Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
A Hard Dazed Knight/Do Unto Ogres
Reviewed: 08/07/2007
Toadie's Wild Ride Part Two!
Because one time getting popped out of an episode just isn't enough....So let's rant on shall we?
A Hard Dazed Knight is teleplayed by Jim Pasternak while Do Unto Ogres is teleplayed by Mark Zaslove. I'm sorry folks; I have NOTHING on Jim Pasternak unless he is the director for the upcoming film Certifiably Jonathan and producer for the movies The Good Fight and another upcoming film Portal. Otherwise; I have nothing on him. This appears to be his only series teleplay appearance; and probably his only appearance in DTVA ever.
A Hard Dazed Knight: We begin this one inside Gruffi's workshop (for the first time in the series no less). We know this because there is a water wheel in the opening shot and Gruffi is grunting at his work bench fixing one of Cubbi's toys no doubt. He sucks at it of course as Princess Calla arrives with a tray of food. Gruffi is really more mad than usual as he is greeted with a SPRING OF ACTION right in the kisser as Gruffi tries to keep it down much like trying to keep Dukie down. Princess Calla brought him his lunch (a sandwich and mug) and places it beside where Gruffi is working. Gruffi doesn't care about lunch because he means business! Gruffi blows her off because he's a sexist see and girls don't know how to fix Gummi Berry Juicers. Which of course leads to Princess Calla explaining the solution to Gruffi's woes. She sezs please and of course since Zummi's please and thank you spell isn't on him; he just blows her off. He agrees to prove her wrong showing that he is a sexist. Gruffi does whatever Princess Calla sezs and it works! It's a miracle! If you listen closely; you can hear reverse-sexist Grammi laughing all the way to the Gummi Berry Patch. Gruffi of course blows her off because it was luck see. Princess Calla gleefully explains that she watches engineers fix things all the time since King Gregor is a king and therefore too lazy to do anything.
Not as lazy as Sir Lazybones though. Gruffi is in his annoying pose again and basically dares her which Princess Calla happily accepts. Gruffi grabs her arm and leads her to another table and asks her with assistance to another project she is doing. See; Gruffi is a weakling after all when it comes to fixing things. I just needed the episode to prove it. Well; we cut to Castle Dumbwin..ERRR...Castle Dunwyn to the marketplace as King Gregor and Sir Lazybones are watching down the street admiring all the chickens that were slaughtered because PETA wasn't around back then to really annoy the hell out of all of us. Sir Lazybones is so lazy on the speaking that he merely repeats stuff. There is some nice fruits and Sir Lazybones has a Homer Simpson moment. Mmmm...fresh fruit..SLURP! See King Gregor is walking about because he is doing inspections in order to boost castle morale. And then here comes Michael Rye's voice cloaked in a dark blue cloak where we cannot see his body. See this loser bought himself a crystal egg from a magician from a desert temple. He tells King Gregor that he can hold it. UH OH! I don't like the sound of this as King Gregor holds it and completely turns into a crystal statue. Now there's a status aliment SquareEnix ought to steal. The navy blue robed man grabs the crystal egg and runs to the soapbox and reveals himself at Dukie! Now that's a quality kick butt plan to take over the castle. He threatens the populace with showing that the king of Dunwyn is trapped inside the crystal egg. If it shatters the king is basically dead as Sir Lazybones and his knights are powerless to stop him. Dukie gets on his high horse (a different color one this time) and gallops away to hide the egg in Drekmore. Princess Calla return to see that she is way too late and King Gregor is a crystal statue.
Her acting needs a little more work when she sees father. We cut back to Gummi Glenn as the babyfaces and Princess Calla exchange notes on the situation. DTVA still has problems with direct references to kill as evident here. Princess Calla is reduced to sobbing and it is awful. Gruffi thankfully ends it as he proclaims that fellow engineers must stick together. Gruffi grabs Princess Calla's arm and ushers her into Gruffi's room because he has a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN in order to stop Dukie. The door closes and the work is on... (Narrator voice from Spongebob Squarepants)... Two hours later...(Normal voice) The Gummi Bears still wait outside and nothing still happens. Even Cubbi is dropping like a fly. Sunni the diva calls the work beating up a washtub..and the door breaks open to reveal the GIANT BLACK KNIGHT OF DEATH. Everyone scatters like scalded dogs. Sunni wishes she never insulted Gruffi's quality of work ever again after that spot. The black knight basically cuts through anything not moving like melted butter. Sunni of course trips and falls because running perfectly is so below her as a diva. Sunni backs up as the head pops out and it's Gruffi as he blows off lever #16 (BAD LEVER! BAD BAD BAD!!) as Princess Calla comes out for a moment and then returns back to the workshop to get some oil.
The babyfaces realizes that it is a machine. Another scene changer (why? Just explain it now..No changer needed) as Gruffi explains that this black knight was built by the ancient Gummis to protect the roads. Gruffi is inside the belly playing with the levers (WRONG LEVERS!) as Princess Calla invokes the wrench to fix the arms. Gruffi and Princess Calla are actually gelling together after all. Maybe Gruffi will finally stop blowing off Grammi. Or maybe not. Grammi calls it impressive; but wonders how it's going to help King Gregor. Gruffi winks because he has another MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN in mind.
We now head to Castle Drekmore inside Dukie's personal room as Dukie is looking himself in the mirror which Don Karnage would later steal and make him look more insane while doing it. Dukie's ultra-cool sidekick Toadie is putting on his red royal robe while standing on his toes on the chair because he's still way over at this point. Toadie mangles enough metaphor while putting the crown on Dukie's head that Toadie is really getting awesome at this point. Dukie straps on the robe and walks to the door declaring victory over King Gregor and becoming king. Toadie has his royal cane and asks him for a promotion. Dukie grabs the royal cane and agrees to one because there is always room for a lackey like Toadie. Toadie sells it like he's happy. I don't think he should be happy since he is going from 10 gold hooch to 20 gold hooch. And then in a moment of downright stupidity; the door breaks down and squashes Dukie as orange ogre calls out for Dukie to come into the courtyard. Dukie is ticked off at his orange ogre for squashing his perfectly good royal crown.
Dukie blows him off and manages to fling orange ogre away; but we quickly cut to the courtyard as Dukie sees the purple ogre and green ogre down on the ground hurt. I can now safely say that the purple ogre is Gadd and the green ogre is Zook. According to Chris Barat; Zook is voiced by Will Ryan doing his Grimance voice from the commercials of MacDonalds at the time; while Gadd is believed to be voiced by Will Ryan as well. As for the other ogres; Chris doesn't know for sure. However; it is usually the male voices doing the voices like Bill Scott in Season One and then Brain Cummings, Rob Paulsen and others. Sometimes; even the writers get involved if you believe EMUCK's interview with Jymn Magon which was released in the late 1990's. Gadd explains that a black knight made them fall down and go boom. Dukie blows it off still wearing that defective crown and then the doors open and enter the black knight and Princess Calla dressed in the Crimson Avenger outfit; plus a mustache, fencing sword and still sounding like a girl. Gruffi is inside pulling levers (WRONG LEVER!) while using the periscope to see where he is going. This ought to be interesting. Pumpernickel Calla (or Drag Queen Calla depending on what mood I was in writing this) greets Dukie and Dukie blows her off. However; Black Knight takes out his sword and declares that he wants to be the general for the ogre army when he becomes king of Dunwyn. Dukie likes the idea which allows our ultra-cool sidekick Toadie to wrap himself around Dukie's legs because he wants to be the general.
He claims that he is clever. Now there's OUR idiot in action! Black knight grabs Toadie by the foot and then offers to shake Toadie for Dukie's sake. Too funny as Toadie is shaken, stir and thrown to a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen. Now that is how Toadie should run his life. Dukie likes this knight's style. However; Dukie wants to see black knight fight because he does that test for all generals. So that logically leads to a cut to the courtyard as the ogres stand in front of Dukie with weapons drawn ready to MURDER that black knight. Black knight wants a fix of his arm and Princess Calla gives it him despite her being worried about Gruffi's safety. Gruffi wants Princess Calla to find the Crystal Egg once the test starts. Calla agrees as Dukie (who is sitting on his new throne with Zook and orange ogre holding the bottom floor like all good slaves do) asks for everyone to be ready and the ogres say they are. Princess Calla gives black knight the black shield and we are underway as Toadie leads the chants...
Toadie: Give me an
O!
Ogres: O!
Toadie:
Give me a G!
Ogres:
G!
Toadie: Give me
an R!
Ogres:
R!
Toadie: Give me
an E!
Ogres:
E!
Toadie: What
does that spell?!
Ogres:
We don't know!
Too freaking funny and Toadie sulks as even his band of ogres love to screw him. The fight is on as Gruffi peeps into the periscope as three ogres (orange, yellow and green) with with axes, spears, clubs and shield walk towards the standing black knight. Gruffi is pedalling the black knight to show that even back then; the environment and exercise were important too. The black knight basically squashes the ogres as orange ogre manages to bop black knight on the helmet; but no effect. Black knight cuts the club in half and MURDERS orange ogre with the shield. The ogres surround Gruffi; but Gruffi does the SPIN-O-RAMA spot and that makes the ogres fly away. So far; they have only gotten one move of total offense on the black knight. Dukie loves this as Pumpernickel Calla slides on the side wall away from the action and into the Drekmore streets out of sight. However; ultra-cool sidekick Toadie notices her and follows with an evil look on his eye. We cut to Pumpernickel Calla as she wonders where Dukie would hide a Crystal Egg.
She opens the door in one room but finds nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING. She closes the door and hears a bird screaming. Pumpernickel Calla looks up and realizes where Dukie hid the egg: In a nest up on a tall tower which has two ladders. Pumpernicket Calla goes to the enclosed gate; but there was two hell hounds inside the enclosed area; so Calla has to run interference on them and runs away with a MIMI JOKE ZONE in mind. Toadie watches on behind the BARREL OF LAUGHS as the fight continues on. Now orange ogre is managing to hang on with his axe to the black knight's sword. We cut back to Pumpernickel Calla coming back and ultra-cool sidekick Toadie comes from the BARREL OF LAUGHS to stop her. However; Calla has the soup bone and gives it to Toadie which he sells with glee. Yeap; Toadie is REALLY STUPID; but REALLY FUNNY STUPID as Calla opens the gates and unleashes the HOUNDS OF HELL on Toadie! Toadie runs away like an idiot while the HOUNDS OF HELL chase him through the streets. Nice touch with Toadie holding out the soup bone like an idiot. Pumpernickel Calla enters through the gate and climbs up. She notices the Crystal Egg among the other eggs the vulture was laying on the entire time. Calla grabs it and proclaims that he will be safe soon. However; as she climbs down; the vulture arrives and notices that Calla is stealing one of her eggs.
The vulture swoops down and annoys Calla with the feathers; and that allow the ladder to swing away from the nest and Calla manages to jumps into an open window and she closes it with the wooden shutters before the vulture can do any more damage to her. The vulture slides down as Calla breathes a sigh of relief. Back to the test as black knight squares off against yellow ogre and yellow ogre invokes the spear which he manages to cut off the black knight's arm as they cheer for death. I know the arm isn't human; but that is creepy for 1986. Gruffi grabs the arm and puts it back together; but he is feeling the heat and pressure of the ogre barrage. The ogres cringe on the spot for the arm replacement. We go down the spiral staircase as Pumpernickel Calla is almost to freedom; but here comes ultra-cool sidekick Toadie to the rescue as he grabs onto Pumpernickel Calla's legs which allows her to lose her balance. The Crystal Egg slips from her fingers and it falls out of the window and into the middle of the testing grounds. Pumpernickel Calla screams (I believe she blows her cover right there) and Black Knight invokes the Go Go Gadget Arms spot to grab the Crystal Egg! And now Dukie is REALLY PISSED! He wants his egg back badly. Every time Dukie loses heat; he manages to regain it back. He has his sword so you know he's serious! Now Dukie goes into battle and kicks Black Knight's sorry little butt. The arm falls off again and Gruffi inside is basically screwed. This little spot I lifted for the finish of my fanfic Terror of TerraStone where Don Karnage got his second wind after hearing that his plans to rebuilt the Lightning Gun and basically beat Greg Masaume Skywinds which indirectly led to Greg's supposed demise when he dropped off the Iron Vulture to his supposed death.
Dukie manages to knock the black knight on his back as we cut to seeing Pumpernickel Calla in trouble with Toadie and sickle chain welding orange ogre. I'm amazed Gruffi can walk at this point since the armor was acutely damaged by Dukie in that fighting sequence. So black knight does the oil in your eye spot to blind Dukie (and cause damage to said eyes) and black knight manages to get up and walk up the spiral staircase to the top as Princess Calla (who's cover is now officially blown) is pretty much screwed. So the black knight's feet open up to reveal the spinning ropes which shoot up and tie the ankles of the ogre heels and they fall on their seats. I don't get that spot at all. Black knight goes over and gives the Crystal Egg to Princess Calla as Dukie arrives with a sword blowing off the princess and then managing to MURDER the black knight's helmet CLEAR OFF IT'S SHOULDERS. Gruffi pops up and Dukie is ticked off and the urge to bounce Gruffi off his battlements is rising. Gruffi pops back in and tells Princess Calla to give the black knight a bear hug. Calla sells and they literally jump right out of the window. Princess Calla uses the black knight to steer as a sled and the race is ON BABEE!
We have about one minute left in the episode. The ogres try to get into the way and throw various international object at them; but they miss every time. Dukie orders them to break the egg and kill King Gregor outright. Why didn't you do that from the start Dukie?! They now change it to ski jumping as the black knight jumps the rail and the Crystal Egg jumps out of Calla's hands. More Go-Go-Gadget-Arms from Gruffi to get around the impossible hairpin turn and Call regains control of the Crystal Egg perfectly. Dukie orders the gates to be closed as we cut to the drawbridge being lifted up. More dodging as we get the ultra-dramatic sequence where the ogres basically MURDER themselves onto the iron gate and the black knight takes the LEAP OF FAITH and gets to the other side easily. Well; that was an underwhelming spot after the buildup to the end. The black knight slides away with Princess Calla...
We return to the marketplace of Castle Dumbwin...ERRR...Castle Dunwyn as King Gregor is still a crystal statue as the dramatic suspense music is playing as Princess Calla arrives in regular clothes. Did she change at Gummi Glenn before arriving just to make it more suspenseful. Otherwise; it's Logic Break #1 for the episode. Sir Lazybones is SHOCKED to see Princess Calla back; but she declares that Dunwyn is safe and therefore Dukie is screwed again. Princess Calla recalls the secret to break spells like this is to give Gregor a kiss on the cheek which makes Sir Lazybones blush; if he had a way to blush. Princess Calla wants to do it herself of course as she puts the Crystal Egg in Gregor's hands and she kisses him on the cheek. And of course that breaks the spell and King Gregor returns to normal. And the world is right again since King Gregor doesn't suspect a thing. Everyone cheers as Princess Calla gives Gregor a hug to end the episode at 10:38. A pretty good episode which got Dukie's heat back again; but the finish was pretty underwhelming as Dukie is defeated really easily. Although Dukie showed a lot of effort to rule in this one. Great plan; bad use of ogres of course. *** 1/2 ( 70%)
Do Unto Ogres: We begin this one inside the Gummi Glenn dining room as there are hundreds (not dozens!) of basket of Gummi Berries all around. Zummi is complaining about this harvest and Grammi is blowing him off because it is another Gummi Berry harvest. At least the PINK CHOCOBO OF DOOM isn't there to annoy them to no end. If there is one thing; I would not want to drink their ROIDED JUICE OF DOOM from the basket where Grammi's feet are on top of. EWWWWWW! Everyone is tried beyond belief as Tummi is sleeping like a baby...and of course; teenybopper diva Sunni waltzes right in opening the door to show the babyfaces her latest attempt to get out of pulling her own dead weight: A growing potion which is helpfully demonstrated when Sunni puts a red berry onto the table and invokes the VIAL OF ROIDED POTION on it. Did Larson and Gary return to this time to show Sunni their steroids which they injected into food in Beauty & The Beet?! Someone please MURDER them now so I can stop using this joke! Zummi stutters again with his misspellings which is ironic since the Disney Captions team was probably headed by Zummi as work after being fired from being a character by Michael Eisner after 1991. It was easy so says Sunni. Sign of a teenybopper: Everything is considered easy.
Tummi manages to wake up and he thinks he is dreaming because those ROIDS are powerful on the senses BABEE! Tummi goes over and eats the GIANT ROIDED BERRY OF DOOM as Sunni explains that she used hair tonic from the Great Book of Gummi for her recipe which of course makes Tummi realize that the berry tastes terrible not and he spits away. Tummi blows off Sunni because she should be helping them; not poisoning them like a diva usually does. For some; it's toxic media; for others it's Sunni's ROIDS. Sunni claims that she only wants to help. Memo to teenybopper: Help by actually pulling your weight instead of coming up with stupid ideas such as that one. Gruffi blows her off and tell her to throw it away in their toxic mountain. Sunni does Gruffi's pose just to annoy me as she blows him off. Where in the world is Cubbi Gummi?! I guess he went to his room. We head to Drekmore as Dukie is on a battlement hammering down on his latest weapon to screw Castle Dumbwin...ERRR...Castle Dunwyn with the GIANT CROSSBOW OF DEATH. Did Dukie and Erwillian exchange notes before doing this episode?! Anyhow; here comes ultra-cool sidekick Toadie with the PAPER OF FUTURE JETTISONS trying to get contact with his fellow Dukie. No response from Dukie though. So much for being open minded there Toadie. Dukie gives him the mallet (as other various international objects) and Toadie is now mad as he reveals the paper to reveal his list of complaints because he's been treated like a bad dog basically.
Now this is how you build an angle; something the writers of Water Way to Go from DARKWING...DUCK failed to do with Launchpad. Dukie no sells everything of course because he's the nasty villain and Toadie is an idiot because he's still allowing himself to be mistreated. Toadie crashes and burns under the weight of Dukie's lack of caring and that's enough for Dukie to turn around and blow him off for whining and Toadie is really mad now as Dukie basically tells him that he treats him better than the rest of the ogres. After dozens of episodes; I think Toadie has a case of abuse in a court of law. But there is no law system in this world other than King Gregor's law; so Toadie is screwed. Toadie really blows him off while jumping up and down like a goof..and then he sezs the forbidden word in Dukie's eyes by calling him a tyrant. Oooooo...those are jettison words there Toadwart! The SHADOW OF DOOM overcomes Toadie as he covers his mouth. Too late you idiot! (Narrator voice from Spongebob SquarePants) 45 minutes later...(Normal voice) We cut to see Toadie tied to the giant arrow attached to the giant crossbow as Dukie thanks Toadie for doing a mission that Toadie didn't accept. Toadie protests this outrage; but the ogres blow it off because they are bigger than he is. Well; that explains everything doesn't it?! They shoot the giant crossbow and Toadie HAS BEEN POPPED RIGHT OUT OF THE CASTLE....AGAIN! Well; Dukie is 2 for 3 with two home runs on that mark. Dukie files his nails while cutting an awesome promo blowing off Toadie: I shot an arrow in the air; where Toadie lands I do not care. That is so EVIL!
We cut to the toxic waste dump as Sunni walks to it while blowing off the babyfaces for being so mean. They were mean because you wouldn't help them pick berries for the Gummi Berry Harvest you selfish little teenybopper diva. Sunni proclaims that someday she will have approval for her diva ways. Considering that Bratz exists; those fans will truly approve of her ways indeed. However; she'll have expose a lot more skin than what she has now. And of course; before she can throw the potion away; here comes TOADIE ON A STICK as he smacks into the side of the quarry with a MAN-SIZED bump. There's logic break #1 for the episode since the giant arrow was supposed to land right in the middle of the quarry straight up. Sunni hides behind the conviently placed bush because she's a Gummi Bear and that what she always does. Sunni comes out and sees Toadie tied to the giant arrow.
Sunni is about to leave; but Toadie doesn't want to fall and needs help. Sunni decides to turn around and go down the quarry and untie him..Then she'll run. Okay; I can accept that. It won't improve her image; but any little bit helps. Sunni slowly climbs down the quarry edge, gets onto the giant arrow and slowly climbs towards Toadie. Sunni unties him and Toadie and Sunni run away as the giant arrow dislodges (??) from the stone wall and falls to it's certain doom. That arrow seemed longer on close up since the arrow dislodged so quickly that they shouldn't have any time to grab onto the quarry edge. There's logic break #1 for the episode as Toadie and Sunni climb up. Toadie wants Sunni and Sunni is screwed as she makes it up and runs away (with potion in tow). Toadie runs and wants Sunni to stop as Sunni makes it to a conveniently place well and jumps on top if it. Sunni has no place to run and closes her eyes as Toadie jumps onto her legs...and starts kissing them. TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! That's my ultra-cool sidekick in action. Toadie thanks her by hugging her legs and Toadie declares that he owes his life to hers. Finally; someone to torture Sunni into turning her into a mature Gummi Bear. And it is even more glorious when Toadie is doing it. Sunni jumps down and tries to slowly get away; but Toadie is like a dog and now she licks her foot. Normally I would say EWWWWW..but since Sunni's say that to him; I say AWESOME!
That's why Toadie is the ultra-cool sidekick. Sunni doesn't want his help; and only wants to throw away the potion away. So Toadie grabs it from her hands and throws it into the wishing well as Sunni ducks for cover. However; the result is nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING. Toadie and Sunni exchange thank yous for that spot. I am so loving this episode now. They giggle as Toadie puts Sunni on the edge of the well and they exchange notes on making fun of Dukie. See; Dukie thinks Gummi Bears have spies all around. Doesn't that prove how insane Dukie is?! Sunni can only laugh at Dukie's expense because she's a diva. Kate Leigh is really into Sunni at this point. Toadie blows Dukie off as insane; but then cries because he loves worshiping him. You know he's brainwashed when THAT happens. Toadie wants to get back into Dukie's good graces so as Sunni is acting like Maria; Toadie grabs her from behind and sings badly as he grabs her ankle and drags her across the ground like a goof. Good; maybe Toadie can torment this bear and make her a better character as a result. Sunni protest this outrage because he saved his life and now is Sunni's master. Toadie then realizes that Sunni does have a point there (despite being a dumb diva) and he's in a moral crisis if I ever seen one. He flops down and basically blows himself off in a real funny spot.
He punches his head which is so bad that it's funny. He really hates himself which is really sad and tragic because he's an ultra-cool sidekick. Sunni tells him to stop because everyone hates him because he hates himself. Well; there's a logic exercise from the diva. Toadie wonders how he gets that respect and Sunni explains that no one should push him around which allows Gadd to grab Sunni OUT OF NOWHERE as Zook grabs the giant arrow. This should get Toadie back into Dukie's good graces after all. They walk away and Toadie is ticked off now so he grabs onto Zook and bites his leg. Wrong ogre there pal! Toadie tells Gadd to let Sunni go because he's her friend now. Toadie goes in between Zook's legs and climbs onto the edge of the wishing well. He blows off Zooks because he should be picking on someone his own size. I betcha Zook MURDERS Gadd now because the ogres are too dumb and therefore listen to brainwashing. Sadly; I'm wrong as Toadie misses the POWER OF THE PUNCH by a country mile and Zook uses the breathing wind to blow Toadie into the wishing well. Well; this episode does need more windbags since Drake isn't around. Sunni screams for help in Gadd's grasp as Zook grabs the giant arrow and they walk off leaving Toadie to drown in the wishing well. However; there is a rumbling as the entire wishing well cracks from the foundation as we quickly cut to Tummi and the giant berry as it rumbles and it shrinks back to normal which makes Tummi gasp in horror because he wanted that food too. Just like roids to pop like water sacs.
We cut back to Drekmore Castle as we are in Dukie's room as Sunni is backed up against the wall while Dukie speaks about how he is going to torture this diva. This may be the first time Dukie has ever gotten babyface heat instead of heel heat. Dukie wants the rack. I want the feather personally since that would maintain CONTIUNITY and of course seeing Sunni get what she deserves would bring pleasure to my senses. I'm a sadist; what do you expect?! You have to be in order to do game lists or 100% complete translations of Japanese RPGs. Sunni is scared half to death as Dukie demands to know how many bears there are and Sunni confesses to just six. Dukie doesn't believe her because there are really seven with Chummi; although Chummi's far gone to be of any threat to Dukie. Then again; Dukie is insane and he sees Chummi having voodoo powers I guess. And of course; that's how many she knows. There is still Gusto, Sir Thornberry, the Great Gummi's and the Barbaric Bears left who are in an unknown set of numbers. And here comes yellow ogre who is even more scared to death than Sunni is because Toadie is back. Dukie blows him off and demands that he throws him out. Yellow ogre refuses as Dukie rolls up his sleeve so he can do it because you know he's on a roll BABEE! However; we see Toadie's GIANT EYEBALL growing from the window and of course he's a GIANT OGRE NOW climbing onto Dukie's tower! This starts another tradition: The old growth plot device and I can safely say that this was the best one of them all. Toadie is ticked off as he grabs Sunni from the window and she leaps onto Toadie's back.
I guess Disney is still wary of doing any harm to a female child in any context at this point. Toadie then grabs Dukie from the window and Dukie accuses him of being a turncoat. Sunni basically tells Toadie to shut up Dukie and Toadie sells by putting Dukie in his pocket of hairballs. EWWWWWWW! Now there's a quality torture if I ever saw one. Too bad it's Dukie getting it and he's losing heat again. But it's ultra-cool sidekick Toadie gaining the heat so it's no huge loss. Toadie is loving this as much as I am; but the giant arrow nearly MURDERS him; misses by inches. Gadd and Zook are playing with it in order to shoot down the giant Toadie. Toadie's a sitting duck; which shows that even he cannot think his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLANS through. He jumps from wall to wall (without breaking anything I should note) and walks onto the bridge. He makes it to the tower and grabs the giant crossbow since it's a regular crossbow in his eyes. Toadie plays with it and it shoots an arrow right into the tower basically destroying it. Talk about a weapon backfiring on ya Dukie! Zook closes a door in the tower and tries to escape; but the wall breaks and Toadie's GIANT ARM OF THE LAW grabs Zook and puts him into the crossbow and Zook IS POPPED RIGHT OUT OF THE CASTLE AND THE EPISODE TOO! TOTAL MARKUP CITY FOR THAT SPOT! Sunni cannot believe that spot and Toadie calls it easy because he's bigger than they are. Well; it was Sunni's fault for telling him to stand up for himself. Dukie comes out of the dreaded hairball pocket for some clear air and basically blows Toadie off. Some things never change as Toadie grabs onto Dukie's leg and Dukie's hanging upside at the mercy of GIANT TOADIE!
Dukie pleads for forgiveness as Sunni tells him to let Dukie go and let Sunni go and they can quit this charade. Igthorn actually takes Sunni's side lest he wants to get MURDERED by ultra-cool sidekick who's being AWESOME here. Toadie is about to accept; but he rumbles and shrinks down back to normal allowing Dukie to be sprung free. You know you are screwed when THAT happens. Dukie thanks him until he sees the real Toadie and gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. Toadie is so dead now as Toadie asks for a promotion like an idiot. Dukie is ticked off and the urge to kill Toadie is rising. Sunni grabs Toadie and they scatter just in time before Dukie grabs Toadie for real. Nice bump on the face from Dukie I should point out. Toadie tells Sunni to go down the slope steps while Dukie takes the pulley elevator (pulled down by two ogres). Even in the Dark Ages; and they still have that old spot?! UGH! Sadly; Dukie wants to go faster (according to the megaphone which is LAW) so the ogres pull faster on the ropes and then just let go of the rope altogether. Dukie's hope chest is gone now as Dukie loves the speed. Sunni and Toadie stop in mid length as Dukie wants to go slower; but the dumb ogres are too dumb to realize that the rope have pull themselves up too much for them to reach. Dukie is so screwed and of course he and the ogres gets MURDERED in a MAN-SIZED bump with the elevator. Irony is such a cruel fickle mistress; isn't it?!
Sunni and Toadie leave the castle as Sunni tells Toadie to stand up for himself and then Sunni hides in the bushes just as Dukie yells for Toadie and comes out. He basically threatens Toadie to reveal Sunni; or be MURDERED into a brand new rug for him to step on. Toadie falls to his belly and pleads for mercy like a good ultra-cool sidekick who knows better than to listen to teenybopper diva. He wants to tell where Sunni is and Sunni gasps in horror as she thinks Toadie has turned heel again. Dukie demands the direction and Toadie teases a complete heel turn and then points into the opposite direction which is good enough for Dukie to foolishly go after in that direction with his ogres in tow. When Dukie goes out of sight; Toadie waves to Sunni who runs in the opposite direction as Toadie realizes that they are friends no more as Toadie is back to being a sad heel. Which is what I always wanted as Toadie realizes that he is screwed for life as he cuts one more cute promo to end the episode at 10:37. Another perfect episode as Toadie carried this one because he's an ultra-cool sidekick of course. Sunni was annoying; but Toadie's awesomeness prevented her for doing anyway really annoying. But Dukie is losing heat more and more by the moment.... ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Two more shorts are in the books and it was mostly good. A Hard Dazed Knight was a fiendishly clever way for Duke Igthorn to gain the throne using a fiendish Crystal Egg. Considering how dumb Castle Dunwyn is; it was apporos that King Gregor would fall for such an act. Sadly; Dukie's plan was a waste because his ogres were completely useless as shown when Gruffi with the handicap of the black knight could easily beat the ogres. I only counted two moves of offense from them that the black knight took. Duke Igthorn got a lot more than that in and he was able to gain some of his heat back. The episode was okay; except for the ending which was underwhelming after the good buildup to getting out of the castle and then it was basically pissed away as Calla and Gruffi easily escaped from the castle. They made it across the drawbridge without any problems and I was hoping that they would be just short; and then Gruffi and Calla use the black knight as one last boost to get to safety while the black knight falls into the bay. That would have payed off the buildup nicely. A great plotline turned into a middling short.
On the other hand Do Unto Ogres was so good; I couldn't give it anything lest than a full rating in good conscience. I like this jettison episode even better because anything to torment Sunni is tops in my book. Some great spots (albeit a little EWWWW!) and of course Toadie playing him slave character to the hilt like the idiot that he is. It was so sweet of him that I forgive Mark Zaslove for the tiny logic break when Toadie appeared before Sunni for the first time. I would have loved to see Dukie give Sunni the feather just for even more heat (all babyface); but you cannot win them all. The ending was pretty good too with Toadie teasing a heel turn; but turning babyface for Sunni before finally turning sad heel for good which is his perfect role. All in all; a great short. Three episodes; three excellent ones from Mark Zaslove. Next up is the full episode: For Whom The Spell Holds which mark two DTVA firsts. One a writer who has been known as TaleSpin's greatest writer and another is a Hanna Barbera legend who disappeared from the acting scene in 1991 and recently passed away in mid 2006. He also did teen flicks in the 1960s (Yeap; there were teen flicks back then). So.....
Thumbs in the middle for A Hard Dazed Knight and a thumbs up for Do Unto Ogres and I'll see you all next time.