course has an answer for that (and everything judging by his full of himself promos) and that is because he wants to give NegaDuck a false sense of advantage. OOOOOOKKKKAYYYY Drake. So; now we cut to the ocean as the heel ship is sailing towards the babyface ship which is going in the opposite direction and they brush against each other side by side. Neggy blows off Drake and shows him the coin (even through he is showing nothing at all in his hand. Bad form there Kennedy.) and the GANG OF GAG scatter. We get the dueling Tarzan rope sequence which was animated well; but REALLY STUPID because it assured that the babyfaces would get the jewels. And Drake cuts is usual full of himself promo.

For once in your life Drake; stop cutting promos and use the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY to high tail out of there! NegaDuck of course hates that; but the stupidity of Drake allows the Fearsome Four Plus REALLY STUPID captain to swing back onto the ship. And Kennedy makes Bushroot look like an evil girl when he lands. We get the Fearsome Five stare down of death and of course Drake turns like the coward that he is. Drake hides into NegaDuck's quarters (and Gosalyn and Gizmo Duck are in there already. Logic Break #3 for the episode) as Gosalyn tells Drake to hide the jewels and Drake agrees with her. About damn time too as he hides Herb's tiny little crown inside the gay hat that Drake was wearing. Gizmo Duck doesn't like this plan because the hero announces his plan before he does it. Dusty Rhodes is hardly a role model for good babyfaces; so I think Gizmo Duck has been sniffing too much cannon ball powder (In reference to using a cannon on his left arm and a mace on his right). Gosalyn gleefully ignores him as she pushes Gizmo Duck out of NegaDuck's quarters and through the door (it was unlocked by the way) and basically squashes Sparky with a really good bump into the main sailing post.

And then Gizmo Duck proceeds to MURDER Sparky with the mace. Great selling on the spot from Sparky though as this episode is getting really silly. Good; but silly. Launchpad gets Buddy and the REGAL CUTLASS goes right through Buddy and Buddy no sells of course. Memo to Launchpad: Use acid. It always works to give water lots of pain and suffering. Buddy turns into a puddle and Launchpad slips and slides like the goof that he is. Well; that was different and at least it didn't make Launchpad look stupid. Launchpad slides into Nega Duck's quarters and Gosalyn tells him to hide some jewels as Launchpad grabs some coins (which was badly screwed up by Kennedy) and hides them in his shirt which Kennedy animates really badly. We cut outside as Quackerjack and Bushroot run from right to left and Launchpad opens the door afterwards and escapes. Steggmutt runs into the quarters and locks the door behind him. Bascially; they REPEAT THE SPOT and Steggmutt leaves; invoking the TAIL SWIPE OF PAIN to Gosalyn (very good bump taken from Gos on that one) and Gosalyn takes a decent bump into the CHEST OF DEMONS and the CHEST OF DEMONS locks shut. Gosalyn complains on that spot and now knows how Kit and Wildcat feel. At least Baloo wasn't the one who buried those two. Steggmutt runs out and gets caught by the spiderweb net (HUH?!) as we cut back to Launchpad still being REALLY STUPID with the Regal Cutlass on Buddy and then does a nasty lunge and falls overboard into the ocean drink (with Launchpad helpfully screaming pirate overboard.).

Sparky yells for help as he's still getting MURDERED by the mace. Buddy sneaks in as Sparky is knocked silly and Buddy creates a puddle of water. Sparky then stops selling (YAY! I mean D'OH!) and uses the FRY SWORD OF DOOM on the puddle to shock Gizmo Duck into a steaming pile of metal parts. That hilt must be shock proof; otherwise it's Logic Break #4 for the episode. Gizmo moans that it is not over yet; but Buddy and Sparky pick him up and heave him over the ship into the drink. We then cut to NegaDuck forcing Drake to walk the plank. I'm sure that Rebecca whispered into NegaDuck to do THAT spot. I hear that they are best friends after Eisner canceled TaleSpin. NegaDuck is still calling him a buffoon. For goodness sakes NegaDuck; we get it already. Call him a different bad name if you want to be out of the suck so to speak. And then the animators do something REALLY STUPID as Drake calls himself a buffoon and cuts a full of himself promo including spelling his name as he stops on the plank. We cut to NegaDuck sneering and then again to Drake as there is no plank underneath his feet. Oh; for God's sake: Drake stopped when the plank was still underneath his feet for crying out loud. Even Sun Woo doesn't make that mistake. Logic Break #5 for the episode and the first one I don't accept. Warner Brothers running on air spot, drops into the drink, see ya; wouldn't want to be ya Drake Doofus. NegaDuck then cuts his full of himself promo on Drake. Oh snap!

The Fearsome Four doesn't care for obvious reasons as the heel ship sails away victorious. We cut to the babyface ship as Drake squeezes all the funny water out of his gay hat and laughs calling him a Willy Wonker. HUH?! That makes no sense whatsoever since NegaDuck only cut Drake's promo. See; Drake tricked NegaDuck again because they were trying to steal the jewels from NegaDuck and didn't care about winning the match. Gizmo Duck shoots out gold to prove that the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN worked. Well; not quite since Gosalyn is still locked in the CHEST OF DEMONS. And speaking of the demons........We cut back to the heel ship as NegaDuck is behind the door to his personal quarters as he decides to enter and hide the jewels before Drake comes back. Well; I think we can assure that the character designers made NegaDuck to come out as REALLY STUPID as Drake is so this makes sense actually. NegaDuck walks in and the place is ransacked of course with no gold to be seen.

Wow; one of Drake's MIMI JOKE ZONE PLANS worked after all; and it's at nine minutes; a new record. NegaDuck checks the CHESTS OF DEMONS thinking that the gold is still there and of course it's lighter than usual as NegaDuck throws the CHEST OF DEMONS into the ceiling and it sticks to the ceiling. WHAT THE HECK?! I didn't know Sparky was an electro magnet even though only the metal lock would cause such a thing. I call Logic Break #6 for the episode. NegaDuck shows the bloodshot eyes to show just how intense he is as he grabs the CHEST OF DEMONS and it opens to allow Gosalyn to drop out and land with a really decent bump onto the wooden floor. Gosalyn calls that rough seas and then notices NegaDuck has got her as she gulps while NegaDuck declares that he's going to be really rough on her to end the segment nearly ten minutes in.

After the commercial break; we cut to NegaDuck's face as he decides to use Gosalyn as bait which means three possible outcomes. I'll get to those in a moment because Gosalyn declares that he has to catch her first. NegaDuck calls her spirited and laughs out loud before stating that he hates that. Well; that's YOUR problem now Negaslime. Negaduck tries the lunge; but Gosalyn quickly scatters and runs out of Neggy's quarters. NegaDuck falls flat on his face and grunts to the Fearsome Over Four to stop her. Okay; I have no problem with that. Gosalyn races out and then does a very awesome spot as she dives right through the Liquidator (whom I called Buddy in case no one got it yet). Logic Break #7; but I accept that one. Quackerjack and Bushroot have a meeting of the minds as they almost grab Gosalyn (and Gosalyn does the Hanna Barbera looping and running sound effect to escape. If Sun Woo was around this would be watching a classic); and it wasn't in the ocean.

And we get the scene changer (because apparently; Drake doesn't have ENOUGH screen time as it is) as we cut to Drake sitting on the babyface ship using the share paper guide to divide the earnings and of course Drake wonders if Gosalyn is goofing off again. Oh snap Drake! You're just figuring it out that Gosalyn is NOT here. Even more so since she's the ONLY female member of your crew?! I mean there are only like TWO females in the entire episode and one of them has already been jettisoned out of the episode. Fenton and Launchpad state that they haven't seen her since leaving NegaDuck's ship. And now Drake gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he goes to the WHEEL OF QUESTIONABLE MORALITY to return to the heel ship. Seaman Drake is as REALLY STUPID as Humble Drake; what a shock?! SCENE CHANGER OF DOOM beckons and we return to the chase for Gosalyn as Gosalyn is now surrounded as she backs up and blows off Sparky and Quacky as they near her. Neggy then shows up OUT OF NOWHERE and flashes the CUTLASS OF PAIN near Gosalyn's throat. I betcha that scene would be cut out on Toon Disney. Neggy calls her spirited and I have to agree with him on that one.

Buddy points out that he hates that as the Fearsome Four seems too oblivious to the fact that Negaduck is leeching out their heat. NegaDuck walks to Gosalyn in a menacing matter and Gosalyn gulps in fear as the SHADOW OF DOOM engulfs her. She's back to being Pod Gos so to speak as we cut back to another angle of the heel ship as there is rope over board as Drake and his male crew members practice the fine art of not being seen or heard. Sadly; the rope sounds are so loud that it gives them away of course. Drake tiptoes onto the deck as he whisper yells at Gizmo Duck to be as quiet as ship mice. Gizmo Duck of course screws Drake by reving up the engines and squeal the tries as he manages to get onto the deck as Drake stops him. HAHA! And that is enough to cause Stegmutt to lose his balance and fall right on both of them; squashing them like Alexander the Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk!

Drake blows off that MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN as the Fearsome Four arrives and they do NOTHING at all. Huh? Drake blows himself up (HA!) and demands that they unhand Gosalyn or he will MURDER them more or less. And after seeing part two of the pilot; I think we all know what happens next. NegaDuck's voice beckons as he is still content on calling Doubloon A Buffoon and he's got Gosalyn by her red hair. OOOOOOOOOO...YOU FIEND! YOU DON'T DARE MAKE SUDDEN MOVES ON RED-HAIRED GIRLS! Ask Gilbert when he got a tableau smashed on his head by Anne. And of course; the I hate spirited people joke continues and it's not really that funny anymore. Drake does the whisper yell on Gosalyn after apparently giving up (by putting the sword back into the holder) that at least she's safe and they'll give back the jewels to them in exchange. Another scene changer beckons....

Spongebob Narrator: Fifteen minutes later....

The heel ship is now filled with gold as NegaDuck swims in it declaring victory by wearing Herb's crown. What a swine?! Drake asks to have his crew member back and NegaDuck of course no sells the deal. Drake cannot believe this one. I think NegaDuck knows your plan now REALLY STUPID, full of yourself Seaman Drake. And of course; Drake launches the funniest blow off I have ever seen. It makes Christian's version of it look like a rookie. This is worth the price of watching this episode alone. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! And then Logic Break #8 beckons as we cut to morning as we head to the babyface ship where Drake is sulking. HUH?! That's it?! NegaDuck doesn't try to MURDER THEM?! Man; that just kills what little heat NegaDuck had left. His violence side was the reason for me to tolerate him (albeit little) and the writers KILLED THAT PART OF HIM?! Launchpad of course eggs on him because all's fair in love and piracy. Drake blows it off and decides to hatch another MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Launchpad suggests that they sink NegaDuck's ship which Drake gleefully and rightfully blows off for obvious reasons. Drake paces around and finally the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY comes up: Let NegaDuck sink their ship. I'll let Ron Simmons explain this one for me....

Ron Simmons: [pause] DAMN!

Drake asks for a lot of pipes and Gizmo Duck give him the entire piping structure for the future CITY OF SAINT CANARD; and of course Drake wants that all important weapon in silly plot devices like this and there is the kitchen sink right on cue. Okay that was pretty neat. Scene changer beckons as we cut to the heel ship as NegaDuck is mad as heck. Now about those four choice of outcomes that Gosalyn would suffer. Which one did they choose to do on Gosalyn:

[1.] Tie her against the mast like the children from Peter Pan and gag her. I don't like that one because it has been done to death.
[2.] Tie her against the front of the ship. I'm all right with that one since it puts Gosalyn in reasonable danger and it usually means a shark is around
[3.] Tie her up and make her walk the plank which I hate because that have been already been done to death even in this episode alone.
[4.] Tie her up and put her legs in stocks. Take her shoes off to expose her bare feet and threaten to tickle them with cats licking them (or whatever BS&P will allow). That's the one they should choose and then it won't be a Cartoon Duck show anymore. And it would make the nephews look like giant wusses in comparison to her.

So which one did they choose?! If you said Option #1 and #2; you win the no prize and are assured that you'll NEVER get a writing job at DTVA. Gosalyn spits out her gag (YAY!) as NegaDuck states that they cannot return to his island because Drake is still around. Then why didn't you MURDER him from the start Dumbhitch?! Gosalyn sweet talks Sparky and Reggie into giving the details away and they do stating that the treasure is underneath the sextant. Wow; that last one was almost a direct reference to sex and Neggy blows them off for that spot. He swear yells and unleashes his sword and the Fearsome Four scatter as Neggy threatens to kill them (first death reference of the episode). Thrilling chase scene resumes as Gosalyn squeezes her arms out of the tied up ropes and she is free at last BABEE! Gosalyn goes into NegaDuck's quarters and uses the compass telescope on the map to chart her position; but NegaDuck finds her instantly. Well; so much for that plan.

NegaDuck demands to know what Gosalyn has to say for herself and Gosalyn blows off the cabin because it's not as scary as her room. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Neggy gets confused and then realizes that he has been duped by a little girl and demands answers on the scariness of his cabin. However; the fun ends because there is a huge explosion as Neggy goes outside while Gosalyn sneaks the map underneath her pants and looks around some more. We cut back to outside of the heel ship as it is raining cannon balls on the haul. About time the violence in this episode was to occur. The Fearsome Over Four do nothing because they hate Neggy see. Cannot argue that point as the white smoke beckons (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) and here's NegaDuck ordering them to return fire. They do and we got ourselves a Cannon Ball Fight for the ages as Drake uses the telescope to declare that the plan is working and he hopes his ship sinks so that when he comes back to finish them off; they will pounce on him.

Launchpad has control of the WHEEL OF QUESTIONABLE MORALITY and loves pouncing. Oh; this is going to blow up in their faces; I swear to God. NegaDuck orders the heel ship to turn around because they do not run from a fight. So we get the ultra funny cartoonish 180 degree turn spot for old time sake. Then we get the old brush off which Kennedy screws up of course and so Drake executes him plan anyway as he invokes the water pumper (with Gizmo Duck being the pumper by the way) to causes the floorboards to be washing with water. The babyface ship seems to be sinking. Drat! I knew that Drake would go for the well one time too many as we cut back to the heel ship as NegaDuck tells his crew to sail to them and go for the kill. He then goes to Gosalyn and states that he's impressed with her. So impressed that he decides to go for Option #2 and tie her to the front end of the ship. He throws Gosalyn away and we proceed to Reggie and Quackerjack laughing it up as they admire their rope work on Gosalyn as she's tied to the front of the ship. She struggles to get free but no dice as we return to the babyface ship as it is halfway to becoming sunk as Drake notices Gosalyn tied to the yardarm and he stammers as Launchpad holds on to ask him if this is port of the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN and of course Drake blows it off. Harshly at first and then softly afterwards. You may be full of youself; but you are not fooling anyone Drake. And where is Steggmutt now that I think about it as the heel proceeds to go in for the kill on the babyface ship as we get the old scream close up of Gosalyn's mouth to end the segment nearly fifteen and a half minutes in. Okay; this episode is a mess; but it is a fun episode thus far so I'll live through it....

After the commercial break; we cut to the front of the ship as Gosalyn manages to get her arms free again (Memo to villain: Tie her wrists first!) as the ship sails towards the sinking babyface ship which is no longer sinking anymore. That's Logic Break #9 for the episode as Drake stands his ground while Launchpad takes the WHEEL OF QUESTIONABLE MORALITY. And I guess Stegmutt and Gizmo Duck have been written out of the episode completely. Drake tells LP to steer like he hasn't before and of course LP spins the wheel and Drake is screwed. Oh; Stegmutt and Gizmo Duck are here at last. Never mind what I said previously. Geez; they have become so useless. And I guess Morgana and Neputina went on strike because Drake was leeching off their heat for this episode. Drake gets himself tied in the rope ladder (HA HA!) and tells them to full sail. Stegmutt pulls the sails (after nearly crushing Gizmo Duck again in the process) and the sails allow the babyface ship to sail away. The heel ship then has a Goofy moment. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ABOUT?! I think the drugs are starting to go bad now as NegaDuck realizes that it is a trick. Once again; this shows that NegaDuck did in fact gain the REALLY STUPID genes when he was born. Drake invokes the PURPLE EYE FOR THE QUEER GUY on the telescope as he tells Steggy to throw him on the deck like a cannon ball.

Steggy sells it as he grabs Drake, stuffs him into the cannon, points it at the heel ship, lights the match (which was cut by Disney because kids shouldn't use matches and Steggy is a man child) and fires the cannon. HEE HEE! Drake flies like a fish out of water and wraps himself around the mast post and ties himself against it with rope. And the ROPE SNAP comes out of the wood work of course. HA HA! Drake looks silly as Kennedy screws up the eyes of course. NegaDuck tells the Fearsome Four to MURDER him more or less and Sparky comes up as his FRY SWORD OF DOOM seems to have a malfunction as the noise is heard; but no thunder blade comes out of it. Kennedy's animation is becoming a big joke right now as Drake struggles and manages to find his dagger and he manages to loosen himself from the mast arm despite the fact that the ropes are still tied around him as if he was never tied to it in the first place...Logic Break #10 for the episode as we get the showdown between Sparky and Drake as the sword finally works and Drake breaks the rope bonds free.

Sparky is SHOCKED at that which is pretty apporos for him. HB Teeth Chattering Sound Effect beckons as Drake invokes the horseshoe and claims that everyone is drawn to his magnetic personality. Okay; he's over. We got it about 12 episode ago Drake. He throws the horseshoe and that gets rid of the FRY SWORD OF DOOM. He charges up and Drake throws the bucket which contains eight horseshoes which tie up Sparky and shock him into being a giant magnet and that eliminates all of the CUTLASSES OF PAIN from the other Fearsome Four. Sadly; now Megavolt has to jump away because the CUTLASSES OF PAIN want to MURDER him. We get the thrilling chase as Megavolt hops and run in front of the door and then uses his body to create a horseshoe and the CUTLASSES OF PAIN stick right into the wooden door. Good spot there guys as Sparky breathes a sigh of relief...for about three seconds as the cannon basically MURDERS him in a cloud of dust.

That's all for Sparky more or less as the cannon does the Scooby Doo Angel Spot to annoy me. Drake goes to the yardarm to attempt to free Gosalyn as he crawls onto the yardarm and Gosalyn blows off Drake's choice of words. We cut back to NegaDuck as he takes on the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY and goes in for the kill on the babyface ship. Drake gets sidetracked by the sheer force of the turning ship and falls down before saving Gosalyn; but get caught in the anchor of course because he's REALLY TOO STUPID to fall in the drink I guess. Drake looks forward and see that they are heading straight for the babyface ship; so Drake calls this a problem and does the old Hanna Barbera Looping and Running Sound Effect and then it's the TAZMANIAN SPIN OF DEATH onto the rope to free Gosalyn.; but Gosalyn falls into the drink as Doubloon is tied up against the yardarm. Drake is REALLY STUPID for do THAT one and he calls this part of his plan to add proof to my theory on him. The heel ship slices the babyface ship in half and the yardarm manages to break off despite not even coming close to the actual ship. Bad form there Kennedy as the GANG OF PIRATE GAG jumps ship. Gizmo Duck goes out of character by pumping up a life raft and Steggy does the cannon ball on our heroes in order to create a really cool water splash scene changer.....

...As somehow the babyface ship somehow caught fire (HUH?!) and it's sunset as the ship sinks in dramatic fashion and then completely explodes. Thankfully; it's too far away to hurt anyone as we cut back to the heel ship as NegaDuck declares victory over Doubloon. NegaDuck the heel ship sails away to parts unknown. We cut to morning as the waves become more choppy for some odd reason as the Pirate Gang is all washed up much like Drake's career as a whole. Gizmo Duck looks and points with his mace (which is more polite than a finger I guess) as Gosalyn swims over to them and they are HAPPY. LP declares to Drake that it is not over and of course Drake does another funny blowoff on that response. Not as funny as the first one; but close enough. Steggy and LP still think he's the worst scourage of the seas and Drake sells it very well..and he almost takes God's name in vain as he wants NegaDuck. Gosalyn is now on the BARREL OF LAUGHS as she shows the soggy map and Gizmo cannot believe that she stole it. Gosalyn proclaims that she only borrowed it. Normally; this would be sneaky; but since NegaDuck is REALLY STUPID (unlike Don Karnage) this isn't exactly a great thing.

Drake blows it off because it's all fair in piracy I guess. Unlike you steal content; then it's called getting your butt into lawsuits. Steggy agrees to be the boat of this outfit and everyone gets on his feet. Which explains why NegaDuck didn't tickle them in Just Us Justice Ducks Part Two. Gizmo Duck invokes the motor which almost cuts into Steggy and the babyfaces roar away to the ISLAND OF DOOM as the heel ship is already parked there. We cut to the row boats which are already parked there as NegaDuck and his crew do the Bugs Bunny spot through the jungle as NegaDuck blows off his crew for not singing like pirates. The crew sells and they Drake awaits for them inside a jungle tree ready to pounce on them. We have two minutes to go in the episode I should note so this shall be quick. The babyfaces are ready as all the heels are defeated in various ways (Bushroot falls into the ground, Quackerjack is muted, Buddy is sucked up into a sponge and Sparky is hung by Drake) except for NegaDuck which all of them pretty much were just there. Although Buddy getting sucked up was pretty funny. NegaDuck goes into the dark cave as the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRITY slowly beckons on him as it is pitch black in there. The cave is lit up and there is DARKWING...DOUBLOON ready to MURDER him.

No full of himself promos this time around. He puts down the lit candle stand and both of them unleash their swords. It's DUEL TIME BABEE! They clash as Drake blows him off for saying that it's over and NegaDuck blows that off and swipes the smaller sword out of Drake's paws. Sword dueling is not his forte I see. Drake scatters like a scalded dog as he goes for the lit candle stand to fight back. Oh come on! Like we don't know what is going to happen next. Nice spot from Negaduck blowing the candles after cutting them like a soft ice cream cake. This all leads to the thrilling punch spot where the censors can get away with it because there is nothing to see other than white impact stars. Well; at least they are constant with it so I'll allow this one to slide. Gizmo Duck appears with the light along with the babyfaces as of course Doubloon defeats NegaDuck as NegaDuck is on bottom. Their crew is on board and of course Drake cannot help himself and cuts a full of himself promo on NegaDuck. Which is fine because I don't like NegaDuck in general.

We cut to the haul of the heel ship as the heels are all tied up (NegaDuck is separate from them of course). Seaman Drake (in his peasant clothes now) blows off NegaDuck as NegaDuck tries to get one last insult in. The Fearsome Four yell at NegaDuck to shut up! Good for them! Seaman Drake closes the haul and of course cuts his usual full of himself promo because he's Drake Mallard as an actor of course. We cut to see the king and his family doing nothing as Drake comes in with the wheel barrow of riches and King Herb is impressed with Drake's courage and he wants to give him a grand reward. Drake cuts a self-rightous promo before settling on a dropped gold coin as his true reward. King Herb accepts it because he is so dense of course. Plus; he tells them to go that way while pointing to the northwest. Drake sells it like he is loyal and goes to the WHEEL OF MORALITY and sails away remembering to make a shadow of the DARKWING..DOUBLOON. The king's ship sails away into the sail northwest to end the episode at 21:09. Actually; this episode was a complete mess as there were logic breaks, CONINTUITY ERRORS and animation mistakes out of the wazoo; but it was a fun episode and seeing Drake act so annoying was a treat for me. Everyone else was on in this episode. Too bad the animators and writers weren't. *** ½ ( 70%)


Well; I got to admit that I wasn't expecting a good episode coming in considering how much ugliness there was in the premise; but I had a lot more fun in this one than I did with Just Us Justice Ducks Parts One and Two. Which is really sad because this episode had about ten logic breaks and numerous continuity errors along with screw up in animation from Kennedy that were really glaring if you know what to look for. This episode was clearly made just for Nega Duck and Darkwing Duck fans and it preformed rather well in spite of the flaws. Drake's blow offs and voice were priceless. Yes; Doubloon was annoying, but he played the voice to the hilt and it made for some really funny moments. The verbal comedy was as well done as the physical comedy for a change. It was also nice to see Drake not bury his friends in this one either as they all did a decent job including Gosalyn and Launchpad. Nega Duck on the other hand got too much screen time and it dragged down the heel side quite a bit. The Muddlefoot were just there to suck; but at least seeing them as royalty was pretty funny and fitting all things considered. Overall; I enjoyed this episode and it's a crying shame that it wasn't handled better by the animators because this had ****+ written all over it. Again; Cartoon Duck Syndrome hurt this one..although the actors this time around put on a good effort. Next up is the Christmas Special: It's A Wonderful Leaf with Bushroot. And I pray that he will not be buried in this one.

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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