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It's A Wonderful Leaf
Bushroot ruins Christmas..That'll make him a real heel...I think!
Finally; I get to do an episode that is perfect for this kind of season (I did Jolly Molly in the middle of Spring for crying out loud!). It features Bushroot trying to ruin Christmas and I do mean try because lord forbid if he succeeds without you know who doing you know what. Personally; I think the writers should try to make it a fun episode rather than epic because Jolly Molly Christmas is already the best one and no one is going to top it. So did they; or did you know who bury you know who? Let's rant on and find out shall we...?
The episode is written by John Behnke, Bob Humphrey and Jim Peterson. The story editor is unknown at this point....This one is animated by Sun Woo and I'm really getting steamed over the use of these hit or miss companies.
Interesting Moment #1: The title card is similar to Jolly Molly Christmas in that they did something different instead of the usual white letters at the beginning. And it sucks...oh lord it sucks. It's a badly drawn card for Pete's sake. Wang Films looks like Disney Feature in comparison and Jolly Molly Christmas' version looked absolutely awesome. This is NOT the way you want to start off a Christmas episode...
We begin this one with the card opening and the snowflakes are falling down towards the CITY OF SAINT CANARD. We cut to the HOTEL DEPARTMENT STORE OF DOOM as we get a female ice skater skating on the icy parking lot (Sounds a lot like this year in Nova Scotia; doesn't it?) which we never get to see her face. We then go inside the Department Store and there is a fight going on as the patrons of the store are acting like a bunch of pigs after trying to get a PlayStation 3 last year. The half price clerk has some clothes at his counter; but the MOB OF CHRISTMAS FEAR cleans up on him too. There is running and tugging all around the store as a female pig (How apporos is that?!) and a male dog have a tug of war on a teddy bear. Okay you hate bears; we freaking get it Tad. The male dog loses after the daughter of the female pig (the one in the purple) bites the dog on his leg. OUCH! Which shows that indeed Kit Cloudkicker bit Don Karnage on the ass in Plunder and Lightning Part One (since that bite was off-screen).
Now this is a reasonable outlook on the average Christmas season in the shopping malls. Unless you bought a PlayStation 3 and then you have to add BB Guns and mayors billing companies for bad behavior. And before someone calls me out on callously making fun of this; it's not my fault that Sony fan boys couldn't control themselves last year. At least the Nintendo fan boys showed some actual class and character (minus Reggie's ultra stupid interview with Game Head.) which was solely lacking in a player with cares more about games being like Hollywood; instead of just being themselves and gaining proper respect and character through earning it. Thankfully; Bushroot was hiding right behind a Christmas tree and saw the whole thing; so he rightfully blows them off for that stupid move. I could go into blaming this episode for the PlayStation 3 incident; but even DARKWING...DUCK wasn't over enough for THAT to happen. Bushroot walks through the mall sounding paranoid as he gets off another religious reference for the series (Holy Snowplow) and can you really blame him? After all; he not only has to deal with dangerous customers who would fight, scratch and claw their way to getting gifts, he even has to get past the ultra dangerous world of DRAKE MALLARD!
Bushroot then panics and scatters as the CHRISTMAS MOB OF FEAR stampedes through the shopping mall again. Yeah; that is what Jesus would do: Stampede through a mall with reckless abandon. Even more ironic: The biggest supporters of this would be those Self-Righteous Paranoid Defenders of Christmas. You can read about that from Ed Brayton from Dispatches from the Culture Wars (under War of Christmas I believe). Personally; I would call it Dispatches from the Dumb Ass Wars; but I guess even Ed isn't offensive enough to try THAT joke. More running leads to Bushroot hiding inside the plant shop which is apporos for him since he is a Plant Duck. And of course; it's empty because protecting the environment is not the Jesus thing to do right?! Right Self-Righteous Paranoid Defenders of Christmas? Bushroot pants and falls down onto his seat whining about why he waits until the last minute to do his shopping. Ironic Moment #2: An CNBC host trying to find a Wii about three days before Christmas Eve. Yeah; sure that was REAL smart. Considering that finding a Wii in the middle of July was a challenge; did you honestly think that you would find one during the middle of Nintendo's important time of the season? I mean; Nintendo had supply issues despite shipping MORE units than PS3 and XBOX 360 ever did. When you go for the larger piece of the entertainment pie; how could Nintendo NOT have trouble with supply?!
He's in the Galleria Garden Shop (nice plant pun guys) so he grabs the wheel barrow and starts shopping like mad. And of course; all his friends have plant names DUH! Why is Bushroot wearing a goofy sock on his head?! He goes to a stand where the red spout watering pots are stacked up. However; the CHRISTMAS MOB OF DOOM decides that going through a PLANT STORE was the only place where they DIDN'T screw Bushroot and they run in and steal all the watering pots. If the writers are trying to build sympathy heat for Bushroot I say good for them since Bushroot has NO heel heat thanks to Drake full of himself Mallard stealing it from him. Bushroot manages to take a broken down version of the water pot as his; but the farmer dog male from earlier on steals it from him. THIEF! Bushroot stammers and tries to act all brave and everything; but then farmer male dog just MURDERS him with the loaded blue purse right into the groin (I think; knowing Sun Woo they probably blew the spot) and Reggie goes flying. OOOOOOO...That's going to leave a mark.
Excellent off-screen MAN-SIZED bump into the BARREL OF LAUGHS containing the rakes. The man says Happy Holidays which pretty much means that this episode has joined the ranks of all those shops who have been boycotted by the Self-Righteous Paranoid Defenders of Christmas. Yeah; that is my running joke for the episode; live with it. Bushroot hides as the pigs return to check flower pots and the small purple clothes wearing pig girl pats Bushroot on the head and pulls off his purple hair. I guess that makes her Steve Colbert's daughter. Oh come on; you knew that one was coming?! Reggie blows her off for being such a meanie on his head and the girl does a really over the top screaming sell complete with tonsil alarm ringing. FINALLY; someone sells Bushroot as a threat for a change. Her mother (in light blue dress I should note) also notices him and she's more scared than all of the females on this show combined. Not as much as the little girl; but good enough. Bushroot goes into confusion because he doesn't consider himself a plant monster; which he will finally get as the mother invokes the rake and basically MURDERS him with it. Considering that Reggie has ALREADY been buried as a threat; seeing him take bumps like this is the only way I can love Reggie now. It's just reminds me so much of Nintendo. The difference: Nintendo has already won so the bashing is little more than childish grandstanding on the part of the Sustainers.
Reggie gets out of the BARREL OF LAUGHS and it's the funny Scooby Doo chase sequence (and seeing Sun Woo animate Bushroot while running is downright cute I should note) to waste some time. And now Reggie runs left because it's the ANGRY MOB OF DOOM (complete with various fire objects) chase Reggie through the mall. Okay; this is pretty funny and apporos since fire is Bushroot's main weakness (He's a plant duck; what did you expect?). I guess Bushroot said Happy Holidays one time too many and this is the MOB OF THE SELF-RIGHTEOUS PARANOID DEFENDERS OF CHRISTMAS. They basically chase him out of the department. However; they miss the fact that Reggie ran into the JOKEY SURPRISE OF DOOM near the CHRISTMAS TREE OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS PARANOIA CHRISTMAS DEFENDING. Reggie pops out of the present and blows off Christmas with his modified version of Scrooge's BAH promo.
Bushroot blows off everyone for treating his like yesterday's fruit cake. Reggie should be so lucky that they are treating him like that since they aren't like Drake who basically treats him like a third class henchman at this point. And of course; the ice skater returns (only the skate shows up though) and runs melted snow right in Reggie's kisser. Reggie has had enough of this sappy season (I just just see the Capitalist who have cashed in on the Self-Rightous Paranoid Defenders of Christmas run to their lawyers as we speak; even though there is nothing they can do about it) and proclaims that he'll make sure that they are thankful that it only comes once a year. Huh?! That's a threat? Why not say; when I get done with them; they'll wish Christmas NEVER came at all? Or did the SRPDC get to this episode? And after three and a half minutes of bliss.....
It's time for pain because we head to Drake Mallard's house and inside Drake's living room as we see the candle wreath on the coffee table as humble full of himself Drake Mallard with the Christmas Decorations and he heads to the Christmas tree as we see Launchpad has arrived (because he signed a massive deal with Michael Eisner for more episodes according to Smearinggun.com.) and it's time to cut the festive version of the dangerous promo. Drake then does the old jump in the tree method which could only work if (a.) you are thinner than a tree branch (b.) your feet are lighter than pine needles and (c.) Sun Woo misses the spots by a mile. Of course Drake pulls it off without any further incident and plugs the tree in so to speak. And of course we get the TA-DA STOCK MUSIC OF DOOM just to make it sound even more annoying. Drake admires his handiwork and then notices that Launchpad isn't around. So he goes to the back of the tree and of course there is Launchpad tied up against the tree with Christmas lights. That was pretty funny and maybe Drake's contrived spotting isn't so bad after all. As long as Sun Woo doesn't blow it of course which is like trying to convince moralists that Erottotoxins are not real and just someone going to my website and thinking that Nervoustoxins (from my fanfic Unforeseen Impact) was a good story device to use as a base for legit science.
Launchpad apologizes and then spits a pink ball right into Drake's kisser that takes a decent bump off Drake's kisser. Now that was an awesome spot and Drake gets mad. Hey; Drake, if you want me to stop calling you a full of yourself asshole; stop acting like a full of yourself asshole. Drake then releases Launchpad from his bonds and that looked really unconvincing because if he tried that in real life; the wires would spark and we would have his house burn down to the ground. Drake then proclaims that there is something that makes this time peaceful and of course he gets screwed because Gosalyn flies down the stairs on her new (or old sled) having the time of her life. Drake orders her to stop; but Gosalyn has a good excuse to screw Drake: no brakes. I'll accept that one thank you very much. And a vase gets smashed off-screen of course because it just wouldn't be a good spot without such happening as Gosalyn takes the big bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON right into the Christmas tree.
Good for her; that tree hasn't been selling properly since Drake first got it. The dust clears and the tree is completely destroyed of course; but in a miracle of all miracles the lights are undamaged and the house doesn't burn down as a result. Drake must be using LED lights which is the smartest thing he has EVER done in his career. Everyone pops out as Gosalyn holds a red present as she apologizes to Drake. Is it because she ruined the Christmas tree or because Gosalyn got her heat back from Drake who was leeching off of her all this time?! You the viewer decide. Gosalyn calls the red sled (an error on my part; but it doesn't matter since it is pretty much the same thing actually) prehistoric and Drake steals it from her because it is his. And plus; he doesn't like Gosalyn's blowing off of the past. Considering how full of himself Drake Mallard is; can you blame her for that?! And the sled crumbles into pieces proving Gosalyn's point in more ways than one. Hey; I'm digging this episode as Gosalyn decides to run like the wind so she can open her presents early before that nasty full of himself Mallard buries...ERRR....grounds Gosalyn forever.
Nice to see someone was paying attention here as Gosalyn jumps into the present landfill and pops out of the pile with the SANTA LIST OF STUFF HE SHOULD GIVE TO ME BEFORE I CLUB HIS REINDEER. And I boo Gosalyn for putting a legit pony on her list. For goodness sake; it's 1991, that present is so passe unless you give her a horse simulation like Horsez from Ubi Soft. Or better yet Nintendogs which is now the ninth best selling video game of all time (seventh if you discount Duck Hunt and Super Mario Brothers since they were packed with the NES in America.). Take that Grand Theft Auto!! Even funnier is that when she says Shetland she almost said it as if she was saying Sh**land. Think Crap land. I got to draw the line on my rants somewhere before they become unreadable. Gosalyn throws the list away and starts on the white present with green ribbon. It's ALWAYS the holy one that gets destroyed first and if I was one of those conspiracy types from the SRPDC; I would think of that spot as an attempt to degrade the essence of the season. However; since I'm not and therefore think that thinking like that is just being a stupid little poopy head I will go on. Drake steals the present and tells him that it is Christmas tradition to open the presents on Christmas morning. Maybe in your house Drake (and mine); but really it's all right to open them on Christmas Eve. Some kids around the world open them on December 6th and some open it later in the first week of the new year. It depends on the tradition of the country. Gosalyn grabs onto Drake's leg like Molly on a hyper streak and pleads for mercy. And she's got tears coming out of her eyes. Maybe it's just me; but Molly Cunningham is looking far less selfish now the more I watch Gosalyn Mallard. I don't hate Gosalyn; but she looks like a selfish girl in these scenes here.
Sadly; Drake is far worse so we know who is the enabler of this scene. Drake blows her off in a really nice way and Gosalyn let's go of him accepting defeat...NOT! Welcome to the real Gosalyn as she shows that she is no Kit Cloudkicker by any measure known to man or kid... We cut to the stairs of Drake's house before going to the blue sofa shot as Gosalyn and Honker put on their army hats they stole from Donald Duck. Nice CONTINUITY from the writers as this is what they did in Cleaniness is Next to Badliness. Gosalyn invokes the binocular which usually means that this is going to be a great episode; but with Drake around even that is put to question so to speak. Gosalyn uses the evil target (which 4Kids had the nerve to paint over in Pokemon) and the target is the red present (with a pink ribbon; how cute!). Gosalyn goes over to it and does the old promo at 5:24...
Gosalyn: I am the terror that unwraps in the night...
UH OH! The red alert sound (on top of the fake tree no less) blares for Gosalyn either stealing a present from the tree; or stealing and degrading Drake's full of himself promos. If it's the later; Drake should be ashamed of himself. Then again; Drake is full of himself so he is completely shameless so to speak. Drake of course is sitting at his blue chair reading the newspaper warns Gosalyn not to open anything and Gosalyn lies through her teeth that she was replacing a Christmas decoration. Maybe she should take one of them and knock Drake out with it; that would give her a Christmas gift. Sadly; the writers clearly thought that suggestion was too violent and Gosalyn goes over to the stray Christmas gift (that she probably slid over during the alarm) and opens it. And of course; Drake Mallard is inside to blow Gosalyn off for jumping the gun on a Christmas tradition (that Gosalyn blew off before opening the present and I approve of her doing it since Drake has no respect for ANYONE in this series.). Gosalyn calls her dad the Christmas Cop which is a more fitting reference to the Traffic Cop than it was when he was in Frosty The Snowman since Frosty was hardly a Christmas song to begin with. Just to note: That last one was Logic Break #1 for the episode; but it was a good one for a change; so I don't mind it at all...
We head now to the Christmas Tree Lot as we see Bushroot on the podium acting like a much funnier and much more apporos version of Tadpole from Just a Tad Smarter. Bushroot orders his TREE ARMY OF DEATH (complete with Star Tops to control them I guess) to break away from the chains of Christmas oppression. Which is funny and ironic since they are wearing Stars on their heads and are being controlled by Bushroot's STARS OF CONTROLLED SURPRESSION. Bushroot and the MILLION OPPRESSED TREE MARCH OF DOOM march out of the Christmas Tree Lot towards the town as I must say that hearing Bushroot march with them is pretty funny with Tito voicing. We cut back to the shot of the wreath as Bushroot sticks his head through it and talks into the star remote control to call the MILLION OPPRESSED TREE MARCH OF DOOM to invoke Operation Christmas Cheer. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! We then cut to the female pig and her daughter (they are STILL in there?) sitting on a bench and one of the Christmas tree steals the DARKWING..DUCK doll from her and puts it into the farmer male dog's green bag.
I guess the writers think these two sides fighting on each other gives them pleasure. Purple wearing daughter whines about the farmer's dog stealing her dolly (Wow; Molly Cunningham looks like the most selfless six year old in the entire DTVA lineup now.) and her over selling is really top notch once again as mother pig (carrying presents in a paper bag which makes her the cheapest pig in this series bar none); panics and calls out the farmer's dog as a dirty little thief. She simply MURDERS the farmers' dog with the loaded paper bag. Did she buy a hundred bricks or something because those bumps are MAN-SIZED?! And why bother showing them off-screen when the first one are clearly on-screen?! Never mind; I like the spot and daughter's selling of the spot is plain priceless to me. That's going to leave a mark...on her conscience. We get the star scene changer and we see a dog fury (who looks like Elmer Fudd and I smell lawsuit coming from Warner Brothers) carrying a green paper bag (?!) of presents and then we cut to the Santa from the Salvation Army belling the bell and Shawn Michaels is running for cover because the kettle for the money is painted black see.
Thankfully; the writers are not sadists because if this were today, this Santa would be MURDERED by the SRPDC for saying Happy Holidays and Peace On Earth. Because that would mean not getting the homosexuals see. The Christmas tree behind him grabs the bell and Fake Santa's bell just got rung. Nice selling form Fake Santa on that one. We then cut to an old man in a trench coat walking with a cane further into the mall away from the trees (smart move!) and the Christmas tree takes the bell and puts it into his hands. Fake Santa calls him out for being a dirty thief and goes over; grabs the bell and now the old man's bell just gets rung. OUCH! So much for peace on earth. I guess you need good will toward men to make that spot work. Old Man admires the birds tweeting around his head as we cut to see Bushroot hiding behind about a dozen or so plants of Posinetta's. And that flower turned into a College Football Game and they wondered why it NEVER got over?! Bushroot gleefully sneers at the people who caused great harm to him as they are more interested in MURDERING each other than noticing Bushroot blowing them off. Reggie then decides that it is time for phase two of his EVIL MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Which is to take on the Sinister Fake Santa at the Santa's chair.
I guess James Mitchell was present for this one as we cut there which looks like a reasonable real life version of the same thing. Sadly; Mic Mac Mall fans were shocked and appalled that Woody the Talking Christmas Tree was retired from duty forever this year. One of my techies working at Reboot; Greg Manson actually was a voice of Woody at Mic Mac Mall (and he also makes balloon art.) We see Santa Claus (dogperson in case you care) sitting in his chair with a kid on his knee which looks pretty ticked off at something. Man; even the kids are3 slowly becoming cynical of the season. I guess even they see right through the SRPDC. Thankfully; Sun Woo messed up as Santa Claus gives the kid who has a backwards green baseball cap a candy cane and he's HAPPY again. Ah; the magic of sugar. It always pleases a kid and that kid clearly likes Kit which is good because he's a better character than some. At least this Santa is willing to defend Christmas even though many cynical people say that Santa is Satan spelled sideways.
Thankfully; the kid scatters before the twin Christmas trees bash Santa on the head and smoother him to death. Ooooo..KILLER CHRISTMAS TREES. This is actually better than the Giant Vampire Potato. If ONLY Reggie had thought of that earlier than Nightmare of the Living Spud might not have sucked. After some bells are ringing and no children are singing because Disney thinks they are too expensive to deal with child labor laws; out pops Santa Root! BWHAHAHAHAHA! And he's already better than the original Santa Claus. That maybe the cynical side of me talking; but Bushroot is kicking ass in this episode. Too bad Drake has to come along and ruin it in the end though. A little boy wearing an helicopter hat sits on Bushroot's knee and asks for a drum and Reggie tells him to beat it. HA HA! The left Christmas tree grabs the kid and throws him away stage right for a really good bump off-screen. Wow; the censors are ASLEEP at the wheel for this one. We get another star scene changer and I feel a Spongebob Narrator sequence commencing...
Spongebob Narrator: Three hours later...
Satan Bushroot...ERRR...Santa Bushroot has one more guest left which is a little girl who stupidity runs to Bushroot with her little DARKWING...DUCK dolly (Nice CONTINUITY from the writers I should note) and Bushroot steals it allowing the pig girl to oversell her whining and crying as she storms off. I am SO enjoying this and than Tank Muddlefoot comes OUT OF NOWHERE to ruin the experience as he blows off Reggie because HE knows that is not Santa at all. He then makes the mistake of pulling on the fake beard which allows the right hand Christmas tree to invoke the CANDY CANE NINE IRON OF DEATH and pop Tank good right out of the mall just as Binky and Herb come out of the store to even notice him. Too funny on both counts. If only Louie's aid had done that to Louie's patrons; then the Molly haters would have to find someone else to mock. Then again; we wouldn't have the best Christmas finish in history so there you go.
Binky goes over to attend to Tank; but Herb drops his presents because he sees Santa Bushroot. This should be fun. Notice how Drake has only had about a minute tops in screen time and I'm not talking about him anymore? Herb jumps right onto Bushroot's lap and Bushroot complains about his weight. I guess he's on the Seafood diet which is: I see food; I eat food. Got it?! And HERE comes the girl's mother who is angry as hell and she just MURDERS them both with the bag and sadly the bumps are ultra wussy. I guess the censors finally woke up. All they needed was the squeak sound and this would be PERFECT. It's still pretty funny to see hyper active pig mother whack them though so I'll let that minor gaffe slide. Herb is thrown by the wayside and the angry chases Bushroot out of the mall again. Again; no matter how evil Bushroot gets; those patrons deserve every bit of what was coming from Bushroot after they screwed him out of a peaceful shopping spree at the mall. And remember that Bushroot didn't do anything evil on the first go around until AFTER the patrons acted like jerks. That's what makes this episode so good to watch thus far. And of course Bushroot saves himself by hiding under a Christmas Tree and this was all his plan as he uncorks his faux beard from his mouth.
Sadly; the scene must shift to deeper in the mall as Drake is standing on the yellow with red ribbon present which is probably a bomb since you know who is trying to open presents. And before you say that this is mean spirited of Drake; remember all the threats he said to Gosalyn and calling her a terrorist in previous episodes? Launchpad complains about the amount of gifts Drake is buying as Drake cuts the Christmas version of a full of himself promo because this is truly the real spirit of Christmas which is to buy until you drop dead. Only Drake could make the baby Jesus cry and make me care about the later and strangle the former into submission. Of course; I wouldn't do the later because that wouldn't be what Jesus would do right?! Drake drops down as the old man from earlier goes into his green bag and notices that someone has stolen his fruitcake. And no; he wasn't talking about Satrou Iwata so get over it Sustainers of the world! Drake notices this and ponder who would steal fruitcake? Launchpad wonders how that could be possible since he could NEVER get rid of the stuff. Memo to Launchpad: Write letters to them and tell them to stop sending you that stuff at Christmas. Maybe then you won't get any.
The white haired lady (with a red dress/pink coat which is really a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one) complains about her purse being stolen. Why not ask the mother pig in the blue dress; or are you afraid that you'll get MURDERED by her for my pleasure?! The Fake Santa claims that his bell was stolen which is Logic Break #2 for the episode because he GOT THE BELL BACK EARLIER. Well; it's DARKWING..DUCK on the case so you know CONTINUITY ERRORS are going to arise. See DARKWING.. DOUBLOON. And of course; Drake screws up by going into the closet and coming out as SANTA...DUCK!! No wonder Mrs. Claus is having trouble all those years; Santa was a bisexual all along. Drake thinks about changing again; but decides to dress up as Santa to get the drop on the evildoer. Well; Drake Mallard is REALLY STUPID so this actually sounds like a good prospect. And since Drake as an international object equals funny this episode just got better. Of course; the ANGRY MOB OF SANTA KILLERS arrives with pig mother as the leader (Geez; what a shock?!) as Drake gives some really good elbows which Sun Woo screws up because Launchpad no-sells them. Now you know Drake is truly a pussy when THAT happens.
Drake thinks this is all fun and ho-ing; but the ANGRY MOB OF SANTA KILLERS is more deadly than those who wanted to censor Santa because Ho is slang for Whore and Drake and Launchpad run away like scalded dogs. Gravity also takes a holiday because the presents from Launchpad's arm fly into the air and never drop down. The MOB OF DEATH runs past the Christmas tree which shows how REALLY STUPID the people are (what a shock after all that has happened?!) and Launchpad and Drake come out which allows Drake to cut his usual full of himself promo. And Drake wisely changes to his gay apparel so to speak as we hear Reggie Bushroot appear from another Christmas tree protesting this outrage. See; he's not sinister; just misunderstood. Well; he's not a minister so it's apporos actually. And of course; Drake gets the drop on him which is funny since they were both SHARING THE SAME TREE! I would call this Logic Break #3; but it's too funny to blow it off so I'll pretend it didn't happen. Reggie and Drake exchange blowoffs as Drake declares the Bushroot party over because he's the star of the show and Bushroot is merely plant food on the over chain. Bushroot isn't going down without a fight (YAY!) and calls on his MILLION TREE ARMY OF CHRISTMAS CHEER to go loco on the babyfaces. They walk towards Drake and Launchpad as they both yipe to end the segment nearly ten minutes in. Now this is going to get really good now...
After the commercial break; we get the timid bunny rabbit stare down as the ARMY OF KILLER TREES inch closer in dramatic fashion. I'm personally glad that the writers are making this into a fun episode; because they realize that they will NEVER top Jolly Molly Christmas in emotion and scope. Bushroot leads the charge and Drake blows him off for going too far. Memo to Drake: Getting MURDERED by pig mother went WAY TOO FAR. This is merely going over the edge. Drake launches into a moral self rightous mood which I'm sure made the SRPDC proud. Bushroot doesn't care though as he blows off Drake's future killing and dances off with two Christmas Trees in order to kill Christmas (death reference #1). Nice to see SOMEONE use that phrase in reference to Christmas. Ruin just doesn't have the same ring to it. The tree army surrounds our babyfaces as I fear for them since Drake is known for using REALLY STUPID spots to annoy me when Bushroot is involved. Launchpad believes that they are doomed...DOOMED I SAY; but Drake knows he can bury Bushroot ANYTIME he wants and goes for the gas gun and tells them to suck tinsel.
Now there's a quality blow off which was slightly ruined by Drake calling them pine cone breath. Cannot win them all I guess. Drake invokes the gas gun and it shoots out Christmas decorations which defeats the first Christmas Tree. Okay; that was different. Launchpad calls them nice decorations despite being so generic. It's still better than the ultra stupid snake charmer spot from Easy Comes so I'll give Drake credit for being so stunned afterward. The Christmas Trees admire themselves because when Drake's around they know when to quit as Drake tells LP it's time for get some reindeer and fly. They scatter and the trees decide to stop selling. Good for them; they are now one step above those plants from Easy Comes in the smarts scale. They run....like the wind....and easterly wind this time past the presents near Santa's Chair which means that Drake and LP are hiding in. Stupidity question of the episode: How in the blue hell do you hide in those things you sick freaks?!
I think even The Rock would be asking that same question as I am?! The presents (take one guess who get the one with the bells ringing?) have a meeting of the minds; and it wasn't at Santa's workshop water cooler. Hey; I got to find new ways to amuse myself now that the SRPDC have ruined my good cheer; so shoot me. Drake and LP's heads pop out of the presents and I'm still disappointed that they didn't explode yet. Ironically; LP gets to play the funny with the green ribbon on his head to look like a girl. Drake destroys a perfectly innocent present (BOO HISS!) and blows off Bushroot on where he is headed and Launchpad suggest following the trial of pine needles. I betcha Drake Mallard claims to have a better idea and then suggests the same thing Launchpad suggests that they do..I check the DVD...And I'm almost right as Drake blows off Launchpad because it's the easy way of course. I guess the writers have stopped being too predictable which is great because that's how TaleSpin worked out so well.
We now head outside as we see a truck (with headlights on) speeding down an icy road which the road look anime animated. Hey; I just made a new catchphrase to annoy anime purists. I am SO GOOD AND SO ON TONIGHT BABEE! Bushroot is driving the truck speaking with the star microphone to show who the most over guy in this episode is and calling all trees to be greedy according to the badly sang song by Reggie. This one is Operation Bah-Humbug. I guess Operation Christmas Cheer was too gay to be used anymore. That's Logic break #4 for the episode as we cut to inside The Muddlefoots' house as the STAR COMMUNICATION COMMISSION on the Christmas tree are heard and the trees start stealing gifts. Apparently; the white ones are the most over ones to steal first as we cut to inside the kitchen as Herb is over to the cutting board and complaining that all the heads off the gingerbread men have their heads eaten off. 2:1 odds that this was Tank's doing. And of course Tank proves my point by backing away looking frightened at the possible WRAITH OF HERB MUDDLEFOOT. Herb wanted to do that himself because he's more over see.
And Tank is leeching off his heat of course. Tank backs up into the living room (through the wooden saloon door) and backs up right beside the presents next to the Christmas tree and takes the needle branch right in the can. HAHA! Tank rubs his can (EWWWW!) and then turns around and steals the candy cane while blowing the tree off. OOOOOO..those are FIGHTING WORDS Tank Muddlefoot. Tank causally walks down the living room biting on the soft candy cane like it was hot butter and the Christmas tree grabs Tank right in the mouth to shut him up (YIPPEEE!) as Tank does a great job selling as the tree stuff Tank right into the middle Christmas Stocking. Let me guess; one for Honker, one for Binky, one for Tank and two for Herb. I guess Herb was being so generous. Tank struggles like a lame duck which is apporos since he was always a lame duck bully. HA! I KILL ME! We cut to outside and it is snowing outside as Bushroot notices that one is missing which so happens to be Drake Mallards house. Bushroot walks out and opens the window near the Christmas Tree which so happens doesn't have a star. Did all the denizens of Saint Canard buy their stars from the SAME guy?! Because if they did and Drake is the ONLY one who didn't. I'd check Drake Mallard's closet.
Thankfully; Bushroot puts the STAR COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION on the tree and he cuts a decent promo about giving and taking as the Christmas tree is alive and well enough to start stealing Gosalyn's gifts. Sadly; Bushroot forgot the tree alarm and it blares of course as Reggie is forced to scatter while blowing off Drake's unique ways of screwing Gosalyn into obeying his Christmas traditions. Gosalyn and Honker enter the room as they catch the Christmas tree in the act and Gosalyn calls him out. However; the Christmas tree grabs the wreath from the coffee table and ties the kids up with it. Drat! I knew that prop would be used somewhere in this episode. The Tree makes like a flea and and leaves as Gosalyn and Honker struggle to door while Gosalyn blows the tree off because only she will be opening presents. As if that ever worked on my fanfic version of Kit Cloudkicker. Memo to Honker: If you don't want to get hurt...WALK!! Another star scene changer (all we need is the pentagram star and we're all set here) and we head outside as the Christmas tree come onto the driveway and walk down with presents in hand as Bushroot declares victory to Operation BAH-HUMBUG.
Hey; he's actually getting over as a good slimy heel here so I'm cheering for him as well. The truck stops and allows the Christmas trees to hop on as Bushroot cuts a funny mistletoe promo. Bushroot blows off Christmas better than the Grinch does and puts the gear on full blast and the truck races away. MEMO to Bushroot: The roads are icy. Take it slow for a change. It's not like Drake Mallard isn't going to bury you in the end so take it slow and enjoy it. And the presents get dropped off the truck of course. Bushroot drives like a maniac and then makes the obvious mistake of looking in the rear view mirror and seeing Drake Mallard and Launchpad in the Rat Snowmobile. Bushroot doesn't like it as Drake blows Bushroot off calling him cranberry head. To quote Bugs Bunny: What a maroon?! Drake then shows how REALLY STUPID he is by actually jumping off the snowmobile and landing in the perfect position to get MURDERED by the truck! Did this duck EVER learn from Nightmare of the Living Spud?! Of course not! Drake gets MURDERED of course and lands on the front like a freaking bug on my windshield (God bless Kenny Blankenship!).
Bushroot stops the truck and the power of suggestion forces Drake off and he's flatter than Alexander the Grape in front of the street covered in snow. Hey; Drake as an international object equals funny. What did you expect?! Drake cuts a full of his promo as he recovers and then he get MURDERED by the truck again! Good for you Reggie Bushroot! Teach that overgrown piece of overbearing crap about putting cool villains like you over! Drake of course cuts the Two Front Teeth promo which was good; but could have been better if he was missing two teeth instead of one. Oh well; cannot win them all as Drake flops into the snow knocked out. Gosalyn and Honker hop over to tell the obvious to Drake and Drake finally gets up and takes the WREATH OF DOOM from Gosalyn where cutting his usual full of himself promo. He calls for Launchpad and Launchpad is right there to stop which of course dumps snow all over him in a snow tomb. As usual too funny. Everyone gets on as Drake declares this open season for Christmas Tree chopping showing the giant ax which has such a handle which is too small for that blade to handle. SOMEONE FIRE THAT HANDLE!
We cut to inside the city as Reggie Bushroot is driving the truck towards his hideout which so happens the truck is dropping more gifts by the minute. I guess destroying innocent presents is also his plan. Okay; works for me since he is so over now; it's SO unbearable for poor widdle Drake Mallard to bear. The Rat Snowmobile is foolishly behind him and Drake eats the present right in the kisser. Sadly it doesn't explode in his face which would have made the spot even funnier. Drake demands that Gosalyn unwraps him and Gosalyn blows him off since she cannot unwrap gifts until Christmas morning. Thankfully; Drake is smart enough to do it himself which shows how demanding Drake really is and they go off the snow cliff and the thing takes two REALLY SICK BUMPS. And somehow; Gosalyn and Honker DO NOT fly right out of the snowmobile. Memo to the Disney censors: Unless Gosalyn and Honker are wearing safety belts (which they are not); then Gosalyn and Honker should have flew right out of the snowmobile along with Drake and Launchpad who did. Logic Break #5 of the episode and the first one I don't accept. And of course; they did it because it allowed Gosalyn to take the controls and ride the snowmobile.
Well; if Kit can drive a steamroller; then Gosalyn can ride a snowmobile I guess. Gosalyn turns the thing 180 degrees to the right and then goes for the LASSO OF BANE FOR ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE; but this is COMEDY BABY so this is okay actually. Launchpad and Drake actually land on an outside Santa's Sled With Only Two Tiny Reindeer decoration with no bump whatsoever (although Drake and LP do sell well on that spot) and the lasso attaches to the antlers and Drake and Launchpad are forced to RIDE REINDEER. Launchpad and Drake hand on to Santa's Sled as Gosalyn and Honker ride towards the east (which is the wrong direction I should note) and the sled takes a wussy bump (oh lord NOT NOW!) and the two goofs riding bump into the air and where they land I don't care. Drake lands on the front reindeer backwards while LP rides into the sled. Launchpad should be only so lucky. Gosalyn gets her first Keen Gear in at least two episode almost fifteen minutes in as Logic Break #6 beckons right there since they shouldn't be chasing Bushroot (since they were in opposite directions by now) right now. Drake yells at Gosalyn (OH SHUT UP Drake Mallard!) as the sled bumps into cars and Sun Woo screws up the animation since there is no damage whatsoever to the car. The chase sequence continues on as the sleigh flies into the air and the rope snap spot rears it's ugly head in this episode (I guess Jymn Magon was helping Tad in this series for some odd reason.) and the sled and tiny reindeer fly high into the moon (check the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM) as Gosalyn and Honker look confused as the segment ends fifteen and a quarter minutes in.
After the commercial break; we cut to the shot beside the bridge as the snow has seemed to stop and the roads are bare. Okay; what kind of crack snow plowing team is in Saint Canard?! Anyhow; the flying sled is still flying like gravity has taken a turn for the worse. This is one funky gravity dudes and dudettes. The sled flies in front of the clock tower of course as we cut to the Truck as it reaches it's destination of the Christmas Tree Lot. I guess the GREENHOUSE OF HELL was destroyed by the sheer force of Drake's voice to be so. Bushroot comes out looking like a funny Grinch (The Live Action Version wishes it had the heat of Bushroot let alone the original animated Grinch.) as he cuts the DARKWING...DUCK promo wrong and of course here comes Drake Mallard with the sled heading straight towards him. Thankfully; the Christmas trees (with only the yellow gifts left in their paws) are smart enough to run away and allow the babyfaces to successfully crash into the truck with a sick MAN-SIZED BUMP into the truck. Kind of like Waleg's article which reads like such satire that I'll be very surprised if Wii Bingo fans don't get every possible line in Bingo covered. I mean this is the mother lode of all lashing out on Wii. Maybe the most unintentionally funny article you will EVER read. I'll put a link on my Livejournal after this rant is posted so you can laugh your butt off of how REALLY STUPID it really is.
The babyfaces recover after getting buried in a heap of snow and broken truck parts as Launchpad comments on seat belts and Drake panics and yells at Gosalyn to stop which means it's time for Gosalyn to MURDER Drake with the snowmobile. I check the DVD and damn I'm good as the Rat Snowmobile is intact amazingly enough. Apparently; Gosalyn's amazing crash off-screen (complete with cheesy impact stars) causes presents to rain from the sky as they somehow kept Gosalyn, Honker and everyone from being seriously injured in any way. Now there is goofy fuzzy cartoon logic if I ever saw one. Gosalyn loves the presence of these OUT OF NOWHERE gifts and I bet Drake will somehow threaten Gosalyn to prevent her from OPENING them. And of course Drake prevents Gosalyn from opening presents because it's better to give than take so says Drake. If you want to see hypocrisy in action; watch Drake Mallard.
Gosalyn blows it off as another bad Christmas tradition and I agree. Being hypocritical is a bad tradition that needs to go away; but that would mean the official end of..say it with me.. the Self-Righteous Paranoid Defenders of Christmas and their greedy money grubbing ways. Drake gives LP, Gosalyn and Honker the fake beards and orders them to return the gifts because giving gifts is something that makes you feel good. Oh how sweet of him. I'm sure poor people are truly HAPPY to here that one as Drake finds the giant tree shears and wants to do some tree trimming. HOLY CRAP?! WHERE DOES HE FIND THESE SHARP OBJECTS?! AND HOW DOES HE MANAGE TO FIT THEM INTO HIS SUIT WITHOUT KILLING HIMSELF?! I WANT TO KNOW...WWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYY?! Whew...I'm better now; let's continue on shall we?
We head to the top of the snowy building as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM finally decides to annoy me almost seventeen minutes in. Oh great; and this ruins the great groove this episode was getting into as well. Leave it to Drake to find a way to screw with this episode too; as usual. Drake slides down the pipes with the magnifying glass and thankfully Bushroot is RIGHT THERE to screw him with the CHRISTMAS LIGHT LASSO OF BANE TO ALL FULL OF HIMSELF DUCKS EVERYWHERE. And of course Drake is REALLY STUPID as he takes an ultra wussy bump into the wall while cutting his usual full of himself promo. Come on Sun Woo; throw me a good bone here you REALLY STUPID animation studio?! Thankfully; the Christmas Light Lasso attaches to Drake's beak and Drake is properly shut up hopefully for good. Yeah; it's wishful thinking, but I can dream can't I?! Drake is pulled towards Bushroot and he STILL manages to cut a full of himself promo. For God's sake Drake: SHUT UP when your beak is tied up. Logic Break #7 for the episode and the second one I don't accept.
Oh man; this episode is falling faster than Howard Stringer's chances for PlayStation 3 to sell 11 million units by the end of the calender year. Bushroot does help the episode by calling Drake's full of himself promos hyperbole. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake manages to untie the lasso from his mouth and invokes the gas gun on Reggie and tells him basically to suck gas more or less. Bushroot backs off because he'll upset Douglas. If he's referring to Shane; I don't think he should be worried about the mere gas gun. Now if it's Ric Flair's BROOMSTICK OF DOOM; or Shawn Michael's black kettle then Drake should REALLY BE WORRIED now. Reggie of course introduces Douglas Fir who just happens to be the leader of the Christmas tree army. Drake is so screwed (check the reflection off Drake's eyes) as Douglas walks towards Drake and Drake does an annoying smile to annoy me (which is fitting at least) plus wave to Douglas. Douglas invokes the needle branch swipe and Drake goes sailing stage right and takes a MAN-SIZED bump right off his face right on the icy road (or ice rink depending on your point of view of course). And he also takes a slightly wussier bump into the candy cane pole which bends like it was soften by heat.
I didn't know Drake had enough warmness in his body to do that. At least Sun Woo's spot screwing has been little in this episode as Douglas continues to stalk Drake Mallard. Bushroot pops out of the top and grabs the NINJA CHRISTMAS STAR OF DEATH and then drops down declaring that he's going to decorate the duck (codeword: Kill) and then Douglas takes the YELLOW NINJA STAR OF DEATH and throws it at Drake with great neck speed. Drake scatters like a scalded dog and runs to the fire hydrant and hides behind it. Darn it! I was hoping it was a puppy so Dave THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS would look like an even bigger sissy when he hid behind one and was cribbing Drake ideas to boot. This is closer though; I admit as the YELLOW NINJA STAR OF DOOM bounces off the hydrant and the metal cracks a bit. Take one guess what the defeat method will be in this one?
Drake pops up and thanks the water department by acting REALLY STUPID and kissing the frozen hydrant. His beak sticks to it of course in case you didn't figure it out. Now that is funny and if this doesn't shut him up than Drake truly is the devil incarnate. And Drake proves to be such as even being frozen to a freakin fire hydrant doesn't shut him up. Bushroot calls out his army of Christmas trees and tell them to Deck the Duck with Everything You've Got. Okay; that was funny They throw decorations (mostly red globes, candy canes and yellow ninja stars) at Drake and Drake tries to run away while his beak is stuck and all of them MISS him. I guess Douglas Fir's are not ninja specialists after all. Hanna Barbera running and looping sound effect manages to break the fire hydrant away from the ground. Now you know you are watching a classic. Drake falls into a snowbank and somehow MISSES the snowman that is clearly IN FRONT OF HIM. Logic Break #8 for the episode; but that was was pretty funny so I'll accept it. Even funnier is that the Fire Hydrant has become Drake's new mask for Saint Hallows Eve. Nice to see Drake getting ahead of himself when it comes to holiday cheer.
He sneezes and the fire hydrant is warm enough for it to blow right off his kisser. I've been proven wrong again as usual. Drake blows off the trees and they respond with more throwing to shut him up and force Drake behind the snowman. I wonder if Dave is taking notes here and thinking that this equates to having him hide behind a puppy in the annals of bad hiding spots? More throwing as one clangs off the shovel; so Drake disguises himself as a snowman and walks to defend himself from the BARRAGE OF CHRISTMAS WRATH! Bushroot protests this breaking of DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS! I've been waiting for ages to do that joke!) and Drake doesn't care as he invokes the shovel and deflects the running water right into the army of Christmas trees and they freeze solid by the northwest wind. OH MY GOD! I was right all along. (Jumps up and dances like Homer Simpson!) I AM SO SMART! I AM SO SMART! SMRT..I MEAN SMART!
Bushroot cries out as his tree army is frozen to death and Bushroot runs like a scalded dog as apparently ice is also another weakness. No wonder Bushroot was seen as a henchmen. Bushroot cuts an awesome frozen vegetable as he get nailed with the ice cannon which Sun WOO somehow manages to screw up slightly and Bushroot slides on the ice like a frozen ASS-PARAGUS. GET IT?! I'm sure you do and let's not say anymore than what is already said. Drake then appears right in front of Bushroot on the edge of the lake and he slaps the handcuffs on Bushroot to wrap up this case and then cuts his usual full of himself promo using as many plant puns as he can fit within a ten second period which is only two of course. Well; at least Drake Mallard didn't bury Bushroot this time; and it was really fun while it lasted. However; I fear something awful is going to happen as we got about three minutes left. So....
We cut back to outside Honker's house as we see the truck sitting in front of the house and the babyfaces minus Drake sitting there all glum and sad. Drake asks why since all the gifts are returned and Bushroot is...in jail. Launchpad explains that only the Muddlefoot's gifts are missing and Honker feels down and out. Gosalyn then acts all selfish because her gifts are still here. Oh for goodness sakes guys; don't end this episode with pathos. You're NOT going to beat Molly's performance in Jolly Molly Christmas. Get over it and end the episode now! Drake wonders what to do as Honker slides down and seems to be taking it awfully well. See; this is why they shouldn't try pathos because Honker should be crying his cries out here and he's not trying to here. This makes the whole scene look quite lame. Honker goes into the house without even bothering to show much emotion and closes the door. Drake feels bad for Honker; but Gosalyn blows Drake off because he's not poor as long as there are friends. Wow; Gosalyn's turn around is so unconvincing for some reason. Maybe because she sounds a lot more selfish than Kit EVER was. We cut to inside the adult Muddlefoot's room as Binky and Herb are asleep together. If this was the 1950's; television would show them sleeping separately which would make no sense at all.
The bells ring and Herb (in his ultra cute pink nightgown no less) wakes up and declares that Santa Claus is here. Tank Muddlefoot is up already and he has EVIL intentions (which I'm actually feeling good about since he should be driving those intentions to the writers) runs up to the fireplace sets the bear trap on the brick floor. Tank is trying to keep this ending from becoming a sappy mess but it isn't working. Tank smirks like the devil incarnate; but Drake Mallard breaks the Santa Claus tradition by going through the window to outsmart Tank. Oh come on! Not only does this assure that we don't get any FUNNY business; this contradicts Drake Mallard's point which he had been driving home throughout this episode. Tank agrees with me as he protests this outrage; but Drake whacks him with the sack to bowl him over. And of course; the only truly funny spot they had backfires as Tank lands on the bear trap right in the can and he jumps right out of the chimney. And that's it for ANY hope of a funny ending. Tank gets stuck in the chimney and it ceases being funny. Honker is watching from the staircase like a morn as Binky comes down along with Herb. Drake cheers with them with Merry Christmas as Gosalyn and LP look on from the window. Honker hugs Drake as he hands out the gifts. And we cut to outside Drake Mallard's house as Launchpad, Santa Drake and Gosalyn talk and exchange notes while acting as sappy as humanly possible.
Drake give Gosalyn a noogie for being so selfless despite it being the most unconvincing turn I have seen so far in DTVA history. Gosalyn thanks her dad for it as Launchpad goes to the door and there's Gosalyn's new sled on the side of the door and Launchpad claims that it is from Santa Claus. Gosalyn is so happy as she grabs the sled and turns back into selfish Gosalyn as she rides down the gentle hill made by the snow. And of course they do the old: Did you get her that spot and Drake thinks for a moment and then denies that it's Santa. And of course Drake changes his mind once again calling it a Christmas tradition as we cue to the moon shot as Santa and his reindeer fly into the moon. We then get the shot of Gosalyn returning with the sled; Santa hoing and Tank complaining to Santa to help him as we cut to the SNOWY STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM to end the episode at 21:12. Oh man; I was ready to give this a near ***** episode with a few logic breaks and little spot blowing and then they chose to give us a cop out finish by giving us a sappy dramatic ending that didn't work because it was done much better last year by a certain Molly Cunningham, Kit Cloudkicker, Rebecca Cunningham, Baloo, Louie and the best writer DTVA ever had Libby Hinson. Again as I said before; I wanted a fun episode and you delivered it for 19 minutes; but you ruined it by giving us pathos for the remaining 2 minutes. Nice going guys. **** (80%)
THE REVIEW LINE
Remember what I said about Cartoon Duck Syndrome rearing its ugly head?! Well; it didn't rear it's head in this one. For nineteen minutes strong this episode was a fun ride with few mistakes and lots of excellent moments from Bushroot. Up to this point; Reggie had been reduced to being a henchmen for the Fearsome Four because Drake buried him with his antics. However; Reggie stood up for himself and much better writing also helped him become a pretty effective and funny heel. This is the Bushroot I remember; not the guy who Drake Mallard buried into the ground in some greedy attempt to get screen time; but one who was cunning and calculating despite being very weak to fire, cutting and ice judging by his demise. Also; he built a lot of sympathy heat for me since he was trying to shop for gifts and everyone ruined him because he's a plant duck that no one understands. He look like a sad heel who I can get behind in sympathy pains rather than a mere schemer henchmen like he was in Easy Comes, Easy Grows; or the worst of the Fearsome Five in Just As Justice Ducks and Darkwing Doubloon with a few good moments and little else. Everyone else was on; even the minor character were selling properly to Bushroot which was a huge problem in Nightmare of the Living Spud.
As great as this episode was; the writers sadly ruined it by not ending the episode after Bushroot was defeated and adding on a tacky subplot of Honker losing his gifts in order to build pathos that were non-existent throughout this episode; and were a waste of time since there was absolutely ZERO chance of them even coming close to surpassing Jolly Molly Christmas and Libby Hinson in the emotion and drama department. Tank's little evil attempt was fine; but the ending was played as pathos rather than comedy and that little comedy was at Tank's expense which wasn't that funny since he cannot perform physical comedy spots like Drake could and it ended up being just a sappy mess to set up Gosalyn getting her gift from Santa which was pretty contrived and forced. Not to mention contradict Drake's own rules of Christmas Tradition in order to outsmart Tank.
The ending prevented a near perfected episode because the writers tried to force pathos in an episode that was merely supposed to be a fun ride. As I stated before: There is NO WAY IN HELL that you will EVER....AND THE ROCK MEANS EVER beat the pathos that Jolly Molly Christmas did. And since this is supposed to be a comedy show where pathos are secondary; it was pointless to try that in the middle of the most wonderful season of them all. This is a perfect example of trying to do something as an afterthought which ruined the great groove that this episode was getting into. Well; at least Bushroot finally got most of his heat back as a heel and quite frankly after seeing him get buried time and time again by Drake; I can at least take that as a good thing from this episode.
Thumbs up for this episode (but it could have been so much more) and I'll see you all next time.
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