Return to 50 Webs

Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.

Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.

A Duck By Any Other Name

Reviewed: 03/05/2008

Proof that Drake is REALLY STUPID!!

Why yes folks; this is the second episode involving Drake using Launchpad as a Darkwing Decoy.. and this is the second time the people of Saint Canard bought into the fact that LP was Darkwing Duck. Let the pain commence as they say.....

The episode is written by Pat Corcoran (making her second appearance in this series believe it or not. I am wrong again!) and the story editor is Tad Stones. This is the first episode done by Walt Disney France in solo mode (I think because lord knows if they get slapped again like they did in Double Darkwings which so happened to have the Darkwing Decoy in that one.)

We begin this one inside the museum as two dog guards are protecting the glass case containing The Canard Duckling which is a huge diamond in the shape of a duck. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Then the door gets blasted open and the pink smoke cloud goes into the scene. In comes Tuskerinni wearing a Darth Vader outfit that is so bad that George Lucas should sue Disney just for the hell of it. The dog guards are SHOCKED as the PENGUINS OF DOOM arrive wearing the astronaut suits. I would be inclined to do Kenny Blankenship's joke of Ass-tronaut as a running joke for this rant; but MXC is pretty much dead as a series and I'm sure most news viewers would not want to get the joke. Tusker Vader calls for the stun beams as the police officers go for the pistol heat; but the penguins invoke the double mallet right in the head. Hey; two nice shots from them and excellent selling by the officers as they drop dead. Tusker calls for the cut and print as he takes off his mask and then does the Moon Landing spot and promo towards the diamond for some obvious cheap heel heat. He grabs the Canard Duckling from the case and somehow no alarm was tripped.

Some security they have here. Whomever thought this place was a good idea is a...Oh wait; I forgot that everyone is more stupid than Drake is. My mistake as usual as Tusker sneaks to the door harping about his crimes being put on film and being worth more than the stuff he steals. I guess the creators envisioned Tusker as one of that guys who gets desensitized by movies and goes out to commit crimes. Must be one of those mocking things against movies even though it clearly had no effect on animation's buy rate nor movie's buy rate either. He laughs at the popcorn bath and then Drake's voice starts laughing. This must be an early episode if Drake is not cutting his promo beforehand. Sources say this was the 6th episode in production (although it is 52nd episode I'm ranting on and around the 50th episode in the DVD timeline) so that would explain the CONTINUITY ERROR. Besides; I hate Drake acting like a heel two minutes into an episode. And we look up as Drake invokes the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 1:53..

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the feathery phantom that haunts your nightmares!

Is that the same guy who haunts Kit Cloudkicker at night? If so; then it was Drake Mallard who has been turning Kit white as a sheet at night. If you don't know where this going; consider yourselves lucky. Tusker and his penguins run away exit stage right. That would be a bad rib on Snagglepuss by the way. Sadly; Drake blocks the exits; so the escape is rejected as usual. He runs away stage left and that is blocked by the smoke cloud and Drake appears giving us logic break #1 for the episode. Tuskerinni is fearful of the obvious logic break and then everyone scatters. Drake then cuts his full of himself promo and goes for the radio pencil to tell Launchpad...ERRR...The DARKWING..DECOY to head off his gang while Drake gets Tuskerinni. For crying out loud guys; why are you doing this stupid idea again?! It was awful the first time around and it's just as bad now. Launchpad runs into the hallway as we head outside as the PRESS TRUCK OF FRAUD arrives at the sidewalk. This is the first time we get to see Tom Lockjaw live rather than inside a television set. He also has his trusty microphone just in case he needs to speak into something that resembles an ugly philiac symbol. Yeah; I went there. I need something to amuse me for the crap that is sure to follow. And did Tom's voice change; or is he using his normal human voice just to allow the writers to have some cheap joke.

We see someone on the roof so Tom tells the camera man to crank the camera up. He sells it and the camera grip rises to the roof as we clearly see Tuskerinni on the roof running away; but it is blocked by Drake. UH OH! I do not like where this is going after reading the summary for this episode. Drake then invokes the gas gun and it's fires towards Tusker and misses him by a foot. However; it sprinkles the JOCK ITCH BOMB OF SLIGHT PAIN AND SUFFERING onto him as it was clear that Drake didn't miss after all. Tusker is such an idiot and he scratches himself good as he throws the Canard Duckling into the air which allows Drake to invoke the plunger gun to snag the Canard Duckling away. We cut over to Tom inside the truck who is watching on the television monitor loving this and realizing that this isn't a stunt at all. Now remember this for later because apparently the writers didn't as we head into the hallway as Launchpad is chasing the penguins into the closet complete with the Hanna Barbera running sound and looping effect. Yeah; let's do a perfect Scooby Doo chase sequence tribute that NO ONE CARES ABOUT! And of course; the penguins shut the door and DARKWING...DECOY takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the door.

That door must be made of iron and about three feet thick in order to make THAT sound. At least the door doesn't look like wood here. LP is on his seat as he adjusts his cape to see again and then wonders how DW does this. Well; he becomes REALLY STUPID and does the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION WEBFOOT KICK OF DEATH on the door to knock it down..and of course LP does something even more stupid than he: Cut his full of himself promo which allows the penguins knock down the door and squash LP flatter than a pancake as they escape on Tusker's UFO ship. Okay; that was funny and it actually made sense...sort of. They whiz through the rooms as we head back to the roof as Drake points the gas gunsquare in the kisser at Tuskerinni. Now I understand why Disney keeps editing this show: The babyface points a gun at the criminal which is bad according to parent groups. Which doesn't make sense since the heels don't care if Drake was pointing a rattle. Watch dub Shaman King for that spot and you'll swear that you will never stop laughing.

Sadly; Tusker gets the curtain call and the penguins use the UFO to nail Drake good and Drake is riding UFO so to speak. Drake slips and is forced onto the ledge of the roof for the dramatic free fall which Tom notices in the truck on the television (first death reference in the episode) and he calls it a prime time special. If only TaleSpin got that; it may have gotten over as a serious animation threat to FOX's The Simpsons. However; it was marketed to children despite being better off marketed as a true family show. This shows how little confidence Michael Eisner really had and it showed how Cartoon Duck Syndrome ruined the best of plans. Drake struggles to get up; but apparently he's too sluggish as he is forced back into the original position as Tusker arrives to do the always stupid remove fingers from ledge spot. Sorry guys; but once Don Karnage threw Kit Cloudkicker 10,000 feet plus off an air ship with no air foil to save him, this makes Tusker look really weak. And he cuts a promo while Drake justs stays there to make it even more so.

At least Tusker made it quick and painless by stomping on the fingers which forces Drake to scream and hand his hands in Warner Brothers fashion so it wasn't a total write off. Nice animation from Walt Disney France as Drake waves goodbye and then free falls in funny dramatic fashion as his face wraps around the sidewalk flag pole and he's forced up. No; really. I'm as shocked as you are. Tusker does his Shakespeare (I still cannot believe I spelled that one right without Spell Check) promo while bowing in the worst time to be doing that spot and Drake pops up to cut his full of himself promo. He then does the web kick which misses the ship by five feet; but the power of suggestion spins the UFO around and the Canard Duckling is in Drake's hand as he lands on the roof without any trouble. Oh man; this is like they are doing the worse of Double Darkwings within four minutes of the episode. For goodness sakes; MAKE CONTACT WITH THE DAMN SHIP DRAKE! The spinning finally stops and now Tusker does his mean face to show that he is SERIOUS BABEE! NOT!

Tusker rides the UFO and he is stopped by the REALLY STUPID POLICE coming down from the street so Tusker decides to wait for act 2 and ride away stage right. The police sirens blare as Tom Lockjaw comes out of the truck and bullies his cameraman about getting it all on tape. I guess he went down when the fireworks started getting too heavy. No logic break there I suppose as we cut back to the roof as Drake blows off Launchpad who magically got onto the roof on the side of the roof where the cameraman could see him OUT OF NOWHERE. Logic break #2 for the episode as Drake cuts his usual full of himself promo because ego trips are his game. He also does the throat clearing spot to annoy me some more. This episode is going to be painful; I just know it. I was going to go to a meeting; but the roads are icy as hell due to the ice storm that happened last night. Launchpad apologizes and then turns around and takes off his mask as Drake forgives him because no one expects him to be DARKWING..DUCK. Nice motivation there Drake as Drake does his VOICEOVER OF DOOM while acting like a vampire. Yeah; almost all the bane elements are in place just five minutes in.

All we need is the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM and we are all set for an awful episode to come. Then we go to the split screen as Gosalyn appears in Drake's house near the lamp wearing a football helmet. Okay; this could be entertaining as Gosalyn dares Drake to tackle him and runs away as Drake misses by a mile and hits the rug as Gosalyn goes upstairs. We then see Launchpad sitting down on the sofa (which is blue now) and uses the remote control to turn on the television. He wants to watch Pelican's Island which makes him the most over person in the episode. Drake and Gosalyn chase each other around the living room as LP watches the television like most people did in 1992 as we get to hear the audio in this one. I guess WD-France has never watched Gillian's Island judging by the lack of seeing the show on television. More chasing from Drake and Gosalyn (Gosalyn jumps onto the sofa in a neat spot) and then Drake is on the left side of the television in sneak mode as we finally get to see the show in action which shows two ducks against a pink board background which shows that WD-France NEVER watched the show that it was parodied.

Too bad as Drake nearly has Gosalyn; but Gosalyn jumps to escape his grasp. The chase sequence is more entertaining than the show so that why I am not referring to it. Thankfully; Tom Lockjaw interrupts the proceeding because he has a special news bulletin. It's pretty much the announcement that DARKWING...DUCK has foiled a robbery attempt by Tuskerinni which automatically makes Drake stop chasing Gosalyn because let's face it; Drake has an ego to maintain and parenting is still second on his mind. Drake and Gosalyn jump onto the sofa and we see footage from earlier in the episode showing Drake using the gas gun on Tuskerinni. Drake is loving this as we see more footage of Drake's face swinging move on the flag pole and the kick which is still blown by WD-France as Gosalyn cheers him on while doing her POP CULTURE TALK OF DOOM while taking off the helmet. Drake jumps onto the floor and kisses his hand in a really silly spot as the Tom continues talking because Channel 3 Excitement News (Or Perverted News to everyone else of course) has exclusive news of the unmasking of DARKWING...DUCK which causes Drake to panic because it would ruin him.

And they of course show Launchpad unmasked and they believe it's him. Memo to Tom: You are breaking your own logic here: You showed DARKWING..DUCK earlier and it's clear that Launchpad's beak is completely different than Drake's; LP has red hair (Drake has white); he's wearing goggles and he's at least two feet taller than Drake which you showed earlier. And I betcha a million dollars that everyone (except for Drake, Gosalyn, Honker and LP of course) in Saint Canard buys into this. I said this before and I'll say this again: This plot device of decoys only works if the decoy is the same as Drake and Fenton Crackshell and NegaDuck are the only two that can pull it off. Heck; NegaDuck has already tried this stunt and it worked rather well. Anyhow; Drake breathes a sight of relief because it's not him and then he yells like an idiot because they didn't film him. I was hoping this was a blow off for the obvious LOGIC BREAK OF DAMNATION; but it was just Drake's ego trip playing on me again so he's screwed. Launchpad wonders if they got his good side and Drake blows that off as if LP was a heel. LP blows him off for being sore since it wasn't his fault. HUH?! Explain that logic kids?! Drake apologizes as he is relieved because his secret is still safe.

Drake then goes to the door as apparently there was a knock on the door; but I didn't hear it. Bad form there sound guys. Drake gets into the perfect position to allow himself to be squashed into the door and it opens allowing Drake to take the MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON into the wall. And because the writers somehow hate me despite not knowing me; they do the Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot to further annoy me. Oh; and it's Herb and Binky as they give kudos to Launchpad for being DARKWING...DUCK. Yeah; they are that dense; but it works here at least. The rest of Saint Canard however; it is tragic. Herb shakes LP's hand and they exchange notes as Binky suggest wearing peach which would make Darkwing Duck look less gay I do admit. Drake in mad and goes towards the Muddlefoots in an angry like fashion; but Gosalyn stops him because he cannot tell them his secret. Drake recoils and heads to the door thinking that this will all be forgotten.

Silly old Drake; this is CDS writing we are talking about here and of course the PRESS OF FRAUD runs in and runs over Drake Mallard like a stampede inside a house. Some of them look like weasels as they want LP to sign a movie deal with them. One of the dealers is a weasel who sounds like Rob Paulsen actually offers a five movie deal with Disney (which Disney Captions misses the five movie part of course). Careful there; Michael Eisner takes things way too personally for you to be doing that spot. Launchpad tries to explain that he isn't DARKWING..DUCK but no dice because the populace is MORE STUPID than Drake is. I win a million dollars for myself. Drake of course is flatter than Alexander the Grape and he pops his head to say that secrets stink. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.

Finally; the scene changer beckons (at the seven and a half minute mark) and it is morning time as we head to the kitchen. We pan over to the door as we see it open and in slumps Drake Mallard in his purple bathrobe with a tea cup and saucer as he whines for more coffee. Okay; that is the first too funny spot of the episode right there. He grabs the coffee kettle from the coffee maker and drinks it all off-screen. I guess drinking coffee on-screen is still a no-no in DTVA. Drake rises up to the window as the female voice from Hush, Hush Sweet Charleton returns as she shows the house of DARKWING..DUCK now owned by Launchpad McQuack. Drake opens the front door and he sees a fair opened up right on his front lawn as the kids are having fun at Drake's expense.

Second too funny spot of the episode as Drake gets steamed which is also pretty funny. Wow; Pat might just save this episode after all...or maybe not. Drake then chases every paying customer out with his TIGER EGO OF DOOM and everyone runs and hide like a bunch of scalded dogs. All except for Gosalyn and Honker who so happen to be manning the booth featuring the Darkwing Duck Launchpad T-Shirts. 1:1 odds that this was Gosalyn's idea. 4:1 odds that it was Launchpad's idea. 8:1 odds that this was Drake's idea and we secretly don't know that. Drake blows off Gosalyn for being a traitor along with Honker getting off another Shakespeare reference which is uncommon for a DTVA episode. Gosalyn defends her actions and Drake blows it off with another funny line....

Drake: Do I have “stupid” stamped on my beak?!

I was hoping that Gosalyn would take the stamper and stamp stupid on his beak for funny symbolism; but that apparently is too violent even for Disney as we cut to the MOTEL MALL OF DOOM as Launchpad's fans (about 200 of them) are lined up outside. See he is opening up the new mall which is stupid because it's the SAME MALL from Whiffle While You Work which I ranted on earlier. Then again; this is the sixth episode in production so the CONTINUITY ERROR is forgivable. Launchpad has the scissor as he's about to open the mall; but he doesn't want to because he's not DARKWING..DUCK. Saint Canard of course no sells because mentally ill children have a million times more intelligence than these losers denizens. Yeah; that was cold and heartless, but it's also true. How can anyone with an IQ of more than 12 believe that LP is DARKWING..DUCK when we clearly saw Drake as DARKWING..DUCK IN THE SAME FOOTAGE about thirty seconds BEFORE the unmasking? LP decides that there is nothing he can do to change their minds so he cuts the ribbon to the new mall as we pan up to the tallest skyscraper as we see Drake (as DARKWING..DUCK) on top proclaiming that he'll put an end to all of this nonsense right now.

Somehow; I just realized that this episode is going to get a lot more stupid now. Drake looks around for some crime to prove that he isn't DARKWING..DUCK and see two punk kids trying to break and enter. Drake flies down and uses the cape floating move because gravity has taken a holiday today. He grabs the punks and ties them up to the ground. The punk kids protest because they forgot their kids and he didn't want to wake up their mother. Drake blows them off because they are wearing punk outfits and therefore are goths and should be pitied and shunned. Nice going there Pat; you basically created the justification for people like them to shoot up their schools after getting bullied. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Drake is thankfully near an open window and their mother's LONG LAW OF THE ROLLING PIN LAW absolutely MURDERS Drake with the rolling pin. Atta girl!! Drake sells like he is punch drunk. He stumbles and slurs his speech (which is a no-no in anime dubs by the way) and he falls over the ledge and takes an off-screen wussy bump into the dumpster. We know this because garbage flies up into the air when the bump takes place.

Scene changer and we head to a worker pulling the rope in front of an brick apartment building as two dog furries are grabbing televisions and coming out of the door. That logically leads to the smoke cloud and here comes Drake calling them out for stealing. Yeah; Drake doesn't even notice that they are wearing moving gear and green overalls with matching green hats. Apparently; matching outfits are a sign that you are a gang member in Drake's world. Which is pretty much like America now. Drake then does his lame karate moves and destroys everything including the television sets. I was hoping the toxic fumes would kill him so he could stop being REALLY STUPID; but no dice. He then starts threatening Tiny with the gas gun and tells him to reach for the sky or suck gas. The mover teases for a moment and then lets go of the rope and raises his arm into the sky; which allows the fridge to squash Drake once again. That would be the fourth time Drake has been squashed by the fridge I should note.

Nice bump from WD-France as the movers open the door and Drake wheels himself out looking like a wheel cube. HAHA! Scene changer and we head to the roof as Drake is wrapped up like a mummy and has the crutch in one of those symbolic moments on the writers infliction with Cartoon Duck Syndrome. Drake whines about the city being devoid of crime and looks over and sees something he likes. So he ditches the bandages and he's all right and no selling any of his injuries. How about that?! Logic Break #3 for the episode as he dives down and sees and old lady sheep (okay that is really different) wearing light violet coat and a purple headscarf dropping a chocolate bar wrapping onto the sidewalk near a bus stop. That is enough for Drake to swoop down and call her out for littering remembering to call her scum in the process. You know this episode sucks when Pat thinks a littering spot is going to be seen as funny. Drake gives her the thumbs down and calls her a litterbug and no crime goes unpunished. So she whacks him with the purple purse and it's a good shot that MAKES CONTACT. Drake sells it like he is drunk of course and drops dead as the LONG ARM OF THE LAW grabs him and that logically leads to Drake being thrown in jail. Drake takes a wussy bump inside for his troubles as Drake goes over to protest this outrage and then the bunch of males tell him off as we cut over to their jail cell (I think; this scene is messed up for some reason) to see various furries wearing DARKWING..DUCK outfits.

Too funny and I'm glad that Pat was able to at least pay off the contrived joke earlier with something good. Scene changer leads to the abandoned cinema as we head inside to see Tuskerinni in his directors chair blowing off DARKWING..DUCK for giving away is identity and sadly he thinks that he is Launhpad despite the fact that he saw DARKWING..DUCK before and looked NOTHING like Launchpad. That just kills Tusker's heat as he gets the phone book and flips through the pages and finds LP's number in the phone book. The penguins give him the telephone and Tuskerinni dials the numbers which ends up at Drake's residence as Gosalyn grabs the telephone and calls in on behalf of McQuack Productions and says babe to annoy me. This of course creates the split screen as Tusker and Gosalyn exchange notes as Gosalyn screws him because they are booked solid for the next two weeks. So Gosalyn is trying to be heelish here and it's not working. Tuskerinni tells her not to bother as an old friend will show up anyway and says goodbye to her. Tuskerinni slams the phone down and gets up because it's time for a new script. This will be a comedy called The Destruction of DARKWING..DUCK. He sits back down and laughs badly to officially end the segment almost 12 minutes in. This has been a rough road so far....

After the commercial break; we head back inside the cinema as Tuskerinni goes behind the change curtain and changes into an air pilot because that will counter an air head. It's sad and tragic when Tuskerinni is the ONLY ONE who gives a tribute to TaleSpin. He does the MAN-SIZED bump jump onto the ground to force the point that he is TOO FAT and then asks for a jelly D'OHNUT which looks an apple fritter. The penguins gives it to him and Tusker takes a bite out of it pushing jelly right into the penguins' kisser. Yeah; that will get him over as a monster heel...NOT! Tusker continues to beat his sugar fry roll which spills jelly all over the address which is 537 Avian Way. Yeah; it's the invasion of inserting bird names into everything which started in Ducktales. How else can you explain the catchphrase Quackeroonie!

Of course Tusker gets jelly over the seven so it reads 539 Avain Way instead. Yeah; criminal eating sucks go figure. Tusker then tells them to make airplane noises as the penguins sell while grabbing the dynamite. Okay; that was pretty cute as we return to jail as one of the police officers opens the door and lets Drake out. Drake blows them off and they don't throw him back in jail.. See; Launchpad has arrived and his presence allows the police officers inside to act stupid of course since they think LP is DARKWING...DUCK. Gosalyn is here wearing her greasy green cap which shows who's idea this was. She calls this good PR see which is silly considering that LP isn't DARKWING..DUCK and even LP knows it. Gosalyn of course takes the money from the police officer who buy the EGO TRIP photos just to annoy Drake even more. Drake of course punishes me by doing the Gruffi pose. Scene changer and we head into the sky above Saint Canard as Tuskerinni and his penguins are flying in the red baron plane. For goodness sakes Tusker; use a freaking car! This is completely out of place in this era. Then again; there are two reasons why this happens...[1.] Everyone in Saint Canard thinks a lot worse an a child with a mental illness and [2.] Tad Stones likes taking shots at TaleSpin. Why? No one knows; not even me.

Tuskerinni cuts a Gipper promo and then prints that one as he asks the penguins (the one with the address) where Drake's house is. The penguins looks down and finds 539 on the sidewalk trim side which has got to be the stupidest place to put it due to all that wear and tear throughout the years. Penguins give Tusker the signal and Tusker seays Excellent and tells them to roll camera in a giddy way. This is going to be fun for me to mock as they spiral down towards the ground. We cut down to ground level at the BBQ OF DOOM to see Herb attending to the BBQ which is spitting flames while Binky arrives with the burgers and buns. WHAT IN THE HELL DID HERB USE TO GET THAT BBQ TO SPIT FLAMES LIKE THAT?! And where can I get some? That would be a perfect prank to deliver in the summer time. Herb wants Binky to give him one of those buns so he can toast it for her and Binky give him one. Herb puts it on the BBQ OF DOOM and it smokes so badly that they get the BLACKFACE OF DOOM. UH OH! Now you know that you are watching uncut Darkwing Duck as we head back to the place as it is turned upside down and the penguins do the acrobat spot to place the dynamite (The same prop from Water Way To Go I should point out.) and throws it into the window which breaks the glass and it's STONE COLD, STONE COLD, STONE COLD. Ooops; wrong show as we cut down to the BBQ because Herb has heard something.

Wow; this guy has got some selective hearing there. He flips the burger and the dynamite explodes right on cue destroying the house big time. Now you would think that even Herb would realize that it was a bomb; but he goes over to his wife and asks her if she put tin foil in the microwave. Classic dense Herb Muddlefoot; what can I say?! Great bump and good animation from WD-France so at least the animation part has not been the problem in this episode. And right on cue; we see the station wagon (which is blue now) as Drake (still wearing his DARKWING..DUCK outfit) notices the house and blows off Herb's BBQ's skills. Yeah; you're in a bad mood and you try to bury Herb; how manly of you Drake. Launchpad goes into the house as the telescope shows up from the airplane and Tusker MURDERS the penguins for bombing the wrong house calling them as many movie definitions as possible. Now that's the making of a good heel: Always blame the henchmen for screwing up despite the fact that you're eating created the wrong address in the first place. Tusker then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he uses the telescope and sees Gosalyn and Honker going into the house. Well; this is CONTINUITY from Hush, Hush since he did try to kill Gosalyn and Honker before so they got that right. Tusker calls for a costume change and they ride the airplane stage right back to the cinema.

We head into the attic as Drake is already in there looking into the CHEST OF DEMONS for costumes as Launchpad does the annoying Gruffi pose and refuse to be DARKWING..DUCK because Drake is DARKWING..DUCK. Drake no sells because he was getting tired of the name (yeah right Drake) and is looking for a new identity which is far better than LP's. LP sits on another CHEST OF DEMONS pondering some scheme to get Drake screwed I do believe and quite frankly I don't blame him since he NEVER learns his lesson about burying people. We then see Drake go to the mirror and sees himself as the Midnight Mallard wearing Donald Duck's outfit; only in darker navy blue. Drake of course hates Donald and blows him off and walks stage left off-screen. You know something; this series needs a cameo from Donald Duck actually. Sadly; we NEVER got one because the writers thought Donald was TOO VIOLENT and TOO STUPID for their so call COMEDY series. Never mind that Donald was at his best when he was TOO VIOLENT and TOO STUPID which is saying something since he is ultra funny.

Launchpad decides to invoke MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #211: Call Tom Lockjaw and tell him that he's not Darkwing Duck. I have a better idea: SHOW HIM THE DAMN FOOTAGE AND COMPARE THEM. If that doesn't work; then Saint Canard is completely hopeless and therefore Drake should just leave them to die. As LP ponders his idea; Drake enters wearing a purple grim reaper suit which reveals a yellow clown suit with green dots. Oh yeah; that doesn't make Drake look gay at all; no siree! He calls himself the Mysterious Snickersnack which just makes it sounds funnier and gayer the more I see him. Drake slumps realizing that he just made himself look REALLY STUPID and LP proclaims that the plan won't work because the populace is more stupid than Drake is. Glad to see LP actually understanding this which actually makes him smarter than even Drake Mallard which is a sad commentary on Saint Canard all rolled into one.

Cape Suzette would be laughing at them and so would Duckberg for that matter. Drake then changes into a James Bond suit with red bow tie and calls himself James Pond. Rats! I knew that they would go there at some point. For reference: Double-O-Duck was in Ducktales with Launchpad as Double-O-Duck and was the template for the DARKWING..DUCK series as a whole. He's registered to thrill see as he shows an alcohol glass filled with water and an olive because real alcohol is a no-no on children's television. Sadly; this would fool parent groups into thinking that he was drinking alcohol so there you go. Launchpad calls it pretty silly. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake just looks annoyed by that remark of course because he's Drake. We cut to Gosalyn and Honker answering the door and that's the second time no knocking sound is heard. The door opens and Gosalyn goes flying off the nasty bump that she takes. Wow; a child finally took that shot that was pretty good.

Oh; and the camera director grip shows up to reveal Tuskerinni dressed up as Steven Spectacle (Steven Spielberg for those who don't get the joke here) and he's a great director. Well; in hindsight, Tiny Toons sucked the meat missile with gusto despite TT getting better ratings so I don't mind Steven getting mocked here (Note From The Future: I look really stupid in hindsight since Tiny Toons got better as the show went on; but the ratings were actually neck and neck with TaleSpin. It would have been a huge loss for Warner Brothers if Eisner wasn't mocking Bugs Bunny though.) . Gosalyn and Honker are sitting down as Gosalyn blows him off when Steven shows his calling card. She throws it into the paper pile which magically appears OUT OF NOWHERE and pretty much goes the same place. Steven stammers on that and then changes his cue because the movie he is making is about people around DARKWING...DUCK.

Wow; Tuskerinni is actually a visionary compared to those other losers. Gosalyn loves this because they get to become movie stars. Gosalyn goes to get Drake but Tuskerinni stops her by grabbing her sweater. Yeah; it's more Scooby Dooing from this episode by the sound effect guys and animators. Shame on WD-France for stooping to this low. Tusker doesn't want her to bother with the details and stuffs the RED MEGAPHONE OF JIMMY HARTS on her which SHOCKS Honker enough for the penguins to grab him and stuff him into a container inside the camera. I knew that camera was a fake; I just needed the evidence to prove it. The CRIMINALLY TALENTED MOVIE STARS OF DOOM exit the door in machine fashion as Tusker decides to change reels to end the segment over 15 and a half minutes in.

After the commercial break; we head to the cinema as Tusker enters in his regular attire and walks in towards the POPCORN MAKER OF DEATH. Cecil (as called by Tusker by the way which is pointless because they have no name tags to tell them apart) arrives with a tied up Honker and throws him into the big ass popcorn maker. Tusker then blows off the other two henchmen who have Gosalyn and she is dragged in kicking and screaming. Now that is the real Gosalyn Waddlemayer Mallard that I remember. None of that Pod Gos from some earlier episode where she plain gives up easily. Nice double feet right into the penguins' kisser and that one really MADE CONTACT. Gosalyn continues to blow them off because DARKWING..DUCK will rescue them. They still win and throw Gosalyn into the popcorn maker. Hey Chris; I think I found another spot where Disney changed the scene a little. I remember that the penguins had so much trouble trying to get Gosalyn in there that they took her shoes off to soften the blow. I guess it was in another episode because I swear that it was in this one.

Tusker blows them off because the Diamond Duck will be his again and DARKWING..DUCK will be a newsreel memory. Gosalyn and Honker look on in horror as we return to Drake's house and upstairs as Drake comes out with his new costume which is the Scarlet Bafflequack which is basically a red version of the Scarlet Pumpernickel which makes no sense since that was Drake's original inspiration for Darkwing Duck in the first place according to the writers. The purple mask clashes with the red just to make it worse. Drake wraps his cape which wraps him up into a Scarlet Wrap and he tumbles down the steps making sure he does some MAN-SIZED bumps on his head. Sadly; they are not as sick as the one Baloo did so he is screwed. Now Drake is the Red Rooster which was better suited for him than Terry Taylor. Vinnie Mac should have signed Drake up for that role in Wrestling For Dollars. Drake wonders where everyone is and Launchpad comes down apparently talking on the telephone upstairs (HUH?!) telling Drake that Herb and Binky called for Honker to return home for dinner.

Drake looks down and finds the popcorn bucket revealing the sad news because Tuskerinni has kidnapped the kids and the ransom note is inside. Launchpad grabs the bucket and reads the note which is the standard bring the diamond to the cinema if you ever want to see them alive. Worse of all; Drake knows that this is merely a trap to bait Launchpad into a death trap (death reference #2). Launchpad panics because he doesn't need a death traps and realizes that this job has drawbacks. He proclaims that this is the job for the real DARKWING...DUCK which is silly and pointless because LP never wanted to be DARKWING..DUCK in the first place. That spot just seems so contrived and forced. Notice how many times I have said that in this series and not about TaleSpin? Cartoon Duck Syndrome: It makes critics think a non-duck series is contrived and forced instead of the series that they are praising.

Drake then has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN and it of course involves the DARKWING...DECOY. Geez; what a shock?! Well; it cannot be any worse than what we have already seen in the 36 plus minutes we have seen using this stupid plot device. We head to the CINEMA OF DOOM as the doors open and in comes the DARKWING..DECOY (Launchpad of course) as he practices the fine art of not being seen and of course he blows it by throwing the smoke bomb to create smoke and then does the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 17:07...

Launchpad: Um...I am the tenor that sings in the night. I am salt that rots the underside of your car.

Oh boy! Drake is going to be mad after he finds out because that promo was AWESOME BABEE! The penguins unleash the flashback on LP to stop him of course because nothing defeats Dark Wing's like light. HAHA! Oh; and they are wearing matching soda jerk outfits; how cute! LP reveals the Canard Duckling and demands to know where the kids are which allows Tuskerinni to sneak in from behind; tell him that they are right behind him and then MURDERS LP with the cane which has the decency to make CONTACT. Drake sells it like he's drunk of course which is a recurring theme for this episode. Not to mention the bad impact star animation from WD-France. LP falls flat on his face and Tuskerinni tells him that he lied which is pointless since LP didn't turn around and therefore didn't see him.

Post-Production Glitch #1: Half second black slug as a scene changer. Whatever; let's move on.....

We head inside the room with the popcorn maker as LP is now tied up with the kids as Tuskerinni blows him off for giving him a glass Canard Duckling and then shatters it onto the floor. Tuskerinni then proclaims that he'll see the babyfaces fry as he twists the knob onto the popcorn popper and that starts the popcorn popper which sprays hot melted butter onto them and when it gets hot it will fry the feathers on them turning them into roasted duck. Wow; now there's a quality death trap and that should at least get Tuskerinni some of his heat back. Tuskerinni tips his hat on LP's final retirement and then the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons as Drake's voice blows him off for falling for such an obvious imitation.

Wow; Drake Mallard is the only adult in Saint Canard (LP is a man child for the sake of argument.) who gets it which shows how hopeless the denizens of Saint Canard are. Tuskerinni panics and then blows off LP as a ventriloquist. Oh for crying out loud Tusker; stop being so stupid and leave them to fry so you can stop Drake from succeeding. The Drake laugh makes it's second appearance as Tusker realizes that it is coming from the theater and they run inside. Finally; the heel gets it after nearly 40 minutes of stupidity. They open the door and we head to the stage where a projection of DARKWING..DUCK in on stage. Oh; look, it's the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM for real at 18:24...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night.

Tusker gets on stage and orders the penguins to check the projection booth but Drake blows him off and kicks him good right through the projection screen and into the first row of seat with a wussy bump. Which makes no sense since he was doing MAN-SIZED bumps to show that he is TOO FAT! These sound people need to know when to do the sound effects correctly and not for the hell of it. Tusker calls this all wrong as Drake finishes his promo. We head back to the popcorn maker as Launchpad explains the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN to Gosalyn and Honker to waste time. Sadly; he didn't think of a way to set them free which is downright contrived since it only serves to waste more time and the kids panic on that spot which doesn't sound all that panicky. We head back into the cinema as the penguin soda jerks go down towards the stage with the flashlight which Drake gleefully blows off.

So the penguins make an adjustment and they turn into nunchauks as Tusker tells them to shred his reels. Okay; that was pretty cute as Tusker is in a position that is too funny to mention. We cut back to the popcorn popper as Launchpad finally gets the plan and it is to eat their way out and he starts eating. Okay; that was funny as Gosalyn is not amused. She consults Honker on a plan and Honker has an answer which is that we need more popcorn in deadpan mode. Too funny as Gosalyn calls them madmen and then starts bullying Honker which would have been more effective if Gosalyn wasn't tied up. Honker explains that there is a popcorn bowl above the area where the melted butter and popcorn popper actually is and Honker wants to get enough popcorn to get that bucket into the melted butter in order to absorb the popcorn. The kids start to flop around as Gosalyn tells Launchpad to stop because they need more popcorn; not less. Thankfully; LP eats too much and then plops backwards with a decent bump. Well; let's return to seeing Tusker in a funny position again as he finally pops himself from the seats and lands on his can with another wussy bump. Tusker orders them to finish him off (pointless since they didn't beat down Drake at all to start with) as Drake has his gas gun out. The penguins get on stage with their FLASH NUKS OF DEATH swinging. Drake invokes the grappling gun and swings away allowing the penguins to basically MURDER themselves into a nasty penguin pile.

Drake hangs around as the popcorn popper is unstable enough that the popcorn bowl falls into the melted butter pan and that is enough to pop popcorn at a rapid rate and that breaks the glass and everyone surfs the ride in a popcorn wave. The animation was really off-model here as we return to Drake showing his lame karate moves near the door which is the perfect position to be swamped by the popcorn wave which storms right into the cinema. Drake pops out of the popcorn carnage spitting out popcorn as does Tusker and the penguins. Tusker uses himself as a raft and the penguins sit on him and they start rowing away. Memo to Tusker: Real heels don't be boats to henchmen. Just so that you would know. Launchpad starts swimming in the stuff to waste more time as Gosalyn pops out and proclaims that they have munchies for weeks. LP points out the obvious as Tusker rides away since they will escape to a film another day. Drake sits there because we then cut to see Tusker finally getting out of the popcorn wave and out the front doors right in front of Tom Lockjaw and the police officers. Curses! Foiled again as they say. Drake then appears on top of the doors complete with spotlight of doom and cuts his full of himself promo as he blows off Tuskerinni and buries him as the police handcuff him and the penguins. They throw him into the police truck and shut the door on this case. He then calls himself Mr. MacQuack and swings away like Tarzan as Launchpad (in regular clothes) along with Gosalyn and Honker climb out of the popcorn wave and out the door.

Tom Lockjaw starts panicking as he realizes that his special has been screwed big time and storms off like a scared puppy. Launchpad apologizes because he is not DARKWING..DUCK of course. Well; Saint Canard, you deserved every bit of what was coming to you (most so Tom Lockjaw) after making the OBVIOUS LOGIC BREAK OF DEATH. Launchpad explains that he was merely a citizen who was helping Darkwing Duck. He also remember to call the DARKWING..DECOY plan heinous which earns a ribbing from Drake as we see Gosalyn, Drake and LP sitting on the sofa in a darkened room in Drake's house. Tom Lockjaw looks really disappointed that his plans to unmask Drake were a failure. However; he gets over it because there is something more important to the denizens of Saint Canard: Ping-Pong and Wing-Ding the baby pandas. That's actually a better story since it doesn't break obvious logic see. The pandas show off their violent side by punching each other which I am SHOCKED AND APPALLED because Lost Horizons got taken off the air for such antics. Have they EVER heard of the Panda Anti-Defamation League?! Yeah; I went for the cheapshot from Toonzone on the praise of TaleSpin; but whatever.

Drake doesn't like it because they are not talking about him of course and does his promo before flopping onto the sofa. What a vain mallard this Drake fellow is?! Gosalyn blows him off because she's got a truckload of DARKWING..DUCK shirts left to sell. Launchpad then has a plan and that is to become one of the Pandas and Gosalyn loves it and gets off Keen Gear reference #1. Drake just sits there looking glum to end the episode at 21:10. Yeah; the decoy plot line was as stupid in this one as in Double Darkwings. However; this episode was better for four reasons: [1.] Gosalyn was on in this episode, [2.] Launchpad wasn't a zombie, [3.] Tuskerinni was a much better heel than Jake EVER was and [4.] Most of the spots didn't miss . *** ( 60%). Oh and Sun Woo also did this episode. Now you know that you are watching a classic! Almost forgot that one...


Well; I do not have much to say other than what I said in the end of the rant. This episode was much better than Double Darkwings despite the obvious break in logic in using the Darkwing Decoy once again. Again; Launchpad is too tall and very different from Drake. It would have worked better with Fenton Crackshell or NegaDuck. However; the animation was much better with few spots blown; few logic breaks and a much better heel in Tuskerinni. It was entertaining enough to be watchable as Gosalyn was on in this episode and Launchpad didn't look like a zombie. Yeah; it could have been better; but with the denizens of Saint Canard being so stupid that even a mentally ill child would have more smarts, this was the best I could expect. Next up is the big one and the one that shatters any perspectives that you may have about Drake Mallard in general and that is Time & Punishment. And then the last one of the volume which is Dead Duck which breaks Disney Television Animation BS&P by having the main character actually die. Seriously. So....

Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


Back to Darkwing Duck Rants Index!

Return to the Rant Shack!

Return to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage