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Time & Punishment

Reviewed: 03/08/2008


Well; it has finally happened...The episode that turned DARKWING..DUCK from just a comedy series about a Cartoon Duck who created the Cartoon Duck Syndrome that has taken ten years or so to erase from the child's minds to one of the main reasons why DTVA rules hard. It asks the important question: Does Drake actually care about anybody despite his ability to bury those around him? The answer is in this episode and it's time to rant on to see if it has aged well since it's first airing....

The episode is written by Dev Ross and the story editor is Tad Stones.. Sadly; Sun Woo is back to animate this one. UGGGHHHH!

We begin this time in the streets of Saint Canard AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) as the police sirens wail and the criminal mind is fresh. Okay; that sounded better in my mind more than anything else. We head down on the streets as Drake (In his gay attire) blowing off Gosalyn for not being in bed at night while Launchpad just sits there eating popcorn. Sadly; no Scooby Doo eat spot from Gosalyn occurs because she's too busy blowing off Drake because she didn't want to walk out on a movie marathon. Huh? Maybe it's just me; but a movie marathon is just asking for that movie multiplex to die penniless in the gutter. Gosalyn even acts out a scene which features all the banes of a horror movie that were funny in 1991; but pointless now. Cannot blame her though; she's only about 10 years old. And that's enough for LP to go EWWWW on his popcorn which would have make better sense she was talking about mutant popcorn kernals. Now there's a bad plot line that Disney sadly didn't steal. Drake continues the blow off for about five seconds until the WII ZAP OF DOOM dances along the power poles and of course the city is blacked out. Oh yeah; that doesn't give the allusion that Sparky is behind this at all in the very least no siree.

Gosalyn tries to get off her catchphrase and Drake cuts her off. See what I mean by burying cool characters?! We then go to the binoculars and it shows the GIANT TOP OF TIME AND SPACE being shocked by Sparky and then we get the pan down and see Quacky on his pogo stick. Good for him for getting that funny escape device back. Drake calls Quacky a lunatic. Takes one to know one Drake “Lunatic” Mallard. Gosalyn jumps out of the Rat Catcher and wants to show Drake her awesome powers; but Drake invokes the LONG ARM OF THE PARENT LAW to force her back. See; Drake and LP are the crime fighters while Gosalyn is the obedient daughter. Yeah sure Drake...she SO obedient. Gosalyn being obedient is like Kit Cloudkicker knowing his parents and not telling the audience that. Even Launchpad is questioning the obvious so you know Drake is full of himself. Gosalyn wants to explain this all again and Drake is SERIOUS because if anything happened to her; he wouldn't know what he would do. And as you will see later on; Drake is full of crap as usual. Gosalyn promises not to get involved and I hope you get your stopwatches out and see how long Gosalyn disobeys Drake on this one.

She held the record for thirty seconds in Paraducks. Starting at 2:18....NOW! Gosalyn kisses her on the cheek and puts on his gay Zorro hat telling LP that they got cons to collar. LP and Drake leave the scene and Gosalyn hops out of the Rat Catcher because she didn't promise that she wouldn't watch despite being told to stay put. I love that break in internal logic there Gos. And she just broke her own record in Paraduck by waiting 11 seconds before disobeying Drake. Gosalyn runs to get a piece of the action as we cut to Quackerjack and Sparky on the roof. Sparky calls Quackerjack Quacky as the Time Top is ready to go bye-bye while Quacky is playing with the paddle. Quacky completely oversells it by jumping for joy and lands with a funny wussy bump onto the roof with his can. He no sells the insult of course as he calls him Megs and then goes giddy over all the wacky toys that somehow are not dangerous while grabbing onto the Time Top and not getting shocked as a result. While except for the Particle Beam Fuzzy Bears which would make a nice toy if they can make the Particle Beam non-lethal.

See; Sparky and Quacky are going to the future apparently because Drake will be too old and crippled to defeat them there I guess. Sparky then goes into a funny rant where he starts naming the first four things he can think of off the top of his head and then proclaiming that their little act would alter the past, present and future of history complete with red background which Sun Woo swiped from WD-OZ during Taraus Bullba's rant. And of course Sparky believes that this could be good. We cut to the rooftop house and Gosalyn exits through the door like the disobeying child that she is and looks for Drake. Why? So he can see you disobeying? That takes serious gall to do that Gosalyn Mallard as we see Drake sliding against a wall on a wall ledge near the window of another building. What?! No grand entrance Drake? That's REALLY SLOPPY there Drake as the window opens and LP scares him because Drake doesn't have the decency to use the door.

Drake doing REALLY STUPID and REALLY POINTLESS things; what a shock?! Drake is shocked on LP's sudden appearance and loses his balance; being forced to grab onto the ledge. Too funny as Drake blows LP off because that will ruin his entrance. Then why not just use the roof door like Gosalyn did? We then cut to Gosalyn using the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and lassos the Time Top to the roof in order to slow them down until Drake arrive...and here comes the DREADED VOICEOVER OF DOOM from the top of the roof complete with moon light and SHADOW OF DOOM at 3:27...

Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the batteries that are not included.

Now that is funny and so ironic on so many level. Maybe Drake should invest in a few cells...a few million brain cells which he scrambled throughout this episode and beforehand. Drake swoops down and of course takes the SICK MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON into the roof and then pops out of the hole and no-sells the whole thing while proclaiming that he's DARKWING..DUCK. That was too funny for some perverted reason. We then cut to inside as Sparky and Quacky are inside the Time Top which is basically another master control center. Sparky blows off Drake's funny promo (because he HATES being buried by him) and want to get out to fry him to ashes. Quacky calls him Gomer while reasoning with him about a plasma skillet from THE FUTURE. Oh come on Quacky; please call him Sparky. It was SOOOOOO funny during Stressed To Kill. Sparky then decides to agree and then starts pushing buttons on the Time Top with Quackerjack.

Wow; the villains actually grew a brain for a change. The Time Top outside spits the WII SHOCK TREATMENT OF DOOM as Gosalyn's lasso is almost ready to be undone. We then cut to Drake hiding behind various roof object while during his VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo because he really doesn't have a life. He looks absolutely like a complete tool doing these spots I should note. The rope snaps right on cue. Now you would think that Gosalyn would have let go and bailed out before Drake saw her; but she actually grabs the rope and she spins with the TIME TOP OF TIME AND SPACE. Drake continues to cut his promo and then pops up right in the correct position to get MURDER by the stray kick from Gosalyn which proves how REALLY STUPID Drake is. Gosalyn spins around and she and the TIME TOP OF DOOM disappears into thin air. We pan over to Drake tied up like a bad knot and selling dizziness. All he can say is Gosalyn in a goofy tone as we cut to the TIME TOP OF TIME AND SPACE reappearing on the roof IN THE FUTURE~! Gosalyn is tied up against the top of the top. Get it?!

Yeah; that also sounded better in my head. Gosalyn sells it as if she is sick as the top stops spinning and the hatch opens to reveal Sparky. Sparky questions if there was an earthquake; but Quacky pops out of the hatch and jumps out because IT'S PLAYTIME~! (Copyright and Trademarked by Quackerjack Toys; All Rights Reserved.) Quacky tries to run to the toy factory but Sparky stops him because he wants to try out the electronic generators which so happen to be buzzing blue in the background. Quacky wants to put it to a vote and brings out Mr. Banana Brain which pretty much assures that Sparky is going to the toy factory....and of course I'm right if there was any doubt since Sparky loses 2-1. Sparky blows them off for cheating and sulks off to the streets. Gosalyn recoils and unties herself somewhat as she is amazed by the new Saint Canard which looks like a more obvious police state then it ALREADY WAS. The purple blimps give it away who is behind all this though; but I won't spoil it for you as we go to the streets while Sparky and Quacky walk for about three seconds and it's a dogperson in a suit running and pleading for mercy because someone is chasing him. Sparky and Quacky are confused until the earthquake beckons and forces the man to behind behind the villains. If you are a heel; then that is only going to make it more obvious.

So; out from the streets is the DARKWARRIOR...DUCK tank which is not only packing heat; it's packing rockets too. Now this is overkill in Saint Canard; or Left Behind Games' real plan to get back at those who hated their unspeakable horror of a game. What is it? I cannot tell you. It's unspeakable. And it's the the anime sequence just to show how cheap Sunwoo is with action scenes. This makes TaleSpin look like feature in comparison. And of course the heels bail to leave the dogperson high in dry like the funny and demented villains they are. The dogsperson bumps into the wall (and takes a decent bump into it) and he is finished as the dreaded VOICEOVER OF DOOM beckons at 5:55....

Darkwarrior: I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! {Dogsperson tries to slide to escape; but the rocket puts a hole through the wall to stop him.}. I'm not finished! {The red smoke cloud rises as he opens the hatch to reveal him for the first time.} I am DARKWARRIOR...DUCK!! this police state will be entertaining after all. Most of these plot devices are pretty depressing so it does need freshening up after reading Air Freedom and playing Final Fantasy VII one too many times. Oh; and that outfit is absolutely AWESOME (and makes him look like a badass while killing off all the gayness of his attire) and it's sad that Michael Eisner and Tad Stones didn't consider having this character for more than a one shot deal. It would have shown that cartoons can grow...Oh wait; never mind what I said. The crime for the dogperson: One year for not using a crosswalk and he calls him a jaywalker. That's actually quite reasonable since Molly got a hundred years for smiling and having an imagination in Thembria. This guy is getting off real easy. Quacky and Sparky (who are hiding in trash cans on the street) are scared of Drake now DUH! Quacky even uses the DEMENTED BANANA BRAIN OF DOOM to talk about insurance rates. Sparky shudders what he'll do to real criminals and the heels agree to leave and return to the Time Top. They bail as Gosalyn is up onto the roof proclaiming that Drake is having a bad day which allows some seven or eight shots to be fired off-screen which surprisely don't harm the man; but he get caught with the METAL LONG ARMS OF THE LAW.

The dogsperson wants a fair trial; but Darkwarrior blows it off because he would win that too. The dogperson agrees with Drake and the QUACKER ARMS OF THE LAW exit with the man stage right while another one informs he that another criminal is loose on the streets. His crime: A bad haircut. Now he's getting towards Thembrian levels of lawmenship. I wonder if they were exchanging notes backstage. Drake gets back into his tank and even proclaims that the guy may have dandruff too. The tank and his followers exit stage right as Gosalyn has somehow made it to street level and tries to get Drake's attention; but no dice. Even in this world; Gosalyn is ignored. We cut to the roof top as Sparky and Quacky try to escape to the Time Top but they are caught by the POLICE STATE ARMS OF THE LAW (three of them) for the charge of extreme parking violations. Sparky of course accuses Quacky of the crime since that's HIS TIME TOP. Ah; the classic of a heel: Accuse the other of something you did. Quacky blows it off because he cannot drive despite the fact that he MADE THE DAMN THING! Another sign of a classic heel: Always deny. And of course; Mr. Banana Brain ruins it by actually speaking that they are both guilty and he was taken for the ride.

That was too funny and the heels are screwed of course. The LONG ARMS OF THE LAW grab onto the heels and the Time Top and whisk them away towards the huge building in the middle of the city. We head to Drake's hideout as Gosalyn blows off Drake's heel trip (or monster babyface trip here) because he needs an attitude adjustment and goes into the hideout to notice that everything is gone. Well; not really as we see that Launchpad is fixing a taxi underneath. Gosalyn jumps down and calls for Launchpad; who bangs his head on the underside of the taxi of course. He wheels himself out and he looks like himself for the most part with a grey strip of hair on his forehead. He is wearing a goofy bowtie and goofy taxi hat which I'm sure Darkwarrior will arrest him for being that he is now part of the FASHION POLICE OF LAW. He apparently runs a taxi service here as he notices Gosalyn and they embrace which allows LP to blow off Gosalyn's height.

LP acts like he hasn't seen Gosalyn in years and Gosalyn blows it off because she's got caught in the Time Top and went to the future. And SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THAT SHE IS IN THE DAMN FUTURE! Considering that Baloo made that kind of intentional mistake with Rebecca in Sheepskin Deep; I'll let it slide. Gosalyn goes to the window and looks out to the skyline to the city as she wants answers as to why Drake is acting like an awesome Barbarian Nobrain Badass. Considering that the streets always seen deserted before this; color me unimpressed on that part Gos. Gosalyn realizes that she slipped away for a few decades and the whole town goes down the tube. I was hoping she would say goes to hell here; but no dice. Oh well; there is always Gargoyles. Gosalyn then asks him why he's no longer Drake's sidekick. Launchpad explains that Gosalyn disappearance changed Drake's life forever...and at first; not in a good way for him as we go to the flashback....

Launchpad narrates this sequence as we see Launchpad riding the Rat Catcher in the streets (and doing a good job of it) as Drake is sulking in the passenger side. Drake was in a state of depression which showed big time as he got MURDERED by the water cannon by Buddy as he was robbing a bank. Launchpad literally had to hold Drake up along with his GAS GUN OF DOOM to even remotely look like a threat which of course failed big time. We then cut to the SCHOOL OF SOFT KNOCKS as Launchpad is watching over with the binoculars as a girl is playing hopscotch. Drake is on the roof in a depressed state until he hears the screams and the girl's doll is stolen by a greasy pig criminal who looks like a bum wanting to have sex with her. Drake sells it with thunder and lightning in his eyes which allows him to do the fireworks of hell spot . Drake swoops down and MURDERS the perverted scumbag with the WEB KICK OF DEATH which sends the pig flying to the prison that he will be raped afterward.

Drake gets the doll back and becomes a hero to millions of parent's everywhere if any of them were actually WATCHING THIS SHOW. Drake gives the doll back to the girl who looks like Gosalyn; if she had Molly's nose. Drake then rediscovers his purpose in life which is to fight the FORCES OF EVIL~! That leads to a scene where all the heels (including Ammonia Pine, Bushroot, Suckyputt (He got enough heat to come back after Getting Antsy?!), Tuskerinni, FOWL EGGMAN and Steelbeak) are on the rooftop and they do their get Drake pose to scare Drake. It fails big time which is good for Tuskerinni, Steelbeak, and Suckyputt (I cannot believe he is in this episode?!); but bad for Bushroot, Ammonia Pine and the FOWL Eggman. They get squashed by the remote control (in Drake's hands) GIANT ANVIL OF NEIDHARTS to show his ruthless side.

You know what; turning Drake heel is becoming a good thing now since I was booing Drake for being such a jerk from the start. He chased all the heels out of Saint Canard; but once his main purpose was gone, he did what all theocrats do: Invent crimes as demonstrated by using the plunger to snag a burger from a furry (who looks like that blue guy who gets served and screwed by Grover from Sesame Street on a regular basis) and it splats right into the wall of the Happy Hippo. Why did he do that? Because the babyface was inviting a heart attack as he threatens him and the furry scampers off to steam veggies lest Drake gets REALLY INSANE judging by those red heelish eyes he's wearing.

I guess he's wearing those goofy contact lenses Atom Bomb and Saturn used to wear in WWE and WCW. The flashback ends as we get a shot of the DARKWARRIOR...DUCK statue looking quite heelish. I am so loving this episode because heel Drake is much more awesome than babyface Drake for obvious reasons. They sit on the fountain in front of the statue as LP states that he was fired because he was too soft on crime. Why? Because he wanted to arrest them before giving them the electric chair. Now that's a true sign of a police state. Gosalyn figures that it is time to talk some sense to him because she's here now; however, LP states that it is impossible because no one speaks to Drake. Gosalyn finally gets the LIGHTBLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and has a plan: Break a law since that'll make him sell.

Gosalyn then takes out her trusty paint can and brush and decides to paint the town red; on DARK WARRIOR...DUCK Statue's face. HAHA! The spotlights shine brightly on our intentional criminal masterminds as Drake is now flying on the HELLQUACK OF DOOM (I had to come up with some name at some point) stage left and he's PISSED so much that he opens the thing up and shows the rocket which Gosalyn blows off for over reacting again. Now you know Gosalyn is watching too much violence on television as Drake finally invokes the missile which flies straight at Gosalyn (with the Sun Woo anime backgrounds again) and LP to end the segment 11 and a half minutes in.

After the commercial break; we see the missile heading towards the babyfaces as Darkwarrior watches with his feet up just to show that Baloo isn't the only one who can annoy me even when over. Drake watches the monitor and then realizes that it is Gosalyn for real and he panics like a scared parent. He flies the HELLQUACK OF DOOM faster than the missile and then he lands on the street. He gets out and shoves LP and Gosalyn out of the way and then uses the LEGAL HAND OF GOD to tell the missile3 to stop. It no sells and MURDERS DARKWARRIOR...DUCK right into the cement wall complete with the MAN-SIZED BUMP WITH CHEESE AND BACON. Now that was pretty sick as the missile finally dies off after about ten seconds of juice was left. OUCH! If Drake wasn't wearing that suit; he would be dead which is what happens in the last episode that I'm going to rant on. Drake pops the rocket and it slams hard with a MAN-SIZED bump. I betcha Drake falls on it and it explodes allowing soot to be on Drake's body. I check the DVD and damn I'm good. LP and Gosalyn hurry over as Drake recovers and does the multiple vision spot with Gosalyn as he regains his eyesight. Gosalyn tries to blow him off for being a maniac and Drake proves his point even more by jumping and grabbing her. He hugs her and calls her his little angel. He kisses Gosalyn good as he really missed her which is far different from the Drake we know. I guess death by disappearance has a good effect on Drake. LP wants a big hug from his former partner and Drake drops Gosalyn like a bad habit and blows LP off because he ran out of criminals to sympathize with. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments.

Drake is about to throw the book and the electric chair on him for disorderly conduct and LP shakes like a scared bunny rabbit complete with the Hanna Barbera shaking sound and visual effect. Now you know you are watching a classic. Even more so since there is no red paint on the statue anymore thus making Drake look dumb and Sun Woo look like par for the course in coloring mistakes and logic breaks. Gosalyn butts in and tell him that she did it (which is true) which Drake no sells because she was subverted by a master criminal mind like LP. Nice to see that the REALLY STUPID part has come back after Gosalyn basically broke Drake's facade. Gosalyn thankfully blows him off for it and Drake agrees with her so LP gets off easy. He only gets life of hard labor which is more reasonable since in Thembria; it's 500 years. The LONG ARMS OF THE LAW grab Launchpad and carry him away. LP doesn't even bother to sell any fear or protest as he waves in a funny spot. Drake comes over and tells Gosalyn that it's time to properly dress her and calls her the new sidekick of the team which Gosalyn groans. Because you know he's going to try to bury her anyway.

We cut inside the HELLQUACK OF DEATH as Gosalyn and Drake are flying around talking about dolls and explosives that go nowhere because another crime has taken place at the corner of Miller and Barley. The crime: 8 pm curfew violators which is the ultimate sign of a police state. Now do you understand why the mayor and the police HATE THIS DARKWING..DUCK fellow?! And yet; he is so AWESOME this way. We head to the streets as a couple (who the male just happens to look almost like the same guy Drake caught jaywalking earlier) walk down the streets. See; they played too much whiffle ball and their time runs out as Drake arrives complete with his girly pink smoke. Must be to show his soft side which just makes the whole exercise funnier. The couple are chatter-teeth scared as their excuse was to get a glass of water. Gosalyn checks her watch and she agrees that this is Drake when he was in a really good mood. Drake decides to go easy on them as long as they promise never to do it again. The two promise like nothing else which should be the signal for Drake to punish them even worse for their overselling. That would be leeching off Drake's heel heat see. And of course the whole thing is a trick question as Drake becomes a nasty monster police heel by having the LONG ARM OF THE LAW grabs them (right out of their shoes no less) and they are gone from the streets. I wonder if George W. Bush was watching this episode to crib ideas for president?

Never mind as Drake looks menacing and we head to the hell tower on the top floor as Drake does his nasty VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo while throwing his gay Zorro hat around in the office in a pretty funny spot. I love it when Darkwarrior was able to blow off his own foolish burying self. Drake goes over to the pillar and pushes the red button allowing the ceiling to open and he stands in perfect position to allow himself to redress in his awesome armor. Drake then asks Gosalyn about her suit of armor and we cut over to Gosalyn who looks like a hell girl black tank. Now that is funny and I think Gosalyn is wishing that she loved dresses now. Gosalyn tells him that this might not work out right. Drake goes over and cuts a really nasty promo because they are going to MURDER any criminal who stands in their way. All invented from Drake cloth mind you. Gosalyn of course cannot move in that damn thing and even Drake realizes this judging from his double take. Sadly; Drake makes himself look really silly by blowing off Gosalyn's lack of spirit. Gosalyn gleefully blows it off because she CANNOT MOVE YOU BASTARD! Drake finally gets it and removes the helmet while cutting a full of himself promo on the tailor. Gosalyn hops out and tells Drake that he is obsessing with crime fighting.

See; this is Drake's ultimate fantasy world come true and he loves controlling everyone so he invents punishments that don't fit the crime to prove how manly he is. The reality is that he is lost without Gosalyn Mallard; similar to the relationship between Baloo and Kit. While I called Drake a lot of things; his relationship is still more important than the one that Scrooge and the nephews had with Ducktales. That puts it somewhere in between with Baloo, Kit and Rebecca being the ultimate relationship since that one adds Rebecca's daughter Molly, and two cousins like WildCat and Louie. It's still pretty good despite Drake's efforts to ruin it as it shows here. Gosalyn wants him to ask her about her stunted growth and Drake blows it off because it was due to the junk food. Gosalyn does the D'OH spot Kit used before and Gosalyn explains that she was whizzed to the future on the Time Top by Sparky and Quacky. Drake then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and is SHOCKED to hear that...however; he really gets giddy and walks up the stairs to the gaint computer while cutting a promo on how he hates little acts like tooth decay. However; he's going to lay off for a while until Quacky and Sparky are dead once and for all. Drake goes to the computer and contacts his drones to see if they can be found and the LONG ARM OF THE LAW tells him that they have already been arrested. D'OH! Drake's perfect system of crime fighting just got screwed...badly. Drake slumps down and does the annoying Gruffi pose sounding like a little child. That is classic vain oppresser right there folks. The LONG ARM OF THE LAW asks to destroy the TIME TOP OF TIME & SPACE and Drake gives them the signal to destroy it. Gosalyn goes upstairs to stop him because that would solve everything. See; Gosalyn goes back to the present and Drake doesn't think that he ran away and everything would be back to normal.

Sadly; Gosalyn makes the obvious mistake, stopping to call for Drake to come with her and Drake suddenly realizes Gosalyn's plan is to destroy him by releasing two insane guys and letting them return to the past to trash history. Gosalyn realizes that she is screwed and grins her teeth. REALLY STUPID move there Gosalyn as Drake calls his LONG ARM OF THE LAW and we fade to black with the RED EYES OF DOOM still showing to end the segment 16 and a half minutes. You know something; this should have been a five part story arc while Heel Drake trashes history in order to prevent the trashing of history and he would have been monster over; but this is Disney we are talking about so it doesn't happen...

After the commercial break; we head to a room where the Time Top is as we see Drake and his drones walking towards the TIME TOP OF TIME & SPACE. Drake gets really giddy because he can now go Minority Report on Saint Canard a full decade before that movie was ever released. Then he realizes that doing that isn't heelish enough so he goes to the dream sequence as we head to a temple in Babylon where he is the judge, jury and execute man to anyone who stands in his twisted sense of justice. Now Drake is truly becoming the nasty monster that he should have been. He really missed his calling which shows how popular this series is now. We then head to the sea where he becomes the enforcer of all creatures. I can sense the Creationism guys doing flips in their chairs after seeing this spot if they were watching it and not hating Disney for promoting homosexuals. The proto duck comes out and there's Drake right in front of him to LAY DOWN THE LAW BABEE! The proto duck walks on water better than Jesus did actually which pretty cements my position in hell. Well; I think you know who to send to hell for that spot do you?! Drake cannot stand it any longer and decides to start the Time Top up.

The LONG ARM OF THE LAW opens it up as Drake shows some regret for Gosalyn going heel in his own twisted mind since they would have made a good team. Speaking of the devil herself; we see jail of course... complaining. Now you know how Drake feels every time he goes to jail. She looks out of the jail cell window on the bed as Launchpad explains to her all the criminals he locked up including the cartoon producers. Finally; someone who is thinking that should happen after all the CDS episodes that has been happening. And of course the lawyers are there just to make sure no one is innocent. We also see Mrs. Mildew in her rocketing chair (an old lady wearing a purple dress) who was charged with flunking Drake in penmanship. Now that is just cold. Gosalyn admits that Drake's sense of justice in penmanship hasn't died on him; but there was no excuse for this and she wants to bust out of here. Everyone shrieks in horror as the entire population of Saint Canard (including Sparky and Quacky) shriek in horror.

Gosalyn then calls them out for being chicken and of course they sell by clucking and throwing feathers at Gosalyn. Not one of them makes her laugh which proves that Kit is more ticklish than her. No wonder he turned into the bouncing babyface he became which is sad because despite being really good in that role; he was much better in much more than THAT. Gosalyn does the Gruffi pose on that spot as Sparky doesn't want any part of Darkwarrior Duck in which Quacky blows him off with Mr. Banana Brain which is so funny and ironic since he was talking to him despite saying that he was telling Mr. Banana Brain that he doesn't want to talk to him. Sparky blows him off for that because he parked the Time Top in a no-parking zone which gives Gosalyn a pointless idea since that was HER PLAN to get home from the start. I guess she forgot to tell Launchpad which makes her look pretty dumb. Gosalyn proclaims that they must work together because that's how to stop an oppressor: By oppressing him and changing history so it NEVER happens. Gosalyn goes over to Quacky to ask him about using the CHOMPERS OF DEATH and Quacky no sells because Sparky's been drained of his powers and Quacky's toys were taken away. Heel Drake equals Smart, Babyface Drake equals REALLY STUPID. That's the alpha and omega of it all.

However; Mrs. Mildew offers her false teeth which aren't really dangerous. Oh well; at least they have something so Quacky creates some makeshift CHOMPERS OF DEATH during the scene changer and Gosalyn has a gross out moment since they used her false teeth. OUCH! That's gotta hurt. So; in other words in this world no one got real teeth. Oh I get it! This is a running joke on cartoon animators not animating teeth during talking scenes. HAR HAR! And the CHOMPERS OF DEATH (about 20 of them depending on what mood I was in when I was doing this rant.) destroy the iron bars of course allowing them to escape. The sirens wail as the criminals escape just as Drake was about to start up the Time Top. The LONG ARMS OF THE LAW tell him that the prisoners are escaping. Drake tells them to send out the drones because he cannot be bothered since he's going to REWRITE HISTORY BABEE!

Now that's using your noggin Drake...and that's why Disney never tried this as a five part story arc because this is AWESOME BABEE! We head outside in the morning which is the first actual mistake of the episode since it is so out of place with the dark mood that was supposed to be present. Consider this a nitpick more than a logic break as the LONG ARMS OF THE LAW try to attack; but Sparky gets all of his juice back from the fusion generator and zaps them good with his zapper hands. The robots fall to the ground with decent off-screen bumps as Sparky tells DARK WARRIOR..DUCK to BRING IT DOWN BITCH! And DARKWARRIOR..DUCK is happy to do that as he has the water hose and he MURDERS Sparky and Quacky with water to knock them down and somewhat out.

Sparky asks if Drake can take a joke. The answer is no; unless it's the villain who get creamed by this awesome heel. Gosalyn goes over to protest this outrage as Drake throws the hose away and invokes the dark gas gun and it's ready for Gosalyn to suck gas. And then Gosalyn really PISSES OFF the censors (since they cut this moment for us) by stammering and pushing her finger into the mouth of the gas gun! HOLY CRAP! If you thought Rebecca was pushing it by pointing a badly drawn pistol to her head; seeing a TEN YEAR OLD CHILD plug up the hole in the gas gun is a million times worse. She finally decided to get to Kit Cloudkicker levels of awesomeness in this episode. Tells you a lot about Cartoon Duck Syndrome doesn't it. Drake pulls it away and he blows her off and it changes into the rocket launcher. Now Drake is really pushing it here. Gosalyn gulps as Drake backs her up against the wall while ranting about how much of a bad egg she was because she never did anything adults must do everyday of their lives. He is ready to go in for the kill as Gosalyn closes her eyes and then Drake turns into the biggest pussy in the history of furry kind as he shakes like a leaf. Now that is funny!

When it comes to Gosalyn he's still REALLY STUPID despite the growth in said brain. Drake drops the rocket launcher and cries about it like a baby which is so terrible (but still funny) and LP absolutely MURDERS him with the fry pan. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?! LP didn't want to take any chances see. However; this is not going to last long so we head to the scene changer and inside the room where the Time Top is as Gosalyn is on top of the hatch and Launchpad say their goodbyes. Launchpad isn't so sure about sending Quacky and Sparky home since they are harden criminals who should be locked up. That allow Sparky and Quacky to pop up from the hatch in between Gosalyn and they suck up to her. HAHA! Gosalyn agrees to let them come with her because she has learned that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt which Darkwarrior has forgotten completely. And the fact that Gosalyn cannot drive a Time Top. Makes sense to me as she and the heels pop into the Time Top and Launchpad backs away.

The Time Top spins around and disappears again as it lands right back on the rooftop in the present city of Saint Canard. Yeah; I know I ruined the suspense for you; but there's only thirty seconds left in the episode; so there you go. Quacky and Sparky lift the hatch and Drake's voice beckons as he swings like Tarzan and the heel just faint dead away in an awesome spot. Gosalyn pops out and thinks that Darkwarrior Duck followed her; but as Drake enters the scene, the facade is lifted and it's plain old goofy babyface DARKWING..DUCK wanting to blow off Gosalyn for disobeying her. Gosalyn is so happy as she waves to Launchpad and completely ignore Drake's rant on disobeying him and she's grounded for a month again. Drake even uses the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH and Gosalyn goes and hugs him saying that she can take it since she's SO HAPPY. HAHA! Drake thinks she's arguing with him; but then he stammers and they hug in a magical moment to end the episode at 21:11. I think you know what this episode is getting. the series...EVER!! ***** ( 100%).


Yeah; this episode absolutely rocks; but it rocks like a perfect rock star who is on his musical bliss so to speak. This episode truly shows that Gosalyn Mallard is the reason why Drake hasn't been reduced to being a ruthless dictator in a police state like Saint Canard (although the whole police state thing was lighted touched as is throughout this series). He is a very lonely guy and his ego get bruised on the slightest things. However; when he lost Gosalyn, he went into depression and then when he was able to save a child he basically snapped into a cure that was worse than the virus. Everyone played their roles to perfection as Drake was the monster heel that I was booing him for in this episode because he was awesome as a nasty police heel rather than booing him because he sucked as a babyface. Even when he turned into a complete pussy near the end; it was perfect since no matter how angry he was, he couldn't kill a child most so one HE RAISED. The comical dark city that Gosalyn entered was near perfect (minus the mistake near the end where it became light) and everyone from Sparky and Quacky roles as future seeker heels, Launchpad and Gosalyn performed above the level they usually do on their best day. That's no mean feat.

Sun Woo was almost completely on which was presented in some episodes of TaleSpin; but was missing in many others. Sure; Disney could have gone with a five part story arc where Drake almost ruins history in the name of the law because his plans were the best of truly thinking big. All he needed was Doctor Who like plans; and he would be perfect as a oppressing heel. However; it just wasn't going to happen in the status quo Disney world. This episode is the best episode of the series bar none along with Life, The Negaverse & Everything which got NegaDuck over for good as a heel. These two episodes are in my top ten as the best DTVA episodes of all time; but P&L Part 3 is still the best 22 minutes I have ever witnessed along with Stormy Weather, It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck and Mommy For A Day. I'd pencil these two in as number five and six. The remaining ones are an exercise to the reader. One more episode to go and it's a deadly successful one in Dead Duck. Showing that Seth Macfarlane did steal from this show although Tad probably stole it from someone else. Ah; the joys of stealing plotlines from each other. So.....

Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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