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Stressed To Kill

Reviewed: 03/01/2008

First Kill Reference In A DTVA Episode Title. DARKWING...DUCK is SO Hardcore..NOT!!

Well kiddies; the top of the hill has been reached as we are at the halfway point on the final disc of the second volume. So let's rant on shall we....

The episode is written by Doug Langdale and the story editor is Kevin “Crosby” Hopps.. The animation is done by Walt Disney Japan and the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN.

We begin this one with the moon shot as the Thunder Quack flies across it and allows the pan over of the Thunder Quack reaching THE CITY OF SAINT CANARD. Drake is apparently ticked off of something as Launchpad asks him if he lost another game of Whiffle Boy. Nice to see the writers remembered Whiffle While You Work so well. Drake blows it off as the printer feeds him the worst crime report in the history of furrykind. LP asks him if it's the biggest crime wave in history and Drake blows it off because there is NO CRIME in Saint Canard. And we all know Drake has no life outside of crime fighting so his job is screwed. The peaceful denizens of Saint Canard are shown on Drake's peeping tom television which begs these three questions: THERE ARE NO PRIVACY LAWS IN SAINT CANARD?! WHAT KIND OF POLICE STATE IS THIS?! Wonder which mayor Drake screwed to get the right to peep into the citizens' lives? Drake gets more ticked off because he's NOTHING...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING without crime to fight. He then uses the magnifying glass and looks out the driver side window for any signs of crime.

Geez; this takes backseat driving to a new low. LP sees that the city is quiet and is reading another book (in mid-air again no less) which Drake steals and invokes the magnifying glass to read the title and of course searching for any heat leeches. The book is called Stress Busters: How to Relax In A Hurry. Alternative title: Stress Busters: How To Create A Plot Device Without an Object. LP loves the book and since that is bad for Drake's psyche he blows it off because he's perfectly relaxed....and of course he jumps around using the magnifying glass to find any crime like a hyper kid who has eaten too much sugar to be healthy. After about five different types of criminals; he finally finds his crime at the candy store. We know that a crime took place because there is broken glass everywhere. We head inside the store as the placed is almost completely destroyed. A dogsperson is standing around with a goofy grin on his face watching Drake look for clues acting like an idiot. Drake does his usual VOICEOVER OF DOOM promo while searching and in an amazing twist of fate the pink lamp drops OUT OF NOWHERE and squashes Drake good. HAHA!

Finally; something shuts that promo up. I don't care if it's a logic break or not; that was AWESOME. The candy store man answers Drake's question for him as the candy store was robbed by a cowboy and Indian. Is this some sort of rib on the critic's worst cartoon ever made...or am I hearing things again? Drake grunts as he pops the pink lamp with his foot; which allows them to do a lamp bounce spot which remove the arrow from the top and it somehow lands on Drake's gay Zorro hat. Man; the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN have their work boots on today. Drake removes the arrow and wishes for a common criminal in these matters because apparently; a FREAKIN COWBOY AND INDIAN isn't good enough for Drake. Drake then tells the candy store operator that he is awfully calm. Hey; maybe he is numb to all the violence that you pulled over the last 50 episodes or so (This is the 50th DARKWING..DUCK episode rant in case you didn't know).

Did you ever think about that? Man; Drake is REALLY STUPID as the candy store man slumps and falls asleep. I smell a drug ring in these here parts as LP makes a point referring to his plot device and then getting things confused. Drake then gets angry as he points at LP while backing him up because he's interested in the stolen money. Of course; Drake is REALLY STUPID (and REALLY HYPER to boot) and forgets where he sets his feet because he steps on the gumballs (second oldest slip in the book next to the banana peel of course) and slips and slides in a candy cane fashion right out of the door and takes an off-screen MAN-SIZED bump outside. That was just great as the animators are playing good ball here. Launchpad grabs the orange gumball and proclaims that the trail of gumballs will lead them to the crooks. No matter how REALLY STUPID Drake gets; he always finds the contrived trail of doom....

Scene changer and we head to the bowling alley which has been destroyed as well. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You killed my favorite sport in Wii Sports you fiends! Nintendo was going to use that alley after the show is over to tape footage for Wii Sports and you destroyed it?! Drake sneaks around with the magnifying glass and sees two female dogspeople playing cards while wearing yellow shirts with Wii blue trim. One of them is wearing the glasses so she is probably a student from Saint Canard University working on their biology department. Drake asks them if they were robbed by a cowboy and an Indian and they no-sell stating that it was two pirates. One of the bowling guys has his feet on the table with one foot bare. Don't ask me why; it was just there for pointless detail purposes. Anyhow; the two pirates were playing a new type of bowling game with a jackhammer, some marmalade and a pack of wild panthers. That sounds like Quackerjack to me guys but we still don't know who the other guy is. Drake cannot believe that he is hearing his as the two bowling goofs proclaim that they were all right with this. Drake see this as a good sign as LP gets a bowling ball stuck in his fingers and tries to pop it out; but when he does he goes flying and takes a MAN-SIZED bump into the bowling ball holding area as the sound of pins falling is heard. Another pointless; but outstanding spot by the animators.

The goofs shh LP on that spot. Drake wonders why as he walks over and they proclaim that they hate loud noises. Drake gulps and then looks up to see that the panthers are still here. Now that what I call shredding the paper trail if you know what I mean. Drake panics and does the lame nice kitty spot which only serves to piss them off and they pounce on Drake like he was a ball. That leads to the SCRATCH AND CLAW FCC FRIENDLY CLOUD DUST OF DOOM and they fight away as the scene changer beckons and head outside as a green car is demolished with a shattered windshield. Thankfully; no one is inside for Mister T to bully. Drake walks on the green car with the magnifying lens as his cape is scratched up badly. Wow; he is weightless if he can walk on a shattered windshield without falling in. Logic break number one for the episode; but it was cute spot though. LP also appears reading his book while Drake searches for clues and walks in circles like the REALLY STUPID Mallard that he is and then walks backwards.

Drake still cannot add up the clues as to why this is happening as he adds two crazy clowns are causing chaos in the city. Well; that just adds creditability to the theory that Quackerjack is one of them; but it still doesn't explain the other one. Scene changer and we head to the big stage as Hamlet is being played before a live audience and the actors are doing a bad acting job of it. Must be another Goof Troop audition session as Hamlet Dogsperson does the old “To be or not to be...” in order to get the Shakespeare (I cannot believe I spelled that one right on my first try; honestly.) reference in which is a staple of children's cartooning. The crowd is deader than most wrestling matches nowadays so the actor gets yanked from the stage...and here's QUACKERJACK!! Quackerjack sounds drunk today since he said anon (which is a proper word believe it or not so Disney Caption is safe) and proclaims that he is seizing the stage to perform and unleashes the sword as we cut over to the right side of the stage to see Sparky in a blue dress. Okay; I'm supposed to be ticked off at Doug for killing the suspense way too early in this episode; but seeing Sparky in a blue dress just makes me laugh. And he seems more willing to do it than Gosalyn is which shows how much of a pussy Sparky has turned in the last few episodes.

Sparky doesn't like to dress anymore because it is BOR-ING! Sparky slips on his own dress and does some really good rolls and almost knocks Quacky off his feet. Quacky looks mad as Sparky wants to do something SHOCKING. Well; you could tell the crowd that they suck; that is always shocking enough. Sparky offers to invoke the WII THUNDERSTORM OF DOOM towards the crowd which is greeted with the sword to the head from Quacky (and a good shot I should note). Good selling from Sparky as always. See he doesn't want Sparky to ruin his dramatic performance. Sadly; the alpha and omega of burying acts that leech off his heat enters the Shubird Theater with the magnifying glass (and backwards I might add). Quackerjack jumps off the stage with the sword and demands that the crowd gives him their MONEY OF STINK and the crowd sells it without a care in the world. Now only one question remains: Why is everyone acting like a zombie? Drake grabs on LP's scarf like a bully as he proclaims that it is Quackerjack and Megavolt robbing them. Like we didn't see them coming right?!

Drake proclaims them as the thieves in the crime wave because due process doesn't exist in this world as you see. Drake then decides that a grand entrance is silly and goes for the kill by jumping onto the seats and pointing the gas gun right at Quacky's beak. HUH?! No full of himself promo? Boy; this stress he's getting is actually improving his workrate 500%. The crowd doesn't care as they throw more stuff into Quackerjack's sack. Drake is PISSED now as Quacky and Sparky make their getaway. Drake blows off the citizen for acting like nothing has happened after a robbery. One of the patrons asks for a point which cracks me up because Drake pulls on his Zorro Hat in a funny fashion on that response. Thankfully; he recoils and blocks the exit before Sparky and Quacky can escape. D'OH! Quacky brings out Mr. Banana Brain and tells him to relax which Drake dramatically blows off and oversells as his hat explodes off his head in a funny fashion. Drake jumps on his hat in anger and fury; but the columns cut into blocks and the stage gets completely destroyed in the process toppling over everyone.

Now you know why I consider Drake to be a million times more destructive than Baloo EVER WAS. LP, Sparky and Quacky don't be caught in the props of course as Sparky blows Drake off for bringing the house down. That is such irony that it cannot be topped by anyone except Drake full of himself Mallard. LP does the POINTY FINGER OF DOOM to subdue Sparky; but Sparky invokes the shock treatment to counter that. Nice Dalek X-RAY BEAM OF DOOM selling from LP as he drops like a dead fly. Quacky and Sparky bow to the audience for their amazing performance and then exit stage right and enter the GHOSTBUSTER CAR OF DOOM. It speeds away as Drake somehow manages to get out of the carnage in time to eat smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING!) and cough like a bad smoker. LP recovers and comes out to tell Drake that they got away. Drake then slumps next to the brick wall and an overturned garbage can to proclaim that it is all his fault because he overreacted and such be calm at all times. Drake demands the plot device and LP gives it to him. Drake reads chapter one which is to do some exercise...That logically leads to the scene changer and....

....On the streets of suburban Saint Canard as we see Drake jogging on the sidewalk with the grace of a loon as a narrator narrates the whole thing. Hey; save that narration crap for Goof Troop. It makes zero sense in this cartoon. Sadly; the jog leads Drake off-screen and Drake runs away stage left being chased by six vicious dogs which were recycled from You Sweat Your Life. Drake needs to stay away from that breed of dog forever methinks. Nice animation from the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN as Drake jumps over the bushes and around the cars. Page flipping ensues and we head to the laundry room to see Drake on a table midsection down in his white shirt and heart underwear. Memo to underwear makers: Use a different style please. The heart underwear is so passe. Minor coloring mistake: Drake's left leg below his underwear and above his knee is colored in orange when it should be white. This is the message treatment potion of being lazy..ERRR...busting stress In comes the doctor who weighs 400 pounds, a dogsperson with hair on his body, white shirt and black pant; and he invokes the rolling pin to squeeze Drake flatter than Alexander the Grape; Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

Another flipping of the pages commences and we head inside Drake's house as Drake (still in his gay attire) sitting on the floor reading the book. Drake pulls himself into the lotus position with the greatest of difficulty and closes his eyes. The narrator is getting on my nerves here and they should have let Drake narrate here. Sadly; the BUZZ OF DOOM noise beckons which is the signal for a fly to completely annoy Drake to no end. I check the DVD....Damn; I'm good. Sadly; the animation studios of ruin decided not to animate a fly for goodness knows what reason and Drake is seem swatting air all the time. Not that it matter since Drake keeps missing the fly anyway regardless if one was going to be animated. Yeah; it doesn't make any sense. Drake bounces around and finds the chair and bashes the coffee table around (complete with fruit bowl) which allows lamps to fly and smash into mirrors and such that Launchpad and Gosalyn enter the room. LP and Gosalyn are in the Scooby Doo panic stance because Drake is reading Chapter Seven. So that's the forbidden part of the book?

The living room is destroyed of course as Drake sets up the dynamite and is stressed out completely. Gosalyn blows off LP's book on stress right there as Drake yells back that it's a fly like a psycho. And the animation studios of ruin finally decided to animate a proper fly as it flies near the dynamite. Logic Break #2 for the episode right there as Drake pulls down the plunger and that causes the house to pop it's top and the roof lands upside down in a nasty spot. Gosalyn and Launchpad are singed and covered with soot which is odd because kids often don't get that spot due to BS&P. Drake is singed and covered in soot; but he's cutting is usual full of himself promo. Well; I guess the stress is gone after all. Sadly; that's not enough since the fly is still buzzing and the animator decide not to animate it again. Drake laughs like a maniac and blabbers on as Launchpad comes over to him and it's time for Chapter 12 which is to seek professional help. I guess Chapter 11 is to file for bankruptacy protection after your house burns down. HA! I KILL ME! And why do I get this feeling that Quackerjack and Sparky are going to get involved here. FLIPPING PAGES OF DOOM beckons and the lights are shined on Drake as we cut to the top shot of Drake lying on the chair.

Then two doctors who look like Sparky and Quacky dressed up like doctor approach Drake in opposite directions... Oh wait; it is Quackerjack and Megavolt. Rebecca and Baloo should sit Drake and Launchpad down and show them how to ask for a proper resume before checking on a doctor. This is the second time Drake has been duped into seeing someone for professional help who is his arch nemesis. Quacky touches Drake on the midsection and tells him that he's a stressed out puppy and then introduced himself as Doctor Heebie and Sparky as Doctor Jeebie. Memo to future doctors If you call yourself by any of those two names; you should consider changing them. Drake then realizes that something isn't right here and Sparky proclaims that this is a sign of deja vu and that it is serious BABEE! Quacky snaps Drake's webfoot in a pretty funny spot and then address the signs of Drake's stress which is to blame it on the violence of modern society. If there is one thing that makes me give pause in animation is when they address violence in their own product and then mock it as trivial.

Sadly; I think this is funny since Quacky takes out the hammer and basically breaks Drake's hand so badly that it swells like a balloon. Quacky speaks some German which creeps me out for some odd reason that I cannot put my finger on. Oh wait; it's because of the stereotype that doctors are German. Don't ask me what he was saying though; I don't know German and Disney Captions doesn't either. Quacky throws Drake out of the chair and into the arms of MegaVolt as Quacky proclaims that they are going to get into Drake's inner child. This ought to be fun. Quacky invokes the JACK-IN-THE-BOX OF DOOM and Drake grabs it like the REALLY STUPID Mallard that he is. Sparky and Quacky bail which adds creditability to my theory as Drake winds up and out pops the SHARK OF DOOM which snarls right in Drake's kisser. HAHA! The shark eats Drake and shallows him whole while slurping ... Hmmm ...Duck .. SLURP! Quacky makes a joke on that spot and giggles as Drake manages to pop the toy shark's mouth open and gets out. Then he invokes the CLUB OF DEATH onto the toy shark which is apporos since Drake has been eaten by too many for them for his liking....and the Jack-In-The-Box gets destroyed of course.

Drake pants (and remembers to whack it one more time the moment it moves) and the doctors go over to tell him to calm down. They drag him onto the chair and Sparky has a plan to relax him and he reveals the relaxatron. It's a laser gun which turns everyone into zombies of course as Drake actually gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. Oh boy; Doug better have a good act 2 and 3 because the episode will fall fast since the suspense is completely gone from this episode. He also blows the doctors' cover and they are forced to switch to regular clothes. Quacky rushes over and pulls THE SWITCH!! Nah; it merely ties Drake to chair as Drake protests this outrage. Quacky violate ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 with Mr. Banana Brain and Sparky invokes the relaxing beam to fry Drake's body as Drake dramatically oversells with the DALEK X-RAY BEAM OF DOOM. Sustainers must be licking their chops to see that spot. Quacky declares that it is playtime which ends the segment 11 and a half minutes in. Okay; this has been a wonderful act so far; but I fear that the suspense is gone and that this episode is going to fall fast if Doug doesn't do something fast...and remind Drake to have a talk with Rebecca AFTER this episode is over...

After the commercial break ; we head back to Drake's house as Gosalyn and Launchpad are on the sofa watching television which is a pretty apporos segue from the previous scene if you ask me. We do the pan over to the flipping chairs and one of them flips to allow Drake to fly around and do some really nice bumping before landing like a feather on the new coffee table that Launchpad must have bought for him. LP calls this a new relaxation technique and Gosalyn gets out her Keen Gear catchphrase before touching Drake and blowing him off for being so wiggly. Sadly; Tom Jockjaw is on the television as he sits with his feet on the desk announcing that two pumpkins stole priceless stuff.

However; he doesn't call it a big deal. Okay; someone needs to inspect that psychologist place STAT! LP is amazed that two giant pumpkins stole something because it's really Quacky and Sparky. Drake doesn't care as he blows their cover on the stress free clinic. Time for that long talk with Rebecca Launchpad as Drake shows his free Waddleman radio to show that even in stress free mode; he is still full of himself. Drake flops onto the sofa and the headphones are in the wrong position of course just to be REALLY STUPID on top of that. So much for the 500% work rate. Drake snoozes and he loses because this is COMEDY BABEE! Gosalyn decides to go into her MIMI JOKE ZONE bag of tricks and cuts her version of the dangerous promo while looking absolutely heelish. Okay; this could work out Doug. So Gosalyn invokes the pogo stick and starts trashing the living room.

Joey: We just fix that living room!

And did she just steal Quackerjack's pogo stick (from Quack of Ages)? Drake should be ashamed of himself for stealing the villain's funny plot devices. And isn't Gosalyn asking for radiation poisoning by MURDERING the television set?! Lots of questions to ponder; but one thing is certain, the spots are all on today. Drake flops on the sofa after some pogoing from Gosalyn; but he no sells all. And now he's mad and Gosalyn sells it as if she got to him. Sadly; Drake was checking the batteries and they are okay so no dice for you Gosalyn Waddlemayer-Mallard. Gosalyn is SHOCKED and APPALLED (in that order) as Drake hums a melody to keep him company as he lays on the metal springs. Gosalyn's not happy with this as we head to the scene changer and see Megavolt and Quackerjack outside in the streets of Saint Canard looking at a really tall toy landfill filled with toys. Quacky is HAPPY because it's a tribute to the law of fun which is breaking the SAINT CANARD OF LAW naturally. Quacky plays with Mr. Banana Brain to force the point in a funny way. Sparky loves this as the two do the stereotypical Egyptian dance to amuse me some more since they can have all the fun they want until Drake somehow snaps out of his stress free state.

Which means no burying from him which is a GOOD thing thank you. Doug may be snapping out of Cartoon Duck Syndrome here; or am I just hearing things?! Then the smoke cloud beckons (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND MOVIE RATING) beckons and here's Drake with LP and Gosalyn as Drake even forgets to cut his full of himself promo. Wow; Zombie Drake work rate is 250% better in this state which is half of when he was stressed out; but still better than ordinary Drake. Drake calls their hats cool and Gosalyn blows him off because they are the heels see. This is getting funnier and funnier the more I see this angle forming. How Doug piss this away in The Weekenders; I'll never know. Sparky and Quacky throw their tiaras away and blow off Gosalyn's temper. UH OH! You know that they are SERIOUS NOW BABEE! Sparky tries to invoke the relax ray (wonder if Reggie is taking notes here?!); but he plugs it into his portable battery pack which runs out of juice. You know you are screwed when THAT happens. It's been a while since I invoked THAT line.

Sparky remembers to swear in DUBBED ANIME STYLE for old times sake and Quacky blows off Sparky by calling him Sparky. BWHAHAHAHA! That insult is too funny and Sparky of course blows him off remembering to say Sparky in the process to make him look like a fool. And since Quackerjack is RIGHT THERE; it is in the correct context. Gosalyn then steals Drake's gas gun and tells the heels to suck gas. However; when she fires it; it sprays the green slime bomb which bombs everyone good including the camera. Yeah; it didn't make sense; but it it was an impressive visual and good animation from the ANIMATION STUDIOS OF RUIN. Launchpad is grossed out on that spot and I don't blame him since the You Cannot Do That On Television parody is getting overplayed now. Sparky takes a lick and the stuff is Cajun style pickle relish. On second thought; that is the BEST WEAPON EVER! HAHA! Quacky decides to bail and remembers to call him Sparky on the rebound which allows Sparky to get pissed off over his pet name. This two are a gas and the chemistry proves it.

Then again; these two are the best of the Fearsome Five so there you go. Gosalyn then blows off Drake's choices for weapons and Drake responds that one for me as he wants a little snack and shows the hotdogs on a stick from Crazy Kevin. Must be Crazy Ivan's long lost cousin. I hear he was exchanging notes with Mr. Yamaguchi when he was launching the Famicom back in 1984. Oh come on Sustainers! You knew that was coming since it was YOU who called the Nintendo DS a Crazy Ivan invention. Launchpad likes them much to the anger of Gosalyn who pulls her pigtails out in frustration. Now she know how I feel when I rant on this show. Sadly; this episode DOESN'T SUCK so she's screwed. Scene changer and we see Quacky outside the GHOSTBUSTER CAR OF DOOM next to a power pole as he blows off Sparky for now charging his batteries quick enough as Sparky is on top of the power pole next to the battery recharger. Oh; and Quacky remembers to call him Sparky just to piss him off more. This is just great as Sparky plugs into the battery and gets the Wii shock treatment. Nintendo should market that game to Sustainers and see how they react to it.

Sparky falls onto the ground with a wussy bump which somehow MURDERS the relax beam. Sparky is recharged as he thanks himself for that. Quackerjack blows him off for destroying the relax beam and then we get the spark wire sequence which causes a complete blackout of the city. And while I'm on a roll here; why was Sparky allowed to shock himself on a power pole; but Gumbo's version of it was changed into a contrived hot sauce into the telephone spot?! Why do I get the feeling that it wasn't BS&P doing it and it was really Cartoon Duck Syndrome?! Quacky blows Sparky off for that mistake and Mr. Banana Brain tells him to light a candle while calling him Randall. Quacky is so demented as he climbs into the GHOSTBUSTER CAR OF DOOM on the right side and comes out on the left inside the mini fire truck complete with alarms and bells. He invokes the water hose and fires the flamethrower which sets fire to a building. ARSON RULEZ! ARSON RULEZ! Or not as Sparky praises Quacky shooting and then calls him Quacky for real. HAHA!

Quacky doesn't sell it sadly as Sparky wonders why the hose shot fire when it is supposed to be a fire engine and Quacky gleefully answers that one for me. I'll leave that answer as an exercise for the reader as Sparky wants one of those to ride on. Now everything is on fire and sadly for the heels the joke isn't funny anymore. They run to the fire engine as a firefighter is resting against. Quacky and Sparky try to wake him up; but he no sells since he is a zombie. UH OH! This isn't fun anymore and then Quacky and Sparky run and panic in the streets. Okay; I get the moral here and it's a good one: Too much stress kills...and lack of stress kills. That's all you need to know here. The city is on fire (which is amazing considering how little fire was used which proves the little known fact: Fire lives to consume.) and these two arsonists now wish that they had watched the movie Backdraft. Buildings fall down due to the stress of their foundations by the blistering flames (nice touch by the writers and animators) as the Rat Catcher rides down the street. Gosalyn blows this off as classic irony: Hero twiddles thumbs while Saint Canard burns to ashes.

One of the building crumbles in front of them and that stops the Rat Catcher in it's tracks. And of course Drake was REALLY STUPID to forget to buckle his seat belt and goes flying right through the windows of the buildings and manages to come out the other side in front of the arsonists landing right on his feet. Now that is an amazing feat there; or Logic Break #3 for the episode. I'll accept either answer at this point. The arsonists get on their knees and pray for forgiveness and a stop to the flames as Drake teases helping them (while the heel cheer on for glee) and then no sells in order to roast Crazy Kevin's cocktail weenies complete with the show it spot which most lame cartoons nowadays drive to the ground. Wow; Drake should stay stress free because he isn't burying anyone but himself. Sadly; he's burning everything to ashes which is not much better. Drake puts those weenies to the flames (IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK YOU SICK FREAKS!) as Sparky and Quacky cry...badly..and that ends the segment more than seventeen minutes in....

After the commercial break; we continue with the side shot as Quackerjack and Sparky continue to yelp as the flame are now near the point of burning the arsonist. See; this is why arson is bad. Drake continues to roast hot dogs to amuse himself and somehow amuse me. Sparky blows him off for doing that while calling him Darkwing Diner. Well; you two have no one but yourselves to blame for torching the city in the first place guys. Quacky and Mr. Banana Brain make it even more so by stating that turning him into a zombie was a bad idea too. How?! He might be burning the city down but at least he's not committing character homicide on you two. And out of the flames comes the Rat Catcher which somehow doesn't torch it's passengers. Okay; this is taking the creative license a wee bit too far there Doug. Gosalyn uses Drake's gay Zorro hat to put out the fire pooling behind Drake's butt and blows off the goofy arsonists for not putting out the fire. Sparky then get inspired and invokes the WII ZAP FINGER OF DEATH to destroy a perfectly innocent fire hydrant which sprays a rain all over the city.

Sadly; it doesn't quite work as the water bursts into a bigger pillar and the city now floods. Sparky calls himself a super hero while Quacky calls him a super fool and uses the CHOMPER OF DEATH to bite on Sparky's nose. Sparky doesn't think that is funny. I beg to differ..SPARKY! HA HA! Sparky zaps the CHOMPER OF DEATH and it wimpers away into the flood. Gosalyn wonders around looking for a boat and Quacky gives her the rubber ducky boat. Ernie is going to MURDER him if that thing is rigged. Gosalyn pulls the cord and the thing is not rigged. Wow; the first toy that isn't dangerous. Everyone jumps into the boat; except for Gosalyn who swims to carry Drake on her back to place onto the riding boat. There is something so ironic about that spot; but it means little because the river leads over the hill for the waterfall spot. Okay; that was different sort of. LP and Quacky panic as Drake is amuse by the sight of the waterfall which really gets Gosalyn ticked off and she throws the water bucket on Drake which nearly gets Sparky. Sparky blows her off for trying to short him out. Gosalyn then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and throws Drake onto Sparky.

Drake waves to him and then Gosalyn invokes the water to allow Drake and Sparky to shock themselves to death. Again; nice over the top selling from these two goofs and they are out..for about three seconds as Drake recovers and he's no longer a zombie. Well why not recycle the finish from Duck Blind...Len Uhley did rule TaleSpin with an iron fist in 1990. Drake does the newsroom spot and then the duck raft falls down the waterfall and into the whirlpool which logically leads to....inside the Saint Canard Waterworks as Drake pops out of the faucet. Okay; this is getting a wee bit overbooked here guys. Drake twists the cap and everyone pops out taking some good bumps along the way. Quacky and Sparky go into the sewer whirlpool (along with Gosalyn and Launchpad I assume) which allows Sparky to invoke the funniest line I have heard: Death By Jacuzzi! That just absolutely cracks me up. Probably for the wrong reasons; but it was still too funny. Quacky only wanted some fun as Drake twirls with them because the fun now officially begins. Drake demands a set of the CHOMPERS OF DEATH and Quacky sells and gives them to Drake. Drake then grabs Sparky's power cord (while treading water) and attaches them to the CHOMPERS OF DEATH.

Drake then uses the power cord and latches it onto the waterworks pipe and everyone grabs onto it near the center of the whirlpool for dramatic effect and climbs onto the pipes. Well; except for Sparky who is forced up onto the pipes since he's the butt end of all the shock jokes. Gosalyn looks around and notices the shutoff valve hanging in the top left corner. Drake asks for LP's book and LP give it to him wondering why Drake wants to relax. Drake blows it off and throws the book onto the shutoff valve which seals the waterworks up good below. In the confusion; Sparky and Quacky drop down and use the second rubber ducky raft to escape. Quacky allows himself to plug up a possible logic break by saying that you can never have too many rubber duckies. Drake magically pushes LP aside because he's going to call for: Crazy Kevin's Cocktail Weenies.

Gosalyn pulls her pigtails AGAIN for that spot; but Drake eats the hotdog and states that he only needs the toothpick for this job. He then uncorks his slingshot and the toothpick zips and pops the rubber duckie raft and it's the old air out of the balloon spot as they bump and bounce like a pinball. Drake tells the babyfaces to relax and he gets MURDERED by the sailing RUBBER DUCKY RAFT OF DEATH. HAHA! Drake goes dizzy as he hangs onto a pipe and Sparky and Quacky go sailing into the wall taking a MAN-SIZED bump into the wall and then a MAN-SIZED bump onto the floor knocking themselves out. Hey; they had to lose at some point as Drake plops down all dizzy and puts on his Waddleman with the headphones on the wrong way of course. We finally head to the final scene as Drake (in regular clothes finally), Launchpad and Gosalyn have a picnic in the park with the picnic basket and some sandwiches. Launchpad is sad because he ate all those Crazy Kevin cocktail weenies. Yeah; I'm as shocked as you are LP. Drake lies down and enjoys himself as Gosalyn tells him that he can officially relax and be his usual full of himself Mallard once again. And of course some fat oof decides to throw some litter on the ground which allows Drake to get up and try to be DARKWING ..DUCK again; but Gosalyn invokes the mean stare to make him stammer and calm down.

Besides; he's not worried because the city's clean up crew will take over as we pan over and see Sparky and Quacky picking up trash with the rest of the convicts (which are jack rabbits in orange jumpsuits by the way) like a couple of felons who were found guilty of mass arson. Oh wait; I just remembered: HOW IN THE WORLD DID NO ONE DIE IN THIS EPISODE?! THE WHOLE CITY WAS ON FIRE FOR GOD SAKES?! UGH! Cartoon Duck Syndrome strikes again as usual. Sparky just blows off Quacky for his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN and Quacky tells him to relax..while calling him Sparky. HAHA! Sparky just goes all nasty and screams for that pet name to end the episode at 21:13. Obvious logic break aside; this was a really good episode as Megavolt and Quackerjack had excellent chemistry and Drake for the most part improved as a character when he had too much stress and too little. **** ( 80%)


Hey; I actually loved this episode for the most part. Yeah; the arson fire scene was pretty bad since it made no sense that no one died from this incident despite having the whole city on fire. However; I ended up liking it. I found Quackerjack and Megavolt having great chemistry; had lots of laughs (mostly at Megavolt's expense) and Quackerjack setting the whole city on fire was truly evil in more way then one. I'm surprised this episode didn't get skipped (If it did then I didn't know and therefore I apologize for the mistake. I'm not a huge fan of Darkwing Duck as a whole like I am with TaleSpin) due to the arson angle. Drake was excellent in this one, much to my surprise, as he was funny when he was angry as hell and almost as good when he didn't have stress. And while it was true that Doug's lack of suspense hurt the episode a little bit; it was so enjoyable as pure comedy that I can let it slide.

Gosalyn didn't do much; but she was fine along with Launchpad. I also love the moral because it's a good one: Too much stress is dangerous; too little even more so. I'm glad that Doug did a great job in balancing the two and showing that there is no such thing as black & white when it comes to stress. The animation was on and there were only four logic breaks (only the one I hated the most I didn't accept which I mentioned earlier.) so that makes Gregory Weagle a happy ranter. Next up is the funniest episode title in history: Let's Get Respectable! Too bad the episode itself will probably not live up to the funny title. So....

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you all next time.


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