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Let's Get Respectable!
Save that for Quack Pack; it's going to need it!
Yeah; it's an obvious cheap shot on a different cartoon series; but Quack Pack deserves it so there you go. So will this episode be as respectable as it's name sake? Let's rant on shall we.....
The episode is written by Bruce Reid Schaeffer and the story editor is Tom Minton. This one is animated by Walt Disney Japan and the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN.
We begin this one at Drake's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) as the television is blaring inside the house because that is what all people do those days before the Internet. Inside we see Drake (in regular street clothes), Launchpad and Gosalyn watching television on the sofa as Tom Lockjaw (who seems to be changing heads with every episode nowadays) announces the top superheroes of the year. Topping the list is of course Gizmo Duck which allows Drake to be SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order). HEE HEE! Tom sucks up to Fenton's exploits of course much to the disdain of Drake. Nice spot as Launchpad is eating popcorn and throws some into the air. Gosalyn pops up and eats it before Launchpad can. I see they were watching Scooby Doo during their downtime. Drake is going to be sick as Gosalyn tells him to be quiet since DARKWORM...DUCK is on the bottom of the list in popular superheroes. Okay; now that's just plain cold. I mean Darkwing isn't really good; but on the bottom of the list? What about Flash The Wonderdog? How about Underdog?! There's two superheroes worse than Drake right there. And both are owned by Disney. Methinks Baloo did some serious crank calling (with Kit's approval of course) to rig that one up. Drake is really upset over all this as one old lady blows him off for stepping on his foot and that he ought to be arrested.
Stepping on your foot is a felony in this city? That's whack and even Drake thinks it is since she was jaywalking while sputtering. Two kids then comment and they say that he gives them nightmares. Okay; I can accept that one since Cartoon Duck Syndrome gives me the same thing. Drake blows that off because it's the horror section that is keeping those two awake. Maybe that Vampire Potato episode you told kept them awake...for all the wrong reasons of course. Then a bulldog workers accuses Drake of toppling a building and that's enough for Drake to turn off the television much to the disdain of LP and Gosalyn. Which probably means that the whole thing was just getting good. Drake blows him off because the building contained a hideout for two despicable desperadoes and flops onto the sofa allowing him to blow off Gizmo Duck some more. He calls him a joke which show how silly and petty Drake can be. Gosalyn isn't amused as she is sitting on top of the most dangerous part of the sofa.
Drake goes to the window and opens the curtain proclaiming that he wants some respect. Launchpad gleefully answers that one for me because he is supposed to be a mystery and a terror that flaps in the night. Drake doesn't know why he is hated by the entire police force (half thinks he's a felon and the other half hates his hat) and Gosalyn decides to hatch MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN #453. See; Drake has a PR image problem and Gosalyn sezs that Drake needs an image makeover that the people want. Drake likes being mysterious and of course he REPEATS THE SPOT. Okay; I know Gosalyn isn't Drake's real daughter (Nice CONTINUITY ERROR there Gos.) but to repeat the spot in front of her is just a set up for really bad habits. Gosalyn gleefully blows off Drake for that spot so at least she's gotten over it. Drake stands on the television set in some form of symbolic image that I don't get or care and let's get creative. That logically leads to the star scene changer and we head to Drake's hideout as Gosalyn and Honker at at central control sitting in chairs with the clipboard writing down stuff as the smoke beckons (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) Drake does his dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 3:15...
Darkwing: [Really bad voice and sneaking around like a vampire.] I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the pit bull that bites the ankles of crime.
Okay; that is really funny and really bad for Drake's image. That'll only scare the public even more. Drake calls it darned effective. Ah; swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE; the ultimate in bad habits for the dubbers to use in anime to piss off purists. Gosalyn blows it off because there is zero profile on DARKWING..DUCK and that he has no spin. Sadly; Drake doesn't know PR and therefore acts REALLY STUPID by spinning around in a whirlwind spot that is getting too old too fast. Drake lands with a wussy bump onto the floor and he is dizzy again. See; the smoke doesn't mesh well with 18-45 year olds (and ecology experts hate it of course) and the cape doesn't mesh with 65 year olds. Drake looks at that and accepts the two problems right there and then Gosalyn steals Drake's hat which Drake protests because he's NOTHING..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING with his gay Zorro hat. Gosalyn then uses the KICK OF DOOM which actually makes contact and Drake goes flying against the chair taking a really wussy bump in the process. The process continues on with the scene changer and the final result is shown in full bloom as Drake comes out from behind the curtain and looks like a superhero version of Nintendo Wii.
Seriously; he does with the soft colors, lines, ruffles and golden trim on his hat. Honker proclaims that the ruffles are big with the elderly lady set. Drake is not amused by all this since his costume looks frilly. Gosalyn then gives Drake the basket and Drake opens it to reveal flower petals. Ah; I see Gosalyn been watching shoujon (?sp) anime in recent weeks. Honker proclaims that 81.6% of the people consider flower petals to be non-threatening. Drake is not amused as Gosalyn pushes Drake behind the curtain because they will be working on the entrance. LP then proceeds to do the worst acting in the entire world and Drake spins out as they chance pretty much every sentence on the opening promo..and it just isn't all that funny. Okay; this PR stuff is going to backfire in Drake's face. Sadly; this pain must continue because Drake's ego just CANNOT let go. This whole thing reminds me of Nintendo Wii. The biggest difference: The video game industry NEEDS a makeover for it to flourish. Crime fighting doesn't because it depends on function and not fashion like the video game industry demonstrates. Drake flutters like a goof and decides to continue the makeover despite it being called a failure right out of the starting gate.
Drake's dangerous promo is now his respectable promo. Geez; if he wants to get respectable then tell the writers to stop making him look REALLY STUPID. Scene changer and now Drake has to ride in the SWAN OF PEACE which Drake questions of course. Now I know that a lot of people who read my rants love my OF DOOM puns; but in case Drake's ride really is a swan and it's really called The Swan Of Peace. Mere mortals can never recreate Gosalyn's funny attempts to put Drake over as a character. Sadly the side panel isn't painted white so the whole thing is screwed up before it can even ride. Sloppy image mistake there Pod Gos. Gosalyn, Launchpad and Honker hop in and Drake decides to take it for a test drive. Scene changer and we head to the busy street as the SWAN OF PEACE (I can't say that in a straight face and be taken seriously) lands in a non busy street. Everyone hops out and Gosalyn gives Drake his first test of the image: Help an old lady across the street. Drake doesn't like that and Gosalyn blows him off by proclaiming that cliches are cliches for a reason. He has to be helpful see. Drake decides to do it despite not liking and sneaks up from behind and taps the old lady on the shoulder (who so happens to be the same lady that wanted Drake arrested for stepping on her foot mind you) and Drake asks if he can be helpful while doing the throat clearing spot to annoy me.
Then he jumps into the middle of the street (?!) and orders everyone to brake and halt. All the cars manage to stop and somehow not one of them crashed into each other. That is one clean car wreck as the old lady walks across the street and thanks Drake for helping her. Sadly; the cars had enough and they run over Drake good allowing Drake to create a tire trend right down his back. As I said before and it bears repeating: Drake as an international object equals funny. Drake coughs and that leads the next scene changer as Drake goes to a school playground. How the teacher let him in without laughing themselves to death; I'll never know. Gosalyn just tells Drake to be trustworthy as Drake does the clear throat spot again to annoy me. We cut over to see four kids playing ball. One of them looks like a sick green mallard for some reason. He calls himself DARKWING...DUCK and the kids panic because he gives them nightmares.
Drake tells them that he'll be their pal and the kids offer to play dodgeball with him. Drake agrees to it and eats ball right in his mouth knocking him down with a wussy bump. Funny spot there though with Drake's head as the kids chuckle and agree to invite him back to play ball again. See; even the kids get DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) that Drake as an international object equals funny. Why don't the writers get it most of the time? The kids leave as Drake talks about getting down with the kids while the ball is stuffed in his mouth. Scene changer and we head to a half built building as the SWAN OF PEACE rides and stops just in time to see the crane about to topple. Drake goes over and pushes the bulldog who blew him off aside and then cuts a silly full of himself promo before getting squashed with the steel beams. Nice bump from the animators for a change. Sadly; the bulldog blows him off as the prince of pain. For being in pain; or for being a pain. The writers didn't give him the dialog to make sure which was which. Drake is dizzy again as he pops out of the steel beam carnage. Scene changer as we head to the podium while a mob/crowd is listening to DARKWING..DUCK cut his usual full of himself promo with Honker and Gosalyn right behind him to pull the plug in case Drake screws up here.
Sadly; the crowd is not amused and even Gosalyn can see that. However; Drake's saving grace comes as we cut over to a masked dogperson thug stealing a purse from a screaming petite dogsperson lady. Gosalyn yells at Drake to get him because this is a major photo op as she jumps onto the podium. She motions the PRESS OF FRAUD to come over to make sure Drake doesn't try any of that violent stuff. Drake tries to cut his VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo complete with smoke bomb; but Gosalyn grabs it from him. This is going to be a bust; I just know it. Drake then rain flower petals on the robber and even the lady thinks this is strange. Drake comes off and blows off the robber's sense of justice. The mugger blows it off and grabs Drake's rose petal basket. No one screws with his rose petals as Drake gets dumped on his butt. Drake is ticked off and is about to invoke the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION WEB KICK OF DOOM; but Gosalyn stops him. This is why the police should NEVER ask for imaging since this is what will happen.
Drake dances on his tiptoes and threatens to tell his mother about this and the mugger gasps and gets scared. That is enough for the mugger to give up and gives back his basket of rose petals. Why do I get the feeling this guy is not a mugger and that this was a set up? Sadly; this spot because the template for the writers of Dora The Explorer to steal and they used it on Swiper. After seeing Swiper defeated by having Dora and Boots say Swiper No Swiping three times fast; I don't think I'll ever stop laughing. Drake's version isn't nearly as funny as Swiper's. The mugger gives back the ladies purse despite not even having it during the scenes Drake was threatening his mother with. That's logic break #1 for the episode. Drake dances around as everyone pops for him proclaiming him as the protector of the people and not so scary after all. The PRESS OF FRAUD takes snapshots of Drake's goofy dance as Gosalyn and Honker shake hands on a job well done. This episode just isn't clicking for me as we head to Drake's hideout as Drake offers suggestion for his new catchphrases as he is dusting his face with the makeup while looking in the MIRROR OF VAINITY. I thought the image makeover would eliminate the ego trip Drake has; but I have been proven wrong. Gosalyn likes the new catchphrase which is the gold at the end of the rainbow.
This is classic Cartoon Duck Syndrome at work: Drake is so stupid even by his own standards that he becomes way too gullible to realize that he doesn't need a image makeover; he needs to get rid of his ego. Drake asks what is next for him on the schedule as Honker goes over the time table which is too boring so Launchpad asks him how he is going to find time to stomp the bad guys. Drake answers that proclaiming that the new image DARKWING..DUCK will force the bad guys to stop multiplying and that divide and conquer will all add up. Launchpad does not get the joke and wishes he was better in math class. This would explain his inability to land a plane properly. Drake of course looks himself in the mirror on the pan shot and that is actually a scene changer which shows NegaDuck (this is his last episode on this volume no less) throwing knives at Drake's picture on the wooden fence...and all of them keep missing. Neggy growls proclaiming that he hates everything that this guy stands for. Considering that half of what he stands for are traits from you NegaDuck; that's pretty cold on yourself there. NegaDuck proclaims that Drake is setting himself up to be knocked down (a reference to Garland from Final Fantasy I) and his name won't be NegaDuck if he fails. That officially ends the segment almost ten and a half minutes in. Oh man; this isn't looking good if NegaDuck is the one carrying this episode....
After the commercial break; we head to the Math Net Police Station AFTER HAPPY HOUR (After dark) as the SWAN OF PEACE is outside for some odd reason. We head inside as the police chief enters with the crime report inside the office as two dog officers talk about that doughnut (which Disney Captions misspells no less) which goes nowhere. Drake then break all internal logic by dancing into the scene with his basket of rose petals sprinkling them on the police chief. I see Drake is drunk here judging by the fact that it is EVENING here. See; Drake wants to give the police force two weeks vacation so he can protect the city. The Police Chief isn't sure; so Drake turns on the television to show him that he is the helpful, trustworthy protector of the people. Yeah; showing the victory parade despite doing petty helpful stuff, real good stuff there Drake. In real life; Drake would have been thrown on his ass to the curb; but the Police Chief shakes his hand and basically hands him the keys to the city.
The police officers love his hat (which means the Police Chief was on the side which liked Drake's crime fighting; but hated the hat) and then they change into fishing gear. They leave as Drake waves goodbye to them. We then return to Drake's house (HUH?! Isn't Drake supposed to be in the office right now?) as Honker bounces in with the latest public opinion poll. His public support is unprecedented in the annals of Saint Canard history. Drake even accepts Honker's dare (which is a no-no on You Cannot Do That On Television) and Drake is officially above Gizmo Duck's popularity. Geez; Fenton Crackshell is more scary than DARKWING..DUCK. That poll is rigged and everyone knows it. Drake calls himself the truth 15 years before it became a Boston Celtic catchphrase for Paul Pierce to steal and then hugs and kisses Gosalyn and Honker (on their hair..EWWWWW!) in a really disturbing spot that would get himself arrested for sexual assault 15 years later. And guess what happens next...You remember that Drake showed the victory parade from the television to the police chief? Well; the next scene shows the exact same spot being done the day AFTER Drake shows the police the footage. Now THAT is a LOGIC BREAK BABEE!
Drake steps onto the back of the chair and tells the crowd to love him while the crowd pops for him. Now can we give Dora and Boots that spot after the many times she defeated Swiper the Fox with the spot Drake used to defeat that mugger from earlier in the episode?! We cut over to the victory stage (the place where sports heroes celebrate after winning a pointless championship; unless it was the Boston Red Sox in 2004 which actually MEANT SOMETHING!) as the mayor of Saint Canard (who is an elderly mallard wearing Scoorge McDuck's hat) and Drake are on stage of course as the mayor presents DARKWING...DUCK with the golden key (which WCW sold to Disney after the deal with Turner went through.). Sorry folks; but the Mayor of Cape Suzette is a million times better than this one simply because that mayor probably went on to become Tuskerinni in this series. Hey; you got to find work somehow. Oh; and he's mayor for a day as Drake takes the key and goes to the microphone to address the crowd who pops him big time. Geez; did they give the crowd IQ-reducing pills every time Drake is around? I'm almost missing NegaDuck in this one actually.
The mayor changes into his fishing gear and leaves town apparently. Drake wipes a tear as we see NegaDuck hiding behind the stage and lamp post while Drake addresses the crowd. He cuts his full of himself promo as the master tape is clearly showing it's age here with the white spot and cut off. Maybe they shouldn't have played this show so much and showed more respect to TaleSpin instead. NegaDuck loves this as we cut over to a bunch of crooks looking at the poster praising Drake Mallard until NegaDuck takes the poster and tears it apart. He calls them morons because the cops are out of town. The small duck sells it because Drake was always a Doofus. The fat twin ducks agree with him and I cannot put my finger on what the writers are referencing here; so I'll just continue on as the crooks scatter and NegaDuck walks towards the screen and does nothing else. Oh boy; this isn't going to be good. Scene changer and we hear the alarms ringing as the THREE CROOK GOOFS OF DOOM storm out of the bank with ten sacks of the money.
The guard blows the whistle; but nothing good comes out of it for him. The DUCK GANG OF DOOM runs away like a bunch of scalded dogs as Drake enters the scene looking like an absolute goof. Launchpad yells at Drake for letting them get away but Drake doesn't care as Honker snaps a photo for the closeup. This episode is dead now and not even NegaDuck is going to save it. I know that I have a love hate relationship with him; but even he cannot save Drake from being so gullible. LP continues to tell Drake that they are getting away as Drake wants Gosalyn to give him his basket of rose petals. Gosalyn sells and gives them to him. So the crooks steal the orange van and try to get away; but the dreaded VOICEOVER OF PEACE (complete with goofy dance and rose petal throwing) beckons at 13:12...
Darkwing: I am the truth, I am the supernova at the center of the universe. (The van doesn't care and basically runs over DARKWING...DUCK squashing him flatter than a pancake) I am DARKWING...speed bump.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay; that was pretty funny and Drake bumping is the only entertainment I am getting so far with this episode. Trust me folks; this is not being gay at all. No matter what it looks like this episode proves that dressing up in gay clothes doesn't make you gay. Get over it bigots and move on to something else. Next up is the jewelery store because you got to keep the robbery batting average up if you want to be a superhero cartoon. Funny how TaleSpin only did this once in the entire series. We head inside as the duck robbers steal jewelry and diamond rings and then run out of the store in various angles chuckling. Gosalyn then jumps right in front of them and uses the LEGAL HAND OF GOD to stop them in the name of DARKWING..DUCK. And it works. BY GOD IT WORKS! The duck gang blows her off as the short duck sounds like a bad Daffy Duck. They lightly bonk her on the head (because the censors are watching see and too hard is a no-no on children's television) and then walk around her.
They run into the orange van and close the door which allows Honker to enter and tell Launchpad to go a little lower and the tow truck hook hooks the van up to the tow truck. The kids get in and Launchpad sezs going my way. Okay; if the writers are going to let the babyfaces do all the work then that is A-OK by me. So now we head to the ATM which is against a brick wall as a dogperson robber and another fat duck robber hammer away at the ATM. Geez; show a little respect for technology guys. Use the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT; that always gets it open. A wooden mallet just won't do and makes you look weak in the process. This is why BS&P suck. Drake then appears in front of them and tries to cut his full of himself promo while throwing more rose petals; but the duck robber grabs him by the throat and squashes him good into an ATM card and puts him into the machine. YAY! Someone thinks this costume freak sucks big time which makes him more over than almost everyone in this episode. Again; the only entertainment is seeing Drake as an international object here with nothing good in between the spots. The machine tilts (HUH?!) and the money pours out as the dogsperson throws the money into the sacks as fast as he can. That allows Launchpad to come out of the sack to distract them. WHAT THE HECK?! That makes NO SENSE whatsoever from a logical standpoint.
This is like Double Darkwings all over again; except Drake is funnier as a bump machine. Gosalyn and Honker blitz them from behind and bump them into the sack which Launchpad closes up. Yeah; Drake cannot use violence; but the babyfaces can. That pretty much kills whatever logic was left in this episode. Honker goes to the ATM machine and pushes some button allowing Drake to come out as a dollar bill which is another logic break since he was an ATM card to start with. Launchpad grabs the bill and flexes it enough to allow Drake to pop out of the bill and take another wussy bump on his can. Drake looks absolutely PISSED. Scene changer as we head to the local jail as all the prisoners are blue shirted and locked away in the cells as Drake addresses the PRESS OF FRAUD with his usual full of himself promo. One of the reporters ask him if he had help and Drake admitted that a few concerned citizens gave him a hand as we cut to Honker, Gosalyn and LP giving him the thumbs up. Nice to see him give them some credit even though he really did nothing by be a distraction for them to catch them. Then we see a reporter who has a black mask and is the only duck in the group which pretty much gives away that it is NegaDuck. Oy vey there guys! He accuses Drake of digging potholes after dark and Drake is stunned by that question and denies it. The bulldog wonders who was doing that and he's not happy.
Neggy Reporter continues on accusing Drake of being a child stalker more or less which frightens the children which Drake says yes and then takes it back. Drake's image is dying before his very eyes. See this is what happens when you listen to marketing managers and not the public at large. Nintendo found that out the hard way. And then Nega Reporter accuses Drake of ringing door bells and running which the old lady that Drake helped earlier points to Drake as the cause. Drake then finds a conveniently placed pitcher of water and takes a drink as the public gets angry. Now at this point; Drake should just get out and change back into his usual duds and MURDER NegaDuck since it is clear that it is him behind all this despite the lack of visual evidence shown by the writers. Sadly; Drake brings out the baby carriage to show that babies love him and of course the baby cries which allows the children to cry. This is like a Spongebob SquarePants episode; without the charm of Patrick Star to save it. Drake calls it a bad dream which makes them cry for their mommy. Good selling from the children as the angry mob is about to commence and MURDER Drake now. And of course they break logic again by having NegaDuck dressed up as the baby in the carriage. This is the allegory of mindless. The angry mob takes the slow walk of doom onto Drake as Drake concludes his business and then exits stage right.
However; NegaDuck steals the key from Drake which was the whole point of setting up that contrived spot. Neggy snickers and then opens only one cell and stands back which is enough to open them all and let the criminals out. There's logic break #6 for the episode right there as NegaDuck tells them to clear the city. Somehow; taking orders from a baby is really silly; but they sell anyway so there you go. We see various scenes as the old lady is getting screwed out of her money by her ankles and another crook steals the same kids lollipops and shed tears of sorrow as usual. They run stage left as we see the bulldog riding the dump truck and it gets stolen so badly that he is still in midair when it is taken. And you thought Gary's infamous slip spot from the episode where Spongebob tries to give Gary a bath was ultra contrived?! Just goes to show you how Cartoon Duck Syndrome can slip bad habits into animation writers and they think it is funny. He falls to a wussy bump off-screen and my patience with the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN is annoying me with these wussy bumps.
At least they haven't blown any spots...yet. The bulldog protests this outrage as the dumpt ruck speeds off in the opposite direction. Scene changer and we see a crowd protesting outside of a hotel room for no good reason as Gosalyn, Honker and Launchpad are inside looking for Darkwing. Oh wait; that's why they are protesting and just as things couldn't get REALLY STUPID we see Drake plowing him way to the front of the crowd cutting his full of himself promo right in front of them. Geez; about 50 angry people who want to MURDER Drake for being an asshole and he cuts a promo in FRONT OF THEM?! And then here comes Nega Reporter and he plants the golden key on Drake's cape. He then accuses Drake of freeing the criminals in order to plunder Saint Canard, and to get back at the denizens for making him look bad. Yeah; I make that last part up, but NegaDuck should have went there just to see Drake's reaction. Curse you CDS! Drake finally gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and realizes that it is NegaDuck in a reporters outfit. Gives new meaning to the PRESS OF FRAUD doesn't it. I mean; NegaDuck was the only duck wearing a black mask in the press core to begin with. NegaDuck then decides to really let Drake have it by telling the crowd to check Drake because he's got the key. Drake realizes that he is completely screwed and cuts another full of himself promo and the angry mob goes after him to end the segment seventeen minutes in. Oh man; we still have five minutes of crap left to recap?! We might just have our third negative star episode here...
After the commercial break; the protesters continue to protest as Drake hangs onto the pink shield on top of the motel while trying to get up. We cut to the window where Honker, Gosalyn and Launchpad notice Darkwing Duck using his hat to swipe away at the mob. They finally grab him and it turns into a mosh pit. Oh swell; I thought they wanted to MURDER him; not surf him. This is getting really silly and stupid to boot. Launchpad wants to go help him and they go downstairs. More surfing from Drake as he protests this outrage. Memo to Drake: Just shut up. You should be lucky that they are surfing you instead of MURDERING YOU! They drag Drake down and beat him up as the blue limo shows up and the mayor is angry over the chaos and destruction. Drake crawls out of the carnage and hands the key back to the mayor and runs away like a scalded dog.
The mayor gets really steamed and decides that he is calling back the police and Drake is now a criminal more or less. Gosalyn realizes that all of her hard work was completely wasted. As bad as this episode was; it does serve a purpose by being a metaphor in that the Wii disruption would not work on Sony. So it's not a total waste. Too bad it's painful to watch as we head to the suburban part of Saint Canard as the dark clouds roll in in one of those symbolic moments that was better in TaleSpin because that was drama unleashed. This is COMEDY BABY..and bad comedy at that. We head to Drake's house as Gosalyn knocks on the door inside the closet (Oh; that spot is really telling isn't it? I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader on what I mean here) telling Drake that he cannot hide forever. Drake is inside sulking about how he was caught up in his own image which Launchpad makes worse by telling him that he was himself. Drake blows it off as Honker comes in and Gosalyn is looking for a hope chest.
Honker gives him none as Drake is public enemy number one and is as bad as smoking now. It's hopeless and Gosalyn suggests that Drake become the old full of himself terror that flaps in the night. Drake comes out of the closet and of course REPEATS THE SPOT. Launchpad agrees because once a terror always a terror. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Drake changes into his gay attire (the cool one; not the Wii one) and becomes himself as he cuts his usual VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo using a cleaning pun. Save those promos for Ammonia Pine you jackass. Now how are you going to make sure Dirtysomething doesn't become THE WORST EPISODE IN DARKWING....DUCK HISTORY?! Ah; the wonders of planning. He appears in the Wii light as the babyfaces say yes about three times in a contrived spot and Drake cuts his dangerous promo nineteen minutes in. Thank god; this episode is only three minutes away from being over.
The thunderstorm continues as we go inside a dark building as NegaDuck is swimming in a room of money. Man; Flintheart must be SOOOOO jealous of him. NOT!! Sadly; it only fills about a quarter of the room as the crooks enter the building with the remaining money and Neggy tells them to put it RIGHT HERE. The crooks ask for their fare share and Neggy decides that he's going to be a guilty party inside the jail cells and the crooks sell it with glee. Oh I think we know where this is going as we return to the jail cells as the crooks all foolishly walk into them and NegaDuck locks the cell doors. The Bad Daffy Duck crook protests this outrage and Neggy blows them off. Yeah; these crook are more stupid than even the police go figure. That was pretty pointless and REALLY STUPID on NegaDuck's part because that means that Drake has only one target to defeat. Scene changer and we head back to the money pile as NegaDuck continues to throw money all over himself. The crash beckons and here comes the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM at 19:57...
Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime!
NegaDuck isn't amused and neither am I. Double finger pointing spot commences to annoy me even further as Drake proclaims his name and stands his ground. NegaDuck runs down from his money pile and proclaims that he ruined him. Drake admits that is true and has come to thank him which surprises NegaDuck. See; Drake couldn't mind his image while defending the city which NegaDuck tells Drake to drop dead and slams the door in his face which creates a mold. Yeah; a wooden mold despite it being impossible to do so unless it was metal or plastic with a wood color image. Bad logic break there guys. Drake then invokes the LEAD GRIP KUNG FU ACTION WEB KICK OF DEATH and the door busts from it's hinges and squashes NegaDuck. Okay; that spot was REALLY STUPID and made no sense. Drake jumps on him like a child which allows NegaDuck to rise up from the floor and gorilla presses the door. Okay; that makes sense since the door is about ten pounds give or take.
Neggy pushes the door up allowing Drake to take a really wussy bump (complete with pie splat sound just to turn this spot into self parody) WITH CHEESE AND BACON. Oy vey guys as Drake is flat for the third time in this episode. Drake floats down as Neggy grabs him and throws him out the door which allows Drake to take a wussy bump on-screen against the wall with another lame sound effect. Neggy blitzes Drake telling Drake that he has forgot how mighty he is. Neggy goes for the JUMP KICK OF NEGA DEATH; but Drake ducks and Neggy nails his gay Zorro hat which allows Neggy to slip and fall down the stairs doing some really wussy bump around a spiral. Drake cuts a full of himself promo and then he runs down quickly making sure that he gets ahead of Neggy before opening up the jail cell and Neggy flies into the cell. Drake closes the door and NegaDuck is at the mercy of the crooks. Neggy is going to know prison rape like nothing else before as he gets MURDERED by the crooks.
Drake runs into the gold pile and leaves his hat and a note before leaving out of the window. Enter two police officers who notice the loot and read the note realizing that NegaDuck was behind all this and is locked downstairs. But wait folks; how does this prove ANYTHING?! Besides the crooks are downstairs; there is no evidence (visual or otherwise) to prove that NegaDuck was behind all the misdeeds the denizens were accusing Drake of. UGH! UGH! UGH! Lazy story writing guys...Oh; and the old Darkwing is back which means the stupid gay Zorro hat is back. I say...whatever..We head back to Drake's house as Drake is sitting on the sofa as the babyfaces present him with the Mysterious Superhero Award. Wonder what poll Gosalyn and Honker had to rig to pull THAT on off? Drake gets the yellow present as the victory music plays in the background. Drake opens it and it is a trophy that looks like Gizmo Duck wearing Darkwing Duck's hat. HAHA! Drake is not amused at the rush job as Gosalyn hugs him in an effort to not get grounded for life after screwing up his image badly. Drake no sells it and winks with the circle fade out to mercifully end the episode at 21:10. Respectable this wasn't. Well; it wasn't the third negative star episode in DTVA; but it was sure damn close. ¼ * ( 5%)
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I was right from the very start as this episode wasn't respectable as the name of this episode. This was mostly Drake bumping which got worse (and wussier) as the episode went on; but almost nothing good in between. Drake's standards of stupidity reached new lows as he was gullible for the entire episode and then they ended it in such a contrived manner that it made the whole thing a pointless exercise in pain. This whole PR thing was dead in the water because crime is about function and not fashion. Good as a metaphor for the next generation video game console war; but hardly entertaining. The lazy writing was apparent as Drake appeared out of nowhere at points and lots of logic breaks which set up in contrived fashion to set up the story. Nega Duck was decent; but who cares?! He wasn't counted on to carry this episode and it showed. The ending was also contrived because there was ZERO evidence that NegaDuck was behind this in the eyes of the public and the police. And we NEVER found out if the mayor forgave him or not which left a loose thread that wasn't plugged up. A total mess from start to finish. Next up is A Duck By Any Other Name and this one is Double Darkwings all over again; but at least it has Tuskerinni and Gosalyn to save it. So....
Thumbs way down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.
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