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Take Me Out Of The Ball Game
Reviewed: 01/31/2017
Time To SEAMEN~T The Crowd!
All right; it's time for the final episode on the DVD set before "Wreck, Lies & Videotape" as Goofy and Pete literally force their sons into Little League baseball and cannot let go of the fact that (a) they suck and (b) their kids suck only slightly less. So Max and PJ have to put up a facade; which always never ends well. And in this case; it never ends. What do I mean by that?! Let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Marion Wells and story edited by Karl Geurs. The animation was provided by Walt Disney Animation Australia PTY, Limited
We begin this one with purple letters in the episode title and outside Goofy's house. We then head into the kitchen as it's Max's birthday complete with a literal bubblegum cake with green/white striped candles on it. Oh wait; that was last year as Max whisper yells to Waffles that he got a new skateboard this year. Or the new video game; which probably stars him. Which one does in fact exist, and it's pretty good, or so I hear. Max unwraps the present and it's...wait for it...baseball bat, ball and glove. And they are second hand stuff that Goofy wore which I assure you were rarely used in an actual baseball game. Goofy claims that he struck out every batter in little league as Max claims that Goofy has only said this a hundred times as Goofy throws baseball, it bounces off walls and the cake is destroyed of course. Goofy wants to teach him baseball and Max is already trying to weasel his way out of this; because Goofy teaching anyone how to play baseball is like Donald Trump becoming president...Oh wait... Goofy assures Max that it only takes practice times four. Jump cut to outside in the background complete with a portion of the baseball field painted out. Goofy is at home plate as he's going to teach the fine art of bunting. Max is the pitcher and wishes he was a belly itcher after this practice times four is all over with. Goofy throws the ball up and it bonks off his head and lands fair in front of the plate and spins around in a figure eight pattern as Goofy steps on baseball and we slip and slide for a while. Goofy rolls and falls into the trash can head first as Max looks horrified. Goofy destroys the bottom of the can and runs like mad as we jump cut to second base and in the background, Waffles is sleeping in the hammock like an anthro. Somehow Goofy trips off-screen and bounces into the hammock; causing the hammock whirlwind spot and everything gets wrapped up in the tire swing set. Rope snaps, whirlwind spot, everyone's in a heap. Max is covering his eyes in horror as Goofy stops selling and continues running. He steps on third base and still trips and bonks into the red domed BBQ pit.
Goofy then slides and Max unintentionally (I think) trip Goofy and Goofy flies into the bushes. Max points to his wrist that he needs his teeth drilled in twenty minutes and he's bailing out into the house. First off: You cannot say "cravities filled"? Second: If you are going to do the watch spot; make sure Max has a watch on to begin with! Anyhow; Goofy claims that oral hygenie is important; but twenty minutes is all he needs to teach him how to hit a home run. Goofy trips and falls as we scene change to Pete's backyard as PJ is pulling weeds from in front of a wooden fence. Pete of course is sitting at his lawn chair under the umbrella tree with lemonade and radio; reading the newspaper and doing absolutely nothing. PJ whines that he's been doing this for six hours as Pete blows him off for wanting a break because weeds grow into jungles. What an asshole Pete is?! Apparently; Pete believes that if the weeds win; a tiger will appear to bite Peg. Yeah; that would be fair for Pete to say, since he doesn't want to be in the doghouse again. Jump cut to Max playing tee ball and failing. Goofy tells Max to keep swinging as a response to Max's complaining about not being a good player, and the ball will get in the way. Max swings the ball and it goes over the fence and lands squarely into Pete's glass of lemonade. This is like Wii Sports Baseball; only with a tee. Goofy and Max go over to the fence as Pete comes over asking if Max hit this. Goofy of course is too honest to not admit it as he claims Max will be the next Mickey Mantle. I was hoping he would say Mickey Mouse; just for me to get a cheap shot in. Besides; what do kids in 1992 know about that jabroni baseball player anyway? Max is not thrilled to hear that as PJ pulls the weed and Pete grabs PJ and drags him off stage right, because Max just showed him up, you see. Okay; here's where showing up is a bad thing; because it only serves to torment PJ even more, for no good reason other than to jackhammer the point home that Pete is a jackass. PJ whines because he's no good at baseball nor any spot for that matter. Yeah; PJ is only good at being a waste of space, and maybe be a doll for Pete and Pistol to play with.
Pete no sells all as PJ is now wanting to pull out weed and protect Peg from gorillas. I don't think Coco wants any part of Pete nor PJ after the last episode. So we scene change to the backyard as PJ in catchers gear is dodging baseballs from the baseball shooter Pete has set up. Pete is of course doing absolutely nothing. Oh wait; he's bullying and abusing his son with this crap. So he is doing something. And cutting promos about how great he is. Pete Pete and Donald Trump, separated from birth. Some of the baseballs bounce off PJ as he is begging to do chores now. Yeap; this is torture now. PJ takes a baseball to the ass and falls on home plate on the ass. This offends Pete so much that he twists the knob (wow; he performed projection on himself!) as we go so much faster and so much more torment that CPS should be on Pete's ass now. This makes calling CPS on Baloo and Rebecca look less justified now; because Baloo and Rebecca actually do care about Kit's well being and it's Kit who doesn't know when to be a child and have a childhood that is somewhat normal (although considering his past; that is laughable. But at least try, Kit...). BS&P moment: PJ literally takes a ball in the nuts; but the apron covers it, so the impact is reduced. I know this because PJ does the universal sign of holding his groin after it hits. And to think; Kit and Baloo took shots to the groin without padding like that. PJ trips on hose and lands straight into Chainsaw's watering bowl and somehow he manages to eat a ball in his mouth when he lifts his head. That make no sense; but Pete laughs at it anyway, because he's an asshole. Pete wants PJ to slide; and PJ bails, which offends Pete even more as he brings out the wheelbarrow and forces PJ into it. Geez; I really am watching iCarly, only Sam Puckett is male now. PJ is thrown from the wheelbarrow; slides and basically buries himself. PJ also destroys the wooden fence of course. Freddie probably is feeling PJ's pain now. Notice how modern critics bash women for tormenting Freddie; but ignore it when a man is involved? If that isn't the epitome of why masculinity sucks, I don't know what is.
Max comes in feeling bad for PJ after PJ spits the ball out. Oh, that's why they are friends, then: Because it's a why for PJ to stay away from Pete. Why did Peg ever marry that jackass?! Peg cannot be this unlikable; she simply cannot be. PJ calls it baseball boot camp and CPS needs to shut this thing down, STAT! In comes Goofy and Pete exchanging notes as Pete steps in a mud puddle (which is much deeper than it looks, so it's really out of his depth) as Goofy mocks PJ as a future water boy. Pete responds that they wouldn't let Max be a bat boy. At this point; being a water boy and bat boy would be a relief to them as long as they don't have to deal with two assholish dads. Max and PJ look horrified as PJ is grabbed and thrown across the field by Pete. Pete hits the ball with his bat as PJ runs backwards and catches the ball. As he jumps, he bounces on a trampoline and lands into a swimming pool. Okay; that is funny and I'm shocked no one has tried that for a stunt for the Chase Field where the Arizona Diamondbacks play. Goofy thinks this proves his point (no, it doesn't) and proclaims that Pete couldn't teach a surfboard to catch a wave. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comment. Max swings and misses completely as the bat flies out of his hands and into the tree. This is the same Max; who hit one shot on the tee for a home run right into Pete's drink earlier. This HAD to be intentional. Pete mocks Goofy because he couldn't teach lightning to hit a tree. Yeah; but that bat got taught that Pete's an asshole who deserved to be whacked in the head and that is exactly what happens. Normally; concussions are bad, but with Pete; would he be any worse concussed? Answer: No, it would be an improvement as Pete gets cartoon bump on head and drops dead. Scene change to kitchen with green veggies blended in a blender on the counter. It's Goofy kitchen as he calls it Vita-Slime; which is good for you. I wouldn't drink that crap, not in a million years. Max gags on cue when the thing is on the table. The smell overwhelms him and he bails to vomit off-screen. I don't blame him; that stuff is awful and it'll never work!
Jump cut to outside at Pete's backyard as we get more of Pete torturing...ERR...I mean, showing PJ how to play baseball. PJ is the pitcher and Pete's the catcher as Pete blames Goofy for screwing up a little league game with his bad hand signals. So Goofy was the catcher and Pete was the pitcher. Huh. So we go over the hand signals; and PJ is instantly confused; because execs want us to make sure that the only non-verbal cues that are acceptable are fart jokes. To hell with non-verbal cues; so let's make PJ look confused as hell, even though children are supposed to be the ones noticing them while the adults are confused. PJ does the waterwheel screwball pitch and it goes behind him, bounces off the fences and shatters yet another window. Damn; the windows are taking a beating in this cartoon. Goofy somehow is out of the house as he and Pete argue about home run balls and breaking ball. I side with Goofy on that one; since that ball did in fact break something. Pete accuses Goofy of being unable to tell a meatball from a cheeseball. Okay; now the writers are just writing to amuse themselves and no one else. It should be "You couldn't tell a breaking ball from a meat and cheese ball!"; if you want to go for easy projection insults from Pete. So PJ climbs over the fence to meet Max as we discover that Pete blames Goofy for losing the championship while Goofy blames Pete for getting them kicked out of little league. See; Goofy claims that he pitched an odd ball, as Pete claimed that it was a screwball. Wait; getting your signals crossed in a championshp got them booted out of Little League. Either; both pitches were illegal to begin with; or Pete did something that had nothing to do with the game. I'm guessing Pete lost his temper and got in a fight with Goofy and they both got kicked out due to a zero tolerance policy in LL. It's the only thing that makes sense here. PJ and Max do not like this at all because it's like putting a dog on a team of fleas. HAHA!
So we get jump cuts of Goofy and Pete showing off their trophy cases (sadly; Goofy's trophy for best dad in the world isn't in evidence; so I can get another cheap shot in on Pete.) as Pete won for best attendence because that is the only thing he was good for. Goofy was Mr. Congeniality; which means "being the friendlist"; which means Goofy wins by default in this whole thing. Pete blows it off anyway because goofballs don't win games. Of course they don't; a goofball would be tampering the ball which is an automatic ejection and suspension in the MLB. Outside PJ and Max groan as the stupid idiot adults are blowing each other off. Only one of them is certifiable. Goofy claims that Pete wouldn't know a sourball from an eyeball. It should be "know a spitball from a screwball." Yeah; seeing a bunch of grown men complaining about a little league game from ten-fifteen years ago is the definition of being an insecure, weak-willed dork. Max has a Krackpotkin Plan as he and PJ walk in. So we get screaming and trash can whacking as we head outside to see Max and PJ selling foot and knee injuries. Now; if you recall in Axed By Addition: Max and PJ tried this same thing to get PJ out of going to school in order to do all of these things before getting grounded. Now; what happens here: Their overselling causes Pete to bring out his secret liniment to heal them in no time. HAHA! I told you neither of them would have fallen for it, and good for them too! I mean; they would have been laughed out of a Dolph Ziggler casting call, they are so overdramatic. So we head into Pete's....I realize this is 1992 and this wouldn't be a phrase, but I don't think it's unpossible to say that this is Pete's Man Cave~! PJ is in his shorts and the most vomitting pea soup green shirt Pete could find; and is lying on his belly on the pool table, while Pete is basically being a chiropractor while singing the Patty Cake song. I swear to god this happened! Shoot me now! I'm dying here! Babe Ruth gets referenced as we jump cut to Goofy's "man" cave. Scare quotes because Goofy's definition of a man cave is not very manly. And that's a good thing. What's not so good is Max is standing on a small foot table with shorts on and a cyan blue tank top with cyan blue socks on. Why isn't Max allowed to be barefoot? His legs are pink flesh; not black, so his feet would not be black either. Goofy pushes and pulls the back of the chair squashing and stretching Max in a realistic way. Cartoons, be jealous! Goofy's singing, Max is screaming because Goofy as a tormenter is way, way funnier. Only Goofy, people; only Goofy.
Both kids run out of the house and have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the baseball park. Yet. It was on the sidewalk of course. They claim that they cured and the fathers yell at them to play ball. What a bunch of insecure dads these two are?! PJ thinks they are doomed; so Max claims that they are going to make them think they are as good as they were. This Krackpotkin plan is doomed to fail, Max simply because if Max and PJ screw up so badly; they'll keep doing it because they are insecure dads. And if you show improvement over them, then the plot advances and it doesn't get you two out of this, it only means that you have to play Little League for real because the sledgehammer of plot demands it. So we scene change to Goofy as the catcher as Goofy wants a real sizzler from Max. Max fakes throwing the ball as PJ uses the baseball gun to shoot the ball over Goofy's head causing him to do the whirlwind spot. So they are going to fake it, but that'll advance the plot. The writer booked you into a corner, boys. You are done. Daisy Mae is mentioned (who is a woman character in the comic strip Li'l Abner; which is a hillbilly redneck take on the South. Ummm; yeah.) as PJ tells Pete that he's going to hit one into orbit and it'll land at the house. So Max shoots the baseball shooter into the air and it leaves orbit and defies gravity, because this show is a cartoon and cannot adhere to reality if it bit them on the ass and yodeled the Anna Maria. Goofy shows the glove which has a ball shaped hole in it as the other one slams into the ground like a meteor. The ball is sooted and the covering of the ball is half off to boot when Pete grabs it. Pete and Goofy are impressed as Max elbows PJ in the ribs thinking that they won. Pete decides to not have them practice anymore...and decides to call Coach Roach in order to let Max and PJ join the Little League team in Spoonerville. HA! I called it two minutes before it happened. See why I said the plan was doomed to fail. They are called the Sluggers by the way; and Max and PJ look like they were slugged in the groin. HAHA! Oh; and tryouts are tomorrow and that's why they have been teaching them. Yip; booked into a corner, just like I said they would be. That ends the segment nearly ten minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head to in front of the property of Pete's house as there is barking in the background. Head inside the kitchen as Pete is taking cereal out of the cupboard (Cheerios it looks like) and is in a hurry to make PJ eat because they don't want to be late for the sledgehammer of plot to do it's magic. Oh wait; I mean, late for tryouts. Same thing, basically. Goofy is frying bacon, pancakes and making a general mess on the island and Pete doesn't even scold him for that. Yes folks; the baseball bug has made Pete act nice to Goofy, even though it is infusing tribalism and loving a sport that is so boring. Allegedly. Max and PJ are sitting there wearing red and orange, although Max's clothes look like his normal clothes and he didn't get matching colors for his sneakers. Goofy and Pete rush around as Max sulks getting off death reference number one as he doesn't need a last meal. PJ puts on a baseball cap with a baseball on it proclaiming that there must be something to save them. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nope. Nothing...AND THE ROCK SAYS NOTHING can save you now. That's the purpose of booking someone into a corner. In comes Peg as she has the Gruffi pose on and gets in between them. Peg accuses them of being worse than mother hens; because you see, they make mother hens look like absentee parents. Now; who would fit that description? Oh yeah; Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Peg tells them to back off and let the kids go to Little League alone and have some fun. Pete and Goofy stammer like idiots because they are insecure little boys themselves as Peg tells them they need a break. They certainly do; a break away from this baseball crap. The insecure stupid idiot dads agree to this and hug their boys in such a way; it would be classified as simple assault as the boys walk out of the house afterwards. More melodramatics from the stupid insecure idiot dads and they cry like a bunch of idiots.
Listen; I actually like adult males and boys crying, especially in dramatic moments, but it's really insulting when you use it as comedy because you are making light of their feelings being so fragile. It just makes you look like insecure assholes who don't deserve sympathy nor empathy. Especially when Pete has abused PJ for no reason throughout this cartoon. So we head to the baseball park with Max and PJ in the dugout watching the kids play ball and the kids are pretty decent at it; causing Max and PJ to look awkwardly frightened by this. Now here; I can sympathize with them because they are literally out of their depth of a mud puddle here and are being forced by their insecure assholish dads to play this sport. The best they can hope is that they don't get noticed by Coach Roach and mind their own business and observe the game; hoping that they learn something about it before it's all over. Sadly; since this is tryouts, they have to be actively involved, which books them into a corner again because if they succeed, the plot advances to the championship; but fail, and they get tormented into shape by their assholish dads again. PJ does the Gruffi pose on Max as a grey haired dognose with a nose hair piece comes in with a clipboard; so I assume this is Coach Roach (Dan Castellaneta). Which is odd because I thought the guy would be a drill instructor from the Marine Corp. Then I can see why Goofy and Pete were kicked off of Little League. He is also vision impaired as we get the spot Ralph Throgmorton wondering if he has seen them before. Except it's clearly not Goofy and Pete, and it's a lot less subtle than before. Roach sees this as misshapen identity and tells them to show off their skills. So we scene change to the ball field as Max is the pitcher and PJ's the catcher; which is idiotic. Shouldn't PJ be the pitcher and Max be the catcher so you don't tip off Roach that you are the sons of Pete and Goofy at least?! Max throws a nasty pitch that is so wide of the mark it's an easy pass ball on PJ as he clobbers Roach into the ground.
Max is flustered and Roach is too old to be a coach. You can have a sign that says "Pete's Son" on the front and he wouldn't notice it even with his glasses on. Scene change to Max at bat as Max swings at the pitch and fouls tips it so hard that the bat flies out of his hands and bonks into the back of the head of Roach who is in the dugout writing on a clipboard. Well; that at least explains why he doesn't get the so unsubtle connection of dots here. And I don't get why this is a big deal. I see this with PROFESSIONALS many times in REAL games! So Roach returns and wears an umpire mask as PJ is at bat; so manages to hit the ball so hard into foul terrority that the bats get hit on the rebound and bury Roach in them. Again; I can see this before with professionals several times in real games. Roach boots them out of Little League just like that, yelling at them to try bowling or something. Teleport jump cut to Max and PJ walking towards Pete's house as we hear Goofy in the background talking about having Max make the Little League team for a lifetime now. This is exactly why men deserve to get emasculated; even if the only one who can do that is themselves. Cut to the backyard as Goofy and Pete are relaxing on lawn chairs talking and drinking lemonade. PJ wants Max to talk to Goofy because he's still making up his will. Max wants to get this over with now as he and PJ sulk in as Goofy and Pete praise them and kiss their asses figurally. Goofy embraces Max as Max is acting all like this is BS as Pete takes it as modesty. PJ gets cut off at every possible turn as the stupid idiot dad hug each other and proclaim that the sons were so good that they got their first game tomorrow as the boys rightfully groan and be flustered on cue. We go inside PJ's room as Max is flipping a ball in his hands as Max claims that they couldn't tell them because it would break their hearts. No, Max; more like breaking everyone's hearts: Goofy and Pete's in the figural sense; you two in the literal sense. PJ points out that they'll find out by next week; and Max has a Krackpotkin plan for this.
So it's morning of next week as Pete drags PJ out of the house and PJ gets in the back of the car as PJ sarcastically is happy to play the first game of the season. Pete goes in and starts the car as his tires go flat on cue and the engine is plugged somewhere. Pete and PJ run out of the car and the car explodes as sharpnel flies all around. Luckly; no one gets impaled, it's a Disney cartoon after all. Pete pushes PJ to Goofy's car as Pete calls his car sick. More like his car is dead and needs a Phoenix Down to revive it. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Pete offers Slugger Dogs for everyone if Goofy takes them with him and Max as Goofy's car dies on cue. Goofy accuses Pete of infecting his car and Max plays along with it and they take their bicycles as shown and ride off stage right. So Goofy and Pete inspect their cars. Pete then notices that Goofy's tailpipe (NOT THAT ONE! Sort of.) is loaded with cement. Now; the funny thing about this is that the line itself isn't memorable or anything on it's own. It's how Jim Cummings said it. Remember Caron Izumi from Chargeman Ken? Well; her voice actress once said "Mama, I'm scared!" in Japanese and it sounded like she was saying "Sea Cucumber Doggy~!" Well; the way Jim Cummings said the word cement; he pronounced as "Sea-men-t" as if he said "seamen" which is a sexual fuild. Cue moral outage and kid snickering as a result. Jim Ross pronounces it this way, too. Most pronounce it "Ca-ment" for a reason even if it doesn't make sense with the word. Henceforth; anytime cement is involved; I say: SEAMEN-T~ as a joke. And now you know the rest of the story. Sorry; I don't give money for brain bleach, you'll have to buy your own. So we head to the baseball field as the announcer is calling the game and the Spoonerville Slugger win the game nine to nothing. Which is good because the kids won't get MURDERED; but bad because the storyline MUST continue! Max and PJ watch the game from a hillside and then run back to the residences as Goofy and Pete are chiesling and jackhammering the SEAMEN-T from their tailpipes (Does it matter where? I certainly don't since they suck at it.).
Pete wants to do more simonizing as the kids bicycle in to inform them that the Sluggers won with ease. The stupid idiot dads celebrate like they won the Wrestlemania main event and try to get them to talk about their preformances and the kids simply stammer and talk gibberish; which the stupid idiot dads sell as modesty. I wish Peg was here. Goofy and Pete decide to read it tomorrow on the sports page as the kids are flustered again. So next morning; a dognose paperboy wearing a blue hat, blue shirt, grey pants and dark blue sneaker is on his bicycle and throwing newspapers as the doors of the Goofy and Pete's residences open to reveal Max and PJ grabbing newspapers with butterfly nets. We then jump cut to them in uniforms using a camera to take their pictures and then edit them down into a hail of paper clipping as a segueway to Pete's living room as there is a mess of newspapers on the floor while Pete is reading a page. Pete kisses the newspaper page. Gross! Newspapers have feeling too, you know. Same thing Goofy does in his bedroom; only he chuckles and hugs the newspaper. I don't believe in Bayley being a true hugger until she literally hugs a newspaper like Goofy just did. Scene change to PJ pulling a yellow flower weed out of the backyard. Pete drags him to a table filled with goodies (and no, I don't mean drugs, although at the rate this is going, PJ might consider that option.) and PJ is a star now who doesn't have to do responsible stuff, causing PJ to irresponsbility stammer like a stupid idiot. Jump cut to the kitchen. Jump cut to Max cleaning dishes. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Okay; wrong cartoon. Goofy runs in and grabs the pot Max is cleaning; offering to do it instead. Wait; would that be any different than before Goofy became an insecure sports man of...umm...man? Goofy pushes Max out of the room because dishpan hands are so clashing with his "sport abilities". Yeah; I'll bet.
Jump cut to Pete using a pulley of a giant blue feather fan on the kids who are getting fat and sick off goodies, popcorn and soda. PJ and Max are suffering and feel guilty. Nope; I'm certain it's the food. Oh; there are nineteen more games left. Wonderful. So we hit the montage of events which involve screwing the driveway so the cars cannot get out of the driveway, so Max and PJ are forced to bike to the event while the stupid idiot adults have to unstuck their cars. They watch the game while Pete gets the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS. Jump cut to several scene changes of Max crossing down dates for every Saturday, and Max draws a circle which usually means the tic-tac-toe spot. Car batteries get stolen as they hide the batteries behind a bush as this is the last game of the season. So Pete calls for the boys as they run to Pete. Pete proclaims that they aren't missing this one as Goofy and company go to the front as we see that Goofy and Pete ordered a limo and a chaffeur to drive them to the event. PJ and Max look horrified and scared as they are in the backseat as we see Goofy turn around and inform the kids that they have been playing so well that they are going to take them out of Little League after this game and head to the big leagues. Uh-oh! So they get dragged out of the car and paraded in front of photographers who snap photos at them. I realize that Pete is sleazy and would stoop to this low, but when Goofy does it?! Uber creepy! That ends the segment 17 and a half minutes in. This might be the worst episode in the series so far...But wait; Coach Roach kicked them out of Little League, right? All Max and PJ have to do is go to Roach, and Roach will point out that they were kicked out, the kids take their medicine like real men and the adults will get their comeupperance for being stupid idiots, right? Am I right?!
After the commercial break; we continue on as Pete explains that he called every talent scout and organized a media blitz. Oh my god; Pete is cartoon's answer to Donald Trump in every single way possible! Goofy claims that he got the guys on the moon watching on statelite television. Oh, come on, Marion Wells! It's a LITTLE LEAGUE game in Spoonerville; it's not even the Little League World Series for crying out loud. No one in space is going to care about a baseball game, major league or not. So the press of fake news (and folks; this story is even faker than so called Nintendo Switch leaks and rumors. Ponder that for a moment and despair!) puts the microphone to the kids and this might have been funny in 1992 when you were a child growing up; but this kind of thing is disturbing and these kids have grown up to be adults and are parading their kids on national television via reality television shows. We hear Roach telling them to play ball; or the umpire. I couldn't tell and neither could Disney Captions. So after some stammering the boys go into the dugout and Max just wants to not play ball for nine innings. Don't worry; there's no way Roach is putting them in the game; since they were already kicked off the team. So Pete and Goofy are in the stands looking like complete morons. Keep in mind; Goofy acting like this is understandable; because he's a moron in storyline. When Pete is acting like this as an excuse to excuse his abusive behaviour; you know this episode sucks. So Clodhopper bats first according to the announcer. Pete is gravely offended by this because he wants PJ to bat first. Ummm; if PJ is a home run hitter and Max is a base runner (which neither are not even close to being; but I'm theorizing here); you want PJ to bat fourth and Max bat first; or even second or third since the goal is to get as many people on base before PJ hits a home run so you can score as many runs as possible. Even if all three get out; then you can get an easy solo home run in the second if need be; or you get the bases loaded and get a grand slam. Or all points in between. Pete has zero clue how baseball tactics work. Stupid idiot adult.
Goofy thinks that they are saving them for a last resort in case the game is tight. When GOOFY knows how to play baseball better than Pete; you know Pete sucks as sports. Which explains PJ's inability to real well now. Pete decides to wait as the kids wave at the stupid idiot dads and they wave back. The Spoonerville Sluggers dominate the baseball game; hitting home run after home run. It's 7-0 in the first inning, and then Pete and Goofy come down; grab the kids and shove them right in front of Coach Roach protesting this outrage. Why?! Because they want playing time for the kids. Roach rightfully points out that he kicked them out and Pete gets in his face and proclaims that they were kicked out thirty years ago and those are their sons. So what?! Their sons sucked like their dads and got kicked out; so Roach should point this out to them that they did try out for the team and they failed. Show over, right?! Problem: We still have four minutes left; so Roach's glasses aren't working and he cannot make them out. So he decides to put them in the game anyway. WHAT?! Coach Roach; YOU JUST MADE THE LIST~! Which list?! Doesn't matter; you're on it, you stupid idiot! Jump cut to Max on the mound as Goofy is talking to Max about throwing some strikes and then walks off. Welcome to the corner the writers just booked for these two. So Max throws a wild pitch and PJ has to slam into the ground and the ball still bounces off his glove. This causes Pete and Goofy to panic like mad; but they are rationalizing everything as Max is sweating bullets like he's getting oily with Oscars at an Oscar convention...and chattering his teeth like a Hanna Barbara character. Next pitch is a pass ball that bounces off the glove of PJ and knocks Coach Roach in the head and knocks him completely out on his ass in a water bucket. Goofy and Pete run in and blow them off for being idiots as Max claims that they lost their stuff and PJ claims that they'll never get it back. At this point; that would be enough for me to say: "Why didn't you just tell me that you didn't make the team?"; but not these two, oh no. They think it's a slump as Pete rationalizes that it happens to the best.
True; but they never had it and you keep pushing them. This is like the Little League version of Sid Vicious being megapushed despite the fact that he sucks. Even Roman Reigns is good enough for a megapush; just not good enough to be champion. Big difference between the two. Goofy thinks it's all over now; but Pete has other ideas as we scene change back to Coach Roach still dizzy as it's the bottom of the ninth and despite all the screwiness of Max and PJ; it's still 7-3 with two outs and the bases empty. In comes Goofy and Pete wearing the uniforms now as they puts on the worst kids voice ever assembled. So Pete is the catcher (with a horrible midriff) and Goofy has to pitch. So the first pitch is...I don't know...a ball that a kid can somehow still hit for a blooper in front of the plate. Normally; catcher catches it and throws it to first base for the out. Game over. So the pitch Goofy threw was good. One problem; when Pete tries to grab the ball, Goofy; the kind hearted babyface, dives in and grabs the ball and they play tug-of-war on the ground like a bunch of assholes. If Goofy had just let it go and Pete had screwed up throwing the ball to first base; then this would be funny. But no; Goofy had to turn into a greedy, selfish bastard and ruin it so much that they allow an inside the park home run on a bunt. This would make "Misplays Of The Year" for many years to come on Sportsnet if this happened in real life. It's now 7-5 as Max and PJ look on in tank tops and boxer shorts. PJ has the Gruffi pose on and cannot believe this is so bad. Then we get a massive logic break: Announcer claims it's 7-4 even though on the sky shot earlier when the home run bunt was hit; there were two kids running the bases. Which is a logic break in itself because the bases were supposed to be empty as per the announcer. STUPID! The announcer claims that things are heating up because Goofy throws a fireball pitch and the kid eats fireballs for breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. FOUR MEALS A DAY~!
He hits it deep into left center. It appears Pete has a reasonable chance to grab it; but the hotdog vending wagon is in the way as Pete bonks into it and is stuffed into the wagon as the ball bounces off his ass and out for a home run. Whoa! That should be fan interference and either a double or a foul ball for strike one! Who's umpiring this game?! That's horrible officating there, sir! So it's now officially 7-5 as we cut back to the dugout as Roach is shaking the cobwebs as Peg comes back wearing a lot of weiners. HA! So we get the third batter up as Pete calls Goofy a beanpole and wants a pilerball. So Goofy takes three balls and attempts to do the triple strike in one shot spot Grubby did in Grungeball; which I thought was glorious. However; this is GOOFY we are talking about and so all three kids get plunked for three straight hit batsmen. Now; the hand one and foot one was fine; but the first one was at the head. That's an automatic ejection from the game! Where the hell is the umpire?! Or is Roach the umpire?! WHAT?! Who is officating this game?! Worse; the animators have no idea how baseball works because this means the bases should be loaded; but the animation makes it like someone hit a three run homerun! Doesn't matter in the end because Goofy uncorks the worst corkscrew wild pitch in history and it bonks into Coach Roach and flies away as all four batters score on the play; and that ends the game at 9-7! Pinker's win! Goofy goes over to Roach looking for the ball and being generally confused. Ironically; this was the worst ball he had thrown today. Pete is pissed off as they shake up Roach like they want money from him like a bunch of thugish kids and the ball drops. They jump in to grab it; too late, they lose anyway 8-7. Not that it matters; anyway as Roach finally wakes up and grabs the two stupid idiot adults impersonating kids realizing that it's those two.
He basically beats them up off-screen and kicks them out of the stadium and bans them from baseball forever, and that includes doing any thing with baseball whatsoever. Geez; Roach is the Penace of this world as PJ and Max call this unreal. You don't say. Personally; they should be banned from baseball forever; but not watching it on television, trading baseball cards or chewing bubblegum? Why not just call the police and have them arrested then?! That would make more sense, you old bastard! Anyhow; we cut to Goofy's house as we head inside as Goofy feels his ass with spotted white underwear making a reference to Shoeless Joe Jackson. No, you do not! There was no television at that time. I'm certain that they still let him trade baseball cards and chew bubblegum. Heck; they at least let him chew tabacco; which DTVA would never allow you too in a million years. Never, ever! Max then makes the fatal error in saying that there is other things to do and Pete brings up football and that season's just started. Oh for gods sakes, Marion! Pete and Goofy walk off stage left as the circle fade out begins and Max is trying hard to keep the thing open, which is a waste because he should just tell them to sod off and he just wanted a skateboard! Max goes through the circle as PJ squeezes through as Pete and Goofy cut football promos and that ends the episode mercifully at 21:15. See what happens when you don't tell the truth and take your medicine, kids? The episode simply stops without a resolution and it only encourages execs to order more of them to happen. See Quack Pack. What a bad episode this was?! Goofy is not built to be an asshole and it shows. * 1/2 (30%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; I wasn't expecting this episode to be so bad. Let me get the postives out of the way: The animation was really good and the logic was mostly good until the climax. I'll give Marion credit for finding a way to get Max and PJ out of this crap corner she booked them in without damaging their reputations too much; but the alternate way clearly showed that it is impossible to take seriously Goofy being an asshole. He's no good at it and making him look like an idiot eliminates the sympathy I could have had with him. Coach Roach is a moron who needs to get his glasses checked; or retire from the game. There were no officials at the game, sans announcer; and it just made the whole climax look crappy and awful. The animation didn't help either. The first act was actually all right; but it was mostly tedious and there was some funny moments peppered here and there; but overall, this was a huge disappointment for me. It's also living proof that just because you hear seamen on a DTVA show doesn't mean the episode is any good. The whole episode was built on the insecurities of two fathers. When Pete does it only; it can be awesome because he's supposed to be like that. When GOOFY joins in; it makes the thing look like a bad circle jerk. Peg didn't help matters any as she was around for one scene and was never seen again. Plus; the episode didn't end, it simply stopped as Max and PJ symbolically tried to literally get out of the episode by going through the circle fade out. That is so telling. Now; I do sympathize with those two because they were abused like crazy in this episode, but at some point, you have to tell them, even if the parents don't believe it. Once they lost that; I was done with them. The next episode after this is "Wreck, Lies & Videotape" and that was better; but not overly so and I've already reviewed it anyway. I'm sorry folks; but I tried to like this and I couldn't. Too much bullcrap on characters that I don't really care about all that much. Hopefully; next weekend will see more sunny days for Goof Troop. So...
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.